Original subtitles

HENRY, CAN I HELP YOU?

NO. JUST GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

OK.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WANNA SEE IF YOUR PUPILS ARE DILATED.

IT'S ONE OF THE SIGNS OF DRUG ADDICTION.

I'M NOT ADDICTED TO DRUGS.

SO YOU SAY.

ARE THEY DILATED?

IS DILATED BIGGER OR SMALLER?

OH, GOD. WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?

TODAY WAS DRUG DAY AT SCHOOL.

IT WAS GREAT!

THEY GAVE US ALL THESE COOL HANDOUTS

AND LET US PET A DRUG DOG,

AND WE DIDN'T GET ANY HOMEWORK.

OH, TIMMY. WHY?

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO USE DRUGS?

I DON'T KNOW, MOM.

I CAN'T SEEM TO REMEMBER ANYTHING ANYMORE.

THAT'S BECAUSE THE DRUGS HAVE STOLEN YOUR MEMORY.

BUT YOU STILL LOVE ME, DON'T YOU, MOM?

NO.

NOW, WE'VE HAD AN AWFUL LOT OF FUN TODAY.

BUT IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT ISN'T FUN,

IT'S DRUG ADDICTION.

THAT'S RIGHT, MR. KERSEY.

PEOPLE MAY TELL YOU DRUGS ARE COOL,

BUT THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT BEING DEAD.

WHAT ABOUT HEAVEN?

RIGHT.

BUT IF YOU USE DRUGS, YOU WON'T GO TO HEAVEN.

I SHOULD'VE SAID THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT BEING DEAD FROM DRUGS.

AND THEY GAVE ME THIS BADGE.

OH, WOW. YOU'RE AN OFFICIAL ANTI-DRUG LORD.

YES, I AM.

AND I'M PUTTING YOU IN MY "UNDER OBSERVATION" FILE.

OK, YOU DO THAT.

NARC.

HEY, HONEY.

HEY, MOM. UH, WE NEED TO TALK.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, SWEETIE?

I WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

HENRY, DO NOT GO THROUGH MY NIGHTSTAND.

WHY NOT? AFRAID I'LL FIND YOUR PILLS?

GIVE ME THOSE.

WHY? NEED YOUR FIX?

HENRY, THOSE ARE MOMMY'S PILLS.

ALL RIGHT? GIVE 'EM TO ME.

TOO LATE.

I ALREADY FLUSHED 'EM DOWN THE TOILET.

HEY, BABY. HEY, CLAUD.

HEY, ARE THOSE PICTURES

FROM YOUR PARENTS' ANNIVERSARY PARTY?

NO. I FORGOT MY CAMERA.

AND WHEN I GOT BACK, I JUST SAW ALL THE FILM WAS USED UP.

OH, REALLY? YEAH.

OH, THEY'RE SO GREAT.

THERE'S SOME OF US AT THE BRONX ZOO.

THERE'S SOME OF YOU AND EDDIE

HAVING A DRUNKEN PARTY IN OUR HOUSE

WHILE THE KIDS AND I WERE OUT OF TOWN FOR THE WEEKEND.

CAN I LOOK AT THE ONES FROM THE ZOO?

SURE. HERE'S ONE OF THE LYING BASTARD IN HIS NATURAL HABITAT.

BABY, I AM SO SORRY!

YOU SAID YOU WERE SICK!

OH, BABY, I FEEL SO BAD MISSING YOUR PARENTS' ANNIVERSARY.

[COUGHS VIOLENTLY]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR THAT.

OH, COME ON. I WAS SICK. OH, YEAH.

NO, REALLY. IT WAS REALLY BAD.

SEAN, WHERE YOU GOING, MAN?!

[RETCHES]

THAT'S NOT THE KIND OF SICK YOU SAID YOU WERE.

OH, BABY, I DIDN'T DRINK THAT MUCH.

I THINK I HAD ONE OF THOSE,

YOU KNOW, 12-HOUR FLU BUGS.

SEAN...

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU.

FOOL ME TWICE...

GO TO HELL.

OH, THAT IS NOT THE EXPRESSION!

ARE YOU GONNA FINISH THAT?

YES, I'M GONNA FINISH IT.

HOW MUCH CAN YOU DRINK?

YOU'VE GOT A MEGA-MAXIMO.

I KNOW. I'M ABOUT READY TO EXPLODE.

UGH. SO GO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THE BASKETBALL TEAM HAS THEIR DRUG TEST THIS WEEK,

AND I PROMISED SCOTT BIANCO I'D GET HIM

AND HIS BUDDIES SOME CLEAN YOU KNOW.

SCOTT BIANCO'S BEEN TORMENTING YOU SINCE THE FOURTH GRADE.

NO, I KNOW. I KNOW. BUT I THINK THIS'LL BE GOOD.

THIS'LL BRING US TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?

WE'LL BE LIKE BLOOD BROTHERS,

OR PEE BROTHERS.

HEY, UH, LILY, LET ME SEE WHAT'S IN YOUR PURSE.

NO.

WHY NOT? BECAUSE IT'S PRIVATE.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING.

HENRY, I'M NOT ON DRUGS, OK?

YOU KNOW, CAFFEINE IS A DRUG.

NO, IT ISN'T.

THAT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST YOUR SECOND

MOCHA CHILLOCHINO TODAY.

I THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

YEAH. IT'S 4 FEET TALL,

AND IT WON'T STOP BOTHERING ME.

SO, WHAT DO YOU SPEND TO SUPPORT YOUR LITTLE HABIT?

LIKE, UH, 4 BUCKS APIECE?

4.25.

TIMES 2 A DAY IS 8.50, TIMES 7 A WEEK IS...

UM...UH...

WELL, I'M NO SCIENTIST, BUT IT'S A LOT.

OH, MY GOD. THAT'S, LIKE,

60 BUCKS A WEEK ON COFFEE.

WHAT AM I, OUT OF MY MIND?

SEAN?! YOU COMIN' DOWN TO THE BAR?

HEY, UM, UNCLE EDDIE,

DID YOU KNOW THAT ALCOHOL IS A DRUG?

YES, I DID.

HEY, EDDIE. HEY.

UH, THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO THROW A DRUNKEN BEERFEST,

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT AT YOUR PLACE, OK?

YEAH, ALL RIGHT. YOU MEAN THEORETICALLY, RIGHT?

NO. NO, SHE'S NOT TALKING THEORETICALLY.

SHE KNOWS, ALL RIGHT?

ONE OF YOUR MORON FRIENDS

TOOK PICTURES OF THE PARTY

WITH MY CAMERA.

OH. ANY GOOD ONES OF ME?

BABY, I HAD NO INTENTION OF THROWIN' A PARTY, OK?

I JUST HAD THIS LONG, HORRIBLE WEEK,

AND I--AND I WANTED SOME ME TIME.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

HEY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO AN ANNIVERSARY THING

AT YOUR IN-LAWS'.

HOW COULD I GO WHEN I'M THIS SICK?

YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?

WE SHOULD GET A COUPLE OF FELLAS OVER HERE,

HAVE A SPONTANEOUS CELEBRATION.

I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO PUT PANTS ON.

OH, NO. HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

COME ON IN, GUYS.

Guys: ALL RIGHT! WHOO!

COME ON, ED. THIS IS SPONTANEOUS?

HMM, WELL, THAT WAS VERY NOBLE OF YOU

NOT INTENDING TO HAVE A PARTY

DURING YOUR FAKE ILLNESS.

OH, BABY, COME ON. IMAGINE IF I WASN'T HERE

WITH EDDIE AND HIS FRIENDS

RUNNIN' AROUND WITH NOBODY TO WATCH 'EM.

THEY--THEY WOULD'VE TRASHED THE PLACE.

WHEN YOU FAKED SICK,

YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EDDIE WAS COMING OVER.

OH, OK. OK, YOU CAN ARGUE WITH MY METHODS,

BUT YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THE RESULTS.

I CAN KILL YA IN YOUR SLEEP.

YOU WENT TO THE ZOO WITHOUT ME?

MOM, MOM, CAN YOU PLEASE CALL HENRY OFF?

OH, LISTEN, HE'S JUST ENTHUSIASTIC.

WELL, HE'S DRIVING ME NUTS!

HE KEEPS HARASSING ME WHEN I'M IN THE BATHROOM.

HE'S ALWAYS IN THERE!

NO, I'M NOT. I USE IT A NORMAL AMOUNT.

YEAH, AND WHEN HE'S NOT IN THERE,

HE'S IN OUR BEDROOM WITH THE DOOR LOCKED.

WELL, THAT'S--IT LOCKS SOMETIMES BY ITSELF.

OK, LET'S LEAVE JIMMY ALONE. OK?

BUT IF HE'S NOT DOIN' DRUGS, WHAT IS HE DOING?

HENRY, DROP IT.

BARELY MADE IT.

JIMMY, DUDE, ALWAYS IN THE BATHROOM.

I USE IT A NORMAL AMOUNT!

WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

I NEED THAT FOR MY ASTHMA.

I'M GONNA NEED TO SEE A PRESCRIPTION FOR THIS.

HENRY, TRUST ME. WE ARE NOT ON DRUGS HERE, OK?

BRAD IS NOT ON DRUGS.

NOBODY'S ON DRUGS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THE BACKYARD

AND SPY ON THE NEIGHBORS?

CAN DO.

MOM, HAVE YOU SEEN THE CARD

THEY GIVE YOU AT MOCHA JOJO'S?

YEAH.

WELL, IT'S A TOTAL SCAM.

THEY'LL GIVE YOU ONE FREE ONE,

BUT YOU HAVE TO BUY 20 FIRST,

AND BY THE TIME YOU'VE HAD 20,

YOU'RE TOTALLY HOOKED.

MM-HMM.

THEY'RE BREEDING ADDICTS.

HOW DO THEY SLEEP AT NIGHT?

MAYBE THEY DRINK A LITTLE LESS COFFEE THAN YOU DO.

BUT THEY MAKE THEM SO DELICIOUS

IT MAKES ME WANT MORE AND MORE.

I SHOULD SUE!

YOU CAN'T SUE 'EM FOR THAT.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS SPILL SOME ON THE FLOOR

AND THEN SLIP IN IT.

NO. NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M JUST GONNA QUIT COLD TURKEY.

NO MORE MOCHA JOJO'S. OK?

THOSE PUSHERS AREN'T GOING TO VICTIMIZE ME ANYMORE!

GOOD.

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN', HENRY?

CALLIN' 9-1-1.

WHAT? WHY?

HELLO? I NEED THE POLICE.

I WANNA REPORT A DRUG EMERGENCY.

WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.

HI. HELLO, MA'AM,

UH, WE'RE JUST DOIN' A LITTLE--A DRILL.

[SIGHS]

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, MAN?

COME HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU.

Henry: LOOK. IT'S RIGHT OVER HERE.

WHAT?

[SIGHS]

MARIJUANA PLANT.

WHA--OH, THAT?

OH, THAT'S--

THAT'S JUST SOME KIND OF WEED.

OH, THAT'S WEED, ALL RIGHT.

WACKY WEED.

YOU'RE THE EXPERT.

YEAH, I GOT TO ALERT THE AUTHORITIES.

WAIT. OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

UH, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IT BELONGS TO.

YEAH, I DO.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

BEFORE YOU GO JUMPIN' TO CONCLUSIONS--

IT'S MY DAD'S.

OH.

SERIOUSLY?

COME ON. THINK, UNCLE EDDIE.

ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE.

THE MOOD SWINGS, THE UNKEMPT APPEARANCE,

THE CONSTANT SNACKING.

I MEAN, COME ON, HE'S GOTTA BE STOPPED!

YEAH. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT,

BUT COME ON. THE COPS, HENRY?

THAT'S A LITTLE DRASTIC.

YOUR DAD NEEDS OUR UNDERSTANDING.

I KNOW WHAT HE NEEDS--

TOUGH LOVE.

YEAH, THERE YA GO.

YEAH.

[SOFTLY] DAMN.

[WHISTLING]

GUYS, DO WE NEED MAD AND CRACKED?

HELLO, SEAN.

HEY, UH--

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT?

OK. HA. WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

SEAN, EVERYONE IS HERE FOR ONE REASON:

THEY CARE ABOUT YOU.

WE'RE HAVIN' AN INTERVENTION!

UH, NO, NO, NO, NO. THIS IS--THIS IS--

THIS IS NOT RIGHT.

SEAN, PLEASE SIT DOWN.

NO, THIS IS COMPLETELY--

SIT DOWN, SEAN!

OK, EVERYBODY, I HAVEN'T HAD COFFEE SINCE YESTERDAY,

SO IF YOU PEOPLE ARE GONNA YELL,

I'M OUTTA HERE.

BUT, LILY, WE--

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

OK, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

WELL, SEAN, YOUR LITTLE BOY HENRY

CAME TO ME AND SISTER HELEN BECAUSE HE WAS CONCERNED.

OH, WAS HE? Mr. Kersey: YES, HE WAS.

AND NOW YOUR FAMILY HAS A LOT TO SAY TO YOU.

I'M A TRAINED INTERVENTION FACILITATOR.

MY JOB IS TO HELP YOU HEAR,

NOT JUST LISTEN,

REALLY HEAR.

Mr. Kersey: HENRY, WHY DON'T YOU START?

DAD, YOU'VE BEEN BEHAVING IN WEIRD WAYS LATELY,

AND I DIDN'T KNOW FOR SURE UNTIL YESTERDAY.

THAT WAS THE DAY I FOUND A MARIJUANA PLANT

IN OUR BACKYARD.

WHAT?

POT, SEAN! HE FOUND YOUR CROP!

I DON'T HAVE A CROP OF POT, DAD.

I DON'T EVEN SMOKE POT!

Mr. Kersey: I UNDERSTAND.

DENIAL IS THE FIRST STEP OF THE JOURNEY.

YEP. HERE IT IS. DENIAL.

Sean: ALL RIGHT. LOOK, LOOK,

IF THERE WAS POT IN OUR BACKYARD

WE SHOULD ASK THE PERSON WHO PUT IT THERE, EDDIE.

WELL, HERE WE GO.

YEAH, AND IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL.

CASTING BLAME IS THE SECOND STEP.

YEAH, CASTING BLAME ON THE PERSON WHO DID IT!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

AND WE'RE MOVIN' RIGHT ALONG TO RAGE.

WOW. WE'RE MAKIN' GOOD TIME.

OH, I'M OUTTA HERE.

SEAN...

I LOVE YOU,

BUT I'LL KNOCK YOU ON YOUR ASS.

HENRY, LOOK AT ME.

DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M ON DRUGS?

I WISH I DIDN'T, DAD,

BUT ALL MY TRAINING SAYS YOU ARE.

UGH...

OK. ALL RIGHT.

WHO ELSE WANTS TO TAKE A SHOT? HUH?

HUH? FIRE AWAY.

HUH? HOW 'BOUT YOU, BRAD?

WELL, YOU KNOW, MR. FINNERTY,

YOU'VE THREATENED ME MANY TIMES,

AND YOU'VE USED HURTFUL LANGUAGE.

I'M JUST GLAD TO KNOW THAT IT WAS THE DRUGS TALKING.

NO. THAT WAS ME.

Mr. Kersey: SEAN...

WE'RE NOT HERE TO DEBATE.

WE'RE HERE TO RELATE.

HEY, WHERE YA BEEN, JIMMY?

UPSTAIRS.

IN THE BATHROOM?

LEAVE ME ALONE.

Mr. Kersey: JIMMY, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT?

CLAUDIA, PLEASE, COME ON.

YOU--YOU DON'T BELIEVE ALL THIS STUFF, DO YOU?

HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE.

I BELIEVED YOU WERE SICK

THE WEEKEND OF MY PARENTS' ANNIVERSARY.

TURNS OUT THAT WAS A LIE.

WHO KNOWS HOW FAR YOU'LL GO

TO PROTECT YOUR PRECIOUS HABIT?

OH, OK.

SO THAT'S HOW IT IS, HUH?

YUP.

Mr. Kersey: LILY, IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?

YEAH. DOES ANYBODY HAVE, LIKE, 5 ASPIRIN?

FOR GOD'S SAKE! JUST GET BACK ON THE COFFEE!

STOP YELLIN', SPANKY.

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING.

GO AHEAD, SIR.

I'LL NEVER GET OVER THAT DAY

WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL

AND I FOUND ALL THOSE PIPES AND BAGGIES

AND BONG PAPERS IN YOUR ROOM.

HEY, FINNERTY!

WHAT ARE YOU PUTTIN' IN MY CAN?

NUTTIN'.

HELLO, OFFICER!

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE STARTED CALLIN' ME AFTER THAT?

TOKEY THE BEAR.

HOW CAN WE HAVE NO ASPIRIN?

OH, HENRY FLUSHED EVERY PILL IN THIS HOUSE DOWN THE TOILET.

UGH.

TOKEY THE BEAR.

SHUT IT!

Sean: DAD, DAD,

THAT STUFF YOU FOUND,

THAT WAS 17 YEARS AGO.

AND YET SO LITTLE HAS CHANGED.

OH, WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?

MR. FINNERTY,

THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES AS RECENTLY AS LAST WEEK

WHEN I HAVE HAD CONCERNS.

WHEN A CHILD PULLS A FIRE ALARM

I DON'T THINK HE'S REALLY SAYING,

UH, UM, HEY, HEY, FIRE! FIRE! YOU KNOW, NO.

I THINK WHAT HE'S TRYIN' TO DO--

AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT IT'S COOL,

AND I'M NOT REALLY SAYING THAT I CONDONE IT.

ANYWAY, BUT I THINK THAT THAT'S REALLY WHAT,

UH, HENRY, UH, HENRY,

THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE TRYIN' TO GET AT

IN THIS CASE, RIGHT?

STOP TALKING.

AH, COME ON.

YOU WERE INCOHERENT.

I WASN'T INCOHERENT. I DIDN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON!

MY CRAZY KID PULLED THE FIRE ALARM.

I WASN'T HIGH.

I WAS PULLIN' THINGS OUTTA MY ASS.

OH, SEAN,

LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

WHEN? WHEN? WHEN WILL THE LYING STOP?

OK. OK. YOU'RE JUST MAD AT ME

BECAUSE I SKIPPED OUT

ON THAT STUPID ANNIVERSARY PARTY.

STUPID ANNIVERSARY PARTY?

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

HE SENT ME OFF IN THE CAR WITH ALL 3 KIDS

FOR A 7-HOUR DRIVE TO MY PARENTS' HOUSE.

OH, AND THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME

THIS HAS HAPPENED.

THAT WEEKEND AT MY AUNT'S--

MOM, STOP SHRIEKING!

[YELLING, SHRIEKING]

WE'RE ALL GETTING A LITTLE OFF--

WE'RE GETTING A LITTLE OFF TOPIC!

Mr. Kersey: SHUSH!

Eddie: COME ON, SEAN. UH, YOU KNOW, UH,

WHY ARE YOU PROLONGING THIS?

THE SOONER YOU ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM,

THE SOONER IT'LL BE OVER.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, ED. YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. I DO HAVE A PROBLEM. YEAH.

YEAH, I HAVE A PROBLEM,

AND MY PROBLEM IS YOU,

AND I THINK I CAN BEAT THIS PROBLEM.

Mr. Kersey: SEAN,

EDDIE IS NOT HERE TO HURT YOU.

HE'S HERE FOR ONE REASON:

TO SPEAK FROM THE HEART.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, EDDIE?

THAT'S RIGHT, DAVID.

SEAN, YOU'RE MY BIG BROTHER,

AND I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO YOU,

BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

OH, REALLY? HOW HAVE THEY CHANGED?

I'D LOVE TO HEAR--

SEAN, LET YOUR BROTHER TALK!

THANKS, DAD.

I MEAN, THIS--

THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME.

I--SEAN, YOU'RE-- WE LOVE YOU.

WE'VE ALWAYS LOVED YA,

AND I MEAN, WE'RE NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU,

BUT WE'RE NOT WILLING TO STAND BY AND WATCH

AS YOU FLUSH YOUR LIFE DOWN THE TOILET.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

JUST STOP, MAN.

STOP--STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'.

LIFE THROWS YOU A LOT OF CRAZY QUESTIONS,

BUT, MAN, IF YOU THINK THE ANSWER IS, LIKE,

SMOKIN' WEEDS, GETTIN' HIGH...

YOU--YOU'RE WRONG, MY BROTHER.

DEAD WRONG!

DEAD WRONG. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.

[APPLAUSE]

WOW. WHEW.

THAT WAS REALLY MOVING,

AND I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HARD WORK,

YOU KNOW. IF ONLY I WERE ON DRUGS,

AND THEN THIS EVENING WOULD BE REALLY SUPER.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S ORDER PIZZA.

IT'S GONNA BE A LONG NIGHT.

COME ON, DAD! NO!

OK, WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT FROM ME?

WE WANT HONESTY, MR. FINNERTY.

THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE.

JUST THIS AFTERNOON,

3 MEMBERS OF OUR BASKETBALL TEAM

TESTED POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS.

WHAT?

YES, AND THEY WERE SUSPENDED.

BUT--BUT NOT SCOTT BIANCO.

HIS PEE WAS GOOD, RIGHT?

NO, I'M AFRAID IT WASN'T.

HOW--HOW CAN THAT BE?

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

YOU IDIOT, THIS HAS STEROIDS IN IT.

Sister Helen: BRAD,

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.

OH, GOD!

HE'S DEAD!

THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME.

O'KEEFE,

YOU GAVE US BOGUS WHIZ.

AND WHY WERE YOU GENTLEMEN IN THE MARKET FOR WHIZ?

Walt: OH, STEP BACK, SISTER.

I'VE READ ABOUT THIS.

THEY'VE GOT 'ROID RAGE.

UH, EXCUSE ME. CAN I INTERRUPT FOR A SECOND?

CAN I GET A GLASS OF WATER?

MY WIFE AND MY BROTHER

CAN ACCOMPANY ME SO I WON'T ESCAPE.

Mr. Kersey: ALL RIGHT.

[WHISPERING] Stay close.

WELL, I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE.

NO, WE'RE NOT.

SIT DOWN!

WILL ONE OF YOU PLEASE TELL ME

WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON IN THERE?

SEAN, I'M SORRY, BUT IT HAD TO BE DONE.

HENRY FOUND POT GROWIN' IN YOUR YARD.

HE WAS GONNA CALL THE COPS.

YOU'RE LUCKY I BARGAINED HIM DOWN TO THIS.

I MEAN, HE REALLY WANTED TO GO TO THE COPS.

HE WAS VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

OK, SO WHY AREN'T WE HAVING AN INTERVENTION FOR YOU?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY WEED.

OH. OH, YOU'RE TELLIN' ME

YOU DIDN'T PLANT THAT WEED BACK THERE?

YOU THINK I'D REALLY PUT WEED WHERE YOUR KIDS COULD FIND IT?

YES!

OK, NOW I'M--NOW I'M-- NOW I'M INSULTED.

OH, OK, YOU'RE TELLIN' ME

YOU'VE NEVER BROUGHT WEED INTO THIS HOUSE?

NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.

HEY, YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE SEEDS OUT.

NO WAY.

SEEDS MAKE IT CRUNCHY.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT? EDDIE,

IT IS IMPOLITE NOT TO TELL SOMEONE

WHEN YOU'RE MAKING ENHANCED BROWNIES.

HO-HO-HO, WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

NOTHIN'.

[GROANING]

IS THAT POSSIBLE?

CAN SEEDS GROW IN BARF?

FOR ALL WE KNOW, MAYBE THEY THRIVE IN BARF.

AND THUS NATURE, UNBIDDEN,

BRINGS FORTH NEW LIFE.

OK. ALL RIGHT.

MAYBE, TECHNICALLY, I PLANTED THEM, OK,

BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME A POTHEAD.

THAT WAS A FLUKE. THERE WAS--

THERE WAS NO WAY

I COULD'VE PREVENTED THIS FROM HAPPENING.

OH, YES, IF YOU RETRACE YOUR STEPS,

YOU REALLY DID NOTHING WRONG.

ALL RIGHT! MAYBE I'M NOT THE IDEAL HUSBAND, OK,

BUT I AM NOT ON DRUGS,

AND I AM NOT IN NEED OF AN INTERVENTION.

NO, YOU ARE NOT.

HENRY IS.

HE'S GOTTA WATCH THIS PLAY OUT

SO HE CAN FINALLY MOVE ON,

AND I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GET BACK ON THE PILL.

'NUFF SAID.

Sister Helen: WELL, TOMORROW MORNING,

YOU WILL BE GIVING ANOTHER SAMPLE

AND MR. KERSEY WILL BE IN THE STALL

TO MAKE SURE THAT THE SAMPLE IS YOURS.

EW.

SERIOUSLY?

YES.

UH, NO HARD FEELINGS?

SEE YA TOMORROW, O'KEEFE.

DON'T WORRY, BRAD. YOU CAN TAKE 'EM.

YOU'RE ALL PUMPED UP ON STEROIDS.

Claudia: AHEM. AHEM. AHEM.

I THINK HE'S READY.

SEAN, IT LOOKS LIKE

YOU MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

YEAH, DAVE, I--I DO. UH...

WOW. UM...

I'VE SPENT ALL NIGHT TRYIN' TO CONVINCE YOU PEOPLE

AND MYSELF THAT I WAS FINE...

THAT I COULD, UH,

KEEP IT TOGETHER, YOU KNOW,

AND, UH...

I CAN'T,

AND WHEN I LOOK AT YOUR FACES

I REALIZE 2 THINGS:

1--THAT I MUST HAVE A PROBLEM, OR ELSE...

YOU ALL WOULDN'T BE HERE...

AND 2--I DON'T HAVE TO WALK

THE LONG, LONELY ROAD TO RECOVERY ALL BY MYSELF.

LET IT GO, SEANY.

[CRYING] OK, DAD.

[CHOCKED UP] YEAH.

GOOD WORK, EVERYBODY.

UH, I'M GONNA GO GET A CUP OF COFFEE.

THOUGHT YOU QUIT.

WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME.

I THINK THEY'VE GOT A BATHROOM.

WHOA. WHOA. WHOA, LILY--

LILY, NOT SO FAST, UH...

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A PLEDGE RIGHT HERE

WITH MY CHILDREN AS MY WITNESSES

THAT FROM THIS DAY FORWARD,

I WILL BE CLEAN.

Sean: YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, AND STARTING TOMORROW...

I'M WILLING TO PROVE THIS BY TAKING...

DRUG TESTS,

AND I KNOW THAT MY LITTLE BROTHER EDWIN

WILL BE RIGHT THERE WITH ME TAKIN' THE TEST.

UH, I DON'T KNOW THAT TOMORROW'S GOOD FOR ME.

OH, YES.

OH, YES, IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

HE'LL DO IT.

WE ALL WILL.

BACK IN THE BATHROOM, HUH, JIMMY?

NO.

LISTEN, JIMMY,

THERE COMES A TIME IN EVERY MAN'S LIFE--

SERIOUSLY, GRANDPA,

I--I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS.

NO, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW IT'S OK.

I'VE BEEN THERE MYSELF MANY TIMES.

OH, GOD.

JUST LET ME GIVE YA A PIECE OF ADVICE:

CUT DOWN ON THE CHEESE.

WHAT?

I USED TO EAT CHEESE BY THE BRICK.

COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT,

BUT I'M TELLIN' YA,

A LITTLE MUESLI FOR BREAKFAST,

MAYBE A MUFFIN INSTEAD OF CHEESE

FOR AN AFTERNOON SNACK--

GRANDPA, I DON'T REALLY EAT A LOTTA CHEESE.

THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOIN' IN THE BATHROOM?