Original subtitles

HEY, HE LOOKS BUSY. WE SHOULD COME BACK LATER.

HEY, HEY!

IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO,

AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY WHEN IT'S OVER. COME ON.

HERE YOU GO, MICHAEL. SAY HI TO YOUR MOM.

[SEAN SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]

MR. FINCH? UH-HUH.

MY SON HAS SOMETHING HE WANTS TO SAY TO YOU.

SIR, YESTERDAY...

I TOOK ONE OF YOUR REMOTE CONTROL CARS,

AND I DIDN'T PAY FOR IT.

IS THAT SO?

YES, BUT I REALIZE THAT THAT WAS VERY WRONG,

AND--AND I'M SORRY.

GIVE THE MAN HIS MONEY.

HERE'S $20.00.

OK, THATABOY, JIMMY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CALLING THE POLICE.

WHAT THE HELL? HE JUST APOLOGIZED.

HE SAID HE'D PAY.

OH, HE'LL PAY.

NO--NO, THIS IS THE POINT WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY,

"I HOPE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON, YOUNG MAN."

HELLO, I'D LIKE TO REPORT A THEFT.

HEY, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

THE HELL I DON'T! WHAT THE HELL?!

YOU GAVE THE OTHER KID A LOLLIPOP!

THAT OTHER KID ISN'T A DIRTY LITTLE THIEF!

THIS WAS JUST A LITTLE TOY CAR.

CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

I LET THIS DO THE TALKING.

THAT'S A WHIFFLE BAT.

THAT'S RIGHT, AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!

HEY, HEY, DON'T DO THAT.

YOU JUST BACK OFF.

YOU'RE GOING TO JUVY.

I AM? NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I'D LIKE TO REPORT A THEFT.

HOLD ON. I GOT IT.

YOU BROUGHT THAT ON YOURSELF.

YEAH, LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT WE TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING, JIMMY,

BUT THIS GUY WAS A JACKASS!

HERE. YOU'RE A GOOD KID.

DEAN?

YEAH, BABY?

MMM...WHAT'S YOUR MOM LIKE?

OK, SEE, NOW THAT REALLY KILLS THE MOOD.

I'M SORRY. I'M MEETING HER FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT.

BABY, SHE'S A MOM, OK?

DEAN, I'M SORRY. I JUST--

I WANT YOUR PARENTS TO LIKE ME, OK?

IT'S DINNER, OK? RELAX.

OK. ALL RIGHT.

SO, LISTEN. I'M GONNA GET GOING.

YOU GONNA WEAR THAT?

THIS? I--I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT.

ALL RIGHT. SO, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, ALL RIGHT, BABE?

I CAN'T WEAR THIS. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

WHOO! COME BACK, BABY. COME ON!

DAD.

WHOO! TAKING GORDON ON THE INSIDE!

DAD. YEAH, JIMMY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE CAR? PLAYING WITH IT.

YOU KNOW, I WAS PLAYING WITH IT

AND YOU WENT OFF ON ME.

YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU STOLE IT, OK?

SO YOU SEE HOW MUCH FUN I'M HAVING?

WHOO-HOO! RIGHT?

THAT'S THE FUN YOU'RE NOT HAVING,

'CAUSE YOU STOLE IT.

YEAH, YEAH, IT HURTS, DOESN'T IT?

HEY, HENRY, WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

IZZY. HE'S A LIZARD. HE'S OUR CLASS PET.

BUT TONIGHT HE'S SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH ME.

I'M GONNA SEE HOW MANY SKITTLES HE CAN EAT.

OH, HENRY, I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK LIZARDS EAT SKITTLES.

I KNOW. I'M GONNA CHEW 'EM UP AND VOMIT 'EM

BACK INTO HIS MOUTH.

AH, DEAN-O.

JUST THE GUY I WAS LOOKING FOR.

YEAH?

ALL RIGHT, THIS LOVE TRIANGLE

IS TEARING LILY APART.

[CHUCKLES] WHAT?!

I CAN'T DO THIS TO LILY ANYMORE, DEAN.

I'M OUT. YOU'RE OUT OF WHAT?

THE TRIANG MAN. TRY TO KEEP UP!

ALL RIGHT, BUT IN THIS LITTLE TRIANGLE OF YOURS,

I MEAN, THE 2 DUDE CORNERS--

THEY DON'T HOOK UP OR ANYTHING, RIGHT?

THE TRIANGLE IS GONE.

SHE'S YOURS. I'M OUT.

OK. I'M NOT GONNA STAND IN YOUR WAY

ANY LONGER.

BUT I JUST HOPE YOU REALIZE

WHAT A SPECIAL LADY YOU HAVE UP THERE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT HEY, NOW YOU'RE OUT,

LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE FRIENDLY PIECE OF ADVICE.

THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE EVER GONNA SCORE

IS IF YOU GET A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE FROM DORKISTAN.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I TRY TO BE A STAND-UP GUY, BUT YOU INSULT ME.

NO, I'M BACK IN, BITCH!

THE BRADSTER IS BACK IN!

WHAT'S THE BRADSTER YELLING ABOUT?

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET A LITTLE RESPECT. MRS. F.

A LITTLE RESPECT.

YOU HANG IN THERE, BRADSTER.

BRADSTER'S FINALLY STARTING TO STICK.

Lily, screaming: MOMMY!

COMING.

MOMMY!

WHAT? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LOOK AT MY CLOTHES.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DYING.

I WISH!

I--I--I HAVE TO HAVE DINNER AT DEAN'S PARENTS' HOUSE,

AND I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.

SWEETIE, WHAT YOU'RE WEARING IS NICE.

THAT'S NOT WHAT DEAN THINKS.

OK, JUST CLAM DOWN. TAKE A BREATH.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE WAS LEAVING, AND HE LOOKED AT ME

AND SAID, "ARE YOU WEARING THAT?"

DID YOU SMASH HIS BIG FAT HEAD IN?

I SHOULD HAVE. I SHOULD HAVE, SHOULDN'T I?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!

[SARCASTICALLY] "ARE YOU WEARING THAT?

"IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? THAT THING? THAT THAT THAT?!"

JUST CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT? MAYBE

HE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT.

I MEAN, IF YOU WANT MY OPINION,

THAT SHIRT IS SO PRETTY ON YOU,

AND THOSE PANTS WORK PERFECTLY WITH IT.

REALLY?

OK. THANKS, MOM.

WHAT'S IN YOUR CLOSET?

THIS IS MADNESS!

WHAT IS THIS YOUNG AMERICAN FINNERTY THINKING?

THINKING HE CAN JUMP HIS NITRO-BURNING BARRACUDA 100 METERS

OVER AN OPEN, BURNING PIT OF FIRE!

HE'S DONE IT!

THEY'VE PULLED HIM FROM THE CAR...

FINNERTY IS ALIVE!

HEH HEH...YOU REALIZE, OF COURSE,

IF YOUR KIDS FIND YOU PLAYING WITH FIRE,

IT'S GONNA BE REALLY HARD TO TELL THEM NOT TO PLAY WITH FIRE.

WELL, THAT'S THE PRICE OF GLORY, BABY.

WHERE WERE YOU TODAY? I WAS CALLING YOU TO COME PICK ME UP.

OH, I HAD TO GO BY THE SCHOOL AND SEE SISTER HELEN.

LILY OR HENRY?

UH-UH. NO...JIMMY.

ZZZOOOMMM!

AH, MR. FINNERTY, HAVE A SEAT.

OH, HEY, THAT'S A COOL CAR. CAN I TRY IT?

NO. COME ON.

I SAID NO!

I TOOK THIS CAR FROM JIMMY. HE STOLE IT.

JIMMY? NO. NO WAY.

I'M AFRAID SO.

HE WAS BOASTING ABOUT IT TO THE OTHER STUDENTS.

OH, NO, NO, NO. JIMMY WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

THERE HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF EXPLANATION.

YES, THERE IS.

HE MET WITH OUR SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST,

DR. JERRY.

Dr. Jerry speaking in high-pitched voice: SO, JIMMY,

A LOT OF KIDS FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE

TALKING TO ME THAN TO JERRY.

I DON'T.

[STILL SPEAKING IN HIGH VOICE] HOW COME?

'CAUSE I'M NOT 5.

[NORMAL VOICE] DO YOU WANT TO HIT THE DOLL, JIMMY?

NO.

GOOD. GOOD.

JIMMY, YOU LIKE TO TAKE THINGS THAT AREN'T YOURS,

DON'T YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

OK. DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL STRONG,

LIKE YOU'RE IN CONTROL?

LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW. I JUST SAW IT, AND I WANTED IT.

JIMMY, DO YOU LIKE SMALL ANIMALS?

YEAH.

YEAH, THEY'RE GREAT, AREN'T THEY?

DO YOU EVER HURT SMALL ANIMALS?

NO! OK.

JIMMY, DO YOU EVER DREAM SOMETIMES THAT YOU'RE BIG

AND STRONG AND POWERFUL?

MAYBE. I GUESS.

AND IN THOSE DREAMS, DO YOU EVER HURT SMALL ANIMALS?

NO. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH SMALL ANIMALS.

I THINK THEY'RE FANTASTIC.

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE KISSING THEM?

MR. FINNERTY, HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW JIMMY?

HEY, HE'S MY SON, OK?

I KNOW HIM BETTER THAN ANYBODY.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A PROBLEM WITH SHOPLIFTING.

OH, LOOK, ONE TIME DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A PROBLEM,

IF, INDEED, HE STOLE THAT.

AND IF HE DID, BELIEVE YOU ME,

HE'S GONNA BE PUNISHED IN THE MANNER THAT WE SEE FIT,

AS HIS PARENTS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, BY THE WAY,

I BELIEVE THIS CAME WITH A CHARGING STATION.

I CANNOT BELIEVE JIMMY STOLE.

OH, COME ON. ONE LITTLE CAR...

WHICH I'M NOT SAYING IS RIGHT,

BUT THEY'RE BLOWING THIS THING WAY OUT OF PROPORTION.

IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.

OK, YOU GET NO SAY.

YOU PRINT UP YOUR OWN RANGERS TICKETS.

NOT GOOD SEATS.

IT'S SO NOT LIKE JIMMY.

I MEAN, HENRY, SURE, HE'S A LOOSE CANNON.

YOU KNOW, LILY, SHE'S PRETTY MUCH CAPABLE OF ANYTHING.

BUT JIMMY'S ALWAYS BEEN OUR ROCK.

OK, UNCLE EDDIE, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY OUTFIT?

NO.

WHAT?!

I'M NOT ANSWERING THAT QUESTION.

NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.

I JUST WANT AN OPINION, PLEASE.

I HAVEN'T GOT ONE.

ED, SHE'S-- Claudia: SEAN, DON'T.

JUST--JUST, DON'T--

YOU WANT AN OPINION?

I THINK YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL IN ANYTHING.

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

NO, I JUST MEAN THAT I THINK

YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, HUH?!

NICE WORK. WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG?!

WHAT?

LILY. HEY!

LISTEN, I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT YOUR DAD,

BUT COME ON, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE MAKING

A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS?

IT A BIG DEAL!

I'M HAVING DINNER WITH DEAN'S PARENTS,

AND HE DIDN'T GIVE ME ANYTHING TO GO ON.

ALL HE SAID WAS, "THAT?"

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

THAT GHASTLY OUTFIT WILL SHOCK MY PARENTS,

BUT WILL GIVE ME SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT

WITH MY NEXT GIRLFRIEND.

LILY, HONEY, RELAX, ALL RIGHT?

WHY DO YOU THINK DEAN EVEN WANTS YOU TO MEET HIS PARENTS?

'CAUSE HE LIKES YOU.

OK? SO JUST RELAX.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'VE GOTTA BE RATIONAL ABOUT THIS.

I'M GONNA CALL HIM UP AND TELL HIM I'M SICK,

AND THEN I'LL HAVE AN EXTRA DAY

TO GET A WHOLE NEW OUTFIT.

[COUGHING]

[SICKLY VOICE] HELLO, DEAN...

HOW'S THAT?

HEY. KNOCK KNOCK.

HEY, MOM. WHAT'S UP? HI.

UM, YOUR DAD TOLD ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER,

AND, SWEETIE, I WAS A LITTLE SURPRISED.

I MEAN, STEALING IS SERIOUS.

I KNOW, MOM.

I KNOW YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU'RE A GOOD KID. YOU KNOW?

IS THIS SHIRT NEW? IT'S PRETTY NEW.

IT'S STILL GOT THE ANTI-THEFT TAG ON IT!

IT'S REALLY NEW.

WHAT ARE THOSE? WHAT ARE--

THESE ALL HAVE-- JIMMY!

WELL, IT'S THE COOL THING, THEY LET YOU KEEP 'EM ON NOW.

OH, YEAH. YEAH, RIGHT.

SEAN, GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW! WHAT--

WHAT IS THIS?

WHERE ARE THESE WATCHES FROM?!

YOU KNOW, MOM, THIS IS MY ROOM.

YES, AND IT'S IN MY HOUSE.

SNEAKERS AND... MORE SNEAKERS.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

LOOK AT ALL THIS CRAP THAT JIMMY STOLE!

NO.

YES. JIMMY...

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD KID.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO STUPID STUFF LIKE THAT.

OH, COME ON. HOW WOULD YOU TWO EVEN KNOW WHAT I DO?

SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN THINK YOU KNOW I'M LIVING HERE.

LILY, LILY, HENRY, LILY.

HENRY, HENRY. LILY, LILY.

LILY, HENRY, LILY, HENRY...

Claudia: HENRY.

ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!

ME, ME, ME, ME.... LILY, LILY, HENRY...

LILY, HENRY...

ME. ME!

[ALL CHATTERING]

THAT'S NOT TRUE. WE GIVE YOU A LOT OF ATTENTION.

A LOT. OH, REALLY?

WHO'S MY BEST FRIEND?

UH...THE, UH...

THE--THE POINTY-HEADED KID WHO SNIFFS HIS HANDS A LOT.

RUDY. RUDY.

RUDY. RUDY.

THAT'S HENRY'S BEST FRIEND.

WHAT'S MY FAVORITE BAND?

UM... UM...

POSTERS AREN'T GONNA HELP YOU.

WE WEREN'T, 'CAUSE WE KNOW--

LOOK AT MY SHIRT.

THAT'S A BAND?

YES. I LISTEN TO 'EM ALL THE TIME,

BUT I GUESS YOU GUYS DON'T HEAR.

OH, COME ON. GIVE US A BREAK, HENRY, WE--

Jimmy: JIMMY!

OOH... VERY NICE.

I KNOW YOUR NAME'S JIMMY. I WAS JOKING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M PLAYING HIDE-AND-SEEK

WITH MY LIZARD, AND...

HE'S REALLY GOOD.

OK, UNCLE EDDIE.

I FINALLY PICKED OUT MY OUTFIT.

OH, AND I FIGURED OUT WHAT DEAN WAS IMPLYING

ABOUT MY OTHER OUTFIT.

SEE, I WAS WEARING A WHITE TOP,

AND HE WAS WORRIED. BECAUSE HIS FAMILY'S ITALIAN.

SO THEY WOULD HAVE RED SAUCE AND PASTA FOR DINNER,

AND HE WAS CONCERNED I WOULD GET A STAIN. HA.

TOTALLY MAKES SENSE, DOESN'T IT?

YOU HAVE A LIZARD IN YOUR HAIR.

GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!

EEH! AAH!

YOU'RE IT!

OH.

MMM.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

DEAN! HEY, BABY.

HEY. I, UH,

BROUGHT YOU SOME SOUP.

OH, THANK YOU. I'M FEELING SO MUCH BETTER.

HA HA HA. YOU KNOW,

I THINK IT WAS ONE OF THOSE 12 HOUR BUGS

WHERE, YOU KNOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU'RE, LIKE--

[BELCHES, FARTS] KIND OF THING.

GOOD. SO YOU'RE STILL COMING OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT, RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY. GOOD.

THEN I'M GONNA GET GOIN'.

'CAUSE YOU PROBABLY WANNA GO GET DRESSED.

YEAH, OF COURSE. I MEAN,

I COULDN'T POSSIBLY...

BYE!

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?

NOTHIN'. SOUP-- I BROUGHT HER SOUP.

OK, THE NEXT TIME YOU WANNA SAY ANYTHING TO HER,

YOU RUN IT BY ME FIRST, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S THE STOLEN CAR.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BRING IT BACK.

YES, I THOUGHT SO, TOO.

[CLEARS THROAT] EXCUSE ME.

UM, I NEED TO RETURN THIS CAR.

STORE CREDIT ONLY.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IT'S STORE CREDIT ONLY, AND YOU'RE LUCKY TO GET THAT.

THIS HAS CLEARLY BEEN PLAYED WITH.

YES, IT HAS. BUT I DON'T WANT STORE CREDIT.

LET ME TRANSLATE THIS INTO BLONDE FOR YOU.

CREDIT? YES. REFUND? NO.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.

I THINK I'M GONNA KEEP THIS.

GOOD. BYE.

AND I'M GONNA TELL EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS

TO NEVER SHOP HERE AGAIN,

AND THEY ARE REALLY BIG NERDS

WHO LOVE THIS CRAP.

THAT CREEP DESERVES TO GET RIPPED OFF.

I AGREE. YOU SHOULD SEND JIMMY IN THERE, CLEAN HIM OUT.

JIMMY'S NOT STEALING ANYMORE, ALL RIGHT?

HE JUST NEEDED A LITTLE ATTENTION,

AND NOW WE'RE GIVING IT TO HIM.

HEY, YOU GUYS HAVE FUN?

OH, IT WAS FANTASTIC.

WE HAD A GREAT TIME. RIGHT, JIMMY?

YEAH. YEAH.

YEAH.

WHERE'D YOU GO?

OH, WE JUST, UH, YOU KNOW,

WENT AND DID "JIMMY STUFF."

GET A LITTLE BONDING IN.

YEAH, DID IT WORK?

WELL, IT WAS A START.

ALL RIGHT. THIS IS GREAT. SO, UH...

WHAT'S THIS BOBA STUFF?

WELL, IT'S TAIWANESE TEA.

BUT IT HAS, LIKE, THESE PEARLS OF TAPIOCA IN IT.

OH, SO THIS IS WHERE YOU AND YOUR BUDS LIKE TO HANG OUT?

EVERY DAY. YEAH. HERE, LOOK, SEE,

THESE ARE THE FLAVORS.

OH, COCONUT, SESAME, LICHEE, TARO, CEREAL...

WHOO, BOY, THAT'S NOT AN EASY CHOICE, HUH?

WHOA--WHOA--WHOA--WHOA-- WHOA--WHOA--WHOA. WHO'S THAT?

OH, THAT'S PRINCESS PATCHINKO. ISN'T SHE HOT?

YEAH, SHE'S GOT QUITE A BOD ON HER.

HEY, WHAT'S THAT? UH, THAT SCALY THING RIGHT THERE?

OH, THAT'S HER TAIL.

THAT'S A SEXY TAIL.

SO YOU HAVE TO SUCK DOWN THE BLOBS?

YEAH.

MMM! OH, GOD, IT'S LIKE DRINKING A LAVA LAMP!

JIMMY!

WAIT A MINUTE. SO SHE WANTS

TO COLLECT THE 7 SPIRITS?

NO, SHE POSSESSES THE 7 SPIRITS.

BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO MATE WITH THE OVERFIEND.

NO, SHE HAS TO PROTECT THE SPIRITS FROM THE 5 PRINCESSES.

OH, THEY WANNA MATE WITH THE OVERFIEND.

NO, THEY JUST WANNA DESTROY PATCHINKO.

WELL, ARE THEY FROM THE SAME KING AND QUEEN?

THERE'S NO KING AND QUEEN.

WELL, THEN, HOW THE HELL ARE THEY PRINCESSES?

SHE DESCENDED FROM THE ANOINTED ONE.

OH, THE ANOINTED ONE WANTS TO MATE WITH THE OVERFIEND.

NOBODY WANTS TO MATE WITH THE OVERFIEND, ALL RIGHT?

LOOK AT HIM! HE'S A FREAKIN' FIEND!

SHE'S GOT A TAIL!

SHE CAN'T BE CHOOSY!

WE OPENED UP SOME CHANNELS.

WOW, YOU GOT HIM A BUNCH OF COMIC BOOKS.

OK, FIRST OF ALL, THEY'RE NOT COMICS. THEY'RE MANGA,

AND SECONDLY, IT'S SOMETHIN' WE CAN BOND OVER.

WHY DID YOU GET HIM 3 PAIRS OF SUNGLASSES?

I DIDN'T BUY HIM SUNGLASSES.

HE STOLE 'EM.

DAMN IT!

YOU KNOW, I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WITH HIM

AND IT GOT ME NOWHERE.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES, I--I--I--I THINK

I DON'T KNOW THAT KID AT ALL.

HONEY, DON'T SAY THAT.

NO, I KNOW. I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.

BUT IT'S LIKE WE'RE ON DIFFERENT PLANETS.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW HE'S MY SON. HE'S MY FLESH AND BLOOD.

I'D DIE FOR HIM. BUT I JUST...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM AT ALL.

I DO.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH, I DO. 'CAUSE HE'S LIKE ME.

OH, GOD! OH, COME ON!

HE'S GOT LAYERS, YOU KNOW?

THERE'S NOT--NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO OBVIOUS, YOU KNOW?

OH, REALLY?

YEAH. I GOT LAYERS.

YEAH, YOU GOT LAYERS.

YOUR LAYERS ARE ALL ON THE SURFACE, THOUGH.

OH.

I DON'T MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY.

I JUST MEAN, YOU KNOW,

THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU YOU.

JUST LOUD AND COLORFUL...

UH-HUH. AND FUNNY AND...

OK.

I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.

[SIGHS] OH, MY GOD.

I'VE GOT IT.

WHAT? I'LL TEACH HIM GUITAR.

YEAH? YOU THINK HE'D BE INTO THAT?

HE'S THE PERFECT AGE. I'LL GET HIM A GUITAR.

WE'LL PLAY TOGETHER. WE'LL BOND.

HEY, MOM.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE SWALLOW LIZARDS?

PEOPLE DON'T SWALLOW LIZARDS, HENRY.

SOME PEOPLE DO.

Sean: HENRY.

DID YOU SWALLOW IZZY?

HEY, HE WAS THE ONE THAT WAY PLAYING IN MY MOUTH.

THAT'S IT. PUT ON YOUR COAT.

WE'RE GOING TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

OH, COME ON. I'M SO SICK OF THAT PLACE.

YES. SO AM I.

COAT.

DUDE, YOUR DAD FOUND THE SUNGLASSES.

OH. HOW DID HE REACT?

EXACTLY THE WAY YOU WANTED HIM TO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THIS WHOLE KLEPTOMANIAC THING IS--IS BENEATH YOU.

IT IS?

YEAH, I MEAN, IT'S--

IT'S CLASSIC TEENAGE ACTING-OUT STUFF.

I MEAN, WHAT, DID YOU LOOK UP "MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME" IN A PSYCHOLOGY BOOK?

ACTUALLY, I--I DID A GOOGLE SEARCH.

OH.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, ONE TIME, I--I CONVINCED MY DAD

I HAD GENDER ISSUES.

IT GOT ME OUT OF THE CUB SCOUTS.

HOW'D YOU PULL THAT ONE OFF?

CHANEL NO. 5.

MAN, I-- I'M AN AMATEUR.

NO--NO--NO--NO--NO. YOU DID A GOOD ONE ON YOUR DAD THERE.

BUT NOW YOU GOTTA EASE UP.

YOU GOTTA LAY OFF HIM. 'CAUSE HE'S FREAKIN' OUT NOW.

I THINK THE SUNGLASSES DROVE HIM OVER THE EDGE.

OH, WELL, I PAID FOR THE SUNGLASSES.

YOU PAID FOR THE SUNGLASSES.

OH, YEAH. I PAID FOR A LOT OF STUFF THEY THINK I STOLE.

THE ACTUAL STEALING SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

WELL, THAT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE YOU ANYWAY.

BUT JUST EASE UP NOW. YOU KNOW,

YOU GOT YOUR OLD MAN WHERE YOU WANT HIM.

JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY IT FOR A WHILE.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TRY. IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,

IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER

IF HE WAS INTERESTED IN THE STUFF THAT I'M INTO.

YEAH, BUT DADS AREN'T LIKE THAT.

DO YOU THINK MY DAD WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH ME,

AND LISTEN TO DEAD MILKMEN RECORDS?

IT'S JUST TOO BAD, THOUGH.

YOU KNOW, IT'S, LIKE, THERE'S THIS NEW HONG KONG MOVIE

PLAYING IN MANHATTAN.

MAGIC JANUARY FIRE 6?

YEAH. HE'D NEVER TAKE ME TO SEE THAT.

SO THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT ME FOR.

YOU KNOW IT'S RATED "R," RIGHT?

YEAH, I THINK I CAN PASS FOR AN ADULT GUARDIAN.

[DOOR OPENS]

OOH! WHAT DID YOU NEED?

BRAD. OOH!

I NEED A GUY'S OPINION.

I'M YOUR GUY.

YES. OK. SEE, I'M GOING TO DINNER AT DEAN'S HOUSE,

AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR.

FIRST, I THOUGHT I'D WEAR MY BLACK TURTLENECK.

BUT THEN I'D LOOK KINDA ARTSY,

AND WHAT IF THEY DON'T LIKE ARTSY PEOPLE

AND THEY THINK I'M A BIG POSER?

SO THEN I THOUGHT, "OK, OK, I'LL WEAR PAISLEY."

PAISLEY. BUT NOT EVERYBODY LIKES PAISLEY.

YOU KINDA LIKE PAISLEY OR YOU DON'T.

SO WHY EVEN RISK IT?

WELL, I THINK YOU COULD WEAR--

AND THEN I THOUGHT I SHOULD WEAR MY BOOTS.

BUT THEY'RE 4 INCH HEELS,

AND WHAT IF DEAN'S MOM'S, LIKE, REALLY SHORT,

AND I'M REALLY TALL, AND I'M HUNCHING OVER,

AND SHE THINKS I'M BEING ALL CONDESCENDING,

AND I MIGHT AS WELL JUST WEAR THE PAISLEY!

LILY! LILY! STOP IT!

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL IN ALL THOSE THINGS.

YOU'RE NO HELP! YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY DAD!

LILY, LISTEN, IF YOU REALLY WANNA WOW HIM,

I THINK YOU SHOULD WEAR THAT DENIM SKIRT.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE FLOWERS AROUND THE BOTTOM,

AND THAT RED SHIRT WITH THE SILVER CLASPY THINGS.

OOH--OOH--OOH--OOH--OOH. AMETHYST EARRINGS.

THEY REALLY BRING OUT THE SPARKLES OF GREEN IN YOUR EYES.

WOW.

THANKS, BRAD.

NOT A PROBLEM.

BRADSTER'S WEARIN' HER DOWN.

Lily: WHAT?

NOTHING!

OH, HEY, JIM. HEY, COME ON. SIT DOWN.

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU SOME CHORDS.

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, IF I--IF I COULD JUST--

OH, I--I KNOW. YOU WANT YOUR OWN GUITAR, AND YOU'LL GET ONE.

BUT, YOU KNOW, FOR TONIGHT, WE CAN--

NO, DAD. IF I CAN JUST SAY SOMETHING.

I REALLY SCREWED UP, AND I'M SORRY.

ALL THAT STEALING, IT WAS STUPID.

YEAH. YEAH, IT WAS, AND--AND I'M SORRY

I DIDN'T SEE IT COMIN'.

OK, AND IF YOU EVER FEEL

LIKE I'M TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED, JUST CALL ME ON IT.

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE SHUT OUT OF THE STUFF

THAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU IN YOUR LIFE.

WELL, IF YOU'RE SERIOUS... I AM.

UNCLE EDDIE WAS GONNA TAKE ME TO THIS MOVIE.

OH, COOL. I'M IN. WHAT IS IT?

UH, MAGIC JANUARY FIRE 6.

SOUNDS GREAT.

IT'S THE UNCUT VERSION.

IN THE ORIGINAL CANTONESE.

WOW.

OK, YOU SEE, THERE ARE THESE

IMMORTAL SHAOLIN MONKS, AND THEY'VE MASTERED

THE FIGHTING TECHNIQUES OF THE DRAGON

IN ORDER TO REUNITE THE SPIRITS--

WHOA--WHOA--WHOA--WHOA. UH, D-DON'T RUIN IT

FOR ME, ALL RIGHT?

OH, HEY, LISTEN, DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME.

I MEAN, I KNOW YOU HATE THIS STUFF.

NO, I DON'T. I WANNA BE THERE.

I WANNA BE THERE AND HANG WITH YOU, OK?

OK, I HAVE 10 MINUTES TO GET TO DEAN'S.

I'VE DECIDED ON AN OUTFIT,

AND I'M AT PEACE WITH IT.

WELL, HAVE A GOOD TIME.

I HOPE TO. AND I KNOW I'M YOUR DAD,

BUT I JUST WANNA SAY--

NO--NO--NO--NO-- NO--NO--NO--NO!

NO--NO, HEAR ME OUT!

* LA DA LA DA LA DA LA DA LA DA LA DA LA DA LA *

THIS PASTA LOOKS DELICIOUS.

MY COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF.

HEY, LILY.

HOW ABOUT PASSING ME SOME OF THAT GARLIC BREAD?

SURE, MR. PIRAMATTI.

THANKS.

LILY, LILY, HENRY, HENRY, LILY, LILY...

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME...

Claudia: LILY, LILY, LILY, HENRY, HENRY, HENRY, HENRY...

ME, ME, ME...

[ALL CHATTERING]

HENRY, LILY, LILY, LILY...

ME!

LILY, JIMMY, JIMMY.

Sean: LILY, HENRY, LILY, JIMMY.

JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY, LILY, HENRY, JIMMY, JIMMY.

Claudia: JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY.

JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY, JIMMY.