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1
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:07,841
ARE YOU OK?
2
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:08,942
YEAH, I'M FINE.
GOOD. GOOD. FINE.
3
00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,811
YEAH, IT'S A--
I MEAN, IT'S JUST
A VASECTOMY, RIGHT?
4
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,781
IT'S NORMAL.
IT'S ROUTINE.
IN A COUPLE YEARS, UH,
5
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,084
THEY'RE PROBABLY
GONNA HAVE A HOME KIT,
YOU KNOW?
6
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,786
RIGHT. AND,
YOU KNOW, AS A BLOOD
AND TISSUE DONOR,
7
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,821
I'M HERE IN CASE
ANYTHING GOES WRONG.
8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,091
OH, GOD!
OH, GOD!
9
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,024
WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS, ANYWAY?
10
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:26,760
'CAUSE, ED, I--I MADE
A PROMISE TO CLAUDIA.
11
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,329
MEA CULPA,
MEA MAXIMA CULPA,
12
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,830
OH, LORD, MEA CULPA,
MEA MAXIMA CULPA--
13
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,066
SEAN, WHY IS IT
THE ONLY TIME
YOU EVER PRAY
14
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,434
IS WHEN I'M TAKING
A PREGNANCY TEST?
15
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,702
WHAT ELSE
SHOULD I BE DOING?
16
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,171
YOU CAN DO WHAT
WE TALK ABOUT
17
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,639
EVERY TIME
THIS HAPPENS.
18
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:39,840
GET A VASECTOMY.
19
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,543
SURE,
THAT'S ONE OPTION.
20
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:43,644
OH, COME ON!
21
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,379
WE ARE NOT GOOD
AT BIRTH CONTROL.
22
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,548
WE TRIED
EVERY FORM THERE IS,
AND NOTHING WORKS
23
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,783
'CAUSE WE'RE TOTALLY
IRRESPONSIBLE.
24
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,419
VASECTOMIES
ARE FOOLPROOF!
25
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:52,486
THEY JUST,
SNIP, SNIP--
26
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,255
YOU'RE DONE.
OHH...
27
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,190
COME ON, ALL RIGHT?
JUST...
28
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:57,158
DO IT FOR ME!
29
00:00:57,191 --> 00:01:00,328
OK. OK, I'LL DO IT,
I PROMISE.
30
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,130
SO, THE GOOD NEWS IS
WE'RE NOT PREGNANT,
31
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:06,700
AND THE BAD NEWS
IS THEY'RE SNIPPIN'
MY NADS OFF.
32
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,303
IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
33
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,738
IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
NOT LIKE THAT GUY
WHO WENT IN
34
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,506
FOR LASER SURGERY
AND BLED OUT ON THE TABLE.
35
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,509
LOOK, I'M NOT GETTIN'
THE OPERATION
ON MY EYES, ALL RIGHT?
36
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,644
IT'S A VASECTOMY.
IT'S SIMPLE.
37
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,512
I HAD A FRIEND
WHO HAD A VASECTOMY...
38
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:22,783
AND HE CAUGHT TETANUS
FROM A RUSTY SCALPEL.
39
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,452
REMEMBER THAT GUY?
NO, I DON'T REMEM--
40
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,419
BLED OUT ON THE TABLE.
41
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,755
ALL RIGHT! STOP SAYING
"BLED OUT ON THE TABLE"!
42
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,523
MR. FINNERTY?
YEAH.
43
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:30,391
YEAH.
44
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,226
NOW, DON'T WORRY, OK?
45
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,894
I'LL CHECK IN
ON YOU PERIODICALLY
46
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,529
JUST TO MAKE SURE
THAT HE'S NOT TOUCHING YOU
47
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:36,897
WHILE YOU'RE UNDER
THE ANESTHETIC.
48
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,632
WILL YOU STOP TRYING
TO FREAK ME OUT?!
49
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:39,533
I'M NOT TRYING
TO FREAK YOU OUT.
50
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,669
I'M TRYING TO NOT
FREAK YOU OUT.
51
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,704
ALL RIGHT...
52
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:02,656
EEYUU! THIS BATMAN FOREVER
CEREAL IS SO STALE.
53
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,425
THAT MOVIE'S
OLDER THAN YOU.
54
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,760
WHY DOES DAD HAVE TO
BUY EVERYTHING
55
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,263
AT 99 CENT STORES?
56
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,266
'CAUSE HE SPENT ALL
OF OUR MONEY ON A BAR,
57
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,302
SO NOW WE'RE POOR.
58
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:15,736
Henry: OH, MY GOD!
59
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:16,537
IS THAT A CROISSANT?!
60
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,506
MAYBE.
WHY DO YOU HAVE
A CROISSANT,
61
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,308
AND WE'RE STUCK EATING
STALE MARSHMALLOWS
62
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,676
SHAPED LIKE
VAL KILMER'S HEAD?
63
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,379
BECAUSE I HAVE MONEY
AND YOU DON'T.
64
00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:26,614
WHERE'D
YOU GET MONEY?
65
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,681
I EARNED IT.
66
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,917
I'M TUTORING BRAD
IN CALCULUS.
67
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:30,784
CALCULUS? [SNORTS]
68
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,187
YOU BARELY
PASSED ALGEBRA.
69
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:33,921
HMM...
70
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,357
HMM, AND YET I HAVE
A CROISSANT.
71
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:40,594
I WISH I KNEW SOMEBODY
STUPID LIKE BRAD.
72
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,730
OH, HEY, ED.
73
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:43,464
UH, WHO'S THIS?
74
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,499
THIS IS GEOFF
WITH A "G."
HI.
75
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:48,269
HE'S DESIGNING, UH,
THE NEW WEB SITE
FOR OUR BAR.
76
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,871
WHAT?
RED-BOOT-PUB.COM
77
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,840
WELL, WHAT DO WE NEED
A WEB SITE FOR?
78
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:53,841
WE SELL MUGS OF BEER.
79
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,809
THIS IS THE 21st CENTURY,
FRIEND.
80
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,679
EVERY BUSINESS
NEEDS A WEB PRESENCE.
81
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,649
SEE, UH, USING
A FLASH INTERFACE,
82
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,418
WE CAN BRING
THE RED BOOT PUB
EXPERIENCE
83
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,787
DIRECTLY
TO THE WEB USER.
84
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,989
WE COULD GET
10,000 HITS
85
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,724
IN THE FIRST WEEK,
JUST FOR STARTERS.
86
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,693
WHOA, WHOA. WHY WOULD
WE GET ANY HITS?
87
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:13,694
BECAUSE PEOPLE
MIGHT WANNA SEE
88
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,396
HOW OUR SOFTBALL TEAM'S
DOING.
89
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,630
I'D BE INTO THAT.
90
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,466
WE DON'T HAVE
A SOFTBALL TEAM!
91
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,734
WELL, WE COULD HAVE
BARTENDER OF THE MONTH.
92
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:21,669
OH, YEAH,
YEAH, GREAT.
93
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,304
FIRST MONTH
IT COULD BE ME,
94
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,805
THEN YOU,
THEN ME AGAIN.
95
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,807
HEY, HEY.
HEY. HEY.
96
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,410
HOW COME YOU
GET TO BE FIRST?
97
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,845
DON'T WALK
AWAY FROM ME.
98
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:34,848
HEY, BABE.
99
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,717
HEY, BABY.
100
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:37,451
YEAH.
101
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:39,887
YEAH, YOU LOOK,
UH--YEAH...
102
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,988
[CHUCKLES]
103
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:41,889
DADDY LIKES?
104
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,024
DADDY LIKE, YEAH!
105
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,259
YOU GOT A KIND OF GROOVY
106
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,661
[COCKNEY ACCENT]
EMMA PEEL KIND OF THING
GOING ON, YOU KNOW?
107
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,530
MMM. YEAH, I DON'T
KNOW WHO THAT IS,
108
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,464
BUT KEEP TALKIN'.
109
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,566
OH, WE'RE, UH--WE'RE
WAY PAST TALKIN', BABY.
110
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,601
YEAH?
MMM,
111
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,436
IF YOU WEREN'T
GOIN' RUNNIN',
I'D BE ALL OVER YOU.
112
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,737
I DON'T HAVE TO
GO RUNNING.
113
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:57,605
BUT YOU'RE WEARIN'
YOUR WHOLE--
114
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,807
YEAH, I ALREADY
WENT. CONTINUE.
MMM--
115
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,510
AAH! OHH!
116
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:03,544
AAH!
117
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,712
WHAT?
118
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,846
AAH!
OH, HONEY...
119
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:06,847
AAH!
120
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:07,815
ARE YOU OK?
121
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,718
AAH! YEAH,
JUST MY, UM...
122
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:11,785
VASECTOMY.
123
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:12,520
STILL?
YEAH.
124
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:13,421
SHOULDN'T IT HAVE
HEALED BY NOW?
125
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,823
NO, THE DOCTOR SAID
IT WAS GONNA BE TENDER
126
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:16,657
FOR A WHILE. OHH!
127
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,859
HONEY, I'LL
BE TENDER.
128
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,561
OH, I KNOW,
BUT, BABY, WE CAN'T.
129
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,362
WE JUST
HAVE TO LAY OFF IT
130
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:22,963
FOR JUST
A LITTLE WHILE,
YOU KNOW?
131
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:23,997
I JUST--GIVE IT A--
132
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:27,568
ARE YOU SURE EVERYTHING'S
OK WITH YOU AND WITH US?
133
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,469
YEAH,
OF COURSE, BABY!
134
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,970
IT'S JUST,
YOU KNOW, I HAVE
TO STAY OFF IT
135
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,672
FOR A WHILE--
I MEAN, NOT OFF IT,
136
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:34,775
YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
137
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:35,343
OK.
138
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,411
THANKS, BABY.
THANKS.
139
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:38,979
THANKS, BABY.
OHH!
140
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,648
AAH.
141
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,817
WHAT WAS THAT
ALL ABOUT?
OH, MAN!
142
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:46,920
WHY DON'T YOU MIND
YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS
FOR A CHANGE?
143
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:47,588
I WAS IN
THE DINING ROOM.
144
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,424
LOOK, IT'S
MY VASECTOMY, OK?
145
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,692
IT'S STILL
A LITTLE DELICATE.
146
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,094
WHERE WAS
THE DELICACY
YESTERDAY?
147
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,195
YOU THINK YOU CAN?
PUNK, COME ON.
148
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,730
YOU COMIN' THROUGH HERE?
YOU AIN'T COMIN' THROUGH.
149
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:57,898
YOU WANNA COME
THROUGH HERE, HUH?
150
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:58,766
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
151
00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,900
NO, YOU AIN'T
GOIN' NOWHERE! COME ON...
152
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,471
WELL--YE--
IT COMES AND GOES.
153
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:06,039
OH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE LYING.
154
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,811
ALL RIGHT,
I DIDN'T DO IT, OK?!
155
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:11,779
[THINKING]
WELL, THIS IS IT.
156
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,847
LOOKS LIKE A NICE, CLEAN,
PROFESSIONAL SETUP.
157
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:14,782
GOOD LIGHTING,
158
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,984
LOTS OF DIPLOMAS.
159
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,454
"McGILL UNIVERSITY."
160
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,889
MONTREAL. HUH.
161
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:25,459
I WONDER HOW MANY YEARS
MED SCHOOL IS IN CANADA?
162
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,794
[CHUCKLES] OH, NO.
163
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,562
I'M SURE HE'S FINE.
164
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:29,930
CANADA'S A MODERN COUNTRY.
165
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,600
HE PROBABLY
EVEN SPEAKS FRENCH.
166
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,835
WHAT IF HE DOESN'T
SPEAK ENGLISH?
167
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:39,773
WHAT IF, IN FRENCH,
"VASECTOMY" MEANS
"HATCHET JOB"?
168
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:40,774
OH, GOD.
169
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,876
WHAT'S THIS BUTCHER PAPER
FOR?
170
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,613
IS IT TO SOAK UP
ALL THE BLOOD?
171
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,147
OH, NO...
172
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,950
I COULD BLEED OUT
ON THE TABLE!
173
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,485
MR. FINNERTY?
174
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,053
STAY AWAY FROM ME,
YOU DEATH-DEALING,
175
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:56,356
MAPLE-SYRUP-LOVING
CANUCK FREAK!
176
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:57,691
OHH!
177
00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,027
FREDERICK BANTING
CAME FROM CANADA,
178
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,495
AND HE INVENTED
INSULIN.
179
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:05,032
THAT'S A GOOD FUN FACT
FOR THE WEB SITE.
180
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:07,701
ATTRACT DIABETICS.
181
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,703
OH, THAT--THAT'S--
THANK YOU, GEOFF.
182
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:12,506
WHY DON'T YOU GO BUILD
A HYPERLINK OR SOMETHING?
183
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,875
ALL RIGHT.
184
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,544
SO, CLAUDIA
DOESN'T KNOW
185
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:17,778
YOU'RE STILL ARMED
AND DANGEROUS?
186
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,581
NO. NO, SHE THINKS
I'M, UH, SAFE, YOU KNOW,
187
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,915
AND SHE'S RARIN' TO GO.
188
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,885
GOD--GOD,
IT'S BEEN TORTURE!
189
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,024
I'M TIRED
OF READING.
190
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,660
YEAH, ME, TOO, BABY.
191
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,828
GOOD NIGHT.
192
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,035
WHOA! WHOA! [LAUGHS]
193
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:42,870
WHOA--OH, UH, GOD!
194
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,939
UH, YEAH, I FORGOT
TO CHECK THE THING.
195
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:46,840
WHAT THING?
196
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:49,877
THE THING--THE KITCHEN
BY THE PORCH? YEAH.
197
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:50,878
GOTTA CHECK IT.
198
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,946
WH--WH--
[DOOR SLAMS]
199
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,082
WHAT THING?!
200
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,218
Sean: HO, WHOA! UH...
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
201
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,853
ALL DONE! YEAH. AHH.
202
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,822
BUT YOU STILL HAVE
SHAMPOO IN YOUR HAIR.
203
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,091
OH, NO, BABY, IT'S
SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER.
204
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,125
IT'S GOOD.
205
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,495
IT'S HEALTHY FOR IT.
206
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,097
IT'S BEEN
MAKING ME CRAZY.
207
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,031
YOU SHOULD'VE GOTTEN
THE OPERATION.
208
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,701
I COULDN'T!
IT'S NOT THAT
BIG A SACRIFICE.
209
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,669
TO SHOW HIS LOVE
FOR A WOMAN,
210
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,037
VAN GOGH
CUT OFF HIS EAR.
211
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,607
YEAH. YEAH, IT WAS
ONLY PART OF HIS EAR,
212
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,675
AND HE WAS INSANE.
213
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:22,943
HEY, MR. FINNERTY.
214
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,012
HEY, BRAD.
IS LILY AROUND?
215
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,079
YEAH, SHE'S UPSTAIRS.
216
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,482
BYE, MR. FINNERTY.
217
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,718
BYE, BRAD.
218
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,152
ALL RIGHT, SEAN, LOOK--
219
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,054
SO YOU WUSSED OUT
ON THE OPERATION.
220
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,756
SO WHAT? BIG DEAL.
JUST GO BACK
221
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,024
TO THAT DOCTOR
AND GET IT OVER WITH.
222
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:40,127
OH, YEAH, BELIEVE ME,
I WENT BACK.
223
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,063
ALL RIGHT, DOC, WHERE
DO WE GO FROM HERE?
224
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,633
WELL, WE'LL
HAVE TO SHAVE YOU.
225
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:49,236
STAY AWAY FROM ME,
YOU FREAKS!
226
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:52,339
YOU KNOW, DONE RIGHT,
227
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:55,142
IT ACTUALLY FEELS
KIND OF NICE.
228
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,111
I AM NOT GOING BACK!
229
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,081
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE
NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN
230
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,917
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU HAVE TO SNAP AT ME.
231
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,086
"FIND ALL POINTS
ON THE GRAPH 'Y'
232
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,856
"EQUALS 1/3
TIMES 'X' CUBED
233
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,124
PLUS 'X' SQUARED."
234
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,994
HMM...
235
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,164
WHERE
SHOULD I START?
236
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:18,632
YOU'LL NEVER
LEARN ANYTHING
237
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,768
IF I JUST GIVE YOU
THE ANSWER.
238
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,270
MAYBE
THE FIRST FUNCTION
WOULD BE...
239
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,607
F(X) EQUALS
1/3 "X" CUBED
240
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,876
PLUS "X" SQUARED
PLUS "X."
241
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,544
MAYBE.
242
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,146
NOW YOU'RE
GETTIN' SOMEWHERE.
GOOD! AND THEN?
243
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,115
WELL, THEN THAT MAKES
THE DERIVATIVE
244
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,650
F(X) EQUALS "X" SQUARED
245
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,018
PLUS 2(X) PLUS 1, RIGHT?
246
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,287
LET ME CHECK YOUR WORK.
247
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,855
YOU GOT IT!
248
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:42,990
[LAUGHS]
249
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,324
THANKS, LILY!
250
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,325
YOU'RE THE BEST.
251
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,727
YOU'RE WELCOME.
252
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,230
OK, LET'S GO TO
THE PROBLEM ON PAGE 20.
253
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,167
ARE YOU SMELLING
MY HAIR?
254
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,736
NO.
255
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,106
I MEAN, WHAT AM
I GONNA DO?!
256
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,141
ED, I DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH LONGER
I CAN HOLD OUT,
257
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,176
AND WE CAN'T AFFORD
TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN.
258
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,146
WHAT YOU NEED
IS FINANCIAL SECURITY...
259
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,982
AND THAT'S WHY WE NEED...
260
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,051
RED-BOOT-PUB.COM.
261
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,052
WHAT GOOD IS
A WEB SITE GONNA DO?
262
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,888
YOU CAN'T POUR
SOMEONE A BEER
OVER THE INTERNET.
263
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,023
WELL, NOT YET.
264
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:16,824
BUT, UH, WE--
265
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,092
WE CAN OFFER
DOWNLOADABLE
E-COUPONS
266
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,594
REDEEMABLE
FOR A FREE BEER.
267
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,763
OH, GREAT.
THANK YOU, GEOFF.
268
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:23,631
OR--OR, UH,
269
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:27,200
WE COULD BUILD
A 3-D VIRTUAL BAR
ONLINE
270
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,036
AND PEOPLE WOULDN'T
EVEN HAVE TO
271
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,337
GO TO THE BAR
AT ALL.
272
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,071
OH, YEAH, GREAT.
273
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,806
WE COULD JUST
SHUT THE BAR DOWN.
274
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,975
WE'D BE ABLE
TO FOCUS MORE
ON THE WEB SITE.
275
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:35,776
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT,
276
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,178
JUST GRAB YOUR STUFF
AND GO, PLEASE?
277
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,179
HE'S MOODY TODAY.
278
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,614
NO, I'M NOT! ALL RIGHT?
279
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,249
I'M JUST NOT IN
THE MOOD TO HUMOR YOU
280
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:45,052
IN ANOTHER ONE OF
YOUR HALF-BAKED SCHEMES.
281
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,086
EXCUSE ME,
I'M LEAVING.
OH, GOOD.
282
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,221
YEAH. NO,
I'M LEAVING.
YEAH!
283
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,191
IN 15 MINUTES,
I'M--I'M OUTTA HERE.
284
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,828
UH, SAME TIME TOMORROW?
285
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,096
NO!
286
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,331
OK.
287
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,400
HEY, EDDIE,
288
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,102
I GOTTA
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
289
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,972
LATELY,
SEAN SEEMS, UM...
290
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:05,673
CRANKY?
291
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,741
WELL, MOODY,
KIND OF, YOU KNOW?
292
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,710
EVER SINCE
THE OPERATION. HE JUST--
293
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,344
HE'S BEEN, UH...
294
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,080
CRANKY?
295
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,182
MAYBE IT'S ME.
MAYBE I'M, YOU KNOW--
296
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,417
I'M NOT DOING, WHATEVER
IT IS HE NEEDS ME TO DO.
297
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,652
I DON'T...
MAYBE.
298
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:19,452
MAYBE I'M
PUSHING TOO HARD.
299
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,889
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT
PUSHING HARD ENOUGH.
300
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:22,756
YOU THINK?
301
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:25,125
I'M NO EXPERT,
BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING--
302
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:28,862
SEAN DEFINITELY
HAD AN OPERATION.
303
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:29,697
MAYBE, YOU KNOW, UH,
304
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:33,100
HE'S FEELING
A LITTLE LESS THAN MANLY.
305
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,101
OH...
306
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,168
YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA
BE EROTIC.
307
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:38,038
YOU GOTTA BE SENSUAL.
YOU GOTTA BE IRRESISTIBLE.
308
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:38,972
YOU GOTTA USE YOUR WILES.
309
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,975
DO NOT HOLD BACK
ON THE WILES.
310
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,944
THAT--THAT'S
WHAT HE WANTS, HUH?
311
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,079
THAT'S WHAT
HE DESERVES.
312
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,248
OK, THANK YOU.
313
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,083
THANKS, ED.
314
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,152
HEY, JIMMY,
315
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,054
I'M GONNA NEED
A BACK ISSUE OF COSMO.
316
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,155
WHAT? COSMO?
317
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,791
YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT HAD,
UH, "50 TIPS FOR SPICE"--
318
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,960
UH, IT HAD CAMERON DIAZ
ON THE COVER?
319
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:00,894
WHY ARE YOU
ASKING ME?
320
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,830
I KNOW YOU TAKE THEM
FROM THE RECYCLING BIN,
321
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,197
AND I KNOW YOU STASH
THEM UNDER YOUR BED.
322
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,933
I DON'T CARE. I JUST
NEED THAT ISSUE.
323
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,300
OK? I THINK
IT WAS AUGUST.
324
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,368
MAYBE IT WAS JULY.
325
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,069
CAN I HAVE IT?
326
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,271
CAN YOU HAVE WHAT?
OH, COME ON!
327
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,272
I'LL GET IT MYSELF.
328
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,006
WE WOULDN'T
HAVE TO DO THIS
329
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,209
IF YOU COULD JUST
GET ME CABLE.
330
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,112
THANKS, LILY.
331
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:19,980
HERE'S YOUR MONEY.
332
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,882
WELL, I HOPE YOU GOT
SOMETHING OUT OF IT.
333
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,784
OH, I DID.
334
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,119
HI, MR. FINNERTY.
335
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,221
HEY, BRAD.
BYE, MR. FINNERTY.
336
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,422
BYE, BRAD.
337
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:30,390
Claudia: SEAN?
338
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,191
UH, YEAH, BABE?
339
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:34,327
CAN I GET YOUR OPINION
ON SOMETHING?
340
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,295
UH...
341
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,798
YEAH, SURE.
HOLD ON.
342
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,306
WOW.
343
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,374
YOU LIKE?
344
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,077
HOW DOES
THAT THING STAY ON?
345
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,212
IT'S MADE OF FROSTING.
346
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,214
I GOTTA GO.
347
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,450
[WHISPERS]
Oh, my God.
348
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,486
IT'S FRENCH VANILLA.
349
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,254
OHH!
350
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,394
STUPID, I'M STUPID!
STUPID, STUPID!
351
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,962
I'M STUPID!
352
00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,231
SEAN, COME HERE.
THIS'LL CHEER YOU UP.
WHAT?
353
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,366
I GOT THE BEER TAPS
WORKING AGAIN.
354
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,768
THE OLD ONES?
YEAH, MAN,
355
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,336
GOOD AS NEW. WATCH.
356
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,738
[SPUTTERING]
357
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,178
NO ONE'S GONNA DRINK THAT.
358
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:28,215
WE'LL--WE'LL JUST SAY
IT'S DARK BEER.
359
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,317
WHAT ARE WE GONNA
DO WITH IT?
360
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,985
WE'LL SELL IT
TO KIDS.
361
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:32,886
OH, GOD.
362
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,888
WE'RE NOT--WE'RE NOT
SELLING BEER TO KIDS.
363
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,356
RELAX, I'M JUST
KIDDING. SORT OF.
364
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,558
OH, GOD, YOU KNOW,
I'M SORRY, ED.
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.
365
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,260
YOU KNOW, I COULD'VE
JUST GONE AND TOLD HER,
366
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,063
HEY, YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T GET
THE VASECTOMY, BUT, NO!
367
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,464
YOU KNOW, I HAD
TO BE THE MORON!
368
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,367
I HAD TO GO AND HAVE SEX
WITH MY WIFE!
369
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,136
WHOA...
370
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,038
YEAH.
371
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,505
NO, I MEAN, WHOA.
372
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,107
YEAH, I KNOW.
373
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,443
OHH, I WISH
I STILL SMOKED.
374
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:57,510
YEAH, UH-HUH.
375
00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,313
MMM...
UM...
376
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,248
HEY!
377
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,416
HEY, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
378
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,085
WHY DON'T YOU DO
JUMPING JACKS?
[LAUGHS]
379
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,487
YEAH, OR MAYBE JUMP OFF
THE BUREAU OR SOMETHING?
HUH?
380
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,488
I WANNA SNUGGLE.
WOULDN'T THAT BE FUN?
381
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,423
NO, NO, NO! NO, BABY,
COME ON!
I WANNA SNUGGLE!
382
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,224
COME ON,
IT'LL BE GREAT.
383
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,160
I'LL DO 'EM WITH YOU.
WATCH. WATCH.
384
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,594
JUST WATCH. READY?
385
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,363
1, 2! 1, 2!
386
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,032
3, 4! 1, 2!
387
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,500
YOU KNOW? COME ON!
388
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,170
SO? DID SHE DO
NAKED JUMPING JACKS?
389
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,404
OHH! SHUT UP!
390
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,373
WE COULD BE
PREGNANT AGAIN!
391
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,341
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
392
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:29,542
RED BOOT.
393
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,378
HEY!
OH, HEY, BABY.
394
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,345
HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?
395
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,213
I'M--I'M GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU?
396
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,348
I'M FINE. I NEED YOU
TO PICK SOMETHING UP
397
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:36,850
FOR ME
AT THE DRUG STORE.
398
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:37,417
UH, WHAT?
399
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,451
Henry: HEY, MOM?
UH...
400
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,620
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A CAT AND A RACCOON?
401
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,323
UH, HONEY, MOMMY'S
ON THE PHONE. OK?
402
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,059
THE...
403
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:46,894
LADY ITEMS.
404
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,428
THE LADY ITEMS
THAT I GET EVERY MONTH.
405
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,563
THE LADY ITEMS
YOU GET EVERY MONTH?!
406
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,999
YES.
OH, YES!
407
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,201
OH, YES,
OF COURSE! YEAH.
408
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,368
WHOO!
409
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,169
I APPREC--
410
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:58,071
I APPRECIATE
YOUR ENTHUSIASM.
YEAH!
411
00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,339
YEAH! YEAH!
412
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,908
HOLD ON A SECOND,
THAT'S ME.
413
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,409
UH-HUH.
414
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,043
HELLO?
415
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,878
IS THIS MRS. FINNERTY?
YES?
416
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,546
HI, THIS IS
DR. WEIDLINGER'S OFFICE.
417
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,548
WE'RE JUST CALLING TO
CONFIRM YOUR HUSBAND'S
APPOINTMENT
418
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,450
FOR HIS VASECTOMY
NEXT MONDAY.
419
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,486
[SNORTS] AGAIN?
HOW MANY DOES HE NEED?
[LAUGHS]
420
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,321
[LAUGHS] WELL,
421
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,623
WE'RE WILLING
TO GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY.
422
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:20,360
MAYBE THIS TIME WITH
A GENERAL ANESTHETIC.
423
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,496
HE DIDN'T GO
THROUGH WITH IT?
424
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,999
SO, THAT'S
NEXT MONDAY AT 10:00,
425
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,401
IF YOU COULD PLEASE
BE SURE TO GIVE HIM
THE MESSAGE?
426
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,971
YES, HE'LL
GET THE MESSAGE.
427
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:35,775
HEY!
428
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,044
OH, HEY, BABY.
WHO WAS THAT?
429
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,246
OH, NOBODY. JUST
YOU HURRY HOME, OK?
430
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,047
OK, I'LL
BE THERE SOON.
431
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,582
GREAT. I'LL
BE WAITING.
ALL RIGHT.
432
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,451
UM, MOM, WAS THAT DAD?
433
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,987
YOU HAVE NO FATHER.
434
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:50,490
AND, VOILA,
THE ANSWER IS 8.
435
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:51,491
SURE.
436
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,260
OR 13.
437
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,495
NO, IT'S 8.
438
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,997
[LAUGHS] NO.
439
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,199
BUT IF THESE 2 VARIABLES
CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT,
440
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,367
YOU'RE LEFT WITH 13.
441
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,235
BUT THAT--IT DOESN'T
SOUND RIGHT!
442
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,304
I MEAN, HOW MANY
THINGS ARE 13?
443
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,940
BUT THAT'S
WHAT IT IS! IT'S 13!
444
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,541
OK, FINE. YOU KNOW,
LET'S JUST--
445
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:09,609
LET'S SPLIT
THE DIFFERENCE
446
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,144
AND CALL IT 11.
HAPPY?
447
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:12,612
NO, LILY,
I'M NOT HAPPY,
448
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,714
BECAUSE THAT'S NOT
THE RIGHT ANSWER EITHER!
449
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,516
BRAD, MATH
IS SUBJECTIVE!
450
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,451
IT'S NOT ALWAYS JUST
BLACK AND WHITE!
451
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,587
BUT IT IS
BLACK AND WHITE!
452
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,589
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT'S
SO GREAT ABOUT MATH!
453
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,624
THERE ARE RIGHT ANSWERS
AND WRONG ANSWERS,
454
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,259
AND YOUR ANSWER
IS WRONG!
455
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,460
INDISPUTABLY WRONG!
456
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,295
WELL,
IF YOU'RE SO SMART,
457
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,230
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
JOIN THE MATH CLUB?
458
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,632
I'M THE PRESIDENT
OF THE MATH CLUB!
459
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:36,503
WELL, THEN, WHAT
ARE YOU PAYING ME FOR?!
460
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,007
OH...
461
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:40,773
OH, HO...
462
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:44,277
I THINK YOU'D
BETTER LEAVE, BRAD.
463
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,547
HERE'S YOUR MONEY.
464
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,717
I'LL LEAVE IT
ON THE DRESSER.
MM-HMM.
465
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:55,655
[DOOR SHUTS]
466
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:59,226
OH, MY GOD.
I'M A MATH HO!
467
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,331
YOU KNOW,
WHY IS SHE SO MAD?
468
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,632
SHE KNOWS I'M RIGHT.
469
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:10,237
LISTEN, IT'S NOT ABOUT
WHO'S WRONG AND WHO'S RIGHT.
470
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,372
WOMEN WANT TO KNOW
THEIR MAN LISTENS TO THEM
471
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:15,708
AND TAKES THEIR PROBLEMS
SERIOUSLY.
472
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:21,648
WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT,
MAN, COSMO?
473
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,085
I JUST KNOW IT, OK?!
474
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,020
HI, MR. FINNERTY.
475
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:28,088
HI, BRAD.
476
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,222
BYE, MR. FINNERTY.
477
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,123
BYE, BRAD.
478
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:30,823
HI, MR. FINNER--
479
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,293
I'M NOT GONNA
PLAY THAT, MAN.
480
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,362
HEY, JIMMY,
WHERE'S YOUR MOM?
481
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,429
OH, I THINK SHE'S
IN THE KITCHEN,
482
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:39,166
BUT I THINK YOU MIGHT
WANT TO GIVE HER
SOME SPACE.
483
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,434
SHE'S DOING A LITTLE
EMOTIONAL HOUSEKEEPING.
484
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:46,739
OK. I'M GONNA GET YOU
A SUBSCRIPTION TO
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.
485
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:51,311
HEY, DID YOU TAKE
THAT INTIMACY QUIZ
LAST MONTH?
486
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,681
YEAH. I'M A CUDDLER.
487
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:57,617
YEAH?
I'M A PARTY GIRL.
488
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:00,587
HI.
489
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:01,654
HI, BABY.
490
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,357
SO I GOT YOU
YOUR LADY ITEMS
491
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,394
AND THOSE CHOCOLATE SQUARES
I KNOW YOU LIKE SO MUCH
492
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,629
AND SOME FLIP-FLOPS.
493
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,499
THAT IS SO SWEET...
494
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,601
ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT
I PUT YOU THROUGH.
495
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,636
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
496
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:17,437
LAST NIGHT.
497
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,706
I KNEW YOUR INCISION
WAS STILL TENDER
498
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,109
AND I JUST
FORCED MYSELF ON YOU.
499
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,143
IT WAS VERY SELFISH.
500
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,677
NO, BABY, IT'S OK.
BELIEVE ME, IT'S--
501
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:25,745
NO, IT'S REALLY NOT.
502
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,081
I MEAN,
I COULD'VE INFLAMED IT.
503
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,616
LET ME ICE IT DOWN
FOR YOU.
504
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,618
OH, NO, THAT'S
NOT NECESSARY.
NO, NO, THAT'S--
505
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,686
NO, I REALLY WANT TO!
506
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,554
AAH!
507
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,722
OH, GOD, THAT'S COLD.
508
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,525
AAH! OH!
SO YOU KNOW.
509
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,759
YEAH.
YOUR DOCTOR CALLED.
510
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:43,363
OH, BABY, I'M SORRY.
I AM SO SORRY.
511
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,097
UH...
512
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,698
GET YOUR HAND
OUTTA YOUR PANTS!
513
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,668
OK, LOOK!
514
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,670
I THOUGHT THERE WAS
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH ME, OK?
515
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,205
I THOUGHT THERE WAS
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH US.
516
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:56,709
LOOK, I KNEW I COULDN'T
TELL YOU BECAUSE I KNEW
THAT YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
517
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,145
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW HARD IT IS, YOU KNOW,
518
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,413
SLAMMIN' THE DOOR
ON YOUR MANHOOD.
519
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,215
OH, DON'T BE SO DRAMATIC.
520
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,250
CAN I GO CHANGE MY PANTS?
521
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,418
NO! YOU KNOW WHAT?
GET USED TO KEEPING
IT ON ICE,
522
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,620
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO BE NEEDING IT
ANY TIME SOON.
523
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:08,755
OH. OH, I GET IT.
524
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:12,225
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO MAD.
'CAUSE YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD.
525
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:17,797
I RESCHEDULED YOUR SURGERY
FOR MONDAY AT 10 A.M.
526
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,798
NO!
527
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:19,632
YES!
528
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:20,700
OH, COME, BABY.
529
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,768
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE
HOLDS. THINK ABOUT IT.
530
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,804
WHAT IF I, YOU KNOW,
SOME DAY MIGHT NEED
MY TROOPS?
531
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,375
OK. YOU PLANNING
ON LEAVING ME
FOR ANOTHER WOMAN
532
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,642
AND STARTING
A WHOLE NEW FAMILY?
533
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:32,379
NO, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE
TO KNOW I COULD.
534
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:33,045
HEY!
535
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,514
OK! NO.
THAT CAME OUT WRONG.
536
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:38,251
OK? WHAT IF ALIENS
INVADED THE EARTH, OK,
537
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,620
AND I HAD TO REPOPULATE IT?
538
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:46,726
I AM THRILLED TO KNOW
THAT YOU ARE WILLING
TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE
539
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,295
WITH YOUR SPERM,
540
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,662
BUT COME ON.
541
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:52,432
WE'RE DONE, BABE.
WE ALREADY HAVE 3
542
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,601
WONDERFUL,
REALLY SMART KIDS.
543
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,369
HEY, DAD, LOOK.
544
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:57,804
IT'S EITHER A CAT
OR A RACCOON.
545
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,207
HENRY, GET THAT THING
OUT OF THE HOUSE.
546
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,874
OH!
547
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:08,448
HONEY, WE HAVE ENOUGH
ON OUR PLATE, OK?
548
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,849
WE GOT TO DO THIS.
549
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,918
Henry: OW! BAD KITTY!
550
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,555
SEE THERE, BABE?
THAT SHAVE WASN'T
SO BAD.
551
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,691
NO, YOU WERE REALLY SWEET.
THANK YOU.
552
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,693
WELL, HELLO AGAIN,
MR. FINNERTY.
553
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:21,761
HEY, DOC, LISTEN.
554
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:22,795
BEFORE WE START,
555
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,731
I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE
FOR ALL THAT CANADA STUFF.
556
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,434
AW, THAT'S OK.
YOU WERE UNDER SOME STRESS
557
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,868
AND CLEARLY, YOU'RE
A BIT OF A COWARD.
558
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:32,439
HA HA HA. DOCTOR,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
WALK HIM THROUGH IT
559
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,475
SO HE REALIZES
THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE AFRAID OF?
560
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,409
OH, IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
561
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:39,812
A LITTLE ANESTHESIA,
I MAKE 2 TINY INCISIONS,
562
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:43,483
CLIP EACH OF
THE VAS DEFER IN HALF,
563
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,785
THEN CAURTERIZE THE ENDS.
564
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:48,355
IT'S QUICK
AND IT'S PERMANENT.
565
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,323
SNIP, SNIP. BYE-BYE.
566
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,190
EXACTLY, AND YOU'RE DONE.
567
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:54,561
YOUR CHILD-BEARING YEARS
ARE BEHIND YOU.
568
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:55,728
WOW!
569
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:56,296
HA.
570
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:58,631
I GUESS
THEY ARE, HUH?
571
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:00,900
Doctor: ABSOLUTELY. YOU CAN
MOVE ON TO OTHER THINGS.
572
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,702
HEY, YOU GUYS PLAY GOLF?
573
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,437
NO. NO.
NO.
574
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:05,505
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT!
575
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,373
ALL RIGHT. LET'S JUST
576
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,608
GET JUST HIS THING
OVER WITH, ALL RIGHT?
577
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,276
OK, HERE WE GO!
578
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:10,710
NO, NO, NO, NO!
WAIT, WAIT.
579
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:11,744
JUST WAIT, OK?
580
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:12,645
OH, NOW WHAT?
581
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,614
I'M NOT READY
TO PLAY GOLF!
582
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,249
I--I--I...
583
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:19,919
I LIKE MY CHILD-BEARING
YEARS, AND I REALLY HAVE
584
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,521
A LOT OF THEM LEFT.
585
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,889
HONEY, THINGS CHANGE,
YOU KNOW?
586
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:23,623
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
587
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:26,459
MY GOD, HE'S ALREADY
BEEN SHAVED!
588
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:28,995
OH, SHUT UP,
YOU CANUCK BASTARD!
589
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,563
COME ON.
WE'RE OUTTA HERE.
590
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:31,130
OH, YEAH.
591
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:31,998
YEAH. PUT YOUR PANTS ON.
592
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,033
COME ON. WE'RE GONNA
GO BUY SOME RUBBERS.
593
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,802
ALL RIGHT!
594
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,038
SO, WHAT, ARE YOU
AND CLAUDIA COOL?
595
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:42,509
YEAH. YEAH, WE'RE GREAT.
THANKS. YEAH.
596
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,976
AND, HEY, UH, EDDY,
597
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:48,515
LOOK, I'M SORRY I WIGGED OUT
ON YOU OVER THAT WHOLE
WEBSITE THING, YOU KNOW?
598
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,917
NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO BIG DEAL.
NO BIG DEAL.
599
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:51,784
YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU SHOULD DO FOR HER?
600
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:53,986
YOU SHOULD CLOSE
THE PLACE EARLY TONIGHT,
601
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,021
YOU KNOW?
JUST COME HERE,
602
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,490
HAVE A NICE LITTLE
ROMANTIC INTERLUDE,
YOU KNOW?
603
00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:58,525
JUST THE 2 OF YOU.
604
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:00,360
THAT WOULD BE COOL, YEAH.
605
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:01,394
YOU KNOW, SPARKS START
TO FLY,
606
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,330
YOU MIGHT END UP
DOING IT RIGHT HERE
ON THE BAR.
607
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:04,697
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
608
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:06,933
GREAT, YOU COME HERE,
JUST DO IT RIGHT
HERE ON THE BAR,
609
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,669
RIGHT BETWEEN THESE
2 PIECES OF TAPE.
610
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,338
WHAT IS THAT?
611
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,071
I DON'T KNOW.
612
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,272
IS THAT A WEBCAM?
613
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:18,978
LOOK, DO YOU WANT
THE RED-BOOT-PUB.COM
TO BE A HIT OR NOT?
614
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:22,782
WHY'D YOU SEND ME THIS BILL?
615
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:23,616
I DIDN'T GET
THE OPERATION, REMEMBER?
616
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:24,984
I REMEMBER. YOU DIDN'T
GET IT 3 TIMES.
617
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:25,718
YEAH. I CHANGED MY MIND.
618
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:27,454
I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU
A VASECTOMY
619
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:28,655
IF YOU WERE
THE LAST MAN ON EARTH.
620
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,122
IF I WAS THE LAST MAN
ON EARTH,
621
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:31,758
I WOULDN'T NEED A VASECTOMY
AND YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE
TO GIVE IT TO ME! HA!
622
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,994
YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU WIN.
YOU CAN PAY ME ANYWAY.
623
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:36,663
FOR WHAT?
SERVICES RENDERED.
624
00:21:36,696 --> 00:21:38,565
THERE WERE
NO SERVICES RENDERED.
625
00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:39,499
AH, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
626
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:43,603
OH, THE SHAVE?
WHAT 750 BUCKS FOR THE SHAVE?
627
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,738
IT'S A UNION JOB.
628
00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:48,508
HE ENJOYED IT.
42757
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