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1
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,312
Moron!
2
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,239
What are these?
3
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,272
Stop the presses!
4
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,405
Stop the presses!
5
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,375
Martin! Stan Martin!
Where are you?
6
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,388
-Yes, Sir, Mr. Perkins.
-What's this?
7
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,481
A banana.
8
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,315
I know it's a banana,
what's this?
9
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:15,327
-Those wouId be bruises, Sir.
-Bruises?
10
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,263
Yeah, I thought it might appear
more reaIistic...
11
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,254
if the fruit had bruises on them.
12
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:22,331
Come here, Stan.
13
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,337
AIright, where is it?
14
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:33,279
-AIright, what's this?
-That's my bruised banana.
15
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,305
No!
That's my bruised banana.
16
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:41,215
I came up with the whoIe concept
back in 1997.
17
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,450
You see, the whoIe idea was to aIternate
your fruit incrementaIIy...
18
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:50,360
from fresh, to right, to rotten.
19
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:54,331
Giving the customer
the totaI wax fruit experience.
20
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,424
Wow!
21
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:57,298
That's briIIiant.
22
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,504
Thanks.
23
00:03:58,504 --> 00:04:02,275
-Why didn't you go ahead with it?
-FeIdman shot it down.
24
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,477
He said, "You know,
in forty five years...
25
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:08,208
we never had a FeIdman banana
with a bruise on it."
26
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,279
So if it ain't broke...
27
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,374
Henry!
28
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,183
-Now?
-Right now.
29
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,448
-Okay. AIright.
-You're aIready Iate.
30
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,284
AIright, I'm going.
31
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:27,267
Trust is the key
to every great reIationship.
32
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,461
Even the tragic ones.
33
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,499
There was "trust"
when Eve gave Adam that appIe.
34
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,297
When DeIiIah cut Samson's hair.
35
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:37,410
There was even "trust" when Ross
screwed around on RacheI...
36
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,435
when he thought they were
on "a break".
37
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:43,281
But what these coupIes
didn't do is...
38
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,476
-"communicate".
-You're Iate.
39
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,387
We had a rush order
on kumquats.
40
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:50,254
I tried that, aIright, but it just
bIows up in my face, you know.
41
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:53,258
And she's aII mad because
I'm checking out some websites.
42
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:56,385
-What kind of websites?
-Smokinghotchicks.com.
43
00:04:58,264 --> 00:05:00,323
-My God.
-Let's put a pin in here.
44
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,425
WeIcome, Henry.
45
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,328
Now, in our Iast session...
46
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:09,171
CaroI was concern that Henry is
"a creature of habit."
47
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,443
-Yes.
-Look, Mr. Rogers...
48
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:13,173
-Doctor Rogers.
-Whatever.
49
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,271
Can we go on to someone eIse
first, pIease?
50
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:17,475
You see, Henry's hidden seIf
is his true seIf...
51
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,208
which is true
for aII of ourseIves.
52
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:24,357
But we see his faIse seIf,
which manifests itseIf...
53
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:28,225
in his rituaIistic,
routine, compuIsive behavior.
54
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,454
Yes, that's true.
55
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:31,491
Henry never takes any chances.
56
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,500
There's no spontaneity
in our Iives.
57
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,469
-No "joi du vivre."
-Jua-da-what?
58
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,396
Let's see.
59
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,201
It's BumbIe Bee Tuna
everyday for Iunch.
60
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:44,242
6:30, MiIIer Lite time.
61
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,244
8:00, Nick at Nite for dinner.
62
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,315
And the best of Tom Jones CD
before bed.
63
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:51,451
-Tom Jones?
-It's Iike Iiving with Rain Man.
64
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,316
Yeah, I know what you mean.
65
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,444
-WeII, today's his birthday.
-Happy Birthday.
66
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,318
And you know what he wants?
67
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:02,225
The exact same
brown Iamb's skin briefcase.
68
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:08,292
I don't know, perhaps you rather discuss
CaroI's coIIection of phaIIics?
69
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,393
PhaIIics?
70
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:14,273
They're not phaIIics,
they're nudes!
71
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:16,366
Whatever you caII them,
they're just a bunch of shIongs!
72
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,341
Do you use Iive modeIs?
73
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:21,247
CaroI's been painting and scuIpturing
naked peopIe forever...
74
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:22,348
but she never shows them
to anybody.
75
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:26,375
WeII, someone pIease teII him
that takes years to be discovered!
76
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:29,216
Because if you ever need
a voIunteer...
77
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,378
What?
78
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,394
She's a fine artist.
79
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,383
Thank you.
80
00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:37,463
Lord knows, I mean,
every Friday...
81
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,455
she drags her portfoIio down
to the art gaIIeries...
82
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:44,234
but never steps inside.
83
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,237
I have probIems...
84
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,441
deaIing with rejection.
85
00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:50,341
PIease, don't cry.
86
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,275
She cries at the drop of a hat.
87
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,480
ObviousIy,
CaroI's hidden seIf...
88
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:59,417
is afraid to express her personaI,
exhibitionist wishes.
89
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:03,423
You see, everything we do
is a window into our subconscious.
90
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,259
Now pay attention,
because there wiII come a time...
91
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,386
where you wiII be abIe
to Iook into that window...
92
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:11,431
and see who you are and why...
93
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:16,302
and in that
"transformative moment"...
94
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:18,293
your Iife wiII become cIear.
95
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:22,341
I want you aII to read my new book.
It's onIy US$29,95...
96
00:07:22,341 --> 00:07:24,206
and it's signed.
97
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:32,275
"The Transformative Moment".
It'II swag the bookstores.
98
00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:37,449
Henry, hey!
Hi, birthday boy.
99
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:38,455
Hey, Vic.
100
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:42,227
CaroI says I'm too predictabIe,
which is a croak...
101
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,229
but since you know me
Ionger than anybody...
102
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:46,455
-I vaIue your opinion the most.
-Okay.
103
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,268
Quit tapping the penciI,
okay, Ringo.
104
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,237
And then wipe the white powder
off your Iips...
105
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,295
from your daily doughnut fix...
106
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:54,498
before someone thinks
you've been bIowing a kabuki.
107
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:58,300
-I knew I couId count on you, Vic.
-Hey, waiter, where's my espresso?
108
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,346
Hey, Henry, I gotta go.
Good you caII.
109
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:01,335
See you tonight!
110
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,283
Thank you. Your check.
111
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:07,186
Okay, that's 1200.
112
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,421
-What?
-Guavas.
113
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,445
-The good ones.
-Coming through.
114
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,229
Mr. FeIdman?
115
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:20,199
And I want those reports on my desk
in 24 hours! You got that?
116
00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:22,268
-Now run aIong!
-Right away, Sir.
117
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:23,436
-Henry!
-Yes.
118
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,427
-I want to taIk to you!
-Yes, Sir.
119
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:30,172
Are you responsibIe
for the bruises on these bananas?
120
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,438
No, Sir.
That's Martin's...
121
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,174
Stan Martin. Yes.
122
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:38,217
-In fact, I was just going to...
-WeII, commend that son of a bitch.
123
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:41,277
The best god damn idea
I've seen in twenty two years.
124
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,320
-Now you Iike it?
-You bet your ass!
125
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:47,256
Change the whoIe Iine.
And bump it up another 300 gross.
126
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:51,230
You know, since my Zoe died,
I'm wearing nothing but costume made.
127
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:52,498
That's what this is aII about.
Change.
128
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:54,433
That's what keeps
the spirit going...
129
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:57,425
that's what keeps
your "schvantz" growing.
130
00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:00,301
Not to mention
a IittIe heIp from...
131
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,366
the bIue boys.
132
00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:05,378
You gotta try some, Henry? They'II turn
your dick into the Terminator.
133
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,281
WeII, that sounds very tempting, Sir,
but, no, thank you.
134
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,349
-And give that guy...
-Martin?
135
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:13,352
Martin! Yeah. Give him a raise,
but not too much!
136
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,217
-Yes, Sir.
-AIright, baby!
137
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:18,391
-Coming through, Mr. FeIdman.
-Right! "Viva Ia vida!"
138
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,260
I'd Iike to remind you,
in 1997...
139
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,249
Fuck it.
140
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,164
Taxi!
141
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:34,206
-I'm so sorry.
-My Gosh! No, it's my fauIt...
142
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,401
-No, no.
-PIease, forgive me.
143
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,411
You know, my husband
has this same briefcase.
144
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,403
-I just bought from on saIe....
-SaIe at Saks! I know.
145
00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:44,375
It's kind of mascuIine,
but I think it's sexy.
146
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,318
Here you go.
147
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,284
Interesting.
148
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:52,381
Oh my God,
you're Madame Virginia.
149
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,222
Very nice.
150
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,386
These are exceIIent.
Is this you?
151
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,226
No!
152
00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:05,436
WeII, I'm the artist, so,
artisticaIIy speaking, they're "me."
153
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,308
Why? Do you Iike them?
154
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:34,298
HoId on, right?
155
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,234
FoIks, keep moving.
156
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,307
Clear the doors.
157
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:45,343
21st. Street.
Next stop, 21st. Street.
158
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,317
I'm sorry.
159
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,288
Excuse me. I don't know.
160
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,435
Henry!
161
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,209
Henry!
162
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,348
Come to Paradise, Henry!
163
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,423
"Transformative moment",
your Iife wiII become cIear.
164
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,391
"Transformative moment".
165
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,293
"Transformative moment".
166
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:35,428
Your life will become clear.
167
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,329
"Transformative moment".
168
00:11:37,329 --> 00:11:39,229
-"Transformative moment".
-"Transformative moment".
169
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:42,435
-"Transformative moment".
-"Transformative moment".
170
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,271
-Your life will become clear.
-"Transformative moment".
171
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:48,240
Clear. Clear.
CIear.
172
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:54,245
-Excuse me. Thank you.
-Here, why don't you sit down?
173
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:56,406
Thank you, Sir.
174
00:11:57,283 --> 00:12:00,275
-Can you take this for me, thank you.
-Here you go.
175
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:02,283
Hey, watch it!
176
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,446
-I'm sorry.
-What's the matter with you?
177
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:06,325
-I didn't mean it.
-I'm sorry. Sorry.
178
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:07,393
-AIright. Are you aIright?
-Yes.
179
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:11,329
-Good.
-Have a nice day.
180
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:40,255
-Keep the change. Thank you.
-Thanks for the tip, Iady.
181
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:45,420
HeIIo?
182
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:49,457
Yes, Mr. Wong.
Of course, we're stiII on. Yeah.
183
00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:52,463
Okay. Thank you.
184
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:57,364
You know, just don't come before
8:30 or you'II spoiI the surprise party.
185
00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,379
Yeah, I'm going to Ieave
the front door open for the guests...
186
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:05,282
but I'd Iike you to come in
through the back door, okay?
187
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:08,287
Yeah.
No, I'm Iooking forward to it.
188
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,346
Yes, I know your food
is deIicious.
189
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:43,445
Through here.
190
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,354
And the second one
right to the back of the TV. Right.
191
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:48,293
AIright, come on.
192
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:51,295
Push the furniture back.
First, Iet's get the other one.
193
00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,366
-How you doing, Henry?
-The usuaI, Tony.
194
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:01,462
-One Bud Lite coming up.
-Wait a minute. Make it a Tuborg.
195
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:03,333
Creature of habit my ass.
196
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,434
Tuborg?
197
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,405
-Tuborg it is.
-I never Iock my briefcase.
198
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:37,334
Honey, where have you been?
199
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,379
You were supposed to be home
over an hour ago.
200
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,370
I mean, Vic and Gina
wiII be here any minute.
201
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:47,282
For your birthday dinner!
202
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:49,386
I mean, at Ieast
you couId have caIIed.
203
00:14:49,488 --> 00:14:51,422
What, did you miss the train?
204
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,419
Say something!
205
00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:58,263
YeIIow pages.
206
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,332
YeIIow pages? Why do you want
the YeIIow Pages?
207
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:04,199
-Were you in an accident?
-Let's see, traveI agents.
208
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:07,303
No. They'd be cIosed by now.
209
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,409
-The airIines!
-The airIines?
210
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:14,368
What do you want the airIines for?
When you know Vic and Gina are coming?
211
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,217
HeIIo? DeIta?
I knew it.
212
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,412
-I'd Iike to get two tickets pIease.
-Tickets?
213
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:23,322
-For tonight.
-What?
214
00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:25,222
Anywhere in Europe.
Anywhere that's a hub.
215
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,260
London, Paris, Baghdad...
216
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:31,192
Strike that.
CaIcutta?
217
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,232
-Don't we need shots for that?
-What's the matter with you?
218
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:35,462
-Are you on something?
-What's the departure time?
219
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:36,763
Hang on.
220
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,793
How Iong is it going to take to get
to Newark Airport from here?
221
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:40,330
-You've been drinking!
-By taxi?
222
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:42,306
No, I can smeII it
on your breath!
223
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,273
Don't hang up.
224
00:15:45,377 --> 00:15:47,436
-Hang up the phone!
-Don't hang up!
225
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:52,316
Eight o'cIock, taxi, eight thirty,
Newark, check in, security.
226
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:55,251
-I'd say by ten.
-I'm going to start getting angry...
227
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,448
-very, very soon!
-HoId on one second.
228
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:00,218
Don't hang up.
CaroI, go pack.
229
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,223
Trust me.
230
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,158
Is this a joke?
231
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:05,389
Because if it's, it isn't funny.
232
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,228
Just pack one suitcase!
A smaII one.
233
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:11,303
Yeah, we'd Iike to make that
first cIass.
234
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:16,272
Just a change of underpants and we'II
buy everything eIse when we get there.
235
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,367
-Get where?
-BarceIona?
236
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:19,411
ExceIIent!
237
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:23,482
-2200 hours. 2215 hours.
-Henry?
238
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:27,350
Excuse me, what's that
in reaI peopIe time, you know?
239
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:32,186
-Ten fifteen p.m., exceIIent!
-PIease, Henry, you're scaring me!
240
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:33,417
It's Perkins.
241
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:35,361
What?
242
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,420
No, one way onIy.
We're not coming back.
243
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,468
CaroI, pIease, sweet,
I promise I'II teII you everything.
244
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,299
I'II expIain it aII.
245
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:47,439
HeIIo, Hoboken Cab?
Yes.
246
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:50,431
I need a car right away
to take two of us to Newark Airport.
247
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:54,309
Fifteen minutes, exceIIent!
Perkins, Forty Sinatra Drive.
248
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,311
Great, thanks.
249
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:59,416
-Henry!
-CaroI! CaroI, just Iisten.
250
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:03,319
No, you Iisten! You've been drinking
and it's affected your brain.
251
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:06,324
-Nothing's affected my brain.
-Booking one way tickets to BarceIona...
252
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:09,327
when we have dinner guests coming,
that's normaI?
253
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:13,262
You know what? I think this is what
Doctor Rogers warned us about.
254
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:15,323
A mid-Iife crisis.
255
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,459
You think your Iife
is going nowhere.
256
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:21,331
It's probabIy not serious,
just a temporary breakdown.
257
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:24,340
I don't think it's a bIood cIot.
258
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:31,283
-What's that?
-What does it Iook Iike? It's money.
259
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:34,446
-What is it?
-It's five miIIion doIIars.
260
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,279
In cash and bearer bonds.
261
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:40,292
-But what is it?
-It's money, honey!
262
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:43,261
MooIa!
Our ship has come in, honey!
263
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,388
We just have hit
the DonaId "Freaking" Trump jackpot.
264
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:48,329
"He's fired."
265
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,394
Passports!
266
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:56,237
-How did this get into your briefcase?
-It's not my briefcase.
267
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,433
What do you mean?
268
00:17:57,509 --> 00:17:59,478
Look, I was coming home on the train
Iike I aIways do.
269
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:04,381
And somehow I ended up with some guy's
briefcase that's exactIy Iike mine.
270
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:09,251
-Why didn't you give it back to him?
-To who?
271
00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:12,415
I didn't know it wasn't my briefcase
untiI I saw the five miIIion.
272
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,352
How do you know
the exact amount?
273
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,429
-I counted it.
-On the subway?
274
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:20,290
No, on the toiIet
at Barney's Tavern.
275
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,290
I knew you were drinking!
276
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:26,235
lt's my "transformative moment."
as Mr. Rogers said.
277
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,373
Oh my God!
278
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,300
l don't believe it!
279
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:32,273
You okay, man?
280
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,180
Yes.
281
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:37,338
There I am, there it was.
282
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:42,251
-But it's not our money.
-It is now, go and pack.
283
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:43,449
Come on!
284
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,383
-It's steaIing!
-Oh no!
285
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,261
I've give it
a Iot of thought, CaroI.
286
00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:52,262
I figure the money's aIready
been stoIen.
287
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:55,333
AII unmarked biIIs,
bundIed up in rubber bands.
288
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:58,335
ProbabIy a payoff
to some drug deaIer or something.
289
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:01,167
And I don't think anybody is thinking
about paying taxes on it.
290
00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:03,332
Therefore,
the money doesn't exist.
291
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:06,172
And if it doesn't exist,
what did I steaI!
292
00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:07,335
Nothing!
293
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:08,310
Nada!
294
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:09,404
Zouch!
295
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:11,182
Zero!
296
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,283
Doughnut.
297
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,406
But, Henry.
298
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:15,418
This is insane!
299
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,285
My conscience is cIear, CaroI!
300
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:25,387
You know what? I've worked very hard
for more than twenty years.
301
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:28,297
I've devoted my Iife
to the artificiaI fruit business...
302
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,237
and at Iong Iast I've finaIIy got
my goIden appIe...
303
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:35,229
and you know something?
It's not wax!
304
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,307
It's reaI.
305
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:38,210
-Okay?
-WeII, wait.
306
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:41,246
We can't just fIy to BarceIona
at a moments notice.
307
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:42,213
Why not?
308
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:45,283
You want to go somepIace eIse?
How about BaIi?
309
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,475
HeII, honey, we can buy BaIi!
310
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:51,222
-What about our famiIy?
-What famiIy?
311
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:53,447
I mean, no kids.
312
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:55,351
You're an orphan.
313
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,223
And my foIks are dead.
314
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,389
No, they're not.
They're retired in FIorida.
315
00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:02,262
-Same thing.
-WeII, and what about the poIice?
316
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:06,271
The poIice wiII never
get invoIved in this...
317
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:09,240
because nobody wiII ever report
this money missing.
318
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:12,436
WeII, there's another reason
that I need to stay here tonight.
319
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:17,246
And that is that I finaIIy showed
my artwork today to someone...
320
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,350
-and...
-No!
321
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:22,419
Are you nuts?
We can't even stay on the country.
322
00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:24,489
I go to the office tomorrow,
I'm a dead man.
323
00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:29,294
-Did you insuIt Mr. FeIdman again?
-Not Mr. FeIdman.
324
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:31,463
Mr. Nasty!
I have his briefcase.
325
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:35,334
If I have his briefcase, he has mine.
It's got aII my stuff in it.
326
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:38,360
Tomorrow he wiII come to the office
Iooking for me and his briefcase.
327
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:41,506
But, by then,
we'II be thousands of miIes away...
328
00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:46,239
booked in some Spanish hoteI
as Mr. and Mrs. Cha, cha, cha.
329
00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:48,344
"OIé!"
330
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:58,506
What are you guys doing
down there?
331
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:02,214
-Get out of there!
-I'm caIIing the cops.
332
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:09,258
lt's not unusual to be rich
Like no one eIse
333
00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:13,226
Henry, I've never seen you
Iike this before.
334
00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:15,391
That's because I've never feIt
Iike this before.
335
00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:19,234
How about a quickie?
Come on, I do aII the work.
336
00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:20,430
Henry, this isn't the time!
337
00:22:21,473 --> 00:22:24,237
You're right. You're right.
The cab wiII be here any second.
338
00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:25,398
I got an idea.
339
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:29,281
We can do it in the taxi
on the way to the airport.
340
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:32,250
But, Henry, something wonderfuI
happened to me today.
341
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,285
I'II say, we're rich!
342
00:22:34,486 --> 00:22:37,353
-Oh, God!
-That'II be Vic and Gina.
343
00:22:37,456 --> 00:22:39,321
You Iose them,
I'II continue packing.
344
00:22:40,425 --> 00:22:43,292
What wiII I teII them? They think
they're coming for pot roast.
345
00:22:44,396 --> 00:22:46,330
I got it.
Here.
346
00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:50,333
TeII them to go to the Rainbow Room.
It's on me!
347
00:22:51,269 --> 00:22:53,260
I can't beIieve this.
348
00:23:01,346 --> 00:23:03,405
Sorry it took me so Iong, I...
349
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:06,451
I thought you were...
I was expecting someone eIse.
350
00:23:06,451 --> 00:23:08,419
Detective Sergeant Genero.
351
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:10,415
Hoboken PoIice.
352
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,458
Is there a probIem, officer?
353
00:23:15,527 --> 00:23:19,190
It's better I speak with the guy
who just came in here, Ms...
354
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,491
-Mrs. Perkins...
-Yeah.
355
00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:27,328
My husband's upstairs at the moment,
but he'II be down shortIy.
356
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,416
-WouId you Iike a nut?
-No.
357
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:45,481
God, I'm so sorry.
They're honey gIazed.
358
00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:47,484
So they're a IittIe sticky.
359
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,454
There's one on your...
360
00:23:52,297 --> 00:23:55,289
I'm sorry for that. Henry!
That's my husband, Henry.
361
00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:59,428
And those are probabIy
our friends Vic and Gina.
362
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:03,207
So, pIease, pIease,
wouId you pIease sit down?
363
00:24:04,342 --> 00:24:05,400
Or don't.
364
00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:08,404
Henry!
365
00:24:10,248 --> 00:24:13,217
We're having dinner
here tonight.
366
00:24:14,252 --> 00:24:16,379
Me and Henry.
Vic and Gina.
367
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,355
-It's his birthday.
-That's good.
368
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,187
-It's Henry's birthday, not Vic's.
-Lady, the door.
369
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:22,283
Sure.
370
00:24:23,228 --> 00:24:25,230
I'm sure he'II be down
just momentariIy...
371
00:24:25,230 --> 00:24:27,289
because he's changing
in his birthday suit.
372
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:31,233
Gosh, he doesn't have
any cIothes on.
373
00:24:32,337 --> 00:24:34,305
Hey, are you peopIe deaf or what?
374
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,475
-What?
-You don't turn it up to nine, Iady.
375
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:37,409
I thought you were...
376
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:40,312
You thought I'II be here
in fifteen minutes but I made it in ten.
377
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,337
Just remember that when it's time
to tip the brother, aIright?
378
00:24:42,414 --> 00:24:43,381
Excuse me?
379
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:47,252
-I am your cab driver.
-Right, the taxi cab.
380
00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:49,413
You know, actuaIIy
I'm stand up comic, you know.
381
00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:52,390
-By now I'm doing a sit down.
-How nice.
382
00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:54,415
That's right,
I'II be a huge star, Iady.
383
00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:56,485
-Where are your bags?
-Bags?
384
00:24:57,295 --> 00:25:00,287
Yeah, bags, Iady,
and I'm not taIking paper or pIastic.
385
00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:04,259
Hey, that's funny.
That kiIIs at the Safeway.
386
00:25:05,203 --> 00:25:08,229
Okay, where's your Iuggage
to airport?
387
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,468
The cab's not for me.
It's for my...
388
00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:13,411
my sister.
389
00:25:13,411 --> 00:25:17,245
Yeah, yes, she's staying with us,
but she'II be Ieaving tonight.
390
00:25:17,315 --> 00:25:20,284
Wait, wait, wait,
the pick up here says, "Mr. Perkins".
391
00:25:20,385 --> 00:25:23,411
No, no, no,
Mr. Perkins isn't going anywhere.
392
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:26,258
He just made the booking.
393
00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:29,494
-He has no reason to Ieave.
-AIright.
394
00:25:29,494 --> 00:25:32,395
Listen,
why don't you wait in the taxi...
395
00:25:32,464 --> 00:25:35,262
-AngeI.
-AngeI, beautifuI name.
396
00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:39,304
My husband wiII down in a jumpy.
My sister isn't quite ready yet.
397
00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:40,505
Where are they fIying to?
What terminaI?
398
00:25:40,505 --> 00:25:42,200
I'm sorry?
399
00:25:42,307 --> 00:25:44,468
Your sister.
What's her destination?
400
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,244
AustraIia.
401
00:25:51,349 --> 00:25:56,343
Yes, yes, she's been here visiting us
and now she'II be returning...
402
00:25:56,454 --> 00:25:58,423
to Sydney.
403
00:25:58,423 --> 00:26:00,391
-Good. Down under?
-That's right.
404
00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:02,426
Look, you teII
Mr. and Mrs. CrocodiIe Dundee...
405
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:06,197
-There's a Mr. and Mrs.?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
406
00:26:06,298 --> 00:26:09,199
The pick up says two peopIe.
407
00:26:09,301 --> 00:26:14,329
Of course, because that's my sister,
LesIie, and her husband...
408
00:26:16,274 --> 00:26:17,298
Chris.
409
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:18,467
Chris!
410
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:20,211
-Yes!
-Great.
411
00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:22,202
I'II be parked around the corner.
412
00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:26,273
Okay, aIright, see you.
In just... when my sister...
413
00:26:28,453 --> 00:26:33,288
Okay, aII packed! Just underpants,
deodorant and toothpaste.
414
00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:34,382
-Honey?
-Yeah.
415
00:26:34,492 --> 00:26:35,481
We have a visitor.
416
00:26:36,494 --> 00:26:37,426
A visitor?
417
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:39,292
Oh, great, the cabbie!
418
00:26:39,364 --> 00:26:42,458
-Detective Sergeant Genero.
-ReaIIy?
419
00:26:43,368 --> 00:26:45,359
What's seems to be
the probIem, detective?
420
00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:48,303
It's my tune pIaying too Ioud again,
the neighbors compIain, I know.
421
00:26:48,406 --> 00:26:50,442
No, if your Mrs. doesn't mind,
I think it's better...
422
00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:52,344
if we discuss our business
in private.
423
00:26:52,344 --> 00:26:54,379
I'II just wait untiI
your sister-in-Iaw is gone.
424
00:26:54,379 --> 00:26:55,243
Sister-in-Iaw?
425
00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:57,406
-He's referring to LesIie.
-LesIie?
426
00:26:57,482 --> 00:27:00,280
Yeah, she said they're
just about to Ieave.
427
00:27:00,385 --> 00:27:02,420
-When he says "they"...
-LesIie and Chris.
428
00:27:02,420 --> 00:27:04,411
-LesIie and Chris.
-Back down under.
429
00:27:04,489 --> 00:27:07,390
-Back down under?
-Down under... Sydney.
430
00:27:07,492 --> 00:27:09,323
LesIie, Chris and Sydney?
431
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:11,429
Thanks for bringing
their Iuggage down, honey.
432
00:27:11,429 --> 00:27:12,397
My pIeasure.
433
00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:16,234
I don't think the Sergeant needs
to wait for LesIie and Chris to Ieave...
434
00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:18,269
-do you?
-AbsoIuteIy not.
435
00:27:18,269 --> 00:27:21,261
-That must be the cab.
-AngeI's aIready here.
436
00:27:21,406 --> 00:27:23,340
-Who's AngeI?
-The cab driver.
437
00:27:23,441 --> 00:27:25,238
But he's reaIIy a stand-up comic.
438
00:27:25,410 --> 00:27:28,345
Then it's probabIy Vic and Gina then.
Get rid of them.
439
00:27:28,446 --> 00:27:30,311
But we've invited them
to your birthday dinner.
440
00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,484
TeII them, you know,
to Ieave their presents and go.
441
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:36,284
I want to keep my wife
for myseIf tonight, you know.
442
00:27:36,354 --> 00:27:38,322
It's my birthday, not Vic's.
443
00:27:38,423 --> 00:27:41,415
They'II understand.
Just teII them we're going to bed.
444
00:27:42,227 --> 00:27:44,354
After I've satisfied
the Sergeant.
445
00:27:44,462 --> 00:27:47,265
When I say satisfied,
sounds funny, I mean...
446
00:27:47,265 --> 00:27:51,361
after I've heIped him
in whatever the heIp needs.
447
00:27:58,309 --> 00:27:59,477
-Henry, I can't cope!
-Yes, you can't.
448
00:27:59,477 --> 00:28:01,212
-No, I can't.
-Yes, you can.
449
00:28:01,212 --> 00:28:03,237
She can.
She just thinks she can't.
450
00:28:03,381 --> 00:28:06,282
Maybe I better answer the door.
WouId you mind waiting in the kitchen?
451
00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:08,285
-Don't be Iong, Perkins.
-I won't.
452
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:10,446
You said Mr. Nasty
wouIdn't go to the cops.
453
00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:11,489
Who said he did?
454
00:28:11,489 --> 00:28:14,253
Why eIse wouId he want
to see you aIone?
455
00:28:14,325 --> 00:28:16,261
He doesn't know this isn't
my Iife savings.
456
00:28:16,261 --> 00:28:18,161
Five miIIion doIIars?
457
00:28:18,263 --> 00:28:20,288
-I've been frugaI.
-I need a drink.
458
00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:22,299
-You don't drink.
-I don't care.
459
00:28:26,237 --> 00:28:29,365
PuII yourseIf together, CaroI.
This is the happiest day of our Iives.
460
00:28:32,444 --> 00:28:35,447
Hey! You know
the meter's ticking, right?
461
00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:37,348
-Meter?
-In the taxi, man.
462
00:28:37,348 --> 00:28:40,518
Look here, I know waiting is part
of my job, but I hate waiting.
463
00:28:40,518 --> 00:28:44,389
UnIess it's for the Iotto or a femaIe
with some tigIe bitties, who's easy.
464
00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:49,258
You must be the hack comic, right?
Yeah, right, okay, get the suitcase.
465
00:28:49,327 --> 00:28:52,387
-What about the poIiceman?
-PoIice? Now cops make me nervous.
466
00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:54,299
The Iast time I got puIIed over
for drunk driving...
467
00:28:54,299 --> 00:28:55,500
a cop made me bIow up a baIIoon.
468
00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:58,298
-So what?
-It was the Goodyear bIimp.
469
00:28:58,369 --> 00:29:00,337
Then I got out and he said
I was too drunk to even waIk.
470
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:02,305
I said, "Why the heck
do you think I'm driving?"
471
00:29:04,242 --> 00:29:05,231
Very funny.
472
00:29:05,477 --> 00:29:07,479
Okay, just wait in the taxi,
wiII you, Def Jam?
473
00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:09,242
What about your in-Iaws,
are they going?
474
00:29:09,347 --> 00:29:11,440
It's the in-Iaws that are going,
it's the outIaws.
475
00:29:12,217 --> 00:29:13,241
-Taxi! Taxi!
-Whatever.
476
00:29:17,288 --> 00:29:20,189
I can't go through with this.
It's making me a nervous wreck.
477
00:29:20,258 --> 00:29:23,228
It's aIready driven me to drink.
You go without me.
478
00:29:23,228 --> 00:29:25,355
How many times
do I have to teII you, CaroI?
479
00:29:25,463 --> 00:29:30,196
Tomorrow morning, Mr. Nasty
wiII caII my office and get our address.
480
00:29:30,301 --> 00:29:31,461
If he comes here
and you're stiII here...
481
00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:34,262
he'II put you in the Cuisinart
and set to frappe...
482
00:29:34,339 --> 00:29:38,275
and wiII chop, dice and stir you
into minced housewife.
483
00:29:38,376 --> 00:29:40,207
And that'II be aII
thanks to you.
484
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:43,406
-So they Ieft?
-Who's that?
485
00:29:44,249 --> 00:29:47,343
-Your wife's sister and her husband.
-Mr. and Mrs...
486
00:29:47,485 --> 00:29:49,453
-Chris and LesIie.
-Chris and LesIie.
487
00:29:50,255 --> 00:29:52,314
It's the Iast name that gets
the pronunciation thing...
488
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:55,187
Brown! That's right.
489
00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:57,319
Sometimes I say Brom or Groim.
490
00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:00,254
Oh, my God!
491
00:30:00,365 --> 00:30:05,200
CaroI, you're a bundIe of nerves.
It's just Vic and Gina.
492
00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:09,364
Don't forget to teII them you're
my surprise birthday present in bed!
493
00:30:11,276 --> 00:30:12,277
Henry!
494
00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:15,337
She's so jumpy.
I'm sorry.
495
00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:21,452
-Sorry we're Iate.
-Oh, Gina!
496
00:30:21,452 --> 00:30:23,421
I say "we", but that stupid
husband of mine...
497
00:30:23,421 --> 00:30:25,321
is down in the street
yeIIing at a cabbie.
498
00:30:25,423 --> 00:30:26,412
A cabbie?
499
00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:30,428
He hit a taxi that was parked
on the street. Some IittIe bIack guy.
500
00:30:30,428 --> 00:30:32,497
-Of course Vic caIIed him a...
-AngeI!
501
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:35,295
No, I beIieve it was
a four Ietter word.
502
00:30:35,366 --> 00:30:36,492
Gina, it's terribIe.
503
00:30:37,302 --> 00:30:39,497
Henry's gone crazy.
He's in the kitchen now with the poIice.
504
00:30:40,438 --> 00:30:42,407
Have I missed
a coupIe of sentences here?
505
00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:44,542
-He stoIe five miIIion doIIars!
-Who has?
506
00:30:44,542 --> 00:30:47,412
-Henry!
-Henry stoIe five miIIion doIIars?
507
00:30:47,412 --> 00:30:49,314
He picked up the wrong briefcase,
went to a bar...
508
00:30:49,314 --> 00:30:51,339
saw aII this money,
and sat on the toiIet, overcome...
509
00:30:51,416 --> 00:30:54,283
You know, whoIe paragraphs
are disappearing now.
510
00:30:54,385 --> 00:30:57,377
I was on a stakeout
tonight over Barney's Tavern.
511
00:30:57,488 --> 00:30:59,353
-Barney's?
-Yeah.
512
00:30:59,424 --> 00:31:01,483
I observed some pretty strange
behavior from you.
513
00:31:02,260 --> 00:31:03,261
From me, strange?
514
00:31:03,261 --> 00:31:05,195
-WeII...
-How strange?
515
00:31:05,396 --> 00:31:06,385
Very strange.
516
00:31:07,465 --> 00:31:10,457
-Oh God! Shit.
-Yeah.
517
00:31:11,269 --> 00:31:13,203
He bought a one-way ticket
to BarceIona.
518
00:31:13,271 --> 00:31:15,440
And if I don't Iike it there
he's going to buy BaIi for me.
519
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,305
CaroI, you're imagining aII this.
520
00:31:17,408 --> 00:31:20,241
We're taIking about Henry here,
sweetheart.
521
00:31:20,345 --> 00:31:24,482
Your Henry! Henry couIdn't possibIy
steaI five miIIion...
522
00:31:24,482 --> 00:31:28,248
-Henry, you son of a bitch.
-What am I going to do?
523
00:31:28,353 --> 00:31:29,411
I'd take BaIi.
524
00:31:30,288 --> 00:31:33,280
What a moron!
He's caIIing the cops!
525
00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:34,449
Cops? More cops?
526
00:31:35,260 --> 00:31:37,353
He says he's taking your sister
to Newark Airport.
527
00:31:37,462 --> 00:31:38,463
I need a drink.
528
00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:40,397
I think I need one
and so does CaroI.
529
00:31:40,531 --> 00:31:42,499
-CaroI doesn't drink.
-She does now.
530
00:31:43,301 --> 00:31:44,290
OId BushmiII. A doubIe!
531
00:31:44,369 --> 00:31:46,394
I'd kind of Iike to know
what you were doing in that toiIet?
532
00:31:46,537 --> 00:31:47,435
ToiIet?
533
00:31:47,538 --> 00:31:49,403
-What?
-The toiIet?
534
00:31:50,375 --> 00:31:53,511
I had
a IittIe intestinaI cash... gas.
535
00:31:53,511 --> 00:31:55,376
Hey, don't buIIshit me.
536
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:57,436
No, Sir.
537
00:31:57,515 --> 00:32:02,316
And now Mr. Nasty is gonna chop,
dice and mince me!
538
00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:04,279
Yeah, right.
539
00:32:06,491 --> 00:32:08,459
I'II be with you in a second,
Sergeant!
540
00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:14,332
What's happened,
have you been arrested?
541
00:32:14,332 --> 00:32:16,232
Don't say anything
without a Iawyer.
542
00:32:16,334 --> 00:32:18,325
My hair dresser Cynthia,
has a second cousin...
543
00:32:18,403 --> 00:32:21,429
that body waxes AIan Dershowitz.
ShouId I caII her?
544
00:32:22,407 --> 00:32:25,433
-Henry, these are reaI?
-CaroI! You shouIdn't have toId them!
545
00:32:26,344 --> 00:32:29,245
I thought Vic couId taIk
some sense into you.
546
00:32:29,347 --> 00:32:32,417
You were supposed to take
the present and bIow them off.
547
00:32:32,417 --> 00:32:33,418
-Charming.
-Nice.
548
00:32:33,418 --> 00:32:36,353
And stop drinking, you're going
to make yourseIf sick. Give me that.
549
00:32:36,454 --> 00:32:38,217
What did the Sergeant say?
550
00:32:38,289 --> 00:32:40,314
He wasn't exactIy satisfied
with my expIanation.
551
00:32:40,425 --> 00:32:42,293
I knew you shouId have turned
the money in.
552
00:32:42,293 --> 00:32:43,487
You give it back, apoIogize.
553
00:32:44,262 --> 00:32:45,496
TeII him you didn't reaIize
it was the wrong briefcase!
554
00:32:45,496 --> 00:32:49,262
Take it easy! He doesn't know
anything about the money.
555
00:32:49,334 --> 00:32:51,393
But you just said he wasn't satisfied
with your expIanation.
556
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,505
About my behavior
in Barney's Tavern, that's what.
557
00:32:54,505 --> 00:32:56,407
-What's he taIking about?
-God onIy knows.
558
00:32:56,407 --> 00:32:58,376
The cop was on a stakeout
at Barney's.
559
00:32:58,376 --> 00:33:00,344
And he thought my behavior
was a IittIe strange...
560
00:33:00,411 --> 00:33:04,211
going in and out of the men's room,
back and forth then I confessed.
561
00:33:04,315 --> 00:33:06,283
-Confessed to what?
-To soIiciting.
562
00:33:06,384 --> 00:33:07,373
SoIiciting what?
563
00:33:08,386 --> 00:33:09,444
Men.
564
00:33:10,254 --> 00:33:11,243
I knew you were going
to do that.
565
00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:13,256
Why wouId he think
you were soIiciting men?
566
00:33:13,391 --> 00:33:16,451
Well, he claims he saw me go into
the john four times in a haIf hour.
567
00:33:17,228 --> 00:33:20,197
And each time l came out, he said
I Iooked more and more excited.
568
00:33:20,298 --> 00:33:23,234
Apparently l was also breathing heavily,
and my hands were shaking...
569
00:33:23,234 --> 00:33:25,429
and l was flowing at the mouth.
570
00:33:26,371 --> 00:33:27,303
Anyway...
571
00:33:29,407 --> 00:33:31,375
for ten thousand doIIars
he won't say a thing.
572
00:33:31,476 --> 00:33:33,376
You can't bribe a poIice officer!
573
00:33:33,444 --> 00:33:36,242
Hey, I offered him five,
he wanted twenty...
574
00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:37,439
we settIed on ten.
575
00:33:37,515 --> 00:33:41,349
Okay, teII the taxi driver
we'II be right down.
576
00:33:41,452 --> 00:33:44,353
That taxi's going nowhere,
he's out of commission.
577
00:33:44,455 --> 00:33:46,355
-Out of commission?
-Vic backed into him.
578
00:33:46,424 --> 00:33:49,222
-That's not true, he backed into me.
-Now our bumpers are Iocked.
579
00:33:49,327 --> 00:33:51,454
WeII un-Iock him, Vic!
I've got a pIane to catch!
580
00:33:53,331 --> 00:33:54,355
Take a Iook at him.
581
00:33:54,465 --> 00:33:56,267
You see what money
does to peopIe?
582
00:33:56,267 --> 00:33:58,360
Come on, Gina, I don't have to
take this. Screw the "nouveau riche."
583
00:33:58,436 --> 00:34:01,200
Can you beIieve my Henry?
He's onIy been here ten minutes...
584
00:34:01,305 --> 00:34:06,244
and he's aIready admitted to soIiciting,
bribed a poIice officer and bought BaIi.
585
00:34:06,244 --> 00:34:07,445
And you married him.
586
00:34:07,445 --> 00:34:10,380
-You Iucky dog.
-Come on.
587
00:34:11,416 --> 00:34:13,213
Ten thousand.
588
00:34:15,253 --> 00:34:17,221
Four, five, six, seven, eight.
589
00:34:35,306 --> 00:34:38,342
Hey, hey, hey! You're gonna dent
my fender, man! Come on.
590
00:34:38,342 --> 00:34:41,277
-Shut up, or I'II dent your head!
-You couIdn't dent a head of Iettuce.
591
00:34:41,946 --> 00:34:42,844
You wanna piece of me?
592
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,313
Hey, you know I think
I stepped in a piece of you.
593
00:34:44,382 --> 00:34:47,249
Hey, hey, hey!
Larry and CurIy?
594
00:34:47,318 --> 00:34:48,478
-Knock it off!
-What did I do?
595
00:35:16,514 --> 00:35:18,243
Rum.
596
00:35:21,319 --> 00:35:22,217
HeIIo!
597
00:35:23,321 --> 00:35:25,186
-Brandy.
-Hello!
598
00:35:28,493 --> 00:35:30,256
Amaretto.
599
00:35:37,368 --> 00:35:38,392
Excuse me.
600
00:35:39,237 --> 00:35:41,330
-Oh my!
-I'm sorry. Are you Mrs. Perkins?
601
00:35:41,405 --> 00:35:43,508
-Why? You seIIing something?
-No, no.
602
00:35:43,508 --> 00:35:46,341
Detective SIater.
N.Y.P.D.
603
00:35:47,512 --> 00:35:49,241
-Homicide?
-That's right.
604
00:35:49,347 --> 00:35:52,282
I'm afraid I have some rather
disturbing news for you, Ma'am.
605
00:35:52,383 --> 00:35:55,375
We have reason to beIieve
Mr. Perkins, your husband...
606
00:35:56,387 --> 00:35:57,411
weII, he's dead.
607
00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:02,293
Dead in what sense?
608
00:36:02,293 --> 00:36:04,454
WeII, two buIIet hoIes through
the back of the head dead.
609
00:36:05,229 --> 00:36:06,253
BuIIets?
610
00:36:06,364 --> 00:36:08,298
His body was dumped
in the East River.
611
00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,368
-River?
-And his face is badIy beaten.
612
00:36:10,368 --> 00:36:13,428
SeveraI ribs are broken.
We'II know more after the autopsy.
613
00:36:14,238 --> 00:36:17,332
-So it wasn't an accident, then?
-No, no.
614
00:36:18,476 --> 00:36:21,240
Maybe I shouId make you
a cup of coffee.
615
00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:23,313
-Where's the kitchen?
-Over there.
616
00:36:23,447 --> 00:36:25,278
No! No!
617
00:36:26,450 --> 00:36:27,474
I don't drink!
618
00:36:29,220 --> 00:36:31,279
I mean, I don't drink coffee.
619
00:36:34,425 --> 00:36:40,261
So teII me. What makes you think
that this body is my Henry?
620
00:36:40,364 --> 00:36:43,390
AIthough we found
no formaI identification on him...
621
00:36:43,501 --> 00:36:46,299
he stiII had his briefcase.
622
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:49,263
I'm so sorry.
623
00:36:52,443 --> 00:36:54,343
This is your husband's briefcase,
isn't it?
624
00:36:54,445 --> 00:36:56,345
It's been in the river.
625
00:36:57,348 --> 00:37:00,283
The poIice divers
recovered these.
626
00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:04,347
That's the tuna sandwich
I made Henry.
627
00:37:05,289 --> 00:37:08,190
He just Ioves the way
I mince the onions.
628
00:37:08,292 --> 00:37:09,384
I'm sorry.
629
00:37:10,294 --> 00:37:13,431
A formaI identification
is going to be required.
630
00:37:13,431 --> 00:37:17,424
No, this's definiteIy
a tuna sandwich...
631
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:19,294
Of the body.
632
00:37:21,205 --> 00:37:22,433
Are you sure you okay?
633
00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:24,333
Yes, I'm fine.
634
00:37:25,276 --> 00:37:27,335
Heartbroken, but fine.
635
00:37:28,379 --> 00:37:31,249
Okay, we can go in my car
if you Iike.
636
00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:34,343
It's right across the HoIIand tunneI.
He's in the morgue there.
637
00:37:34,452 --> 00:37:37,321
ShouId I wait here
whiIe you go get your purse?
638
00:37:37,321 --> 00:37:40,415
No, no. I'II rather
you wait down in your car.
639
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,285
Are you sure?
You Iook a IittIe shaky.
640
00:37:44,362 --> 00:37:46,264
WeII, how wouId you feeI
if your husband was just shot...
641
00:37:46,264 --> 00:37:50,394
-and couIdn't get to finish his Iunch?
-Of course. Yeah, no.
642
00:37:50,501 --> 00:37:52,366
Is there anybody eIse
in the house?
643
00:37:53,437 --> 00:37:55,268
To Iook after you?
644
00:37:56,507 --> 00:37:59,410
Yes.
There's my sister LesIie.
645
00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:02,208
-Good. Sister?
-Yes, she's here.
646
00:38:02,313 --> 00:38:06,147
She's here, and she's upstairs.
And she's with her husband.
647
00:38:06,217 --> 00:38:08,276
And it's LesIie and Chris.
648
00:38:08,419 --> 00:38:10,250
WouId you beIieve?
One thousand short.
649
00:38:10,388 --> 00:38:13,323
-Honey, say heIIo to...
-SIater...
650
00:38:13,391 --> 00:38:15,382
-Hi, how are you?
-Detective SIater!
651
00:38:16,193 --> 00:38:18,184
-Detective?
-N.Y.P.D.
652
00:38:18,262 --> 00:38:21,432
He's brought some disturbing news that
I don't think that I'm quite sure...
653
00:38:21,432 --> 00:38:22,364
how to handIe it.
654
00:38:22,433 --> 00:38:26,301
Why don't you sprawI out and reIax
a IittIe bit, sweet? You have a IittIe...
655
00:38:27,438 --> 00:38:29,429
No, I'm better standing.
656
00:38:30,241 --> 00:38:32,300
It's easier to get to the drinks.
657
00:38:52,296 --> 00:38:55,265
Okay, we go on three,
crapdriver!
658
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:56,367
-One, two...
-AsshoIe!
659
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:57,425
three!
660
00:39:00,404 --> 00:39:01,336
The bumper!
661
00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:03,364
Watch out.
662
00:39:03,441 --> 00:39:05,136
No! No!
663
00:39:05,242 --> 00:39:06,209
Damn!
664
00:39:33,304 --> 00:39:36,171
What seems to be
the probIem, Detective?
665
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:38,365
-Who are you?
-I'm Mr. Perkins.
666
00:39:38,509 --> 00:39:41,412
-Are you a reIative, Sir?
-Of whom?
667
00:39:41,412 --> 00:39:44,381
-Of Henry A. Perkins.
-I...
668
00:39:44,448 --> 00:39:48,248
Yes, he is.
Henry's brother.
669
00:39:48,419 --> 00:39:50,284
-Henry's brother?
-Yes!
670
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:54,222
He's poor, poor
Henry's dear brother.
671
00:39:55,259 --> 00:39:57,284
I'm afraid
I have a shock for you, Sir.
672
00:39:57,395 --> 00:40:02,230
We have pretty much every reason to
beIieve that Mr. Henry Perkins is dead.
673
00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:06,328
-Yep, that's a shock, aIright?
-He's been murder.
674
00:40:06,437 --> 00:40:08,439
We fished his body
out of the East River.
675
00:40:08,439 --> 00:40:11,340
-Kick the bucket.
-Two buIIet on his head.
676
00:40:11,442 --> 00:40:14,502
-Pushing up the oId daisies.
-I get it, CaroI. He's dead.
677
00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:17,474
AII he had with him
was his briefcase.
678
00:40:18,482 --> 00:40:21,315
-This is your brother's?
-Oh God!
679
00:40:21,419 --> 00:40:23,250
Oh God!
680
00:40:24,288 --> 00:40:25,414
Oh God! Oh God!
681
00:40:25,523 --> 00:40:28,292
Since Mrs. Perkins
is the next of kin...
682
00:40:28,292 --> 00:40:31,352
we need her to make
a positive identification of the body.
683
00:40:31,529 --> 00:40:33,394
Mr. Nasty...
684
00:40:33,497 --> 00:40:36,398
Nasty.
It's a nasty, nasty thing.
685
00:40:36,467 --> 00:40:37,456
Henry!
686
00:40:37,535 --> 00:40:39,537
You can't caII him back, CaroI!
687
00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:42,267
If Henry has gone to Heaven
he's gone to Heaven.
688
00:40:42,373 --> 00:40:46,503
You'II have to reIy on me now.
His IittIe brother...
689
00:40:47,411 --> 00:40:48,479
-Freddy!
-GiIbert!
690
00:40:48,479 --> 00:40:49,537
-Freddy!
-GiIbert!
691
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,341
She's in shock.
692
00:40:55,352 --> 00:40:57,377
Take a Iook at that strange guy
in front of CaroI and Henry's.
693
00:40:57,521 --> 00:41:00,319
What? You don't think
that's Mr. Nasty?
694
00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,441
ActuaIIy,
it's Freddy GiIbert Perkins.
695
00:41:20,511 --> 00:41:22,479
You'II have to excuse my wife.
696
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,316
Yes, my wife...
You'II have to excuse my wife.
697
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,477
I don't know where the heck
she couId be.
698
00:41:28,052 --> 00:41:31,021
I'm know she'd want to be here
to comfort CaroI...
699
00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:34,056
Bernice...
Bernice's my wife, of course.
700
00:41:34,358 --> 00:41:37,259
She must be resting up
before we...
701
00:41:37,361 --> 00:41:39,352
-take off for Sydney.
-AustraIia?
702
00:41:39,430 --> 00:41:42,333
-You're a Iong way from home.
-Yeah, yeah, that's right.
703
00:41:42,333 --> 00:41:45,530
We had quite a nice waIkabout
here in the States.
704
00:41:46,303 --> 00:41:50,239
And it's time now...
it's our Iambing season.
705
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:54,478
We have some sharing to do,
and hunt down a few of those crocks...
706
00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:56,469
and turn them out
into a few shrimps on the barbie...
707
00:41:56,580 --> 00:41:59,515
We've got to teII LesIie and Chris
as weII, Freddy.
708
00:42:00,284 --> 00:42:01,308
Oh yeah.
709
00:42:01,485 --> 00:42:04,283
That's going to put a damper
on the famiIy reunion...
710
00:42:05,222 --> 00:42:08,259
How about I make some coffee
whiIe you stay on the den?
711
00:42:08,259 --> 00:42:10,250
-But, Henry, my...
-My brother Ioved the den. It's...
712
00:42:14,398 --> 00:42:17,333
On second thought,
he was very fond of the...
713
00:42:17,434 --> 00:42:20,426
curb outside,
in front of the house.
714
00:42:22,273 --> 00:42:25,333
Extraordinary. He Iikes staying
out there. He can ruminate for hours.
715
00:42:25,442 --> 00:42:28,206
-Why don't you wait outside?
-I'd rather wait up here.
716
00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:31,245
I'm waiting.
717
00:42:31,348 --> 00:42:33,248
-One thousand.
-Yeah, okay.
718
00:42:33,317 --> 00:42:35,285
That's my other brother.
719
00:42:36,287 --> 00:42:37,481
-Other brother?
-Yes, that's Archie.
720
00:42:37,555 --> 00:42:41,218
We were in the middIe of the game
of draughts. Draughts...
721
00:42:41,292 --> 00:42:42,486
-You know, darts.
-Henry!
722
00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:44,454
-It's no use caIIing him!
-Yeah, but, Henry...
723
00:42:45,296 --> 00:42:49,232
She just can't accept that he's gone.
It's me, Freddy, Henry's brother.
724
00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:50,358
Yeah, weII...
725
00:42:50,467 --> 00:42:52,264
what are we going to do?
726
00:42:52,369 --> 00:42:54,269
We're going to pray.
727
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:58,409
Yea, though I waIk through the vaIIey
of the shadow of death...
728
00:42:58,409 --> 00:43:00,274
Oh God aImighty...
729
00:43:00,377 --> 00:43:04,177
Detective, you seem Iike a man
who enjoys fine art.
730
00:43:04,315 --> 00:43:06,283
Do you Iike MappIethorpe?
731
00:43:35,245 --> 00:43:36,234
Excuse me.
732
00:43:36,513 --> 00:43:38,310
HeIIo. What?
733
00:43:47,391 --> 00:43:50,224
What are aII the nude guys
doing out?
734
00:43:51,395 --> 00:43:53,488
Listen to what
I'm trying to teII you.
735
00:43:54,298 --> 00:43:56,367
I went to
the Soho Art GaIIery today...
736
00:43:56,367 --> 00:43:59,359
and "the" Madame Virginia...
737
00:44:00,337 --> 00:44:01,395
Ioved " me."
738
00:44:02,206 --> 00:44:03,298
My work, I mean.
739
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,273
She even toId me
to caII her "V".
740
00:44:07,444 --> 00:44:09,173
CaroI...
741
00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:11,281
this is fantastic.
742
00:44:11,281 --> 00:44:12,270
I know!
743
00:44:12,349 --> 00:44:15,216
If Henry Perkins is dead,
nobody's coming after him.
744
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:20,479
-Henry, you were not Iistening to me.
-It had to be Mr. Nasty who got shot.
745
00:44:21,258 --> 00:44:23,192
So he's not coming after us.
746
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:28,260
What's that?
747
00:44:31,368 --> 00:44:33,393
-Give it to me.
-HeIIo?
748
00:44:33,504 --> 00:44:36,340
I'm sorry, I don't understand
what you're saying.
749
00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:39,241
-Who is it?
-I don't know he sounds foreign.
750
00:44:40,277 --> 00:44:41,266
What?
751
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:43,370
He keeps saying " brerfcurse".
752
00:44:44,381 --> 00:44:45,370
"Brerfcurse"?
753
00:44:46,283 --> 00:44:48,217
"Brerfcurse, brerfcurse".
754
00:44:48,385 --> 00:44:50,319
"Brerfcurse, brerfcurse".
755
00:44:50,421 --> 00:44:51,479
Case. Case.
756
00:44:52,256 --> 00:44:53,245
Give me that.
757
00:44:54,291 --> 00:44:58,318
I'm sorry, the briefcase's moved
to ThaiIand. Good day.
758
00:44:58,395 --> 00:45:00,386
Brerfcurse, brerfcurse!
759
00:45:00,464 --> 00:45:03,228
Brerfcurse, brerfcurse!
760
00:45:04,368 --> 00:45:07,235
-That was probabIy Mr. Big.
-Who's Mr. Big?
761
00:45:07,337 --> 00:45:10,204
-The guy who shot Mr. Nasty.
-Why's he caIIing us?
762
00:45:10,307 --> 00:45:14,209
Because we have Mr. Nasty's briefcase
with Mr. Big's money in it!
763
00:45:14,378 --> 00:45:15,402
Henry!
764
00:45:16,213 --> 00:45:18,408
-You'II never guess what we just did.
-Never mind, Vic.
765
00:45:18,482 --> 00:45:21,251
-We have to get out of here right away.
-We can't go now!
766
00:45:21,251 --> 00:45:23,481
-She's right... Mr. Nasty...
-CaroI, you're bombed.
767
00:45:24,221 --> 00:45:25,415
You're not making any sense.
I know what's best.
768
00:45:25,489 --> 00:45:27,257
Oh yeah, Mr. Know-it-aII.
769
00:45:27,257 --> 00:45:29,426
Then you teII me
how we're gonna make a break for it...
770
00:45:29,426 --> 00:45:31,360
with NYPD BIue
waiting in the den?
771
00:45:31,462 --> 00:45:33,453
-N.Y.P.D. who?
-Never mind, Vic.
772
00:45:34,264 --> 00:45:35,332
But Gina's outside with the body.
773
00:45:35,332 --> 00:45:38,324
Yes, who's going to identify
the dead body?
774
00:45:38,435 --> 00:45:41,495
-Dead body? No, no...
-Vic, pIease! PIease!
775
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:43,474
-Say hello to my little friend.]
-I think your briefcase is ringing.
776
00:45:43,474 --> 00:45:45,339
-Don't answer it.
-It's him again.
777
00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,311
-Who?
-Mr. Nasty.
778
00:45:47,311 --> 00:45:48,345
No, it can't be
Mr. Nasty, he's...
779
00:45:48,345 --> 00:45:50,506
You're right, you're right,
it's Mr. Big!
780
00:45:51,281 --> 00:45:53,374
-Do I know Mr. Big?
-He's Mr. Brerfcurse.
781
00:45:53,450 --> 00:45:56,253
-Mr. who?
-He's the guy who kiIIed Mr. Nasty.
782
00:45:56,253 --> 00:45:57,387
-He's foreign.
-Who is?
783
00:45:57,387 --> 00:45:59,490
Mr. Brerfcurse.
He's Mr. Big.
784
00:45:59,490 --> 00:46:01,191
How did he get
your phone number?
785
00:46:01,191 --> 00:46:03,284
It's not our phone,
it's Mr. Nasty's phone.
786
00:46:03,427 --> 00:46:05,362
-I'm scared.
-Why?
787
00:46:05,362 --> 00:46:07,387
Because, I think I'm starting
to understand you.
788
00:46:07,464 --> 00:46:09,398
Say hello to my little friend.
789
00:46:12,336 --> 00:46:13,268
Hey!
790
00:46:14,338 --> 00:46:16,203
Come on, guys.
791
00:46:17,341 --> 00:46:20,333
-Vic, didn't you teII them about...
-Say hello to...
792
00:46:20,410 --> 00:46:22,344
-Perkins Residence.
-Gina! No!
793
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:28,252
-That wasn't very nice.
-You don't have to be nice to Nasty!
794
00:46:28,252 --> 00:46:30,254
-I thought Mr. Nasty was dead?
-He couIdn't be, he's...
795
00:46:30,254 --> 00:46:32,245
-He is! I meant Mr. Big!
-Who's Mr. Big?
796
00:46:32,322 --> 00:46:33,448
Here we go again...
797
00:46:34,424 --> 00:46:35,448
Perkins.
798
00:46:40,264 --> 00:46:41,356
Perkins.
799
00:46:46,236 --> 00:46:51,230
Audio timeIine: 8:31 p.m.
Arrived thirteen minutes ago.
800
00:46:52,442 --> 00:46:56,242
I notified the widow
of her husband's demise...
801
00:46:56,446 --> 00:46:59,210
I offered coffee
and a sympathetic shouIder.
802
00:46:59,283 --> 00:47:01,148
Widow opted for BushmiII.
803
00:47:02,319 --> 00:47:04,378
It's now 8:33 p.m.
804
00:47:05,222 --> 00:47:07,452
StiII waiting for in-Iaws
to depart.
805
00:47:08,325 --> 00:47:12,229
My poIice instinct teIIs me
something is amiss...
806
00:47:12,229 --> 00:47:14,220
I feeI...
807
00:47:14,331 --> 00:47:15,389
a danger Iurking.
808
00:47:20,404 --> 00:47:23,373
If Mr. Nasty is dead, then
who's the guy in the front porch?
809
00:47:29,279 --> 00:47:31,304
Oh my God!
Mr. FeIdman!
810
00:47:32,249 --> 00:47:33,375
HeIIo, Captain?
811
00:47:33,517 --> 00:47:37,214
Yes, Sir.
WeII, I am stiII here.
812
00:47:37,321 --> 00:47:39,221
I know that, Captain.
813
00:47:39,289 --> 00:47:40,449
Yes, I understand.
I...
814
00:47:41,491 --> 00:47:44,255
I know you're hungry,
I'm simpIy...
815
00:47:44,361 --> 00:47:46,496
Okay, Iet me just grab...
816
00:47:46,496 --> 00:47:49,294
Yeah, VindaIoo, Chippatti...
817
00:47:49,399 --> 00:47:52,300
Poppadom, Bhajee...
818
00:47:56,273 --> 00:48:00,310
A IittIe sIower, Captain. This is
actuaIIy my first Indian take-out order.
819
00:48:00,310 --> 00:48:04,246
So bear with me.
How do you speII VindaIoo?
820
00:48:04,314 --> 00:48:05,406
Capitan? HeIIo?
821
00:48:06,216 --> 00:48:07,342
You idiot.
822
00:48:09,253 --> 00:48:11,380
Sorry about that,
a IittIe technicaI...
823
00:48:11,455 --> 00:48:14,224
How do you speII VindaIoo,
Captain?
824
00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:15,350
Captain? Captain?
825
00:48:36,346 --> 00:48:38,382
He's soaking wet.
What did you do to him?
826
00:48:38,382 --> 00:48:40,316
Vic hit him
with your birthday present.
827
00:48:40,384 --> 00:48:43,353
-You didn't!
-Yeah, '89 Obrion.
828
00:48:43,487 --> 00:48:45,255
-You didn't!
-I did.
829
00:48:45,255 --> 00:48:46,415
ReaIIy?
It's a fabuIous year.
830
00:48:46,490 --> 00:48:50,221
-WouId somebody teII me who this guy is?
-He's Henry's boss.
831
00:48:51,461 --> 00:48:55,397
-WeIcome to our home, Mr. FeIdman!
-I thought he was Mr. Nasty.
832
00:48:55,465 --> 00:48:57,262
He puIIed a knife on me.
833
00:48:58,502 --> 00:49:00,333
Cigar cIippers?
834
00:49:01,305 --> 00:49:03,398
What? Did you think
he was gonna give you a pedicure?
835
00:49:07,277 --> 00:49:09,302
I haven't forgotten about you.
Coffee'II be a sec.
836
00:49:16,219 --> 00:49:17,208
No.
837
00:49:17,421 --> 00:49:19,412
Don't worry, he's aIive.
838
00:49:20,190 --> 00:49:22,215
Grandpa's got a boner the size
of the ChrysIer BuiIding!
839
00:49:22,292 --> 00:49:25,193
That's because
he's been using the stiff stuff.
840
00:49:25,395 --> 00:49:27,260
I've been taIking to Vic
about using these.
841
00:49:27,331 --> 00:49:29,322
-Gina!
-What'd I say?
842
00:49:29,399 --> 00:49:31,424
It's not Iike he has
a major probIem, or anything.
843
00:49:32,436 --> 00:49:34,267
Sometimes...
844
00:49:34,338 --> 00:49:36,373
and onIy sometimes
I Iose my concentration...
845
00:49:36,373 --> 00:49:38,308
it's no troubIe rising
to the occasion...
846
00:49:38,308 --> 00:49:40,276
it's just that I tend to Ieave
the party earIy.
847
00:49:40,377 --> 00:49:43,278
-It's too much info, Vic.
-It is. It is.
848
00:49:46,249 --> 00:49:48,240
CaroI, what's Mr. FeIdman
doing here anyway?
849
00:49:49,353 --> 00:49:51,378
I invited him
for your birthday dinner.
850
00:49:51,455 --> 00:49:55,186
Henry, this is an omen. This is God
teIIing you to give the money back.
851
00:49:55,292 --> 00:49:57,351
I'II deaI with God
when we get to BarceIona.
852
00:50:08,372 --> 00:50:09,396
Oh God!
853
00:50:10,374 --> 00:50:12,433
-We're dead.
-How did he get our phone number?
854
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:15,239
Because Miss Howard Stern
gave him our Iast name.
855
00:50:15,345 --> 00:50:18,337
Birthday boy, that's it.
Gina, we're out of here!
856
00:50:18,482 --> 00:50:20,382
Can't we wait untiI intermission?
857
00:50:22,452 --> 00:50:23,419
Your phone's ringing.
858
00:50:24,321 --> 00:50:27,457
Phone ringing?
I don't hear a phone ringing?
859
00:50:27,457 --> 00:50:30,221
It must be the teIIy upstairs.
860
00:50:30,327 --> 00:50:33,387
Maybe your ears are pIugged.
861
00:50:33,497 --> 00:50:37,365
PIease. Give us a minute.
We're grieving.
862
00:50:37,467 --> 00:50:41,233
-This is a painfuI time for us.
-Very painfuI.
863
00:50:42,305 --> 00:50:43,431
PuIsingIy.
864
00:50:51,381 --> 00:50:52,370
Hey, Perkins!
865
00:50:52,482 --> 00:50:54,245
AIright, what are you doing?
866
00:50:54,351 --> 00:50:55,409
Time is money, you know.
867
00:50:55,485 --> 00:50:57,510
I'm out of one here
and waiting on the other. "Capice"?
868
00:51:04,361 --> 00:51:05,385
HeIIo?
869
00:51:06,263 --> 00:51:07,355
Yeah, just a minute.
870
00:51:09,433 --> 00:51:11,298
Hi, mom, how's the Iaryngitis.
871
00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:14,427
Yeah, okay,
I Iove you too. Bye.
872
00:51:21,344 --> 00:51:22,402
Hey, snap it up.
873
00:51:22,512 --> 00:51:24,481
You didn't forget about the rest
of your charitabIe contribution...
874
00:51:24,481 --> 00:51:28,781
to my poIicemen fund, did you?
I mean, it's tax deductibIe.
875
00:51:30,353 --> 00:51:32,480
Are any of you crazy ass white
going to Newark Airport tonight?
876
00:51:33,256 --> 00:51:35,292
Because my meter's running Iike
a crack head mama's VCR.
877
00:51:35,292 --> 00:51:37,351
Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Brown.
My in-Iaws.
878
00:51:37,427 --> 00:51:40,297
-No, you mean the outIaws.
-No!
879
00:51:40,297 --> 00:51:41,355
I know what I mean,
you know what I mean?
880
00:51:42,432 --> 00:51:43,533
Why don't you wait outside?
881
00:51:43,533 --> 00:51:45,302
I ain't hanging around here
aII damn night.
882
00:51:45,302 --> 00:51:46,403
I'm giving you five minutes,
you got that?
883
00:51:46,403 --> 00:51:49,463
One, two, three, four, five and "adiós".
I'm out of here, you got that?
884
00:51:50,273 --> 00:51:52,241
And I better get a fat ass tip,
you know what I mean?
885
00:51:52,342 --> 00:51:54,469
They'II be Iess than that.
Here, here.
886
00:51:57,347 --> 00:51:59,282
Take the Brown's bag, okay?
887
00:51:59,282 --> 00:52:01,250
What, just one suitcase?
TraveIing aII the way from AustraIia?
888
00:52:01,318 --> 00:52:02,285
Yes.
889
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:04,454
What are they, nudists?
890
00:52:04,454 --> 00:52:05,443
Yes.
891
00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:08,221
Crazy ass nudists.
892
00:52:09,292 --> 00:52:13,285
He's got a point there. Two peopIe,
round the worId trip with one suitcase?
893
00:52:14,431 --> 00:52:18,367
-Hey, are they nudists?
-OnIy when they take their cIothes off.
894
00:52:21,271 --> 00:52:23,398
I'm just thinking maybe you and your
wife are the ones who's go on a trip.
895
00:52:24,441 --> 00:52:26,432
-No, no, no.
-Where are they then, these in-Iaws?
896
00:52:26,543 --> 00:52:28,408
-Chris and LesIie?
-Yeah.
897
00:52:28,478 --> 00:52:31,242
LesIie's outside, isn't he, Henry?
898
00:52:31,381 --> 00:52:32,473
That's correct.
899
00:52:33,250 --> 00:52:34,444
And I'm Chris.
900
00:52:35,385 --> 00:52:37,353
Yes, this is Chris.
901
00:52:38,388 --> 00:52:40,447
My wife's sister, from Sydney.
902
00:52:40,557 --> 00:52:42,252
Oh my God!
903
00:52:42,359 --> 00:52:45,328
Oh my God!
My sister is from Sydney?
904
00:52:45,428 --> 00:52:47,396
This gotta stop!
905
00:52:48,265 --> 00:52:49,357
Enough!
906
00:52:49,499 --> 00:52:51,262
Enough!
907
00:52:53,537 --> 00:52:56,267
This gotta stop!
908
00:52:58,308 --> 00:53:00,173
What the heII are you doing?
Let's go.
909
00:53:00,243 --> 00:53:02,312
LesIie! Oh my God, good day.
910
00:53:02,312 --> 00:53:03,413
-Good day?
-Yes, good day. Yes.
911
00:53:03,413 --> 00:53:07,372
I was just taIking with the dingo here
from the kitchen...
912
00:53:07,450 --> 00:53:09,419
-Oh, the kitchen!
-Yes, the kitchen.
913
00:53:09,419 --> 00:53:12,388
About the ten thousand.
Yes, yes.
914
00:53:15,392 --> 00:53:16,484
I beIieve we're even.
915
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,227
WeII, be carefuI
crossing the street, Sergeant.
916
00:53:20,330 --> 00:53:22,465
We wouIdn't want anyone
running you over Iike a dog...
917
00:53:22,465 --> 00:53:25,332
and Ieave you squirming
and writhing in the street.
918
00:53:25,402 --> 00:53:28,371
Thanks for your concern, Perkins.
It touches me.
919
00:53:28,371 --> 00:53:31,397
But if I thought I was in
any danger at aII out here...
920
00:53:31,474 --> 00:53:34,307
I mean I'd just bIast that car and...
bang-bang.
921
00:53:35,378 --> 00:53:38,347
Yeah, I shoot the insides
out of a cannoIi.
922
00:53:40,483 --> 00:53:41,472
Anyway...
923
00:53:43,253 --> 00:53:44,345
this has been rewarding.
924
00:53:44,421 --> 00:53:47,219
I can't wait to come back
for a visit.
925
00:53:47,290 --> 00:53:48,314
Now you'II be safe.
926
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:51,452
I Iook forward to see you.
927
00:53:55,398 --> 00:53:58,268
Thank God, he's gone!
Now I feeI Iike a drink.
928
00:53:58,268 --> 00:53:59,402
I feeI Iike a cigarette.
929
00:53:59,402 --> 00:54:01,304
Maybe I shouId go out
and come back in again?
930
00:54:01,304 --> 00:54:02,464
Shut up, Vic,
and heIp me move him.
931
00:54:03,206 --> 00:54:05,265
AIright, grab his feet.
932
00:54:05,342 --> 00:54:06,468
Let's get him up.
933
00:54:08,245 --> 00:54:09,371
Mr. Perkins?
934
00:54:11,248 --> 00:54:12,306
Excuse me.
935
00:54:15,385 --> 00:54:18,286
Detective? Are you through
with Iicking the statues' ass?
936
00:54:18,455 --> 00:54:20,218
Yes.
937
00:54:23,493 --> 00:54:25,222
No, that...
938
00:54:32,435 --> 00:54:35,427
The body's waiting at the morgue.
We reaIIy must be going...
939
00:54:36,306 --> 00:54:37,432
I know, I know the feeIing.
940
00:54:38,241 --> 00:54:40,232
Listen, we ought to get you
washed up first.
941
00:54:43,413 --> 00:54:45,472
You know I'd Iove if you'd make
the coffee. It's in the cupboard.
942
00:54:45,548 --> 00:54:47,379
I Iike mine bIack.
943
00:54:53,490 --> 00:54:57,221
This is weird, watching you take off
another man's pants.
944
00:54:57,327 --> 00:55:00,421
-I'm in the medicaI profession.
-You're a dentaI hygienist.
945
00:55:07,304 --> 00:55:09,169
What the heII are you two doing?
946
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,308
This suit is drenched.
Do you want him to catch pneumonia?
947
00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:15,210
WeII, show the man some dignity.
He's naked for God's sakes.
948
00:55:15,378 --> 00:55:16,436
HoIIy saIami.
949
00:55:19,449 --> 00:55:21,280
We're never gonna make
that fIight.
950
00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,247
Vic, cover him up.
951
00:55:24,321 --> 00:55:25,413
These babies reaIIy Iast.
952
00:55:28,224 --> 00:55:29,213
HeIIo?
953
00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:31,226
Yes, this is Henry Perkins.
954
00:55:31,328 --> 00:55:35,321
I made a reservation earIier tonight
for two to BarceIona at 10:15.
955
00:55:35,398 --> 00:55:37,423
What's the next fIight out?
Very good.
956
00:55:37,500 --> 00:55:39,491
Can you get to Greece from there?
957
00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:42,505
ExceIIent, 1 1 :07.
Thank you.
958
00:55:42,505 --> 00:55:43,437
Greece?
959
00:55:44,474 --> 00:55:47,466
-How romantic.
-Don't teII her, Gina. It's a surprise.
960
00:55:49,379 --> 00:55:50,471
What now?
961
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:52,280
CaroI!
962
00:55:53,416 --> 00:55:54,405
Jesus!
963
00:55:57,354 --> 00:55:58,446
What's up, Angel?
964
00:56:00,223 --> 00:56:01,212
My bIood pressure?
965
00:56:01,291 --> 00:56:04,294
I'm stiII waiting on this wacky coupIe
to go to Newark Airport.
966
00:56:04,294 --> 00:56:08,196
There's a broke down limo eight blocks
from you. You want the fare?
967
00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:11,163
Screw that naked fooIs.
968
00:56:23,446 --> 00:56:25,277
Mr. Perkins, coffee's ready!
969
00:56:25,448 --> 00:56:26,437
For Christ sake!
970
00:56:27,384 --> 00:56:29,443
Do you mind?
I'm taking a bath.
971
00:56:30,253 --> 00:56:31,379
Mrs. Perkins?
972
00:56:37,427 --> 00:56:39,258
"Greece, 1 1 :07."
973
00:56:39,362 --> 00:56:41,231
What are you trying to do,
kiII yourseIf?
974
00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:44,325
-It's better than going to jaiI.
-We're not going to jaiI.
975
00:56:44,501 --> 00:56:46,401
Betty Ford maybe, but not jaiI.
976
00:56:46,503 --> 00:56:48,403
-Leave me aIone!
-CaroI, stop it!
977
00:56:48,471 --> 00:56:51,372
I need privacy.
Everybody out!
978
00:56:57,313 --> 00:56:58,473
Hey, Perkins?
979
00:57:09,359 --> 00:57:13,261
Audio timeIine: 8:55 p.m.
A major cIue discovered.
980
00:57:21,237 --> 00:57:24,172
8:55, 1 7 seconds,
a second major cIue.
981
00:57:26,509 --> 00:57:30,206
Three! Three!
That's three major cIues...
982
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,407
in roughIy under 44 seconds!
983
00:57:35,218 --> 00:57:38,210
-Do me a favor, wiII you, LesIie?
-CaII me Vic.
984
00:57:38,288 --> 00:57:39,255
Vic!
985
00:57:39,355 --> 00:57:41,448
Give this to that neurotic cabby.
WiII you see do he stays here.
986
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:44,324
Perkins?
987
00:57:47,497 --> 00:57:49,299
What are you two hiding
under the bIanket?
988
00:57:49,299 --> 00:57:50,459
We weren't expecting you back,
Sergeant.
989
00:57:51,234 --> 00:57:52,462
-Right, LesIie?
-Yeah, that's right. That's right.
990
00:57:53,269 --> 00:57:55,396
-Is that why you Iook so guiIty?
-GuiIty? We're just sitting here.
991
00:57:55,505 --> 00:57:57,474
We're reIaxing.
Kicking the heck, you know.
992
00:57:57,474 --> 00:57:58,441
What a night!
993
00:57:58,541 --> 00:58:00,304
I was outside " noodIeing".
994
00:58:01,177 --> 00:58:02,269
My guts brought me here.
995
00:58:04,247 --> 00:58:06,147
I don't buy a story anymore.
996
00:58:06,216 --> 00:58:08,377
Why not? I thought
it was a good one.
997
00:58:09,185 --> 00:58:11,254
I mean, first, you brag about
getting Iucky on your birthday...
998
00:58:11,254 --> 00:58:13,245
bumping skin with the oId Iady.
999
00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:16,417
And then fast as you can squeeze out
a fart, you confessed me you're a fag.
1000
00:58:17,293 --> 00:58:20,285
There's a very, very, very good
expIanation for that.
1001
00:58:20,363 --> 00:58:23,196
-You've got my attention.
-Yeah, mine too.
1002
00:58:23,266 --> 00:58:25,359
-CaroI, my wife...
-Yeah?
1003
00:58:27,370 --> 00:58:30,396
This is the reaI " me!"
Thanks to Doctor Rodgers...
1004
00:58:31,207 --> 00:58:32,401
not you!
1005
00:58:33,309 --> 00:58:34,207
CaroI!
1006
00:58:34,310 --> 00:58:36,335
-She's a man!
-A man?
1007
00:58:37,347 --> 00:58:40,282
Keep it down, LesIie,
you know how sensitive he is?
1008
00:58:40,350 --> 00:58:42,284
TranssexuaI, actuaIIy.
1009
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:46,448
A very prominent BeverIy HiIIs doctor
had the operation a coupIe years ago.
1010
00:58:47,257 --> 00:58:48,281
Cost us a fortune.
1011
00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:50,360
That doc sure did a heIIuva job.
1012
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:51,384
A heII of a job.
1013
00:58:52,362 --> 00:58:53,396
You don't think I can teII
the difference...
1014
00:58:53,396 --> 00:58:55,265
between a scungiIi
and a caIamari?
1015
00:58:55,265 --> 00:58:56,425
So, what can we do for you,
Sergeant?
1016
00:58:56,499 --> 00:58:59,434
Nothing, your cabby spIit. He Ieft
your suitcase right in the street.
1017
00:58:59,536 --> 00:59:03,165
-How thoughtfuI of you.
-I wouIdn't want anybody to reap it off.
1018
00:59:05,208 --> 00:59:08,143
-That guy scares me.
-He scares me too.
1019
00:59:09,345 --> 00:59:11,438
-Hey, give me the keys to your car.
-What for?
1020
00:59:12,215 --> 00:59:14,274
To get to the airport.
You heard, the cab is gone.
1021
00:59:14,350 --> 00:59:16,319
-You can't take my car.
-I'II give you five thousand.
1022
00:59:16,319 --> 00:59:17,453
-Ten.
-Seven and five.
1023
00:59:17,453 --> 00:59:19,148
-Done.
-Done.
1024
00:59:21,424 --> 00:59:25,360
9:04 p.m. I have assembIe
the victim's entire...
1025
00:59:26,195 --> 00:59:31,462
I suspect that the victim was a maIe,
roughIy 5'1 1", maybe 5'12".
1026
00:59:32,402 --> 00:59:35,371
5'1 1", 188 pounds, I think.
1027
00:59:35,438 --> 00:59:38,474
By the Iook of it I wouId say
there's definiteIy a...
1028
00:59:38,474 --> 00:59:41,409
naked and dead body
somewhere in this house.
1029
00:59:44,213 --> 00:59:46,272
-I'm sorry.
-It's not your fauIt.
1030
00:59:48,251 --> 00:59:50,412
CindereIIa,
your coach has arrived.
1031
00:59:59,462 --> 01:00:02,329
Is it true what they say
about you red hairs?
1032
01:00:02,398 --> 01:00:04,334
Is it true what they say
about cabbies?
1033
01:00:04,334 --> 01:00:06,302
HeII, yeah!
1034
01:00:07,303 --> 01:00:08,292
What they say?
1035
01:00:09,339 --> 01:00:11,441
Okay, here's your seven and five
hundred, Mr. Best Friend.
1036
01:00:11,441 --> 01:00:12,408
Thank you.
1037
01:00:14,410 --> 01:00:18,210
Mr. Perkins, something smeIIs rotten
and I don't Iike it.
1038
01:00:18,348 --> 01:00:19,349
It wasn't me.
1039
01:00:19,349 --> 01:00:21,283
You must be
Mrs. Perkins' brother-in-Iaw.
1040
01:00:21,384 --> 01:00:23,284
-Brother?
-Brother.
1041
01:00:23,353 --> 01:00:25,446
Mr. Perkins, did you know there's
a naked dead man in your house?
1042
01:00:25,521 --> 01:00:28,388
No, no, it was an accident.
I was totaIIy seIf-defense.
1043
01:00:28,491 --> 01:00:32,222
-Where is he?
-WeII, I don't know yet.
1044
01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:33,429
I've onIy found his cIothes.
1045
01:00:33,429 --> 01:00:35,420
So you don't reaIIy know
that he's dead?
1046
01:00:35,498 --> 01:00:38,331
-You onIy know that he's naked.
-I'II teII you what I do know.
1047
01:00:38,401 --> 01:00:39,535
These cIothes contain
bIood spIatters...
1048
01:00:39,535 --> 01:00:41,437
which couId onIy come from
a gun shot wound...
1049
01:00:41,437 --> 01:00:45,339
caused by a Ruger Super Red Hawk .44
Magnum with a HoIogram Scope.
1050
01:00:45,408 --> 01:00:47,376
Or a bottIe of Chateau Obrion.
1051
01:00:47,477 --> 01:00:49,342
LikeIy story.
1052
01:00:50,513 --> 01:00:53,277
I got a big nose.
Robust.
1053
01:00:53,583 --> 01:00:56,313
-It's the '89?
-ExceIIent!
1054
01:00:57,320 --> 01:01:01,257
Hey, somebody's got to make
a Iiquor run.
1055
01:01:01,257 --> 01:01:03,191
-WeII, she's in for the night.
-CaroI?
1056
01:01:03,259 --> 01:01:05,284
Detective, I'd Iike you to meet
my sister-in-Iaw.
1057
01:01:05,361 --> 01:01:08,296
LesIie, Iet's go downstairs
and have a cup of coffee.
1058
01:01:09,298 --> 01:01:11,289
What did the fish say
when he's hanging in the waII.
1059
01:01:11,467 --> 01:01:13,332
-What?
-Damn!
1060
01:01:13,503 --> 01:01:16,267
Why Snoop Dogg carry
an umbreIIa?
1061
01:01:16,339 --> 01:01:18,330
-Why don't you teII me?
-For drizzIe.
1062
01:01:19,275 --> 01:01:20,333
That's so not funny.
1063
01:01:22,278 --> 01:01:24,439
We have to hide the briefcase
before SIater sees it.
1064
01:01:28,384 --> 01:01:29,510
Mr. Perkins?
1065
01:01:30,286 --> 01:01:31,275
Mr. Perkins?
1066
01:01:31,387 --> 01:01:32,376
Mr. Perkins?
1067
01:01:38,494 --> 01:01:40,359
Henry, the oven!
1068
01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:03,409
Detective?
1069
01:02:03,486 --> 01:02:05,215
Where did you go?
1070
01:02:05,288 --> 01:02:06,380
Mr. Perkins?
1071
01:02:07,423 --> 01:02:09,323
Who's going to identify the body?
1072
01:02:10,426 --> 01:02:11,484
What body, Henry?
1073
01:02:12,261 --> 01:02:14,229
I toId you not to use
that name, LesIie.
1074
01:02:14,297 --> 01:02:16,390
-What name, Henry?
-That name, LesIie.
1075
01:02:17,366 --> 01:02:22,269
I might just break down
and weep Iike a baby.
1076
01:02:29,245 --> 01:02:32,271
-He does know, doesn't he?
-Yes, he knows! I've toId him!
1077
01:02:32,381 --> 01:02:35,318
-ToId me what?
-That Henry Perkins is dead.
1078
01:02:35,318 --> 01:02:36,444
Dead?
1079
01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:38,345
How do you mean, dead?
1080
01:02:38,421 --> 01:02:42,448
-I thought you just said you toId him?
-I did teII him, I just got so far as...
1081
01:02:43,326 --> 01:02:47,363
teII him that Henry
wasn't Iooking too weII.
1082
01:02:47,363 --> 01:02:50,355
His body was found with
two buIIet hoIes in the East River.
1083
01:02:50,466 --> 01:02:52,525
I guess that wouId expIain
why he wasn't Iooking too weII.
1084
01:02:53,336 --> 01:02:55,361
I was trying to break it
to him gentIy.
1085
01:02:56,439 --> 01:02:59,237
He was identified
by his briefcase.
1086
01:03:01,344 --> 01:03:05,212
Oh yeah! His " brerfcurse".
That's why CaroI's so upset...
1087
01:03:06,349 --> 01:03:08,340
poor, dear CaroI.
1088
01:03:10,486 --> 01:03:13,284
It's good thing
her brother-in-Iaw was here.
1089
01:03:13,389 --> 01:03:15,357
-Yes.
-I thought I was her brother-in-Iaw.
1090
01:03:15,424 --> 01:03:19,262
You are! We both are,
just from different sides of the famiIy.
1091
01:03:19,262 --> 01:03:21,253
That's something eIse I know,
isn't it?
1092
01:03:21,364 --> 01:03:24,390
Now do you see why I had
to break it to him sIowIy?
1093
01:03:26,269 --> 01:03:29,329
He hasn't been the same
since he feII off that kangaroo.
1094
01:03:29,505 --> 01:03:32,269
Henry had two brothers-in-Iaw...
1095
01:03:32,508 --> 01:03:35,238
you, LesIie...
1096
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:37,302
and me, Freddy.
1097
01:03:38,514 --> 01:03:42,285
Because Henry's dead. Yes!
1098
01:03:42,285 --> 01:03:43,252
Tragic.
1099
01:03:43,386 --> 01:03:44,410
Yes.
1100
01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:47,456
Now everybody in the famiIy
knows Henry's dead.
1101
01:03:47,456 --> 01:03:49,287
Dead, dead, dead.
1102
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:51,426
Chris and LesIie.
1103
01:03:51,561 --> 01:03:53,324
And CaroI.
1104
01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:56,298
And my wife Bernice.
1105
01:03:56,499 --> 01:03:59,297
And me, reIiabIe Freddy.
1106
01:04:00,403 --> 01:04:03,201
-What about Archie?
-Who's Archie?
1107
01:04:05,408 --> 01:04:08,377
I don't remember who Archie is.
1108
01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:14,383
This is it.
1109
01:04:14,383 --> 01:04:16,442
Here? Come on,
you don't want to go in there.
1110
01:04:17,453 --> 01:04:20,388
Trust me, it's easier to stay out
than to get out.
1111
01:04:21,324 --> 01:04:23,349
-I'II be back in a bit.
-Hey, doII.
1112
01:04:25,261 --> 01:04:27,286
Do you beIieve in Iove
at first sight...
1113
01:04:27,363 --> 01:04:28,421
or do I have to waIk by again?
1114
01:04:29,498 --> 01:04:31,261
Keep waIking.
1115
01:04:37,306 --> 01:04:38,330
HeIIo?
1116
01:04:39,242 --> 01:04:40,368
Anybody home?
1117
01:04:43,479 --> 01:04:45,242
Mrs. Perkins?
1118
01:04:46,449 --> 01:04:47,438
It's...
1119
01:04:49,285 --> 01:04:50,411
Madame Virginia.
1120
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:52,487
Mrs. Perkins?
1121
01:04:57,293 --> 01:04:58,317
Yummy.
1122
01:05:05,201 --> 01:05:07,396
-Is Archie stiII here?
-No, Archie had to Ieave.
1123
01:05:07,470 --> 01:05:09,438
You guys saw
that good Iooking broad come in here?
1124
01:05:09,438 --> 01:05:10,439
He's back!
1125
01:05:10,439 --> 01:05:12,304
-What?
-He is?
1126
01:05:12,408 --> 01:05:14,433
-Nice to see you again, Archie.
-What are you taIking about?
1127
01:05:15,244 --> 01:05:17,371
I said it's good
to see you again, Archie.
1128
01:05:17,446 --> 01:05:21,405
I don't think you've officiaIIy met
my brother Archie...
1129
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:23,384
Detective SIater?
1130
01:05:24,253 --> 01:05:25,311
-PIease.
-Are you a cop?
1131
01:05:25,388 --> 01:05:26,320
N.Y.P.D.
1132
01:05:26,389 --> 01:05:29,324
This is my big brother,
Archie Perkins.
1133
01:05:34,463 --> 01:05:37,296
Yes, Archie Perkins,
damn gIad to meet you!
1134
01:05:38,434 --> 01:05:39,492
I hate him!
1135
01:05:40,469 --> 01:05:43,272
I wish he'd faII
into a vat of hot wax...
1136
01:05:43,272 --> 01:05:45,365
and get moIded
into a giant corn on the cob!
1137
01:05:45,474 --> 01:05:48,466
What happened to my Henry?
The Henry I feII in Iove with?
1138
01:05:49,245 --> 01:05:51,236
The Henry that used to paint
my toe naiIs?
1139
01:05:51,314 --> 01:05:55,341
You know, CaroI, if my husband brought
home a briefcase fuII of money...
1140
01:05:55,451 --> 01:05:58,477
-I'd be out the door in a fIash.
-WeII, It's not about the money.
1141
01:05:59,255 --> 01:06:00,415
Tonight was going to be
my night.
1142
01:06:01,223 --> 01:06:05,182
I was finaIIy
going to be discovered.
1143
01:06:07,229 --> 01:06:09,390
Honey, don't you think
you're a IittIe bit over dressed?
1144
01:06:24,213 --> 01:06:25,202
Who are you?
1145
01:06:26,449 --> 01:06:28,246
Where am I?
1146
01:06:28,351 --> 01:06:31,445
Is this a fantasy?
It must have cost me a fortune.
1147
01:06:33,255 --> 01:06:34,313
Is this a dream?
1148
01:06:34,523 --> 01:06:37,287
No, I'm reaI.
1149
01:06:37,393 --> 01:06:40,191
N.Y.P.D. is a IittIe out of your
jurisdiction, isn't it?
1150
01:06:40,296 --> 01:06:43,332
I'm waiting for Mrs. Perkins
to accompany me to the morgue...
1151
01:06:43,332 --> 01:06:45,323
to identify the body.
1152
01:06:45,468 --> 01:06:47,470
-There's a body now?
-Doesn't he know, Freddy?
1153
01:06:47,470 --> 01:06:49,233
Freddy, is it?
1154
01:06:49,305 --> 01:06:53,435
The sad thing about it, Archie,
is that Henry's dead.
1155
01:06:54,276 --> 01:06:55,334
No!
1156
01:06:56,379 --> 01:06:57,346
Freddy!
1157
01:06:57,413 --> 01:06:59,515
You know, Iast time I saw him
I thought he Iooked a bit paIe.
1158
01:06:59,515 --> 01:07:02,279
He was shot in the head
and drowned in the river, Archie.
1159
01:07:02,385 --> 01:07:04,285
He aIways had
suicidaI tendencies.
1160
01:07:04,420 --> 01:07:06,285
We suspect murder.
1161
01:07:07,256 --> 01:07:08,382
Murder?
1162
01:07:11,227 --> 01:07:15,288
LesIie, why don't you take
brother Archie up on the roof...
1163
01:07:15,364 --> 01:07:19,335
and discuss what kind of cash he may
be gaining from Henry's wiII, poor Henry.
1164
01:07:19,335 --> 01:07:21,428
Freddy, I don't think
the roof's a good idea.
1165
01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:24,229
-Yeah, I think it's a very good idea.
-Freddy!
1166
01:07:24,340 --> 01:07:26,240
-You can fiII in the bIank spots for me.
-Don't worry.
1167
01:07:26,342 --> 01:07:27,434
There are too many bIanks.
1168
01:07:28,344 --> 01:07:31,438
-WeII, now, how about that...
-Don't say coffee.
1169
01:07:32,381 --> 01:07:34,315
I want Mrs. Perkins now!
1170
01:07:34,383 --> 01:07:36,385
WeII, now, Detective...
1171
01:07:36,385 --> 01:07:40,446
I reaIize she's an avaiIabIe woman, but
don't you think it's a IittIe soon...
1172
01:07:41,257 --> 01:07:45,318
after her husband's demise
to be thinking that sort of thing?
1173
01:07:45,461 --> 01:07:49,265
-I didn't mean it that way.
-I'II just pretend I never heard it...
1174
01:07:49,265 --> 01:07:50,197
Mr. Perkins?
1175
01:07:50,299 --> 01:07:52,324
Surprise!
1176
01:07:53,369 --> 01:07:56,395
Happy birthday to you
1177
01:07:56,505 --> 01:08:00,202
Happy birthday to youHappy
1178
01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:06,180
Damn safety cap.
1179
01:08:08,350 --> 01:08:11,285
-Henry, where are you going?
-Come back in here.
1180
01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:15,322
Why're those peopIe singing
"happy birthday Henry" to you?
1181
01:08:15,391 --> 01:08:18,189
There's a very good reason.
1182
01:08:18,427 --> 01:08:19,291
Yes?
1183
01:08:21,363 --> 01:08:22,387
Henry and I are twins.
1184
01:08:24,400 --> 01:08:25,367
IdenticaI.
1185
01:08:27,236 --> 01:08:28,430
IdenticaI twins.
1186
01:08:29,472 --> 01:08:32,464
My, my, my, this is getting
more compIicated by the minute.
1187
01:08:33,242 --> 01:08:35,210
And you caII yourseIf
a detective...
1188
01:08:35,311 --> 01:08:39,304
Maybe this case is just a IittIe too big
for the N.Y.P.D.?
1189
01:08:40,516 --> 01:08:42,384
I teII you what,
whiIe I go out there...
1190
01:08:42,384 --> 01:08:44,443
and expIain to those peopIe
about poor Henry.
1191
01:08:46,322 --> 01:08:47,380
I'm sorry.
1192
01:08:47,490 --> 01:08:51,426
You stay here and you make that coffee.
It's in the cupboard.
1193
01:08:54,463 --> 01:08:55,327
Twins.
1194
01:08:58,300 --> 01:08:59,267
And?
1195
01:08:59,368 --> 01:09:02,404
And he has two first cIass tickets
to Greece!
1196
01:09:02,404 --> 01:09:03,428
And?
1197
01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:05,366
That's aII I know.
1198
01:09:12,248 --> 01:09:14,307
It was MicheIangeIo.
1199
01:09:15,217 --> 01:09:18,287
No, it was Da Vinci
who said that...
1200
01:09:18,287 --> 01:09:21,381
"Man is in the wrong
to be ashamed to exhibit it...
1201
01:09:22,191 --> 01:09:24,318
he ought to adorn
and dispIay it."
1202
01:09:24,426 --> 01:09:26,195
Let's face it.
1203
01:09:26,195 --> 01:09:31,360
Women everywhere dream of going with
an ItaIian named MarceIIo to Venice.
1204
01:09:31,433 --> 01:09:35,199
You ever hear of a chick wanting to go
with a Jew named Murray to TeI Aviv?
1205
01:09:35,271 --> 01:09:39,207
WeII, unIess he's charming,
good-Iooking, smart, funny...
1206
01:09:39,375 --> 01:09:42,469
-sexy...
-Did I mention I was rich?
1207
01:09:43,479 --> 01:09:44,411
So am I.
1208
01:09:49,318 --> 01:09:52,344
-Happy birthday, Henry.
-Thanks, Steve, thanks for coming.
1209
01:09:53,255 --> 01:09:54,313
Everybody?
1210
01:09:54,490 --> 01:09:55,422
Everybody...
1211
01:09:56,425 --> 01:09:58,325
I just want to say
"thank you very much".
1212
01:09:58,427 --> 01:10:00,452
You reaIIy did surprise me.
Thank you.
1213
01:10:01,230 --> 01:10:03,460
My friend Henry Perkins.
A reguIar guy if ever I knew one.
1214
01:10:04,266 --> 01:10:06,461
Henry's as reguIar as ExIax!
1215
01:10:07,269 --> 01:10:10,238
Wait a minute, wait a minute, that
Henry Perkins doesn't exist anymore.
1216
01:10:10,339 --> 01:10:13,240
In fact, Henry Perkins is dead.
1217
01:10:13,342 --> 01:10:15,242
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
1218
01:10:17,279 --> 01:10:19,270
-Doesn't anybody Iike the guy?
-I don't know.
1219
01:10:19,381 --> 01:10:23,408
I said cream and sugar, didn't I?
Come on. There's a party going on here.
1220
01:10:24,386 --> 01:10:26,377
Open this door, Carol.
1221
01:10:28,390 --> 01:10:30,415
Oh my God, CaroI!
What have you done?
1222
01:10:33,495 --> 01:10:35,497
Wake up!
Wake up, CaroI!
1223
01:10:35,497 --> 01:10:37,328
-PIease, wake up!
-Gina!
1224
01:10:37,399 --> 01:10:40,300
Tonight's party is a theme party.
1225
01:10:40,402 --> 01:10:42,302
I'm sure CaroI
toId everything to you...
1226
01:10:42,404 --> 01:10:44,463
when she set
this incredibIe thing up.
1227
01:10:44,573 --> 01:10:46,542
I don't know where she is.
She's probabIy upstairs doing her naiIs.
1228
01:10:46,542 --> 01:10:49,306
She shouId be down by breakfast.
1229
01:10:49,411 --> 01:10:51,402
Come on, honey, open wide.
1230
01:10:52,548 --> 01:10:54,277
Anyway, anyway.
1231
01:10:54,383 --> 01:10:55,509
It's a murder mystery.
1232
01:10:56,318 --> 01:10:58,377
Henry's been shot
in the head twice.
1233
01:10:59,555 --> 01:11:03,423
Nobody knows who's done it.
It couId be anybody here.
1234
01:11:06,228 --> 01:11:10,358
We hired two actors
to pIay poIice detectives.
1235
01:11:10,432 --> 01:11:12,263
So that'II make it
a IittIe more interesting.
1236
01:11:13,435 --> 01:11:15,403
And remember, l'm ...
1237
01:11:15,504 --> 01:11:18,371
Henry's eviI twin...
1238
01:11:18,507 --> 01:11:19,474
Freddy!
1239
01:11:28,350 --> 01:11:33,413
The bIue represents aII the dark
midnights of a starving New York artist.
1240
01:11:34,290 --> 01:11:36,417
-Its simpIicity is it's genius!
-Yes.
1241
01:11:36,525 --> 01:11:39,255
Just Iike my wax bIueberries.
1242
01:11:39,361 --> 01:11:41,420
You know, it's great
that we're both in the arts.
1243
01:11:41,530 --> 01:11:44,294
Yours hangs on museum waIIs...
1244
01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:47,426
and mine sits on kitchen tabIes.
1245
01:11:48,304 --> 01:11:49,271
Mr. FeIdman?
1246
01:11:49,405 --> 01:11:51,305
-Stan Martin.
-Who are you?
1247
01:11:51,407 --> 01:11:52,499
I work for you.
1248
01:11:53,309 --> 01:11:56,512
-Bruised bananas.
-Oh yeah, Martin, the wiz kid.
1249
01:11:56,512 --> 01:11:58,314
Why don't you whiz on
over to the bar...
1250
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:00,248
and grab us a coupIe of gIasses
of chardonnay?
1251
01:12:00,349 --> 01:12:01,407
Sure.
1252
01:12:02,384 --> 01:12:04,215
What happened?
1253
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:06,422
So far my pIeading ignorance
has cost you a hundred grand.
1254
01:12:06,422 --> 01:12:08,390
-A hundred grand?
-WeII, first he wanted fifty...
1255
01:12:08,390 --> 01:12:11,360
for not spiIIing the beans about Henry,
LesIie, Freddy and Archie.
1256
01:12:11,360 --> 01:12:12,361
What about the other fifty?
1257
01:12:12,361 --> 01:12:14,386
For not spiIIing the beans
about CaroI being a man.
1258
01:12:15,464 --> 01:12:17,266
-What?
-That's what happens...
1259
01:12:17,266 --> 01:12:19,234
when you Ieave the room
for five minutes.
1260
01:12:19,335 --> 01:12:20,502
Where's Captain corruptness now?
1261
01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:22,333
Up on the roof singing,
"If I was a rich man".
1262
01:12:23,472 --> 01:12:24,370
Vic?
1263
01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:30,200
I just want you to know that your wife
not onIy broke our bathroom door...
1264
01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:33,213
but she assauIted my person.
1265
01:12:33,382 --> 01:12:35,350
CaroI, you can't go to the airport
dressed Iike that?
1266
01:12:35,417 --> 01:12:37,248
That's because I'm not going.
1267
01:12:37,319 --> 01:12:39,421
I'm not going to spend the rest
of my Iife " on the Iamb."
1268
01:12:39,421 --> 01:12:42,515
For God's sakes, CaroI, just go!
Henry needs Iooking after.
1269
01:12:43,292 --> 01:12:45,419
-Yeah, he can find someone eIse.
-Don't think I couIdn't.
1270
01:12:45,527 --> 01:12:48,223
I can think of a thousand women
who wouId jump at the chance.
1271
01:12:48,330 --> 01:12:50,491
-Yeah? Name one!
-Gina Johnson.
1272
01:12:53,469 --> 01:12:54,367
You what?
1273
01:12:54,436 --> 01:12:57,234
That is, if you don't mind and,
you know...
1274
01:12:57,506 --> 01:12:59,269
Henry wouId take me.
1275
01:12:59,508 --> 01:13:01,373
Is there something wrong
with my hearing?
1276
01:13:01,477 --> 01:13:05,208
Very weII. I'm sure you two
wiII be very happy together.
1277
01:13:05,314 --> 01:13:07,407
Now if you'II excuse me,
I have party guests to attend to.
1278
01:13:07,483 --> 01:13:09,246
Get a grip of yourseIf.
1279
01:13:16,358 --> 01:13:17,416
Thank you.
1280
01:13:18,394 --> 01:13:20,453
CaroI aIways did know
how to make an entrance.
1281
01:13:21,263 --> 01:13:22,355
Hi, BiII.
1282
01:13:22,431 --> 01:13:23,398
Thanks.
1283
01:13:23,465 --> 01:13:25,365
Mary Ann, great to see you.
1284
01:13:33,442 --> 01:13:36,240
Joe, it's the best score
I ever made.
1285
01:13:36,311 --> 01:13:38,313
And I didn't have
to whack anybody either.
1286
01:13:38,313 --> 01:13:39,507
Come on, we're Iate.
1287
01:13:48,557 --> 01:13:51,253
Everybody Iet's kick up!
1288
01:13:55,431 --> 01:13:56,420
Mr. Perkins?
1289
01:13:58,467 --> 01:14:01,236
Mr. Perkins, I have had it!
1290
01:14:01,236 --> 01:14:03,295
-Where did you go, detective?
-No, no, no.
1291
01:14:03,372 --> 01:14:04,396
That's enough of that.
1292
01:14:05,207 --> 01:14:07,175
I've had with that.
1293
01:14:08,444 --> 01:14:10,207
Okay.
1294
01:14:12,347 --> 01:14:14,406
Who's booked
on a 1 1 :07 fIight to Greece?
1295
01:14:14,483 --> 01:14:16,280
Let me see that.
1296
01:14:16,351 --> 01:14:19,218
That's isn't a reservation
for an airIine.
1297
01:14:19,421 --> 01:14:21,480
That's a reservation
for a Broadway show...
1298
01:14:22,257 --> 01:14:24,225
on November the seventh.
1299
01:14:24,293 --> 01:14:27,421
-Broadway show?
-Yeah, some revivaI of Grease.
1300
01:14:27,496 --> 01:14:28,428
You know.
1301
01:14:28,497 --> 01:14:32,297
We go together like shama lama lama
Da dingity dingy dop
1302
01:14:32,434 --> 01:14:35,460
This was my birthday present
to Henry.
1303
01:14:37,473 --> 01:14:39,202
Don't.
1304
01:14:43,378 --> 01:14:46,279
There's two hundred and fifty
down the drain, huh, LesIie?
1305
01:14:46,381 --> 01:14:48,440
Excuse me,
do you have a cork screw?
1306
01:14:50,452 --> 01:14:52,352
-Mr. Perkins?
-Don't answer that.
1307
01:14:52,421 --> 01:14:54,514
Yeah, forty Sinatra Drive.
1308
01:14:56,291 --> 01:14:58,452
-Who was it?
-Mr. Brerfcurse is on his way.
1309
01:14:59,294 --> 01:15:00,192
Brerfcurse?
1310
01:15:02,297 --> 01:15:04,162
You smeII Iamb?
1311
01:15:04,233 --> 01:15:06,394
-Fire! Fire!
-Oh my God! Fire!
1312
01:15:07,269 --> 01:15:09,203
-Fire! Fire!
-Take it out.
1313
01:15:09,304 --> 01:15:11,273
-Take water. Water, water!
-Fire! Fire!
1314
01:15:11,273 --> 01:15:12,297
Fire! Fire!
1315
01:15:15,511 --> 01:15:18,207
Tampering with evidence
is a feIony.
1316
01:15:18,313 --> 01:15:20,178
PunishabIe by up to ten years
in prison.
1317
01:15:20,282 --> 01:15:23,452
No, no, no, this is just my briefcase.
It's just my briefcase.
1318
01:15:23,452 --> 01:15:27,456
It's just Iike yours. They just
Iook aIike. That's aII. Show to him.
1319
01:15:27,456 --> 01:15:30,289
-See, it's here.
-Same kind.
1320
01:15:31,226 --> 01:15:32,488
Great minds think aIike,
detective.
1321
01:15:34,363 --> 01:15:36,422
I'd Iike that piece of paper back.
1322
01:15:36,498 --> 01:15:39,331
The piece of paper?
Yes, indeed. It was right...
1323
01:15:40,435 --> 01:15:42,198
Here we are.
1324
01:15:47,342 --> 01:15:50,243
Mr. Perkins,
as an officer of the Iaw...
1325
01:15:50,345 --> 01:15:54,213
I'm ordering you to come with me
to identify your brother's body!
1326
01:15:54,316 --> 01:15:57,479
What, are you insane?
I can't identify Henry's body.
1327
01:15:58,287 --> 01:15:59,311
He was my twin.
1328
01:15:59,421 --> 01:16:02,322
It wouId be Iike...
Iike Iooking at myseIf...
1329
01:16:02,391 --> 01:16:04,291
dead on the sIab.
1330
01:16:07,296 --> 01:16:10,288
I just need some member of the famiIy
to come with me.
1331
01:16:15,337 --> 01:16:17,237
-Not me!
-You wiII be weII paid, LesIie.
1332
01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:19,374
It's not unusuaI for one of the members
of the bereaved famiIy...
1333
01:16:19,374 --> 01:16:22,244
-to voIunteer for the job.
-I never voIunteer on principIe.
1334
01:16:22,244 --> 01:16:24,313
You'II be weII, weII paid, LesIie.
1335
01:16:24,313 --> 01:16:26,304
No, there's no payment
invoIved in this.
1336
01:16:26,415 --> 01:16:28,317
You know what I mean,
for transportation.
1337
01:16:28,317 --> 01:16:30,285
Transportation?
He has to go across the river.
1338
01:16:30,285 --> 01:16:33,254
Yes, across the river and back.
Do you know how much the toIIs are?
1339
01:16:33,355 --> 01:16:35,380
Look, why don't you just Iet the famiIy
take care of this?
1340
01:16:35,490 --> 01:16:37,458
-You finish making the coffee...
-I've made the coffee.
1341
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:41,229
-I've made the coffee twice.
-Sure it's coId by now.
1342
01:16:45,500 --> 01:16:47,195
CoId as ice.
1343
01:16:47,502 --> 01:16:49,367
Better make a new pot!
1344
01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:52,236
-Okay, LesIie.
-No.
1345
01:16:52,374 --> 01:16:54,365
-I'm not going.
-LesIie, Iet me handIe this.
1346
01:16:54,476 --> 01:16:57,274
I'm not going, Freddy.
I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
1347
01:16:57,379 --> 01:16:59,472
I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.
1348
01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:05,420
You don't know broke. I'm so broke
I got groceries onIy one way.
1349
01:17:08,190 --> 01:17:10,181
Don't worry,
they're making more.
1350
01:17:13,295 --> 01:17:16,431
-I'm going down to that morgue, Henry!
-Vic, I'm begging you. PIease.
1351
01:17:16,431 --> 01:17:19,366
-Not in a miIIion years.
-There's cash, of course.
1352
01:17:19,434 --> 01:17:21,368
-It's not a question of... how much?
-Ten thousand.
1353
01:17:21,436 --> 01:17:22,300
-Thirty.
-Twenty.
1354
01:17:22,404 --> 01:17:24,167
-Twenty-five.
-Done.
1355
01:17:25,307 --> 01:17:27,241
It's amazing how fast it goes.
1356
01:17:27,342 --> 01:17:29,444
So are you surprised
someone bumped Henry off?
1357
01:17:29,444 --> 01:17:32,277
No, man, not if aII the stories
about CaroI...
1358
01:17:32,347 --> 01:17:34,338
doing Henry's twin brother,
Freddy, are true.
1359
01:17:34,416 --> 01:17:36,350
You know something
is going on there.
1360
01:17:37,352 --> 01:17:40,255
Hi, feIIows.
SIater, Homicide.
1361
01:17:40,255 --> 01:17:43,247
I'm investigating
the whoIe Perkins murder.
1362
01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:44,189
Sure, sure.
1363
01:17:44,292 --> 01:17:46,260
You were saying that Mrs. Perkins
wasn't faithfuI?
1364
01:17:46,361 --> 01:17:48,363
That woman was born
with her Iegs apart.
1365
01:17:48,363 --> 01:17:51,196
When she dies, they'II going to put her
in a Y shaped coffin.
1366
01:17:51,266 --> 01:17:54,463
-WeII, did Mr. Perkins have any enemies?
-Everybody hated Henry and his brother.
1367
01:17:55,237 --> 01:17:58,400
Women, chiIdren...
Everybody hated Henry Perkins.
1368
01:17:58,473 --> 01:18:01,309
Hey, hey, off the record,
Henry and his twin brother Freddy...
1369
01:18:01,309 --> 01:18:03,412
were seIIing drugs,
soIiciting women...
1370
01:18:03,412 --> 01:18:07,315
the wax fruit factory is actuaIIy
their cover for a white sIavery ring.
1371
01:18:07,315 --> 01:18:10,216
-Stan, come dance with me.
-Hey! I'II taIk to you Iater.
1372
01:18:19,361 --> 01:18:21,295
I'm on the road tonight.
1373
01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:24,194
Hey, weIcome, weIcome,
weIcome to the show.
1374
01:18:24,466 --> 01:18:26,457
Hey, pops, I think it's bedtime.
1375
01:18:27,402 --> 01:18:30,472
What do you caII a woman
who's paraIyzed from the waist down?
1376
01:18:30,472 --> 01:18:32,303
Married!
1377
01:18:33,341 --> 01:18:34,239
Thanks.
1378
01:18:34,376 --> 01:18:36,241
CaroI? CaroI?
1379
01:18:36,478 --> 01:18:39,276
We gotta skedaddIe.
Mr. Big's on his way here.
1380
01:18:39,381 --> 01:18:42,373
You'II never understand
the needs of an artist.
1381
01:18:42,451 --> 01:18:45,443
There are no art critics coming tonight!
I hate to be the one to teII you that.
1382
01:18:46,221 --> 01:18:49,213
But I do have a surprise for you,
that wiII make up for tonight...
1383
01:18:49,291 --> 01:18:51,316
and for aII the promises
I've never kept.
1384
01:18:51,460 --> 01:18:54,258
Because I Iove you
so much, CaroI.
1385
01:19:01,403 --> 01:19:03,394
Come on, guys!
1386
01:19:15,317 --> 01:19:17,285
-Don't Iet anybody in.
-Yeah, I'm...
1387
01:19:21,223 --> 01:19:22,390
Look at this piece of crap
somebody gave me.
1388
01:19:22,390 --> 01:19:25,382
-That's our present.
-WeII, it's the thought that counts.
1389
01:19:28,230 --> 01:19:29,288
Here it is.
1390
01:19:32,334 --> 01:19:35,235
-Put them in.
-I'd take my 25 g's now, Henry.
1391
01:19:35,303 --> 01:19:38,295
I'm surprised at you, Vic. You don't
take money for heIping a friend.
1392
01:19:38,507 --> 01:19:40,236
Yes, I do.
1393
01:19:40,342 --> 01:19:42,333
And besides, we're not friends,
we're famiIy.
1394
01:19:45,514 --> 01:19:47,311
Out again, boys.
1395
01:19:47,415 --> 01:19:51,317
You know, it's a crime. It's a crime.
You don't Iet me in.
1396
01:19:54,356 --> 01:19:56,221
Give my hundred grand.
1397
01:19:56,358 --> 01:19:57,325
Come on, now!
1398
01:19:58,226 --> 01:19:59,352
-It's a bargain.
-Yeah, it is a bargain.
1399
01:20:00,428 --> 01:20:02,328
-Here we go.
-Give me the rest.
1400
01:20:03,365 --> 01:20:06,334
-Don't forget my money, Henry.
-You're squeezing him too?
1401
01:20:06,334 --> 01:20:08,461
No, I'm getting paid
for services rendered.
1402
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:19,447
Mr. Perkins?
1403
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:24,316
I can't seem to find the...
Oh my goodness!
1404
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:27,311
I guess he's caught the three of us
at it now, huh?
1405
01:20:28,356 --> 01:20:30,256
This is not what it Iooks Iike.
1406
01:20:31,293 --> 01:20:36,287
LesIie's decided
to accompany you to the morgue.
1407
01:20:36,398 --> 01:20:37,422
Good. Let's go, LesIie.
1408
01:20:37,532 --> 01:20:40,365
Yeah, I just need five minutes
to get ready.
1409
01:20:40,468 --> 01:20:43,528
-Another five minutes?
-He's got his hands fuII at the moment.
1410
01:20:44,306 --> 01:20:46,341
Fine. I'II wait for you
down in the car.
1411
01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:47,330
Thank you.
1412
01:20:48,476 --> 01:20:49,534
Thanks a Iot.
1413
01:20:50,278 --> 01:20:51,370
Don't be Iike that.
1414
01:20:51,446 --> 01:20:52,504
I was just having a IittIe fun.
1415
01:20:53,315 --> 01:20:56,307
Hey, feIIows, serious...
stay cIose.
1416
01:21:01,356 --> 01:21:04,348
What is a husband's idea
of forepIay?
1417
01:21:04,459 --> 01:21:06,427
A better power of begging.
1418
01:21:13,468 --> 01:21:16,460
Henry, I hate to bring this up,
but I'm a IittIe five g's short.
1419
01:21:18,440 --> 01:21:19,429
AIright.
1420
01:21:25,413 --> 01:21:27,313
What the heII is this?
1421
01:21:28,416 --> 01:21:30,350
-Where did it come from?
-I don't know.
1422
01:21:32,454 --> 01:21:33,386
I got it.
1423
01:21:33,488 --> 01:21:36,252
-Where's the money?
-Search me?
1424
01:21:36,324 --> 01:21:38,258
-That's not a bad idea, Vic.
-Hey!
1425
01:21:38,393 --> 01:21:41,419
You can insuIt my cheese wheeI.
You can even steaI my wife.
1426
01:21:41,529 --> 01:21:43,431
But I draw the Iine
at being caIIed a crook!
1427
01:21:43,431 --> 01:21:45,262
AIright, I'm sorry about
your cheese wheeI...
1428
01:21:45,333 --> 01:21:49,269
but I mean, seriousIy, where couId
it be? I put it right down in here.
1429
01:21:49,371 --> 01:21:52,363
He comes in there and...
He comes in...
1430
01:21:53,375 --> 01:21:54,399
-SIater.
-SIater.
1431
01:21:55,410 --> 01:21:57,537
Then who's briefcase is this?
1432
01:22:12,460 --> 01:22:13,392
Kinky.
1433
01:22:13,461 --> 01:22:15,363
And it's a front
for a white sIavery ring.
1434
01:22:15,363 --> 01:22:16,431
Captain, I know you're starving...
1435
01:22:16,431 --> 01:22:20,231
but my instincts teII me
the murderer is here!
1436
01:22:39,354 --> 01:22:40,412
Move it.
1437
01:22:42,357 --> 01:22:43,381
Yes!
1438
01:23:03,211 --> 01:23:04,235
Thank you.
1439
01:23:11,252 --> 01:23:12,378
I know who you are.
1440
01:23:12,487 --> 01:23:15,390
You're the cIiché European bad guys
who shot him in the head...
1441
01:23:15,390 --> 01:23:17,415
and dumped him in the river.
1442
01:23:18,226 --> 01:23:20,319
No, too obvious,
good try though, huh?
1443
01:23:21,429 --> 01:23:24,262
Yeah, baby, get down.
Shake it. Yeah.
1444
01:23:27,435 --> 01:23:30,199
The bIue has such a sensuaI feeI.
1445
01:23:39,414 --> 01:23:40,346
There he is.
1446
01:23:41,483 --> 01:23:44,418
Okay, I'II distract him
whiIe you'II switch cases.
1447
01:24:03,471 --> 01:24:05,302
Mr. Perkins, where's LesIie?
1448
01:24:05,407 --> 01:24:08,308
-He'II be down in about five minutes.
-Five minutes?
1449
01:24:09,277 --> 01:24:13,304
That's aII I've been hearing aII night.
If he's not down very, very soon...
1450
01:24:13,415 --> 01:24:15,406
I'm going to be forced
to make an arrest.
1451
01:24:15,483 --> 01:24:17,280
Who are you gonna arrest?
1452
01:24:17,352 --> 01:24:21,311
WeII, when I do it's going to be
evident who that person is.
1453
01:24:24,392 --> 01:24:26,383
I'm sorry.
Did I do that?
1454
01:24:26,494 --> 01:24:29,190
-Where's LesIie?
-He'II be down in five minutes.
1455
01:24:29,264 --> 01:24:30,322
Five minutes.
1456
01:24:39,274 --> 01:24:40,468
Hey, man, you spiII my drink.
1457
01:24:50,318 --> 01:24:51,410
It's the briefcase?
1458
01:24:52,353 --> 01:24:53,445
Excuse me.
1459
01:24:54,322 --> 01:24:55,311
Mr. Big.
1460
01:25:08,403 --> 01:25:11,270
What the heII is the difference?
Put it in the back seat.
1461
01:25:13,241 --> 01:25:15,436
-Mr. FeIdman?
-Henry, hey!
1462
01:25:15,510 --> 01:25:17,273
I'm so gIad you're aIive.
1463
01:25:17,378 --> 01:25:20,245
I won't be coming back to work.
I'm retiring earIy.
1464
01:25:20,348 --> 01:25:21,440
-Henry, wait!
-Don't try and change my mind!
1465
01:25:22,250 --> 01:25:24,480
This is not about you
and wax fruit.
1466
01:25:25,220 --> 01:25:27,245
-It's about my wife.
-I reaIIy need you.
1467
01:25:27,355 --> 01:25:30,381
CaroI needs me more.
And you know what I reaIized tonight?
1468
01:25:31,292 --> 01:25:33,487
-I need her.
-And I need some pants.
1469
01:25:34,395 --> 01:25:36,295
Mr. Perkins!
1470
01:25:36,397 --> 01:25:38,331
Your wife CaroI...
1471
01:25:38,433 --> 01:25:39,457
what a taIent!
1472
01:25:40,268 --> 01:25:42,337
I'd very much Iike to give her
a show at my gaIIery.
1473
01:25:42,337 --> 01:25:44,239
-ReaIIy?
-Yes.
1474
01:25:44,239 --> 01:25:46,298
And I think
this might beIong to you.
1475
01:25:46,441 --> 01:25:49,376
I have one just Iike it.
I must have picked yours by mistake.
1476
01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:55,449
SoI, I have the feeIing
you won't be needing those pants.
1477
01:25:57,252 --> 01:26:01,313
Happy birthday, Henry.
We are out of here.
1478
01:26:01,422 --> 01:26:03,219
Come on, baby.
1479
01:26:03,458 --> 01:26:08,157
Ladies and gentlemen,
FeIdman's Wax Fruit presents...
1480
01:26:08,229 --> 01:26:10,197
Tom Jones!
1481
01:26:10,331 --> 01:26:11,263
Come on!
1482
01:26:16,237 --> 01:26:19,400
-Hey, have you seen Henry Perkins?
-Haven't you heard? Henry's dead.
1483
01:26:31,519 --> 01:26:35,256
-Hi, Vic, how are you?
-Hey.
1484
01:26:35,256 --> 01:26:36,382
Henry? I got it!
1485
01:26:52,273 --> 01:26:55,504
Henry, this is the briefcase
with the money.
1486
01:26:58,379 --> 01:27:01,246
-Vic, Henry, they're here!
-Where?
1487
01:27:02,283 --> 01:27:03,272
Mr. Perkins!
1488
01:27:03,451 --> 01:27:05,351
It's being over five minutes.
1489
01:27:09,490 --> 01:27:11,185
"Brerfcurse"!
1490
01:27:12,360 --> 01:27:13,384
-What?
-What?
1491
01:27:18,333 --> 01:27:21,234
Awesome, it's Iike seeing
some Tarantino movie.
1492
01:27:30,411 --> 01:27:33,209
Happy birthday to
1493
01:27:34,382 --> 01:27:35,406
Brerfcurse!
1494
01:27:37,318 --> 01:27:39,218
Looks Iike we'II aII be going
to the morgue.
1495
01:27:43,491 --> 01:27:45,425
Make a wish, honey.
1496
01:27:46,461 --> 01:27:47,428
Drop it!
1497
01:27:51,266 --> 01:27:53,257
They're reaI buIIets, everybody.
1498
01:27:55,503 --> 01:27:57,232
Run!
1499
01:28:00,241 --> 01:28:01,265
What the heII is going on?
1500
01:28:24,232 --> 01:28:25,324
-Great party, Henry.
-Thanks.
1501
01:28:27,468 --> 01:28:30,369
He's got a gun.
1502
01:28:32,407 --> 01:28:34,204
-Let's go!
-Go, go, go!
1503
01:28:34,309 --> 01:28:35,401
I'm a cop!
1504
01:28:40,281 --> 01:28:41,407
I'm a cop!
1505
01:28:46,254 --> 01:28:47,414
Let's go!
1506
01:28:49,257 --> 01:28:50,315
-Run!
-Hurry!
1507
01:28:52,360 --> 01:28:55,386
Henry, I changed my mind.
I want to go to BarceIona.
1508
01:29:01,202 --> 01:29:02,430
It's not BarceIona, it's Greece.
1509
01:29:03,471 --> 01:29:05,200
Greece?
1510
01:29:05,373 --> 01:29:09,241
I aIways wanted to go to Greece.
It's my dream.
1511
01:29:12,447 --> 01:29:14,176
-I Iove you.
-I Iove you too.
1512
01:29:19,320 --> 01:29:21,379
Let's get down
through the back stairs. Come on!
1513
01:29:26,294 --> 01:29:27,386
My fish!
1514
01:29:43,311 --> 01:29:47,338
I need backup. Send heIp.
Send the Swat team, send anybody.
1515
01:30:25,319 --> 01:30:27,522
We're Iive at Hoboken, New Jersey,
where a vioIent shooting...
1516
01:30:27,522 --> 01:30:29,387
has Ieft three men dead.
1517
01:30:29,490 --> 01:30:33,256
VasiIe ZoIton, suspected Romanian
crime syndicated boss...
1518
01:30:33,327 --> 01:30:35,263
was one of the three men
found dead...
1519
01:30:35,263 --> 01:30:37,254
in the apartment
of Henry and CaroI Perkins.
1520
01:30:37,398 --> 01:30:40,231
Detective Dennis Slater
is the officer who crack the case.
1521
01:30:40,334 --> 01:30:41,426
Detective Slater,
how did you do it?
1522
01:30:41,502 --> 01:30:43,470
l cannot comment
on the particuIars of this case.
1523
01:30:44,305 --> 01:30:45,273
Are you watching
what I'm watching?
1524
01:30:45,273 --> 01:30:47,308
On a personal note
white sIavery is wrong...
1525
01:30:47,308 --> 01:30:49,367
sex toys should be
for aduIts onIy...
1526
01:30:49,510 --> 01:30:52,502
and drugs kill as is evidenced
by this ghastIy occurrence.
1527
01:30:53,347 --> 01:30:57,249
Hey, Iisten, I spoke to the broke.
He said we give him cash.
1528
01:30:57,518 --> 01:30:59,349
What the heII is this?
1529
01:31:00,488 --> 01:31:02,285
Perkins!
1530
01:31:03,291 --> 01:31:06,283
Perkins!
1531
01:31:31,285 --> 01:31:33,254
Henry, you're the man.
1532
01:31:33,254 --> 01:31:34,489
I toId you, Vic.
1533
01:31:34,489 --> 01:31:37,291
Yeah, but, CaroI, I'm sorry you missed
your fIight to Greece.
1534
01:31:37,291 --> 01:31:39,460
Who needs Greece
when we're on Paradise?
1535
01:31:39,460 --> 01:31:42,258
-Hey, can I see it, honey?
-Yeah, come on.
1536
01:31:43,264 --> 01:31:44,322
"VoiIá".
1537
01:31:44,432 --> 01:31:45,399
CaroI!
1538
01:31:46,367 --> 01:31:48,267
Lower your hand, honey.
1539
01:31:50,304 --> 01:31:51,430
Come on, baby.
1540
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
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