Original subtitles

(CLICKING)

If you don't speak English, I think we're all in a lot oftrouble.

NARRA TOR: Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry,

the two most successful outlaws in the history of the West.

And in all the trains and banks they robbed,

they never shot anyone.

This made our two Iatter-day Robin Hoods very popular

with everyone but the railroads and the banks.

CURRY: There's one thing we gotta get, Heyes.

HEYES.' What's that?

CURRY: Out of this business.

LOM: The governor can't come flat out and give you amnesty now.

First, you gotta prove you deserve it.

Ah, so all we have to do is just stay out of trouble

till the governor figures we deserve amnesty.

But in the meantime, we'll still be wanted.

LOM: Well, that's true.

Till then, only you, me and the governor will know about it.

It'II be our secret.

CURRY: I sure wish the governor would let a few more people

in on our secret.

NARRATOR: Alias Smith and Jones,

starring Pete Duel and Ben Murphy.

McCREEDY: Howdy.

Good afternoon, Mr. McCreedy.

Hello.

Howdy, Mr. McCreedy. Howdy.

Hey there, Mr. McCreedy.

Hello, Blake. Come on in, I'II buy you a drink.

Sure thing.

Nice to see you, Mr. McCreedy. You, too, Blake.

Well...

Business pretty good last night?

Very good, Mr. McCreedy. Very good.

I think he could use another one.

I think we could use one, too.

Whenever you have time, of course.

Soon as Mr. McCreedy's finished.

Just pick up the other bottle.

The one for the poor folks, there, and pour.

We'll come down and fetch it.

If you two boys would be a bit more patient, you just might get them glasses filled.

Blake, I want to talk to you about them Brahma bulls that you saw last week.

Hey, you!

Me? BLAKE: Yeah, you.

You looking for a little trouble, maybe?

No. Just looking for a drink.

I think I found it.

Well, that ain't all you found.

It ain't?

No, it ain't.

I figure, when a man goes looking for trouble, someone ought to oblige him.

You're right. You're absolutely right.

We're not looking for trouble.

BLAKE: I'm talking to your friend here, not you.

Now, I don't Iike the way you got them two drinks.

You broke the rules, for one thing. Bartender here's supposed to pour them.

Well, now, we don't Iike the way we got them either,

but when you're road sore and thirsty, you gotta do the best you can.

Put it down. On the bar.

What?

I said put it down.

Now, you'll drink when Ernie here pours you a drink and not before.

That's the rules ofthe house.

Well, you can ask Mr. McCreedy here. He owns the place.

That's right, boys. That's the rules ofthe house.

The bartender pours the drinks here.

Just how thirsty are you?

I hate to admit it, but I'm very thirsty.

Why don't you... You just send Ernie on down here and we'll let him pour our drinks.

How's that? It's fine.

Just as soon as Ernie gets finished up here.

Mr. McCreedy, I'II pay for the next few rounds.

McCREEDY: Oh, thanks.

(GUN FIRES)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Hmm.

How much we owe you?

(McCREEDY LAUGHING)

Nothing, boys. In fact, pour yourselves another drink on me.

Thank you. I believe we will.

Forget it, Blake. Do you hear me?

That was just for fun,

just good, clean fun. Now it's all over. You understand?

You shouldn't have pushed it that far.

Sure thing, Mr. McCreedy.

Hope you boys don't hold any grudge against Blake.

He's just trying to build himself up with me,

trying just a bit too hard.

No. Grudges are for people with bad stomachs. Ours are in good shape.

Yeah, I'd say they are at that.

Just passing through?

We're looking for work.

What kind?

Any kind. Long as it ain't permanent or hard on the back.

You couldn't use any dealers here, could you?

No. Got myself a couple of dealers.

Play poker, do you?

No, Mr. McCreedy. Not at the moment.

Well, you wouldn't Iike these games here. $50 is a big night.

The real game's at my ranch every Saturday night, ends Sunday morning.

If you got $10,000 for a buy-in, you'd be right welcome.

That's a generous compliment, sir.

If we had $10,000 right now, I don't think we'd risk it at a poker table.

Now, that I'm glad to hear.

No, Sheriff, I ain't got no idea who they might be, but that gun is in his hand for...

Now, you know that I ain't bad myself.

But that gun is in hand just Iike that.

Well, look here what they done.

And Ijust thinkthat you ought to just check 'em out, that's all.

Mmm-hmm.

AII right. I'II try to get a good look at them sometime today and then

I'II go through my files and see what I've got.

I've been looking for a couple of good men Iike you fellows for a long time.

How'd you Iike to make some big money?

Mr. McCreedy, that question is usually followed by an invitation to rob the bank.

I own the bank.

37% of it anyway.

Or hold up the railroad?

I'm a major stockholder.

Ranch war?

There ain't any. I won it.

What's your proposition?

I want to recover some stolen property.

What is it?

A few years back, I took myself over to Europe and bought up

a bunch of stuff, you know, that looked pretty.

Began to dress up the ranch a little.

And there was this head of Caesar

that some fellow made back in the 17005 or something.

One ofthem famous Italian artists.

I Iiked that piece of stone.

Well, what happened to it?

Stole.

Stole right out of my house.

Not by someone in this town?

No.

Mexican fellow on the other side ofthe border

named Armendariz.

What'd he do with it?

Nothing. He just kept it.

If you two could get it back for me.

You said big money, Mr. McCreedy?

$10,000. That's what I paid for it,

and that's what I'II pay to get it back.

That's a lot of money.

I know it is.

And he wouldn't be paying all that money if it was as easy as he tells it.

Now, everybody isn't as Iarcenous as you are, Heyes.

True. Some people got it really bad.

Oh...

What do you want?

What? Oh, we just want to have a little friendly conversation.

Oh, boy, look how you sliced that poor man's holster right off.

I ain't armed now.

Put your arms down. Oh, come on, now.

Ifthere's anything I can't stand it's a man who holds a grudge.

What do you figure it would cost to have this thing fixed?

About a dollar?

I don't know. Might cost more than that.

Is there some place where we can have it fixed?

Yeah, it's... A place right over there.

I'II tell you what. While we're having it fixed,

why don't we go and have a drink.

Drink? Yeah.

Now that suits me.

Right next to that Ieather place there's a good old wine store.

(LAUGHING)

BLAKE: Bandit?

Armendariz ain't no bandit.

He's only owns the biggest ranch there is the other side ofthe Rio Grande.

There ain't anybody McCreedy hadn't made that offer to.

$1o,ooo, right?

CURRY: Uh-huh.

(BLAKE LAUGHING)

BLAKE: Well, I know four boys that tried it.

Three ofthem ain't been heard from since,

and the fourth one's still trying to heal up.

Two hundred men work for Armendariz.

He's a grandee, boys, a gentleman.

He's always having a fiesta or something with that statue of Caesar

sitting right in the middle ofthe main room on display.

Two hundred men?

At the very least.

Real tough, real Ioyal.

And they all know that McCreedy wants his statue back.

Fiesta? Lots of people?

$10,000 really isn't a lot of money.

And when Armendariz ain't having a fiesta,

he keeps that statue in the biggest, strongest safe.

Safe?

That's right. Solid steel and weighs a ton.

Imagine, just Iike in a bank.

Made in Philadelphia, shipped her all the way out here.

Philadelphia? Oh, imagine that.

Well, thank you for filling us in.

Goodness.

Wait a minute, now.

You sure you're not gonna get into trouble for telling us all this with McCreedy?

Mister, the whole town knows all this.

I didn't tell you nothing you couldn't get from him right over there.

Well, Iike I said before, I'm sorry about the holster.

To tell you the truth, it's a real pleasure to know a man

who can shoot that good.

Oh, he ain't that good.

He was aiming for your belly.

You sure we ain't gonna mess up our amnesty doing this?

No, no, no. Recovery of stolen property, that's a legal enterprise.

Even though we gotta sneak onto a place and crack a safe to do it?

Well, the safe's in Mexico, ain't it?

Uh-huh.

Okay, the governor, all he said was that

we just gotta build up a nice, clean, Iaw-abiding record

and recovering stolen property from across the river,

that can only help, not hurt.

You know, Heyes... What?

Your silvery tongue and your quick mind have convinced me.

Okay. Boys.

Pete, say hello to Joshua Smith and Thaddeus Jones.

Howdy. Boys, want you to meet Mr. Peterson.

He's my partner here at the bank.

How do you do? How do you do?

Pat here has told me all about you two.

Now, ifthere's anything I can do to help you boys, you just let me know.

Saturday night, same as usual?

Be sure you bring your own money, Pete.

(LAUGHING)

Well, boys, made up your mind about my offer?

We checked around a little.

That job you told us about, that's a little harder than you Iet on, Mr. McCreedy.

Well, that's why the price is so high.

Well, it's not high enough.

Now, maybe if we were talking about $20,000.

That's robbery!

Well, now, ain't that what we're talking about?

Of course, if you can find somebody else, we'll forget it.

Hmm. Tell you what I'II do.

I'II pay you $20,000 under one condition.

What's that?

That you sit it on my Saturday poker game

and give me a sporting chance to win a little of it back.

You mind if we talk together for a minute?

Go right ahead.

You know now,

with a $10,000 buy-in, there ain't gonna be any amateurs in that game.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Saturday night to Sunday morning. That's along 12 hours.

Now, you figure you could kind of play it close so you don't lose too much?

I figure I could play it close, I might even not win too much.

You know, Heyes,

your silvery tongue, it's done it again.

It's adeal. Hmm.

I knew the very minute I Iaid eyes on you boys

that Iife in this town was getting ready to perk up.

Now, you just let me know when you get that bust, you hear?

We got one condition, Mr. McCreedy.

Yeah? What's that?

If we get that thing back for you, nobody knows about it.

Done!

Ooh. Hey, Kid.

Where do you think we ought to go on that $20,000?

Well, I figure we ought to go to Mexico and get it first.

(CLICKING)

If you don't speak English, I think we're all in a lot oftrouble.

Oh, I...

(HEYES SHUSHING)

I speak English good.

That's good. That's real good.

You stand up, quiet Iike.

(CLICKING)

(WHISPERING) Heyes, sun will be up in a half hour.

You got about 10 more minutes to open that up, or we're gonna forget it.

(WHISTLES)

It ain't easy, Kid, is it?

It's downright heartbreaking, Heyes.

CURRY: Heyes, you know you got about five seconds to swing this door closed.

(CRASHING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(MEN SHOUTING IN SPANISH)

PETERSON: Pair ofjacks bets.

Well, you didn't play it Iike you got a king in the hole.

So, I'II make it $500.

$500.

$2,000 better.

Oh, well, that finishes me.

(CHUCKLING)

Call the raise. Raise to be in, $10,000.

The most you can have are three jacks there, Mr. McCreedy.

That's an awful lot of money to find out if I'm bluffing.

HEYES: $1o,ooo,

and $8,200 more.

That is, if you really want to see.

Yep.

I'd really Iike to see.

I know it doesn't seem likely,

but there's that fourth ace.

A pair ofjacks. Just enough to win.

Enough to what?

Just enough to win.

Son... No. Just a minute. Hold on.

He's right. He's absolutely right.

(LAUGHING)

You have a complaint?

No, just a straight.

Right. So I win.

No. Not in my book you don't win. A straight beats a pair.

Fortunately for me, we're not playing by your book.

Pete, go get the Hoyle and read it to him.

(PETERSON LAUGHING)

(HUMMING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh, here we are.

"Neither a straight or a flush

"is played in the game of Stud Poker

"unless the same is declared before the beginning ofthe game."

Anybody hear it declared?

Look, I want to be fair. Did you hear it declared?

No, I didn't hear it declared. I've never heard of this rule, either.

Which, I suppose, is what you figured on, huh, Mr. McCreedy?

Well, I have to admit that I...

I wondered if it might not come up.

You don't mind if we check somebody else's Hoyle, do you?

Nope. That's been the rule in every edition since 1857.

But I got to admit, very few people have ever heard of it.

Come on, now. You walked in here all by yourselves,

so I'II give you this,

and you can get on your way, out of town. Okay?

Thank you. We can use this.

McCREEDY: Well, I figured you could use it.

No use you sitting around feeling bad.

Gentlemen.

Well, we'll see each other some time again.

I don't think that's real likely.

(LAUGHING)

Well, thanks again, boys. Best time I've had in years.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Well, well. I thought you boys would be long gone by now.

Well, we don't have enough money to leave town yet, Mr. Peterson.

Oh, that's too bad.

Hey, you know, I owe you fellows an apology.

I mean, for Iaughing Iike that, you know.

Actually, I would've Iaughed just as loud if McCreedy was falling into it.

I mean, it was such a beautiful thing to watch.

You understand?

Yeah, sure. We understand.

Mr. Peterson,

when we first met, you said ifthere was anything you could ever do for us,

that we should stop around.

And I meant that.

Well, here we are.

Well, good. You just sit yourself down here

and tell me exactly what it is that I can do for you.

Well, now.

(BOTH MUTTERING)

We need some money. ...to borrow some money.

Oh, you want a grub stake? Sure, sure. You can have that,

and send it back to me anytime.

Now, Mr. Peterson, we'd Iike to borrow some money.

From the bank.

Oh? Oh, well, you do. How much?

$20,000.

(COUGHS)

$20,000?

$20,000.

Oh, now.

Look, fellows, I mean, a banker doesn't go around

just handing out $20,000 just Iike that, you know.

You got any collateral?

No.

No collateral?

No.

And you want to borrow $20,000.

But you don't have any collateral?

You want to borrow 20...

Thanks, Jim.

(DOOR OPENING)

PETERSON: Well, good evening, Pat.

Ah, Pete.

Well, I heard you fellows were still in town.

That's right.

Just kind of wondering why.

We decided you owed us a rematch, Mr. McCreedy.

Well, I'II be glad to oblige you boys

anytime you can come up with the buy in.

We have.

You have what?

We've come up with the buy in.

$10,000?

No. Twenty.

Where'd you get a hold of $20,000?

Well, now, I don't recall asking where you got yours.

Well, Ijust happen to own most ofthis town...

(STUTTERING) Just cool down.

Pat, they got it and they got it honestly. You can take my word for that.

Well, no rematch today, fellows.

You see, we got eight players here, and that's a regular amount for poker.

No room for anymore.

I'd hate to leave town without getting another shot at you.

Oh, that's a real shame.

Well, fellows, it's game time.

It's game time, men.

(TOASTING IN SPANISH)

Mr. McCreedy?

Yep.

How much of a sport are you?

Well, I don't run very easy. Why?

You'd be willing to put $20,000 on one hand to showdown?

Well, showdown is a game for plungers.

You see, I don't Iike the odds.

I'm a gambler, but I Iike a little skill in my games.

What do you think ofthis proposition, then?

What do you think the odds are against this?

You take a fresh deck, you shuffle it,

you deal me 25 cards,

and I make five pat hands from those 25 cards.

What do you think the odds are against my doing that?

Oh, I'd say 100-to-1, 1,000-to-1...

I don't think I can rightly calculate that.

I got $20,000 says I can do it.

How much do I have to put up?

$20,000. Even bet.

If you don't take that bet, Pat, Iwill!

Never mind.

Now, you say that Ideal you 25 cards and you make five pat hands?

Is that the bet? HEYES: That's it.

Okay. You got yourself a deal, son.

$20,000.

AII right.

Any deck?

Any deck.

Hank, pick one.

One, two, three...

Twenty-four, twenty-five.

AII right.

Okay.

HAYES: Hearts.

Spades.

And now we're flushed.

Hearts. Spades.

Now, let's see.

Full house.

HAYES: Another full house.

Here's straight.

Flush, flush. Full house, full house.

Straight.

That's five.

You knew about this, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah. They demonstrated it for me.

Works nine times out often.

And you Ioaned them the money?

Come on, Pat. You got him on that Hoyle rule.

Ijust couldn't resist waiting around for the return match.

(PETERSON LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

You guys are all right. If I didn't hate your guts so much,

I'd have you stay here and work for me!

It's all yours, boys! Take it!

AII right. That's pretty good.

No, this is mine.

Oh, yes.

You know, I'm glad you're so friendly about this,

'cause we're right back where we started from.

$20,000.

No. No, no, no. You see, now it's 1-to-1. It's a tie.

Now, you just give me one more chance.

You stick around till next Saturday, huh?

Well, I'II have to talkthat over with my partner here, you know.

We'll let you know tomorrow. AII right? Good night.

It'Il be all right with him.

(ALL SINGING)

Bartender! Another one right here.

Hey. hey. hey, hey.

CURRY: Come on, Ernie, pour some more drinks! Rule ofthe house!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(HUMMING)

Hey, what...

You guys got... What... Hold it.

Hold on, you guys got the wrong guys.

The man you injured in the fight

is still unconscious, which is unfortunate.

He is the only man here who can identify you.

Identify us? What do you mean?

He was on guard duty when you stole the bust of Caesar from my safe.

He saw you quite clearly.

Not us, Señor Armendariz.

Not us. Yes, you.

Some of my men asked questions in the town where you arrived a few days ago.

I am satisfied that you are the ones.

So, we can wait until my man regains consciousness,

or you can tell me now where you have hidden the sculpture.

Well then, I guess we're just gonna have to wait, 'cause we didn't steal it.

We still didn't steal it.

(GRUNTS)

Now,

what have you done with the sculpture?

(EXCLAIMS) We heard about that bust.

Heard it didn't belong to you.

Oh?

Well, perhaps I'm using the wrong tactics.

That bust belongs to me.

You know, we might be able to help you if we really believed that.

Oh, it is quite true.

You know, seven years ago,

the river, as it sometimes will, change course,

and left 70,000 acres of my ranch on the American side.

Señor McCreedy took legal claim on the land, as I expected.

When the river changed again, I would get it back.

But...

Señor McCreedy took a very peculiar action.

He sold the land.

He sold it to one of my own countrymen, as I learned last year

when the river changed course again.

I had to pay $50,000 to gain possession of my land again.

So I... I took Señor McCreedy's bust to

balance the scales a little.

It has become one of my most valued possessions.

And I want to know what you have done with it.

Could I talk to my friend? Alone?

Oh, certainly.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

He knows what we did with the bust. He's got to.

Even if he doesn't, what do we owe McCreedy?

He did his best to steal the money he paid us.

We got it back again.

Yeah.

But Armendariz knows what we did with the bust.

Then why is he asking?

I don't know. I vote we tell him.

I vote we tell him if he lets us go.

If he lets us go immediately.

Señor!

We might be able to help you out.

If you can Iend us a pair of horses.

Why should I bargain with you,

who came here, broke into my house, opened my safe

and stole one of my most prized possessions?

Why should we help you if you don't bargain with us?

Would you Iike me to demonstrate why?

No! No, I've had that demonstration, thank you.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Do you understand Spanish, gentlemen?

No. But I understand that.

We stole the bust. McCreedy hired us, we gave it to him.

And what has he done with it?

I don't know.

We've been at his ranch. He hasn't got it there.

Thank you, gentlemen.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

I am going to Iend you two horses and let you go free.

Do you know why?

Because we told the truth?

No. That would not have saved you.

Because you opened my safe and took nothing

but the object you thought belonged to the man who hired you.

If it were not for that, you would both be spending the rest of your lives

in a Mexican prison.

McCREEDY: Hey, good morning, boys.

Oh, Mr. McCreedy.

Hold up there a minute.

Well...

You weren't planning on leaving, were you?

Yes, sir. We are planning on leaving, Mr. McCreedy.

We thought it over... I Iike poker.

I'm even good at it, but...

Well, sitting down playing poker with you and your friends,

that's just plain gambling.

We got $10,000 apiece and we're gonna hold on to it Iike our lives depended on it.

You boys owe me another shot.

VVhy?

We're even. You said so yourself.

Sure, but you owe me another shot.

Who ever heard of a poker game ending in atie?

Well, you just played one that did.

Hey!

You boys ain't leaving today.

Now, just step over here so we can talk.

I don't know who you boys are, but I never saw anybody handle a gun Iike you do.

And I got a suspicion that you're the one that opened Armendariz's safe

without so much as a fire cracker.

So, now you either play poker with me next Saturday,

or I tell that man up there, that driver,

"Just hold it, and I'II go talk to the Sheriff."

'Cause I got a notion he's got a nice description of you two

buried somewhere in his files.

Big Mac, you wouldn't do athing Iike that.

No?

Just set a foot in that stagecoach and watch me.

Hey, you fellows coming aboard?

No, I don't guess so.

Have a nice trip.

Giddap!

Well, boys, before we get started, I got something to show you. A surprise.

A surprise?

Pat, you got it back.

Hey, how'd you get it, Pat?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Did you buy it back?

I got it back the same way that Armendariz got it.

Well, howdy, boys.

Sorry, I couldn't wait. But...

But what's the difference? You're leaving tomorrow.

There's no stage tomorrow, Mr. McCreedy.

Well, the day after.

Let's get on with the game.

Time's getting Iate.

Pat, we got nine players here. Which one of us is gonna sit out, huh?

Nine? Well, l'll be...

We usually have two extras, but some ofthe boys don't show up.

I guess we got a problem here.

No, no, you don't. We'll leave. We don't really care about playing tonight anyway.

Oh, but I do.

I'II sit out, Pat.

Yes... No, no. Hold on.

I got a better idea.

You Iike to make large, quick bets. I got one for you.

Now, you shuffle the deck real good and Iay it on the table.

And I'II bet you the whole bundle, $20,000,

that I can cut the ace of spades on the first try.

Would you pass up a bet Iike that?

Not with a straight deck I wouldn't.

Use any deck you Iike.

Your own, if you brought one.

No, no, no. I'd take you at your word, Mr. McCreedy. I believe you, I mean...

If you say that's a straight deck, I'd stake my Iife on it

that that's a straight deck.

Here, take my seat.

Thank you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Once more.

I cut the ace of spades in one try. Right?

Right.

There you are, Mr. Smith. I cut the ace of spades on the first try.

No, you didn't, Mr. McCreedy.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Sit down.

Tie them.

Señor Armendariz.

Hiya.

I am a believer in omens, Señor McCreedy.

There is precisely $40,000 here, and the bust is worth $10,000.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

We are now truly even, for the first time.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

And...

Do not send any more men to my rancho, Señor.

I hope you understand exactly what I mean by that.

Gentlemen.

McCREEDY: (STAMMERING) AII right! AII right!

I'II make it $30,000, and no strings attached, hmm?

What do you say, boys?

$35,000, hmm? $40,000?

Boys, you need the money.

Well, you know what that Armendariz is gonna be saying down there.

What with the Caesar's bust to prove it.

Now, God damn it!

CURRY: Well, he seemed Iike a pretty honest man to me.

And when he said we knew what he meant, well, I knew what he meant.

Didn't you, Mr. Smith?

Yes, sir, Mr. Jones. I know exactly what he meant. I believed him, too.

Now, boys, you're gonna do this for me.

If you don't do this, I'II go talk to the Sheriff.

That won't work.

'Cause all we do is take the job, Mr. McCreedy.

Once we cross the river, we'd vanish.

(MARSHALLING)

$50,000!

Did I hear him say $50,000?

Yep. You heard him say $50,000.

That's what I thought I heard him say.

God damn it, don't you hear me? $50,000!

Mr. McCreedy! Mr. McCreedy!

Are those two fellows you were dealing with on that coach? Yeah.

Well, I've got to stop them. I think I know who they are.

I think that's Kid Curry and Hannibal Heyes.

You got any pictures ofthem boys, Sheriff?

Ain't nobody got any pictures.

But I got these description ofthem on these flyers.

No, no, Sheriff, you're wrong.

L'm right!

No, you're wrong.

Well, how do you know?

Well, Sheriff, Iwasn't going to tell you, but...

That one with the curly hair, you know, Thaddeus Jones, he's my nephew.

Nephew?

Yeah. Fine Iad.

Smith, too. Fine boy.

Sheriff, what do you think the odds are against making five pat hands

out of 25 cards just dealt at random out of a shuffled deck?

Twenty-five cards... Yeah, 25 cards...

(BOTH CHATTERING)