All language subtitles for Adult.Best.Friends.2024.1080p.10bit.WEBRip.6CH.x265.HEVC-PSA_track3_[eng]

♪ ("IS IT MY IMAGINATION"
BY THE JAYNETTS ) ♪

♪ (SINGER VOCALIZING) ♪

♪ My lovely baby ♪

♪ Something has happened to me ♪

♪ It's something strange
And new ♪

♪ I wonder what could it be ♪

♪ Or is this my imagination ♪

♪ Ooh, that keeps on causing ♪

♪ This sweet sensation, oh... ♪

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

(DISTANT CHATTER)

Why are you in here?

Maddie said
the seventh-grade boys

are sneaking over
for a kissing party.

- I know. I'm so nervous.
- Then don't do it.

I'm calling my mom
to pick me up.

You can't. Maddie said
we all have to kiss them.

I don't want to kiss
or wear thong underpants.

I hate thong underpants.

But I'm worried
if I wear normal underpants

and don't kiss and stuff,

then Maddie won't invite me
to sleepovers anymore.

Well, you could sleepover
at mine.

- ♪ ("OFF THE RAILS" BY
WALLICE PLAYING) ♪ - Tonight?

Yeah. I mean, we're not allowed
to watch TV, which sucks,

but we could do braids.
And I have a trundle bed.

I love trundle beds.

Do you have a best friend?

No. You?

No.

♪ Take me downtown
I don't know where to go... ♪

Hello, today,
we're braiding Katie's hair.

- YOUNG KATIE: Yeah!
- ♪ But I don't give a shit ♪

♪ I never try my best
I learn to live with it ♪

♪ I'm doing fine
Stop asking me what's wrong ♪

♪ I live my life
Like I'm the only one... ♪

YOUNG KATIE: Yeah,
so that's Delaney's future.

You are going to be a doctor.

I don't want to be a doctor.

YOUNG DELANEY:
This is Katie's future.

You are going to marry Daniel.

Daniel is so annoying.

♪ I borrowed your car and
Barely made it back ♪

♪ The gas tank was empty
It always had that scratch ♪

♪ I'm doing my best here
But that's not good enough ♪

♪ I'll try harder next year
Don't call my bluff ♪

- (TV STATIC)
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)

DELANEY: Okay.
Read another post.

- Give me a hard one.
- KATIE: Uh... Okay.

"From Seattle to Savannah,

what a long,
strange trip it's been.

Hashtag van life."

- DELANEY: Tom Briar?
- KATIE: How did you know that?

DELANEY: 'Cause Tom Briar
needs to get a job.

- Another one. Get a good one.
- Lemme find a good one. Okay.

Um...

KATIE: (CHUCKLES)
Okay, this one's hard.

DELANEY: Okay.

"Here's to adulting forever
with this one.

He put a ring on it!"
Singular exclamation.

- Sarah Casper.
- You're cheating.

I'm not cheating. I'm that good.

- She's engaged?
- Yeah.

- She's a child.
- She's 32 years old.

Sarah Casper wouldn't throw
it all away for, like,

- some random guy.
- I don't think it's random.

They've been dating
since college.

Do you have any snacks?

- Did you not eat dinner?
- I had peanut butter.

- And what?
- A spoon?

Oh my God,
let me make you something.

I'll just have Saltines
when I get home.

Oh my God, no,
I'll make you, um...

make you a turkey burger.

- I can put poblanos on top.
- What's poblanos?

Oh, it's a giant Mexican pepper.

It's actually
our favorite pepper,

second only to the jalapeño.
You'll love it, I promise.

- It's really good.
- JOHN: Mm.

Mm, I'm fine, thank you.

Well, if you're not hungry,

maybe you want a joke
that I heard today.

- Made me think of you instantly.
- Okay, this is very good.

Okay, so there are two pigs
in a pit of mud.

And... and the wife pig turns
to the husband and says...

No, no, the husband
says to the wife.

You're right. You're right, um,

the... the husband pig
says to the wife,

- "Hey, did you see Farmer..."
- Should we get going?

Party started
at nine o'clock, so...

Oh, you wanna go to that?

- Yeah.
- Really?

My throat feels kind of weird.
I... I feel like...

I don't know,
if I got everyone sick, I...

- You don't feel warm.
- No?

- You're good. No.
- You feel cold.

Do you not want to go?

Is it crazy to stay here?

I mean, we have
food here, blankets here.

I'm comfortable.
You're comfortable.

- We can watch a movie.
- Yeah, but hey, if Katie

doesn't want to go out, Delaney,
I'd love to go out with you.

Please don't make me go alone.

I'm nervous
and I'll get too fucked up.

No, you will not.

- (SNIFFS)
- ♪ (EDM MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Like, she doesn't even
come out anymore

because she's always
with her boyfriend, "John."

I don't know why I did that.
His name is John.

(SOFTLY) John.

John, you think
she's okay, right?

(INHALES DEEPLY) Mm-hmm.

(INHALES) Hmm.

No, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go meet her.

I don't like him.
Is that wrong to say, you know?

Like, if you don't like
your best friend's boyfriend...

It's the way he makes her.
If that makes sense?

- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Occupied.

(INHALES) Uh,
you know what, though?

My... My contacts
are already out.

And that's like a whole thing.
(SIGHS)

Only a year,
and she moves in with him.

Kinda fast, if you ask me.
(SNIFFS)

But nobody asked me.

(WHISPERS) I'm gonna go
meet her for a little.

Okay?

John.

Yes, he's hot.
I get it. I see it.

But he's boring.

- (BANGING ON DOOR)
- Occupied.

- (WHISPERS) I think she's fine.
- (JOHN GROANS)

Yeah. I'll come have sex.

- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- (DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)

KATIE:
How do you have the patience?

Well, we actually
had an agreement

that if I set up his Wi-Fi,

he promised to wear boxers
under his shorts

during our PT sessions.

Oh, well,
that could be worth it.

- It's a give and a take, but...
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

- This looks nice, right?
- Yeah, I like it. In the shade.

- Okay, perfect.
- It's good.

- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Ah, oh... (SIGHS)

Don't suppose I could get you
to call her back, maybe?

She gets so anxious

-when she's hungover.
-Yeah. No, she does. I just, um..

(CLEARS THROAT)

- I just wanted to ask you...
- How was it?

(GROANS) No,
my Uber's now 27 minutes away.

(CHUCKLES) Where are you?

I answered a 2:00 a.m. text
from this guy.

The drunker he got,
the more he talked about Julia.

Not an ex, just a female friend
who he's clearly in love with.

- (LAUGHS) Did you hook up?
- Yes, he asked me to role play.

Wow, like, be a cheerleader
or something? That's...

Oh, I wish.

More like we're best friends

and I suddenly see him
in a new light.

(SNIFFLES) Oh, my God.

I'm gonna order a pizza
to my apartment.

- What do you want?
- Ah, that sounds good.

No, John and I
are doing a... a picnic.

Do you wanna come?

You know what? No.
I'll... I'll just try you later.

- KATIE: Okay. Bye.
- All right. Bye.

Well, she's fine,
but she met a new guy and...

♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- KATIE: Oh, my God.
- It's okay.

- KATIE: No, no, no.
- It's okay. It's okay.

As long as I have
your undivided attention now.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

When I first moved here,

it took me a while
to get adjusted.

Yeah, you were mugged, like,
three times that first week.

Right. Well, I thought everyone
needed directions, but then...

then I met you, and you
actually needed directions.

And I'm so, so glad...

that I walked you
into that coffee shop

because you have made
my life so much better

than I ever thought
that I deserved.

- Will you marry me?
- (KATIE SIGHS)

- Yeah?
- Yeah. (GIGGLES)

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

ROXY: I hate the art
Katie left here.

- It's so gross.
- DELANEY: It's sentimental.

ROXY: Okay, well,
I live here now,

and I like actual art.

Let me just ask Katie
if she wants it

before we throw it away.

Where is Katie?

I feel like she's usually here
by now, like,

complaining about
some ugly house she can't sell.

She's doing a picnic with John.

Like, eating on the ground?

Yeah. I feel so bad for her.

You know, it's like
she misses the party last night,

and now she has to waste
her entire Sunday doing a picnic

- with her boyfriend.
- Can I say something?

I really don't buy John's whole
"I'm such a nice guy" thing.

Like, you're a pervert.

You literally touch
old ladies all day.

That's his job.

He's a physical therapist
for old people.

(SCOFFS)
Katie would fall for a pervert.

I mean, she's clueless.

Remember that time
she got you, like, a briefcase

filled with old papers
for your birthday?

Those are my great-grandparents'
birth certificates.

- Why would you want that?
- She likes thoughtful surprises.

She's exactly like my sister.
(SCOFFS)

She's nothing like your sister.
Mary had one kid,

and now she won't shut up
about her pelvic floor.

Yeah, Mary's the worst.
And her baby isn't even cute.

I can't imagine
having a baby right now.

It's actually disgusting
to have a baby.

- Or getting married.
- Kill me.

(SIGHS) But we're pretty far
from that.

"We", like you and me?

No. Me and Katie.

Delaney, what?

You and Katie
are on totally different paths.

I mean,
Katie lives with her boyfriend.

They're very serious.
And you literally still, like,

fuck the first guy
who shares a cigarette with you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

- (SQUEALS, CHUCKLES)
- JOHN'S RELATIVE: We love you...

- so much.
- We love you. Thank you.

- Oh, thank you. We love...
- JOHN'S RELATIVE: Congratulations.

- you so much. Thank you.
- We cannot wait

to celebrate with you guys.

- JOHN'S RELATIVE: So excited.
- Yeah.

Bye.

I love your family. I love them.

Did you see
your sister was crying?

Yeah. No, it's funny.
She's known for months.

How did I not find this ring?

Oh, the ring was in a box,
in a bin,

in an air vent, in my office.

- You were never finding this.
- Wow.

- That was never...
- And how about Delaney

playing it so cool.

Yeah, no, I didn't tell Delaney.

- (CHUCKLES)
- What?

Oh, well, I figured
you wanted to tell her, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So, Delaney has no idea.

No, but we can call her.
Right now, maybe.

Yeah! Um, let's do...
Let's call her later, though,

'cause I think
she's probably asleep.

No, It's fine. We'll just
call her from my phone.

It'll be a big surprise,
I promise.

- Yeah.
- (DIAL TONE RINGING)

- DELANEY: Hey.
- Hello?

DELANEY:
You can just leave the pizza

at the door and I'll grab it.
Thank you.

(DISCONNECT TONE RINGS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Does she not
have my number saved?

No, she does.

I think she does.

I thought you'd be pretty
excited to tell her.

I am.

I really am. I just wanna...

- tell her later.
- Right.

I know I'm... I'm not
her favorite person.

That is not true, John.
She loves you.

It's just that
she has a hard time with change.

You know, when she was younger,

her parents sold
the family minivan,

and she asked if she could go
visit it at its new house.

Okay. Yeah, that's really sweet
of her to wanna check in on it.

And then remember

when I told her
I was moving out?

She didn't talk to me for, like,

- two weeks.
- JOHN: Mm-hmm.

And whenever I passed her door,

she'd be muttering
"Benedict Arnold."

(SIGHS) Right, but this,
this is a good change.

I know, and I'm so excited,
and I love you so much,

and I... and I cannot wait
to get married.

But I just want to make sure
I tell her in the...

just in the right way for her.

Okay?

ALEX: So, let's parking lot
the holiday campaign

and dig into the meat and taters

of our Spring-Into-Content
campaign.

So this campaign is...
It's going to be a big lift.

So, we really need
to stop the scroll.

We need some big ideas.
We need some blue-sky ideas.

And like, we just like really
need everybody on this.

But I was kind of thinking,
Delaney,

maybe you could run
point for us.

Hmm, I don't... I don't really
have the bandwidth

- for that right now.
- Copy that.

Luca, it's all yours.

Uh, okay! Uh, wow. Yeah,
that is just... that's amazing.

I do just wanna flag
that I'm working overtime

on two major campaigns right now

since Delaney didn't have
the bandwidth last month.

So, it's just kind of all fallen
on my shoulders.

So that's...
that's totally fine.

I just do just want
to flag that.

No, and thank you
for flagging that.

Delaney, do you think
you could maybe, like, carve out

some time
to kind of tag-team it?

Yeah, I gotta flag

that I'm spread
pretty thin over here.

What are you working on,
Delaney?

- Putting out fires.
- What kind of fires?

Big ones with employees
that you don't know.

Right, and is that why
your camera's always off?

Mm, no, my camera's off, Luca,
because it's allowed to be off.

Okay, guys, I think
we should finish up

with a round
of Peaks and Valleys.

So, my valley was missing
last week's happy hour.

ALEX: Never has someone
been so missed.

LUCA: But my peak is that
it's on the books for next week.

Popcorn to Delaney.

I guess my valley was editing
Luca's Q4 pitch.

And then my peak was,
it's done now.

- Popcorn to Alex.
- You know...

my valley was that Ryan
and I hit a speed bump.

Wow!

So, he... he wants to open up
the relationship,

and I just,
I don't think that I have

the sexual confidence
to withstand it.

So, we're taking some time apart
to kind of ideate on next steps.

But, Alex, are you okay?
How are you feeling?

- You know, like I was upset, obviously.
- Of course.

ALEX:
I was really upset for a beat.

But then I had a one-on-one
with my best friend.

You know, we went out,
we got some drinks,

we blew off steam,
just like old times,

just the two of us.

And that like really,
really helped.

Best friends just get it.

Oh, we're so aligned
on that, Luca.

(DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)

HENRY: So,
what was Dad's reaction?

We facetimed him quickly.

Yeah, he was really happy

- for us. Hmm, yeah.
- Yeah!

♪ (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- I mean, not that happy.
- DARIA: Oh, uh...

Come on. He was really excited,
it seemed.

Yeah, or you knew
to call him after five.

Speaking of alcoholics,
how did Delaney take the news?

Um, she was happy, fine, good.

Delaney doesn't know yet.

Katie wanted to tell her
in her own way

- before we told anybody else.
- That is so classic. I, uh..

Do you know that Delaney knew
that our parents

were getting divorced
before I did?

- Is that true?
- HENRY: Yeah.

I mean, uh,
she's my best friend, so...

I think you'd get it
if you had a best friend.

Well, my wife is my best friend.

So, Daria,
who's your best friend?

No, I'd rather not say.

- We're each other's best friends.
- We're each other's...

Yeah. Like normal adults.

- (MUMBLES)
- Delaney loves Katie.

She'll be really happy

- once we tell her.
- John, have you ever heard

of expectation
recalibration therapy?

I was reading an article
about it,

- and I think...
- Excuse me, what article?

- It's an article.
- Where was this article?

In the journals
for doctor being doctors.

Henry, have you been
listening again

to my sessions with my patients?

Anyway,
expectation recalibration

is basically a therapy
where you work to accept

that someone
will never change, right?

Like, they suck,
like, medically.

And in your case,
that's Delaney.

And in our case, it's our dad.

So, I mean, Daria confirmed
that he's a narcissist...

(SCOFFS) I have never
treated your father.

And I've never made
any medical claims about him.

- Excuse me.
- HENRY: But you have.

- I mean, we've talked about it.
- What are you talking about?

- HENRY: You know...
- What are you...

I sent him 20 of my poems
in the past year.

Twenty.

And he never once told me
that I was talented.

Right?

I mean, how hard is it
to reply with a compliment?

How hard is it to like,
you know, just say like a simple.

"Henry, you are
a brilliant artist." Right?

"And it is a crime that you have
to edit other people's

much weaker novels
instead of traveling the world

"on your own book tour." Right?

He is selfish, Katie,
and so is Delaney.

Yeah, I hear you, um...

I don't think Delaney's selfish.

I think she has a hard time
with change.

Daria was treating our neighbor
the other day...

- Henry!
- HENRY: No, he's a total freak, Daria.

- I mean, he gets off on lizards.
- Oh my God.

Wait. Did he say blizzards
or it was lizards?

- It was lizards, right?
- He said lizards.

He gets off on lizards,

and his wife wants
to divorce him, clearly.

And Daria said something
that I think applies here.

Tell them the thing
about the change.

Oh, well, you know,
uh, people's nerves

about change, they can be
calmed by the familiar.

So, you take them
to a comfortable environment

and you break the news.

It's kind of like
you take your kids

to their favorite ice cream shop

and tell them
you're getting a divorce.

I mean, I think that's something

that you should consider
with Delaney.

I mean, she's about as mature
as an eight-year-old,

so... (CHUCKLES)

I've seen her hork down a pint
of Chubby Hubby in one sitting,

- so we know she likes ice cream.
- (DARIA SIGHS)

Yeah.

ANNOUNCER: (ON TV)
In our latest episode of...

That's not a real basketball.

Third from the left is cake.

You know, I decided
I don't even want cake

at my birthday this year.

I actually think
it's really weird to, like,

bring out food
and then make people eat it.

- Did you find a bar yet?
- I think I'm gonna do it here.

I'm going for
a very specific aesthetic,

- so if you could not invite...
- Oh, no!

I thought you'd be asleep.

Katie, I didn't know
you still had a key.

KATIE: Uh, Delaney said I
could keep one for emergencies.

What's the emergency?

Um, well, this time it's not
so much an emergency,

really, as it is, um,
a surprise for my best friend.

Uh, man, I had actually had
this whole thing planned.

That I was gonna sneak in
and like

put clues around the apartment,
but, okay, whatever.

Since you're awake,
I'll just show you now.

(EXCLAIMS, CHUCKLES)

What the fuck is that?

I planned us
a mini beach vacation.

You don't seem excited.

What's there to be
excited about, Katie?

- It's the beach.
- I'm excited. I really am, um...

And that poster is, that's
your most thoughtful gift yet.

- Do you see the umbrella?
- DELANEY: I see the umbrella.

You know these trips
can be kind of weird for me.

Is John at least
bringing a friend?

No, no, John's not coming.

- Why?
- Yeah, why?

No reason. I just thought
it would be great

for the two of us
to go on a trip, connect,

- have some quality time.
- Like old times?

Yes, yes, just like old times.

ROXY: Ew.

♪ ("LOVE ME FOREVER"
BY JOHN MATARAZZO PLAYING) ♪

♪ Kiss me once, girl
Kiss me twice, girl ♪

♪ You're sugar and spice, girl
And everything nice, girl ♪

♪ Love me forever ♪

♪ And I'll be ♪

♪ True to you, girl... ♪

- All right, there we go.
- Nice.

We're here.

What time is check-in
at the Pelican Palace?

Surprise.

We aren't staying
at the Pelican Palace.

What?

Yeah, I got us a... I got us
a rental house, actually,

- on Wonder Weekend.
- Mm-hmm.

Wonder Weekend rentals
kind of creep me out.

I don't like the idea of using

other people's
kitchen appliances.

But you're okay
sleeping in a bed

where a bunch of high-schoolers
just rounded the bases?

But the Pelican Palace
is where all the parties end up.

I know. Imagine that noise.
Wouldn't sleep a frickin' wink.

Is there a bar?

What, at the rental house?

Is it a shared space or private?

Private.

And there's a lockbox,

so we don't even have
to meet the guy.

- You found it!
- (SIGHS)

Gosh, GPS can be
a little wonky here,

so I'm so glad
you guys figured it out.

How we doing?

Are you, uh...

Are you, uh, Douglas?

Are you my fifth-grade teacher?
Just Dougie's fine. Yeah.

I... I just asked
because the listing had said

that there was a lockbox,

so I didn't think
we'd get to meet.

Here she is.

Yeah. I love to walk everyone
through the space first,

only 'cause,

it's a really important
place to me.

- Aw!
- DOUGIE: It was my mom's.

She, uh, she died here.

Oh, gosh. No.
Not in the front yard.

- Oh! (CHUCKLES)
- DOUGIE: She died inside.

Katie, right?
So you must be Delaney.

- Yeah.
- Love that name. Family name?

- It was my grandfather's.
- Oh my gosh.

I was named
after my mom's brother.

(SIGHS) We don't talk to him
anymore. He's a...

He's a pedophile, so...

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, no, no.

He was always cool
with me, yeah. (CHUCKLES)

But, uh, called a lot, you know,
when he was doing time.

Yeah. I guess inmates are, like,
really hard on child predators.

I didn't mind saying hi then,
but once he got out

and started coming here
unannounced... Oh my God.

I keep talking and talking.

You guys probably
just want to see inside, right?

- Pretty cute, huh?
- I love it.

Yeah, Mom left the place
to me and my sister,

but Lauren has a family now,

so she let me keep it
all to myself.

- Ah, score.
- Yeah.

Oh, all the art
on the wall is for sale.

KATIE: Oh.

(SIGHS)

- What little munchkin did these?
- I am an artist.

Yeah, well, technically
my day job is medical sales,

but I've been working
my tush off and...

Is there a Wi-Fi password?

Uh, yeah.

It was in the welcome pamphlet
that I sent over.

'Cause guests
are really supposed to read

the pamphlet
before they check in.

- So... But it's okay.
- Oh!

I have a spare
set of rules, right here.

Oh, perfect.

Oh, I also threw in
my favorite local spots.

- You girls hot dog fans?
- Dingo's dogs.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, um, we know it.

We used to come here
when we were little.

- Fun.
- Yeah.

- Sisters?
- Best friends.

DOUGIE: I love best friends.

Any big plans
for best friends night?

Um, I think we'll probably
hang here, make a cheese plate.

You get plenty
of cheese at home.

Um, I thought
we could go to a bar.

I mean, I brought a lot
of orange wine

- for us to drink here.
- DOUGIE: Oh!

That's a no.

- What is?
- No alcohol on the premises.

That's ridiculous.

Um, what she means
is we were really just

gonna have a glass or two?

Yeah, no exception to the rules.

Was it just a quick skim
of the welcome email?

'Cause no shoes
is also a big one.

I can't sleep
with the sound of stomping.

I thought
this was a private space.

Yeah, the upstairs
is your private domain.

(CHUCKLES) I hang my hat
in the subterranean domicile.

I live in the basement.

- What are you doing?
- A pedophile has this address.

Okay, well,
it's a good thing we're adults.

I look young.

(UTENSILS CLATTERING)

This is what happens

when you stray from places
you know and love.

Your mom got staph
at the Pelican Palace.

(SIGHS)
The Pelican Palace is fun.

They keep beers
in the ice machine.

- You prefer dirty ice?
- Over a literal death bed? Yeah.

Okay. I put a lot of effort
into planning this trip,

and I would like
if we could at least relax

and try to connect,
enjoy ourselves,

appreciate where we are.

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- KATIE: (CHUCKLING) Ow!

(SHUSHES)

(WATER RUNNING)

- Cameras? What the hell?
- What?

Remember when I worked
at Urban Outfitters?

All right, those cameras
aren't even on.

People just see 'em
and are less likely to steal.

Do you see
any ironic coffee table books

for sale here? 'Cause I don't.

Dougie isn't
warding off shoplifters.

He's watching us
to get his rocks off.

He is not camped out
in front of the monitor

with his hands down his pants.

He's nice.

No, no.

I'm not staying here all night
and being one of Dougie's

cheese-eating cam girls, okay?

I'm going to a bar.

- All night at a bar?
- Yeah.

(SHUSHES)

The thing is, though,
if it's loud,

we won't really be able to talk.

We talk all day.

I know, that's a good point.

Yeah, let's go to a bar.

♪ (SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Man, this place
has really changed. (CHUCKLES)

It used to get packed.

I saw this pottery place in town
and they have a morning class

that teaches you how to make
little bowls for your keys.

I kind of was hoping
we'd sleep in.

Yeah, it's not until seven.

Okay.

- Cheers to this weekend.
- Thank you for planning it.

Um...

As you know, we've had so many
great memories here as friends,

and we've crossed
so many milestones together.

And I thought it would be
the perfect place to come

to cross one more.

And I think that
it's the most important thing

we do if we are able
to flourish together,

like two roses, two best friend,
I guess, roses, who um...

- Uh, can I get a beer, please?
- BARTENDER: Yeah.

That guy? Real hot.

- Who?
- The helmet guy.

- Can I get a double whiskey.
- Uh, okay, not why we're here.

Um, okay, so I was saying,

we... we have crossed
so many milestones together

- here as friends...
- He looks like Dennis Fuller.

Ugh, Dennis Fuller,
another loser.

Should I go talk to him?

I'm... I'm in the middle
of saying something, okay?

- Um...
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

- You gonna pick that up?
- I'm gonna call him back.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Uh, I'm gonna be quick.
Don't move.

(SLURPING)

Sorry, uh, had to get
to a quiet place.

- Delaney dragged me to a bar.
- JOHN: You out celebrating?

- Celebrating?
- JOHN: The proposal.

- Katie.
- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It cut out for a sec, um...

Not yet, not yet.

JOHN: You said that you would
tell her by tonight.

No, no, I know.

I was just about to
when you called.

JOHN: Well, Daria sent over
some invitation samples,

and she said we should pick
one by next week.

Okay, yeah, sounds good.

JOHN: I'll send you some
photos, and then you can decide.

Or I can decide and you can send
me photos, as well.

- Ah, whichever.
- CHARLIE: Okay.

- I'll text you later.
- I'll text you later.

- CHARLIE: Love you. Bye.
- Love you. Bye.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- Checking in?
- Uh, you've gotta check in.

KYLE: I'm the social chair
for Sigma Nu.

So, I got to plan
this bachelor party

for my almost bro-in-law.

And I always go big.

Last month,
we had a Naughty Nuns

and a Frisky Friars party.

- Friars are like bald priests.
- Tommy, what do you do?

- Uh, finance.
- (SCOFFS) Okay, humble.

Do you follow crypto?
'Cause he created Apex Coin.

Uh, GQ did vote it

one of their up-and-coming coins
of the year

this year,
but it's not a big deal.

Oh my God. "Anybody can make
this little itty-bitty coin."

Nobody's... "Oh, I'm so sorry."

- Sorry. Hey.
- Hi. Um, I'm Katie.

- PHIL: Hey, Kaylee. Oh my God.
- Should we...

You look exactly like my twins.
Look at this.

(PHIL CHUCKLES)

Is Apex Coin funding
any strippers this weekend?

I don't pay
for intimate experiences.

I do. I wanted one real bad.

I found one online
that's so mean to you.

CHARLIE: Sorry about him.

The legend himself.
It's Charlie.

- DELANEY: Delaney, Katie.
- Nice to meet you. Katie. Again.

Do you think it was a bad idea

to have a college junior
plan my bachelor party?

Uh, we're actually
probably going to head out.

(BOTTLES CLINKING)

Oh, would you actually mind
opening these for us?

All good. I got it.

- CHARLIE: Oh! Nope.
- P-p-p-p-p-p-p party flops!

- Go.
- (LAUGHS) Yep.

You... you didn't want
to use your party flop?

KYLE: You.

- Thank you.
- One beer and we go?

One beer and we go.

(GULPING)

- Let's go.
- Yeah, let's fucking go.

I'm gonna fire up some tunes.
(BEATBOXES, CHUCKLES)

- That smells fucking awful.
- Oh my God, that smells so bad.

Wait, I didn't smell anything.
I didn't... what's it smell like?

(SNIFFS, GROANS)

Yo, did anybody see
a dog walk through here?

Bottle opener
on the bottom of a shoe?

Stop smiling. Stop.

I don't know what kind of moron

walks through dog shit
and has no idea.

He didn't even know
how to get strippers

for a bachelor party.

Well, not all guys
like strippers.

- That one I get.
- Yeah, totally.

- John really doesn't.
- Okay.

John actually
doesn't 'cause he has a sister.

He does?

You've hung out with her,
like, three times.

DELANEY: Oh, right.

Will you open the door?

- You have the key.
- You have the key.

- No.
- I have the key?

- You wanted to carry it.
- I have the key.

I don't have the key.

KATIE: Wh... where'd it go?

It might have fallen
out of my pockets.

- Why can't you carry a purse?
- I'm sorry.

I need to brush my teeth.

We can go back to the bar
and look for them?

No.

- You know what we have to do?
- No.

Yeah.

Sorry again, Dougie.

Uh, It's fine.
I was only asleep for an hour.

- Okay, good. Have a good...
- Oh! (CHUCKLES) Sorry!

Just pop those off for me.

- Oh! Sorry.
- Yeah.

It's just the rules. (CHUCKLES)

Thank you.

- Almost forgot.
- That's fine. Love those flats.

Oops! Sorry.

(SIGHS) Before you go back down
to the basement,

what's the deal
with the cameras?

Oh my gosh.

I had to up my security
after a nightmare renter.

Ever heard of a home birth?

But the cameras
don't actually record.

Oh, no.
They're the real deal, yeah.

No audio, of course,

'cause you need
a permit for that,

and no cameras
in the bedrooms or bathrooms.

- This was all in the...
- In the welcome email, yeah.

Was it just a quick skim?
'Cause we can pop a squat

and look things over
if you want.

- Uh...
- No, we should not pop any squats.

We'd like to go to bed,
and we'd like to watch TV alone.

Do you guys know
how to work the Roku?

Yes, yes.
I saw that in the binder.

She saw the... (CHUCKLES)
I crack myself up.

(SIGHS) I don't have a Roku.

It was a trick question.
You fell right into my trap.

I'm really gonna need you
to do a refresher

on the rules after I leave.

'Kay?

Gonna need a verbal 'kay
from both of you.

(SIGHS) 'Kay.

DOUGIE: Mm?

Okay.

And while I'm at it,

why don't I throw us all
in a group text?

Just in case of emergencies.

Katie, I have your digits,
but, um...

Delaney? (MIMICS
CELL PHONE KEYS CLACKING)

- (NOTIFICATION TONE CHIMES)
- (BIRD CHIRPS)

(YAWNS)

(GROANS)

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- DELANEY: What time is it?
- It's early. Um...

It's really early.
Go back to bed.

DELANEY: Hmm.

I'm gonna, uh...
I'm gonna go get us coffees.

DELANEY: Hmm.

KATIE: It's a matter of privacy.
I don't...

I think it's a little weird
for your friend's wife

to post something
before I, the bride,

have posted anything,
you know? I mean...

JOHN: But you told
Delaney, right?

Yes. Yes, I...

I told her we were engaged. I...

JOHN: Okay. I will ask them
to take it down.

- Okay, yeah.
- JOHN: Yeah.

I just don't want it
up there. Okay.

JOHN: I gotta go.

Yeah. All right.
I love you. Bye.

Hey.

Hi... Hi.

I almost didn't recognize you

without the dog shit
on your cup.

- Oh!
- ♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- That's funny. (CHUCKLES)
- CHARLIE: Too soon?

I am sorry.
I overheard you on the phone.

I didn't realize
you were a bride.

Yeah. Yeah.

- CHARLIE: Congratulations.
- Thank you.

Thank you. It's, um...
It's really recent. Um, and...

I'm really, really excited.
I just need to figure out a...

I haven't told, uh,
my best friend yet.

Uh, Delaney,
who you met last night.

So, I just need to, you know,
figure stuff out, so...

What, she doesn't like him?

Uh, you know, I mean, she's not
the most emotive person,

so it can be... it can be...

It was hard to tell
in the beginning,

but yeah, she likes him.

She does.
Yeah, she does like him.

Yeah. Now say it one more time,
but I want you

- to really mean it.
- She... she does like him, so...

Look, a few of my friends
weren't that happy

for me when I got engaged.

I think they're just freaked out
that they think your fiancé

is going to hijack your life

and they're never
going to see you again.

I know, which is crazy.

One of them just straight up
stopped inviting me places

'cause he said I don't know
how to "hang" anymore.

- Right.
- CHARLIE: Not that that's going to happen to you. I think...

No, no, I know, um...

- Yeah.
- Okay. Good luck with, you know.

Enjoy your coffee.

- Yeah.
- Bye.

- You're up!
- What time is it?

Time to get up.
Cold brew. There you go.

- It's beautiful out, by the way.
- Where's my phone?

Our phones
are tucked away safely

in the kitchen drawer.

- Why?
- Because today is about

having fun without distractions.

We're gonna float around
untethered to technology,

- just like when we were little.
- What happened to pottery?

We're not going to pottery.

We're gonna be wild,
crazy, spontaneous.

We are going off the grid.

(MIMICKING BIRD CHIRPING)

- Think it was a left back there?
- I was following you.

- I'm following you.
- Why? I'm left-brained.

No, I'm left-brained.

Which one's the one
that's bad at math?

- 'Cause you're that one.
- That's very rude.

DELANEY: You know what's rude
is those are my sneakers

and you're wearing them
and you didn't ask me.

- GWEN: Katie?
- (GASPS)

- (BABY FUSSING)
- Gwen! Oh my God. Hi.

GWEN: And Delaney.

- Hey, Gwen!
- Oh my God. Wow!

You two hanging out.

It's like stepping back
into 2008 again. (LAUGHS)

- I love it... Mm...
- (BABY CRIES)

You have a baby.

- Mm-hmm.
- KATIE: Congratulations.

Yeah, Max, but she's a girl.
(SIGHS) She's amazing.

She's such a great eater.
She sleeps eight to eight.

Wow, that's awesome.
Are you here for the weekend?

Oh, no, my partner and I,
we live here full time.

Yeah, we moved away
from the city,

which was super scary,
but, you know, I love it.

Wait, did I see
that you got married?

Uh, no. No. (MUMBLES)

GWEN: Oh, you know what?
I'm thinking about the other Katie

in your grade.
Yeah, the other Katie.

She had her wedding
featured on Nautical Nuptials.

- Amazing. (CHUCKLES)
- KATIE: Wow.

Well, what are you up to today?

We're probably just
gonna grab some food

at the deli, actually, in town.

(GASPS) Oh my God,
their lox is what got me

through my second trimester.

Just the craziest cravings
with this little one.

You know, pistachios, fish,

cottage cheese,
butt stuff, whatever.

You name it, I had it.
Oh, crazy idea alert,

but we're actually having
a BBQ at mine today.

- You should come.
- Is it a party?

It's a BBQ. Yeah. Come.

(BABY CRYING)

GWEN: Mm...

(CHUCKLES) Sorry, we just,
we get a little crazy

- on the weekends.
- (ALL CHUCKLE)

Well, I mean, as you know crazy
as we can with a little one.

(LAUGHS, SIGHS)

- Um, so what is it you do, Theo?
- I'm a filmmaker.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- THEO: Yeah, um, commercials.

Yeah, he just got back
from Tokyo.

DELANEY: Oh, wow.

You know,
I hear Japan's amazing.

What commercial
were you shooting?

Um, it's nothing.

- Sweetie, just tell them.
- No. It's just a small thing.

He's being so modest.
He's being modest.

He was shooting
a watch commercial

with Brad Pitt
and Natalie Portman.

- DELANEY: Oh, wow.
- Uh, that's... that's so cool.

Did you get to meet them,
the celebrities?

Yeah, that's not
really why I do it, though.

- Hmm.
- THEO: Hmm.

No, of course not.

- KATIE: Yeah.
- DELANEY: Oh, hello.

- THEO: Oh!
- Oh, hi.

- Oh, no, careful. She can bite.
- KATIE: She does?

Uh! Well, yeah, I guess
she really likes you.

(KATIE AND GWEN CHUCKLE)

I've never seen her
do that with anyone but me.

Noodle, why don't you
come here? Come here.

Come to Papa.
Hey, come on. Nood...

- (BABY CRYING)
- Mm! (SIGHS)

I think, um... Yeah, I think
it's your turn, Daddy.

You know, I'm pretty sure
I read in a book

that it's better to let 'em
cry it out, right?

No, that's for when we're
putting her to sleep, babe.

- Yes. Well, and nappies.
- No, no, not just nappies.

THEO: Oh, now she wants to...
she wants to come here.

Come on.
Yeah, you want your Daddy.

- Okay. Here we go.
- (DOG WHIMPERING)

- Oh!
- THEO: (CHUCKLES) Oh!

We're gonna look after
the child as well.

Come on.

- (ALL CHUCKLE)
- Yeah.

- Just excuse me, okay?
- No, that's okay.

(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)

I'm very worried about the dog.

GWEN: I'm sorry, okay?
I felt bad.

I saw them wandering
the neighborhood,

looking longingly
at all these families.

What was I supposed to do?

You always invite
strangers into this house.

First, it was the kittens
in the garage.

Now, it's these spinsters
from your past.

- Baby, we have a child.
- We do?

Wow, I just forgot
about the 46 hours of labor

- and my torn anus.
- (THEO GROANS)

THEO: The chatty one
is hiding something,

and I know that you don't care,

but the mute keeps
on fiddling with Noodle.

- I want them gone.
- I want my life back.

Ladies, I couldn't find any weed
but I have some ketamine.

Fuck.

(LAUGHING)

- (LOUDLY) Ow!
- KATIE: (CHUCKLING) Ow! Ow!

(GROANS) It hit my spine.

(CONTINUES GROANING)

Oh my God. Since when
is petting a dog weird?

It's not like
I was only petting tail.

I'm serious.

Okay, well,
I'm not "hiding" anything.

They're just frickin' nuts.

Whatever.
That's the most excitement

- they've seen in months, so.
- Yeah?

Her partner just
shot a commercial

with Brad Pitt, but I hear you.

Yeah, they clearly
hate each other, though.

Hate each other?
Maybe they're a little tired.

Just had a baby.

Or maybe they were in love,
and then they had the baby,

and now they hate each other.

- That's real nice.
- I'm... I'm sorry.

That's the reason
I don't want kids.

All right, I know you want kids.

I mean it, I don't want kids.

Okay, you don't mean that,
don't say that.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

DELANEY: Um, I do mean it.
I don't want kids.

Delaney, you don't mean that.
Stop.

Can we not
have this conversation?

Because that'd really put
a damper on my entire day.

Yes, okay, sorry, um...

Okay, what do you wanna do?

- Follow me.
- Okay?

♪ ("DO SI DO"
BY JENNY LEWIS PLAYING) ♪

♪ Turn up the stereo ♪

♪ 'Til everything rattles, ooh ♪

♪ Life is a disco, a mambo... ♪

I'm gonna get this
with my name on it,

and she's gonna get this
with her name on it.

♪ Put on your day glow
Do-si-do ♪

DELANEY: What's the other
two percent?

Um, paralegal?

(BANG SNAPS EXPLODING)

- (BOTH LAUGH)
- ♪ Do-si-do ♪

♪ Open the window ♪

(BANG SNAPS EXPLODING)

♪ Get back in the saddle
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ This ain't no ghetto, Joe ♪

♪ You're on the payroll ♪

Hi!

♪ Do-si-do
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

- DELANEY: Yeah!
- KATIE: Ooh!

DELANEY: Oh my God!

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Do-si-do ♪

KATIE: Oh my God,
they're very nimble.

♪ Let the grown man cry ♪

♪ Powerful minds ♪

- ♪ Oh my ♪
- ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- KATIE: Really?
- Yes.

He cuts his toenails in the car.

- KATIE: That's a good thing.
- No.

Shots! Keep it going,
all-nighter.

Oh, hi, Kyle. You sure
you're allowed back in here?

- (CHUCKLES)
- (LAUGHS)

- Dude, I'm so embarrassed.
- How can we make this up to you?

Um, I guess one of you
could eat some dog shit.

(LAUGHS)

- Shit, I'll do it.
- No, I'll do it.

- I'll do it.
- I am so sorry

that we keep
subjecting you to this.

Let's just do a round
of Fireball shots for everyone.

You like Fireball?

I love Fireball.

Let's fucking go.

- (PHIL GROANS)
- KATIE: What is with Phil?

What's up, Kaylee?

Oh my God, dude.
I gotta go to the bathroom.

Well, we've been
having so much fun,

it's been hard to find
the right time to tell her.

Right.

But, more importantly,
as soon as you tell her,

it's gonna be weird.

Uh, yeah, that too.

All right, then don't think
about it and just have fun.

I can't not think about it.

- She is going to find out.
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh my God. You're so stressed.
- (LAUGHS) I know.

- I know.
- I can feel your heart

- beating in your chest.
- I know.

Well, my fiancée
wants to try for kids

- as soon as we get married.
- Aw!

So this will be the last time
I see my friends

for the next...
(EXHALES) ...18 years.

(CHUCKLING)

That's so sad.

- I know.
- Don't say that.

I agree. The fact is
that we're getting older,

and we're not gonna have
a lot more weekends like this.

We're not 80 years old.
This is not your last "hurrah."

Do you know
what a bachelor party is?

By definition,
it is a last hurrah.

- I think you're being dramatic.
- I don't think so.

(SIGHS)

Maybe we get another drink?

- Yes.
- Is... is that an awful idea?

- No, it's a good idea.
- Okay, twist your arm?

(LAUGHS) Twist my arm.

I don't really do the whole
American idealization

of excess supersizing thing.

Well, except when it comes
to real estate

because tiny homes scare me.

(DART THUDS)

- Oh!
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Beijing. Hold those. Thank you.

- What's his deal?
- Oh, he's a good dude.

And he's like
low-key rich now, too.

But he only dates models.
Sorry. Hey, um...

- Are... are you single?
- Yeah, I'm single.

Same. I mean, me and my boys

have like a strict no-dating
policy for junior year.

I love that.
I wish my friends got that.

Could you maybe put in
a good word with, uh, Tommy?

- Like, to date?
- No.

- Oh, like, to smash?
- Yeah, like, to smash.

Yeah, I'll ask him.

Less of an ask
and more of a temperature check.

Just check it out for me.

It's my mission
to get you kissing.

- (DART THUDS)
- (GRUNTS)

Phil! Tommy!
Family Fireball shots!

(SOFTLY) Oh, fuck.

- ♪ But now I think about
The good times ♪ - Cheers!

♪ Down in
The Caribbean sunshine ♪

♪ In my younger days
I was so bad ♪

♪ Laughin' about
All the fun we had ♪

♪ I seen enough
To feel the world spin ♪

♪ Mixin' different oceans
Meetin' cousins ♪

♪ Listen to the drummers
And the night sounds ♪

♪ Listen to the singers make
The world go... ♪

- ♪ (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪
- Oh, fuck. I forgot to vote.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Guys, there's nothing open.

We really don't need
to force the night.

No, no, no. We said all-nighter.

- We did.
- I feel like Tommy and Delaney

still need to clap cheeks.

What are you talking about?

Nothing. He's drunk. Ignore him.

Well, we would invite you back
to the Pelican Palace bar.

But it is, I've been told,

an out-of-order vending machine
in the parking lot.

- Mm!
- So...

-That's correct.
-They can't host. They can't host.

(BOTH CHUCKING)

You guys,
should we just call it?

- Yes.
- No. No, let's go to ours.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- What about Dougie?
- Uh, I dunno...

- We'll be quiet.
- (CHARLIE SNICKERS)

Sorry, this is the only room
in the house without cameras.

- I have cash.
- Yeah, I think, uh...

I think I should probably
take Phil home.

No. No. You should stay here.

Charlie and Katie,
they'll be back any second.

-PHIL: Chill. I'm friends with Danny.
-Or we could play a game.

You guys ever heard of Twister?

Oh, man. (SIGHS)

The Beta Phis brought it
to the hockey house last spring.

No, uh, seriously, I told
Phil's wife I'd watch him.

I think it's time
for us to go, Phil.

I'm good. Chill.

Come on,
we'll go back to the hotel.

I think we should get
Phil coffee.

- Phil, do you want a coffee?
- Don't fucking touch me.

All right, yeah,
let's get Phil coffee.

Is that okay?

Yeah, go get me fucking coffee
and get out of here.

- Great, let's get Phil coffee.
- Bye.

This guy fucking thinks
he knows what it's like

to fucking live in a house
with three women.

No offense, you're awesome.

CHARLIE: Ooh,
a smooth banana IPA.

(CHARLIE AND KATIE CHUCKLE)

That could be... that could be
your wedding drink,

like your bride
signature cocktail.

I'm not doing any of that stuff.

Right, 'cause you're,
like, a cool bride.

KATIE: Yes, yes, that's right.

What's your signature cocktail?

Well, I'm a cool groom,
so I can't do that.

Oh, you mean, you might
actually be too cool of a groom

if it takes you
seven years to propose.

Look, love happens
in its own time.

- Oh, right.
- I don't make the timetable.

- Love makes the timetable.
- And that's what you told her?

- Yeah.
- Yes, that's what I told her.

And how much time
did that buy you?

- Seven years.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

Ah, ah, ah, I see.

- ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- What made you wait so long?

I just wasn't sure.

About your fiancée?

About any of it. I just...

I just didn't know
if that's what I wanted.

You know, I just think
it's this thing

that we all think
we're supposed to do

'cause everybody else
does it, but we never stop

and ask ourselves
if it's what we actually want.

And then I realized
that I did want it,

and I do want kids,

and that, eventually, I just
had to get out of my own way

and find somebody that I liked,
and use good judgment,

and be smart and just,
you know, pick them and...

be happy.

So romantic.

I don't care if
you don't think it's romantic.

It's honest, and honesty
is what sustains a marriage.

It's not romance.

I mean, you actually don't think

that there's one person
for everyone?

(SCOFFS)
I'm sorry, you can't be serious.

- KATIE: What?
- One person for everyone?

No, of course not. I think
there are millions of people

that we can connect with.

It's just a matter
of when you meet them.

We're not marrying
these people because of timing.

Don't say we're marrying them
because of soulmates,

'cause I'll leave you here
with those beers.

We are marrying them
because we love them.

Yes.

KATIE: I mean, right?

I said yes.

KATIE: I...
You're not selling me.

- Do you know? (CHUCKLES)
- That's not my job.

This coffee expired
six years ago.

- Coffee doesn't expire.
- I got cash money, baby girl.

PHIL: Remember that stuff
from the '90s?

Don't worry about Phil. We'll
give him some tap water, okay?

Or like Windex or something.

Would you like
to share a glass of wine?

What?

Someone found a speaker.

- Connect.
- TOMMY: No.

I have to conserve my battery
for the Uber so we can leave.

You remember leaving?

You can use my phone
for the... the music.

No offense, but you probably
don't have my kind of music

- on your phone, so...
- Why?

- What kind of music do you like?
- House,

but a very specific
kind of house.

- I like specific house.
- TOMMY: Oh my God.

Just listen to your music, okay?

- Are you...
- Put it on your phone.

- I'm fine.
- Are you...

Put on your phone. I'm fine.

KYLE: Oh, Tommy.

I'm coming, Tommy.

I'm gonna make two glasses
of wine still for...

if anyone wants to stay
and... and drink it with me.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Delaney, could you fire up
some pizzas, hon?

For the guys, at least.

I mean, I'm happy to host.
I'm just...

Yeah, you don't seem
anxious about it at all.

What? Well,
I'm a little worried.

If I get a bad review,
that is on you.

Oh, my... What is with you
and this review?

- Are you in some sort of legal bind?
- What?

- (LAUGHS) No, no, but...
- I will write you a comment

- if they give you a shitty review.
- Oh!

- Oh! Thank you.
- You know, um,

we could just go back
to my hotel, if you want.

I mean, just say the word.

(EXHALES) Charlie, I can't.

I'm engaged, you know? I...

Trust me. (SIGHS)

I feel it too, but there's not...

(STAMMERS)
I'm sorry, I meant like...

I meant all of us would go
back to my hotel, like,

instead of you hosting here,
just 'cause you seemed

- anxious about it.
- Yeah, no, I'm...

I'm so sorry.

Um, just 'cause
we'd been flirting,

- so I thought that you were...
- I wasn't suggesting

that you and I would go back
alone to my hotel.

I hope I wasn't giving off
that impression.

I mean, did you think
the friendly banter meant

that I was going to,
like, cheat on my fiancée?

No. No.

- Here, I'll... Okay.
- I got it.

- KYLE: That's a fatty, dude.
- (DOOR OPENS)

- ♪ (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (SNIFFS)

Delaney, what the fuck
are you doing?

We said we'd stay
in the bedroom. Delaney!

CHARLIE: Phil, buddy,
time to go.

- Finally, yeah, let's go.
- DELANEY: No, stay.

We can go to my room.

- I'll make it fun.
- No.

- No, thanks.
- Is it 'cause I'm not a model?

No, because I don't share
a genuine connection with you,

and it feels weird
to lead you on.

- Oh, fuck you.
- You know, I came here

to celebrate an important time
in Charlie's life.

I tried to politely
keep my distance

so I could spend time
with my friends,

who I never see.

But you inserted yourself
into our plans

and put us all
in a very weird situation.

So, honestly, fuck you, Delaney.

No.

No. No, no, no. Fuck you, Tommy.

Fuck you.

Because that,
that's the dopest girl

that I've ever met.

And you may not get her...

but I do.

I think I love you.

- (CHUCKLES)
- (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) What... What?

What are you talking about?

- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
- ♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪

What? No, no, no, no, no.
What... What is going on here?

Who are these people?
Mom's house!

- Can you not on the art?
- KATIE: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- They are about to leave.
- Additional guests?

Shoes inside? Alcohol?

You agreed to the rules.

I know. I know. I'm sorry.
There were a lot of rules.

And, honestly,
no alcohol is crazy.

- So...
- Yeah.

'Cause I don't want
to relapse again.

I'm two years sober.

What is wrong with you people?
This is my house.

It kills me
that I have to rent this out.

But with my mom's leftover
medical bills,

- I don't really have...
- (PHIL SNORTING)

Really?

I'm not gonna not do the coke.

- (DOORBELL RINGING)
- (DOOR OPENS)

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Hi.

Hi.

- We're here for Big Dick Phil.
- ♪ ("GO OFF" BY DAI BURGER PLAYING) ♪

- What?
- Oh my God. I'm him.

Phil, please tell me
that you didn't hire...

Delaney said I could.

I said he could.
'Cause guess what?

All guys like strippers, Katie,
even your lover, Charlie.

Okay, well, he's not my lover.

I mean, you have been
eye-fucking her all week, dude.

- See?
- Whoa!

What about my sister?

- That's not chill.
- What are you talking about?

She's engaged.

You knew?

Charlie knew.

Hey, we're drunk, okay?

Let's not talk
about this right now.

You don't want to talk about
how you hid

your engagement from me
for an entire weekend?

KATIE: Can you stop?

DELANEY: How you put our phones
in a kitchen drawer?

- Stop.
- You're a psycho!

And you're a fucking bitch!

- ♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
- Okay, this is just sad.

- I can't dance here.
- Same.

Friendship stuff
is super triggering.

Yeah.

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(SNIFFLES) Okay,
I got another girl,

but it'll take her
45 minutes to get here.

Get out!

You get out.

You're a pervert. You filmed us.

Pervert.

- Pervert.
- DELANEY: Pervert.

- Pervert. Pervert.
- PHIL: Pervert. Pervert.

- Pervert.
- Pervert.

- Pervert.
- Pervert. You're creepy!

You don't treat guests this way!

(DIAL TONE RINGING)

- Everywhere's closed, Delaney.
- I'm not talking to you.

- Okay, but nowhere's open.
- You don't know everything.

(DIAL TONE CONTINUES RINGING)

Ugh.

OPERATOR: If you'd like to
make a call...

- Oh, hello.
- please hang up

and try again...

I'll have one pizza
for one person.

(DISCONNECT TONE RINGS)

DELANEY: I can hold.

- (MUFFLED MOANING)
- (RHYTHMIC BANGING ON WALL)

He says it's gonna
be five minutes, so...

KATIE: He didn't want to know
what type of pizza?

I always get pepperoni
and they always know, so...

Yeah? I didn't hear
a credit card number.

- I'm paying cash and stuff.
- Mm.

- (BANGING INTENSIFIES)
- (MOANING CONTINUES)

- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- ♪ (SOFY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(KATIE SCOFFS)

(SIGHS)

(CELL PHONE THUDS)

Tommy took my charger
into his room and...

I know, but...

All right, well,

Kyle's also not exactly
the most reliable narrator.

I can't.

Look, I'm gonna be home
in a few hours.

No, I'm here.

No, my service is fine.
I'm gonna...

I'll be home in a few hours
and then we can talk, okay?

(SUITCASE CLATTERING)

- Ready.
- Great.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Four hours
and 37 minutes to destination.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(LEVER CLICKS)

(KEYS JANGLING)

Can we please talk
about last night?

About what?

All of it. I mean...

Do you remember any of it?

I know you can black out
big chunks

when you drink like that.

I remember that you lied to me
about getting engaged.

- I remember that.
- I tried to tell you.

That first night, I had
this whole thing planned.

It's the... the whole
reason we did the trip.

You lied to me all weekend.

No, I... I tried to tell you
all weekend.

Another lie. That's great.

Why do you always lie?

Honestly, you lie
to me all the time.

I'm not a liar.

It's just really hard
to be honest with you.

I mean, you hate everything.
You hate everyone.

- I don't hate everyone.
- Admit you hate John.

Admit it.

You've never liked him. You roll
your eyes when he talks.

You don't laugh at his jokes.

I don't know why, he's so sweet,
but you have always hated him.

- I hate how boring he makes you.
- KATIE: Boring?

Why? 'Cause I don't want
to babysit your fucking benders.

At least I'm not stuck
in some sad routine.

I'm not sad. I'm happy.

(SCOFFS) You look happy.

Why don't you call it?

I'm serious.
Why don't you leave the city?

Go drown your personality
in white wine with Gwen.

That sounds better
than staying here

and wasting it with you
one weekend at a time.

Why don't you try caring
about something?

Why don't you try
making a fucking effort?

- Why don't you grow up?
- I am grown up!

- You still do cocaine!
- Doing cocaine is fun, Katie!

Okay. Yeah, well, maybe
we're too different now.

Yeah. Maybe we are.

♪ ("ABSENCE" BY DYAN PLAYING) ♪

Get out.

Hey! There she is.

How you doing? You feeling okay?

- Yeah, just going in the shower.
- Okay.

(SNIFFS)

♪ The day you ride away
From me ♪

♪ Taking light
And leaving grief ♪

(SOBS)

(ALEX SPEAKING ON LAPTOP)

♪ I keep the hurt
I'd rather feel ♪

♪ And watch the shadow
From my knees ♪

♪ (SINGER HUMMING) ♪

There were two pigs, okay,

and they're in the same pit
of mud.

And the wife pig turns over
to the husband pig,

and she says, "Have you seen
Farmer Joe's pants lately?"

Why would you cancel?

The husband goes,
"Oh, that's so funny.

I thought he said pork chop."

♪ Remind me of that place
We know... ♪

Thank you so much.
I had a really nice time.

♪ (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪

(SIGHS)

KATIE: "Oops. Did a thing.

Officially secured series B
fundy for my startup."

- Who do you think posted that?
- What? Oh, oh, oh, um...

Elon Musk.

Uh, no, no.
It's someone we know.

Oh, oh, uh, some...

I give up. (CHUCKLES)

Uh, okay. Um, no,
it was Diane's date

- from, uh, New Year's.
- Oh.

(STUTTERS) No, I don't even
think I met her.

Oh, is she friends with Delaney?

Speaking of which,

is Delaney coming
to dinner this weekend?

I don't think so.

- Why?
- Well, we're in a fight.

The two of you are fighting.

- Yeah.
- That's

- maybe never happened in the history of the world.
- Yeah.

- What happened?
- Um, it's very dumb.

Uh, it was about the engagement.

- Oh.
- I...

So, I never actually told her.

She found out on my phone
and went ballistic

- and got wasted.
- Wait, wait, what do you mean?

You didn't tell her that...

I mean, remember I tried
and you called,

so I couldn't really.

And then I tried
later that night

- and it got extremely weird.
- No.

No, no, no, don't,
don't do that.

I let you wait
until the perfect moment

to tell her
how you wanted to tell her.

And you said you would do that
on the trip.

You told me you would handle
that on the trip

so we could start
planning our wedding.

I mean, you're a little obsessed
with planning the wedding.

Well, yeah, I want
to celebrate our marriage

with our family and our friends.

No offense, I don't think
you really get it.

You know, I don't think you get
me and Delaney exactly.

- I don't think you could.
- JOHN: See how do you...

How do you say that?

I've been nothing
but accommodating to you

and your friend.
She has a drawer in our dresser.

- You said that was fun.
- It... it was.

It is.

But I just wanna know
when you're gonna choose us.

Right? When you will stop
bending our lives together

- for Delaney.
- KATIE: It's not just Delaney.

- JOHN: Hold on. What... No.
- No, no, no.

What do you... what do you...
What do you mean?

KATIE: You know, marriage
can really change your life.

And... and a lot of times
for the better,

which I think will be,
you know, our case.

And I'm very excited, of course.

But there's just
a lot of changes.

Like, for example, you know,

eventually, we will probably
want to move out of the city.

And that's fine. And I'm...
You know, we'll do that for you.

And you go out there
and then all of a sudden,

all your friends
are married couples

that moved out there too and...
and nobody knew you before

you were a married couple,

so it's actually a bit
like you didn't exist

before you were part
of a married couple,

- so that's the new you.
- JOHN: Uh, I'm just gonna...

I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna stop you.

I don't even know
what to believe anymore.

- John!
- (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

LUCA: So, anyways,
popcorn to Delaney.

I didn't have
any peaks this week.

Well, a week of valleys

finds time
in our cal eventually.

Everything okay?

Yeah, it's... Everything's okay.

Delaney, we're here if you ever
want to share, obviously.

But you seem to hate
Peaks and Valleys, so...

- I don't hate Peaks and Valleys.
- LUCA: Really?

Once you thought
you were muted and you screamed

"fuck" when we started
playing the game.

Okay, fine. Um...

My valley was...

my best friend lied to me
about getting engaged.

- What?
- Wow.

Wow. That is a deep valley.
Very deep.

Okay. Let's dive into this.
Let's dive into this.

Come on. We're here for you.

Wow. Your hair.

I always picture...
pictured you as a blonde.

ALEX: Look at you.
Okay, so, wait.

Tell me everything.
Who is this fiancé?

- What's his name?
- Yeah.

- John.
- ALEX: Where's John from?

- LUCA: Yep, John.
- The Midwest.

- What state?
- Minneapolis.

Michigan or Minnesota.
It's an M. I just...

I can't remember right now.

You seem like you must hate him.

I don't hate him.

- I don't hate John.
- That's very nice.

It's your best friend,
so you're trying to be nice,

but, like, what did he do?
He obviously cheated.

- He obviously...
- He cheated.

He did cheat, Alex. He cheated...

John did not cheat.
John's not a cheater.

He's totally obsessed with her.

But too obsessed, probably.

No.

- No.
- No, to where it's like,

- true crime.
- No.

He treats her really well.
He's a very good guy.

So, he treats her well?

Yeah, he treats her well.

Wait, and she... is she,
like, happy with him?

Yeah.

Okay, wait.
Sorry for the disconnect here,

but what's the problem?

And the toy guy said

that that's the most popular
thing he sells.

Yeah, no, the kids
wanted one of these.

- (HENRY GRUNTS)
- I... I just got them

a new globe, but never enough.

- Where's John?
- Uh, he has a work thing.

DARIA: Oh, did he decide
if he wanted the chicken

or lamb skewers
for the cocktail hour?

Shoot! Uh, I... I'll ask him.
I'm... I'm not sure.

Oh, if you get that thing wet,
it turns blue.

So, he's rehabbing brittle hips
after sundown?

He's really burning
the midnight oil.

And, um, if you want it
to go back to red again,

- you just put it in the sun.
- Is there trouble in paradise?

You can't hide
from an empath, little sister.

Um...

Delaney and I got into a fight.
And now,

John and I are in a bit
of a fight about that fight.

Of course. No, no, no.
We all saw this coming.

You know, you guys
are emotionally stunted.

Daria says you both
have arrested development.

(SCOFFS) I never said that.
Thank you very much.

Oh, so, you just happened
to leave your notebook open

to a page that said,

"Never individuated
into adulthood?"

Did you find the key
to my office again?

It doesn't matter. Look.

The medical fact is you guys
are basically still kids

who are clinging on
to each other

in the cafeteria of life.
You're emotionally stunted.

Oh, that's a very
mature response, Katie.

Do you see what I'm saying?
You're stunted.

- That's so rich coming from you.
- Look, I'm sorry.

I really hate to be the one
to have to tell you this,

but it might actually
be time for you to grow up.

- We have all had to.
- Did we?

I mean, did we all have to?
You're, like, 40 years old

and you still blame
everything on our parents.

You're emotionally stunted,
not me.

- Tell him, Daria.
- No, no, no, Daria.

Tell her that she's narcissistic
like Dad.

Do you know that the DSM-5

defines narcissism
as a personality disorder?

Right, Daria? A cluster B
personality disorder,

which I think
we can both agree you have.

- I have a personality disorder?
- HENRY: Yeah.

- Obviously.
- Oh my God, you're delusional.

You're... you're literally
medically delusional.

You're... you're certifiable.
Daria, tell him.

You have every symptom.
Tell him. Tell him. He lit...

Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!

(SOBS)

Today I listened to a man

detail an intense
reptilian fetish

that's ruining his marriage.

And I had to tell him,
"No, that's not weird.

Do you want an iguana
to act as a third?"

A girl ate rocks in front of me.

And I had to tell a mother,

who told me
that she lost her pregnancy,

I had to promise her

that she would get over it
one day.

Do you guys
want a medical diagnosis?

You are both ungrateful shits!

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

- (DOOR SLAMS CLOSE)
- I can't believe she said

all that stuff
about her patients.

I mean, isn't that supposed
to be, like, really private?

Okay.

I know we didn't
have the ideal childhood.

But you cannot keep
using it as an excuse.

I mean, come on.
Can you be the adult for once?

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Can you help me for once?

Things are gonna
be okay with John.

I don't know, actually.

Yeah, he's...

- He's really mad.
- People get mad, Katie.

It's a part of life,
and it's gonna be a long road

if you walk around trying
to make everything nice

for everybody all the time.
You've gotta be honest.

I know

what Delaney means to you.

And I know how much she was
there for you when you were kids.

And, yes, I maybe thought
that you were freaks...

But what you had was special.

You guys had a great run.

So, maybe it's okay
that it's over.

Sometimes the past can't last.

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

Pass me my poem journal.
Hurry up.

Quick, quick, quick, quick.

ROXY: Okay, I made a guest list.

Pretty much everyone
who's coming is cool

except for, like, one
other assistant from my office.

Have I shown you
her grid before?

She posts so much emo shit.

It's like, we get
that you have cancer.

- Maybe she wants support.
- What? (SCOFFS)

Or seeing it helps other people.

Well, it doesn't help me.

- I meant other sick people.
- Right.

Wait, how much do we hate Katie?

Like, we haven't talked
about this at all.

Yeah, what she did wasn't great.

You know what I always say,
"Hate motivates."

Liking stuff,
that can motivate too.

No, liking stuff is for sheep.

Plus, hating stuff
is like our thing.

We both know
the whole world sucks.

- The whole world sucks?
- ROXY: Yeah.

♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(SIGHS)

I think I need to leave.

I mean, same.
This place is a shithole.

Like, it's obviously
a temporary situation.

No.

I just don't want
to be around you anymore.

I hate that we love
to hate people.

It makes me feel sick.

And I want to feel good.

I want to be happy.

I want to be happy
for other people.

I want to be happy
for my family.

I want to be happy
for my friends.

(SIGHS) But I don't know
how to do that.

I don't know how to be happy

for people.

- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- (SIGHS)

Did you, like, write that
in your notes app

to say to me?
That's so fucking lame, Delaney.

DELANEY: Okay, bye.

-JOHN: All right. Just keep breathing.
-PATIENT: Ow, ow.

JOHN: Okay. Other side.

- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- JOHN: One second. Sorry.

♪ (SERENE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Delaney.

- Hi.
- JOHN: What happened?

Is everyone okay?

- What? Yeah.
- (EXHALES) Um...

then, um, why are you here?

Where are you from?

Uh,

Illinois.

- I knew that. (CHUCKLES)
- (JOHN CHUCKLES)

Did you like it there
in Illinois?

Do you mind?

- Sure.
- Okay.

PATIENT: Who is it?

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- PATIENT: Who is this?

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I lived in Illinois
pretty much my whole life.

High school, college.

"Go Phoenixes."
It was our college mascot.

Yeah, my whole family
went there.

And I am so sorry
that I didn't tell you

that I was gonna
propose to Katie.

It's okay.

Probably made you
hate me even more.

I never hated you.
I hated you existed.

- That was, I... (CHUCKLES)
- Right. (CHUCKLES)

You never did anything wrong.

I did everything to make it
incredibly weird for you.

And I'm... I'm really sorry.

I'm really happy it's you.

I will, uh, let you back

- to work.
- Yeah, yeah. (CHUCKLES)

We're... We're actually
in a fight.

Um, she lied to me
about telling you.

And I just don't understand
why she can't be

honest with me.

I don't know.

Maybe she's afraid of losing us.

Or maybe it's...

trying to protect us?
I really don't know.

I do know that...

getting older is...

really scary.

PATIENT: I'm not paying
for this.

- I got his card on file.
- (CHUCKLES)

KATIE: So, can we talk?

I mean, what...
what are we doing?

I... I can't take
more silent treatment.

That's my client, Jerry.

Uh, uh, Yeah, I know Jerry.

Do you know his wife, Marlene?

You know,
they've been married for years.

Lived in four states,
three countries.

They got divorced,
got back together,

lived in next-door houses
just for their own space.

Until they built this place.

Together.

I don't know what the rest
of our lives will look like,

but it can be
whatever we want it to be.

I love you. I love you.

- JOHN: I love you too.
- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry I lied.

And I'm gonna do better.

I know. I know. She told me.

- Who?
- Delaney.

Um, when... when did
you see Delaney?

Today. She came by the office.

Why? She's, like, what?

Like, returning the stuff
I had in her apartment, or...

She wanted to know
where I was from.

Yeah?

Actually?

Go get your girl.

- Go on.
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

Open up your gait. There you go.

♪ (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ (UPBEAT TECHNO
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Katie, no.

There's a list,
and you're not the aesthetic.

And honestly, even if you were,

there's already a Jennifer here,
and we can't, like,

have a Jennifer
and a Katie, you know?

Yeah, okay. Um, Roxy,
I know you think I'm lame,

but I know
that you're miserable,

and that's why you're so mean.
I feel bad for you. Okay?

Yeah.

- Same.
- Yeah. Uh, where's Delaney?

Where do you think?

Fuck.

DELANEY: Occupied.

- DELANEY: Occupied.
- Delaney, drop the drugs.

- I said occupied.
- (TOILET FLUSHING)

- So, I was gonna...
- Sorry, um, can I go first?

'Cause I'm feeling brave
and that might go away.

Go ahead.

I look at you and I feel like
we are still 12 years old.

And I really love that.
(CHUCKLES)

But we're not 12 years old
anymore.

And we can't spend
every second together anymore.

♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

And we don't like
all the same things anymore,

as much as I try to fight that.
(CHUCKLES)

And I want to get married.

And I want to have kids.

And I want to save pictures
of bathroom renovations I like.

And I want to make
little dishes for my keys.

And I want
to move out of the city.

And I know
you don't want that stuff.

You don't even like that stuff,

actually, and you don't even
really like people who do.

Which is scary.

And I didn't tell you
about the engagement

because I was afraid
you wouldn't be happy for me.

And that would just
break my heart beyond repair.

(SNIFFLES)

And I'm so happy about
this next chapter of my life,

but I'm terrified

that you don't want
to be a part of it.

And I know
I really messed up by lying.

And I'm really, really sorry.

And if things are different now,
I understand.

And if we end up parting ways...

I just wanted to say thank you.

Being your best friend
has just been

the highlight of my life.

(DELANEY SNIFFLES)

And I think
we're really lucky...

to have lasted
as long as we did.

- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- (INSECTS CHIRPING)

Well, it's not every day
your kid sister gets married.

Um, I'm incredibly honored
to be here.

And I was asked to put
a couple words together

and to try to capture
the spirit of marriage

and, um, what it means
to our civilization

and, particularly, what it means

to these two
very special people.

So, I've done my best...

and I think you'll agree.

- ♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- "Love's passion

always in fashion.

French kissing

sad to be missing.

Willows swaying,
children playing.

Love will find a way.

Today.

Forevermore.

Into dawn, Katie and John.

You have truly won

"the game."

(SOFTLY) Thank you.

Thank you
for that beautiful poem, Henry.

Okay. Let's do this.

"Dearly beloved..."

♪ ("JUST SAY A FOUR LETTER
WORD (LOVE)" PLAYING) ♪

It's so crazy you spend
more time with like,

a hairdresser than you do
with, like, your best friends.

One hundred percent.

My eyebrow woman is... is...
is closer to me. I text her.

- We're on a texting basis.
- Yeah.

♪ Girl I got what you desire
Yeah ♪

♪ I got a love heat
To light your fire ♪

♪ Oh, girl ♪

♪ And if
If there's something... ♪

It's like, really fun
just to like, sleep, right?

To be in bed
for a full 24 hours,

- people say that's depression.
- It is like a luxury.

I say that's a luxury.
Exactly, yeah.

A hundred percent.
A hundred percent.

♪ You are the love of my life ♪

♪ Just use me for something ♪

♪ Oh, baby, yeah ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪
- ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪

- ♪ What I love ♪
- ♪ What I love, love, love ♪

It's kind of depressing.

It is. Well, that's...
that's what they tell you

in school and you
never listen, you know?

- That like...
- You're like,

"That won't be me."

- ♪ Do me no good ♪
- ♪ No good ♪

♪ Ever cheat on you, baby
No, no, no ♪

♪ Just say a four... ♪

So, I'm fostering
a Basset Hound this week.

Puppy dog.

I know. So running around.
I need it.

I... honestly,
I cannot even stand it.

I need it here.

♪ Just say a four-letter word ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪
- ♪ 'Cause I've seen in you ♪

♪ What I love
What I love, love, love ♪

♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪