Original subtitles

Cryotherapy is great for circulation.

It keeps me in peak form,

which matters just a bit when your job is saving lives.

The closest cryopod's in Portland, so I make do here.

It's ironic, really, extending my own life in a space

reserved for the dead.

The only trick is ignoring the smell, yeah.

Hey, Ralph, you want to give it a go, buddy?

Helps burn cals.

Well, it's a pass from Ralph. Fair enough.

Uh, all right, well, once more unto the breach, huh?

Whoo!

He's been unconscious since he came in.

We are giving him morphine, uh, but there is a DNR in place.

So we will let nature take its course today.

I'm so sorry.

You know, delivering this kind of news is never easy.

We have to remember that this is a sacred moment

for these families.

Sometimes it brings out the best in them.

And then other times--

- Well, I want an autopsy. - Oh, Jesus, Martin.

He's 96.

His home nurse was way too comfortable.

She's ready to move in.

Of course you don't trust the woman that I hired.

- She did something to him. - Maybe you guys could--

Do we have to do a morgue? My dad hates tight spaces.

He wouldn't even sit in our tree house when we were kids.

There we go, bringing up the tree house again.

How many minutes did that take?

I'm going to give you guys some privacy.

I could also go.

I have been waiting--

waiting for you to bring up the tree house.

This is why you've got to have a plan.

They don't have a plan, and now they're arguing

about where to put the poor guy.

Well, no one's going to be fussing and fighting

over this old-lady corpse because I review and update

my end-of-life plans monthly.

I'm ready to die at a moment's notice.

I just want to be cremated and then have my ashes

mixed with glitter and blown out of an air cannon

at a club in Vegas.

On Strip, not off.

I'm staying local.

I already got burial plots for me and Tim and the kids.

I got four for the price of three

'cause Costco had, like, a thing, so...

Yeah, but what if your kids are married and have

a family of their own?

Maybe they want to be buried with them.

Tough. I made 'em.

I'm keeping 'em.

Well, I suppose you're all wondering

what my death plan is.

And the answer is, I don't need one,

mm-mm, not for another 80 or so years.

In fact, I might even skip the whole dying thing altogether.

What?

Living forever is impossible currently.

But, man, are we close to cracking that nut,

and I'm going to be around when we do.

Although my chronological age is 38, my bio age is 21.

Now, that's the result of a dedicated wellness routine.

53 supplements a day, daily meditation rituals,

and constant genetic screening.

Is it a lot of work? Sure.

But the reward is a little something called infinity.

There's an emergency in my father's room.

OK, I'm coming.

My sister keeps playing chimes.

And I'm stopping.

He hated wind chimes, and these are his final moments.

It's better than the Fox News you keep putting on.

Dad would want to be informed!

Man, that guy really hates chimes.

Listen, I can't with that family today.

You're going to stay with them and watch for time of death.

Oh, uh, it's just I've never actually seen

someone die before.

Well, let me fill you in on how it works.

When they're dead, look at the clock.

No, I just mean that moment.

You know, seeing the lights go out,

realizing a human soul has left God's Earth.

Serena can you watch for time of death in 103?

Sure.

But it would be a good learning experience.

You know, get a big D under my belt.

I'm going to follow her.

Serena!

Interesting turn of events.

Looks like it'll just be me and Serena

and the guy's kids and the guy--

for a while, at least.

You know, all that talk this morning

got me to thinking about my own end-of-life plans.

You know, I recently had to dump my executor,

and I would love it if you took over.

Wow, Joyce, I'm--I'm really flattered.

Well, good.

All the details are figured out already.

Oh, that's very thorough.

Yeah, everything from the font on my headstone--

Garamond--to the catering at my wake--

Tex-Mex, tapas--it's all here and ready to rock.

You know, my boyfriend, Sanderson, was my executor,

but then we got in a fight, and I had to get rid of him.

OK. Well, um, you know what? Yeah, I'd be happy to do it.

- Yes. Slay, mama. - Oh!

I'm going to go update these pages.

Oh, you gentle fool of a woman.

What?

I was the executor of my grandmother's estate.

It was a huge headache, and she was nowhere near

as crazy as Joyce. - Oh, come on, she's not crazy.

She's just quirky.

Besides, who cares?

It's going to be a tiny bit of work, like, decades from now.

Well, I've known Joyce for a long time.

Nothing is tiny. Everything is big.

When she was a first-year resident here,

she used to wear these insane magenta scrubs

with two pairs of shoulder pads on underneath,

you know, to project power.

Even then, I told myself, that woman is a lot.

Alex?

Hey, keep your lunch free.

Um, I've got a notary coming this afternoon.

If we don't finish at lunch,

we'll just pick it up again after your shift.

Excited!

Excited.

- You're taking his ring off? - Yes, Martin.

His hands are swollen. - OK, I can hold it.

Give it to me. I have pockets.

- We all have pockets. - Give it here.

No, I'm not going to give it here.

Uh, how about some food?

Not eating can really raise tempers.

Back home, we call it getting hungry mad.

Yeah, why don't you go grab us some food, Martin?

Oh, you'd love that-- tell everyone I was eating

a turkey wrap while Dad died.

That's not what she's saying, Martin.

Stay cucked, Dave!

- I've had about enough-- - All right.

How about I'll get the food?

I'm hearing turkey wraps.

We also have a great French yogurt.

Yo-plat.

It's good.

Well, my notary is late, as per youzhe.

I'm looking for a new one, if you've got someone you like.

Uh, you know, I'm actually between notaries

at the moment, Joyce. - Gotcha.

Yeah.

Oh, I added you to our family's text thread

so you can familiarize yourself with everyone.

Yeah, I saw.

They're a really chatty group.

You'll grow to love them.

You should come to my lake condo

this weekend, catalog my assets.

I'll call a few cousins, have them drive

up to meet us on Saturday.

- Uh, Saturday's not great. - Hey, guys.

You planning a little girls' trip?

No, we're not.

Yeah, because your condo is kind of far.

You may want to make a weekend out of it.

But, Alex, you hate being home on the weekends anyway, so...

Ron, that is a great idea.

We'll have the whole Henderson crew meet up with you

for a wine-and-ham night. - Oh--

Most of us are lactose intolerant, so bring

your own cheese if you want-- we will not take it.

- Oh. - It'll be fun.

So the new plan is to die before Joyce.

These are my DNA screening results.

It's amazing how detailed it gets,

especially if you do extremely well financially.

You know, you got genetic markers

and disease-causing variants.

You know we use this to print patient charts?

Uh, yeah.

Val, that's right.

Computers can do a lot of different things.

Uh, ooh, see here, I'm allergic to birch.

I didn't know that.

I mean, that's helpful.

What's that red flag mean?

Huh, I don't think I've ever--

Well, let me just scroll down.

The middle wheel scrolls. - Yeah.

Click it in, it goes even smoother.

Yeah.

OK.

It says here I got a 16% chance of getting something

called Hollins Syndrome in 30 to 40 years.

Doesn't sound like a big deal.

20% mortality.

Oh, God, I'm trembling.

Uh, excuse me.

No, I can't-- this is not a good time.

I need a second here.

Thanks.

How long is the cord?

How long is it? What's this for, a giraffe?

Ridiculous! - I'm going to log you out.

There's my paperwork princess.

No, queen.

Yas, my queen. - Hey, Joyce.

My notary just got here,

45 minutes after I asked him to be here.

There was construction on the interstate.

Hey. - Hi, nice to meet you.

You don't have to be polite to him--he's just a notary.

OK, so are we ready to make this thing official?

Um, yeah, I have been wondering, Joyce.

Are you sure that I'm the right person to handle your estate?

What? Why?

You don't want to do it or something?

No, I want-- of course I want to, Joyce.

It's just, um...

Ron wants to do it.

- Ron? - Yeah.

He was pretty upset

when he found out that you asked me and not him.

It's just because you guys go way back, you know?

And he kept saying, like, how well each other from residency

all those years ago.

- He talks about that? - Yeah, he said that you had

these, like, cool magenta scrubs, right?

And he was like, wow, she seems powerful.

That's what I was going for!

- No way. - Yeah.

And here we are, flaunting our fun, ham-filled,

lake condo weekend right in front of him.

- I know. - I can't believe this.

OK. Thank you for telling me this.

I will have a chat with him right away.

- OK. - You can wait.

You need anything notarized?

Affidavits, custody agreements, or...

Oh. Uh, no, I'm good.

Thanks. - OK.

Well, if you change your mind, I have my stamp.

Cool.

They're still at it, huh?

It's like, why start a family if that's

what everyone ends up with?

I still want kids, though.

I think if you're with the right person,

you can make the family you want.

That's what I'm looking for.

Matty, that's cute.

I hope you find it.

So do I as--as well.

So who are the contenders?

Are you crushing on any guys at work?

What?

That new X-ray tech, his ass in those scrubs?

Oof. I mean, I would, but he wouldn't want it.

No, no, I'm not, uh...

I'm not gay.

You thought I was-- you thought I was gay?

Yeah, you have that picture of Shawn Mendes

saved on your phone. - That was haircut inspo.

It was for my barber. - Oh, my bad.

I thought Serena and I were making progress.

If you asked me this morning, I would have told you

I was about a third of the way up this hill.

But it turns out I am at the bottom

of a giant pit that is next to the hill.

And in that pit, I'm gay.

OK, the doctor will be here in a minute.

Did someone have a little chitty-chat with Joyce?

I don't know what you're talking about, Ron.

Joyce and I talk about a lot of things, you know,

because, uh, we're gal pals.

Well, let me fill you in.

Joyce just asked me to be the executor of her estate

right after she asked you.

What?

Ah, well, I guess if she wants you to do it,

then I'm OK with that. - Yeah, well, I'm not.

But I couldn't say that because she was crying,

and she told me she never realized

our friendship meant so much to me.

Ugh, the bond you guys have. Honestly, I'm jealous.

I know what you did.

And a part of me respects it.

A larger part of me is annoyed by it,

and an even larger part cannot wait to teach you a lesson.

And an even larger part has sympathy

for a working mom who's just trying to get a break

from all the nonsense? - Nope, we're all out of parts.

And how is cremation going to work anyway?

You get half his ashes, and then I get half his ashes?

You know what, Martin?

It's controversial, but I think we should

keep our father in one urn.

Maybe you guys can hash this out later.

And where is this urn going to live?

Are we going to mail it back and forth?

This is technically a quiet wing,

so if we could just calm down.

We're not going to calm down. We're grieving.

So maybe you could just mind your own business.

Don't snap at her!

OK, I know emotions are high, but everybody in this hospital

is dealing with something, so freaking out on the people

that are trying to help you is not useful.

And this may surprise you, but lunch was $85.

And I tipped Peter at the register 20%,

and I'm not including that because I am a nice guy.

Thanks.

Um, Peter doesn't make the wraps,

so you don't have to tip him.

He was looking right at me when I was tapping the screen.

That's Linda's.

What are you, the iced tea police?

You know, just let him have it, hon.

OK? Then he'll shut up.

Please. Come on, honey.

Oh!

- Matt! - Uh, it's OK.

It's just my lip and teeth and tongue.

Also, I'm dizzy. - What did you do?

You hit the poor little boy doctor!

Yeah, Keith.

She was like a dog with a bone.

What's so funny, you guys?

I'm not sure.

Oh, hey, Joyce.

We were just talking about that time Hector got sick,

and, uh, Alex set up his meal train.

Yeah, that was rough.

He was touch and go for a few weeks.

Yeah, I'm telling the story, Keith, OK?

She'd asked us all to pitch in, and she remembered his,

uh, food preferences.

And so she had this Excel spreadsheet and everything.

She was a real superhero. - The amazing Alex.

We are not workshopping this, Keith.

She really could do anything she puts her mind to.

Oh, yeah.

OK. OK.

Well, what's the funny part?

Well, the funny part is that somehow

she's not in charge of everything

and she really should be.

Oh, I see.

Well, yeah--I was waiting for a bigger payoff,

but, yeah, that is funny.

Funny.

Hey, remember when Hector came back from--

I can't get the number out of my head.

16%, 16%, 16%.

16% chance in 40 years, Bruce.

And the disease itself--

I've never been to Europe or any of the other places.

Bruce, you're fine.

You're going to die on the same schedule as the rest of us.

Yeah, that's the problem.

Just think of all I've done in my first 38 years.

Really, go ahead, visualize it. - I'm visualizing it.

Well, now, imagine what I could do in 100 years,

in 1,000 years.

I'm not worried about missing out on the world.

I'm worried about the world missing out on Bruce Schweitz.

Maybe I should have children, preserve my bloodline.

You should definitely not have children.

Yeah, probably not.

If there were a nurse here, you know, Alex--

Hey!

What ya--what ya doing, friends, huh?

Heard my name.

Best keep my name out your mouth.

Sorry.

Alex, Ron was just singing your praises--

totally unprompted.

Oh, she's organized. She's capable.

How sweet is that?

That is so Ron.

You know, he's just such a great guy.

I would trust him with my life--or my death--

you know, any major milestone really.

Well, she really brings the best out of me.

- Oh. Mm. - Out of all of us, really.

I think--

Is something going on with those two?

No. No.

But maybe.

It's fine. I just need to wash it.

Let me help you, dude.

You defended my honor and got clocked with an iced tea.

I mean, that was some "Real Housewives"-type stuff.

You got to change your shirt. - Oh.

Yikes. How'd you get that?

You fall off a trampoline or something?

Oh, uh, no.

Back home we were repairing the grain silo,

and I got got by a piece of scrap metal.

Wait, that's this one.

Oh, uh, this is actually a horse we were breaking in.

I got bucked off, so... klutz alert.

When I first heard we were getting a nurse from Montana,

I was like, "Montana."

But then Matt showed up, and I was like, "Montana."

But now I'm sort of like, "OK, Montana."

She has the natural warmth of a caretaker

but the mind of, um...

Not a lawyer-- - Not at all.

- An executor. - Oh.

OK, well, that is interesting.

You know, did I ever tell you about the time

that I lost Ella at the state fair?

Six hours, no contact. The police were called.

Whoa, where was she?

Uh, on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Wow.

Six hours on a five-minute ride.

That's 140 cycles.

She messed up from that?

No, she's fine.

Although, who knows?

You know, we never had her tested, so...

OK, Alex, you're acting really weird.

What's going on? - Noth--

OK, what is up with me, Joyce, is that...

You know, you're-- you're my friend.

We've been getting really close lately, and I just...

I don't know, I think about you dying, and I just--

I can't.

Yeah, me too. I'm--I'm sad about that, too.

Oh.

Well, sweetie, I don't want you

to have to feel all that grief now.

So why don't we just let Ron do it, OK?

OK, yeah.

Yeah, I guess that's probably for the best, so...

OK, well, we're going to change that paperwork.

Ron, why don't you swing by my office later?

We'll talk responsibilities, executor fee, all that stuff.

OK?

Wait, sorry, there's an executor fee?

Oh, yeah.

It's only $50,000, but I hope it provides

some comfort when the time comes.

But you don't have to worry about that now, OK?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

You guys are out of Cool Ranch, by the way.

OK, your breath stinks.

$50,000.

Please just tell Joyce I should be the executor.

Changing your tune just because there's

a little money involved-- very tacky.

Come on, Ron. 50 grand is not nothing, OK?

And I've got two kids to send to college.

And, you know, the little one eats worms.

He's not going to get a scholarship.

Your kids are grown.

You don't know that I'm done having kids.

I could pull a De Niro. - Please.

Please?

Fine, I will tell Joyce to make you the executor.

All you have to say is, Ron, I learned my lesson.

You are not to be trifled with.

Yeah, I'm not going to say that.

But thank you so much for telling Joyce.

So the logic is you two deserve the house

because you gave him a couple of baths?

Have you ever had to gently wash your own father's

genitals, Martin?

Because it's significant. - He's going.

So is a house.

The house is significant as well, Linda.

Listen, picture 96 years--

Oh, Bruce, we need you in here.

For a million dollars, I'd wash 'em right now!

- That's gross! - Just stop!

It's happening!

♪ The walk to the god house ♪

♪ Seems to take forever

♪ People seldom go that way

♪ The path is like a cemetery ♪

Time of death, 2:01 p.m.

♪ Tend to string out over miles ♪

♪ 'Cause the people want to just be left alone ♪

♪ People want to just be left alone ♪

We love you, Dad.

I'm sorry I didn't come by more.

♪ People want to just be left alone ♪

I'm so sorry.

♪ People want to just be left alone ♪

I am so sorry.

Hollins Syndrome is just a word.

Well, two words, technically-- a phrase, you know?

I've been so focused

on Bruce Schweitz 100 years from now,

but what really matters is Bruce Schweitz right now.

I'd rather live 100% with my 16% risk

than live 16% of 100% of life.

You know, because that's only, what, 84%?

If--no, that's not right.

Um, who's got a pen? Anyone?

- Alex. - Hey.

I am so pleased that you've accepted this position.

And, Ron, I'm so proud of you for stepping aside,

despite how much you wanted this.

Mister notary, uh, the, uh, documents, please.

Are you sure about this?

Well, that's weird.

By committing your name to paper,

you will become my most trusted friend and confidant.

Well, I'm honored, Joyce.

Where do I--here?

- Just-- - Enough!

Are you really going to go through with this, Jojo?

Well, you've left me no choice!

Did he call you Jojo?

Look, I am sorry that I didn't get you a plus-one

to my college reunion.

But that does not mean that I am not committed to you!

Well, what else could it mean, Sanderson?

You wanted to fly solo... - Sanderson.

So you could flirt with divorced ladies!

No, no, none of my friends from home brought dates.

Yeah, because they're all losers, Sandwich.

They're not worth your time.

- Sandwich. - Wow.

So this is your boyfriend? - Yeah, off-again.

Babe.

Wow, what a cool and interesting way

for us to meet him.

Joyce, don't give up on us!

Look...

I'll start paying rent, OK?

And--and you know what else?

I'll wear the ring you gave me.

On your ring finger?

Fine.

- Really? - Yeah, I will.

- Already leaving. - Oh!

You think it's, like, a promise ring?

I don't know.

Stop that. Come on.

I'm not going to lie-- I thought she was making up

Sanderson the whole time. - Me too.

I guess my kid's going to have to go to a state school now.

But it's fine, you know? He needs to be close to Mom.

Well, if this helps, I looked over her plan,

and that 50K was based on a 1996 valuation

of lots of Sears stock, so you really dodged a bullet.

Mm-hmm. And you found this out before or after

you let me take the job?

Absolutely before.

Say it, Alex.

Ron Leonard is not to be trifled with.