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You sure you won't have another steak?

Ah. Ah, no, thank you, Ben.

Thank you kindly.

Uh, three is about my limit for lunch.

You know, Jake, you don't eat as hardy as you used to.

That's the truth, Ben.

That's the truth. Maybe it's the heat.

I don't recall a hot spell

as bad as this in the last 40 years.

Yeah, it sure is a rough one.

Now...

Jake, about the, uh, renewal of our agreement

on the water rights.

I had Ira Minton draw up the contract as usual.

Uh, lawyers come pretty high these days, Ben.

Uh, you paying the bill?

Yeah, as-as usual.

Now, for your protection, now, Jake,

I want you to go over that contract with Ira.

I intend to do just that, Ben,

as long as you're paying the bill.

Yeah. As, uh, usual.

Howdy, Jake.

Howdy, boys.

Yes, sir, sure is a pleasure seeing you, Ben.

Even though it is only once a year.

Well, it's a pleasure seeing you, too, Jake.

You know, we're very grateful for the water rights

that we get from you. Mm-hmm, yeah.

Ponderosa sure needs plenty of water. Yeah.

Hey, Jake, aren't you kind of hot in that black suit?

Nope. Black keeps the sun out.

You boys ought to know that.

Didn't they teach you anything in school?

Now, Ben, as long as I'm here,

I wonder if you'll advise me on something.

Well, I will if I can.

Well, the thing is, I've decided to make out my will.

Oh. What's the matter, Jake? Ain't you feeling too well?

I'm feeling fine.

Oh, what's all the concern about a will?

Don't you think a 92-year-old man

ought to have his affairs in order?

If you're feeling fine...

I was till I got here, but danged if it don't look like

I'm about to be talked to death.

Just trying to help, Jake. Just trying to help.

Now, Ben, would you be kind enough to tell me

how to go about making out a will?

Oh, Jake, I... I think you ought to see a lawyer about that.

Mm?

Oh, look, you... you're gonna stop over

and see Ira Minton about the water agreement.

Why don't you ask him?

Hey, maybe you got an idea there, Ben.

As long as I'm seeing Ira about these here papers,

why don't he just add the will-making to the bill?

All right, Jake, if that's the way you want it.

It's a right smart thought you had there, Ben.

I'm much obliged.

Uh, here, let me help you up.

Let me alone. I-I'm all right.

Jake?

Jake?

Let's get him in the house, Pa.

Yeah. No, no. No... no time for that, Hoss.

There's no time for nothing now,

not even... making out my... my will.

Oh, you're gonna be all right, Jake.

The-the heat got to you a little bit, that's all.

No, no.

Feels like my...

head's split wide open.

Ben. Ben.

I'm right here, Jake. 0h.

I want everything I got to go to my... next of kin.

All right.

Well, will you... will you see to it?

I-I-I... I give you my word.

Jake, you'll be all right.

Oh, thanks. I'm much obliged to you.

Jake... who's your next of kin?

Jake?

Who is your next of kin?

Meredith Smith.

Did you say "Meredith Smith"?

Yeah, that's right.

Ben... see to it.

Meredith Smith gets...

everything I... got.

♪♪

Ira, you can't be serious.

I was never more serious in my life.

According to these, I judge that Jake Smith's holdings amount

to well over $160,000.

$160,000?!

Well, this is his title to acreage in Texas.

These are shares in a thriving copper mine in Montana.

And this is part interest-- a generous part interest--

In a freight line running out of Oklahoma into New Mexico.

Yes, I'd say that Jake did all right by himself

in his short 92 years.

When I think of the steaks I fed that man over the past 15 years.

You know, maybe that's why

he was able to accumulate as much as he did.

True, true. Uh, uh, what do I do with those papers, Ira?

Well, since you're the executor of the estate...

No... Wait a minute.

Who says I'm the executor of his estate?

Well, he appointed you with his dying breath.

Both your sons were witnesses.

That makes you the executor, whether you like it or not.

Well, I don't like it.

Well, nevertheless, that's the law.

Now, your first job is to find old Jake's heir or heirs.

He did name one, didn't he?

Yeah. Meredith Smith, whoever that may be.

Well, then, go find Meredith Smith.

Well, wait a minute!

How do I go about doing that?

Well, the simplest way is to advertise.

Put notices in all the legal columns of every newspaper.

Oh. You've got six months.

Six months. Uh, uh, oh, why-why six months?

It's the law.

It's designed to protect the estate

against any false claims made by possible debtors.

Oh, I see, sure.

Uh, I'll bill you for all this, of course.

Of course.

Still nothing, huh?

Nothing. For six months, nothing.

Nobody's even made a claim against the estate.

Pa, I wonder why that Meredith Smith

hasn't answered the notice you put in the paper.

Oh, I've been wondering that for six months.

Well, at least we got till tomorrow.

Sure. And after that, everything reverts back

to the territory of Nevada, including the water rights.

Well, we've got to have water.

Hey, what about that creek over on the Harris place?

I've talked to Mr. Harris about that.

Water there is so low, he hasn't any to spare for us.

Guess we'll just have to hope Meredith Smith shows up.

That's a pretty hopeless thought, isn't it?

That's him coming down the street there with his son.

Much obliged, sir.

Mr. Ben Cartwright.

That's right. I'm Meredith Smith.

Well... well, it sure is good to meet you, Mr. Smith.

Uh, uh, this is my son Joseph. Joseph, this is Meredith Smith.

How do you do? We've been waiting to meet you. Meet...

How are you? You've come to claim Jake's estate?

Yes, sir, I did.

Poor Uncle Jake.

Jake was your uncle?

Yes, sir, he was, and as fine a man as ever lived.

Did he leave much?

Oh, he left a tidy sum.

As a matter of fact, uh, I guess you'll be able

to get along all right if you don't chew too much tobacco.

Uh, uh, how is that, sir?

Oh, I... I was just trying to make a joke.

Uh, oh, no, he left a goodly amount.

Of course, as you know by my advertisement in the paper,

you can't claim it until after tomorrow.

Oh, yes, sir, I-I read that piece in the paper,

but, uh, how come I can't get it till tomorrow?

Oh, it's just a technicality, you see.

Just a technicality.

See, we have to wait a full six months

just to make sure there aren't any creditors claims.

I see. Tomorrow's the last day.

Yeah.

Uh, Mr. Smith, why don't you go over to that hotel there?

It's a very fine place.

You just rent yourself a room and charge it to my account.

Well, that's very nice of you, Mr. Cartwright.

I'll be there when you need me.

Well, it's sure good to see you, Mr. Smith. Sure good to see you.

Looking forward to it.

That was awful nice of you,

taking care of the room like that.

Well, son, a little politicking doesn't hurt.

He owns the water rights.

Whoa.

Yep.

Where can I find Mr. Ben Cartwright?

Uh, Mr. Ben Cartwright?

Ma'am.

I am glad to meet you.

I'm Meredith Smith.

Did you say "Meredith Smith"?

Well, I'd say it's an improvement.

Ma'am, this is, uh... this is my son Joseph.

Miss... Miss Smith.

How do you do?

It's my pleasure, ma'am.

Uh, well, let me... let me take your suitcase, Miss Smith.

And, uh, Joseph, I'll take Miss Smith over to the hotel

and get her settled, and I'll...

I'll meet you later at the saloon.

Sure you don't want me to help you, Pa?

No, I'm... fine.

Oh.

Mm, mm!

Potts, this, uh...

young lady would like a room in your hotel.

Certainly, Mr. Cartwright.

Meredith Smith? But that big cowboy...

Uh, uh, Mr. Potts, uh...

Just make sure that this young lady

has one of your best rooms. She's my guest.

Anything you say, Mr. Cartwright.

Thank you, Mr. Cartwright.

It's a pleasure, Miss Smith.

What do you think, Pa?

Well, obviously, one of them is a fraud.

Question is, which one?

Yeah. You know, I hope it's not the girl.

She's pretty good-looking.

What?

Oh, nothing. I just got a hunch.

You don't suppose... No.

Don't say it. I think you may be right.

Mr. Ben Cartwright?

Mr. Meredith Smith.

Well, how did you know that?

Oh, we've, uh, been expecting you.

Oh.

Well, I'm afraid the Smith estate

won't be settled until sometime tomorrow.

Well, I'm in no hurry, Mr. Cartwright.

Oh, well, that's good. Uh, you'll find that the, uh, hotel

at the corner is a very nice place to stay.

You just tell the clerk that you're my guest.

Well, thank you very much.

Until tomorrow, then.

Until tomorrow.

Pa, you'll never guess in your whole life who this is.

Meredith Smith.

Yeah.

Yeah. How'd you know that?

Oh, Pa's very quick to catch on.

Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Smith.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cartwright.

I, uh... I presume you've come about the estate?

Oh, yes.

Well, it'll take a day or two

before everything can be straightened out.

Oh, I understand. Legal matters have a way

of getting complicated.

Yeah, I didn't realize how much until now. Uh...

Well, uh...

I guess you two boys have plenty to keep you busy.

I'll take Mr. Smith over to the hotel

and get him straightened out.

Come along, Mr. Smith.

Hey, Joe, what's going on around here, anyhow?

Hoss, if I told you, you wouldn't believe it.

Look here, Mr. Cartwright,

just what do you think you're doing?

Well, for one thing, I'm creating a small boom

in the hotel business all by myself.

Now, Mr. Smith is gonna register as my guest in this hotel.

So just give him a pen.

That's fine.

Excuse me... Oh, there you are.

Uh, I'd like you to meet my pa, Ben Cartwright.

Oh. Ma'am. Mrs. Smith.

Yeah, Mrs. Smith just came in on the California stage.

Mrs. Meredith Smith?

Yes. It was so thoughtful of you to send your son

to meet me.

Yes, he's a... great help.

Where's your, uh... where's your brother Hoss?

Oh, he went back to the Ponderosa.

I... He told me to remind you we still have a ranch to run.

Yes, I hope so. Yes. Uh...

Well, Mrs. Smith, uh...

would you like to register?

Mr. Potts.

This lady is going to register here as my guest in this hotel.

Can I have a beer, Cosmo?

Yeah, make it two.

Thing has really turned into a problem, hasn't it?

Yeah.

I think we deserve a beer.

You know, I was just thinking, though--

All right, suppose Jake's land goes to the territory of Nevada.

Now, why can't we get the water rights from them?

Oh, I wish it were that easy.

If the land goes back to the territory of Nevada,

it goes up for auction.

Everybody knows we want the water rights,

so the price goes sky-high.

We've got to find the rightful heir before the time is up.

Drink hearty.

Mm. What's brother Hoss doing back in town?

Hoss, what are you doing back here?

Well, while on the way to the Ponderosa a while ago,

I ran into a feller looking for you.

Oh, what'd he want?

Well, he... says his name's Meredith Smith.

Oh... Another one?

Yep.

Well, where is he?

Well, he's sort of bashful.

He's standing over here at the door.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Mr. Smith, this is my pa, Ben Cartwright.

Meredith Smith, most honorable sir.

And I'm telling you, the whole idea's preposterous.

Not at all. I'm Mr. Cartwright's guest, ain't I?

Excuse me, uh, Mr. Potts.

Uh, what seems to be the trouble?

This gentleman here wishes me to pay

for his barbershop services and put it on your bill.

Oh, uh...

Well, after all, the gentleman is my guest.

Much obliged.

Oh, uh... Uh, don't forget to tip.

I'm a big tipper.

Big tipper.

Big show-off, if you ask me.

Here you go.

Now, just how much of this do you intend to stand for?

Oh, well, Mr. Potts, I...

Oops.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Cartwright.

Huh. I've had so much fun just buying a few things.

My, Virginia City has quite a nice collection of shops

for a town this size. Ye-Yes, it has a...

Oh, I...

I charged 'em to my hotel bill.

You don't mind, do you?

Oh, no, no, of course not.

An heiress can't be expected to wear just anything.

Oh, well, uh...

you're absolutely right.

It's very pretty.

Ch, of course I'll reimburse you when the estate is settled.

Ch, of course.

You are a dear.

An absolute dear!

Thank you.

Just add these to the others, Mr. Potts.

Anything you say, Mr. Cartwright,

but I must say...

Don't.

Good morning, Mr. Cartwright.

Lovely day, isn't it?

Yes, it, uh... it's a lovely day.

I've been out buying a few things,

and since I'm a little short of cash--

Just until the estate is settled, of course...

Of course.

...I thought that, uh...

You, uh, might want to charge these to your hotel bill.

Yes. How did you know?

Oh...

I just sort of guessed.

It isn't very much, really:

a few bottles of Dr. Wisdom's Wonder Tonic,

five pounds of cloves

and a few fresh coffee beans.

You see, I'm bothered with a little stomach trouble.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Mrs. Smith, I really am.

Well, ta-ta.

I have a lot to take care of.

Just thinking about all that money

is giving me a case of indigestion.

Ah...

Five pounds of cloves?

Better prepare yourself, Mr. Cartwright.

Ah, present for Mr. Cartwright.

Thank you, honorable sir.

Oh...

You're welcome.

Well, what did I buy?

Eight pounds lychee nuts,

six stuffed water lilies,

ginger-powdered coconut,

seven jellyfish

and a dried squid.

No shark fin?

Callie!

Don't call me "Callie."

Well, all right.

If I don't call you Callie, what do I call you?

I don't want you to call me anything.

I don't want you to even speak to me.

Now, look, what are you doing here?

I'd say that wasn't any of your business.

I asked you to stay in Abilene.

I told you I'd be back for you

as soon as I had enough money for us to get married.

Now, why didn't you wait for me?

I got tired of waitin'.

Honey, you know I love you.

Well, you said that before, too.

Now, why should I believe you now?

Let me go. Not until you tell me

what you're doing here.

Callie!

Callie!

Oh. Oh, oh, my goodness.

Uh, I-I thought this was, uh, my room.

Oh, that's all right, dearie.

But you're not... Come right on in.

You must think...

Oh, dear.

Oh, I never could tell one hall door from another myself.

Set a spell.

Uh... thank you. Uh...

I, uh... don't believe I'd better.

You going somewhere?

Uh, no.

A-As a matter of fact,

I just came in.

I-I-I've got a dreadful headache, and, uh...

I went out to get something for it.

Oh, then you should've come here in the first place.

Well...

I got just the thing for you.

Just the thing for me?

Here you are.

Take a good, long swallow.

Uh...

Uh, "Dr. Wisdom's Wonder Tonic"?

You'll wonder how you ever got along without it.

Mm-hmm.

I'm a bit cautious

about taking strange medicine.

Oh... so am I.

But you don't need to worry about this one.

As a matter of fact,

I feel a little headache coming on myself.

I'll take one with you.

Mmm!

Ooh.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

It's... it-it's warming, isn't it?

You noticed that?

Mm-hmm.

It's the sure sign of a quick cure.

Mm-hmm.

Reckon I ought to have another one,

just to keep you company.

Uh, Mrs. Smith...

you're a kind, thoughtful woman.

Oh. It's sweet of you to say so.

Oh.

It is warming.

It's very nice of you to share it with me.

It's the least I can do for a friend.

You... consider me a friend?

Certainly.

Well... I don't usually make friends easily.

An interesting man like you.

I never would have known it.

In fact, at times, I get quite lonely.

Being a widow's lonely, too.

Are you feeling better?

Considerably. Oh.

Do you suppose that I need another?

You oughtn't to take a chance.

Well, I'm...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh? Ladies first.

Oh.

All right.

Mm, mm, mm.

Mmm!

That was a good one.

Do you want another one?

Oh! Come on.

No. Oh, no. Come on.

Wait, Callie.

Now what?

I just found out what you're doing here.

I'm doing the same thing you're doing.

No, with me, it's different.

Sure it is.

You want to get rid of everybody else

so you can have it all for yourself.

Callie, you're gonna get yourself in a lot of trouble.

You're trying to scare me off so your chances will be better.

That's what it boils down to, isn't it?

Callie, you know I'm in love with you.

And I just can't stand the thought

of you ending up behind prison bars.

Now, what do I have to say to convince you

that you're making a terrible mistake?

There's nothing you can say.

Now, I'm not going back to that saloon.

And when I get that money,

I'm going to Europe and study music like I always planned.

Now, if you want better odds, Mr. Gambler,

you go talk somebody else into quitting.

Now, when old Jake died, I promised to see to it

that his heir would, uh, get all the property

that old Jake left.

Now, up until yesterday,

I didn't have any luck at all locating an heir.

Now, today, I...

I got more luck than I need.

Explain, please.

Uh, we are all, uh, Meredith Smiths.

Ah, so...

Nice big family.

Now, how do you account for the fact

that all of you are named Meredith Smith?

Well, that's a... that's an old family name, Mr. Cartwright.

Oh, I see.

You know, I had a... I had a meeting

with Sheriff Coffee this morning,

and we were going through some posters,

and just by chance, you might say,

we came across this poster.

Uh, how do you account for the fact

that, uh, the name under this picture of you

is, uh, "John Swanson,"

also known as "Snake Oil Swanson"?

One of the slickest con men in the West.

Well, you'll... you-you notice, Mr. Cartwright,

that, uh... that poster doesn't say "wanted."

It, uh, uh... it says "warning."

Well, that's true.

But a charge of attempted fraud can change the wording.

Well... well, let's...

let's not be hasty about this.

Let's, uh, just say that I made an error in judgment,

and, uh...

why don't we forget the whole thing?

Well, all right, I don't mind that.

On one condition--

That you leave Virginia City immediately.

Of course.

Pity. We might have made a lovely family.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think, uh...

I think I ought to tell you that, uh,

attempted fraud, or fraud of any kind,

is a crime punishable bylaw.

Now, is there anybody else that might like

to confess to an error in judgment?

Hmm. Very well, then.

I guess the next thing we ought to do is, uh,

find out what kin you all were to Jake,

uh, and what you have to prove it.

And we'll start with, uh... we'll start with you.

Well, uh...

Well, uh, uh...

Here is, uh, my family Bible,

uh, with, uh... uh, my name. Uh...

Mm-hmm.

Oh, and-and, uh, date of birth.

Yeah. Uh, now, wh-where were you born?

Connecticut. Connecticut.

And, uh, what relationship did you have with Jake?

Uh... oh, um...

Well, oh.

Oh, oh.

Would-would you repeat the question?

Well, what-what-what kin were you of Jake's?

Uh... I-I don't know.

You don't know?

We never lived in...

near any of our relatives.

Oh, I-I... I see. Thank you.

Thank you. All right.

Oh, I...

I beg your pardon.

Miss Smith?

He was my grandpa.

But I never expected to have my word doubted.

Well, just trying to get things straight, Miss Smith.

Mr. Smith?

I was his grandson.

But I'm afraid you'll just have to take my word for it.

Mm-hmm.

Mrs. Smith?

Here's my marriage certificate, Mr. Cartwright.

He was a fine man.

Yes.

Well, I guess that, uh, leaves you.

I son.

His son?!

Adopted son. Oh.

Papers say so.

Oh.

Well, it's in Chinese.

Why not? I Chinese.

Oh.

Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

Uh, well, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

I'll take everything that you've, uh,

told me into consideration.

And I'll be in touch with all of you

just as soon as I possibly can be.

Thank you.

Well, I think that we should talk this over.

There's nothing to talk about.

I stand pat.

I have nothing to lose.

Uh, neither have I.

Same like rest of family.

Good morning, Ching Liu.

Morning, Mr. Cartwright. Morning.

Not shirt day.

Tuesday shirt day.

Oh, oh, I-I didn't forget.

That's not why I came in.

Uh, you can read Chinese, can't you?

Yes, but not all ancient scholars.

Well, I don't think this was written by an ancient scholar.

It's a legal document. What I do?!

Well, you didn't do anything.

I just want you to read it.

Oh. Better.

More better.

Not have glasses.

Yeah, need glasses.

You see them?

No, but, well, I'll help you look for them.

Don't seem to be around.

Crazy woman all the time clean and hide glasses!

Where's my glasses?!

I find.

You no have to yell.

Crazy woman yell all the time.

Ah.

Ooh.

That's a pretty legal document, isn't it?

Pretty legal, official.

Oh, "official."

Well, what does it say?

License to hunt snakes.

Ay-ya!

Morning, Cal.

Well, hi, Ben.

What can I do for you?

Well, I was hoping you'd be able

to tell me something about this paper.

Well, I'll do the best I can.

Eh, just a minute while I get my magnifying glass.

Huh.

Where'd that fool thing go?

I had it just a minute ago.

Cay?

Try your pocket.

Pocket? Yeah.

No, no.

Now, how did you know?

Figured.

Now, where's the paper?

Well...

Oh.

Eh, Meredith Crane and Jacob Smith.

Now, does this belong to that woman that's been claiming

she's old Jake's widow? Yeah.

Yeah, I was hoping you might be able

to clear the matter up for me.

Well, maybe we can.

Oh.

Mm-hmm.

Well, what-what-what is it?

They're watermarks, watermarks.

Now, hold it up to the light.

Yeah, there up in the left-hand corner.

Yeah, what about it?

Well, it means that 20 years ago when this certificate was dated,

that paper manufacturing company wasn't even in business!

Is that a fact?

Yeah.

Is that a fact?

Come here.

Hey, what about this Bible? Huh?

That's hard to say.

Seems real enough.

Look at it through the glass.

Any way you can be sure?

Well, I reckon I can compare the paper

in this Bible with an old one I have at home.

Oh, I'd appreciate that.

Would you do that, Cal? Of course, Ben!

Anything I can do to help.

Thank you, Cal.

I think I know of a grieving widow who may need some help.

Hmm?

Well, now, Mrs. Smith?

Mm.

Mr. Smith?

Well, now.

Jake Smith was a very lucky man.

Who?

Uh, your husband.

I haven't got a husband.

Uh, uh, when he was alive, I mean.

Who?

Uh, uh, your husband.

I just told you.

I never had a husband.

Well, aren't you a widow?

Certainly I'm a widow.

But I'm afraid I don't understand.

Nothing complicated about it.

Widowing's my business.

Your business?

Yes, you dear, sweet little man.

Have another clove.

Oh.

You see... Mmm.

...when I hear somebody's looking for an heir...

Mm-hmm. ...I show up as the widow.

Mm-hmm.

You do?

Oh.

Why?

Don't you see?

If nobody else shows up,

then I inherit the boodle.

Oh, my goodness.

Uh, isn't that wrong?

Of course not,

you dear, sweet little man.

Look at the trouble I save everybody.

They can all stop looking

and have peace of mind.

And, of course, I always see

that the money is put to good use.

Why, just oodles of people

sleep better nights because of me.

That is the most noble,

humanitarian thing I ever heard

in my whole life.

You are...

absolutely...

...the most...

thoughtful...

wonderful person...

I've ever met

in my whole life.

Oh, you sweet, adorable little man.

Oh---...

I can't understand

how no woman ever claimed you for a husband.

Uh...

may I have another clove?

Mr. Smith...

Miss Smith.

Coochie-coochie-coo.

Ah...

Oh.

Come along.

Now, sit down right here, young man.

Now...

...what is your name?

Meredith. No, no, no, no, no.

What is your real name?

Your Chinese name?

Ah.

Ah Chow.

Ach... what?

Ah Chow, like...

Uh, no, never mind. Now, look.

Ah Chow, I had a friend of mine

read this paper which you gave me.

I don't think you should expect

to inherit anything from the Jake Smith estate.

Ah, so.

Aren't you disappointed?

Is that all you have to say?

Confucius say, "Win some, lose some."

You have wife, honorable sir?

Well, no, but what has that got to do

with what we're talking about?

Ah Chow number one houseboy.

Oh, well, Ah Chow, I don't need a houseboy.

Cook, clean, sew button...

Look, I said I don't need one.

How you know till you try?

Have references.

Well...

Oh---...

Ah Chow, they're in Chinese.

Why not? I Chinese.

Number one references.

Oh, Potts.

Good afternoon, Mr. Cartwright.

Uh... Potts, I'd like you to do me a favor.

Certainly.

Is Miss Meredith Smith in?

As far as I know. I didn't see her go out.

Uh, would you, uh, tell her to come down to the lobby?

I'd like to talk to her.

I don't have to tell her. Here she comes now.

Now, remember, all you have to do

is just look at her and see if you recognize her.

All right, Mr. Cartwright.

Oh, Miss Smith!

Oh, hello, Mr. Cartwright.

Hi. How are you today?

Oh, just fine.

Uh, Miss Smith, I'd like you to meet Mr. Ozzie Flynn.

From Abilene.

Well, that's where you're from, isn't it?

Oh, sure, I know her, Mr. Cartwright.

That's Callie Martin.

Used to sing at the Red Dog Saloon.

Howdy, honey.

Callie, this was bound to happen.

You let me go. Not yet.

Are you sure you've not made any mistake?

Oh, no. Not in a million years, Mr. Cartwright.

That's her, all right.

And-and I know that feller she's with.

He's a gambler named Ace-in-the-Hole Jones.

You dirty skunk, will you let me go!

Ooh!

Mr. Cartwright, I-i-if you don't need me no more,

I-I-I'd just as lief go while I'm still able.

You go ahead. Thank you, Ozzie.

Thank you for your help.

Uh, from now on, I don't know nobody.

Oh, what are you gonna do now?

Try and swindle somebody else?

Callie, I'm no swindler. You know better than that.

Now, what do I have to do to convince you?

Ah Chow, what are you doing?

I number one bellboy, too.

Bellboy?

Yes.

Business has been so good lately, I had to put on help.

I have job now.

Make plenty money.

I can now stay America.

No need go back Hong Kong.

Mr. Cartwright?

Yes, Mrs. Smith?

I am leaving immediately.

Does that mean that you're...

relinquishing your claim to the Jake Smith estate?

It does.

Mr. Smith here and I

have just been united in the holy bonds of matrimony,

and I have no intention of working on my honeymoon.

Working on...

Well, congratulations to both of you. I...

Uh... Mr. Smith, are you leaving, too?

Ah, with my beautiful bride.

Well, I...

You know, this-this Bible,

it's authentic.

Of course.

May I have my Bible, please?

Well, yes, of course.

As a matter of fact...

I knew all along I was not related to Jake Smith.

Now I can retire

and let you go on snatching the boodle.

What?

Let's get out of here while the getting's good.

Yes, you marvelous, wonderful man!

Well, I hope they'll be very happy with each other.

That leaves me with two discredited heirs.

No, only one.

You see, old Jake Smith really was my grandfather.

Ah.

You know that ranch he would never leave?

Well, it was located on the south bank of Willow Creek.

Yeah, well, anybody could've found that out.

You're a hard man to convince, Mr. Cartwright.

Well, let me see.

Oh, I remember something about a copper mine

that he owned in... Idaho.

Oh.

No. Montana.

And when I was a little guy,

I took a ride from Oklahoma City

to New Mexico on a freight line that he was part owner in.

And the last time I saw him,

he was just getting ready to buy some land

to run cattle on down in Texas.

Yeah.

Oh. One more thing.

He could put away more steak than any man I ever met.

That does it.

By golly, you are the fella.

Meredith Smith,

I-I've been looking for you for six months.

And I'm gonna turn that estate over to you right now.

Thank you, Mr. Cartwright.

Then you really are...

Yes, I really am.

Callie...

you wouldn't want me to live

on that big ranch all alone, would you?

My name's Betsy.

Betsy Hackenbush.

Mine's Jake, honey.

Jake Smith, just like my grandfather's.

My middle name was Meredith.

I don't think I'll have any trouble remembering that name.

One more thing.

You know, I just can't see you

moving off to Europe to study music.

Well, then, I'll just have to settle

for a piano in the parlor.

Mmm.

My, that was good.

Sure was.

Well, I'm sure glad that you enjoyed it.

Well, why don't we mix a little business with pleasure?

I have the water agreement here all ready to sign,

if you'd like to read it.

Oh, yes.

Well, I'm sure that's in order, Mr. Cartwright.

Oh, not so fast, dear.

We did say I was going to handle the money.

I meant the household money.

I meant all the money.

Well, it's very obvious, Mr. Cartwright, that, uh,

my husband's grandfather was very lenient with you.

Well, what do you mean?

Now, honey, please...

Shh, darling.

You know very well that you need that water desperately.

Oh, is that, uh...

is that what you think, Mrs. Smith?

Oh, no, it's not what I think.

It's what I know.

Now, I figure a 25% increase,

per month, to be added to the total

until a 12-month period is ended.

Um, Mrs. Smith, uh...

I think perhaps you ought to know that, uh...

Mr. Crawford was by here yesterday.

Mr. Crawford's a neighbor of ours.

He owns the ranch about 20 miles away from here.

He has a big, gushing stream of water

running along his land, and he offered to supply us

with all the water we could possibly need here.

So maybe we'd just better

forget about this contract completely.

Well, let's not be hasty, now.

A deal's a deal.

Well, it...

There are your water rights, Mr. Cartwright.

Say good-bye to the Cartwrights, honey,

and, uh, thank Mr. Cartwright for his generous hospitality.

Thank you, Mr. Cartwright. Thank you.

Nice to see you. Thank you for dropping by.

Bye.

Pa...

did Mr. Crawford offer you that water, sure enough?

Well, it seems to me I went by Crawford's place,

uh, not too many days ago-- I think it was last Wednesday--

And that gushing, bubbling stream was dry as a bone.

Oh.

Well, I'll tell you, son, uh...

see, when you play poker with a gambler,

or with his wife,

sometimes a... a bluff comes in mighty handy.

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