All language subtitles for 6.20 The Ponderosa Birdman

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Yes, sir, Joe,
you sure would've been proud of me.

Doggone it, there I was standing up
there in front of all them folks.

They were just clapping
and cheering.

Ha, ha.
And I was standing up there bowing.

And the more they'd clap and
cheer and stomp, the more I'd bow.

With that hat on?

Oh, certainly not.
Took the hat off, bowed like this:

Bravo, bravo, bravo.

Hey, Adam. Come on in
and hear about my dream last night.

Yeah, he was elected governor.

Sure was. For the whole state.

Well, congratulations for bringing
the territory up to statehood.

Right, it ain't a state yet.
Don't make no difference.

Just a dream anyhow.
But it sure was a real one.

I'd clap for you
if you'd stop bowing long enough

to help me finish
cleaning out these stalls.

Well, now, Joe, you should know better
than josh around with the governor.

Why, he would never stoop so low
to mess around in hay.

Well, now, Adam,
that's where you're wrong.

See, I told these folks
I was a man of the people.

I said, "Why, from humble beginnings,
I rose to great heights."

And you know something, brother?

You are absolutely right.

Aah!
Got him!

His Honor, the eminent governor,
Hoss Cartwright!

Ha, ha, ha.
All right, what's going on now?

Nothing, dad-burn it, Pa.

Dadgum it, they just won't take
nothing serious, that's all.

These boys ribbing you again?

Oh, Pa, come on,
he dreamt he was the governor.

Now, that's the biggest Whopper
of a dream I ever heard in my life.

What's the matter with that dream?

Hoss, I'd like you
to do something for me.

What's that, Pa?

I want you to go
by Jake Towne's cabin.

Has he moved back up there
on Devil Wind Hill?

No, no, no,
I got a letter from him, though.

His uncle is staying at the cabin
for a little while,

and he'd like one of us to go by,

see if they've got everything they need.
They?

Yeah, Uncle Phineas is there
with his granddaughter.

A young lady by the name
of Amanda, I believe.

Well, wouldn't it be more neighborly
if we all went by?

Yeah, I think Adam's right, Pa.

It gets pretty dangerous up there
on Devil Wind Hill.

That wind blowing,
one person alone--

Joseph, Joseph,
you don't really believe that

that wind could blow
your brother Hoss away, do you?

Ha, ha, ha.
Hm.

Oh, you gotta have a little more faith
in your brother, Joseph.

Just as I have faith in you.

In me?

I have so much faith in you

that I know deep down

that you are gonna stay here

and clean up all these stalls.

And I know that you're gonna have
the south fence fixed before sundown.

You see, Joseph,
that is what is known as faith.

That's right, Pa.

Man's got enough of it,
well, he can move mountains with it.

Hey, Amanda, where the deuce
did we put that tea? Where--?

Oh, you unpacked last night, Grandpa,
don't you remember?

Here it is.

I unpacked?
Well, what do you know? Heh, heh.

My goodness.

Amanda, how about making us
a cup of good Boston tea?

Ugh.

Amanda, why aren't you wearing one
of your dresses, darling?

We are here for science,
Professor Klump, not society.

Hmm.

Why don't you go back to Boston,
darling?

Grandpa, I do not want
to talk about it.

That pack of laughing hyenas. Ugh.

Well, I'm an inventor.

You-- Well, you just have
to expect that, that's all.

Yeah, expect people
to call you a crackpot?

And your own assistant
to laugh in your face

when one of your inventions blows up?
Ha!

And him marrying another girl and...

Oh, Amanda,
how's the tea coming?

Fine, Grandpa, just fine.

I think I'll do a little bird-watching
while you're brewing. Heh, heh.

Oh, the tea.
I mean, while you're brewing the tea.

That's what I...

What are you nosing around here for?

Ma'am, my name is Cartwright. I--

I'm from the Ponderosa.
The Ponderosa?

Yeah, my Pa sent me out here
to welcome you.

We don't want no welcome.
But, ma'am--

Now go on, just get out of here!
Go on!

Yessum. You got a powerful
good argument there, ma'am.

Go on. Just keep right on going.

Amanda, stop it!

Stop it. You'll kill me, Amanda!

Grandpa, just drop down.
I'll catch you.

Ma'am, if you'll just be quiet and calm,
I'll help you.

Sir, just roll right on off,
and I'll grab you.

No, you have to speak up
with Grandpa.

Oh.

Sir, if you'll just roll right on off,
I'll grab you!

Well, you don't have to shout.
I'm not hard of hearing.

My goodness.

Don't you think I'm too big a bird?

Shucks, no. Just roll right on off.
Come on. That's it.

Thank you.
Yeah.

It's most opportune
you being here, mister...?

Cartwright. Hoss. Just call me Hoss.

Oh, I'm Professor Phineas T. Klump.

Well, I'm happy to meet you, sir.
Well, thank you. Thank you.

I can see you've already met
my charming granddaughter, Amanda.

Yes, sir. Charming.

Come on, Grandpa,
let me take you back to the cabin.

You might have hurt yourself.

She's always clucking over me
like a mother hen, you know.

What about that tea
you were brewing?

Perhaps our friend here
would care for some of it.

Grandpa, remember what--?

Listen, we are really
indebted to Mr. Cartwright.

Now let's show him some
of that warm hospitality of the east.

That would be nice.

Well, that's mighty nice of you,
professor, but--

Well, I don't want
to cause you any trouble.

Well, it's no trouble, my goodness.

It's good to be talking
to a man again.

Men. Ugh!
Yes.

Now I suppose
she'll be worrying about me

climbing that tree
for my bird-watching. Heh, heh, heh.

Yeah.

Why don't we move
that ladder over?

Say, that's a sensational idea.
Yeah.

Why didn't I think of that myself?

Oh, that'll be great.

You have a very interesting name,
Hoss.

Yeah. Most people think it's Horse,
but it ain't, it's just plain Hoss.

Oh, no, not that one. Cartwright.
Oh.

Are you by any chance related
to Edmund Cartwright?

Well, not that I know of.
Is he a friend of yours?

A friend? No.

Oh, that I just could've touched
the hand of this genius.

Or shared in the secrets
of his brilliant mind, you know.

The man had a brilliant mind.
This Ed Cartwright?

Yes. Oh, there are men who walk
among us like giants, Hoss. Giants.

Why, he gave priceless gifts
to the world, you know.

You take the loom, for instance.

Who else would've thought
of using machines for spinning cotton?

This Ed Cartwright?
Yes, yes.

And what about
his alcohol-fueled engine?

There's no telling
where that one will end, you know.

You don't say.
Oh, brilliant man.

I hope to use the Cartwright
engine on one of my inventions.

You're an inventor too, professor?

Oh, inventing is my whole life, Hoss.

Why, it's the only doonNay left open
for opportunity.

Opportunity, huh?

Hey, maybe we ought to shut the door
so we could hear it knocking.

Let's see if the tea is ready.

Follow me. Hoss.

My Klumpmobile, you know.

There I was, lined up between
two horse-drawn carriages.

How they laughed at me.
Heh, heh, heh.

Well, professor, this Klumpmobile,

it didn't have no horse at all?

No, it was a completely
horseless carriage.

Yeah, well,
how did it do in the race?

It blew up. Right in their faces.

Boy, nearly scared the pants offth--

Pardon me, Grandpa.

Well, it did just about that.

Anyway, we came out here
to be away from people, you see.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, professor, you ain't gonna try

to get that Klumpmobile started again,
are you?

Oh, for heaven sakes, no.
That's a thing of the past. Heh, heh.

No.

I'm going into space now.

Grandfather, you promised.

Thank you, ma'am.

Why, that's the longest
Devil Wind yet.

This is the season, you know.

The wind only comes up the hill
twice a day.

Yeah, well--

Well, thank you a whole lot,
professor, for the tea.

I reckon I'd better be heading on out.
I'll--

Oh, no, no, no, don't leave.

Why, you haven't seen my invention.

But, professor, I think I better be--
No, listen.

You are gonna be one of the first
to lay your eyes

on the greatest gift
known to mankind.

This is the most important invention
since the wheel.

Important?
The most important.

I'm a modest man, Hoss,
but I tell you

that the future of the world
is out there in that shed.

And this is your opportunity to see it.

You know, I can almost hear it
knocking right now.

Let's go, professor.

Hoss, you prepare yourself
for the greatest sight

since the days of Leonardo DA Vinci.
Who?

Leonardo DA Vinci,
the great painter of the Mona Lisa.

Oh, yeah.

He was also a marvelous inventor.
Yeah.

Oh, he was centuries ahead
of his time.

Now, you just get ready.
Are you ready?

Yeah.

Look.

What is that contraption?

Well, I haven't named it yet.

But soon they'll take me soaring
over mountains and valleys...

You mean those are--?

Those are your flying machine?

Well, they will be
as soon as I can come up

with some means
of strapping them on, yes.

Are you sure it'll work?

Well, I'm as sure as DA Vinci was.

Hoss, look here.

See that?

Man has known for hundreds of years
that he could fly.

All that's been needed
is just one courageous soul to prove it.

You mean to tell me,
this has been going on all this time

and I didn't even know nothing
about it?

Well, it's a very simple principle.

It's like flying a kite.

You see,
the wind strikes an obstacle

and it splits,
and it flies over and under it.

And behind the object,
well, the air pressure lessens.

Besides that,
nature hates a vacuum.

So it rushes into replace it.

And the back end of the kite goes up,
or in this case, the man.

Yeah, I never thought about it. Ha.

And all you need is a harness, huh?

Well, or something to fasten them
together and on me, yes.

Professor, I got an idea.

There's gonna be another Cartwright
getting into this invention business.

If it's good enough
for Ed Cartwright,

it's good enough for Hoss Cartwright.
Come on.

Oh, that's wonderful. That's wonderful.

Well, what are you two doing?

Hoss-- Hoss is inventing a harness,
dear, for the wings, you know.

Oh, Grandpa, you look so silly.

Well, I feel silly.

I feel so--

Come on, Hoss.

It'll never work.
We can all three get in that

with room left over.
Yeah.

Ma'am, we don't need all of this.
See, I'll take some of that off.

When I get back to Ponderosa,
I'm gonna make a lariat.

And I can cinch it up tight, and
it'll fit him as tight as it did the horse.

Oh

You know,
it's a new Cartwright invention.

The Hoss Cartwright Harness.
Ha, ha. Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna go on back
to Ponderosa and get that lariat made.

Well, thank you, Hoss Cartwright.

I guess maybe I should apologize
for the way I welcomed you.

I mean, since you didn't turn out
to be one of those laughing hyenas.

Yeah. What?

Well, you know, like in Boston.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'll see you, ma'am.

Amanda? Amanda.
Here. Here, Grandpa, I'll help you.

Come on.
Oh, thank you.

Yes.

Oh, dog. How come you're always
half a jump ahead of me?

Because I'm half again
as smart as you are.

Hoss, how about a game
of checkers?

No, thank you, Joe.
I got a bunch of work here I gotta do.

All right, come on,
let's have one more.

All right, one more try and that's it.

What are those folks like
up on Devil Wind Hill?

Just ordinary folks, I reckon.

What's the daughter like?

Oh, she's about yay high
and yay wide.

So is the corral gate.
Yeah, what's she look like?

Well, she's got brown hair.

Shimmering around her shoulders,
soft and sweet.

No, sort of like a schoolmarm does it.
That's what it's like, yeah.

A topknot?
A schoolmarm?

Well, I reckon the specs maybe

reminds me of a schoolmarm
a little bit too.

She's awful smart Awful smart

That does it. Your move.

Sounds like a real beauty.

Adam, next time you're in town,
pick up the bills at the general store.

Right.

A lariat?

Yeah, son of.

What for?
A harness.

Pretty thin, isn't it?

Well, he's got a pretty thin horse.
Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah. Heh, heh. Yeah.

Hey, Pa, we got any kinfolk
in England?

Well, might have.

Name Cartwright goes way back.
Why?

Just wondering if we're any kin
to that Edmund Cartwright.

You mean the man
who invented the loom?

Yeah, that's who.
No.

He also invented an engine
that uses alcohol for fuel.

Ain't no telling
where that's gonna end.

What kind of fuel
have you been using lately?

Can I help you, ma'am?

Thank you. I'm looking for
Mr. Hoss Cartwright.

Miss Amanda, what's the matter?
It's Grandpa. He's stuck.

Stuck?
In the tree. He tried without the lariat.

You mean he tried to...?

And I can't get him down.

Is there something we can do?

No, no, Pa, I'll take care of it.
Come on, Miss Amanda.

Giddyap! Giddyap there! Ha!

Ha!

Well, imagine trying to climb a tree
without a lariat.

Imagine thinking
she looks like a schoolmarm.

Giddyap, giddyap.

Oh, good evening, Hoss.

It seems we're always meeting
at opposite ends of a tree.

Well, yeah, it sure does at that.

I thought you were gonna wait
for the lariat.

What's that?

I say, I thought you were gonna wait
for the lariat!

Oh, I just wanted
to make a small flight

from the lower branches of the tree.

Look, professor, can you get your
arms out of them wings?

No, I'm afraid not.

See, I strained my Iatissimus dorsi.

You what?

My Iatissimus dorsi, I strained it!

Maybe I ought
to go get a doctor, huh?

Oh, no, that won't be necessary,
Hoss, no.

You see, it's just that
I can't lift that arm,

but it'll be all right, it'll heal.

I wrenched a muscle, you see.

Yeah, well,
we'll have to do it another way.

Be careful with him, Hoss.
Yessum.

Here, I'll get it, I'll get it.

Oh, by the way, Hoss,
you know, your idea for the harness,

smashing success.

Yeah, it looks a little smashed.
Oh.

What about the wings?

Oh, there's just a few feathers
missing, that's all.

You see, it's my own wing
that I'm worried about.

This one here, you see.

Lift that other arm, professor.
Oh, I can't.

Oh, Grandpa!
No, I can't. It--

How long does it take
that Iatimus or thing

or whatever you call it,
how long does it take to heal?

Oh, about a month, maybe more.

I'll miss that Devil Wind
for sure, you know.

It only lasts another week.

You mean we can't do it?

Well, I can't. I can't.

You know, Hoss, I was just thinking.

You're not gonna see man in flight
after all. Heh, heh.

Too bad. Of course,
unless someone else decides

to do the honors, you know.

Yeah, dab-burn it,
that's too bad, professor.

Well, I'll do it, Grandpa.

Miss Amanda, you're a girl.

Well, what's that got to do with it?

Professor, will you tell her
that this is man's job?

All right, what man will do it?

Me!

Me?

Hey, Hess?

Hoss!

Adam, you seen Hoss?

Oh, you mean our brother? The one
that wants to be taken seriously?

Well, who else do I mean?

He's out there.

What's he doing?
He's flying a kite.

Hold this for me, will you?

What is it?
It's a book Hoss was reading.

"Birds of the Western World.”

Hey, what's happening, Hess?
Oh, nothing, dab-burn it.

Joe, you know anything
about these things?

I've been running 40 miles with this
this morning,

ain't got it over knee-high.
Hmm.

Oh, that's a real nice one.

Yeah, that's a nice one.
It's a well-made one.

Great day for flying.
Yeah.

Hey.

Joe, if I was to tell you something,
Hmm?

A big secret,

would you promise
not to laugh at me?

Hoss, have I ever?

You know I won't laugh. What is it?

Well, you know that Professor Klump
up on Devil Wind Hill?

Well, he's got this invention, see,

that's gonna change the world, Joe.
The whole dang world.

And I'm gonna fly it.

Fly it?

Yeah, that's what I'm doing out here
with this kite.

I'm trying to feel out the wind
a little bit.

I'm gonna fly, Joe, like a bird.

And then I'm gonna be one of them--
One of them giants among men.

What's so dab-burned funny?

My brother the bird.

Now, Joe, stop it!
I'm gonna fly to my nest.

Dang it, Joe!

You better stop it now, I'm telling you!

It's a great day to fly.

I said, step it and I mean it! Stop it!
Gonna put salt on my tail?

Joe, I mean it! Dab-burn it, stop it!
All right. I'm just joshing.

I'm joshing.
All right, I ain't. Now, you say it.

You say, "Hoss is gonna be a giant
among men." Now say it.

Hoss is gonna be a giant bird.

A giant among men. Now say it.
You 300-pound robin.

All right, come on.
No! Hey, no! No!

Into the water trough.
Not the--

You're gonna say it.
Oh, come on. Oh, come on.

One last time. You gonna say it?

Say, "Hoss is gonna be a giant
among men." Now say it.

Polly want a cracker? Ha-ha-ha.
Okay, Joe, that did it.

Now, are you gonna say it?

You gonna say it?

Well...

Oh, hi, Pa.

May I be so bold as to ask
what this is all about?

Well, dab-burn it, Pa,
I'm just trying to teach him

to take me a little more seriously,
that's all.

Oh, I see.

And at the risk of sounding
perhaps a little foolish,

does this belong to you?

Well, perhaps, just perhaps,

if you were to act
a little more seriously,

maybe people would take you
a little more seriously.

Buck, come on.

Ah! Forget it.

Dab-burn it, I'll teach you.
I'll teach you.

Any sign of him yet, Grandpa?

I can't understand it.

He knows we're testing today.

Oh, Grandpa, you don't suppose
he's like the others?

I mean, only humoring us?
Oh. Heh, heh, heh.

Oh, don't worry.
He'll be here, darling.

He promised, didn't he?

Oh, do I look all right?
Oh, you look just--

Why, Amanda, darling,
what have you done to yourself?

Well, I've gone and decided
to look like a girl.

Oh.
I mean, pretty. Is it all right?

All right? My goodness me.

All right? Ho-ho-ho.

Why, it's just wonderful.
It's wonderful.

Oh, Grandpa.

Oh, my goodness.

You look just like your mother
used to, you know?

Is it Hess?

Oh, he's so big and brave.

Grandpa, he's just wonderful.
Oh, yes, yes.

The world is full of wonderful men
if you'll just look around.

Big, brave, wonderful men.

But I guess you've met enough
of the other kind, huh?

Yes.

But that's all over now, is it?

No more suspicion?

No more distrust?

And no more going after strangers
with a gun, either.

Whoa.

Howdy, professor.
Hello, Hoss.

Miss Amanda, howdy.

This here is my little brother, Joe.

He's a Cartwright too.

Ain't you, Joe?

Yeah, that's what my daddy
calls me.

This was supposed to be a secret.

Amanda, aren't you gonna say hello
to the new guest?

Oh, um...

How do you do, Little Joe?
I don't believe we ever met formally.

No, ma'am, I don't believe we have--

Okay. Ooh!

Hi.

Hoss, you haven't told Little Joe
about, you know...?

Flying? Oh, yeah,
sure I told him, professor.

You did, eh? And didn't he...?

Laugh? No, not Little Joe.

He ain't got a laughing bone
in his body.

Ain't that right, little brother?

Oh, yeah, that's right.
They call me Old Sobersides.

What do you think
of your big, brave brother flying?

Well, ma'am,
there's nothing I'd rather see

than my big brother
taking a flying leap.

Oh, well, that's wonderful.
That's marvelous. Come on.

Come on, Amanda,
let's get to the test. Come on.

Oh, no. No, you don't. Come on,
put that horse right over there.

You ain't getting out of my sight
until after I make that test flight.

You'd go back and tell Pa and Adam
and everybody. Now put that horse up.

There. Ain't that a grand sight?

Yeah, what is it?
It's my wing, of course.

Exciting, isn't it?
Yeah, sure is.

I'm just making
a few improvements.

Oh, incidentally, Hoss,
I hope you don't mind,

but I ran shod of cash
down at the general store,

and I charged all our supplies
to your account.

I wouldn't have done it,

except that the things we needed
were really urgent.

Well, it's all right, professor.

Amanda, will you run in and get $17

and 40 cents for Hoss?

Oh, sure, Grandpa.

Your brother is gonna be
a very important man in these parts.

Oh, there won't be a person around
who hasn't heard of Hoss Cartwright

when we get finished.

I imagine you're right. There's not
too many folks in these pans

who fall out of trees
all over the place.

Not fall out, little brother. Fly out.
F-L-Y, fly.

Fly. Fly. I'm sorry,
that's what I meant. Fly.

Yes, fly. That's what he said
and that's what it is.

Oh, the vistas that Hoss
will open up for the whole world.

Think of it, Little Joe.

Men spanning mountains and rivers
and whole territories in one day.

Why, flight will open up
the locked doors to weary travelers,

and industry and commerce. Oh.

Industry and commerce?
Of course.

No more mule trains carrying supplies
over rocky terrains.

No more weary buckboard rides
into the nearest town.

Oh, my goodness.

When this flight is over,
man will be as free as a bird.

Oh, nothing's free, professor.
Huh?

I said, nothing is free, professor.

What are you gonna call this thing?

Well, I hadn't mentioned it, yet, but--

Here, Grandpa.
Oh, thank you. There you are, Hoss.

I have an idea, though. Ha, ha.

I shall call it the Hossmobile.

The Hossmobile?
Mm-hm.

Yes, the "mobile" for movability

and the "Hess" for the man
who's making the whole thing possible.

The Hossmobile.

That's a wonderful name, Grandpa.

Yeah, it's the kind of name
nobody could forget.

Well, we'll need something
to transport the wings, you know.

Oh, would you bring that ladder,
Little Joe?

Oh, sure thing.
Professor?

How are we gonna get the wings
up in that tree?

Tree? Wha--? The tree?

Yeah, well,
the one where you jumped.

Oh, Grandpa was just testing
the harness in the tree.

The flight is going to be
from Devil Wind Cliff.

Oh.
Yeah.

Watch out for these sticks, Hoss.

Hey, how heavy is this sack,
professor?

Oh, about the same weight as Hoss.
I picked it very carefully.

Our tests have to be
extremely scientific, you know.

Yeah, why do we have
to have a test for anyway?

You don't think I'd let the boy go off
without one, do you?

Why not?

My goodness. You see, science--
Science is based on experiment.

See, foolproof tests
before we allow humans to participate.

It's a son of trial and error.

Well, let's hope Hoss' flight
is a trial and not an error. Ha, ha, ha.

Now, look, Hoss, you just keep here,

the wings, you take them
right to the edge

and you wait for the Devil Wind
to start, okay?

Can you handle it?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, it's a big bird.
Yeah.

Grandpa,
I can hear the Devil Wind now.

Here it comes.

Here it comes, Hoss.

Push the wings over.

Give it a shove.

Yeah, let her go.

We did it, Hess! We did it!

Tomorrow, my boy,
you will be the sack of grain. Ha, ha, ha.

Where did you learn to sew
so fast, anyhow?

Necessity, brother, necessity.

How am I gonna get you off that cliff

if I don't get these wings patched up
from the test?

Yeah, the test.

Look.

Little Joe, maybe there's something
you ought to know.

You know that book I've been studying,
that bird book?

Mm-hm.

Well, it's up in the hayloft
back at the house,

and folded inside the pages

are my last will and testimony.

Just in case something goes wrong.

Goes wrong?

What do you mean, goes wrong?
I got a lot of plans made.

Plans?
Yeah, plans.

Hoss, that professor makes a lot
of sense if you'd just listen to him.

I did. I did.
Well, then you must realize

there's a tremendous future
in this flying business. Tremendous.

We'll make a fortune.

Flying?
Sure, flying.

Look, after you make this first flight,
Hoss, we make our own wings then.

For what?
For you.

Hoss, I can rent you out
all over this territory.

I can rent you out for errands,

I can rent you out for circuses.
You dirty, rotten, scheming little--

You think I'd go through this again,
risk my neck for money?

Well, why not?
You're doing it today for nothing!

Oh, I see you've finished there.

Well, I'm just about finished,
professor.

But Hoss seems to be
all thumbs today.

Oh, well, I'd be myself, son,
if I were about to fly.

Say, Little Joe, will you--?

Will you finish that other one there?
Sure.

Thanks a lot, because Hoss
has to get his final instructions.

Gee, how I envy you. Heh, heh, heh.

I wish I were the one
going into space.

Yeah, so do I.

Huh?

I just said, I love to fly.

Oh, well, that's wonderful. Come on.

I'll take you over there.

You see, when you get up
on top of the hill,

now this Devil Wind--
Are you listening to me, Hoss? Hoss.

You see, the Devil Wind comes...

Hey, Hoss!

Joe!

Hey, Pa wants you.

Hey!

Oh, not that again.

"Last will and testimony
of Hoss Cartwright."

Now, look, Hoss,
if you land on the slope,

you know, keep flapping,
don't let the wings drag you.

You control them.

You see, a bird in landing,
well, he uses his feet.

He lands on his feet.
You do the same.

You land on your heels and that will
keep you from falling on your face.

Now, I'll tell you what.
I'll go and see if the wings are ready.

You know,
I think you might practice.

It won't hurt anyhow.

Hey, Pa.

Did you find Hess?
No, but--

He'd better have
a pretty good explanation

for buying these little things
from the general store.

Just read that.

"Three dozen ladies' corset stays,

two egret-plumed hats,

one dozen goose-feathered pillows,

and a 250-pound sack of grain."

Has he gone right out of his mind?

Oh, yes, his mind. Look at that.

"Last will and testimo--"

"I, Hoss Cartwright
of Virginia City Territory, Nevada,

declare this to be
my last will and testimony."

Now, what's all this about?

Ladies' corsets, pillows,

a whole trousseau, and then the will.
Well?

Haven't you ever heard
of a shotgun wedding?

Hess? Heh.

Ah. You either get married or get shot,
so the will.

Oh, no, no, no.

You got any better ideas?

No.

But we can sure find out.

Joe, I just can't do it.

What do you mean, you can't do it?
There's nothing to it.

If it's so easy, then how about
you taking my place, huh?

No, no. Don't you get the point?

Someday maybe we'll want
to carry passengers.

You're the only bird big enough
to do it.

Oh, golly, Hoss, you look wonderful.

Hey, that's almost worth flying for.

But the rewards will be much greater
than a mere kiss. Oh.

Oh, gee, Hoss, that was fun.

Oh, but we've got more important
things to do. Come on. Come on.

To the runway there.

What do you mean
by the runway, professor?

Oh, the path I cleared there.

See, now Hoss will run
right down to the edge,

and then take off. That's it.
Heh, heh, heh.

Hoss.

Hoss, I want you to give it
all you got.

Really go, Hoss.

Now remember, Hoss,
it's like diving into the water.

That's all it is.

But, professor, I can't even swim.

Oh, don't worry about swim, Hess?

Just flap, brother. Just flap.

Listen.

Oh, that's the Devil Wind
starting up now.

Hot diggity.

Grandpa, it's gonna be a big one!

Now, get on your mark.

All right, Hoss, wings up.

All right, let's go now.

Come on, on your mark. Get set.

Give it all you got, Hoss!

Go ahead, Hoss.

Hey, look.

That's the biggest bird I ever saw.

That's no bird.

That's your brother! Come on!

Hey!

Hey, what's the matter with you?
Come on, fly, will you?

I got a rock in my boot, Joe.
That's it. Yeah.

Oh, giant among men.
He's got a ro-- Which boot?

Hurry up, we'll lose the wind!

What have you got
these boots on with?

Rock. Rock. Unh!

There ain't no rock in that boot.
Hurry, it's coming back!

Come on, brother, wing it!

Come on! That's it, wing it! Wing it!

What a big bird!

The wind is blowing him!

Sideways!
Yes!

Hey, Hoss, get off of there!
Just fly, will you?

I can't, Joe!

I got my woolly sock caught
on a nail!

Ugh! All right, I'll get you off!

Hoss, don't do it!

Aah!

Aah! Whoo-hoo!

Aah! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Hoss!

Look!

Hoss!
Down here!

Adam, get a rope.

I see you're playing this game too,
Joseph.

Me? No, not exactly, Pa.
It was Professor Klump's invention.

I think I'll go help Adam.

Professor, Klump.

Yes? Oh, Mr. Cartwright.

How do you do?
I'm Professor Klump.

Yes. Your son just took a plunge
toward immortality. Heh, heh.

Yeah, well,
it looks like he almost made it.

What's been going on up here?

Why, didn't you know?

This was Hoss' big opportunity
to prove that man can fly.

Man can fly?

Yeah, but unfortunately the--

Hey, professor.

Professor, we did it. We did it.

We did?
Yeah.

Didn't you see? Oh, hi, Pa.

You all right, son?
Yeah.

See what, Hess?

Professor, I'd have flown all the way
to Virginia City,

if that wind hadn't pushed me down.

What?
Yeah.

Yeah. Didn't anybody see it?

Dab-burn it, I took off
like I shot out of a cannon.

And the wind stopped the flight?

Sure did. Professor, that wind
ain't no good whatsoever for flying.

No, sir. What a man needs is a feller
to fall on a ladder like Little Joe did.

That's what's gonna make a man fly.

Oh, a fulcrum.

Well, bless my soul, I never--

A fulcrum, of all things.

Sure. Yeah.

What's a fulcrum?

A lever, you know,
the catapult principle.

Oh, I see that you have
a scientific mind too, Mr. Cartwright.

Say, Amanda,
we're going to Washington.

We'll get this thing patented.

And maybe we can get
some financial interest.

Now?
Yeah, why not?

They may call me a crackpot,
but I don't care, let them.

I've seen it done.

Now go ahead, dear, and pack.
Go on.

I'll write to you, I promise.

Hoss, the world owes you a debt.
A big debt.

You know, we-- Where's Ben?

You know, we should've gone further
than DA Vinci.

We should've gone all the way
back to Archimedes.

You mean, "Give me a fulcrum
and I can move the world."

Yeah, that's exactly what he said,
Mr. Cartwright.

And that's just
what Hoss has proven.

Good boy, Hoss. Ha, ha.

Pa, you ain't mad, are you?

Well, how can I be mad at a man
who has so much faith in science,

and so much faith in my son?

Oh, shucks, Pa. He didn't know
how scared I was, until I landed.

Hey, there's just one thing
I wanna know.

Now, were you just humoring
that old man or did you really fly?

Little brother, like I always told you,
you gotta have faith.

Why, with faith,
you can move a mountain.

Up you go.

Don't fly away again.

What do you think?

Well, I'll go along with faith
moving mountains,

but flying over them?

I don't know, Adam.

I just don't know.

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