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1
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[theme music begins]
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[theme music continues]
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[theme music concludes]
4
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[theme music]
5
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,949
- This is where everybody is.
6
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,384
Well, what's going on.
7
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- Dad's a celebrity -
- Yeah.
8
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:53,720
- Everyone is talking about
9
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:55,055
the latest issue
of "Cosmic Cow".
10
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,390
- Well, no kidding.
11
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:58,391
What brought all this on?
12
00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,859
- Well, I had this story
13
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,895
where President Reagan
came down with the flu
14
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:04,964
and Nancy had to take over and
run the country for the day.
15
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,566
- Oh, I love it.
16
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,401
- So she sent for
Cosmic Cow to help her
17
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:10,770
and together they lowered
inflation, balanced the budget,
18
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,105
settled the Middle East crisis.
19
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,540
- And saved Chrysler.
20
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,408
[audience laughs]
21
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:16,876
- Dad.
22
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,345
That kind of satire
can open up
23
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,245
a whole new audience.
- Yeah.
24
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,113
- That's right.
25
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,247
They could even make
a movie out of it
26
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,083
like "Superman" and "Popeye".
27
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,851
- Or even a Broadway
musical, like, like "Annie".
28
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:26,720
- Well, all right,
everybody out, out, out.
29
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,654
I've got work to do.
30
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:28,988
- Okay.
- Okay.
31
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,390
- Thank you.
- [Together] Bye, Dad.
32
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,125
- You're welcome.
[theme music]
33
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:32,992
- Hi.
34
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:33,993
- Oh, hi Honey.
35
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,895
I'm sorry I'm late,
36
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,831
my interview ran a little
longer than I expected,
37
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:39,899
but I stopped at the market
and bought a ham for dinner.
38
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,301
- Forget the ham.
39
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,669
We're going out
for dinner tonight.
40
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:43,670
- How come?
41
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,372
- We're celebrating.
42
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:46,973
You'll, you'll never believe
the reaction I've been getting
43
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,808
from this month's
issue of "Cosmic Cow".
44
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,344
Wainwright will probably
want to give me a raise.
45
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:52,245
- Oh, I am so glad.
46
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,113
[Henry laughs]
47
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,414
I know you were
a little hesitant
48
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,415
about poking fun
at the White House.
49
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,416
- Everybody loved it.
50
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Especially the ending,
51
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where President Reagan
offered Cosmic Cow
52
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,087
the ambassadorship to India.
53
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,056
[laughs]
[audience laughs]
54
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,958
- Let me put these things away
and then I'll just go change.
55
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,493
- Okay.
56
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,128
- How did your interview
57
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,496
with the "Ladies
World Journal" go?
58
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,765
- Oh, very well.
59
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,433
They really flattered
me with their offer.
60
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,434
- That's wonderful.
61
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,502
- No, not really.
62
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:16,836
I don't think I want the job.
63
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:17,837
- Why not?
64
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,506
- Well, first of all,
65
00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:20,874
it's full time and I
don't have the time.
66
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,109
Second, it's not really
what I want to do.
67
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,577
The position they offered me was
68
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,079
head of the
photographic department.
69
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,580
- What's wrong with that?
70
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:28,581
- Well,
71
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,483
Henry,
72
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:31,885
I don't want to be inside
giving out assignments.
73
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:32,952
I want to be outside
filling the assignments.
74
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:33,953
- Hmm.
75
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,789
- I am a photographer.
76
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,424
[doorbell rings]
77
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:38,091
Who could that be?
78
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:38,892
- I'll get it.
79
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:43,963
[audience laughs]
80
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,899
- Is that all I got for $70?
81
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:48,535
[audience laughs]
82
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,103
- Ah, hello Regis.
83
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,472
- Good evening. Mr. Rush.
84
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:53,473
- Um,
85
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,776
[audience laughs]
86
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,512
isn't Mr. Wainwright with you?
87
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,715
- He's waiting downstairs
in the limousine.
88
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,684
He asked me to give you
89
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,852
this message.
90
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,525
- Oh Regis, how nice to see you.
91
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:13,526
- Mrs. Rush.
92
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,394
- Muriel.
93
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:15,762
- Huh?
94
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,564
- Mr. Wainwright just
flew in from Europe,
95
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:19,866
picked up a copy of
"Cosmic Cow" at the airport
96
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,668
and was appalled.
97
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,103
- Why?
98
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,771
- "How could you
allow 'Cosmic Cow'
99
00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:26,706
"to be disrespectful
to the Oval Office?
100
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,075
How dare you place the
Wainwright Publishing Company
101
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:32,712
in such an unpatriotic
and un-American light."
102
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,515
- It's absurd of him
to feel that way.
103
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,883
- Well, you tell Mr. Wainwright
104
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,451
that I'm in complete
disagreement.
105
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,823
[audience laughs]
106
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:52,432
"I expected you to
disagree with me.
107
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,835
So I'll come right to the point.
108
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,604
In your next issue,
109
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,506
you will have that pinko cow
110
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:02,909
make a formal apology to the
president and the first lady."
111
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:08,948
Well, you tell
him that I refuse.
112
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:14,487
[audience laughs]
113
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,056
What have you got,
a post office in there?
114
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,825
[audience laughs]
115
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:24,364
"You're fired."
116
00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:27,734
He fired me, Muriel.
117
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,272
- I don't believe this.
118
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,444
- Well, you tell Mr. Wainwright
119
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:39,646
there are many things
that I might do for money,
120
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:43,116
but compromising my creative
rights isn't one of them.
121
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:46,753
- Mr. Wainwright also
anticipated that attitude
122
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,456
and gave me one final
message for you.
123
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,590
- Oh, he did, did he?
124
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,092
All right, well let's have it.
125
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,093
[sputtering noise]
126
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,895
[audience laughs]
127
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,299
[audience applauds]
128
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,338
- Oh, this job
sounds interesting.
129
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:08,208
"Wanted, responsible male.
130
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:12,312
Travel, excitement, adventure,
full hospital benefits.
131
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,214
- What kind of a job is it?
132
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,648
- Driving a bus in Los Angeles.
133
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:17,517
[audience laughs]
134
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:20,220
- Hm, I don't think your
father would be interested.
135
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,421
He served in one war.
136
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,289
That's enough.
137
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,059
- Mom, it's been two weeks
since he lost his job.
138
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:28,561
He's getting awfully depressed.
139
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,230
- You know,
I can't understand
140
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:31,431
why he's having such
a tough time of it.
141
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,166
He's so talented.
142
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,535
- Well, he's 51 years old.
143
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,671
Most employers want
somebody younger.
144
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,374
Ah.
145
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,475
- Bills.
146
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,377
Bills, bills.
147
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,080
God, how I hate envelopes
with little windows in them.
148
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,415
[audience laughs]
149
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:49,416
- Sit down, Dad.
150
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,317
- Oh, thanks Honey.
151
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,385
- Things will pick up, Henry.
152
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,520
You'll see.
153
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:54,621
I'll get you some breakfast.
154
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,590
- I could swear,
when I was younger,
155
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,392
the want ads were
printed in bigger type.
156
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:02,629
Nothing.
157
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,264
Absolutely nothing.
158
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:07,434
Well ...
159
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:09,436
- Dad, if it'll help,
160
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,204
Jackie and I can
move back upstairs
161
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:12,605
and you could rent our apartment
162
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,040
for more money
than we're paying.
163
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,111
Than we're supposed
to be paying.
164
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:21,514
[audience laughs]
165
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,149
Than we owe you.
166
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,719
[audience laughs]
- That's right.
167
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:28,254
Girls, I appreciate
your kind offer.
168
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,657
But don't worry,
I'll find something.
169
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:32,926
- We know you will.
170
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,161
Gotta go.
171
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,530
- [both]
Bye, Dad.
172
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:38,531
- So long.
- Bye, Mom.
173
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,600
- Goodbye, Honey.
174
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,469
Ah, Henry.
175
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:45,071
You know, I've been thinking.
176
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,775
When you were a young man,
177
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:52,412
what was it that you
always wanted to be?
178
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:53,213
Think back.
179
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,749
- Elizabeth Taylor's husband.
180
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,584
[audience laughs]
181
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,119
- Which one?
182
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,021
- All of them.
183
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,655
- No, you want it
to be a painter.
184
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:03,656
- Hm, well.
185
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:04,691
- A serious painter.
186
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,326
[Henry chuckles]
187
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,727
For years, you've
been complaining
188
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,295
that you're so busy
earning a living
189
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,031
that you don't
have time to paint.
190
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,732
Now you have that time.
191
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,502
Take it.
192
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,302
Use it.
193
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,438
Paint.
194
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,540
- Who's going to pay the bills?
195
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,209
- Well, that position at
"Ladies World" is still open.
196
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,112
- Muriel,
197
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,114
I'm not going to let you
go to work and support me.
198
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:31,051
- Oh, come on, stop
being so old-fashioned.
199
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,419
We're a team, a family.
200
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,056
What difference does it
make who supports whom?
201
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,258
- But you don't want that job.
202
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,194
- Well it's, it's only temporary
203
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,430
until something
shows up for you.
204
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,569
- I've got to admit
it would be nice
205
00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:52,539
to hold a brush
in my hand again.
206
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,377
Paint on canvas
instead of cardboard.
207
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,079
- And there's no need
to worry about money.
208
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,748
With my salary and your
unemployment insurance
209
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:04,084
- Unemployment insurance?
Muriel,
210
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,553
I never collected unemployment
insurance in my life.
211
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,154
It's, it's, it's demeaning.
212
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,290
I mean just the thought
of going down there
213
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,593
and waiting around all those
hours with nobody to talk to.
214
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,328
- What do you mean
no one to talk to?
215
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,230
There are hundreds
of people there.
216
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,765
- Yes, but nobody
that speaks English.
217
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:21,601
[audience laughs]
218
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,236
You know how tough it is
219
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:24,437
for minorities to
get work these days?
220
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,706
Those poor people.
221
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,410
Come down there
with their wives,
222
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,078
their kids,
223
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,246
their chickens.
224
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,148
[audience laughs]
225
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,217
- Hello, "Ladies World"?
226
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,552
May I speak with
Mrs. Gonzalez please?
227
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,255
[audience laughs]
228
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:45,191
[theme music plays]
229
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:51,064
[theme music plays]
230
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,879
- You don't happen to have
the right time, do you?
231
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:06,746
- It's 11:30.
232
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:07,881
- Hm.
233
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,215
- It gets slower every year.
234
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,717
- You've been here before?
235
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,352
- It's my second home.
236
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,287
[audience laughs]
237
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,189
- What do you do for a living?
238
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,757
- This is it, I
collect unemployment.
239
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,460
[audience laughs]
240
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,594
- I don't understand.
241
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,697
I mean,
this is my first time.
242
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,698
Ah, what do you mean?
243
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,436
- I take a job
and I stay with it
244
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,404
long enough just to
build up a claim.
245
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,206
Then I get myself fired
and I come down here
246
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,674
and I collect unemployment
247
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,276
and I go to the beach
and I go sailing.
248
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,277
It's a good life.
249
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:40,347
[audience laughs]
250
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,817
- You mean, you've never had
one job for any length of time?
251
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,385
- Oh yeah, sure.
252
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,386
Right after I
graduated from Yale.
253
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,854
[audience laughs]
254
00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,122
I went to work for a
television network.
255
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:50,223
- Really, what'd you do?
256
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,360
- I was vice-president
in charge of programming.
257
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,129
[audience laughs]
258
00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,265
- You mean you went
straight from college
259
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,667
into an important job like that?
260
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,236
- Oh no, no, no.
261
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,105
I started out in
the mail room first.
262
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,540
I didn't get to be vicepresident
until three months later.
263
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,809
[audience laughs]
264
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,479
- Well, if you don't mind my
saying so I think you're crazy.
265
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,415
- Why?
266
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,883
- Well, why would a
man in his right mind
267
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,518
leave a vice-presidency
at a television network?
268
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,353
I mean, you were responsible
269
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,288
for what the American public
watched on television.
270
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,290
- That's why I left.
My life was in danger.
271
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,226
[audience laughs]
272
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:26,893
- [Ms. Sexauer] Mr. Rush,
your appointment is next.
273
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:28,628
Mr. Henry Rush.
274
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,230
- I'm here,
275
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:30,764
I'm here, I'm here. -
- Mr. Henry Rush.
276
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:31,765
- Shush?
277
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,401
[audience laughs]
278
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,435
- "Shush"?
279
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,536
It says here "Rush".
280
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,339
[audience laughs]
281
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,410
You know, I thought that was
a strange name, "Henry Rush".
282
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,178
- It is "Rush".
283
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:46,613
- Then why did you say "Shush"?
284
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:47,614
I just didn't want
you to call it out.
285
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,716
It was embarrassing.
286
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,719
- Your name is nothing
to be embarrassed about.
287
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,654
You want to see
embarrassed, Honey?
288
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:58,692
- "Sexauer"?
289
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:01,494
- Now, shush, Rush.
290
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,700
[both laugh]
291
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:09,869
It says on your application
that you're a cartoonist.
292
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,504
- That's correct.
293
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,406
- Well, I have to
warn you, Mr. Rush,
294
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,674
we don't have very many
openings for cartoonists.
295
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,842
- That doesn't surprise me.
296
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,544
- Would you consider taking
297
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,846
temporary employment
in another field?
298
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,115
- If it were a
temporary, I would.
299
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,650
- Good.
300
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,186
Do you have a permit
to carry a gun?
301
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,288
[audience laughs]
302
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,757
- A gun?
What for?
303
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:31,791
- Well we have an
opening for a bus driver.
304
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,327
[audience laughs]
305
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,628
- I, I don't think so.
306
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,263
- But it pays very well.
307
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,132
The man who had the
job hated to leave it.
308
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,767
He'd still be there,
if were alive.
309
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,168
[audience laughs]
310
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,370
- I'm not interested.
311
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,138
What else do you have?
312
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:47,273
- Not very much
for a man your age.
313
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,110
Plasterer's assistant?
314
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:50,777
- Uh-uh.
315
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:51,578
- Dishwasher.
316
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,280
Grape picker.
317
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,117
Oh, but you need
experience for that.
318
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,418
[audience laughs]
319
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,819
- I'm a cartoonist.
320
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,155
A creative artist.
321
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:06,326
I mean, I've I spend many
years perfecting my craft
322
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,161
and I find myself being
offered menial jobs,
323
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:09,529
unskilled labor.
324
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,664
I-- I-- I'm not
interested in that.
325
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:14,167
- Mr. Rush, you have to make
yourself available for work
326
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,468
or you won't be eligible
327
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,537
to collect unemployment
compensation.
328
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,206
- Oh, that's fine with me.
329
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,675
I don't want any.
330
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,243
I'm an artist.
331
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,411
I'll go home and paint.
332
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,412
Even if I have to starve,
333
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,546
I won't be the first.
334
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,314
Thanks, but, uh, no thanks.
335
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:29,716
- Ah, Mr. Rush,
336
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,885
there is an opening for
a network executive.
337
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,620
No experience necessary.
338
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,423
[audience laughs]
339
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,360
- Yeah.
340
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,361
Yeah, that's good.
341
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,466
For the first time in my
life I'm genuinely impressed
342
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,600
with something I've done.
343
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,603
I'm really pleased.
344
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,738
[chuckles]
345
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,407
Wait until Muriel comes home
from work and sees it.
346
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:58,211
- When can I sit, Mr. Rush?
347
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,113
- Monroe you've been
asking me that all week.
348
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,514
I told you not
'til it's finished.
349
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,383
Now just stand there
and don't move.
350
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,221
- Mr. Rush, I have to scratch.
351
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,225
- Well go ahead and scratch.
352
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,660
- I'll have to
put my sword down.
353
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:16,262
- Don't, don't, don't
put the sword down.
354
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,698
All right, just
hold that position.
355
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:21,234
If you have to
scratch, use the sword.
356
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:22,736
- Oh, no, not where I itch.
357
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,704
[audience laughs]
358
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:26,139
- Fini.
359
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:26,873
- Oh, good.
360
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:28,108
- Yeah.
361
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,242
You can see it now.
362
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:31,344
- I'm really excited about this.
363
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,579
[both laugh]
364
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,382
[audience laughs]
365
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:39,119
- There it is.
366
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,321
You've driven me crazy all
week, but it was worth it.
367
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,188
- Yeah.
368
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,189
- Look at it.
369
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,391
Look at that depth,
370
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,258
- Uh huh.
371
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,126
- the intensity,
372
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:46,793
- Mm-hm.
373
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,628
- The tale.
374
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,530
I must say, it's by far
375
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,599
the best piece of
work I've ever done.
376
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,668
- I hate it.
377
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:57,437
[audience laughs]
378
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,571
- What do you--
379
00:13:58,605 --> 00:13:59,606
What do you mean you hate it?
380
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,544
- Well, I don't get the feeling
that he's a true gladiator.
381
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,148
I mean, he lacks strength.
382
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,783
He lacks character.
383
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:14,087
He lacks that certain
indomitable fighting spirit.
384
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,855
You haven't captured
the real me, Mr. Rush.
385
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:18,658
[audience laughs]
386
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,361
- If I could capture
the real you,
387
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,362
I wouldn't put you on canvas.
388
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,130
I'd put you in a cage.
389
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,732
- What do you know
about art, anyway?
390
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,467
- Well, I know what I like.
391
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,369
- Well, in the first place,
392
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,638
you don't judge a painting
by standing so close to it.
393
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:33,573
Here, stand back here.
394
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,542
You have to stand back to
get a proper perspective.
395
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,111
There.
396
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,648
Now tell me you don't like it.
397
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,183
- I don't like it.
398
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,218
[audience laughs]
399
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:47,153
- You're standing too close.
400
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,122
There.
401
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:49,989
- Doesn't do it.
402
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,295
[door slams]
[audience laughs]
403
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,397
I like this one out
here in the hallway.
404
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,832
[audience laughs]
405
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,234
Nice little [indistinct]
406
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:02,035
- Get in here!
407
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:05,171
[door slams]
408
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,306
You stand right there
409
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,607
and you look at that painting
410
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,044
and you tell me what it is
about it that bothers you.
411
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:16,116
- Well, that line on his face
doesn't look quite right.
412
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,217
- But that's
supposed to be there.
413
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,218
He's a soldier.
414
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,219
It's a battle scar.
415
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,086
- No, no, no, no.
416
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,521
Not the scar.
417
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,856
The one on the other
side of his face.
418
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,157
- What line?
419
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,158
- Uh, Mr. Rush.
420
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,159
It's this one, right?
421
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,427
[painting crashes]
422
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,230
[audience laughs]
423
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,336
- You.
You, you--
424
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,239
- If you have any Elmer's glue
I can patch it.
425
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,373
- You.
426
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,174
You!
427
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,177
Hand me that sword.
428
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,345
- What are you gonna do with it?
429
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,746
- You'll be the first to know.
430
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,819
[theme music]
431
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,559
- Henry, I'm home.
432
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,935
Oh, hi sweetheart.
433
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,170
I'm sorry I'm late.
434
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,038
[pan slams]
435
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,707
We had an afternoon meeting
that just wouldn't quit.
436
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,243
[oven door slams]
437
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,044
What's wrong?
438
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:20,647
- What's wrong?
439
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,915
What's wrong?
440
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,283
You come home three hours late.
441
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,051
My roast is ruined
442
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:26,486
and you have the
nerve to come home
443
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,488
at 8:30 at night and
ask me what's wrong?
444
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:29,622
[audience laughs]
445
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,558
- I told you I was in a meeting.
446
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,160
- How was I supposed to know
that you were in a meeting?
447
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,161
You didn't even
have the courtesy
448
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,229
to call me on the phone.
449
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,065
For all I know, you could
have been in an accident.
450
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,166
- I'm sorry.
451
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,068
I should have called, but I,
452
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,937
I just didn't think I should
walk out of the meeting.
453
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:46,172
And I mean, none of the other
women called their husbands.
454
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,209
- Look at this.
455
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,643
- Hmm.
456
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,212
- This was a five
pound roast ...
457
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,481
[indistinct]
[audience laughs]
458
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,449
Now there's barely
enough for one person.
459
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,486
- You have it, I already ate.
460
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,355
[roast slams]
461
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,024
[audience laughs]
462
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,393
Well, they sent out
for Chinese food.
463
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,028
Oh, Henry.
464
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,163
I, I didn't know
when I took this job
465
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,032
I'd have to put
in so many hours.
466
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,135
I don't like it any
better than you do.
467
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,374
Oh, come on, honey.
468
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,410
This has been such
a horrendous day.
469
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,047
Can't we salvage
what's left of it?
470
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,250
Look, I'll--
471
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,618
I'll go jump in the shower
472
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,654
and change into
something comfortable
473
00:17:34,688 --> 00:17:38,324
and meet you in the
bedroom in 10 minutes.
474
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,260
- Don't pull that on me.
475
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,063
[audience laughs]
476
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,398
You think you can waltz in here
477
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,300
after hours,
478
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,202
ruin my dinner
479
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,504
and then try to make it up
to me by suggesting sex?
480
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,208
Well, that won't
work with me, Muriel.
481
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,178
- It always worked with me.
482
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,647
[audience laughs]
483
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,015
Henry, come on.
484
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:03,650
My darling.
485
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:08,455
[audience laughs]
486
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:11,191
Henry!
487
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,265
[Henry laughs]
488
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,734
- Well, are you just
going to stand there,
489
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,534
or are you going to
get in that shower?
490
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,635
- [indistinct]
491
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,204
[doorbell rings]
492
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,039
- I'll get rid of whoever it is.
493
00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:30,477
- Hi, Dad.
494
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,245
- Oh hi, uh, what do you want?
495
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:33,680
- Dad, it's us.
496
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,048
- I know,
I have a good memory.
497
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:36,282
What do you want?
498
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,417
We want to see Mom.
499
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,551
We haven't seen her in a week.
500
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,053
- Well, she's looking the same.
501
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:41,554
Thank you, goodnight.
502
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:42,689
- Dad, what's wrong with you?
503
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,491
- Nothing's wrong with me.
504
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,092
I'd just like to spend a
little time with my wife, okay?
505
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,527
- It's only 8:30, you'll
have plenty of time.
506
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,562
- I want to see her now.
507
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,563
Why don't you come
back a little later?
508
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,198
About 11:30?
509
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,067
- 11:30, we'll be
asleep by then.
510
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,468
- I'll wake you.
511
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,237
- I wonder if
you're on something.
512
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,040
[audience laughs]
513
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,284
[shoes clatter]
514
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:17,190
[audience laughs]
515
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,060
[pants clatter]
516
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:23,463
[audience laughs and claps]
517
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,400
[doorbell rings]
518
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:31,938
[doorbell rings again]
[audience laughs]
519
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:35,075
- I'm going to have to get
those girls a better clock.
520
00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:37,944
- Henry.
521
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,079
[whistles]
522
00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:39,946
- Ho, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
523
00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:43,283
[audience laughs]
524
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,652
- Is this 11:30?
525
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,686
Oops.
526
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,054
[audience laughs]
527
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,723
Excuse me, Regis.
528
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:53,059
- I have 8:42, and I have
this from Mr. Wainwright.
529
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,062
- Thank you, Regis.
530
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:56,663
Goodnight, Regis.
531
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,234
- [Muriel]
Where are you?
532
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,036
- Coming, coming, coming.
533
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,170
- [Muriel]
What are you reading?
534
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,238
- It's from Wainwright.
535
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,976
Muriel, he's hired me back
536
00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:11,344
with no strings attached.
537
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,347
Oh, why did he do that?
538
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,516
- I don't know,
but it's wonderful.
539
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,650
- Huh.
540
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,386
- When can I quit my job?
541
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:20,286
- You just did.
542
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,124
[both laugh]
543
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,058
- Ah, Henry.
544
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,361
[phone rings]
545
00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:31,898
Hello.
546
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,901
It's the president
of the United States.
547
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,304
- Now?
548
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,339
Tell him I'm busy.
549
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,306
[audience laughs]
550
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,441
- I mean it.
551
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,043
It's the White House calling.
552
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,411
They're putting the
president on right now.
553
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,515
- Hello?
554
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,250
Yes, it is.
555
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:54,487
Mr. President?
556
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,691
This isn't Rich Little,
is it?
557
00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:01,094
[audience laughs]
558
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:01,895
It isn't.
559
00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:07,067
How do you do, sir?
560
00:21:10,070 --> 00:21:10,670
You did?
561
00:21:10,704 --> 00:21:12,405
You really did?
562
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:13,239
You liked it?
563
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,309
- That's why Wainwright
hired you back.
564
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:18,178
- Well, it's nice to know
565
00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:20,113
there's a man in the Oval
Office with a sense of humor.
566
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:21,281
[chuckles]
567
00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:24,150
Look I, I can't express my,
568
00:21:24,184 --> 00:21:26,619
my joy at this phone
call, Mr. President.
569
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:29,556
I, I feel exceptionally honored.
570
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:30,924
What's that Mr. President?
571
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,961
Operator, get off the line.
572
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:35,962
Well you just interrupted
573
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,364
a very important ...
574
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:38,565
I don't care if it
is an emergency call.
575
00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:39,632
I won't accept it.
576
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:41,401
You just interrupted ...
577
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:43,236
I'm talking to the
President of the United ...
578
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:44,104
Hello?
579
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:44,904
Hello?
580
00:21:46,106 --> 00:21:47,540
Monroe!
581
00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:48,575
How dare you call me
at a time like this!
582
00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:50,276
[audience laughs]
583
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:52,479
[phone slams]
584
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:57,417
[theme music]
[audience claps]
585
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:01,221
[theme music]
38916
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