Original subtitles

(upbeat theme music)

(upbeat theme music)

(door opens)

- Hi, Sarah.

- Not now, Monroe.

- But I have to talk to you. It's it's important.

- Later Monroe.

(door creaking)

(audience laughing lightly)

- Oh, you want me to come back when your neck gets better?

(audience laughing loudly)

Monroe!

I have company.

Wayne Hartfield, the football player.

- Oh.

Hi!

You're number 57.

I didn't recognize you without your shoulder pads.

Boy, I'm a big fan of yours.

I go to all the games

and yell DEFENSE, DEFENSE!

(audience laughing hysterically)

You're truly my hero.

(Monroe giggling excitedly)

- Oh! Thanks!

- Yeah! Get rid of the dumb job.

(audience laughing)

- Goodbye Monroe!

- Goodbye, number 57.

(door slamming)

- Sorry, Wayne.

Now where were we?

- I don't remember.

But why don't we take it from the top?

Your top?

(audience giggling loudly)

- Wayne, I'm very attracted to you,

but I invited you here to study

and that's exactly what we're going to do.

For now.

- Okay. But it's not easy with a tutor

as put together like you.

Could you put on some glasses or something?

Preferably the kind with the rubber nose and the mustache?

(audience laughing loudly)

(Sarah laughing shyly)

(door bell rings)

Suit of armor wouldn't hurt either.

- Yes?

- So that's what you look like.

- I beg your pardon?

- I had a feeling he'd go for a body

but this is overdoing it.

(audience laughs)

- I think you have the wrong address.

- Is something the matter?

- I haven't the slightest idea who this woman is

or what she's even talking about.

- Does Alex know about him?

(audience laughing reluctantly)

- Who is Alex?

- Oh, you are wonderful.

(Brunette woman clapping hands)

I mean, sensational.

For the best actress in the role of a husband stealer,

the winner is whatever your name is.

- I don't know your husband. I never met your husband.

- Sarah!

- Hi mom!

- What's going on here?

- Am I glad to see you!

This woman barged in here

and accused me of fooling around with her husband.

- What?

(Muriel scoffs)

- Look, I don't know what your husband told you,

but I know my daughter.

She's a respectable girl with a great deal of integrity.

- Thank you mom.

- So would you just take your husband

and get him out of here?

(audience laughing)

(Wayne scoffing nervously)

- Mom, mom, this isn't her husband.

This is a friend of mine from school, Wayne Hartfield.

- At number 57.

- Oh hi, sorry.

- Pleased to meet you Mrs. Rush.

Sarah, I think I better go.

- But you haven't learned anything yet!

- Oh. Yes I have!

(audience laughing)

I've learned there's a lot of craziness going on here

and I'm not going to screw up my football scholarship.

Sarah, I want to be a pro.

(audience laughing and clapping hands)

(Muriel sighing loudly)

- Would you mind telling me who you are

and what's this all about?

- My name is Veronica Stewart

and all I want is for your daughter

to stop seeing my husband.

- Sarah?

- It isn't true. I would never date a married man.

- Mrs. Stewart, I think you've made a terrible mistake.

You'd better leave.

- Alright. Alright.

It's probably stupid of me to come here in the first place.

I hope you and Alex will be very miserable together.

(audience laughing)

- Boy...

(closes door)

They must be giving up passes at the funny farm today.

- I don't know. She sounded awfully convincing.

- Mom, I swear!

- I believe you.

She just must've had the wrong address,

but she sure sounded like someone

whose marriage is coming apart.

(door opens)

- Hi everybody.

- Oh, hi.

- I can't talk. I have to shower and dress.

I've got a date.

- Again?

- Jackie don't ask what went on here this afternoon.

- All right, I won't.

- This crazy woman rang the doorbell

and told me to stop seeing her husband.

- She said her name was Mrs. Stewart.

- Alex's wife?

How did she find out where I lived?

- Henry.

Henry. I.

I have to talk to you.

- Not now, Muriel.

Not now, unless you've got a funny idea for my strip.

- Sarah was studying with this football player

when the strange woman came to the door.

- Ah, it's not funny enough!

(audience laughing)

- This is extremely serious.

- Okay. All right.

All right, Muriel.

Might as well quit.I've had a lousy day

and I'm in a foul mood

and nothing you can tell me can make things any worse.

- It's our daughter.

- You're off to a good start.

(audience laughing)

- Jackie has a new boyfriend.

(Henry laughing sarcastically)

- You know, Muriel,

I'm a little tired of taking a bum rap around here

every time one of our daughters has a new boyfriend.

It's assumed that I'm not going to like him.

I want my daughters to have an active social life.

I happen to be a very understanding, very supportive father.

- He's married.

- I'll kill her!

(audience laughing)

- Where are you going?

(audience laughing)

- Downstairs. Going to talk some sense into Jackie's head.

(loud footsteps)

- Hi dad.

- I can't talk. I've got to take care of something.

(door slams)

(audience laughs lightly)

(door opens)

(Henry chortles)

(audience laughing)

(door closes)

- When did you two get here?

They came up with me. I asked them to wait.

- Jackie, what's this I hear about you and a married man?

- He's not married. He's separated.

- The same thing.

- No, it's not.

- Technically, Jackie happens to be right, dad.

- You keep out of this. I'll deal with you later!

- What are you yelling at me for?

- Because you're her sister!

(audience laughing)

You should've told us that she was dating a married man.

- He's not married! He's separated!

- I didn't know she was dating a married guy.

- Don't you interrupt again!

(audience laughing)

Jackie?

Who is this man?

- His name is Alex Stewart.

And he happens to be a wonderful guy.

- If he's so wonderful, why did he leave his wife?

- He didn't leave her. She left him.

- But doesn't that tell you something?

A woman doesn't leave a man if he's so wonderful.

There has to be a reason for it!

- Henry, don't get so upset!

(knocking on the door)

- I am not upset.

You're listening to a father

telling his daughter that

she's behaving like a damn fool idiot.

(door opens)

- Ha! How'd you know it was me, Mr. Rush?

(audience laughing)

- What do you want, Monroe?

- Oh, I have to talk to you.

It's really important.

- We're busy!

We're having a squabble.

- Oh, I love that game. Can I play?

(audience laughing)

- It's not Scrabble. It's squabble!

(audience laughing)

- Oh, I don't know how to play that.

(audience laughing)

Come back later, Monroe!

(knocking on the door)

- Any special time?

- Yes. Never!

(door slams)

(audience laughing)

- All right, young lady.

- Dad, look, before you go any further,

will you hear me out?

Alex is a good man.

He's gentle and sweet.

And he has all the old fashioned values.

- Where did you meet him?

- Well, he comes into my bank.

He's a stock broker.

Well, he and his wife have been married for six years.

They separated about a month ago

and he was lonely and he asked me out.

And I've been dating him for the past two weeks.

And I see no reason why I shouldn't continue to date him.

- Oh, sweetheart!

It's just that,

that you could be wasting your time.

He'll probably go back to his wife

or use you as a stopover on his way to someone else.

Either way you could get hurt.

- Mom, dad, Alex and I aren't into anything really serious.

We enjoy each other's company.

That's all.

What's wrong with just having a nice relationship?

- Because nice relationships don't just stand still.

They have to go somewhere or die out.

Your mother is right. You're going to get hurt.

- Well then allow me to get hurt

and allow me to experience it.

I'm 21.

I really have to be in charge of my own life.

(door opens)

(door closes)

(Sarah clearing her throat)

- Did you notice?

- Notice what?

- That I didn't interrupt?

(audience laughing)

- Yes. Yes. You're. You're a nice girl, Sarah.

Sarah, you you'd never do anything to break our hearts,

would you?

- Of course not!

(giggling in unison)

- That's our baby!

- Why? What have you heard?

(audience laughing loudly)

(upbeat music fades in)

- You made yourself a whole pizza?

- This was the smallest one we had in the freezer.

We always buy for two and you never eat home anymore.

(audience laughing lightly)

- Don't knock it.

Alex has been taking me to the best restaurants in town.

- Sure. You get wined and dined every night,

while I sit here, stuffing myself.

(audience laughing)

I'm starting to feel like a trash can.

- You're starting to look like you're sitting on one.

(audience laughing loudly)

- That did it!

(book slams on the sofa)

- [Jackie] Besides, if I were you I'd start

getting used to the idea of shopping for one.

- [Sarah] What is that supposed to mean?

It means that somewhere down the line,

your sister may not be living here anymore.

- You think Alex is going to ask you to move in with him?

- It's very possible!

- Jackie, that wouldn't be fair!

- You can find another roommate.

- No, not to me.

To dad. You know how opposed he is

to people living together who aren't married.

He's still angry with Lee Marvin.

(audience laughing loudly)

(door slams)

- Sarah! I'm not going to move in with him

unless I'm sure to lead to something.

- You mean you may get married?

(Jackie scoffs)

- Well, it could happen.

- He proposed to you?

- Well, no, not exactly.

But last night after dinner,

we were walking back to his car

and Alex stopped at a jewelry store.

He pointed out this beautiful bracelet in the window

and he asked me if I liked it.

- What did you say?

- What do you think I said?

It was gorgeous!

It was made up of all these gold hearts with tiny diamonds.

- Did he say he was going to buy for you?

- Well, no...

But it was the way he asked...

Very casually, trying not to give me a hint.

Which is the biggest hint of all.

- Really? I have to remember that.

(audience laughing)

- You know? I'll bet that's where he is right now.

He said he had this late appointment.

He's probably buying a bracelet

and he's going to surprise me with it tonight!

(footsteps walking hurriedly)

(door opens)

(Muriel sighs loudly)

Oh, hi Monroe.

- Mrs. Rush.

- Hmm. I thought it might be Henry.

- Mr. Rush isn't at home?

- No, he isn't. I'm getting worried.

He isn't usually this late.

- Well, if it'll put your mind at ease,

I'll call the morgue.

(audience laughing loudly)

- No thanks, Monroe.

Would you like some dinner?

- Oh, no. Thanks.

I don't want you to think that.

I came up here just around dinner time

to mooch a meal. Besides already ate.

What do you got?

(audience laughing)

- Pot roast.

- I'd love some.

(audience laughing)

- This is the second time in two days

you've been here to see Henry.

What's on your mind?

- Well, it has to do with that fellow

Jackie's been dating.

- Oh.

- Alex Stewart. What about him?

- Well, brace yourself, Mrs. Rush.

But Alex Stewart is a married man.

- We already know that Monroe.

How do you know Alex Stewart?

- I work for him and his wife.

I walk their dog.

You see, they have this apartment and they both work.

So every afternoon after school,

I come by and take Niagra out for a walk.

- That's the dog's name? Niagara?

- Well, what else would you call a Great Dane

that's been locked up in an apartment for eight hours?

(audience laughing hysterically)

Got any ketchup?

- Thank you for your concern, Monroe.

We're concerned too.

But actually, Alex isn't married at the moment.

He's separated.

- So that's why his wife hired me to follow him.

- She had you follow him?

- The other afternoon when he left his office.

I had a terrible time following him.

The dog kept falling off my bicycle.

(audience laughing loudly)

- Where'd did he go?

- Well, here.

I figured he was a friend of Mr. Rush and came to visit him.

- Ah, so it was you who gave his wife this address?

- Well, I didn't know it was Jackie he was seeing.

I would've never betrayed her.

You people have been like family to me.

Could I get some more pot roast, please?

(audience laughing loudly)

- No. I have to save some for Henry.

He's going to need all his strength

when he gets home to kill you.

- But Mrs. Rush,

as soon as I found out it was,

Jackie he was seeing,

I came over to tell you that he was married,

but nobody would listen to me.

(audience laughing loudly)

[Henry] Muriel, I'm home!

(plate clanks)

- He's here! He's here!

Hide me! You've gotta hide me!

Oh, we should live on the first floor.

It'd be so much easier jumping out the window.

- No, no, no, no! Calm yourself.

Nothing's going to happen.

- Oh, Henry. I was getting worried about you.

(lips smack)

- Well, the meeting took longer than I thought.

What's for dinner?

- Pot roast and Monroe.

(audience laughing lowly)

- That's a lousy combination, 'Riel.

You know they both give me heartburn.

(audience laughing)

- So who did you meet with this afternoon?

(Muriel gasps loudly)

Oh no.

- What's wrong?

- Monroe! He was so afraid to face you,

he threatened to jump out the window.

- Crazy kid! He'll kill himself!

- Monroe!

[Henry] Where are you?

[Muriel] Monroe?!

(audience laughing)

- [Henry] Monroe?!

(loud thump)

- Bye Mrs. Rush!

(audience laughing)

(door slamming)

- Promises. Promises.

(Muriel sighs loudly)

- So who did you meet with this afternoon?

- Alex Stewart.

- You met with Alex Stewart. Why didn't you tell me?

- Well, I wanted to go down and tell him off

and set him straight

and I didn't want you to try to stop me.

- I would've driven you there.

(audience laughing)

- How'd it go?

- Very well. Very well.

- Is he going to stop seeing Jackie?

- Why should he?

- Why should he?

- Yeah, he's a hell of a nice guy, Muriel. You'd like him.

(audience laughing)

- Am I in the wrong house?

You went down to set him straight.

You come home all buddy, buddy.

What did he do? Hypnotize you?

- No, but he gave me a very hot tip on an aluminum stock.

(audience laughing)

- And that's all he had to do?

(Henry giggling)

He's very charming, very warm, sincere.

We got a few drinks and a nice talk.

And I suddenly realized that...

He just happened to be in a lousy place in his life.

Got any ketchup?

- He happens to be in a lousy place in our daughter's life!

- You're angry with me 'cause I like him?

- Yes!

None of this would have happened

if you'd met in his office, instead of a bar.

Why is it that men always talk things over in a bar?

(cutlery clinking)

Why don't they do what women do?

Talk things over in a ladies room.

(audience laughing)

- Oh, we tried to do that, but they wouldn't let us in.

(audience laughing)

- Funny.

And what about Jackie getting hurt?

- Muriel,

you're the one that keeps telling us

to stop running interference in their lives

so they'll learn?

- How dare you throw my own words

back at me at a time at like this?

- A time like what?

- When I'm losing!

(audience laughing)

(door bell rings)

- Well, Sarah, would you get that? It's probably Alex.

(door opens)

- Oh no. Not again!

- Please. I'm not going to cause a scene.

I'm like to apologize for the other day.

- Fine!

- Sarah, is your sister in?

(door creaking)

I'd like to talk to her.

(foot steps approaching)

- Is that Alex?

You're Alex's wife?

- And you're not what I expected.

What I mean is you look like a nice young girl,

not the type who would take up with another woman's husband.

- He was available. You gave him up.

- Yes, but without you,

we might've put our marriage back together again.

- Sarah, I've been thinking things over...

Oh no, she's still here?

(audience laughing)

- Oh Wayne! Don't go! We can study in the hall.

- Look, I know you're expecting Alex.

So I'll make this brief.

Did he ever tell you why I left him?

- Look, you really don't have to explain...

- We were college sweethearts

and we got married right after graduation.

Neither of us had ever dated very much.

And then a few months ago,

I thought I saw signs of restlessness in Alex.

As though he were wondering what he'd missed out on.

I was wrong.

It wasn't him who was wondering what was going on out there.

It was me.

Well, I found out there was nothing out there,

but loneliness.

Now it's too late.

- You know something?

You're not what I expected either.

- Yeah, well. We all make mistakes,

but it looks like I made the biggest.

Today is my birthday.

And do you know what Alex did?

We have been separated for over a month,

but he remembered.

He gave me this bracelet.

(audience making sad sounds)

Isn't it beautiful?

He's never given me diamonds before.

I guess it's also a goodbye present.

Anyhow.

I do hope you'll make Alex happy.

He deserves it.

- What's the matter with you?

How can you give up so easily?

Why aren't you fighting for him?

- What?

(Jackie sighing)

- Let me tell you something.

I've been dating since I was 17.

And maybe it sounds corny,

but all this time I've been looking for Mr. Right?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find him?

Talk about your endangered species.

(audience laughing)

Mr. Right is the list!

- But then you met Alex?

- And what did I have? Mr. Maybe.

A man who's sweet and kind and thoughtful.

A man who's was still in love with his wife.

- Oh, do you really think so?

- I know so.

You found Mr. Right and you'd better hold on to him.

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

That's all right, Alex.

I figured you were tied up.

Listen...

Before you say anything else...

There's someone here I think you should talk to.

- Hello, Alex.

It's me.

Oh honey. It's not important What I'm doing here.

Oh, I have to see you.

- [Veronica] There are so many things I want to say to you.

- Happy birthday.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- You still here?

I thought you had a date with Alex tonight?

(Jackie sighing)

- That's all over.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

But...

I'm glad.

I think it's all for the best.

(Jackie quivering)

- I guess I knew that all along.

(Jackie crying)

- Oh, Jackie.

Jackie I'd hoped that when a right man did come along,

you'd want to build a life together.

That he'll be someone as new to the experience as you are.

- It's not easy, Dad.

Most of the men I meet are either separated or divorced.

And the ones aren't, the younger ones,

they're afraid to commit to a relationship.

How'd mom get so lucky?

(Henry snickering)

- Don't worry honey. You'll find it.

(knocking on the door)

There's there's somebody out there

that's just right for you.

I know it.

(door opening)

- Hi everyone!

(audience laughing)

- But that's not him.

(audience laugh loudly)

(audience clapping)

(jazzy upbeat trumpet music)