Original subtitles

[Too Close For Comfort theme]

[uplifting music]

[Muriel sighing]

- Henry, you've hardly touched your dinner.

- I'm too upset to eat, Muriel.

- Oh, honey.

Look at this way.

It's only five and a half hours away by plane.

You know, Henry, we really should be proud

that Jackie's doing so well.

Besides, maybe her moving to New York

would make a big change in our lives.

- How?

- Well, could be fun.

It'd give us a chance to fly to New York,

visit Jackie, take in some plays.

And she can fly back to be with us on holidays.

- Muriel, that's our daughter.

You willing to settle for only seeing her

a few times a year?

- Oh Henry, you know we'll talk long distance every weekend.

She'll call us.

- Collect. [audience laughing]

- And we'll call her.

You know, like the television commercial.

Reach out, reach out and touch someone.

- I'd like to reach out and touch someone.

The guy who offered her that job.

[audience laughing]

[doorbell ringing]

I'll get it.

Muriel, it never occurred to me

when we decided to have children

that it would turn out to be a lifetime occupation.

[audience laughing]

Dad!

- Congratulations.

You remember.

- How'd you get here?

Why didn't you let us know?

What do you mean, I remembered?

I just visited you three months ago.

- Who remembers? [audience laughing]

- Who are you talking to?

Huey!

- Muriel!

- Oh, what a nice surprise!

What are you doing here?

- My dad comes unannounced, it could mean only one thing.

- So they threw me out of the home.

Big deal.

- Ah, why didn't you call us?

- Because that's the kind of retirement home

that my son here put me in.

They would even allow me one lousy phone call.

- [Henry] Well why didn't you call from a phone booth?

Or from a gas station?

- I wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

- All right, Dad.

Let's have it.

Why did they throw you out of the home?

What happened this time?

- I haven't the slightest idea.

[audience laughing]

- You got involved with another woman again, right?

- Well, if you wanna call her that.

[audience laughing]

- Sit down, Dad.

- Don't you talk to me like that.

I'm your father.

[audience laughing]

- Huey.

- Thank you. [audience laughing]

- Dad, do you realize that in the past three years,

you've been kicked out of five different retirement homes?

And always for the same reason!

Women!

- Can I help it if I'm still healthy?

[audience laughing]

- Now Henry, calm down.

Huey, what happened?

Did they catch you in a woman's bedroom again?

- Oh, no.

Not me.

I don't go in women's bedrooms anymore.

They caught us in the hall.

[audience laughing]

- Hall? In the hall?

- Outside the bingo room.

[audience laughing]

We got to talking, and she said she never had

any luck at bingo, and I said,

I said to her, tonight's your night.

[audience laughing]

Then I wheeled her away.

- You wheeled her away?

You mean the woman was in a wheelchair?

- Oh, yeah.

And she was a beauty, too.

Mahogany armrests, chrome wheels.

[audience laughing] - But, but, but,

but she was in a wheelchair?

How could you possibly?

- Hey, nobody said it was easy.

[audience laughing]

I learned a good lesson from that experience.

- Well, it's about time.

- You wanna fool around with a woman in a wheelchair,

make sure those brakes are set.

[audience laughing]

Otherwise you're gonna end up in the parking lot.

[audience laughing]

- You, you, you wound up in a parking lot?

[audience laughing]

- Yeah, that's another good lesson I learned.

Never do that near a ramp.

[audience laughing]

- You mean you rolled down a ramp,

in a wheel, with a,

that woman must have been terrified.

- Nadine?

She was having a wonderful time.

[audience laughing]

Waving her arms in the air, hollering bingo!

[audience laughing]

- Dad, what am I going to do with you?

We're running out of homes.

- Well, that's fine.

Because I'm never gonna set foot in one again.

- What do you mean?

Where do you intend to live?

- Henry, we'll discuss it in the morning.

I'm tired.

- I'll go make up the bed in the spare room.

- Good night, son.

- I mean it, Dad.

I will not permit you to live alone at your age.

- Who said anything about living alone?

- Dad, you're 75 years old.

You've already sown all your wild oats.

- I have a few oats left.

And I'm not saving them for any horse.

[audience laughing]

- Good morning.

- We'll see. [audience laughing]

My father up yet?

- Up, had his juice, and then went downstairs

to see if he could get the girls to go jogging with him.

- Jogging, those two?

They take a cab just to get to the bus stop in the morning.

[audience laughing]

- Huey can be awfully persuasive.

- Well, he can also be very stubborn.

He's been stubborn for as long as I've known him.

- Stubborn isn't so bad, Henry.

When you get older, it turns itself

very nicely into independence.

- Well, I'll tell you right now.

He's not getting his own apartment.

- Well, we do have a spare bedroom,

and he's more than welcome to live with us.

Providing Jackie doesn't go to New York,

and Sarah has to move back upstairs.

- Well, when it gets down to the wire,

I think Jackie'll decide against it.

- You really think so?

- The thought of living in New York

and being on your own is very romantic,

and it's very exciting.

But the reality of living 3000 miles away from home,

being only 21, can be terrifying.

She won't go.

- I hope so.

Well, if Jackie stays and Sarah doesn't come back upstairs,

that would settle everything.

- Muriel, remember.

My father can be obstinate.

Blunt, critical.

Cantankerous, and a general pain in the you know what.

[audience laughing]

You gonna be able to live with that?

- Of course.

I've had 24 years basic training.

[audience laughing]

- Okay, I'll make the breakfast.

What would you like?

- A nap.

- I can't catch my breath.

- That's because you weren't breathing correctly.

You're supposed to exhale in short breaths when you run,

and you were whistling.

- I was trying to catch a cab.

[audience laughing]

- Grandpa, I don't believe the shape you're in.

You're not even exhausted.

- Well, that's because I was running and listening.

And you were running and talking.

[audience laughing]

So you're thinking of moving to New York, eh?

- Yeah.

I'd like to.

I really want to, but--

- You're scared?

- To death.

Is that normal?

- Of course.

You know what you have here.

But you don't know what's waiting for you there.

- Yeah, that's exactly how I feel.

- Well, I know what's waiting for you there.

- You do?

How could you?

- Because it's the same thing that awaits anybody

who dares to follow a dream.

New horizons, new challenges, new relationships.

And the most wonderful thing of all, independence.

- You make it all sound so wonderful.

- Well, it is wonderful!

But you've got to go for it.

That's what I did, all my life.

And I was never sorry.

- Never?

- Never.

Even though some things didn't work out for me.

[audience laughing]

I had my share of near misses, you know.

- Like what?

- Like that lovely Japanese restaurant

I opened on December 6th, 1941.

[audience laughing]

- You did not.

- But the point is, I never played it safe.

No.

And I never will.

I'm going to find myself an apartment,

and make a fresh start.

Hey, I'm only 75.

[audience laughing]

- You're something else.

- Always remember, Jackie.

If the caterpillar was afraid to leave

the safety of the cocoon, we'd never have

all those beautiful butterflies flying around.

- Grandpa, I think you're beautiful.

[doorbell ringing]

- I'll get it.

Oh. - Hi.

- Can we come in?

- Hi, guess what.

We went jogging.

- How'd you like it?

- Hated it.

[audience laughing]

- Why are you smiling?

- Because I'm never gonna do it again.

[audience laughing]

- Dad.

I'd like to talk to you.

- Before you do, there's something I need to tell

you and Mom.

- What is it, Jackie?

- Grandpa helped me make up my mind.

I'm going to New York!

[tense music]

- Oh, you can't start to believe

the apartments I've seen today.

And the prices they're asking.

- Grandpa, when Jackie leaves I'll be moving back up here.

So why don't you take the apartment downstairs?

- Are you serious?

I wouldn't live in the same building with my son.

[audience laughing]

He'd drive me crazy.

[audience laughing]

I'm nervous enough about living in the same city with him.

- Thanks, Dad. [audience laughing]

- Well, you can be quite a nag, you know, Henry.

[audience laughing]

Why are you moving back upstairs when Jackie leaves?

Why don't you get a new roommate?

- Yeah.

Why don't I get another roommate?

- Because you're too young.

The only reason I let you move downstairs

was because your older sister was there to look after you.

- I don't think she's too young.

[audience laughing] - Dad!

I'd appreciate it if you'd stop meddling in our affairs.

You've caused enough trouble for one day.

- What'd I do?

- Well, if you minded your own business,

Jackie probably wouldn't be going to New York.

- Well.

If that's what you call meddling,

then I'm glad I did.

I know what's eating you.

Your daughter's showing a little spunk,

and you can't handle it!

[audience laughing]

- Come on Sarah, let's go in the living room.

[audience laughing] - Mom!

I don't wanna miss this.

- Believe me, you won't miss it.

You'll hear it. [audience laughing]

- Safe, Henry.

That's your problem.

You've always played it safe.

The only time you ever showed any guts

was when you ran away and joined the Navy.

- Well I had to get away from you, Dad.

I couldn't live with you.

- Well, I was proud you did.

But then when you got out of the Navy,

you went right back to playing it safe again.

You know, Henry.

You could have been a real artist,

a Remington, or a Russell.

Grandma Moses. [audience laughing]

Instead of drawing that cartoon junk.

[audience laughing]

You had talent, Henry.

- You've never, ever said that to me.

- Well, I just did.

[audience laughing]

- I mean when I really needed it,

when it could have helped.

- Well you know you weren't very easy to talk to

when you were young.

- You never talked.

You yelled.

- Well, you don't have to worry about my yelling now.

I won't be that close.

Soon as I find an apartment--

- You're not going into an apartment!

You're going back into a retirement home,

and that's final!

- The hell I am!

- Damn it, Dad!

I'm not gonna worry about you living alone anymore!

- There you go again, playing it safe!

Henry, I tell you, I'm going to find my own place,

and if you won't help me out financially

then, well, I'll manage somehow!

- God, I wish I had a sister.

[audience laughing]

[soft music]

- Henry, will you go and talk to your father, please?

- He's not talking to me.

- He is in his room packing.

Where is he going?

- You wanna know where he's going?

I'll tell you where he's going.

He's going to drive me crazy!

[audience laughing]

With my daughter going off to New York,

my father going god knows where,

I'm gonna have a heart attack!

[audience laughing]

You're a parent to your children when they're growing up,

and when your parents get older, you're a parent

to your parents.

When does it stop?

[audience laughing]

- I wish I knew.

- I'll tell you what's gonna happen.

We're gonna end up with a society of young people

and old people, because everyone in between

is gonna drop dead. [audience laughing]

- Morning Mom, Dad.

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm so excited about my plans I couldn't sleep.

I can't wait to see all the places

I've heard about all my life.

- It should be a wonderful experience for you, darling.

- Grandpa, where are you going?

- I don't know.

But it's time to move on.

- Well, shouldn't you know where you're going

before you leave?

- No, because he'd consider that playing it safe.

- Well girls, I don't like long goodbyes,

so I'm gonna make this fast.

Sarah, you're a beautiful girl.

Inside and out.

Jackie.

I'd ask you to write to me from New York

if I knew where I was going to be,

but I don't know where I'll be.

- Oh, Grandpa.

- But wherever I am, I won't be worried about you,

because I know that you'll be just fine.

My son hasn't done too many smart things in his life.

But you're one of the very, very few.

- Aw.

Take good care of yourself, and please let us know

where you are.

- Dad.

Aren't you gonna say goodbye to him?

He's your father.

- That's the way he wants it.

- And how do you want it?

Aw Henry, it takes two people to have an argument,

and it takes the same two people to make up.

- You can't make up with him, Muriel.

He's too stubborn.

- Well there's no mistaking that you're his son.

[audience laughing]

- Dad.

Dad.

Just because we two don't get along

doesn't mean that I don't love you.

Take care of yourself.

[audience applauding]

[doorbell ringing]

- Pardon me.

We're looking for a Mr. Huey Rush.

[audience laughing]

- Nadine!

Tessie!

They're from the home!

- Come in, ladies.

Come in and sit down.

- Huey, oh!

My.

- Nadine.

Nadine?

- Yeah?

- You're walking! [audience laughing]

- My arthritis is in remission.

[audience laughing]

The doctor said you did more for me than cortisone.

[audience laughing] [audience applauding]

- Well what are you two girls doing in San Francisco?

- They sent us to bring you back.

The place was like a morgue after you left.

Nobody dancing, nobody laughing.

It was like an old age home.

[audience laughing]

- We missed you so much, we all went on a hunger strike.

- You went on a hunger strike for me?

- I lost six pounds.

And my heartburn went away.

I haven't felt this good since I was 70!

[audience laughing]

- Huey.

We need you back.

- Well.

I don't know, girls.

- It took a lot of doing to get the director

to change his mind.

Please, don't let us down, Huey.

- Well, if you put it that way.

[audience laughing]

I didn't have any special plans anyway.

- Oh good.

- Now you know where to find me, anyhow.

- Oh, oh.

Let me.

- Dad?

Dad!

[audience laughing] [audience applauding]

Dad, you're not gonna let those ladies

carry your luggage?

- Son.

I know what I'm doing.

When ladies get to be that age,

they like to be needed.

[audience laughing] [audience applauding]

[Henry snoring] [audience laughing]

[doorbell ringing]

- Who could that be?

- It's three o'clock in the morning.

[Henry groaning]

- Oh Henry, don't you open the door

unless you know who it is.

[audience laughing]

The nerve of some people ringing a person's bell

at three in the morning.

Who is it?

Is it anyone we know?

- Quite well.

[audience laughing]

- Mom, I'm sorry to wake up you and Dad,

but I couldn't sleep.

I need to talk to you both.

- Oh, come on darling.

Sit down.

- I woke up thinking about something that Grandpa Huey

said to me the other day.

It was something that really helped me to decide

to go to New York.

He said if I have a dream, I should go after it.

Not to be afraid.

Not to play it safe.

- I've heard that all my life.

- Go on, darling.

- And yet, when he had a chance

to go out on his own, he didn't.

He chose to go back to the retirement home

where he knew everyone,

where he'd be with people who care about him.

- Well, you really can't blame him for that.

- Well the point is, he played it safe.

- That's right.

He did, didn't he?

- He also said that if the caterpillar

is afraid to leave the cocoon,

we'd never have so many beautiful butterflies.

Mom, Dad?

I don't want to go to New York.

- Why not, Jackie?

- I don't think I have my wings yet.

- Welcome home.

[soft music] [audience applauding]

[Too Close For Comfort theme]