Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

- Oh, Ed Miller died.

What a shame.

- Well, how old was he, Dad?

- 52.

- Well, at least he lived a full life.

(audience laughs)

- A full life? He was only one year older than I am.

(audience laughs)

Oh, this guy died at 57.

There's another one, 60.

This poor guy was only 43. What's going on?

I thought the average life span was 75.

- Someone in the bank the other day

was telling me about a woman who lived to be 112.

- Oh, well, that explains it.

- What?

- She used up the 37 years

that belonged to these three guys.

(audience laughs)

- Henry, we just got a letter from Sylvia.

You're not going to believe this,

Jeff's gone.

- Jeff Walker, died?

- Worse. He left Sylvia for another woman.

(audience laughs)

- What? After 27 years.

- 27 years is a long time.

How old were they when they got married?

- Oh, let's see.

Sylvia was 19 and Jeff was about 22.

- Well, I'm not getting married until I'm at least 30.

- Not me, if I find the right guy, I'm going to grab him.

- That's what your mother did.

(audience laughs)

She was smart enough

to recognize Mr. Right the moment she laid eyes on him.

- Unfortunately he got away.

So, I ended up marrying your father.

(audience laughs)

Aw, poor Sylvia. - Yeah.

- After 27 years, suddenly she's all alone.

- It's not going to be easy for her, Mom.

She's so quiet, so subdued.

- Sylvia said she's going to visit her sister

in Los Angeles next week.

But first she plans to stop in San Francisco to see us.

- Oh, it will be nice to see her.

Give us a chance to cheer her up.

- Oh, she can stay up here and have our old room.

- No, she said not to bother.

She prefers to stay in a hotel.

- I don't blame her.

Hotels is so much more exciting and romantic.

- How would you know?

(audience laughs)

- Well, I better get to work

before the inquisition starts.

- And I didn't want to miss my first class. Bye.

- How would you know?

(audience laughs)

- I'm still in shock.

- Me too.

To think Jeff got involved with a 26-year-old girl.

- Ironic, isn't it?

Jeff left Sylvia for a girl

who's not even as old as his marriage.

(audience laughs)

- What does a guy Jeff's age see in a girl that young?

I mean, aside from the obvious things,

the youthful fresh complexion, the shiny hair,

and firm body.

- I'd get off that if I were you, Henry.

- I'm off.

- Now remember, girls, no embarrassing questions.

Sylvia's had a really rough time.

She's been through hell.

She got a real pushing around.

- Mom, she's coming from Chicago,

not a Rolling Stones concert.

(audience laughs)

Dad, don't you look handsome. (Sara whistles)

- You look terrific.

- Aren't you going to make it unanimous, Muriel?

- Why? Two out of three isn't bad.

(audience laughs)

(doorbell)

- I'll get it.

(Henry clears throat)

Sylvia, you look beautiful.

- Thank you.

(audience laughs)

- Come in, Monroe.

How are you?

- Beautiful, according to Mr. Rush.

(audience laughs)

- What do you want, Monroe?

- Oh, Sara,

I won't be able to drive you home from school anymore

on account of my new job.

- Oh, that's okay. What kind of job did you get?

- I'm delivering flowers.

- What does a girl have to do

to get some attention around here?

- Oh, Sylvia!

(family shouts with joy and greetings)

- I am just so happy to see you.

- Still the best looking woman that come out of Chicago.

- Oh.

- [Sara] Hi! - You gorgeous thing.

Where's Jackie, where's Jackie?

- I'm right here. - There she is!

- Sylvia, you look great!

(audience laughs)

Considering this is the first time I've ever seen you.

- Monroe, what are you doing?

- Butt out, Henry.

(audience laughs)

- This is my friend, Monroe.

- Who was just leaving.

- How do you do?

- Nice meeting you.

Let's do it again sometime.

(audience laughs)

- Goodbye, Monroe. - Bye.

- Your friend is rather, uh-- - Cute.

- Spacey.

(audience laughs)

Now, I want to hear all about you girls.

How do you like having your own place?

- We love it.

- There's nothing like being on your own.

- Really?

I'll let you know.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, Sylvia. Why don't you stay here with us?

We have a spare room now.

- Oh, thanks, Muriel.

But I'm already settled in the hotel, next time.

- How about some dip?

- Oh, no, thanks. Now that I'm single,

I have to start watching my figure.

- Well, with a figure like that,

I know a lot of guys be glad to watch it for you.

- How soon can you get them up here?

(audience laughs)

- Sylvia, how about a drink?

- Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

- Girls, you want to give me a hand?

I think your mother and Sylvia

would like to have a moment alone.

- Oh, it's so good to see you.

- How are you doing, really?

- Oh, Muriel.

It was devastating, but I survived.

It wasn't easy, but I am fine.

- Oh, good. Well, what are you going to do?

Have you made any plans yet? - Oh, yes!

I'm going to put that house up for sale.

I'm going to get a gorgeous apartment in a high-rise,

overlooking the lake.

Do some traveling, Mexico, Tahiti, Australia.

- Oh! That sounds fantastic.

- There's just one thing standing in my way.

- What's that?

- That damn German Shepherd. He left me with the dog.

(audience laughs)

- Uh, Daiquiri, right?

- Gin, on the rocks.

- Oh, ho ho, the lady means business.

(audience laughs)

- I haven't seen you drink gin since college.

- There are a lot of things

I haven't done since college, Muriel.

But thank God, I haven't forgotten how.

(audience laughs)

(doorbell rings)

- Oh, hi!

- Hi, I'm from out of town,

and the cab driver who dropped me off

told me I could get a terrific cup of coffee up here.

- He was right.

- Ah, he never mentioned how fast the service was.

(audience laughs)

- Good, otherwise I'd be crawling with out-of-towners.

Muriel is having a photo session this afternoon.

- Oh, that's right, I forgot.

She did mention that at dinner last night.

You know, I think it is so wonderful

that she has a whole new career at this point in her life.

And that you're so supportive.

- Why not?

- Oh, Henry, a man with that attitude,

you are rare commodity.

- Really?

- Jeff would never let me go back to work.

He was always afraid that I would meet somebody,

fall in love and leave him.

(Sylvia laughs shortly)

It's ironic, isn't it?

- How did you find out?

- I came home one day and I walked in on them.

- Oh, awful, awful, awful.

- Awful! I could have killed him,

I just changed the sheets that morning.

(audience laughs)

How about a warm-up?

- I can do better than that. How about some champagne?

- Champagne? - Mm-hmm.

- I'd love it. What's the occasion?

- A friend, a good friend, a beautiful friend.

- Let's drink to all three.

- Okay.

- You're sure Muriel won't mind?

- I'll handle Muriel.

(Henry laughs)

I've been saving a special bottle of champagne now

for 12 years.

- You are a very thoughtful and a very perceptive man, Henry.

- Well. (chuckles)

- You're taking time out from your work to cheer me up

because you know I need it.

Thank you.

- Wow.

Thank you.

Onward.

- Yes!

- You know something?

I enjoyed that.

- I haven't opened it yet.

(audience laughs)

- I was referring to the kiss.

- Oh.

Yes.

Yes, it was nice.

- Lots of bubbles.

- Beats working.

(Sylvia laughs)

- Cheers! - To you!

- No, to the new me.

(glasses clink)

Mmmm.

- Ah! (Henry's lips smack)

- Mmmm. Henry,

from now on, I am going to make every moment count.

I am going to experience

all of the things that I, that I've always denied myself.

- That's a healthy attitude, Sylvia.

I mean, you're still a young woman,

but there are no guarantees.

I mean, every day I pick up the paper, somebody my age,

even younger, gone. (finger snaps)

You got to make the most of every moment.

- You really feel that way?

- Oh, absolutely.

- Well then,

let's make the most of this one.

- Hmm?

(audience begins to laugh)

- Henry, I have finally reached a point in my life

where I am able to say what I feel.

I have always been attracted to you.

Do you think we could go to bed together?

(audience laughs)

(Henry chuckles)

- What did you have in mind?

(audience laughs)

- Nothing serious, nothing permanent.

Nothing that would hurt anybody.

- You're Muriel's best friend.

- And I always will be.

Henry, believe me.

When I walked in here today,

I had no idea that this was going to happen.

- That makes two of us.

(audience laughs)

- I know how this sounds, but please believe me.

I am not being cheap and I'm not being promiscuous.

I'm simply admitting that I want you.

(audience laughs)

- Well, well, well, well, well.

(audience laughs)

I, uh...

(Henry laughs uncertainly)

I, um...

I, I, I, I am flattered.

- Good, that's a start.

(audience laughs)

I have been wanting to do that,

and you know something?

I'm not disappointed.

I-- I think I better go now.

(Monroe clattering)

(audience laughs)

What was that?

- I don't know.

Well, it's not in the hall.

It must be something out front.

(kiss smacks)

- Oh, and Henry, I'm leaving for Los Angeles tomorrow night.

(tree rustles)

Till then, I'll be in room 608.

(audience laughs)

(dramatic music)

(audience laughs and applauds)

(knock on door)

- Hi!

- Oh, Monroe, you look so handsome.

- Oh, thanks. - Doesn't he, Jackie?

- Something about a uniform that always turns a woman on.

But not that one.

(audience laughs)

- Why are you bringing that in with you?

- Oh, I didn't think it'd be safe

leaving it outside on my bicycle.

I'm bonded.

- "Rest in peace, Vito."

Well, who'd steal it?

How many people named Vito are being buried today?

(audience laughs)

- Monroe, what are you doing here so early?

We were just leaving.

- Well, girls, I have something to tell ya.

I saw something yesterday that I, I shouldn't have seen.

- What'd you see?

- Well, I still don't know if I should tell you or not.

I've been up all night wrestling with the problem.

And finally, I had to tell someone,

so this morning I went to confession.

- Why? All you did was see it. You didn't do it.

- Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm not Catholic, anyway.

(audience laughs)

- Well, what did the priest say?

- Well, I never got to see him.

There was this line around the block forever.

You know, you'd think they'd have one of those express lines

like they do at the supermarket, like 8 sins or less.

(audience laughs)

- Monroe, what did you want to tell us?

I'm going to be late for work.

- Well,

I stopped by yesterday to bring your mother

some leftover flowers and the door was open a little,

so I, I stuck my head in

and that's when I saw what I shouldn't have seen.

- Oh, that's okay.

Jackie and I were always walking in on them

when we were kids.

- Your father and Sylvia?

- Our father and Sylvia?

- Yeah.

- Monroe, what are you talking about?

- They were on the couch.

Your father and Sylvia. And they were,

you know.

(audience laughs)

- No, we don't know.

- They were kissing.

- That's it?

That's what you saw.

Goodbye, Monroe.

Vito's getting cold.

- Monroe, my father and Sylvia are very good friends.

They always kiss each other.

They're like family.

- Well, there's laws against families doing

what they're planning on doing.

That line around the church today had to be for something.

(audience laughs)

- What do you mean? What were they planning on doing?

- She asked you father up to her hotel room today,

Room 608, I heard her say it.

And you know what that means.

- Monroe.

It doesn't mean anything.

We appreciate your concern

and we can understand how you might've misinterpreted

a perfectly innocent kiss.

But we know our dad, and we know Sylvia,

and believe us, there's nothing to worry about.

- Oh, good. Boy, I was really worried.

Listen, I'll see you later in class.

Hey, thanks. I feel much better now. Bye.

- I wish we did.

- Henry.

Henry, what's wrong?

- Nothing, nothing. Nothing's wrong.

- I think I know what it is.

- (Henry chokes) You do?

(audience laughs)

- Henry.

You're working yourself too hard.

I mean, you finish your comic strip,

you turn it in and right away you start on the next one.

- What can I do? I've got deadlines to meet.

- And those deadlines are going to kill you.

Henry, you need a change of pace.

Take some time for yourself and have some fun.

You deserve it.

- You really think so? - Oh, absolutely.

Why don't you forget about working today,

and go downtown and enjoy yourself?

(audience laughs)

- Today?

No, no, no, I don't, I don't think so, Muriel.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow will be a much better day.

Tomorrow. - Today, Henry.

Now listen to me. I know what's good for you.

Go downtown and do something crazy.

(audience laughs)

Buy yourself a new hat.

- That only works for women.

- Then buy yourself a woman's hat.

(audience laughs)

Aw, Henry, you have to learn to walk away from the pressure.

Go downtown, enjoy yourself.

Or I'm going to be the one to end up buying a hat,

a black one, with a veil.

(hands pound)

- All right, Muriel.

You've made up my mind.

I'm not going to work today. I am going to play.

Today, I'm going to take care of number one.

(Muriel laughs)

- Never mind me, Henry, take care of yourself.

(audience laughs)

- Yeah.

- Hi, Dad. - Hello, girls!

- Boy, you're in a good mood.

- Well, you would be too

if you had the day waiting for you,

that I have waiting for me.

(audience laughs)

- Mom!

- Oh, aren't you girls running late this morning?

- Uh, yes, but for a very good reason.

Mom, there's something you have to know.

- Well, what is it?

- Dad's going to 608.

- 608?

- Sara, let me.

Mom, you'd better sit down first.

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

(elevator dings)

(hands slap)

(audience laughs)

(elevator dings)

(audience laughs)

(elevator dings)

(audience laughs)

(trumpet music)

- Muriel!

- Oh, I timed you perfectly.

And you bought a new hat.

(audience laughs)

I like it.

- Thank you. These are for you.

(cellophane crinkles)

- Oh, you, you shouldn't have.

- Actually, I should've.

Muriel, I had a wonderful afternoon.

- Tell me all about it.

- Well,

I started out doing something I really didn't want to do.

And then when I realized I really didn't want to do it,

I decided,

why bother?

So I went down to Ghirardelli Square and fed the pigeons

and then to Fisherman's Wharf and fed myself.

Then I took your advice and bought a new hat.

Had a marvelous afternoon.

- I, I had a marvelous day too.

- Oh?

- Let me put these flowers in some water.

- What did you do?

- [Muriel] Well,

the weather was so beautiful that I decided to get out too.

- Good.

- So I called Sylvia.

(audience laughs)

And we met downtown and spent the day together.

She bought a new hat too.

- Huh.

- And then I drove her to the airport

to make sure she left on time.

(audience laughs)

I think she left for Los Angeles a lot happier

than when she arrived.

- I'm glad to hear that.

- She said to give you a goodbye kiss.

That's from her.

This one's from me.

(audience applauds)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)