All language subtitles for Too.Close.for.Comfort.S01E10.A.Friend.in.Need.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Test_track3_[eng]

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

- Hen-- Henry, you're making
that chili too hot.

- Would you trust
the expert, Muriel?

The secret of making great chili
is to achieve that degree

of flavor without
making it too hot.

It's a very fine line.

Takes years of chili-making
not to cross the border.

(audience laughs)

Here... taste this.

Hmm?

Not enough chili powder?

(Muriel groaning)

What... what's the problem?

(Muriel wheezing)

Did I cross the border?

- Sí, señor.
- Hmm...

(Muriel moaning)

(Jackie)
- Mom, Dad, hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

(Jackie)
- Dad's making chili?

- How'd you know that?

- The plant in
the living room died.

(audience laughs)

- What plant?
- The cactus.

- The cactus should've been
able to handle it.

- Hey, Mom, have you seen
my new red dress?

I can't find it anywhere.

- Could it be
at the cleaners?

- Well, it was but I thought
I picked it up.

- Why don't
you ask your sister?

She's always borrowing things.

- Well, Sara's not home.

She's probably off with
Monroe someplace.

- You know,
I can't understand it.

With all the boys
in the campus,

why does she waste
her time with a guy that's

mopey and sad,

with his big soulful eyes
looking at you all the time?

- Because you won't
let us have a dog.

(audience laughs)

- Sara, we were
just talking about you.

- Hi.

- What's wrong?
- It's Monroe.

- Monroe!
- He hasn't been himself lately.

- That's an improvement.

- Dad, I'm really worried.

He's been
very depressed.

I finally convinced him to see
one of the psychologists

at the campus clinic.

- Oh, what did
the psychologist say?

- Monroe won't tell me,
he refuses to talk about it.

And I'm really worried.

- Well, Sara, it's probably
something very personal.

- But he should have someone
to talk it over with.

I know Monroe.

He won't tell me because he
doesn't want to upset me.

- Well, if he doesn't
want to upset you,

he's doing a lousy job.

- Dad, would you
talk to him, please?

You're older,
he'll listen to you.

- Oh, honey!

Don't worry about him,
Monroe's gonna be fine.

- I'll talk to him.
- (Sara whimpering)

- There's no need for you
to cry over him.

- I'm not crying over Monroe,

I'm standing
too close to your chili!

(audience laughs)

- Oh!

(audience laughs)

Where did you come from?

- Well, Sara said you wanted
to see me, Mr. Rush.

- Yes, but how
did you get in here?

- Well, I was coming out of
Sara's apartment

and saw you going up
the stairs so I followed you up.

- Well, you scared me
half to death.

You should've said something.

- Well, you were reading and
I didn't want to disturb you.

- Well, you should've knocked
or something.

- Oh, okay.

(knocking)

Sara said you wanted
to see me, Mr. Rush.

- I know that!

- What is it you wanna talk
to me about, Mr. Rush?

- Sit down, Monroe.

- It's really important, huh?
- Yes, it is.

- Yeah, I thought so.

When ever some says "sit down,"
it means they're going to

tell you something important.

- I'm not gonna
tell you anything.

In fact, I'm... gonna
ask you something.

I understand you've been
having some problems

and you went to see
a psychologist.

- Yes, sir, I did, but I can't
tell you what he said.

I have that right.

It's called
"doctor/patient privilege."

- Only a doctor's supposed to
claim that, not you!

- I'm sorry,
but I still can't tell you.

- I want you to know that--
that you can confide in me.

Uh, don't think of me
as Sara's father.

Think of me as
a friend that you can turn to

in time of need.

- Oh, well, that's very nice
of you, Mister--

can I call you Henry?

- No.
- Oh.

- Well, the psychologist
was very understanding.

- Mm-hmm.

- He explained to me that
my condition

is something often
found in young men

in the prime of their lives.

(audience laughs)

- Monroe, you-- you mean--

- Yes.

- Oh, I... I can't tell you
how badly I feel, Monroe.

If it's any consolation to you,

there are many young
and famous men

who've faced the same fate
at the zenith of their careers.

Ernie Davis, Brian Piccolo,
Lou Gehrig.

- Lou Gehrig?
- Yes.

- Him too?

Gosh, I thought
he was married.

(audience laughs)

- Well, he was, but what does
that have to do with it?

- Well, it doesn't make sense.

I mean, how can a man be married
and-- and still be a virgin?

(audience laughs)

- Why are we discussing
virginity, Monroe?

- That's my problem.
- What do you mean?

(audience laughs)

- I'm still a virgin.

- Oh...

Well, at least you're not

suffering from
an incurable disease.

(audience laughs)

Uh, did the-- did the
psychologist offer any--

any suggestions?

- Well, he told me there are
lots of people my age

who are still virgins, and
there's nothing wrong with that.

He said just to let
nature take its course.

- Yes, well, that makes

perfectly good sense to me,
Monroe.

- Yeah-- yeah, well, Mr. Rush,
do you think you could help me

with, you know, letting nature
take its course?

(audience laughs)

(Henry chuckling)

- I don't think so, Monroe,
I'm married.

(audience laughs)

- No, I didn't mean you,
I-- I meant a woman.

- I know what you meant,
Monroe.

What I'm trying to tell
you is that I'm married

and that I don't know any of
that kind of woman.

- Well, I don't know
who else to turn to.

- Well, this is a time when
a boy needs a father.

(Henry chuckling)

You see, Monroe...

(audience laughs)

Monroe, where are you?!

Ahh!

Will you stay put?!

(audience laughs)

What I was saying, Monroe,
is this a time when

a boy needs a father.

Too bad yours
is in Miami.

- Well, I already called him
and told him my problem.

- He said he'd take care of it.
- Good.

- Yeah, he sent me a check
for $2 and an address.

(audience laughs)

He said that's what
it cost him when he was my age.

(audience laughs)

Well, I drove there
first thing this morning

and when I got to the address,
it was a McDonald's.

(audience laughs)

I don't know what my father
had in mind,

but I ended up
with two Big Macs.

(audience laughs)

- Hi.
- Hi, Mom.

(Jackie)
- Hi, Mom.

- Am I interrupting anything?

Because if I am, I can
come back later.

- No, no.

Did Dad talk to Monroe?

- Oh, that's-- that's what
I wanna see you about.

- Is it bad?

- Oh, Monroe is fine.

It's-- it's nothing serious.

- It's nothing I can catch,
is it?

(audience laughs)

- I was hoping you
already have it.

(audience laughs)

- Mom, what are you
trying to say?

- Uh, girls, sit down.

(Muriel chuckling)

Oh, it's been a long time
since we've had a real

mother/daughter talk.

You know, I've kind of
missed those moments.

- Mom, what about Monroe?

- Monroe's problem
is a social one.

It-- it comes from lack of
intimate contact

with the opposite sex.

- You mean he
never, ever--

- Right.

- You mean he's still--
- Correct.

(audience laughs)

- He can't be.

- Well, it's the truth.

What do you mean,
"he can't be"?

(audience laughs)

- I don't know,
I just assumed--

I mean, who would think
the guy--

- You see, that's exactly
why he didn't tell you.

It's the old double standard.

If a woman keeps her virginity,
you respect her.

If a man does,
you ridicule him.

- Well, what did the
psychologist tell him to do?

- Well, he said
to just ignore it

and let nature take its course.

(Sara)
- Yeah.

- And that's what I want
to talk to you about, Sara.

- Me?

- I wanna make sure that
you're not on his course.

(audience laughs)

- I know what Mom's
getting at, Sara.

You know, if I were you,
I'd start being a little more

careful about how you dress
around Monroe.

Well, for example, look at
what you're wearing right now.

I mean, you can't dress like
that around him anymore.

It's too...

- Dangerous.

- You mean, you want me
to dress--

- Square.

(audience laughs)

- Can I borrow
some of your clothes?

(audience laughs)

(Jackie clearing throat)

- Okay, I see you have
the right idea.

I'll see you later, okay?

It was so much easier
with the birds and the bees.

(audience laughs)

- Gosh, this is going to be
a lot harder for Monroe

than it would
be for most guys.

He's so shy,
so unaggressive.

Jackie, do you know any nice
girls at the bank

you could introduce him to?

- Are you crazy?

I wouldn't ask a girl to go
to the movies with Monroe,

let alone what you have in mind.

(audience laughs)

- Well, if nobody will help him,
I guess it's up to me.

(audience laughs)

(upbeat music)

(knocking)

- Oh, could you hold on?
Who is it?

(Henry)
- It's us, your favorite
parents.

(audience laughs)

- Come on in,
I'm on the phone.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Rafkin.

Well, any time this week you can
drop it off will be fine.

And I wanna tell you,
I think you are very sweet,

kind and considerate to go out
of your way for me like this.

Yeah, I'll pay for the cab.

(audience laughs)

- We just saw
your lights on.

What are you doing up
so late?

- Solving the case of
the missing red dress.

- Mrs. Rafkin had it?

- Took it by mistake when she
came here a few weeks ago

to pick up all her
brother's belongings.

- How could she make
a mistake like that?

- Why not?

The man's a transvestite.

He had a closet full
of dresses.

One of Jackie's
could've gotten mixed in.

- How?

Her brother never wore
strapless.

(audience laughs)

- Is Sara in bed?

- I hope not,
she isn't home yet.

(audience laughs)

- Where is she?

- Oh, she went to a beach
party with Monroe.

- With Monroe?

- Isn't it sort of cold
for a beach party?

- Well, don't worry, they took
plenty of blankets.

- Bla-- bla-- bla-- bla-- bla--
bla-- bla-- blankets?!

- Henry, Henry,
don't overreact.

They just went
to a beach party.

- Well, for once,
I'm on Dad's side.

- Thank you.
- Why are you on his side?

- Yes, why are you
on my side?

- Because last night Sara
said it was up to her

to help Monroe out
with his... problem.

(both laughing)

- What a terrific time we had!

- Yeah, we had a great
fire going, good food.

(both chuckling)

(audience laughs)

- How are you
feeling, Monroe?

- Oh, much better,
Mr. Rush.

Thanks to Sara.

Yeah, that beach party was just
everything I needed.

- Don't just
stand there, Sara.

What do you have to say?

- Oh, I enjoyed it too!

(Monroe chuckling)

Monroe, we'll do it again
sometime.

- Yeah, well, it's getting late,
I better go.

- And quickly.

- Oh, gosh.

- What did he mean,
"thanks to Sara"?

- Oh, he was thanking me
for introducing him

to some nice girls
at the beach party.

- I don't care about them,
my concern is with you.

- Me?
- You.

- Dad, how could you--
Monroe?

Me and Monroe?!

I don't wanna discuss it!

(Sara whimpering)

(door slamming)

- Well, does that
put your mind at ease?

- How could it?
She never answered me.

(audience laughs)

- Well, it puts my mind
at ease.

And now that it's at ease,
I'd like to put it to bed.

Goodnight.

(Henry)
- Thankless job being a parent!

Bring them into the world,
you raise them,

you make sacrifices,
give them everything!

Ask them one little question
and they walk out on you!

- Come on, Henry.

(audience laughs)

- Are they gone?

- Yeah, now we can
get some sleep.

Goodnight.

- Wait, there's something
I have to tell you.

- Oh, Sara, I'm tired,
I don't wanna hear it.

- You have to hear it,
it involves our apartment.

- What do you mean it involves
our apartment?

- Well, the other day I took
matters into my own hands

and told Monroe's roommate
about his problem.

He explained to Monroe
that there are such things

as sexual surrogates.

- What do you mean it involves
our apartment?

- Uh, a sexual surrogate is
a person clinically trained

to help people with
their sexual problems.

- What do you mean
it involves our apartment?

(audience laughs)

- Well, Monroe asked
the psychologist about it

and the psychologist said
it was an unusual request

but he agreed.

So tonight I told Monroe
he and the surrogate

could use our apartment
for their,

you know, rendezvous.

- You didn't!

- Well, he can't use
his apartment.

His roommate's
cramming for an exam.

Jackie... we won't even
know they're here.

You know, and it's
for such a good cause.

(audience laughs)

- Well... okay.

But just this one time.

And I don't want
the pick of the litter.

(upbeat music)

- Hello, anybody home?

It's me... it's me,
Mildred Rafkin.

I brought your dress.

(audience laughs)

Oh, I've gotta get
one of these things.

(audience laughs)

I'll leave it in
the closet.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, you're here.
- Hello.

(audience laughs)

- Hi there.

Oh, these are for you.

- Thank you.

What's the occasion?

- Well, I'm the-- the guy
you're supposed to meet here

to, uh, make love with.

(audience laughs)

- What?

- I'm the guy you're
supposed to make love with.

- You're making a mistake.

I'm not one of
the Rush girls.

- Oh, no, no, I'm not--
I'm not making a mistake.

You're the one I'm supposed
to meet, all right.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

- Let me get this straight.

You wanna make love
to me?

- Very badly.

- What are you,
a junkie?

(audience laughs)

- No, I'm just
a little inexperienced.

Could-- could we please
get started?

- What do you think I am,
a cheap floozy?

- Oh, no, no, no, no,
I think you're a wonderful,

attractive and a very
sophisticated lady.

I have nothing
but respect for you.

- Well, that's different.

(audience laughs)

Let's go.

Now, don't think I do this
with everybody.

- No.

- In fact, I think
the last time...

was, uh... 1945.

(audience laughs)

- 1945?

- Yeah, V-J Day.

We had a ball.

- Well, don't you think that we
should settle

the money part of this first?

- Oh, not so fast.

If I don't like it,
I'm not paying.

- Oh...

(audience laughs)

No, you don't pay me,
I pay you.

- Oh, how sweet.
- Yeah.

- I couldn't let you do that.

You're a young boy,
you can't afford it.

Tell you what,
we'll go Dutch.

(audience laughs)

- I didn't know
you could do that.

- Oh, yes.

You're so young.

There's a lot
you don't know about sex.

Just give me a minute
and I'll take off my corset.

- Your what?

- My corset.
You don't know what a corset is?

- No.

- Stand back
and you won't get hurt.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, I think I'm crazy
about you!

(Monroe blowing)

- Could you close
the window?

There's a draft in here.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, this is really exciting.

(audience laughs)

- I went on a cruise
for $6,000, nothing happened.

Go figure I should get lucky
returning a dress.

Go, sweetheart.

- Monroe!

(audience laughs)

Mrs. Rafkin.

Oh... I'm terribly sorry.

- You should be,
interrupting like that.

- What?

- Oh...

(Henry)
- Monroe?!

- I'm-- I'm-- I'm terribly
sorry, Mr. Rush.

I can explain.

The psychologist, he arranged
for me to--

I was supposed to...

Uh, have a nice day.

- Sonny, Sonny...
will I hear from you?

(audience laughs)

(Henry chuckling)

- Mrs. Rafkin, I-- I don't know

what went on here, and you don't
owe me any explanation.

- Good, because
you're not getting any.

You know, this could've been
another V-J Day.

(audience laughs)

Bigmouth.

(audience applauding)

- I was told you were 21.

- What?

- Well, never mind.

Just don't expect
a student discount.

- Who are you,
what are you doing here?

- I'm the surrogate.
- What surrogate?

- You don't have to be
bashful with me.

That's what I'm here for,
to help you with your problem.

- Problem?

- You have waited a long
time, haven't you?

(audience laughs)

Well, how shall we
get to know each other?

- Oh...

You stay away from me.

You come near me
and I'll eject you bodily.

- Oh, that's good, we could
start by touching.

- What?

- Oh...
- Oh...

- What are you doing?

- The doctor said nothing
about you being kinky.

- Kink-- what are you...

Oh!

Oh, no, oh, Muriel!

Oh, you!

(Henry chuckling)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)