All language subtitles for Too.Close.for.Comfort.S01E03.The.Bag.Lady.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Test_track3_[eng]

**

- I can't believe
what I'm reading.

Robberies, rapes, murders.

- Well, that's why I never read
the front page anymore.

It's the entertainment section.

I haven't gotten to the front
page yet.

[audience laughs]

Crime is up.

Unemployment is up.

Threat of a transit strike.

- Cheer up Henry.

It's not the end of the world.

- End of the world.
Section B page one.

[audience laughs]

- I wish you'd pay attention to
local news for a change.

Now listen to this.

This happens every time
that I turn the faucet on

in my dark room.

[pipes rattling]

You see?

When I turn the water on
the pipes in the wall rattle.

- I'll-- I'll--
I'll look at it.

- I think we should
call a plumber.

- Do you have any idea
what a plumber costs?

They cost more than a doctor.

- They deserve it.
They make house calls.

- I'll fix it, turn it on.

[pipes rattling]

Off!

On!

[pipes rattling]

Off!

Okay.

-Henry, you know what
Edie Winkler does.

She gets workmen from that
midtown rehabilitation center.

- What's that?

- Well, it's a place
for ex-convicts.

They get them work
as plumbers, carpenters,

all sorts of things.

- Forget it.

- Oh, I really think we should
call the center

and give them a try.

- Muriel,
this is no big deal.

It's probably a loose bracket
that holds the pipe

fitting together came loose.

That's what causes
the vibration.

I'll just poke a little hole
in here in the wall

and voilá,
vibration will be gone.

- I still think we should call
the center.

- Let's see?

[hammering]

Yeah.

Just as I thought.

Hold the flashlight.

There it is.

[Henry laughs]

Yeah.
All finished.

- What about
the hole in the wall?

Well, I'll--
I'll plaster up.

In the meantime we'll hang a
picture of it.

- Which picture?

- Remember that
terrible still life

someone gave us
for a wedding present.

- My mother.

- I didn't wanna
mention names.

- Henry, you said that that
picture was so ugly.

You wouldn't even use it to
cover a hole in the wall

with it.

- It was before it's time.
Now I will.

- I'll get it.

- Yeah,
this ought to do it.

[crumbling down noise]

[audience laughs]

[Henry laughs forcibly]

- I'll get a bigger picture.

- Hi.

It wasn't your turn
to do the shopping.

- This isn't food.

- Are you okay?

- I will be, if
I haven't been followed.

- Jackie, are you ill?

Sit down.
Let me have the bag.

- Don't touch it.

- You're acting weird.

I gonna go call mom.

- No, don't call mom.

I don't want her to know what's
in this bag, she'll worry.

- Why, what's in the bag?

- A hundred thousand dollars
in cash.

- You're right.
I won't call mom.

- I'll call the doctor.
- Sara!

- I'm not crazy.

There's a hundred thousand
dollars in this bag.

Look.

[Sara gasps]

- Oh my God.

Jackie, why?

Why-- Why would you steal from
your own bank?

- Are you nuts?

You-- You don't really
think I stole this.

They told me to take it home.

- Come on, let's go up
and see dad.

- If you'd open a newspaper,
once in a while,

you know the armor car
drivers are out on strike.

Mr. Ryan down at the bank,
chose several of us

to make the regular
money pickups.

I had to go to four
different supermarkets,

pick up their cash
and deliver it to the bank.

- Then what's it doing here?

- There was a big fight
at the last market.

A woman tried to go through the
10 items express line

with 12 items.

Before the time I got out there,
the bank vault was closed.

So I called Mr. Ryan and he said
to take the money home

and to bring it
back in the morning.

- Oh, you mean we don't get
to keep any of it?

- I don't even want it
temporarily.

I was a nervous wreck ever since
I left the market.

I kept imagining everyone knew

there was a hundred thousand
dollars in this bag

and I ran all the way home
22 blocks.

- Why didn't you take a taxi?

- I didn't have any money.

- Muriel, what time did you say
that rehabilitation center

was sending over
the plasterers?

- Oh, sometime this afternoon.

- Give me that.

- Oh, what are you doing?

- I'm gonna lock it up where
it'll be safe.

Henry, these men
are not convicts.

- They're ex-convicts.
- I know that.

I just wanna remove temptation.

Give me your wedding ring.

- Oh, Henry, this ring has been
on my finger for 24 years.

I don't think it'll come off.

- All right, come with me.
- Where?

- I'm gonna lock you in a closet
with the rest

of the valuables.
- Henry--

- It'll only be for
a couple of hours, Muriel.

I promise as soon as they're
gone, I'll let you out.

[audience laughs]

- Henry, you're being paranoid.

- I'm not being paranoid.

I'm just afraid those ex-cons
will pull a gun,

ties up with gags
in our mouth.

It's steal
everything in the place.

Don't accuse me of being
paranoid.

[audience laughs]

- Okay, irrational
- That I'll buy.

[audience laughs]

- Henry, these men
are human beings

who somewhere along the line,
made a mistake

and were punished for it.

They've paid their
debt to society and it's

our responsibility to overlook
what they've done

and give them
another chance.

We did it for Nixon.

[audience laughs]

[doorbell rings]

- It must be them.

- Now try to be considerate.

- I will.
I will.

- Mr. Rush?
-Yes.

- We're from the
rehabilitation center.

- Yes, yes, come in.
We've been expecting you.

This is Mrs. Rush.

- I'm Whitey Cahill.

- How do you do it?
- This is Sam Morton.

[audience laughs]

Cut that out, will you?

He likes to pull that gag.

He knows people have a thing
about ex-cons

coming into their home.

So he--
He likes to put them on

[force laugh]

- Well, that's funny.
That's funny.

- It's a good icebreaker.

[force laugh]
It's an icebreaker.

- It never changes
how uptight people get,

once they know you serve time.

- Really?

- But we understand.

I mean, it's hard for some
people overlook the fact

that we broke the law.

So we have to forgive the fact
that they feel that way.

Put them at ease.

That's a nice ring,
Mrs. Rush.

[audience laughs]

- It won't come off.

- Come on, Sam.
Let's get to work.

Where's the Job?

- It's in the kitchen.
Follow me.

- Holy Mahalia.
Was there an earthquake?

- Aw, we must have slept
right through it.

- Uh, wasn't an earthquake just
happens to be an old wall.

- Yes, we were doing some work
on the pipes--

Oh, you should sue
the yoyo, who did this?

- I'm afraid,
I can't do that.

- You didn't have to pay.

- No, no, I didn't,
but I do have to sleep with him.

[audience laughs]

- Well, uh,
let's get started.

- Tell me, I don't mean
to get personal--

- Armed robbery.

- Ah... I see.

And uh, and--
And how--

- He got two years.
I got four.

- You held the gun?

No, he had the gun.
I had the color.

[audience laughs]

- But we learned our lesson.

- Oh, good, you know what?
It takes a person

of intelligence to recognize
their mistakes.

Come on Henry.
Let's let the men work.

-Yes.
-Yeah.

- No more penny
and stickers for us.

- What?
What do you mean?

- Yeah, we were pretty stupid.

Imagine trying to hold up a taco
stand at 8:30 in the morning.

They didn't even
have any cash yet.

So we ended up with 130 tacos.

[audience laughs]

The smart guys.
They wait for the one big score.

You know the kind
where they make enough

to leave the country,
go to Brazil,

change their name and be
a nice respectable life.

[doorbell rings]

- I'll get it.

Muriel, I'll answer the door.

You stay in there and
keep an eye on them.

- Henry, what are they gonna
steal in the kitchen?

Meatloaf?

- They took Tacos.
They'll take meatloaf.

- Go on, tell them!

Wait until you hear this.

Go ahead, Jackie.
You not gonna believe this.

Well, go ahead.
Go ahead, tell them.

- I will, as soon
as there's an opening,

Mom, dad, The Brinks drivers
are on strike.

- I know that I read the papers.

- There's more,
the bank asks Jackie

to bring money home with her
and keep it overnight.

- Why did they pick you?

- Well, they picked
three of us,

three tellers who were very
plain looking and unassuming.

- How dare they?

- Well, mom, it's
because of the strike.

They had to figure out a way to
get the money picked up

and delivered to the bank.

- Not that, how dare they
call you plain looking?

- Muriel, that isn't important.

You tell them, no,
it's too dangerous.

It's too risky.

- It's also too late.
- What?

Well, I made the final pickup,
but I couldn't get back

to the bank in time.

The money's in this bag.

- Oh, oh.
Why didn't you say so?

How much is in here?

- A hundred thousand dollars.

- Ah-- ah--

Is everything
all right in there?

Why don't you turn
the radio up a little louder.

- There's no radio in here.

- I'll get you one

Downstairs.
Downstairs.

Just go downstairs.

- Who were you talking to?
-Listen to your dad--

- Shh! shh!
I'll tell you downstairs.

-Come on, come on!

[audience laughs]

- All right, all right.
Everybody be calm, be calm.

Now what we've gotta do
is hide that money someplace

where, where nobody
will find it.

In case somebody
follow Jackie.

All right.
Give me the bag.

- What do you mean?
- The bag?

- Gimme the bag with the money.
- I gave you the bag.

- I gave it to you upstairs.

- Ah-- Ah--

[audience laughs]

[audience laughs]

- Mr. Rush.
- What?

[audience laughs]

Uh, about that radio?

-Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.

I'm about to get it
right now.

What's in the bag you ask?

[audience laughs]

The bag, I'm gonna
put the radio in.

Does that answer your question?
[force laugh]

It's a very good question.

I'd ask that same question,
if I saw a man,

with a bag, like--

[audience laugh]

Come on, come on, come on!

Open up, open up,
open up!

Why did you open the door
without knowing who it was?

[audience laughs]

- I knew who it was.
I recognized your voice.

- How did you know
it was my voice?

- Because it's been yelling
at me for 21 years.

- It could have been
someone imitating my voice.

A thief could have come in here
and stole you blind.

- And he brought
the money with him?

- We'll discuss it later.

Muriel I had a close
call up there,

just as I reached for the bag,
why he came out the door.

- But he doesn't know
what's in the bag, does he?

- No, he thinks it's a radio.
That's a good thing too.

You heard them talking about
that one big score.

They do anything to get
their hands on this money.

- Mr. Rush.

[screams]

- You really didn't have to pay
us till a job is done, Mr. Rush.

[audience laughs]

[force laugh]

- It's not
what you think it is.

He think it's real money.

[force laugh]
No.

We were just about
to play monopoly.

This is, you know,
park place, boardwalk.

Go to jail.

[audience laughs]

- Uh, we're just going out to
get some more plaster, Mr. Rush.

- We'll be back in an hour
to finish the job.

[audience laughs]

- What do we do now?
They saw the money.

We can't keep it here.

- We have to keep it here.
I'm responsible for it.

I'll just have to hide it
where nobody will find it.

- No, no, no, Jackie,
we can't keep it down here.

We've gotta hide it
someplace else.

I'll-- I'll hide it upstairs.

- Now just a second dad.
This money's my responsibility.

- She's right, dear.

- Muriel, we're not talking
about a few dollars.

We're talking about
an enormous amount of money.

You let me handle this.

- Your father's right,
darling.

- Why? Because he doesn't
have confidence in me.

The bank did, they trusted me
to bring it home.

The bank may have
trusted you to bring it home,

but while
you're under this roof

and while you're putting us
all in danger,

the responsibility remains
with the head of the household.

- Oh, Henry.
Don't lay this on me.

[audience laughs]

- Are you through
with your jokes, Muriel?

- If that's the kind of audience
you're going to be, yes.

- Come on, let's go
put that money in the bag.

- Come on.
-Come quickly.

Don't rip any of it.
There's some over there.

[upbeat music]

- Really? Jackie,
I don't think it's a question

of your father not having
confidence in you.

It's-- It's more
a question of fear.

Yes, it comes from reading the
newspaper every morning.

[audience laughs]

- But I think he's
calmed down a little now that

the workmen have finished
the job and left.

Yeah.
Try to get some rest.

I love you.

- Okay.
The windows are all locked.

Doors are all bolted.

And I left lights on
in all the rooms.

- Oh good.

With the cost of electricity
today the hundred thousand

should just about cover it.

- Who are you talking
on the phone, Jackie?

Is she still angry with me?

No, she'll get over.
In fact she'll thank me.

I've took extra precautions
in hiding the money.

- Where did you hide it?

- I better not tell you Muriel.

In case they come back and
resort the torture.

[audience laughs]

- Aren't you going to put
your pajamas on?

- In the morning?

I wanna be prepared.
You never know.

I might have to give chase.

- Well, in that case,

shouldn't you be sleeping in
your jogging shoes.

- It's a good idea.

- I was kidding.

- No, no, no,
still a good idea.

[car door noise]

What's that?
Shh-- Turn off the lights.

- What is it?
- I heard a car door.

It could be Whitey and Sam
coming back to rob us.

There's a man
standing out there

and he is wearing
a trench coat.

- Well, it is raining.

- He's standing in front of
Feldman's house.

Call the police.

- Oh, Henry really?
- Call, call.

Turn off the lights.
[audience laughs]

- Henry, the last time I tried
to call the police in the dark

we had a pizza delivered at 2:30
in the morning.

Hello police, I would like to
report a prowler--

- Hang up.
It's Feldman.

Who's just going into his
house-- Good night.

And good night, Henry.

- When is he gonna stop treating
me like a child?

How dare he take away
my responsibility?

- Well, it is an awful
lot of money Jackie

and those men did see it.

- Sara, it's not the money.
It's the principle.

If that's dad,
you tell him I'm asleep.

I don't wanna talk to him.

- Hello?

Just a minute please.
It's Mr. Ryan from the bank.

- Oh, hello? Mr. Ryan.

No, no problems whatsoever.

Oh yes, I have a hidden away
in a very safe place.

Where?
He wants to know where?

- Tell him you
can't tell him.

Somebody could be holding
a gun to his head,

forcing him to make this call
like they did to James Garner

on the Rockford Files.

- I'm sorry, I can't
divulge that, Mr. Ryan,

you could be making
this call under duress.

- Or was it Robert Blake
on Baretta?

- Yes, sir, I'll have their
first thing in the morning

- Or Starsky on
Starsky and Hutch.

Or was it Hutch?

- That really ticks me off.

You know, Mr. Ryan, a man I've
only known for seven months.

He has complete confidence in me
and my own father doesn't.

- Yeah, but don't forget.
Dad's known you longer.

[audience laughs]

- Did you finish
all those cookies?

- Yeah.
- Good.

Maybe they go
straight to your hips.

- Oh, good morning.
Come on in.

- I just put the coffee on.

- Oh, I don't want any coffee,
mom, I'm in a hurry.

- Well, I'm in a hurry too.

I'll just have juice
in a couple of eggs.

- Henry, Jackie's here.
- And Sarah.

- Jackie.

Jackie, in spite of what you
think I want you to know

that I have the utmost of
confidence in you.

It's just that this
was an unusual situation

and it called for well--
Experience.

Unless you can
think of a better word,

- I can, but I'd rather
not say it.

Now, dad, I am running late.
Where's the money?

- You're looking at it.

- You hid it in there.
[Henry laughs]

Was on the nightstand next
to your mother's bed all night.

A place so obvious.

No burglar would think
to look.

- What a terrific idea.

- Well, I have to admit dad.

I never would've
thought of that.

- Oh, Henry,
you should have told me.

I think I blew my nose at
a $100 bill during the night.

- Well, how'd you get the whole
hundred thousand in there?

- I didn't, I didn't take
any chances.

I split the money in half and
hid them in two separate places.

- Where'd you hide
the other half?

- Sara, would you go to the
kitchen and get the flashlight?

- No, no, no, honey.
It's in the hall closet.

- Where'd you hide the rest of
the money in the attic?

- A-ha!
On the contrary.

A thief would look
for the obvious hiding place.

I opted for the obscure,
box of tissue

and a super object,
like a flashlight.

- You hid the money in the
flashlight.

- Who never think to look
inside a flashlight for money.

- Exactly, and the fact
that it didn't work would mean

that the batteries
were dead.

Why-- Why is it working?

It was working yesterday
afternoon,

when I used to line
the closet shelves.

- Where's the money.
Where's the money.

I put the money
in this flashlight.

Muriel, when did you go to
the kitchen

to get the flashlight?

- I took it yesterday before
the workmen arrived.

- Well that can't be, I put the
money in the flashlight

when Sam and Whitey
went from all plaster.

Oh my God, Henry, you put
the money in their flashlight!

- I-- I put--

[audience laughs]

Dad!

You handed two ex-convicts.
$50,000.

- They're probably in
Brazil by now.

- What am I gonna tell Mr. Ryan?
He'll think I stole the money.

Have me arrested.

- You're not going
to get arrested.

It wasn't your fault.

I'm gonna talk to my lawyer.
Irv Greenblatt.

- Henry,
Irv Greenblatt's in jail.

- I know, but he's
entitled to one call.

- He's entitled
to one call out, not in.

Muriel, are you gonna get
technical at a time like this?

[doorbell rings]

- Oh, come in.
- Good morning.

- I believe this belongs to you.

- Oh.
[gasps]

Oh! Thank You!

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- And I believe
this belongs to you.

- Thank you.

See, we started a new job this
morning and when I opened

a flashlight to find out
why it wasn't working,

I realized it wasn't ours.

- Yeah, well, I'm just glad we
didn't discover last night.

I wouldn't have been able to
sleep, having that much

monopoly money around.

[audience laughs]

I can't tell you how--
How grateful we are,

but I can tell you how much
I respect your honesty

and your integrity.

Well, thanks very much,
Mr. Rush that, uh--

That makes us feel real good.

Come on Sam.

- Hey, uh, if I was you,

I wouldn't leave so much cash
laying around.

No, I'd stash it somewhere safe,
like uh--

Like a bank.
[force laugh]

- Thank you.

Jackie, I owe you an apology.

- Oh, that's okay, dad.

- No, no, no, no.

I assumed that because
of your age,

you couldn't handle
responsibility.

Well, I was wrong.

As a matter of fact,

you probably could do a better
job than I did.

Give me a little time,
I'm still learning,

after all I've only been a
father for 21 years.

[audience laughs and applauds]

[Too Close For Comfort theme]