Original subtitles

(theme music)

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(alarm rings)

(ringing continues)

(ringing stops)

(ringing resumes)

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(muffled ringing)

(ringing continues)

- You, you wait.

(ringing continues)

(ringing fades)

(phone ringing)

- Ohh! - Henry!

You can't hit everything that rings.

Hello?

Who's calling?

Oh, one moment, please.

Sara, telephone. Some boy named David.

Oh, oh, Henry, come on. You can't go back to sleep.

You have to go to Rafkin's funeral today.

Come on, you'll be late.

- He's dead, he'll wait.

- Henry, the man was our tenant for eight years.

His rent checks were always on time.

Isn't that the least you can do? Come on.

- Did I hear you say David was on the phone?

- Yes. - David's the boy

I had a date with last night.

Why is he calling Sarah?

She did it again, she hits on every guy I go out with.

- That isn't true.

I did nothing to encourage David.

I just walked through the living room

while he was waiting for you and said hi.

- What were you wearing when

you walked through the living room?

- Nothing special. Just what I'm wearing now.

- You see!

Oh, I can't wait to get my own apartment.

- Well, I can't help it if your boyfriends are attracted to me.

When it comes to personality, I just happen to be a ten.

- When it comes to personality, you happen to be a 36C.

- Next time your sister has a date come by the house,

you wear nothing less than a topcoat.

- Why do you always stick up for Jackie?

- I've known her longer.

- You better get into the bathroom before the girls do.

- Yeah, I suppose so.

By the time they get out of there, Rafkin will decompose.

- Oh, and Henry, don't take too long.

I have a photo session of the Embarcadero this morning.

- Oh, that was fast. - Not fast enough.

Jackie beat me to it.

(sighs)

You know, you look gorgeous in the morning with your

tossled hair and sexy eyelashes,

sweeping curve of your back.

Warm, firm shape of your remote control unit?

Forgive me, I thought it was you.

- I thought it was you.

- Bathroom's all yours, Dad.

- Oh, thank you.

Sara is in there now.

- Ugh, I'll get her out.

Sara.

Sara.

(Muriel screams)

- I swear they get further away every morning.

- I'm out, Dad.

- Oh, thank you.

- Oh, take your time. Mom's in there now.

- My luck, I live in a house

with three women and one bathroom.

Muriel, I'm going to be late for Rafkin's funeral.

You know what time it is?

It's 7:30!

- What did Rafkin do to this place?

- God.

My God, my God.

My God!

- Henry, do you know a stronger expression

than "Oh, my God"? - Why?

- You're going to need it when you see the bedroom.

How expensive is it to have mirrors

removed from the ceiling?

- Ohh!

Ohh...

- Henry, the whole apartment has to be redone.

- No one's gonna rent it looking like this

unless they're strung out on drugs.

- Ooh, it's magnificent. - I love it.

- You keep them down here.

I'll go up and search their room.

- I had no idea Mr. Rafkin has such great taste.

- He must have used decorators.

- I think you're right. From time to time,

I've seen some strange looking women

coming out of this apartment.

- Hey, look at all the beautiful dresses.

- Who did they belong to?

He wasn't married.

- Probably to Rafkin's sister.

Here's a picture of her.

Talk about a family resemblance.

- That's no resemblance.

That's Rafkin in drag.

- He was a transvestite.

How exciting.

- Henry, do you know what this means?

That all those strange looking women I saw

coming out of this apartment,

they were all Rafkin.

- You know, I must have held the door for him

on several occasions.

- Come on, let's look at the rest of the place.

- No, no, I've seen enough, I'm going back to work.

You know, I should've suspected something from his rent checks.

They weren't the usual scenic kind

like landscapes or seascapes.

- What were they? - Nubian slaves.

- Hey, I got a great idea.

You want to hear it? - No.

- Okay, here it is.

You planned to get your own apartment eventually.

Why wait?

- Are you crazy?

With what am I make at the bank, I can't afford the rent

Dad gets for this place.

- You could if you had a roommate.

- Well, yeah, but I don't know anybody that I'd want...

Oh, no, you don't.

You're one of the main reasons I went out.

I wouldn't share an apartment with you.

- Why not? What's wrong with me?

- You want it alphabetically?

A, you're lazy, you never wash a dish.

B, you're unreliable. Every time a guy calls me,

you forget to give me the message.

C, you're a slob.

Our bedroom looks like a store room at the Salvation Army.

Don't stop me now. I'm on a run.

And D, you're a pain in the--

- Hold it. That's A again.

- Sara, when I can finally afford to move,

it's going to be out.

Not under.

- I'm 21.

I want some privacy, some independence.

I don't want my father monitoring my life.

- But, Jackie,

we'll have plenty of independence down here.

- Well, I just looked in Rafkin's bedroom

and am I ever jealous.

- Why? - He has a mink coat.

- There, that's better.

Very, very, very nice.

"Thank you."

- I'm beginning to worry about you, Henry.

I think you're developing a split personality.

- I am not.

"Neither am I."

Chuckle, clunk, clunk,

clunk, clunk, clunk.

Splat.

Oh, what am I doing?

I'm a talented illustrator.

Why am I reduced to drawing children's comic books.

- Well, to pay the bills.

- I'm 51 years old.

Shouldn't they be paid by now?

I'm 51, Muriel.

I have parts you can't get anymore.

- Mom, Dad, can we talk to you?

- There's something we want to ask you.

You're probably going to say no, but we want to ask you anyway.

- Even though you're probably going to say no.

- What is it? - We'd like to rent

rent the apartment downstairs? - No.

- You girls probably couldn't afford the rent anyway.

- I can switch classes so I can go to school in the morning

and get a job in the afternoon.

- And Dad wouldn't have to redecorate.

We love it the way it is.

And we're not asking for any special favors.

- You girls can't get along in this apartment

where you have two referees.

Down there, you'll kill each other.

Forget it. It's out of the question.

- Well, I think you're a stubborn, closed minded,

grouchy old man, but I mean that respectfully.

- All we wanted was to have some privacy and independence.

You may not have noticed, but we've become two adult,

mature, sophisticated young women.

All I have to say is...

(blows raspberry)

- Muriel, this may come as a shock to you,

but I don't want to have any more kids.

- Wow.

13 and a half triple E.

(whistles)

Well, I'm glad he lived under us and not over us.

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell continues)

- How do you do?

I telephoned about the apartment.

- Oh, yes. I've been expecting you.

Please come in.

- Oh, I like it.

- You do? - Mm-hmm.

- Oh, good.

Please sit down. - Thank you.

Um, how many bedrooms?

- Two. - Perfect.

Business has been so good lately,

I need a larger apartment.

- Well... (chuckles)

(indistinct)

Well...

What kind of work do you do?

- I'm a personal masseuse.

- Ah.

- Y ou know, massage, manipulation,

therapeutic baths.

I give relief.

I'm very good.

- Do you...

Do you work at home?

- Of course. - I'm sorry,

but we can't rent for professional purposes.

- Oh, but if it's a matter of references,

I can give you as many as you want.

Politicians, business executives,

religious leaders. jockeys.

- That won't be necessary-- Jockeys?

The apartment's taken.

- Taken? I only phoned 20 minutes ago.

- Well, it happened quite suddenly.

An Arab bought it. Yeah, son of a sheikh.

Wanted to buy the whole building,

you know how they are.

I just talked him into renting this apartment.

- I'm here about the apartment.

- Ah, come in, Abdul. So glad to see you.

How's your dad?

Terribly sorry for taking up your time.

That woman gives massages, baths,

everything.

- Well, I could come back later.

- Huh? Oh, no, no, no.

Please, sit down. Sit down.

Oh, wait. Before you sit,

what do you do for a living?

- I'm a professional artist.

- Sit.

Very comfortable.

- Yes, isn't it?

Professional artist, eh?

Well, so am I, in a way.

Children's comics.

"Cosmic Cow."

You probably wouldn't consider that art.

- No.

You work in oils? Watercolors?

- Poster paints. - Ah.

- I paint nudes. - Ah, nudes.

Women? - That's right.

- Mmm.

- Nice thing about poster paints,

it doesn't mark up their flesh.

- Whose flesh? - The models.

You see, I...

I paint the model's body,

and have her roll around on the canvas.

It's an innovative forum.

Several galleries are already interested.

I expect to be hung soon.

- You should be.

- Incidentally, if you know of

any pretty young girls around here who would like

to model to make a couple of extra dollars, I--

- Out, out. - What's wrong?

- Out, I wouldn't rent this apartment to you,

you lied to me. - I lied to you--

- Yes! You're no Arab.

We really have to be careful who we rent to, Muriel.

- I know a young couple who would love

to have that apartment. - You do?

I'd like to talk to them. - They're not talking to you.

- Oh, them, the silent sisters.

- Actually, Henry,

there are some advantages to having them live downstairs.

- Really? Like what?

- Well, you wouldn't have to wait in line

in the morning to get into the bathroom.

- Well, that would be a welcome change.

- And their bedroom could be turned

into a wonderful studio for you.

- I hadn't thought of that, my own studio.

(grumbles)

The thought of it, Muriel,

those two girls their age,

looking the way they do, out there on our own.

I don't know, Muriel.

Why is it so hard to grow up?

- They all do it, Henry.

- Not them, me.

My daughters are ready to go out on their own

and I'm not ready for it.

- Jackie intends to get her own apartment one day,

and Sara will probably want to move in with her.

And they're not going to be able to afford a nice neighborhood

like this one.

At least, Henry, if they're living downstairs,

we'll be able to keep an eye on them.

- Hmm, that's true.

- And it would be awfully nice

to make love again with the door open.

- Keep going, Muriel.

You're getting warm.

At least I am.

=- I guess you'd say I look okay in a bathing suit.

I have some that I really look great in that,

but my dad won't let me wear them.

- Are you still on the phone?

Sara, I told you I was expecting a call from Roger.

Now, come on.

- I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Oh, San Francisco State.

I'm a freshman. - Sara...

I'm tired of doing all the moving

while you talk on the phone.

If Roger's been trying to get through

and the line's been busy, you're going to hear about it.

- Okay, okay.

Hey, nice talking to you.

Here's Jackie.

It's Roger.

(music playing)

(music continues)

**

- Muriel.

Muriel.

(music continues)

Muriel! - What?

- Answer a question for me.

- Oh, Henry, I was asleep. - That's the question.

How can you sleep with the music playing so loudly downstairs?

- I'm used to it.

I used to sing with a band, remember?

The only thing that ever kept me awake was the drummer.

I used to go with a drummer.

- Is this the way it's going to be with them living downstairs,

parties every weekend.

- Henry, it's their first party.

- They just moved in this morning.

Rafkin never carried on like that.

- Rafkin was older.

He was into Tupperware parties.

- Rafkin had class.

He was a lady.

(sniffing) What's that--

what's tha-- what's that smell?

(sniffing)

That's marijuana, that's smoking pot down there.

- Oh, Henry, you don't even know what marijuana smells like.

You've never smoked it.

- Oh, I suppose you have.

- Many times.

- Oh, yes, I forgot, the band.

- No, PTA meetings.

- Very funny. - Darling, come on.

What you're smelling is incense.

It's very popular with young people today.

They all burn incense.

- I didn't know that.

Why do they have to like it so much?

- It kills the smell of the pot.

- That's it, that's it.

I'm going down there, and I'm throwing everybody out.

- Oh, come on back to bed

and stop being ridiculous, come on.

That's it. Come on, come on.

I'm sure they're not doing anything

we didn't do at their age.

- Oh, God!

- Dad, you better come downstairs quick

and break up a terrible fight.

- Well, you shouldn't invite guys to your party

you know don't get along with each other.

- What, guys? It's me and Jackie.

And she started it.

- Just remember it was your idea

for them to have their own apartment.

- Dad, Dad, don't bother coming downstairs.

Sara and I are old enough to have our own apartment,

we are old enough to work out our differences.

I'm the oldest. I'll handle it.

- I like that.

- What'd she say? - She said you started.

- I'll kill her.

- Okay, Henry, come on.

They'll work it out among themselves.

- Muriel, I'll never forgive Rafkin

for deserting us this way.

- You are a wonderful father.

- Yes.

Goodnight, Henry.

- Goodnight.

(music playing)

**

- Oh, hey, sorry, man.

We didn't know anybody was in here.

It's okay, it's cool.

(door closes)

- Who is that? - Not who. What.

Muriel, let's be honest,

we'd have been better off if we let them move to another state.

Letting them live under us in their own apartment

is going to drive me crazy.

Every time I see a boyfriend's car drive up at night on

the driveway, I wonder what time he's going home,

or if he's going home.

The parties, people coming and going.

Music playing all hours of the night.

I tell you, Muriel, we made a mistake.

(siren wailing)

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's definite,

we made a big mistake, Muriel.

- Henry, what is it? Is it the police?

- No, it's not just the police, Muriel,

it's a SWAT team.

(music and applause)