Original subtitles

FEMALE DISPATCHER ON RADIO: Second Squad, 10-11 in progress

at Carmine's on Orchard, where Dispatch had the worst date of her life

with Bonnie Denablio's cousin Ricky.

Ricky, wherever you are, this one's for you.

Did you know it was illegal to give a monkey a cigarette in New Jersey?

That's why their monkeys live longer than ours.

Is this guy ever gonna come out?

I think if he was going to, he would have by now.

Whoa.

Then there's that.

That's not our guy, but should we...

I wouldn't.

(GUNSHOT)

(FIRING CONTINUES)

Stay down.

WALSH: The shooter's gone!

SHRAEGER: Walsh!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

What do you think?

(SNIFFING) Hmm. Medium-caliber handgun.

Five shots fired. One in our car,

one in the wall over here, and three in our victim.

Okay, here's what I think.

A jealous husband comes home,

finds the vic in bed with his wife, she's cheating on him,

starts chasing him.

Okay, which means that our killer had to live somewhere nearby.

I'll have the uniforms comb a five-block radius, see what we can find.

Poor naked dead guy.

No one should have to go out like that.

I'm gonna call CSU and see if we can't get an ID on that naked guy.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom and see if I can un-burn

the image of that naked guy's hairy ass off my brain.

Why would you do that?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(SIGHING)

Hey, man, this is gonna sound a little weird,

but, you smell horses?

Yeah, you're right. That sounds weird.

No, like a manure smell. You don't smell that? No?

No. No.

You know, I used to ride in high school.

The girl horses, not the stallions. They freak me out.

You know, the size of the...

You know, I just have a hard time even imagining you on horses.

Yeah, there's a lot of things about me would probably surprise you.

Beaumont, call. We just got a call, a B&E on Eldridge.

Got it, Sarge.

(SNIGGERING)

(GASPS)

Okay.

Walsh?

On the phone, Eddie.

Eddie, a fax came in for you earlier.

(STIFLED LAUGHTER)

ALVAREZ: Ha, ha. It's very funny. It...

(CLEARING THROAT) Everyone should go back to work now.

Alvarez, I need you to finish those booking sheets.

- Sir... - Now, Eddie.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Detective.

Counselor.

Are you still dating Davis Nixon?

Yeah, why?

No reason. Just...

Eddie and I had dinner at Two Doors last night. Davis was there.

Oh, yeah. Having dinner with his mom.

Casey, he wasn't with his mom.

I mean, I'm sure it was just...

Oh, no, it's fine. It's fine.

Maybe it was his sister.

No, he doesn't have a sister.

(CLEARING THROAT)

(SOFTLY) Okay...

I just thought you should know.

Mmm-hmm.

FEMALE DISPATCHER ON RADIO: Second Squad, this is Dispatch reminding you

that handcuffs are for official police business only.

Mr. Foer, I'm Detective Beaumont. This is Detective Cole.

Someone broke into your apartment last night?

They stole my apologies.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

My apologies. My tapes. They stole my tapes.

You mean porn?

Jeremy has a service, The Apology Line. People call in.

Come in, come in.

And who are you?

Stephanie Taft, the girlfriend.

I put up flyers around the city.

I have an answering machine, and people call.

Most have been living with guilt for years.

Last week's tape is missing.

You called the cops because somebody stole a cassette tape?

You have to understand, Detective. The service is very important to Jeremy.

It's a way for people to make amends for the things they've done wrong,

the damage they've done.

Surely there are things in your life you wish you could apologize for.

Hold on a second.

You're saying the people on these tapes, they confess to crimes?

Crimes, affairs, anything they feel guilty about.

Class A felony for a cassette tape?

That must be some apology.

Got an ID on our naked guy.

Byron Maint. He lives up on Columbus.

- You okay? - What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

So, do you want to go see his place?

Who? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah.

Walsh? Yeah, I know that was you. My desk.

Your desk? Oh, yeah. You have to dry clean those things, Eddie,

otherwise, they shrink.

Okay, not funny.

No, it is funny, just not to you.

Hey. You gonna let him get away with that?

No. You're right. I'm... I should tell Sergeant Brown.

Tell Sergeant Brown? No. No. You got to pay Walsh back.

No, see, Eddie Alvarez doesn't believe in humiliating people for sport.

It's not for sport. It's for respect, Eddie.

Practical jokes are about fitting in.

Listen, people around here think you think you're better than them,

so they prank you to cut you down to size,

show you you're nothing special.

Okay, so, why reciprocate?

To show them you are one of them,

that you're part of the group.

- Hmm. - Listen.

You prank Walsh, really prank him,

you'll get respect, trust me.

SHRAEGER: You ever sleep with another man's wife?

- What? - Just a question.

You know, the naked guy. I'm just making conversation.

Well, I hooked up with a baseball groupie once, after an away game.

Charlene something.

Then, about halfway through, her boyfriend came home.

So I got to jump out the window and end up on the roof in my underwear.

And Charlene?

Oh, she finishes with her boyfriend.

Yeah, it's a heartwarming story of love and trust.

(LAUGHING) Man!

Well, this is an upscale address for a naked guy.

Yeah.

His wife inside?

OFFICER 1: Oh, yeah.

(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)

(OFFICER 2 LAUGHING)

What the hell is wrong with everybody?

(QUIETLY) She's naked.

Ma'am.

Hello.

(SIGHS)

LISA: I want the gun.

When you catch him, the man who killed my husband,

I want the gun.

Mrs. Maint, we...

I'm going to melt it down. I'm gonna make sure no one ever uses it again.

Mrs. Maint, when a gun is recovered from a homicide investigation,

it's marked as evidence.

And after the trial, a private company, escorted by police,

drive it to a facility in Queens

where they put it in an incinerator and melt it down.

I just don't know what I'm gonna do without him.

Mom? Are these the detectives?

(STAMMERING) I'll get going, okay? I'll call you later.

Okay.

SHRAEGER: Mrs. Maint, Amanda,

do you have any idea why Byron would be on Old Fulton Road

early this morning?

Our family owns a chain of drugstores.

Byron ran the business mostly from home,

but last night, he said he had a business meeting.

You're nudists?

Naturalists. We believe in total openness.

So, was Byron dressed when he left this morning?

Yes! We're not freaks!

Amanda, please.

Mom!

Give me a moment to talk to the detectives.

I'll be right up.

You have to excuse her. She's very upset.

She doesn't share your beliefs.

She's 18. She wanted to go to school, be a normal girl.

Hmm.

Byron fought it. I told him it was just a phase.

Oh, Byron.

(SOBBING)

You want to pull the phone record for The Apology Line while I listen to these tapes?

Explain to me how apologizing to an answering machine

makes people feel any better about what they've done.

Well, have you ever gone to confession?

When I was six.

Well, confession is salvation.

It's to be naked in front of God and know that no matter what you've done,

he loves you.

Smelling horses everywhere.

Whores?

Not whores, horses.

I don't want to think about what my life would be like

if I smelled whores everywhere I went.

Uh-huh.

Are you listening to me?

Do you know how hard it is to get clown makeup off a bone saw?

(CLEARING THROAT) Listen, I...

I'm ready to get the MRI.

Detective, what part of "I can't help you" don't you understand?

The New York City Medical Examiner's Office

does not have an MRI machine. You know why?

Because if we need to look inside somebody's head,

we use this.

Okay, okay, look, give me the MRI,

you never got to talk to me again.

Great. Meet me at Memorial Hospital at midnight.

Memorial Hospital.

Midnight. Don't be late.

Hey! This is a treat.

I didn't think I was allowed to see you when you're working.

I ordered some tea. Do you want something else?

No, tea's good.

Hmm.

So, how's your mom?

Good. You know, my dad retired last year,

and he's driving her crazy.

Where did you go for dinner?

A place in SoHo.

Oh, yeah? Which one?

Are you interrogating me?

No, I prefer to think of this as an interview.

Interrogation implies torture.

You didn't just invite me to lunch because you miss me.

And you didn't go to dinner with your mom last night.

No. I was on a date.

Awesome. What's her name?

Casey, look. We never said we were exclusive.

Oh, that's fine. I just spent all day crouched over a bloated, naked corpse.

I want to see how the other half lives.

You know you canceled on me three times last week?

I've been working a lot.

So was I. We make time for what matters.

Wait a minute. What, are you actually blaming this on me?

Is that what you're trying to do?

You're trying to say it's my fault that you went out

and went on a date with some blonde slut?

How did you know she was...

Cop.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Her name is Lisa. She's a lawyer.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, she's nice to me. She doesn't bite my head off

every time I suggest we go to a nice restaurant.

I don't bite your head off.

No, but I can tell the minute we get there that you can't wait to leave.

That's because they're all, you know, pretentious people.

Like me.

I like you, Casey. I really do.

But you've made it very clear that I embarrass you.

That is not true.

I'm a smart guy. I work hard. I'm well-paid.

I give a lot of money to charity.

So if I want to live in a nice apartment

and eat at a fancy restaurant, that's my choice.

I had no idea you were so unhappy with me.

Will you stop it?

I've been crazy about you since you were 18.

Now, how do you think it makes me feel

to know that you like me best when I'm not being myself?

You know what? I'm not hungry.

What are we doing in the interview room?

I thought we were gonna prank Walsh.

Have a seat.

Okay.

Let me ask you. Do you know why Walsh is great at playing practical jokes?

He's a great cop.

I'm a great cop.

You're an efficient cop.

You know what's keeping you from being great? You're a terrible liar.

(LAUGHING) Thank you.

No, Eddie. You don't get it.

All great cops are great liars. They have to be.

Half the job is getting people to tell them things that they don't want to tell you.

How do we convince them to do that?

We lie. We trick. We prank.

That's coercion.

Okay. Eddie...

You know the trick to lying?

Selling the lie. It's the same with a prank.

There comes a moment in every great prank when you got to sell it.

A moment's hesitation, an eye flicker,

and they know. If you're gonna prank Walsh,

you, my friend, are gonna have to sell it. Think you can do that?

Oh, yeah.

Watch and learn.

Mmm-hmm.

MAN: Detective.

Amanda Maint's boyfriend, yeah?

Yeah, Woody. Listen, can I talk to you?

You should know I'm not in a very friendly mood right now vis-a-vis men.

Okay.

Mostly because they're liars,

and they make you feel bad about yourself

when all you're trying to do is be the best person that you can be.

Is this a bad time? 'Cause I could come back.

No, have a seat.

(SIGHING)

So, what's going on?

Well, last week, I was by the house to see Amanda,

and her dad was outside being hassled by this guy.

- Hmm. - Looked kind of serious.

Describe him.

He was maybe 6'2", mean.

I mean he looked mean. And they were arguing. But I couldn't hear.

6'2", looks mean.

That's not really a lot to go on.

Well, he had this weird license plate on his car, "No you."

"No you."

Except with an "I" instead of a "Y."

N-O-I-O-U?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

He must be pretty mad they spelled "you" wrong.

Do you know what an IOU is?

No.

"I owe you."

Not getting it.

- All right, never mind. - I'll check this out. Okay.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

"NO IOU." I'm guessing you're in the loan business.

I've been known to help a man in need.

Like Byron Maint?

- Byron Maint. - Mmm-hmm.

Oh, it's this guy.

You had an argument with him in front of his house last week?

- Right. - Yeah?

This is him this morning.

Hey, whoa, no. I don't know nothing about that.

He owes you money? Miss a payment or two?

No, no. We had words 'cause I wouldn't lend him money.

Why not?

We're in a credit crunch.

In the old days, I'd throw cash to anyone who asked.

But now, I mean, you just can't trust people these days.

Look, truth is I'm going back to school to get a nursing degree.

There's no money in money anymore.

So, where were you at 8:00 a.m. this morning?

In class with 30 other students.

(SIGHING)

Any idea why Byron would need to borrow money from you in the first place?

I don't know. But he was desperate.

And whatever fat man was into, he needed money fast.

WOMAN ON TAPE: I know it's too late, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I believed you when you said that woman was your cousin.

MAN 1: Sarah, I know it's too late, but I wanted to say I'm sorry.

WOMAN: I'm sorry I ever loved you.

MAN 2: So many years, so many mistakes.

How many lies do you have to tell before everything you are is just one big lie?

This boy is officially done laying low. I'm back, baby.

- No. - Oh, yes.

And it's gonna be epic. We are gonna own this town, brother.

I don't do that anymore, Frank.

God has shown me a better path.

Yeah, but you didn't call God, did you, Navan?

You called me.

This isn't a game, Frank.

You killed Kowalski, and you put my partner in the hospital.

You're acting like I'm the problem here, Navan.

Every time I help you out,

do you say, "Thank you, Frank"?

MAN 3: Can anybody save me, or do I have to save myself?

Hey. I pulled The Apology Line phone records for that missing week.

The callers are coming in this afternoon.

These tapes are incredible.

People call this number and apologize for all of the terrible things

that they have done in their lives.

It doesn't work that way, Henry.

You don't just get to say you're sorry and move on.

That's why we have prisons.

What's up?

So, traffic control found Byron's car.

Had the uniforms search it, they found this.

Baby laxatives, huh?

Do the Maints have a baby?

No.

Byron have a baby with another woman?

Maybe that's why he needed the money so badly.

Maybe. Why don't you circle back to the family and see what they say?

- Okay. - All right.

SHRAEGER: Amanda, I truly am sorry for your loss.

I don't want you to think that my partner and I

were being insensitive or judging your father for the way he chose...

No, I have a weird family.

Why do you think I fought so hard to get out, go to school?

Oh, I get it. Trust me.

Your parents were nudists?

No. No, no, no, no. They were not. But...

Well, I know what it's like to be an outsider in the family, you know?

Yeah.

Listen, we found baby laxatives in the back of your dad's car.

So?

Did he have another child, maybe? Or, you know, a baby?

I don't think so.

You don't think so?

He's been acting really weird lately.

Mmm-hmm.

And then last week, I picked up the phone and he was on there

talking to some woman.

What did he say?

He just kept saying, "What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?"

We're not supposed to be here, so we have to make this fast.

- Strip. - Again? What is it with you?

Nothing metal goes inside the machine.

That includes watches, buttons, zippers.

You know, this would be a lot less awkward if you stripped, too.

When you're done, lie down on the MRI,

I'm just gonna be next door.

Wait, hey.

What?

(CLEARING THROAT)

I don't know. I'm nervous.

For a guy with so many tattoos,

you really are a big baby.

You know, it's a good thing all your patients are dead.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means I have a brain tumor,

and I just told you I was scared, and you have no people skills.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

You're a big boy. Very brave.

I'm taking my pants off now.

I don't take my socks off.

(GROANING)

BEAUMONT: So, we have this case, The Apology Line.

And it got me thinking about things that I've done in my life

that I never apologized for.

Yeah, like making me go to the opera?

Hey, you said you liked that.

No.

- Mmm. - I was just trying to have sex with you.

Well, I was gonna have sex with you no matter what.

What?

(LAUGHS) No, I mean like my mom.

I ran away from home once, and I was gone for six days.

Mmm-hmm.

And she must have been terrified.

And I never said I was sorry.

I don't know.

Don't you have things you feel guilty about?

I kicked a girl out of my car once.

It was after a party, and a girl I had been dating for a year,

caught her in the coatroom, making out with some other guy.

So, she was giving me a hard time on the way home,

so I pulled over and said, "Get out."

She cheated on you. I would have thrown her out.

No, but it was wrong. It was 2:00 in the morning.

It was the middle of nowhere.

I should have took her home, then broke up with her.

But it felt good.

Here's to things that make you feel good.

All right. Wow.

Mmm.

I'm... I'm a mess.

(CLEARING THROAT)

And I think I'm a little drunk.

Well, that's good. 'Cause I'm a little turned on.

- You are? - I am.

So, what happens if I get really drunk?

I may lose my mind.

Let's go.

(RATTLING) Hey, is it supposed to sound like a bag of rocks

being thrown down a flight of stairs?

(RATTLING STOPS)

That's better.

Are you done?

We have to go. Now.

What did you find?

There's a security guard coming. I can't get caught with you.

Oh, don't worry about it. I'll just badge him.

I could have my license revoked,

not to mention I'll get fired.

It's all right. Relax.

- Duck. - What?

(GUARD WHISTLING)

Can I just have... What are you... Come on.

Go.

- Can I just get my pants on, please? - Come on.

What are you doing? Let me just put my pants on!

- This is pretty ridiculous. Okay? - No, no, no! In here!

(WHISTLING CONTINUES)

I should probably...

(GRUNTING)

COLE: "Stephanie Taft."

She called The Apology Line?

BEAUMONT: And who are you?

Stephanie Taft, the girlfriend.

(GRUNTING)

Hey, baby.

(MOANING)

(WHISPERS) Hey, lover.

Geez!

(LAUGHS)

What? Don't get all bashful on me now, tiger.

Oh, God.

(GASPING)

Where's Beaumont?

You really don't remember?

Well, she must have left around 1:00,

and that's when you called me.

I have to say, I was pretty surprised, but tickled.

Wait. We didn't...

Oh, oh, yes, we did. And you were very gentle.

(STAMMERING) Oh-ho-ho, this is about the desk.

It's about the desk.

Okay, so, you're getting me back. It's a prank, right?

Beaumont, she let you in when I was passed out or something.

It's okay, Jason. You don't have to pretend.

I know that the reason you've been riding me all these months

is because deep down,

you've wanted a piece of this.

I'm gonna go into the diner,

make myself a nice cup of coffee.

And I suggest, if you know what's good for you, Eddie,

you'll be gone when I get back.

Okay. I'm gonna grab a shower first if you want to scrub my back.

Jason. Guess not.

That was friendly. I mean, I liked it.

Surprising. Sore. Oddly aggressive. Rough, even.

I mean, not that I minded. Hey, don't you want to say something?

I'm talking a lot.

I have to go.

- Shouldn't we... - No.

Hey!

What about my MRI? I mean... You find anything?

I'll call you.

STEPHANIE: Can I get you something?

No. Thank you.

We pulled the phone records for the missed calls

and all the people who called The Apology Line last week.

My partner's talking to them right now. Your number came up.

Must have been a mistake.

No.

It says here you called The Apology Line from your cell phone

last Tuesday just after midnight.

Please don't tell Jeremy.

He doesn't listen to the tapes?

He's a few weeks behind. We get so many calls.

What did you apologize for?

I love Jeremy, but he gets so obsessed with these tapes.

Sometimes I think he loves strangers more than he loves me.

Why not talk to him directly?

Jeremy has nothing but forgiveness

for the people who call that stupid answering machine.

But he's not so good with real people.

I thought if I called the line, he might really listen to me for once.

But then I got scared, and took the tape.

You know, some people believe you have to apologize to God

for the mistakes you've made.

God's not the one we hurt. It's each other.

Hey!

Mmm. Not so loud.

What? You tie one on last night?

Hmm.

So, listen. I got ahold of Byron Maint's credit report.

Mmm-hmm.

The guy was in serious debt. Turns out the naked guy had a spending addiction.

Is that a thing?

Apparently. He was in Debtors Anonymous for six months.

His drugstores were all bankrupt,

and the bank was about to foreclose on his house.

Hey, Jason. Hot water's a little wonky. You might want to get the heater checked.

Detective.

Ooh, hot coffee. See you later, hot stuff.

Don't say a word.

Did he just call you "hot stuff"?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Walsh.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah, thanks.

Wow! Now we know what the baby laxatives were for.

I'm sorry. I just cannot get past the "hot stuff."

All right, shut up. Listen. Byron Maint tested positive for cocaine.

Which is cut with baby laxatives.

How much coke was in his system?

Oh, it wasn't in his system. It was all over his body.

The guy was covered in coke.

So, now we know how he was planning to get out of debt.

Byron Maint was a drug dealer.

Yeah.

(SIGHS)

So, how often was your boss, Byron Maint, in the store?

He came by every week. We talked mopeds.

We were both moped enthusiasts.

- Hmm. - Nice for you.

The clerks at the other store said that he spent most of his time here.

Do you know if Byron ordered any merchandise in bulk?

Byron? No, he was a front-office guy.

We found a box of baby laxatives in the back of his car.

Baby laxatives?

You sound surprised.

No, it's just I fired a guy a few months back.

I caught him stealing a case of baby laxatives.

He was double-ordering, sneaking the stuff out at night.

(SIGHING) Do you have a name for that guy?

Ralph Chapelle. 1013 Rivington, number six.

Six, okay.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Hey! How did it go this morning?

Oh, you should have seen the look on Walsh's face. It was priceless.

(LAUGHING) All right. Hey, I hope you thanked Beaumont for letting you in.

Oh, done and done.

Hey, I sold it. I really did.

I sold it. There was even a moment where Walsh thought we actually had sex.

(LAUGHING) Oh! That's awesome.

Yeah. It was crazy.

Nice, buddy. I'm proud of you.

Yeah, well, thanks, man. I couldn't have done it without you.

Hey, you know, I talked to Walsh earlier.

- Yeah? - And he said, straight out, you won.

- Yeah? - Yep.

Said he's throwing in the towel.

Wouldn't be surprised if he made you some kind of peace offering. But listen.

Walsh is a proud guy. So, if he comes to you, offers you a truce,

try to be gracious. Don't rub it in his face.

You got to be a good winner.

Hmm. Okay.

- All right. - All right.

(MIMICS GUNSHOT) You got me.

(HUMMING)

Hey!

Hey! Hey, where the hell you been?

I had sex with a girl.

What? Who?

The ME last night, this morning.

What, the chick with the man hands?

No! God, no. The little one. Dr. Crumb... Monica.

Nice. Whoa. Nice.

Tell me you made her wash her hands first.

Yeah, 'cause I was gonna take her tongue out of my mouth to tell her to scrub up.

Ew! It's your body. Whatever.

Where did you do it, the morgue?

Supply closet.

Yeah.

You and I have never been in a relationship at the same time.

It's gonna be weird.

Yeah, I don't know that I'd call it a relationship.

What would you call it?

I'll get back to you on that.

All right.

So, Davis is dating another woman.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

He says I only like him best when he's not being himself.

You think I'm a snob?

Well, I think it's hard to date civilians.

They have jobs. We are the job. They don't get that.

Yeah. I like him. I do. I just...

The life he wants to lead, dinner parties and real estate,

ugh, it's so empty to me.

There's nothing wrong with having money, Case.

You know, people just want to live a comfortable life and be happy.

Are you happy?

Yeah, I am. Because I know myself.

I think your problem is, is that you're still two people.

You're the cop and the rich girl.

And until you can accept where you come from

and who you really are, I think it's gonna be pretty hard to be happy.

At least I didn't sleep with Alvarez.

Hey, come on.

Ralph Chapelle. Number six.

Ralph? Hi.

Is this six?

Across the hall. This is nine.

Oh!

Should we...

Yeah, that's a lot of paperwork.

Have a good night.

Mr. Chapelle, it's the police. Open up.

(GUN FIRING)

Shots fired! 1013 Rivington! Number six!

Go, go, go, go!

(GUNSHOT)

(RALPH GRUNTING)

Do you know who this is?

Yeah, it's the bad guy.

It's Ralph Chapelle, the boyfriend of the naked guy's daughter?

Please don't tell Amanda.

(GRUNTING)

You know, looking around, I can kind of guess how Byron Maint got coated in cocaine.

Promise me you're gonna let me talk to Amanda before you tell her, all right?

You mean, before we tell her you murdered her father and tried to kill two cops?

God, that sounds really bad when you say it out loud.

I'm gonna make a deal with you.

You tell us the whole story, and we'll talk to Amanda for you.

Maybe you could get a goodbye squeeze in a conjugal trailer.

That's an idea.

Okay, listen. Week after I get booted for stealing, right?

Mr. Maint from the drugstore comes to me, wants to make me a deal.

He said that he'd front me some cash for coke

and that he could get me whatever I need to cut it,

then we'd split the profits.

Why would he do that?

I don't know. Something about losing his house, debts.

He seemed pretty desperate.

Honestly, I don't really listen to people when they talk.

Yeah. This person that you killed,

he was naked. Why?

Dude, he was always naked.

The minute he came into my house, he had to take off his clothes,

like his religion or something.

I did not want to look at that, you know?

How did you meet Amanda?

I was out one day, and I see Byron.

He's got this girl with him.

Oh, she's just so beautiful. The top of my head just blows right off.

So I figure out where she lives and I follow her.

And then figure out where she hangs out,

and get all dressed up and I meet her.

We started dating.

Then two days ago, she invites me to meet her folks.

And this morning, her dad shows up and he's pissed.

He says no way is his daughter gonna date a drug dealer.

Like, are you...

That's just crap, man, because I'm more than just a drug dealer!

You know, I read.

Hmm.

I'm a Libra.

Look, see? See that? Sometimes I make stuff out of wood.

Okay, Ralph, look, here. You pulled a gun.

Dude, the guy took off. He's naked. He's running down the street.

What do you want me to do?

You know, all I'm thinking the whole time is,

"I can't let him tell Amanda. I can't lose Amanda."

So, you do realize that not in a million years is she ever gonna kiss you again?

Yeah.

No, you just have him call me back, please? Okay, thank you.

Hey, Eddie.

Sergeant Brown asked me to go to this VIP funeral tonight,

some advisor to the mayor.

I'm not good at those things.

I mean, is there any way that you can go in my place

and represent the squad?

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, I would be honored.

Oh, great. Thanks, man. I really appreciate that.

I'll send you the address.

No, thank you. I owe you one.

Not all of us get to start over, son.

Some of us get dirt in our stockings.

We live out in the cold.

(GRUNTING)

What?

I'm sorry, Frank.

I'm sorry

that I got a second chance and you didn't.

I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to save you.

Hi, I'm here for the Maint funeral, Byron Maint.

Yes, sir.

As per the family's wishes, no clothes are allowed in the reception area.

No clothes?

No, sir.

BANKS: So he bought it?

Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me?

A VIP funeral. He nearly peed himself.

(LAUGHS)

Thanks for your help, man.

Yeah. A good prank is a beautiful thing.

Yeah, it is.

Hey, was that your idea, Alvarez getting in bed with me?

Nope. It was all Eddie.

Hmm.

It was good. I'll give him that.

Wonder what Eddie's doing right now.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(WINDOW PLAYING)

* That's right

* I'm gonna stay awake for you

* My home

* My only way to be alone

Hi.

Hey.

So...

I thought about what you said, and I think you're right.

I think you should be with Lisa.

I broke it off with Lisa.

You did? Why?

All she wanted to do was go to fancy restaurants and talk about real estate.

Oh.

We're not normal, you and me.

You're a rich girl who's trying to live a blue-collar life,

and I'm the guy whose father was a mailman, who works on Wall Street.

I kind of like that about you.

Girls like Lisa, you know, I never know whether they like me or my money.

Yeah. I know how that feels.

But you got to lower your guard. You got to let me be me.

That's what Walsh says.

That I got to stop being two people, the cop and the rich girl.

Yeah, he's a smart man.

Yeah, he is.

So, what do we do now?

I could use some ice cream.

Oh, I love ice cream.

And maybe afterwards, we can drive around in your car with the siren on.

* That's right

* I'm gonna stay awake for you *