Original subtitles

_

D'oh!

Huh?

Whoo-hoo!

- Shotgun! - Shotgun!

- I said it first. - I said it first.

What are you, coping me now?

What are you, coping me now? Nyah.

I can't listen to this stupid fight anymore.

Lisa, you sit in the front.

Happy start of the school week, everyone.

Happy start of the school week, everyone.

You're still mad

- about yesterday? - You're still mad about yesterday?

- Seriously. - Seriously.

- How long is this gonna go on? - How long is this gonna go on?

Don't you think this is a little

- beneath the "Prank King"? - Don't you think this is

a little beneath the "Prank King"?

He's not doing this to everyone, is he?

Oh, thank God.

- I know how to deal with this. - I know how to deal with this.

- I love Lisa so much. - I love Lisa so much.

- I wish I was Lisa. - I wish I was Lisa.

- Hmm, I thought that would work. - Hmm, I thought that would work.

Bart commits to the bit. Always has.

The novel has two equally

- important protagonists... - The novel has two equally

important protagonists.

- ...Mouse and Motorcycle. - Mouse and Motorcycle.

Grilled vegetables,

and you ordered the same thing just after she did.

- E-B-Z. - E-B-Z.

- T-O-O-V. - T-O-O-V.

What's up, food fighters? I'm Thad Parkour.

Today on Dude vs. Food,

I'm going to war with ten buckets of fried chicken skin

served on top of a smash burger

the size of a laser disk.

Give them hell, Thad.

- Dad! - Yes...?

Bart's using the bathroom and he doesn't wash his hands,

so I've got 20 seconds tops.

Make him stop copying me.

Please, it's been a month!

That is a huge percentage of my short life.

Not now, honey.

Daddy's watching his latest favorite show of all time.

We can talk about jazz later.

Dad, please, he won't stop!

Dad, please, he won't stop!

- Ah! - Ah!

_

Okay, I just have to accept

that this is my new reality.

That this is my new reality.

And if that's the case,

then I'm gonna make something good come out of it.

_

_

_

_

_

What do we want?

- What do we want? - Ban touch tanks!

When do we want it?

- Now! - When do we want it?

That is terrific progress.

That is terrific progress!

"I'm Bart Simpson, and this is how I feel."

I'm Bart Simpson, and this is how I feel.

"I have spent

- "the last six months... - I have spent the last six months

- "repeating every word said - repeating every word said

- "by my sister, Lisa Simpson. - by my sister, Lisa Simpson.

- "We entered as adversaries... - We entered as adversaries...

"and through some strange magic...

...and through some strange magic...

- "we have emerged as friends. - we have emerged as friends.

"I set out to break

- "my sister's spirit... - I set out to break my sister's spirit...

"but wound up giving her

- "a priceless gift. - ...but wound up giving her

a priceless gift.

- "The knowledge that her brother - The knowledge that her brother

- "will always be by her side. - will always be by her side.

- "And so she will always feel - And so she will always feel

- "loved and protected. - loved and protected.

"I am the best big brother

a girl could ever ask for."

Aren't you gonna repeat that last part?

I don't think I can.

Does that mean it's over?

Because I'm, I'm-I'm not sure I want it to be.

- Bart. - I love you, too.

Hugging?

Did you teach them that?

I guess I must have.

That was so beautiful.

I'm gonna go call my sisters

and tell them how much they mean to me.

And there's a very special man I need to say some things, too,

while I still can.

I love you, Thad!

Today it's me versus the spiciest ramen

in a city known for its fiery Asian flavors,

Des Moines, Iowa.

I find this performative gluttony offensive.

Yeah, there are hungry supermodels in this world

who would kill for a bowl of painfully spicy ramen.

That's what I want

my relationship with soup to be like.

What up, Food Duders?

That's his name for me and people like me!

The Dude vs. Food pig-rig is coming to Springfield!

Oink-oink!

Coming here?

I'll be unhinging my jaw donkey-style

at Luigi's Italian restaurant.

I've been there once.

Where I'm going up against a 17-pound meatball.

Mano a ball.

I'll see you there October 10!

I finally have a reason to live till October 10.

We asked: "Could-a we make it?"

We never asked "Should-a we make it?"

Yeah.

Are you Thad bods

ready to meet the man who eats food for breakfast?

Put your greasy hands together for...

Thad Parkour!

He looks like Luann's uncle when the neighbors found him.

Let's chew this thing.

Oink-oink.

Yeah, that's a wrap on Thad.

After 400 episodes, shot over the course of two months,

he's finally full.

Series over. Strike the meatball.

Come on, Thad, eat too much of something

so we know you're okay.

Sorry, man. Looks like this time, food...

beat dude.

No...!

If no one's eating that, I'll take it.

...o!

My car's out front.

Just squish it into the trunk. Awesome.

_

I don't get it, Thad.

Just last episode, you were a healthy young man

drinking 20 gallons of ranch dressing to win a T-shirt.

I'm sorry, brother.

I really hate letting my fans down,

but I died three times in the ambulance.

I don't think that's good for you.

Doc, you got to fix him.

Where's he's indomitable spirit?

His can-chew attitude?

"Can-chew attitude: critically low."

Damn! He's as good as dead.

Wait.

There's one more thing we can try.

Thad, if you've ever put your faith

in a relationship with an obsessive superfan,

let it be in the imaginary friendship

I think I have with you.

You definitely scare me a little,

but... okay.

What is this place?

Just breathe.

Incredible.

Wh-what's happening?

This is my secret smelling place.

From here you can smell

every meal being cooked in Springfield,

from windowsill pies

to dishwasher-poached salmon.

But how is this possible?

Who knows? But if I had to guess...

Warm moist air coming off the ocean meets

cold breezes descending from the mountains.

Springfield's unique topography,

a remnant of glaciation during the last ice age,

produces varying degrees of albedo,

a unique system of high- and low-pressure zones,

which shunt odor-rich air from kitchens around the town

into this natural amphitheater.

But again, that's just a guess.

Oh!

Every individual smell is distinct

and takes me back to a specific time and place.

Oh, pepperoni pizza.

Braised bok choy.

Ribeye steak.

Oh! This is a miracle.

Food is a miracle!

I think I love food again.

I knew this place would fix you.

Wait, I'm getting a scent

I've never encountered.

Homer.

Oh, man, we got to find the source.

And I'll play phone games.

I could swear I've seen this house before.

But blindfolded, from the trunk of a car...

- Gentlemen. - _

Hi!

What a pleasant surprise...

that you made it past my bodyguards!

Sorry, boss. I thought I had a pebble in my shoe.

Turns out there's this embroidery on my sock.

Let's go, Thad. The man with the goons is busy.

- Bye! - What are you cooking in there?

I have to know.

Wow, this stew smells amazing.

This recipe is all I have left of a great man.

Sit and I'll tell you the whole sad story.

Not because it's any of your business,

but because this pot needs to simmer

for the length of one whole sad story.

_

When I was a child, there existed an uneasy peace

between Springfield's two most powerful families.

The Italian, uh, "Thing of Ours,"

and the Prussian mob.

To maintain the peace,

each boss would send his youngest son

to live with the other family, as collateral.

It was a ceremony steeped in tradition.

♪ Flip-flop, clippety-clop ♪

♪ I declare a son swap. ♪

My surrogate father's name was

Wilhelm Von Wonthelm.

It was rumored that he had never in his life smiled.

And I believed it.

Wilhelm conducted the mob's business

from the kitchen of his restaurant.

He had a deep love for the grim,

humorless flavors of German cuisine,

a passion that was not shared

by his eldest son and heir,

Maximillian.

Where are you going?

We need that blood sausage for the dessert.

No can do, Pops.

My band has a gig tonight.

Max had fallen prey to the scourge

that was destroying America's youth:

the ska revival.

You are needed here, my son.

Not out all night tromboning

to a calypso-flavored fusion of jazz and punk rock.

You chop like a Belgian.

But with ceaseless repetition and unyielding criticism,

you will learn.

_

You schnitzel well. You are a sh-natural.

And then it happened.

The old man smiled at me.

Maximillian, put down that brassentooter.

Tonight, I need you here with me.

Why don't you ask your new son to help you?

This was the night

Wilhelm was to pass his greatest secret on to his son.

The recipe for gewalteintopf: "Stew of Violence."

A centuries-old dish served only

at the initiation of new members

into the Prussian mob.

For his son to reject this sacred honor

was a stab to Wilhelm's heart.

Ska is no future!

How much was your band paid to perform

at the grand opening of the Continental Tire store?

- $50. - But there are 17 of you.

And several who do nothing but dance around.

This recipe is at the center of everything we believe.

Please, let me pass it on to you.

This man had survived car bombings, bullets

and the shame of adult braces.

But not this.

This recipe belongs with someone

who respects tradition.

Protect it with your life.

And never share it with my son.

Promise me...

I never realized how gross it is under the oven.

Maximillian took his father's place

as head of the Prussian mob.

He rules with an iron fist while still dropping

poorly-received ska albums on SoundCloud.

But I kept my promise to his father

and never gave Maximillian the recipe.

Now, if you will turn your backs,

I must consult the recipe

for the final secret ingredients.

You may turn back around.

Oh, it's so good I never want to swallow.

Oh! Me neither.

Let's stay like this forever.

Okay.

- I love you. - I love you, too.

_

Everyone, shut up!

Thad has a new show and the trailer's about to drop.

I said, "Shut up!"

Shut up!

Shh.

I'm Thad Parkour, and I'm a thief.

Snitches get dishes on my new Chew Network show

Kitchen Betrayals.

Watch me steal secret recipes

from unsuspecting chumps

and reveal them to the world.

On the series premiere, I'll show you the murder stew

that certified killers don't want you to know about.

- Stew! - What's wrong?

Everything's fine.

Take the baby and go to Flander's panic room.

Damn it, Thad!

If Fat Tomy sees this, his gonna come to my house

and he's gonna...

Homie, Homie, open up.

- I've got groceries. - Phew!

Look who dropped by. A very worked-up Fat Tony.

Hello, Homer.

I was just meeting your charming widow.

I'm not that charming.

Thanks to that idiot putting the recipe on TV,

the Prussians are on their way to kill me.

But I had a thought:

you first.

Please, Fat Tony, we've been through so much.

You can't kill me over a stolen recipe.

"Hey, Fat Tony. Homer here.

"You just threw me off a bridge. LOL.

If you pull me up, I can save both our lives."

Explain first.

Then I pull you up.

"Pull me up first. Scary turtle down here.

"Also, running low on oxygen.

Crying-laughing emoji."

If that TV show airs, the Prussians are gonna find out

that you had the recipe all along

and they're going to kill you.

But I can sneak us onto the Chew Network lot,

and together we can stop that show.

- How? - I'm a deranged fan.

All I do is think of ways to sneak onto the lot.

Okay. Let's hurry before the Prussians catch on.

Two Thad Parkour look-alikes here

for the Clam Chowder Chug-a-thon.

Eh. Sounds like something we'd do.

Fat Tony, please, you don't want to do this, man.

How did you steal my recipe?

I took every precaution.

I made you turn around.

Wait a minute.

Your supercool backwards sunglasses recorded everything!

You broke my heart, Thad's sunglasses.

It's the Prussians! Run!

It would seem Maximillian is

trying to process some big feelings.

His last memory of his father is a bitter one.

His last memory?

I know what to do. Give me the wheel!

- You, go under. - No, you go under.

- Your foot's in my gabagool. - That's not my foot.

That's not my gabagool.

Are you sure? It feels like one.

What the hell just happened?

Where the fuggedaboutit are we?

Just trust me.

Wasn't enough just taking my father's love from me,

you had to steal his recipe, too?

Uh, before you shoot,

just take a deep breath through your nose.

There is nothing I could smell that could save your...

Because of what Fat Tony did,

people all over this town

are honoring your father's memory

by making his most beloved dish.

Gewalteintopf...

Eat. There is no cold in the world

that can stand up to Papa's special stew.

Oh, yum. What's in it?

That is a precious secret that one day I will share with you.

For now, just eat.

And know that your father loves you very much.

Now, let's see what adventures

brave Colonel Klink is having

with that buffoon Hogan and his unruly friends.

Father did love me.

And now that the world has his recipe,

your father will never truly be gone.

Friedrich, put down the sax.

Thank you, Maximillian.

Oh, and how's my youngest son doing?

Really good. He's super into mask-making.

- How's mine? - We're zeroing in on his allergies.

His eyes stopped watering,

and we're slowly adding things back in.

Kitchen Betrayals is a hit!

Now I can make other shows where I travel the globe

exploring local food scenes and fascinating cultures.

And, Homer, my friend, I want you,

the man who saved me, to join me on this journey.

I've heard the rest of the world has slightly different toilets,

and I'm scared of that.

Everything I need is right here.

But, Homer, I mean, this is growth for me.

Can't you respect my decision?

No.

_

_

Professor Lisa, we've established contact

with the alien ship.

As our lead astrophysicist,

you have the honor of conveying humanity's first words

to extraterrestrial life.

Visitors from another world...

Visitors from another world!

- Not now. - Not now.

- Can you just... - Can you just

- This is really important. - This is really important.

- God, you're annoying! - God, you're annoying!

- Get the hell out of here. - Get the hell out of here.

- I hate you! - I hate you!

- Everyone hates you! - Everyone hates you!

- I'll kill you! - I'll kill you!

Apparently, this species

has a war-like nature.

Commence obliteration.

- Your fault. - Your fault.

Shh!

- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com