Original subtitles

♪ Just'a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Never meaning no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you never saw ♪

♪ Been in trouble with the law ♪

♪ Since the day they was born ♪

♪ Straightenin' the curves ♪

♪ Flattening the hills ♪

♪ Someday the mountain might get 'em ♪

♪ But the law never will ♪

♪ Makin' their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ Well that's just a little bit more ♪

♪ Than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just'a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change if they could ♪

♪ Fighting the system like a two modern day Robin Hood ♪

You know, neighbors sometimes

there's nothin' more refreshin'

than watchin' children at play.

Cousin, I don't know what you did this time

but if the general runs like this

at that Smoky Holler Race on Sunday

we're just gonna have a whole pot full of first-prize money.

Heh, heh, heh. Good.

We just flew past Rosco back there in them trees.

That guy just never learns.

Enos, this is Rosco P. Coltrane.

'I got them Duke boys this time. I really got 'em.'

We're gonna come down on those turkeys

like a load of dead chickens.

Heh, hee, hee! I love it. I love it.

Now, Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane

would rather catch himself a Duke

than to go to heaven when he dies.

Some folks tend to lose their perspective like that.

Let's letthe generalout, see what he can really do.

Alright. Ha ha ha!

Bye, Rosco. Woo-hoo!

Enos, I'm a-comin'! I'm a-comin'!

Now! Now!

'I'm ready, Sheriff! I'm ready, Sheriff!'

- There's Enos. - Halt. Halt.

'Watch out for that sports car.'

Oh-whoa.

Stranger passin' through

could find hisself in a Hazzard entanglement.

Well, mercy me.

Looks like that city slicker wants a race.

Ha-ha, well, we can't disappoint him, now, can we?

'But, hey, I'll take it easy on him.'

'Alright.'

Um.

Well, I, heh, heh..

Just hope we don't run into him at that race on Sunday.

You can't hardly run into somethin' you can't catch up to.

I hope you like sassafras tea.

It's not your British kind

'but, well, it's about as close'

'as we can get to class around here.'

What do you suppose that thing is doin' here?

I dunno.

'Uncle Jesse, hey, who owns that'

'green sports car out in the yard?'

Hey, boys! Boys, come on in.

I got somebody special I want you to meet.

Well, I'm afraid we already had the pleasure to meet Mr. Gordon.

Your first name's Flash, now, ain't it?

Yes, of course.

I'm sorry I left you both so abruptly back there.

So are we.

You just gotta take care not to do that

in front of too many people

'cause we got kind of a reputation

to uphold around here.

I don't know what you boys is jabberin' about.

This-this ain't Mr. Gordon.

No, sir.

This is your third cousin from London, England.

This-this is Gaylord Duke.

- Well, pleased to meet you. - Great pleasure.

- Set yourself down there. - Thank you.

He's related to us on Grandpa Henshaw's side

meanin' he ain't blood kin.

'That's right, Daisy.'

And he's a real Duke.

Well, heck, ain't we all Dukes?

Bo, I mean like a Duke Duke.

No, I think what Daisy means

is that I've just recently come into my title.

- Well, congratulations. - 'Oh, thank you.'

Now, what's a Duke Duke doin' in Hazzard County?

Well, as you probably know

my grandfather passed away recently

and he left me this in his will.

As you'll see, it's the original land grant

for some property here in Hazzard County.

What do you think, Luke?

Well, the legal description

fits the old Henshaw place, alright.

I was afraid of that, well, that means that Cousin Gaylord, here

has inherited himself a mess of trouble.

If he's got any problems, I sure ain't seen 'em yet.

What I'm talking about is that old Henshaw place

has been owing back taxes for, well, for years now.

It could've built up to $30,000.

Good grief.

I mean what's that gonna mean in terms of pounds?

Well, what it means is if you got that kind of money

I'd be more than happy to weigh it for you.

I'm afraid I don't.

And we Dukes never carry cash.

Uh, ain't that the truth.

But I'm sure I could raise it, given time.

Well, that's gonna be your second problem

'cause this is the time of year the banks foreclose

on land owing back taxes.

I saw that notice in the post office window.

So exactly how long do I have?

Noon, Monday.

Don't you worry. We'll get the money.

You'll see. Well?

Think of something.

'But, Boss, how was I supposed to know'

that that Duke that was drag racing with those other Dukes

was just another Duke?

No, no. No, no. Not just another Duke.

No, he's Duke Gaylord Duke.

- An Englishman. - Foreigner?

- Yeah, from England. - That's a foreigner.

Well, says so right there in that letter

to the County Recorder.

It also says he's come to lay claim

'to a certain piece of property that was willed to him.'

You must remember somewhere deep down in that empty head of yours

that I've already worked out a secret little deal

with the Dixie King supermarket people

'for them to buy that certain piece of property from me.'

For a quarter of a million dollars!

Just shush.

Quarter of a million dollars.

Now I hope you understand why I want that

Duke Gaylord Duke arrested along with our own common folk

Hazzard County Duke boys.

I can do it.

I don't care how you do it

'just as long as you put all of 'em away'

'till Monday at high noon'

when them back taxes gotta be paid.

Well, see, I can do it, Boss.

See, there is an ordinance 123.7, that definitely states

that you cannot drag race in the county of Hazzard.

Do you see it right there, huh?

Take that book away before I throw up.

O-oh, sorry about that. I got 'em, I got 'em.

Yeah, well, you ain't got 'em till you get 'em

so go get 'em.

I sure can't do no more today.

How do you turn the damn thing off, anyhow?

It's probably down here.

Boss, don't worry about a thing. Don't worry about a thing.

Rosco, Rosco!

Gaylord, what happens when a girl marries a Duke?

Oh, why, much the same, I suspect

as happens here in Hazzard.

She settles down and has dozens of children.

I don't mean that.

No, I mean, her marrying a Duke and all, what happens?

Well, that would make her a Duchess.

But, uh, why do you ask?

I don't, I was wondering. I-I don't know.

That Cousin Gaylord's kind of a nice boy, ain't he?

Yes, sir.

You know I been thinking on it.

I can't think of nobody around here that's got $30,000

except, well, you know who.

Well, that's 'cause there ain't nobody around here that's got..

Seems to me you told us once

about somebody over in Clairborne.

- I did? Who? - Ira Murchison.

'Ain't he the one you said'

had more money stashed away in tin cans on his place

than J.D. Hogg has in the Bank of Hazzard?

That's right for sure.

Now, why didn't I think of old Ira?

You know he's owed me for 20 years

for pulling him out of that swelled-up river.

And you remember how you told us

he said if you ever need anything at all

just ask him for it?

- He did at that. - Well, let's ask him for it.

Oh, why not? Daisy..

Gaylord, hey..

I think we got a handle on the situation.

Now here's where we start getting into the nitty-gritty

of this here story.

But I figure we're gonna land

in a heap of trouble, don't you?

Cousin Gaylord, y'all stay close behind.

I wouldn't want you to get lost.

You know if we did get lost, I sure wouldn't mind.

You know, I got a feeling that there's more going on here

than meets the eye.

Besides, I kind of tend to get nervous

when somebody's around

that might take advantage of our Daisy.

Uh-oh.

Enos, this is Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane

your superior officer, talking to you.

'You got your ears on?'

This here's Enos back to my superior officer. Over.

'Them Duke boys and that dandy Duke'

'are heading South on 102'

and they've broken every ordinance in the book.

Now you head 'em off at Woodchuck Pass

while I grab 'em by the tail feathers.

'I'm gone.'

10-4, Superior Officer. Over and out and all about.

I just love this kind of talk.

You sure are cool and easy under pressure, Cousin Gaylord.

I just love it.

'There's Enos. Let's lose him.'

Pass the word to Cousin Gaylord.

'Who-o! Ira Murchison, here we come.'

I reckon poor old Ira can't help us much

where he's gone now.

That's for sure.

It seems I'd just heard

that he'd married himself a young filly.

Guess maybe the honeymoon was just too much for him.

I'm sorry, Cousin Gaylord.

Looks like your $30,000 is six-feet under.

Looks like we made this trip for nothin'.

Well, maybe you did, but I didn't.

Guh-uh-uh.

Alright, Luke Duke and Bo Duke and Duke of the..

The Duke, whatever, you're all under arrest..

Ain't that typical?

The Dukes start out to help somebody

and they get their own tails in a crack.

'Hush.'

Now, y'all know that Rosco

ain't never been long on explanations.

"You have the right to remain silent.

"Anything you say may be held against you in a court of law."

"You have the right to attorney etcetera, etcetera." That's it.

Constable, I don't believe I got the drift of all that.

Well, isn't that too bad?

You don't have to get the drift of it.

You'll have plenty of time to get the drift of it

when you spend the next 10 days in the slammer.

10 days just for funnin'?

Alright, Jesse, eight days, but that's my final offer.

- Six. - Four.

- Done. - O-oh.

Constable, I believe that here, as in England

we are entitled to a trial.

Uh, he's got you there, Rosco.

He ain't got me there. I got him there.

You see, the circuit judge, he's gonna be away for two weeks.

That means I'm gonna keep you all in jail

till he does get back.

There it says so right here in this alternate penal code.

- Alternate penal code? - Oh, here, it's right there.

The alternate penal code in Rosco's little book

means any nasty county job that Rosco's been putting off.

See what I mean?

Y'all doing a pretty good job.

Oh, Mr. Gaylord, sir

uh, this sign you painting up

I believe it should read "Stay right," not left.

Not in England, dear boy, not in England.

Not in England.

Not in England.

I don't understand that.

Good work, Rosco.

By this time tomorrow

I'll have taken possession of that old Henshaw property

right out from under that English Duke.

Oh, I love it, I love it.

And everything'll be coming up roses.

Cuhh... roses?

Boss, you gonna plant roses?

I thought you were gonna sell that land

to that supermarket chain.

I am, bonehead.

Roses is a..

Well, i-it's a way of saying

"Getting a quarter million dollars."

Oh, quarter of a mil..

Quarter of a million dollars.

Boss, can I ask you something?

How much of that quarter of a million dollars do I get?

Very little.

As your brother-in-law, Rosco

I have a heartfelt interest in your affairs

and I'd never forgive myself if the government put you

in a higher income tax bracket.

Nobody thinks he's got a heart.

Luke, I hope you all know this wasn't my idea.

That's alright, Enos.

You can tell me one thing, though.

After all these years

of me and Bo racing around this county

how come Rosco picked this particular time

to run us in?

I can't rightly say, Luke.

But I did hear, hear him say that Mr. Hogg

wants you three out of business

till after noon on Monday.

He didn't say why?

Not to me he didn't.

Thanks, Enos.

Enos! Hey, we're all done.

Yeah, we're all done. You got any more you need us to do?

- Y'all doing a good job? - Yes, sir.

Oh, my goodness.

Listen, fellers, them signs are funny

but I don't think the sheriff has got my sense of humor now.

Oh, Enos.

Hi.

Hey, Daisy.

Uh, it's good to see you but my orders say no visitors, alright?

Well, I figured they must be getting awful hungry

working as hard as they are

and I know that you wouldn't mind

if I brought 'em some of my fried chicken.

Well, I guess it'd be alright, Daisy.

It sure beats that cream chip beef stuff

we've been serving over at the jailhouse.

Why, I bet you're hungry, too, ain't you, sugar?

Well, I sure am partial to your fried chicken, Daisy.

Aw. Which part are you most partial to?

My legs? My thighs? Or my...

Neck! Neck. That's my favorite.

That's my favorite part, Daisy, your neck.

I love your neck, Daisy.

I mean, chicken neck. I love fried chicken.

Sugar, you'd be getting a lot more chicken..

Frosting on the gumbush, Daisy

I believe your cousins are stealin' my car.

Hey.

Hey, Enos, you ain't losing prisoners

you gained a bucket of chicken.

Hey! Stop, stop, stop.

Shoot.

L.B., is Jesse gonna meet us at the old Shawnee Injun cave?

- Yep. - Oh, hey, hey, Cousin Gaylord.

I want you to meet L.B. Davenport.

He's a real good friend of ours.

Any accessory to our escape is also a friend of mine.

Pleasure, Mr. Davenport.

Mr. Davenport. Who-hoo, Cousin Duke.

You sure talk nice.

Funny, but nice.

Cousin Gaylord is an Englishman.

Well, we can't all be perfect.

Now Uncle Jesse's salvation from his terrible temper

has always been his open mind

which just saved Bo and Luke from getting canned

for running away from the law.

Now let me get this straight.

Enos just told you boys flat out

that Boss Hogg wanted him to take you out of commission.

Till noon Monday. Sound familiar?

Yes, sir.

Well, that's the same time

that the taxes are due on Gaylord's property.

Well, I can't see what difference it would make

to Boss since he don't own that land.

And our Cousin Gaylord here does.

Well, since when does ownership make any difference to Boss?

This, uh, Boss chap

sounds to me like a thoroughly reprehensible character.

Oh, no, no way. That man's just plain bad.

I got a feeling ol' Boss

has got somebody interested in that land.

How are we gonna find out?

Well, we can go down to the land office

and, uh, see if somebody's filed a title claim, title search.

I'll go with you.

Homer, uh, Hodgekiss works down there

and I've had him buffaloed since he's 6 years old.

Now y'all realize the land office

is right next to the sheriff's office

and that means you're gonna be walking into a hornet's nest.

Well, that just means

that I'm gonna have to take old Rosco out

for a little quick shuckin' and jivin'

so y'all can get in there.

Would someone care to explain to me

shucking and jiving?

Well, sure thing, Cousin Duke.

Them's just reprehensible words.

L.B., you know, you remind me of my Uncle Phillip.

Marvelous sense of humor.

Good old Uncle Phillip.

Yes. Did I forget to give you his regards?

- I'm sorry about that. - Thank you.

Thank you.

You know, I sure can't figure out

why I bought these here dumbbells

when I already had two working for me.

Uh, but, Boss, you see... Never mind!

As county commissioner

I hereby relieve you both of all your duties.

Turn in them badges.

Oh, uh, Boss, now listen.

Why should I turn in my badge?

It was dipstick Enos' fault.

He's the one that let them Duke boys escape

for a bucket of chicken.

He still even smells finger lickin' good.

Oh-h, oh.

Sheriff's right, Mr. Hogg.

I'm the one that oughta lose my badge, not him.

You see? You see that? You see?

Rosco, all I can see is Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

- Tweedle... - Dumb. You're dumb.

Who might just cost me

getting a quarter million dollars Monday.

Boss, gimme one more chance.

Just, just one more chance and I promise you

I'll put them Duke boys behind bars before sun-up.

See, I can do it if I put my mind to it.

Rosco, when you speak of your mind

lower your voice to show respect for the dead.

Rosco, what the devil is that racket out there?

I don't know, but if that sucker

doesn't stop honking that horn out there

I know one thing, I'm gonna go out there

and slap a $20 fine on him.

Make him put it in my hand for disturbing the peace.

Well, sucker, you can just put that $20

in my hand in two tens

because that's your car out there making that racket.

'Get away from there.'

Boss, how could it be my car?

I'm in here, I'm not honking.

Hi, Rosco.

Oh. That's Bo Duke.

Come on, Enos, let's catch him.

Rosco, remember, you guaranteed me

'all three Duke boys.'

A-and y-you'll get 'em

if chicken liver here won't... get out of my way.

It's Chicken Little, ain't it?

I'll chicken, shoo!

Your horn's blowing.

I saw him. I know it's blowing, you dipstick.

Follow me.

Enos, you..

'Now here they come, Luke, just remember'

'you and Uncle Jesse got exactly 10 minutes.'

Read you loud and clear, Bo. That's a 10-4.

Howdy, Homer.

Hey, Homer.

Uncle Jesse, do you know the law's lookin' for Luke here?

Homer, we're lookin' for somethin' important

and we're gonna need your help, alright?

Now, I don't know about that.

Uh, now, Homer, do you remember

when you was a little bitty boy no longer than that

'and you had the colic?'

And the only one you'd let take care of you

or feed you or any of that was old Uncle Jesse.

I know, Uncle Jesse, I'm still grateful.

But circumventin' the law just don't seem right.

"Don't seem right."

Uh, Homer..

How many people you s'pose know about that still

your daddy's keepin' in that silo over there on your place?

Uh, we best go in the back where nobody'll see us.

We best.

'General... we hit that bump goin' this fast

'we gonna be airborne.'

Yee-hoo!

Ha-ha. Let's see 'em try that.

Oh-h-h.

Our Father who art in heaven

'hallowed be Thy name.'

Theydidtry that.

Son of a gun. Who's teachin' 'em that stuff?

There never has been a recorded deed on this property.

Yeah, our Cousin Gaylord's got

the original land grant to the place.

Well, reckon you know then about the back taxes due on it.

County takes over if they ain't paid by Monday noon.

And then it goes up for public auction.

Oh, we know that.

You know, it'd be my job

if Boss was to find out I told you two this.

Why is that, Homer?

Well, there's a supermarket chain, the Dixie King

been real interested in this property for a long time.

So old Boss Hogg told the sheriff

not to post no notice about the public auction.

So Boss'd be the only one to bid on it.

And also meanin' he'll be able

to pick it up for practically nothin'.

Uh-oh. Now, that's trouble lookin' for a place to happen.

Well... thanks a lot, Homer.

Oh, incidentally you know, I never was sure

whether you and your daddy kept the still

over in that silo or not.

When you started talkin' about that still, he..

Yeah.

Bo ought to be here any second now.

Alright.

Yeah, you take the truck, and we'll pick up with you later.

You boys mind yourself, do you hear?

Alright.

Bo, wait! Hold on!

The best-laid plans of mice and men

never figured on a Hazzard head-on.

This 'un's gonna get tricky.

I told you it was gonna get tricky.

What it all boils down to is... if that auction ain't posted

J.D. Hogg's gonna be the only one biddin' on the property.

Man's a rogue, an absolute blaggard.

Oh, Cousin Gaylord, I love the way you English talk English.

The way I see it ol' Boss has already made a deal

to sell that land to the Dixie King supermarkets.

Well, he don't even own it yet.

Yeah, and we must prevent him from doing so, too. But how?

To borrow a word of yours

we're gonna out-blaggard the blaggard.

I don't think I'm following you, Luke.

Well, Luke's line of thinkin'

ain't easy to follow for anybody.

Hey, if this thing works, we're gonna have the pleasure

of havin' Boss Hogg pay the back taxes for you.

Boss Hogg?

Yeah. But we're gonna need Cousin Gaylord's help.

You're gonna make Boss Hogg an offer he can't refuse. You in?

I am your servant, sir.

Alright.

I like your style.

You got gumption.

You get that from your Aunt Katie.

How is Aunt Katie, by the way?

Aunt Katie?

Oh, you mean Aunt Katherine.

Oh, she always preferred Katherine, you know.

Oh, she's fine, sir, fine.

Glad to hear that.

Alright, now, here's the deal.

Now, gettin' Boss Hogg to pay off back taxes

due on the Duke land

is like gettin' blood from a turnip.

Uh, milk from a bull.

Or was it bull from a turnip?

Now, you got it all straight, what I told you to tell Boss.

Luke, I think you sufficiently drummed it into me.

This is one conversation I would just love to hear.

- No reason why not. - Huh?

He's got a CB receiver right on his desk.

If you get a chance, just flip it on. Okay?

- OK, will do. - Good luck.

- I'll see you later. - Into the breech.

Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!

Maynard. Maynard, I warned you.

I know I've got three chins but I love every one of 'em.

Come on in.

Uh, Mr. Hogg, I presume.

Yes?

My name's Gaylord Duke.

Yeah, oh! The English Duke.

The sheriff's gonna love havin' a fancy pants in jail.

Just one moment, Mr. Hogg.

- What? - If you please.

Yeah? Oh, yeah.

I thought you might like to hear

what I have to say about a proposed partnership.

'A partnership?'

'W-What the devil partnership you talking about?'

My dear fellow, would it be possible

to have this discussion in private?

Huh? Oh, yeah. Maynard, go wait outside.

And if I call you, come running.

Now, then, what's this here, partnership all about?

Well, it's appallingly simple, really.

You want something I got and I want something you got.

'You possess something I desire'

'and I possess something you desire.'

Close enough.

Well, he says it a whole lot prettier than you do.

Well, as you may know, my grandfather left me in his will

a little piece of property.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know all about that.

How do you propose to pay the back taxes

on that property?

I don't.

I was, uh, rather hoping that you might take care

of that little trifle for me.

Me? Ha-ha!

You expect me to pay your back taxes?

For which in return I am prepared

to split 50-50 with you

the net proceeds of the sale of the land

to the Dixie King supermarket chain.

Huh? Oh, oh.

How'd you know about that?

Intuition, dear boy, intuition.

'If, however, you refuse, I am prepared'

'to force litigation which after a lengthy trial'

and several appeals is bound to hold up the title

on that land for many years.

By which time I dare say, Mr. Hogg

you will have lost all opportunity to sell the land

at its presently valued estate.

'Am I correct?'

Well, that's blackmail!

'That's blackmail.'

Well, how'd you know he was gonna say that?

Intuition, dear boy, intuition.

But, though my name is Hogg I ain't no pig.

I mean, a definite $125,000 is sure better

than a maybe quarter of the million.

Alright, alright.

Now then, you got that deed with you?

Shrewd and cautious.

I like that in a man.

Yes, of course.

- Yeah. - Unsigned as yet by me.

Of course, until our agreement is consummated.

'Can you do that to deals, too?'

Alright, partner.

'You got yourself a deal.'

Ol' Boss sure took the bait, didn't he?

Yes, thanks to the inspired words

provided by Cousin Luke.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well, gentlemen, tomorrow morning Mr. Boss Hogg and I

will deliver the tax money to the County Seat.

That's providin' we ain't in jail by then.

Huh? Hello, Rosco.

Boss, this is Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.

'Listen, I got them Dukes on a one-way road'

'heading for the river, come back.'

Well, you can just turn that car of yours around

and let 'em be.

One of them Dukes is now my partner.

Listen, I think something crawled in my CB and died.

I-I thought I heard you say

you made one of them Dukes a partner, come back.

Yeah, I did!

I mean, the fancy pants foreign one.

So you just cease and desist for now, do you hear?

Gotcha. That's a little 10-4.

'Judas Priest on a pony, making a Duke a partner.'

'That's criminal, I mean, that's, that's a mess.'

Hey!

Cousin Gaylord, I figured you might favor a picnic with me.

Why, Daisy, I'd be honored.

Uh, Daisy, we got no time for a picnic now.

- Where's Uncle Jesse? - He's gone.

He's been gone for quite a spell, Luke.

Well, he say where he's going?

Nope, just went.

- Well, that ain't like him. - No, it ain't.

Looks like we gotta wait.

Meanwhile, I guess Cousin Gaylord and I

have time at least for a little walk.

At least.

Cousin, you get the feeling Daisy's coming down

with a little something for Cousin Gaylord?

Nope.

She's already got it.

You know something?

I'm so glad you came into our lives, Cousin Gaylord.

Mine in particular.

I'm glad you said that, Daisy

because I feel exactly the same way about you.

Where you been, Uncle Jesse?

'We've been worried about you.'

I've been to the telegraph office.

Do you know when Cousin Gaylord gave me

Uncle Phillip's best regards?

I got to thinkin' Uncle Phillips

can't give nobody best regards.

He's been dead for ten years.

Well, Uncle Jesse, maybe he...

No maybe's about it.

And Aunt Katie

she doesn't prefer to be called Katherine

she prefers to be called Katrina.

You saying what I think you're saying?

That fella don't look like no Duke

and he doesn't act like no Duke.

This here's a telegram that I got back

in answer to the one that I sent to your real cousin.

Y-You mean that that dude out there

with Daisy in the woods is a phony?

As a seven dollar bill.

I'm very, very attracted to you.

Me to you.

I don't say that to just anyone, Gaylord.

Your real Cousin Gaylord is a preacher man.

He, uh... well, he kind of runs a halfway house

for fellas just coming out of prison.

And it seems about three weeks ago

his strong box came up missing

'along with some papers and pictures.'

And the land grant?

That's kee-rect.

And right at that same time, something else came up missing.

'A young con man that just got out of prison'

by the name of Roger Blevin.

Well, it don't take too much to figure out who he is.

We don't need lessons in shuck and jive, either.

Here we sit hiding out, running from Rosco and Boss

all 'cause of him.

Speak of the devil.

I don't care. You're just so cute.

You can say anything you want.

I, uh... just got this

in answer to a telegram I sent to England.

I don't suppose I have to tell you what's in it, do I, Roger?

Oh, dear.

So you know who I am.

That's right. We know you're a fake.

How'd you find out? No. Don't tell me.

Uncle Phillip and Aunt Katherine.

I guessed badly on both counts, didn't I?

Real badly.

You know, you're kind of a likeable fella.

And you got the gumption of a Duke.

It's too bad you ain't got Duke blood in your veins.

If you did have, you'd know what's right and what's wrong

and what's good and bad in this world.

I'm so disgusted with you I can't even be mad at you.

I just feel sorry for you.

I ain't never gone against anything

Uncle Jesse's told me as being true.

But if you tell me what he's saying ain't true

I'll believe you.

It all ain't true, is it?

I'm afraid I'm not much of a one for lying to ladies, Daisy.

It's true.

Did you lie to me?

Yes. I'm sorry.

Aw, Uncle Jesse, he lied.

He lied to all of us, Daisy.

Now I told y'all that there's something wrong with that boy.

Anybody that'd lie to Daisy is un-American.

Well, there'll be no need for gags, I imagine.

You can shout all you will and I don't think

anybody'll hear you up here.

You ain't heard the last of us yet.

Just remember that.

You picked the wrong family to double deal

and don't you think we're gonna set still for it.

I could just wash my mouth out with soap

for the things I said to you.

I love the things you said, Daisy.

And I am very sorry I hurt you.

Cheerio, Daisy.

Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen

I'm afraid I must be running.

But you may rest assured that if you're not free of your ropes

by mid-evening tonight, I'll send someone up to set you free.

I did enjoy being a Duke of Hazzard County while it lasted.

'I'm just very sorry that it should have ended this way.'

Goodbye.

23,000, 24,000, 25,000, 26,000, 27,000

28,000 semollians.

What?

US legal tender dollars.

'Jesse was close.'

And now it's your turn

to make the contributions to the kitty... partner.

Or should I say, Your Dukeship.

Partner.

Oh, Your Dukeship, I believe

you've already met our local sheriff

and his deputy, ain't you?

Rosco P. Coltrane.

Charmed, I'm sure.

- O-oh. Thank you. - I-I'm sure charmed, too.

Enos, I'll tell you when to be charmed.

Rosco, pay attention here now, will you?

Now, you and Enos are gonna escort me

and my new partner here, His Dukeship

to the County Seat at Coreyville.

Uh, be charmed. Heh.

Plus, I want you to lead us, so..

Get a good head start in case them Dukes show up on the way.

I don't think there's any danger of that.

The last I saw of them, they were rather tied up.

Alright.

Enos, open the door.

- Don't he talk fast? - Yeah.

For a foreigner, he sounds real good. Come on.

He made me feel like one day I was gonna be his duchess.

He sure treated me like one.

Well, honey...

He showed me how to curtsy for meetin' the Queen.

Now, Daisy, quit rippin' yourself

up over a no account like that.

Rippin' myself up?

Uncle Jesse

it's that no account that's gonna get himself

ripped up when I catch him!

That's my Daisy.

- Aw, yeah. - Whoo.

We got a little over an hour left

so we're gonna have to work fast.

Friends, I think the fat is fixin' to fall in the fire.

There.

See, Boss and our friend are gonna be headin' over

to Coreyville to the County Seat any minute now.

We gotta make sure they get there in time.

In time for what?

Well, to pay the back taxes on that land.

Just according to the original plan.

But this time we're gonna work a switch.

I think Melford can help us out.

- Melford? - Melford?

Melford?

I thought I knew everybody in Hazzard County.

Alright, pick up Melford

and meet us at the top of Razorback Hill.

We'll be there.

Now part of Luke's plan

was to get rid of Rosco so Melford could do his thang.

Whoo.

So much for part one.

Scratch Rosco.

You just, I'm just, gah!

Make me walk... like a woman.

I can do anything when I wanted to.

Friends and neighbors, meet Melford.

He's a genuine Hazzard polecat.

Hold on.

Damn! Road work or no road work.

'Get them barriers out of the way.'

- Yes, sir, Boss. - A-ah, a skunk!

Forget the women and children, I'm going first.

Let's get out of here before it lets loose!

Come on! Get back to the rear!

'Come on now.'

Alright, Luke. I got the deed.

Come on, Melford, you've done your job.

Did you see that?

A skunk, it fell right out of the sky right into my car.

No offence, Mr. Hogg, but that polecat

didn't like the way you smelled any more

than you liked the way he does.

So he's probably gone by now.

Well, I think we should be pressing on.

Time is running out.

Yes, so it is.

Look, you, go on.

Get them barriers out of the road.

Hey, just don't stand there.

- Go get in your car, will you? - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

We gotta go. That blasted Rosco.

He's supposed to be up ahead of us

protecting us from flying skunks and such like.

Where is he?

Whoo-ooh.

Dang this..

Everything's alright in there, huh?

The little skunk's gone. Good!

Alright. Come on now.

Time's a-wastin'!

On to Coreyville.

Well, it appears as if you made it just in time, Mr. Hogg.

Yeah, high noon.

That's right. Now I'll get this here money in the safe.

Alright.

Your Dukeship, you see that man standing over in there?

He's from the Dixie King supermarket people.

Be my guess, he's got ready cash right in that briefcase

to take this piece of property right off our hands.

Now, Mr. Hogg, if you'll give me that deed

we'll get it properly recorded.

It'd be my pleasure, sir.

Yes, sir.

Is this your idea of a joke, sir?

What do you mean?

Well, that ain't no deed.

'It ain't?'

How did this get in here?

I wish I knew.

A-ah! It's them Dukes.

'I knew it, thievin'..'

Oh, Mr. Dixie King.

Don't you go off like this.

This is only temporary.

We're gonna get everything straightened out.

- Come. - Get in there.

Yo halt. Please, as a personal favor.

Halt. Halt.

Stop!

Enos. Hush up. Hush up.

Nothing personal, you understand.

Your Dukeship, I told you

that they don't make no ropes

that'll hold no Duke for no length of time.

So I see.

Look, Jesse, I just paid the back taxes

on that ol' Henshaw place.

And for some reason that you may know of

we couldn't come up with a deed.

'Now, I'm gonna ask you to go in there and tell 'em'

it was all a big mistake, and at least give me my money back.

Well, you know how them tax people are, J.D.

Once they get their hands on your money

'you can't get it back with a gun.'

Well, then I'm gonna see you all in court when I sue.

I shouldn't be too hasty making that decision, Mr. Hogg.

After all, there are certain illegal

irregularities in our agreement.

All of us here that are involved

are undoubtedly gonna be called into court

to testify under oath.

And one thing they're gonna get you for, Boss

is dealing with an imposter.

You see, Boss, he ain't our cousin.

He ain't a Duke. He ain't even a gentleman.

Well, then who in the name of all that's holy is he?

Just some imposter

that was trying to pull an English shuck and jive on us.

'He had us fooled for a minute.'

Me mostly.

Yeah, let's see now. What else is there?

There's withholding notice of public sale of county property.

Then there's the usual fraud and misrepresentation.

You tricked me! You tricked me!

I thought you'd see it our way, J.D.

You are gonna drop the charges against these boys, ain't you?

Oh, you Dukes. The Dukes. The Dukes.

'The Dukes.'

May I say it's been absolutely charming.

Let's get after him!

Wait a minute, fellas.

This one's mine.

Now, this ain't over yet, folks

not when a girl like Daisy's still got cotton to chop

and a rooster to pluck.

Well, let's go. This is gonna be fun.

Right.

Just don't stand there, you mummy.

They're not the law. You are.

Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.

Hell, just take me anyplace where there ain't no Dukes.

I think she's gaining on him.

Sorry, mister.

Next time you meet a real lady

you'd better learn some manners.

Whoo-hoo!

Give me those, Enos.

Nothing's worth doing, unless you finish it yourself.

Ain't it a shame?

We're never gonna know what we missed.

Daisy, I know exactly what I've missed.

As for Daisy, it'll take time

for her to get over a man that she really set her heart on.

Until the next time.

And, as for Rosco..

'There's a buzzard. What are you doing up there?'

You ain't gonna get me.

Come down here or I'll slap

one of these shots into your tail feathers..

And ol' Boss wasn't about to give up

trying to run the Dukes out of Hazzard County.

One thing about Hazzard folks, they don't quit.

Y'all come back now.