Original subtitles

♪ Just the Good Ol' Boys ♪

♪ Never meanin' no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you never saw been in trouble with the law ♪

♪ Since the day they was born ♪

♪ Straightenin' the curves ♪

♪ Flattenin' the hills ♪

♪ Someday the mountain might get 'em ♪

♪ But the law never will ♪

♪ Makin' their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ That's just a little bit more ♪

♪ Than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just the Good Ol' Boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change if they could ♪

♪ Fighting the system like a true modern day Robin Hood ♪

Yee-haw!

Have you ever seen such hairy pigs?

Now, for all you all that are new to Hazzard County

folks here tend to be very individualistic.

Like if there ain't no road going to where they're going

they'll make one.

Especially if it's the Dukes doing the going.

We told Cooter, we have to test out

these new shocks before we bought 'em.

I can't figure out any better way than this, can you?

I'm sure the shocks can take it.

I just ain't sure my kidneys can.

I love it. I love it. I got 'em. I got 'em.

Auxiliary Deputy Sheriff Cletus.

'This is your leader and superior officer'

'Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane here.'

I have just caught the Duke boys going a half mile

over the speed limit with my new radar gun.

Sounds like, maybe their... speedometer is out of whack

and they don't know. I'll give 'em a warning?

Cletus, listen. I don't care if you're Boss Hogg's cousin.

If you don't make this arrest and you goof up

I'm gonna have your tail for an ugly throw rug.

You got that, boy?

Yes, sir. I hope so.

Please tell me that's a fire truck behind us.

Alright. That's a fire truck behind us.

'But Rosco's drivin' it.'

I don't know why he's chasing us. We're only going 55.

Knowing Rosco, he'll figure out some excuse after he catches us.

Ain't no way I'm gonna let him do that.

Hang on.

- Hang on. - Alright.

Those hicks really know how to tool their wheels.

Yeah, local fuzz ain't bad either.

- Yeah. - This is Mother.

The boys want the word on a meeting place.

Negative.

We put that out over the air and it'll make

the St. Valentine's Day Massacre look like Sunday school picnic.

We'll get in touch when the boss works somethin' out with Curly.

Guess who, Curly?

Money... manicure... garlic.

Black Jack Bender!

- So it is. - Curly Hogg.

I ain't seen you...

Since you was running shyin' to Chicago

and I was picking it up for the..

- Syndicate. - Organization.

Sure are a sight for these tired old eyes.

Oh!

Don't it just warm your heart to see folks

of different cultures hit it off so good?

Lot of cement overcoats under the bridge since then, Curly?

You ain't still in that business, are you?

You're kidding. That kind of stuff went out with Capone.

Oh!

Right now, I'm as legit as you are.

I wish you could put it a mite more reassuring than that.

I thought you're tryin' to lose Rosco.

Luke, fish gotta take the bait before we can reel him in.

Oh-h-h!

- Looks like he's okay. - Hit it.

Yup.

So, I turned over a new leaf.

Even took English lessons at college.

Remember, how I didn't use to talk so good?

Now I'm what you might call the purveyor

of recreational paraphernalia to the younger generation.

- It's a toy business. - Oh, toy business?

'Sounds right peaceful, compared to the old days.'

Ever hear of... industrial spies?

Mm-hmm.

They're trying to steal my new toy design.

Well, I'll be..

So, that's why me and my associates would give..

Ten grand for a meeting place that'd be safe for 24 hours.

To work out the design.

How about the Hogg Hotel?

All I gotta do is evict Widow Stargrass from her suite.

It's too public.

Then, how about Hogg's Incognito Motel?

Everybody registers under the name of Smith.

- Too private. - Alright, there is one spot.

We try to keep people in.

There's no reason it won't work the other way.

I'm talking about the Hazzard County jail.

You know, Curly, you lost your hair, but not your brains.

- Ten grand. - Ah-ha!

Get the other half when the meeting is over.

Providing there is no outside interference.

Black Jack, for this kinda money I'd keep out the army

the navy, the marine corps, the air force and the boy scouts.

Not to mention, the Hazzard County Commission

of Animal Regulation.

- Dog catcher? - That's right.

- You? - Me.

Where's your phone?

Uh, payphone's right over there.

Young lady, uh..

I was wondering if you could change this here bill.

I need coins to call my aged mother. Keeps her happy.

- I got my tips here. - Thanks, honey.

Keep the change.

Mister, you just gave me 50 bucks!

Sorry, I never carry anything smaller.

Hello, Mother. This is B.J., your ever-loving son.

'Tell the boys to head out for a hick county called Hazzard.'

- 'Meet me at the courthouse.' - Boss, it makes 'em nervous.

I don't care if it does make 'em nervous

considering their current legal status.

Just tell 'em to get the lead up and be there.

'Right, boss.'

- See you in jail, Curly. - Yeah, alright.

How can a fella like that be so polite to me

and so rude to his mother?

Drive me to the county jail.

And no wisecracks.

Seeing as how that river is too shallow for even Rosco to drown

I figure, Cletus ought to be pulling him out right about now.

Well, great, that'll give us a clear shot

at testing out these new shocks.

Ain't you got us into enough trouble for one day?

Look, Luke, I promise you. Just one more jump.

If you don't get this fixed fast

the others are gonna get to the jail before we do.

Sorry, boss. Can't figure why the engine clogged out.

And you majored in auto mechanics

in a federal pen.

Not very bright.

Alright, hang on, cousin.

If they can take this, they can take anything.

What're you talking? Shocks or kidneys?

- 'Yee-haw!' - Duck.

All that crazy stunts.

You dang near took the hat off that one with the briefcase.

I'm telling you, dang near only counts

in horseshoes and hand grenades.

We better go back there and apologize. Come on.

Yeah.

What do you guys think you're doing? I gotta...

I'll give you a $100 to drive me to the jailhouse post-haste.

That's only about ten miles. Sure, mister. We'll take that.

Wait a minute.

A 100 bucks for five minutes work?

Well, that'd be like high.. A highway robbery.

Then one of you drives and the other stays here

'and helps these two mechanical geniuses fix the car.'

Well, you put it like that, mister, you got yourself a deal.

Yeah, well, maybe it's the carburetor or something.

Excuse me.

I don't like the way this day is starting.

I don't like it at all.

A car with doors that won't open.

Easy. Very easy.

Hey, look. Here comes another $35.42.

Yeah. Ha ha ha.

Well, step right inside, sir.

Door at the end of the little path.

And on behalf of Hazzard County, I wanna welcome you

to the toy capital of the world.

Hold it, punk. You're wilting my boutonniere.

Watch this.

'I ain't never seen Cooter jump like that'

'just 'cause Boss whistled.'

'Cause you ain't never seen Boss

pay $35.42 just to polish and garage

his out of state limos before either.

Come on. Come on. Move that.

Alright, come on. Come on.

Yeah! Oh! He-he.

Hogg's the name. Jefferson Davis Hogg.

But you can call me Boss.

The other way around, fatso. You call me boss.

- Here, take care of that. - What? Oh, ah-h!

Well, he sure ain't very friendly.

You can't hardly blame him for not wanting to shake Boss' hand.

That's just good hygiene.

Say, I know you from the old days.

You always flipping a coin, huh? Just like that.

- 'You're using a dollar now.' - Inflation, shorty.

'Yeah, I know what you mean.'

Toy convention.

- Hey, y'all. - Huh?

Look here.

I don't think these guys are going rabbit hunting.

I don't know about y'all, but I don't think

'em city boys come to Hazzard to hunt possums.

So after Cooter found all 'em guns

we decided to check the rest of the limos too.

'What'd you find?'

Uncle Jesse, let me put it to you this way.

If the south had that much artillery

we'd have never lost Atlanta.

I don't like the sound of it.

Them kinda guns is illegal, a lot of people could get hurt.

Friends, neighbors, even some folks we don't care about.

For the good of Hazzard County, we better find out

'what them dudes is up to.'

Since we can't trust the sheriff, I guess it's up to us.

What do you mean, us? You coming too?

What do you think?

Us.

Ain't that nice?

We just don't see many families having fun together nowadays.

Y'all know why we're here.

The organization we built with our own sweat and blood

has fallen into unfriendly hands

specifically those of our own sons.

My own kids won't let me go near the docks.

What are you talking about?

I ain't allowed into my own horse parlors. I ain't even...

They even got lookouts to turn me back

if I want to get into Atlantic City..

Me, who invented the six slot machine Jackpot Parlay.

- You know what? - What?

- You're a genius. - I know.

Time we teach them young punks a lesson.

We gave 'em the gambling, loan sharking, the black market

'the broads and the booze.'

To coin a phrase, "What the godfathers giveth.."

"Godfathers can taketh away."

Morning.

I've come to see my boyfriend

Deputy Sheriff Cletus Hawk.

Sorry, honey, he's out to breakfast.

But it's almost noon.

So? He's a big eater.

Wait a minute.

In that case

we'll just have a few words with Sheriff Coltrane.

Gramps, if you don't get your foot out of the door

it'll wind up in a plastic cast.

Well, it's out.

- They don't want nobody in. - Uh-huh.

I guess, we're just gonna have to change their minds.

How you planning on doing that?

Looks like one of us is gonna have to get himself arrested.

Boss, you know what bothered me?

Not only did Bo Duke try to drown me but when I got back

to my office, I couldn't even get in and change my uniform.

Well, keep your shirt on. Get it? Keep your shirt on.

Rosco, I rented out your office, the jailhouse

and everything else there for the next 24 hours.

- You, Boss, you-you.. - Hey, hey!

What're you trying to do, you numbskull?

- Electrocute us both? - Oh, I-I'm sorry about that.

B-Boss, did I hear you right? You rented out my office?

Now, why would you do a thing like it?

Well, I did it for a thing like this.

Ooh!

That's 50% of a $10,000 bill.

That's a cute little devil.

- Uh.. - Mm.

I'll just plug that in there...

And I'm gonna split that with you, fifty-fifty.

You mean to tell me, you're gonna split fifty-fifty with me?

I love it. I love it.

That's right. I'm gonna give you 50%

of 50% of my 50% when I get the other 50%

of that $10,000 bill on..

- One condition. - One condition.

For the next 24 hours, there ain't gonna be

no arrests in Hazzard County.

No arrest.

Whatever they do, whoever they are..

Nobody's gonna be put in that jail.

Ain't going to put 'em in there.

- Nobody. - Nobody. Not even the Dukes?

- Especially them Dukes. - Especially them Dukes.

That's right. And Rosco, if you let them Dukes

upset the apple cart one more time

you will wind up..

- The night rent-a-cop. - The night rent-a-cop

at Shorty's all-night rib shack.

- And pool hole. - And pool hole.

You missed a little spot, it's here.

Ah!

Bo, here he comes.

Daisy, what do you got for a very nervous and upset stomach?

Why, sure, Rosco. Let me serve you up some pig's feet.

What do you mean you ain't paying? It's your turn.

That's what I said, I ain't gonna pay for them beers.

That's how you shucked and jived me into paying the last time.

Wait a minute, are you calling me a liar?

Yeah, you're damn right, I'm calling you a liar.

Luke! Listen, Luke.

- Rosco, he started it. - I don't care who started it.

That's right, Rosco. I started it and I'm gonna finish it.

Well, listen. Now, listen.

If that don't do it, ain't nothing will.

Rosco, look, I'm a peaceful old man.

But it wouldn't hurt my feelings one bit

if you was to throw them two in jail... post-haste.

Mm-hm, go on.

Oh, you..

Alright. Alright. You know what I'm gonna do?

- I'm gonna... - Forget the whole thing.

Forget the whole thing.

Now, there's nothing else you can do.

Uh, you see, for next 24 hours, that jail is being fumigated.

So, there's no use arresting anybody

if you ain't got a place to put 'em.

'Oh, which reminds me, uh, Daisy, look sharp now.'

Set some tables up and deliver a dozen catfish

'and Champagne lunches to the jailhouse'

'for that fumigating crew.'

And charge the whole mess to me.

Okay, Boss.

I don't know about you boys

but when Boss Hogg starts giving away something for free

I smell a rat.

Yeah, we smell it too, but we just can't

figure out how to get into that jailhouse.

Hey, that ought to be easy enough.

Seeing as how Boss was kind enough

to supply us with the answer.

What do you mean?

Twelve catfish and Champagne dinners.

Coming right up.

Hi. Got your lunch here, sugar.

You two just stand aside and me and Cooter

is gonna wheel it right in.

Thanks for the company, we can handle it.

Catfish! This thing's heavy!

Well, there's never been anything light

about Hazzard County cooking.

Okay.

I don't like this one bit.

If they ain't out of there in 15 minutes

I'm gonna load up for bear and go in and get 'em.

In the meantime, we got work to do

so, we better just go ahead with the plan.

This thing's heavy.

Before we cut up that lunch, how about we finish

cutting up the numbers racket?

I'll take the south east, working out of Miami.

Oh, that's great. While you're on a beach pickin' up a suntan

I'm in Chicago up to my ears in icicles.

We'll call you when we're ready to eat.

You want hot? I'll give you hot.

Give me your numbers in Chicago, I'll give you my loan sharking

'in Vegas and you got hot.'

As long as he doesn't muscle in on my slot machines.

Last joker who tried that is still in the bottom

of Lake Mead... stuffed with nickels.

Well, genius.

This time, I really stuck my foot in it.

Mafia Summit Meeting.

Let's amscray.

Hands, don't fail me now.

Ha-ha. Well, hi, fellas. It sure is nice to see y'all again.

'A little coffee after lunch?'

Rogers, find that scruffy rube that runs the garage.

We need a car to take these boys for a little ride.

You don't have to go to all that trouble, we'll just walk out.

After what you two heard? No way.

What my colleague means is, uh, you shouldn't have butted in.

Just when I was beginning to like you.

Now, wait a minute, mister. I-I like you too

but couldn't we just shake hands?

There ain't been a handshake invented that means

what that kiss does, hayseed.

Cousin, he just gave us the kiss of death.

Now, what do you think about folks that mix up

kissing and killing?

- 'Okay, let's get rid of 'em.' - 'Alright, move 'em out.'

Come on, let's go. Move it out.

Let's move it, move it, move it.

- Come on, you guys. - Come on, you, let's move.

- That's right. - Yeah, yeah.

Keep going. Keep going. Come on, now.

Let's just take it easy, guys.

We don't want any innocent by-standers

getting hurt, now, do we?

Come on, get in the car.

Hey! Where's it going?

Alright, Daisy! Way to go, babe!

Yoo-hoo!

I gotta drop back their package.

That broad in the red car. She must've picked them up.

You follow 'em. I'll get the others.

Well, they bought it.

As soon as 'em boys figure out we ain't in General Lee

the FBI ought to be on 'em just like bees to honey.

That's providing we can get to a phone before they get to us.

Come on.

There they go!

Move it, move it!

'Let's go, let's go!'

Come on, come on. They went this way.

- Where'd they go? - Where'd they go?

- Up? - Up.

Alright, they've gotta be around.

You guys, to the right. You come with me.

Cooter's gonna be mad at us for breaking his window.

Hey, we're in a state of siege. All's fair in love and war.

- Come on. - Right.

Hello, Maybell. Give me the FBI in Atlanta.

Sure thing, Luke... dear.

I want every road out of this burg cut off

till we find out where the local stool pigeons

are nested... and pop 'em.

Eh, just hold on there, Black Jack, old friend.

Not that I'm exactly in love with 'em Duke boys

but I don't intend to stand here and see 'em roughed at.

In that case, stubby, you better sit.

- Hey, Boss. - Dah!

- Boss. - Oh!

Listen, I don't..

You really think those guys

are into toy manufacturing business?

- No, ding-ding. - No.

When I rented out the jailhouse to 'em

I thought they was as honest as you and me.

Hold your tongue.

What do you suppose is keeping the FBI?

I don't know.

Let's give her a buzz to remind her

she was supposed to call us back.

It's too late for that now.

That was the phone company office.

Oh, Lord!

Get the cord.

Are you alright, Maybell?

It's just that everything happened so fast.

Those city men came in there and...

Blew up the switchboard to make sure, rest of the country

wouldn't know what was happening here in Hazzard.

What're we gonna do now? Send out a carrier pigeon?

The only chance we got of staying alive

is to get to the FBI before Bender and his mob gets to us.

- 'Trying to get the General?' - Yeah.

Yee-haw! Atlanta, here we come.

I'm afraid you got it backwards, cousin.

We're heading the wrong direction.

Oh, I ain't. Not if you consider what's behind us.

Black Jack from Poker One.

We just spotted those pigeons at Oak Bridge on highway 12.

'They're headed south.'

That should put 'em just about there.

Yeah. It's just where we want 'em.

- Let us know when you nail 'em. - 'Will do, boss.'

Me rootin' for the Dukes.

I never thought I'd live to see that day.

You might not just live to see any day.

Ooh, ooh!

In case you hadn't thought, Jenson's Bridge is still here.

Ain't no sweat, cousin

'cause I've jumped that creek a dozen times.

But not with that limo right where you usually land.

Them boys ain't kidding.

Don't ask me how it's going to come out.

You're on your own. I don't know.

Yee-haw!

You must be slipping.

You missed 'em by a couple of feet.

Black Jack from Poker One. You won't believe this.

They jumped a creek and got past the two of us.

'What do we do now?'

Turn around. Cut off highway 12 at the county line.

Poker Two, do the same on State 17.

Three and four, cut off all the roads leading north.

Have I overlooked anything?

Nothing that I can think of, Black Jack, old friend.

Except, he-he-he..

The other half of this $10,000 bill.

You haven't changed a bit, Curly. You're still all...

- Wallet. - Eh.

Oh, he-he.

No, I-I just didn't want you boys walk out of here

with a bad conscience for welching.

Welching?

Forget it. I didn't say anything.

Cuz, I'm about fed up with running away

from these guys.

You know, I guess it's about time

for us to show 'em just what we can do.

No, sir.

The way I see it, this ain't just one of your everyday

Hazzard County skirmishes against two..

Uh, local elements too closely related to mention.

What are you talking about?

We're talking about your Cousin Boss, you dipstick.

Oh-oh, well.

So, what we got here is an all-out war

against outside forces.

Yeah. But that ain't gonna be easy.

Considering they outnumber us about two to one.

Yeah, that's even if we count Daisy.

We better dang well count Daisy.

Especially since she's gonna be the one firing the first shot.

- I am? How? - Easy.

Just doing what comes naturally.

Hey! Hi, fellas.

Y'all are at my favorite swimming hole.

Hope you don't mind if I go skinny-dippin'.

Skinny-dippin'?

Look.

'This water feels so good on my bare body.'

'Where'd she go? What happened?'

'Ah! Eh!'

Howdy, boys. Mind if I pass? Thank you.

Hey, ain't that the old coot

that tried to get in the jail this morning?

Bo, Luke... brung some grub for ya.

Jackpot.

- 'Thanks for the tip, pops.' - Alright, come on out.

We know you're in there. Come out or we drag you out.

- Just come out. - Come on, come on out.

You boys ain't quite got used to this country living, have you?

'Hey! How're y'all doing?'

Tell me something.

Is it worth a couple of hundred dollars to y'all

if I tell you where them Duke boys is hiding?

Is it worth this to you if you don't?

No. Well, I guess you just can't win 'em all, can you?

They're in the trunk of that car.

Ah!

'Ah-ow!'

- Yeah! - Ha-ha-ha.

- They're mean but they're dumb. - Yeah.

So much for Luke's plan to take care of the soldiers.

Now, it's Jesse's turn to flush out the generals.

I don't like it, Jack.

We ain't been able to contact the boys in over an hour.

Oh! Maybe that's them now.

Oh, sorry. We gave at the office.

Oh!

I appreciate you trying to spare me the sight

of these skunks, but I got a message for 'em.

Now, we got all your boys. All eight of 'em.

And they're willing to blow the whistle on you.

So... that's why we couldn't reach the guys on the radio.

Okay, pops, so you got our associates.

What do you want from us?

Well, long as you got no army now..

Just give yourselves up

'and we'll see that you get a fair trial..'

before we hang ya.

- Rosco. - Oh, what? Huh?

Lock 'em up.

Ooh, uh, uh, Jesse, I can't do that.

Y-you see, I-I need a warrant.

'I-I'll get the warrant from Boss Hogg'

'before he gets out the door.'

Well, you're the justice. Make out a warrant.

Me? Me? Jesse, I don't believe you realize what you're asking.

Don't you realize as long as these..

Hoodlums are free, my boys are in danger?

Let's grab the old man.

Make his kids surrender.

Gentlemen, please.

Far be it from us to harm a messenger

under the handkerchief of truce.

Put away them rods. All of you.

Tell your boys, we wanna think it over, gramps.

Don't think too long, punk.

Oh, hey, thank you. Thank you, Black Jack.

Jesse may be an old enemy

but he's an old friend too.

'Um, M-Mr. Bender.'

Now, I don't mean to tell you your business

but you shouldn't let old Jesse go.

His nephews are the only ones that can testify against you.

You're right, Curly. Your smokey is a dipstick.

Now, we're gonna borrow your car

so we can trail that old codger

right to the ones we're after.

Let's go.

Boss, what happens now?

Well, while Bender's trailing old Jesse

we're going to be trailing old Bender.

We gotta get those kids. They heard everything we said.

'I'll take the wheel.'

Come on, Rosco. Take your car and follow 'em.

- Boss? - Yeah.

- You mind me asking a question? - What?

- Whose side are we on? - Whose do you think?

The winning side.

Whoever that is.

Let's go.

I can't look.

'Buckle up for safety.'

Rosco, would you... get on now.

I thought you could drive better than this.

Boy, you're some driver. What're you trying to do, kill us?

Hey!

Hey!

Blast it. He's going..

Yeah, we better hightail before they catch sight of us.

Are you trying to take us for a real ride?

Oh, shut up.

I wonder if those guys know this is a traffic circle.

Well, Jesse does. That's all that counts.

Now, believe it or not, this here circle chase

is part of the Dukes' plan.

Whatever that is.

Step on it. We're losing him.

I'm doing 60 now.

Oh, we ain't the only ones.

Yee-hoo!

Forget those rubes. Let's get the other rubes.

Dang city drivers, they made me wreck my own patrol car.

Not to mention what you did to this one.

- What? - Look!

We done sprung a leak, ain't we?

You dimwit! Now, you catch up with them fast.

Or the cost of repairs is coming out of your pay.

- For the next 20 years. - Oh! I'm going.

That's them. Right in our hands. Let's go get 'em.

Oh, Rosco, you dang dodo-brain. You did it again.

It is a mess. Ain't it?

I guess, you're gonna cancel my insurance now.

Because you can't see at two feet.

- Well, I hit it, didn't I? - I ought to hit you.

Come on, let's go.

Ha-ha-ha. What do you know.

We got the stoolies right where we want 'em.

Now, look, mister. Don't-don't shoot us.

We'll, uh, we'll surrender.

W-we won't say nothing if you let us go.

- Not a chance, sucker. - Alright, we got 'em.

- Now what do we do with 'em? - You know what I think?

- I think we ought to blast 'em. - I say, no.

I say, put 'em in cement and in the river.

Cement, cement, cement went out 30 years ago.

- Now. Now! - What?

- Cut the rope now. - Oh!

Yee-haw!

Black Jack, I beg of you. Spare them innocent boys.

I'll put them in prison where they'll never bother you again.

I'm afraid, you got it all wrong, Cousin Boss.

Looks like it's gonna be the other way around.

Well, I'll be sweet.

Well, Rosco. You've done it again.

What? Oh!

- I did it, didn't I? - Well, there you are.

Despite your driving left foot

we came out on the winning side.

Yeah, I've seen better looking strings of catfish.

- Let's make a deal. - 'I wanna talk to my lawyer.'

Hush! Now, you're all under arrest.

Cletus, read 'em their rights.

Uh, y'all have the right to remain silent. If you give up...

That's enough. You know they're guilty.

You can tell by their beady little eyes.

Don't you threaten me.

Southern hospitality!

Excuse me, can I help you there?

- Eh? - Allow me.

Hoorah-hiya!

Get on in that limousine here.

'Hey, Luke, you make sure I get them handcuffs back.'

'W-will you get 'em in there? Just get 'em in there.'

Excuse me, Rosco.

Rosco!

Naturally, Boss and Rosco took all the credit

even though they missed out on the cash.

Y'all don't spend it all in oneplace, now.

Of course Rosco's 50% of 50%

of Boss' 50% of that $10,000 bill

added up to nothing more than 200%

of a massive confetti.

See y'all in church.

Daisy made sure Cletus got a proper reward

for his part in the proceedings.

And that's how Bo and Luke took the syndicate for a ride..

All the way to the FBI in Atlanta.