Original subtitles

(Транскрибовано за допомогою TurboScribe.ai. Оновити до Необмеженого, щоб прибрати це повідомлення.) Oh.

Hello.

Yuvala?

Yuvala.

Yuvala.

Me, Gaylord.

You, Yuvala.

Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Me, Tarzan.

You, Lady J.

Another day, another banana.

Oh, Cosmo.

It's THE Dr. Cornholeus.

Heavy duty.

Oh, I'm such a fan.

Oh.

Come on.

Let's give it to one.

This is for the humans.

Bring that

stripper over here, right away.

Not that one.

White thighs.

You can dance.

No shit.

And you can talk, too.

You must be one of those humans from

the tropics.

Polly, want a cracker?

Fuck no, I don't want a cracker.

I want to get out of this madhouse.

This is a madhouse!

Whorehouse.

Whorehouse.

Are there more of you?

No, no, no.

You listen to me.

I'm from planet Earth.

I'm with the United States Air Force.

You got my crew, two other astronauts, locked

up in your clink.

So, if you don't mind...

Stay right where you are.

Stay right here.

Don't move.

I have to make a phone call.

Dr. Quirra!

Dr. Quirra!

Get General Lade and Sergeant Jerko on the

phone right away and tell them and the

whole gang to meet me down at Andrews.

Oh, and Dr. Quirra, bring your tap shoes.

We're going dancing.

Apes, you must listen to me.

For years we have thought that humans have

no soul because they can't dance.

But I have found three humans that can

dance.

And I have witnessed with my own eyes

these three humans right here burst into spontaneous

dance.

The Foxtrot, the Funky Human, the Polka even.

They have rhythm.

I am telling you they can dance.

They deserve the same inalienable rights that we

have.

And I can prove it to you.

I can prove it.

DJ, hit it.

♪

♪

♪

♪ ♪

All right, stop the music!

This is a bunch of cod swallow up.

These humans can't rock.

Dr. Conholious has trained these rammies to move

their baby boots.

I mean, after all, humans see humans do,

right?

What sort of proof do you need?

They were dancing.

Proof?

I'll show you proof.

Let's see these humans dance to a real

song and we'll show them the Vicky Vicky.

Show them, Vance.

Show them, Vance.

♪

♪

Take a gander,

primates.

These humans can't dance a wurf.

Because you can't sing for shit, you damn

dirty ape.

So, a trained parrot fed disease fantasies by

Dr. Conholious.

What a bunch of cack.

You and your friends can't speak a wurf

or think a wurf.

Look, I'm a human.

Of course I can think.

I can speak.

I got soul.

Pushkin, come on.

Back me up on this baby.

Tell him like it is.

Меня зовут Пушкин Дакушин.

У меня собака, бабушка, столичная, Москва.

Oh, you are pathetic.

Fornication.

Come on.

Tell him.

Tell him.

You butchers!

You bastards!

You cut her brain out!

I'll kill you!

I'll kill every one of you!

Get your filthy paws off me!

Up with the bag of stunners.

And I hope I never see them daggo

faces again.

Get your filthy paws off me!

I'll kill you!

And once and now and for all, Conholious.

Conholious, I want you to stop banging on

about about the rammy humans.

Is that a human whazzing on my leg?

Thought so.

Well, I'm going to go home and have

a wacky backy.

Oh, you blew it, baby.

Now he's mine.

All mine.

Don't touch me.

You can't be animals.

I'm tired of putting up with this shit.

You'll rue the day that you messed with

these arseholes.

You stupid fucking monkey.

Those fucking apes.

We're never going to get out of here.

Get off me, you mindless fuck.

What are we going to do?

It's starting to get cold in here.

In Russia, we use our bodies to keep

us warm.

What the hell is going on now?

Quiet, you, quiet.

Listen, little human, we have to set you

free.

You're far too beautiful a specimen.

I'm not so sure about this.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Thanks, sweet Jesus, for that.

Okay, um, where's my friends?

The astronauts?

I'm so sorry.

We couldn't save them.

They were sent to a beautician's school.

Help me!

Help me!

Let's stay off my knickers.

Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We might need a little something for the

road.

Oh, God, stop those yabbos.

All right, come on, move it, move it.

Let's go.

We've got to get out of here.

Come on, go, go, go, go.

Hold it right there, you human.

Oh, yeah?

Get out of my face.

Come on.

We've got to go.

Move it.

General, sir.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sir, you okay?

Yeah, I'm great, but I think I ripped

my kicks.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Sir, sir, let me help you up.

Oh, hold on, hold on.

My allen whippers are riding up me bum.

I'm home.

I've been home all this time.

Ah!

Oh, no!

No!

You finally really did it!

You blew it!

You murderers!

Damn you all!

Damn you all to hell!

Human, where can we find some help?

Some H2O.

That way.

Order.

Hey, honey, me spaceman, big strong, fall from

sky.

Yeah, me too.

You speak English.

Hey, honey, wait, don't go.

We haven't had a handjob in about an

eon.

Please help a fellow astronaut.

You blew it!

Damn you, you murderers!

Straight to hell!

Again!

Yummy, this hits the spot.

What?

What?

What?

What?

There's a quaint little lemonade shop right up

the way.

Lemonade!

Give me some ice.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my heart!

You think perhaps I could have a lemon

wedge, please?

I would like a sample of sweet.

Ah!

Um, I'm just gonna have a lemonade.

What do you want?

Okay, she wants...

I don't think I have that.

She wants a nonfat half-calf mochaccino light

foam.

Oh!

Cinnamon.

Ah!

These monkey pants!

I love it!

Oh!

Can I get a lemon wedge, please?

Hello?

Oh, my!

Ow!

Get your hands off me, you crazy bitch!

My, you're strong, aren't you?

What the fuck?

You can talk?

Of course I can talk.

I'm a barbarian princess.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I thought I was the only girl

on this mud ball who could speak.

No, I can too.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you think you're pretty fucking tough, don't

you?

Yeah, I do.

Well, you must think you are so strong.

Yeah?

What, do you work out or something?

Yeah, I do.

What about you?

Yeah?

Well, you're also pretty cute.

You're not so bad yourself.

Oh.