Original subtitles

RAY: We there yet?

No, you impatient cunt.

So what's the surprise?

Not telling.

Why not?

'Cause it's fucking surprise.

That's the whole point of a surprise.

You don't tell the other person 'cause then it just...

it ruins the surprise.

But I don't like surprises.

Well, you'll fucking like this one.

-Yeah, we'll see. -You'll like this one.

Yeah, we'll see.

Look the other way.

I didn't come out this far for you to fuck it up.

Close your eyes. Look the other way.

This better be fucking good, mate, I tell you.

Just close your eyes.

They're closed.

Put your hands out.

Get fucked.

-Fuck off.

You like surprises now

That's a Sterling.

Nah, that's a Patchett.

Patchett?

Better than a Sterling.

Better than the Sten.

Pretty much won us World War II.

It'll blow your fuckin' head off.

What are you doing with them?

Gonna make some fruit salad.

Stay.

You ready?

This is it, mate.

Merry fuckin' Christmas.

All right, I've got another one for you.

RAY: Yeah?

Would you rather have great sex or great food?

Great food.

Well, that's boring.

RAY: Well, you gotta eat.

Yeah, but if you're going to have the great food,

then you gotta have the bad sex.

What's bad sex?

ALLY: Oh, that's the sex I have with you.

Oh. Very funny.

All right, if you're gonna have the...

the great food,

then you've gotta have bad sex

with, like, some stinky, crusty old granny.

I'll have the great sex, then.

ALLY: Okay, but then you gotta have the bad food.

What's bad food?

ALLY: I don't know. What a food you don't like?

Sandwiches.

What do... Who doesn't like sandwiches?

I don't fucking like sandwiches.

ALLY: What do you mean?

I mean, toasted's all right, but not fuckin' raw ones.

Well, what is a raw sandwich?

Not toasted.

A bit of bread with some shit in it.

Yeah, all right, fine, okay.

If you're gonna have the great sex,

then you have to eat raw sandwiches

for the rest of forever.

How about I eat the sandwiches while I'm having the great sex?

ALLY: Yeah, if you want.

Sure, why not?

All right, I'll do that, then.

Won't even notice.

FREDDY: Bobby.

-Hi.

How you doing?

Yeah, good.

Ray, Davros.

How you going, mate?

So, Ray...

did Freddy explain why I wanted to see you?

Yeah.

So how is your friend?

He's been better.

Yeah?

Right.

I heard he was in a coma.

That's the way it goes, eh? No hard feelings.

Well, I'm afraid there are hard feelings.

Quite a lot of hard feelings, actually.

Are there?

That's why we're having this chat.

You can't go around bashing my guys.

But your guys can go around bashing my friends, can they?

Look, we had no idea you were friends

with the guy that got bashed.

I know you and Freddy are friends,

and out of respect for Freddy,

my guys wouldn't have done what they did had they known.

If they did...

...I would've put them in the hospital myself.

Did you know Freddy and I are family?

He does now.

He does now.

Good.

Well, we all know where we stand now,

so we're good, right?

Come on, get up. Get up there.

In the future, if there is a problem,

you won't go off half-cocked.

You just keep your guys in line, mate, okay?

And then I won't have to do it for you.

Nice to meet you.

Jesus Christ.

Don't even think about it.

Trust me, don't even think about it.

WOMAN: Go, go, go, keep it moving!

BRITTANY: Bella, Bella, over here!

GIRL: Hey, Britt! Brittany!

WOMAN : But even though there are lots

of different types of stag beetles,

many are facing a loss of habitat that is threatening...

What's that?

Bug Versus Bug. I'm obsessed with it.

Last night they had... had two spiders.

They had this, like, jumping spider and a spitting spider.

And the jumping spider, he attacks the other one,

-and jumps on him, but he misses. -Mm.

And the spitting spider, he then shoots out this kinda, like...

What are these idiots doing?

Having a good old fuckin' chit-chat.

Oh, fuck, here we go.

-Oh! -I'll fuckin' give you one of those, you fuckin' little turd.

Ray!

-Yeah, you better run, you fuckin' cocksucker.

Eh

Yeah, fuckin' run, you little bitch.

What?

Wh... What the fuck...

Just get in the car, luv. Get in.

Do you want a cuppa?

S... Uh, yeah, sure.

Hey, hey, can we talk?

Yeah, what's up?

What happened today with those guys...

It's-it's kinda really bothering me.

Mm?

Um, I mean, I know they were being assholes, but...

Mm.

Like, you were really violent.

And it bothers me.

What was I supposed to do?

I just... feel like you could have...

you could have at least tried to talk to the guy, you know?

Maybe tried to defuse the situation.

Yeah, but, uh...

that would have given his partner

time to get out of the car.

And then I'm dealing with two assholes instead of one.

I mean, one-on-one... yeah, sure.

But, uh, two-on-one,

it's just too risky.

And you're there. I don't want you getting hurt, so...

Sure. Yeah.

Okay?

Yeah.

Thank you, Max. Thank you.

Uh... Ray.

How many, uh, how many people-- if you had to guess--

how many people would you say that you've assaulted?

Heaps.

And how do you feel about that?

Fine. They had it coming to 'em.

And what did they do?

It depends. Uh...

I mean, I'm pretty big on just respect.

So, like, if you respect me, I respect you.

Now, if you don't, we got a problem.

Well, let's talk about the most recent assault,

the one with the two youths.

No, I only bashed one of 'em.

And, um, they weren't youths.

They were, like, in their 20s.

Well, let's call them young men, then.

Uh, yeah. So, uh,

I was walking down the street with me daughter,

and two guys come along, bumped into her,

and she had an ice cream and,

you know, dropped her ice cream and...

So you assaulted him?

Well, no. They started...

then they started swearing,

and she's only eight, so...

So you bashed him

while your daughter was just standing there.

No, not while she was standing there.

I bashed him later.

Okay, well, how did you feel afterwards,

after it was... after it all happened?

Fine.

Do you enjoy hitting people?

I wouldn't say I enjoy hitting people.

You know, if I hit somebody,

I generally got a pretty good reason.

And you think you had a good reason?

Didn't I just say that?

So can you remind me again what that reason was?

Well, they were being assholes.

The world is full of assholes, Ray, you do realize that.

Yeah, and you know why?

Why?

'Cause people let them get away with it.

See, if you're in jail, right, and you fuck with somebody,

you disrespect somebody, you can end up dead.

There's consequences.

But out here in the real world,

there's no consequences, all right?

So next time these two pricks are walking down the street

and they start thinking,

"Oh, we might go and fuck with somebody,"

they're gonna think twice about it,

which is good for everybody.

So, in your mind,

you've done society a favor.

Yeah.

Well, I guess, on behalf of society,

I should say thank you.

PETER: Steve, how are, uh...

how are things at home since, uh, since we last spoke?

-There you go. -It's about time.

Oh, sorry.

-Bruce, Ally. -G'day, mate.

ALLY: Nice to meet you.

-Yeah, good. Good, thanks.

Britt, you wanna...

-Hi. -Hello, Brittany. I'm Ally.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you, too.

Your dad tells me you're a bit of a legend

on the netball court.

I'm okay.

Okay? I'm sure you're better than okay.

Do you wanna come see my room?

Sure, I'd love to. Lead the way.

-It's over here. -Okay.

Top shelf.

How'd she end up with you?

-She must be desperate. -Mm.

Did you do that?

BRITTANY: Yeah.

That is awesome.

This is Patrick.

Hello, Patrick.

He's got a lovely mane. He's very beautiful.

Are you gonna marry my dad?

Um...

Uh...

Do you know... actually, I don't know.

-Okay.

Did you know that my dad's seen a real unicorn before?

-Mm-hmm.

He said he saw it in the Blue Mountains.

Okay. Wow.

We're gonna go to look for one.

Right.

Do you wanna come?

Yes, I would love to come. That'd be great.

Okay, cool.

Cool.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

Where have you been?

Run out of smokes.

Oh.

What's that smell?

What smell?

I don't know, it's like a...

it's like a burning sort of chemically sort of smell.

["Reckless" by Australian Crawl playing]

♪ I miss our early morning wrestle♪

♪ Not a very happy♪

♪ Way to start the day♪

♪ She don't like♪

♪ That kind of behavior♪

♪ She don't like♪

♪ That kind of behavior♪

♪ So♪

♪ Throw down your guns♪

♪ Don't be so reckless♪

♪ Throw down your guns...♪

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH