All language subtitles for 6.15 The Flapjack Contest

The following program
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Black coffee?
No, thanks, Pa.

What's gotten into
your young brother lately?

Tearing around the countryside,

playing poker,
getting home at all hours.

Pa, he's just young,
sowing his oats.

Well, I wish he'd straighten out

and confine his oat-sowing activities
to the ranch.

Run him out of bed, will you?
He'll spend the whole day there.

I'll get him for you.

Hey, Joe.

Joe, wake up.
Wake up. Wake up.

Up and at 'em. Come on. Hey.

Oh, Joseph.

What's going on up there?

Joe.

Why in tarnation did you do that?

Oh, my head. Ooh.

Let me see.

Hey, Joe, did you that just now?

No, I didn't do it just now.
It's a long story.

Yeah, well, tell me about it later.

Pa is waiting for you downstairs
and he's in a bad mood.

Oh, just my luck.
He's gotta be in a bad mood.

Why does everybody gotta be
in a bad mood?

What a lump.

Morning.

What time did you get in
last night anyhow, little brother?

Oh, I'm gonna guess about 4:00.

It's a good thing Pa didn't catch you.
You'd have more lumps than one.

Hoss, I must have laid in that road
for hours after they bushwhacked me.

How much did they get off of you,
anyhow?

Oh, I started out with about $20,
and after the poker game,

I guess I had close to a hundred.

Well, you sure got a talent for trouble,
little brother.

Pa sends you into town
to get the mail,

and you end up in a poker game,

win a hundred dollars
and then get bushwhacked.

How do you get in all them messes,
anyhow?

Well, there's this new tinhorn gambler
in town named Trager.

He was bragging to everybody
about how great his cards were,

so I thought I'd show him.

Show him what?
Like, how to draw to an inside straight?

You know, I did too,
I drew an inside straight against him.

He was a big loser in that game.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he
wasn't the one that bushwhacked me.

He's a real bad loser.

Here comes Pa.
Talk about something else.

Hoss.
Yes, sir.

Here's a list of supplies.

And you, young fellow,
don't forget that Windowpane.

Yes, sir.

Make sure that he gets up
at a decent hour.

Stop in at the post office,
see if a package arrived from Adam.

Yeah. When's he coming home?

In about a week.

I got a letter from him,
which this young man finally brought.

It seems he bumped
into an old friend of his,

a clipper captain
who needed some ready cash.

So the fellow offered to sell Adam
a beautiful uncut ruby,

which he picked up in India.

Adam buy it?

He sure did, for a thousand dollars,
worth much more, of course.

That Adam. Ain't he a shrewd one?

Yeah, he sure is.

He didn't want the ruby stolen
or maybe lost

so he put it in a small plain box
and sent it home.

So check at the post office, huh?

Are you feeling all right?

Yeah.
You look awfully pale.

Well, I didn't get a whole lot of sleep
last night, Pa.

I know that.

Then try to make up for it tonight,
will you?

Ho. Ho. Ho.
Hoss, start ordering those supplies.

Be back in a minute
to help lead them.

Wait, where you going?
Saloon.

Joe. Don't you think you got enough
troubles without going and

getting yourself
in another poker game?

Look, stop worrying.

I'm not gonna get
into another poker game.

Just want to see
if that tinhorn's over there,

or whether he skedaddled out of town
after he bushwhacked me.

Joe, you ain't got no proof
that he's the one that done it.

If he's throwing my money around,
I got proof.

Hey, Joe.

How can you tell
it's your money or not?

Morning, Little Joe.

What will you have?

Nothing for me, Sam.
I'm just killing time.

Say, uh, has that Trager fellow
been around?

You getting in on it too?

Getting in on what?
The Flapjack Contest.

Heh, the what?

The Flapjack Eating Contest Saturday,

you know, on Founder's Day.

The Merchant's Association
is sponsoring it.

Here, just sign up for it.
Oh, yeah?

Heh, "Flapjack Contest."

What's Trager got to do with it?

Why, he's taking bets on
Big Ed Simpson winning the contest.

That's why I thought
you wanted him.

He's taking bets, huh?
Yep.

Giving 5-to-1
if Big Ed Simpson wins the contest.

Hi, Little Joe.
Hi, Lily.

Give me two beers, Sam.
Right.

Where is Trager?
In the back room.

Right. Thanks.
Two beers.

I hear you're throwing
all kinds of money around, Trager.

What?

Last night after the poker game
you said you were broke.

Now you're throwing all kinds of money
around on some contest.

It ain't none of your business,
but I ain't throwing no money around.

All I'm doing is making bets
on Big Ed here

winning the Flapjack Contest.

Flapjacks is my favorite food.

Especially when the prize is $500.

New, Big Ed, you simmer down.
Stop your bragging.

OthenNise, I'm gonna have to
raise the odds on you.

How are you gonna pay off
if he loses?

Big Ed ain't gonna lose.

But if he does,
the payoff is my business.

So like I was saying,

I'm taking bets on Big Ed, at 5-10-1,
and I'm paying off by the book.

Put me in for $10.

What's so funny?

I'm afraid this deal
is a little too big for you, Little Joe.

When I talked about 5-10-1,

I was talking 500 to $100.

Oh, well, that's fine.
Put me down for a hundred dollars.

Oh, well.

"Cartwright, $100."

That's right.

And I'll be right here Saturday
to collect.

You better be right here Saturday
to pay off.

See you, Sam.
See you, Joe.

Well, little brother,

you sure have been a big help
this morning.

I had to load all these supplies
by myself.

What have you been doing in there?

Oh, just signing up
for the Flapjack Contest.

Surprising.

I never knew you was fond
of flapjacks.

Oh, I'm not.

You are.

What's that supposed to mean?

I just signed you up
for the Flapjack Contest.

That's crazy.

If I wanted flapjacks, I'd just get
Hop Sing to mix me up a batch.

The winner of the Flapjack Contest
gets $500.

Is that a fact?
Yep, that's a fact.

After you win the contest
and I win my bet,

there's a thousand dollars.

What bet?
Well, Trager's in there.

He's giving 5-to-1 odds

that Big Ed Simpson
is gonna win the contest.

I know you can out-eat him
any day of the week.

So naturally I had to bet against him.

Joe, all you're doing is making a lot
of trouble for yourself.

If Pa finds out
you've been gambling again,

he's gonna clobber you.

Gonna get more than clobbered
if I don't get $1000

before Adam gets back.

Now what in tarnation
has Adam got to do with it?

When I got bushwhacked?
Yeah.

They also stole a little package
that I picked up at the post office.

Adam's $1000 ruby?

Adam's $1000 ruby.

See, Hoss,
I gotta get that money. I just gotta.

Well, I'll tell you what you got to do,
little brother.

You gotta tell Pa
this whole miserable story.

Just lay it on the line,
that's what you gotta do.

But stop to think for a minute.

Try to visualize what's gonna happen
when I tell him the truth.

Can you see it?

Wouldn't it be easier just to win
the $500?

They had good flapjacks.

Whoa.

Where's Hess?
Oh, he'll be along in a minute, Pa.

He's just walking
the rest of the way home.

He's walking?
What in heaven's name for?

For exercise.
That will build up his appetite.

He eats more than all of us
put together.

Why does he have to build up
his appetite?

Well, for the Flapjack Contest.

The Flapjack--?

Say that again.

This Saturday is Founder's Day
in Virginia City, right?

Yeah.

Pan of the big doings
is a Flapjack Contest.

I entered Hoss.
I figure he's a cinch to win it.

Sure. Of course, you fellas
have nothing better to do.

Hmm.
I'd unload those supplies.

Oh.

And very first thing,

put that Windowpane
back in your room.

Holy Toledo, Pa, the Windowpane.

You forgot it.

Oh, Pa, I was so busy
it just slipped my mind.

Sure, you were busy.
Entering Hoss in a Flapjack Contest.

I'm sorry. I'll go back and get it.
Oh, no, you won't.

Stay right here, there's plenty
for you to do around here.

Now just unload the supplies.
Yes, sir.

Oh...

I guess Hoss thought of it for me.

Congratulations.

What have you got out there,
Hop Sing? Smells delicious.

Fried pork chops.
Pork chops!

Hot dog, that's my favorite.
Bring them on, I'm starving to death.

Hungry enough
I can eat fried bear fat.

No, Hoss, please.

Didn't I tell you exercise
would improve your appetite?

Pass me the butter.

Oh, yeah, Pa.
Ah.

Hmm, smells good.

No, thanks, Hop Sing.
I don't care for any salad.

I'll just have the pork chops.

Mr. Joe say this your supper.

What?
Yeah, it's a diet.

Oh, it's real good.
Carrots and celery and an apple.

It'll keep you alive.

Joe, I'm starving to death
after all that exercising.

I can't live on this rabbit food.

Do you want to win the $500
or don't you?

Yeah. But, Joe, this ain't fair.

All right. Go ahead.
Go on, stuff yourself.

Eat the pork chops,
have the bread, the peas.

Have dessert
Go on, gorge yourself.

Don't worry about the promise
you made to me.

Go ahead, lose the $500.

I've done everything I can do.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute,
hold your horses.

I didn't say I wouldn't
eat this rabbit food.

I'm just worried about
who's gonna pick me up

when I fall over in a dead faint
from hunger.

Hoss, you know you can count on me.

I'll be with you every minute...
until Saturday.

Yeah.

I reckon I could bet on that,
if you'll pardon the expression, Pa.

Joseph. Joe...

Have you ever thought
of going into politics?

Oh, Hoss, do you have to make
all that noise?

Ah!

What in tarnation
is going on down there?

Oh, nothing, Pa. It's all right.
Go back to sleep.

What are you doing down here?
Hmm?

What are you doing down here?

What are you doing down here,
Joseph?

It's too cold to sleep in my room
with the window broken.

And what is your excuse?

I came down hereto get
a drink of water.

A drink of water, my foot.

You came down hereto sneak some
food out of the kitchen, didn't you? Hm?

Heh, heh.
and you're sorry, aren't you?

Oh, you're not sorry?

I'm hungry, Joe.
Hungry, that's what I am.

And you are going to stay hungry
until the contest is over.

Now go upstairs and go to bed.

Hoss!

Coming, Pa.

Don't forget,
I'll be here all night long.

Right there.

Little Joe!

Yeah, Pa, I'm coming up.
I'm just straightening up.

You finish, Mr. Cartwright?

Yes, thank you, Hop Sing.

Joseph.
Huh!

Yeah, Pa. Yeah, Pa.

Look, either you eat your breakfast
or you go back to bed.

Either one, but do one of them,
will you?

I'm sorry, Pa. Sorry.

What with Hoss banging around
half the night.

I just didn't get much sleep.

Well, let me remind you,
young man,

that nobody got too much sleep
last night.

Everybody would have been
better off if you had stayed in bed

instead of sitting around
spying on your brother.

Morning, Pa.
Hmm.

Hop Sing,
you got any breakfast for me?

Hey, where's the apple?

Mr. Joe say apple only for supper.

Please.

Gentlemen,

listen to me,

I'm going to seek the peace
and quiet of the upper pasture.

And against my better judgment,
I am forced to send both of you

into Virginia City again

to get some more fencing, which we
need, and I'm going to count on you

to see that your young brother
keeps out of trouble.

That ain't always easy, Pa.
I'm making it your responsibility.

As for you, young man,

don't come home
without that Windowpane.

You know you can count on me, Pa.

I'm sure trying, son. I'm sure trying.

Excuse me.

All right, let's go.

I ain't finished my breakfast yet.

Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Hey, where are you going?
In the saloon.

Joe, I promised Pa
I'd keep you out of trouble.

Trouble? Who's getting into trouble?

I just got an idea
to get us out of trouble.

More trouble than
what we got out of yesterday.

Hey, don't forget the Windowpane.
The Windowpane.

Giddyap. Giddyap.

Hi, Sam.

You're getting to be
a regular customer.

How come you're back in town
again today?

Hess and I came in
to pick up some fencing.

Just killing time till he gets it ready.

Oh, that's hard work.
Waiting, I mean.

Ha, ha.
So have a beer.

I'll take you up on it, sounds good.

Well, if it ain't the big old spender
from the Ponderosa.

Heh, heh. What's on your mind, Trager,
besides the usual larceny?

I hear you got that big,
fat brother of yours

entered into the Flapjack Contest.

Yeah, that's right.

That big brother of mine
is gonna ruin you,

when you have to pay off
all those bets.

Is that so?
Yeah, that's so.

What do you think about that,
Big Ed?

Nothing.

That Hoss has been
eating so high on the hog

out there at the Ponderosa

that he ain't gonna be
no competition at all.

You gotta be poor to be hungry and
I ain't had a job in six months.

What do you think about that,
Cartwright?

I think your friend's head
is as fat as his belly.

I tell you why he hasn't worked in
six months, because he's lazy.

And that's why you're gonna lose
because my brother Hoss

is not only a big eater,
he's also a fast, ambitious eater.

You, uh, wouldn't be willing to put
your money where your mouth is?

Are you talking about another bet?

Now what else
would I be talking about?

Let's see, my confidence
in Big Ed was 5-10-1.

What's yours in that brother
of yours?

Well, I don't wanna terrify you, Trager,
so we'll leave it the same, 5-10-1.

Good. I'll put 500 against Hoss.
Mark it down.

Ha, sure.
Heh, heh.

Ah, let's see.

That's "five hundred
Five hundred, right.

Against Hoss Cartwright."
H-O-S-S.

Now you be sure to be here tomorrow
after the contest.

Oh, don't you worry. I'll be here
with a new and bigger wallet.

Thank you, sir.
You're very welcome.

You've been making more bets
to that tinhorn?

Shh.

Keep your voice down.

I don't want him to hear you.
He's liable to try to change his mind.

Oh, did I trap him.
Did I trap him into a bet! Ho-ho-ho.

What kind of trap?

See, I figure when Trager hears
you're entering the contest.

He's gonna start welching
on the bets with Big Ed.

Sol play like him frightened, see?

I'm worried about the competition.
So I get him to bet against you.

Joe, just how much you got riding
on this contest, anyhow?

If Big Ed loses, I get $500.

If you win I get another 500.

Five hundred and 500, that's the
thousand I need for Adam,

plus the 500 you get
for winning the contest.

We split that down the middle
and it's a nice little profit.

Yeah, yeah. What happens
if I lose and Big Ed wins?

Don't talk that way,
it makes me upset.

Yeah, well you just stay upset
until you can examine

the other side of that coin.

Well...

If Big Ed wins,
I lose a hundred dollars. Heh.

If Big Ed wins, that means I lose,
don't it? Then what?

Twenty. Twenty-five...

...hundred.

Twenty-five hundred dollars?
Plus that other--

Joe, are you crazy?!

Will you stop talking that way?

Don't talk that way, think how nice it's
gonna be when I win all that money.

Look what you're doing,
you're making me nervous.

Sam, let me have another beer.

Hey, uh, yeah, me too, Sam.

No, no, no, a glass of water.

What?
You heard me. A glass of water.

Look, Hoss, beer has hops in it.

It's filling, it's fattening.
Now, no beer.

Water.

Water, carrots and celery.
You're trying to kill me, ain't you, Joe?!

Will you keep your voice down?
Keep your voice down.

They're right there.
They're right there.

You know, that Little Joe,
he's a lot smarter than he looks.

But not as smart as you, Trager.

Prettier, maybe, but not as smart

Heh, heh, heh. You bet he ain't
as smart as I am. Now, listen.

Come on, finish your water.

Did you get that Windowpane?

Jake didn't have no more.

He what?

He didn't have no more of them.

After I bought that one yesterday,
the one you busted, he ran out.

He said he'd had a big run on them.

Oh, no.

Oh, Pa's gonna have my hide.

Well, I guess that's kind of my fault,
Little Joe.

What?
The windowpanes.

You know
the rooms I got upstairs?

Well, I've been renting them to out to
cowhands who can't afford the hotel.

Well, a couple of them got to
whooping it up a few nights ago

and broke five of them, so I had to go
over to Jake's and replace them.

Sam, I'll buy a Windowpane
from you.

I already got them set in the windows.

I'll take it out of the window.

Then how am I gonna rent the room?

Hey, how long did Jake say it would be
before he got another Windowpane?

He said it would be at least a week.

Sam, what do you get a night
for the rooms?

Fifty cents.
All right.

I'll buy the Windowpane from you.

I pay 50 cents a night till Jake gets
the new windowpanes in, a deal?

Heh, heh.
If it means that much to you.

Right.

I'll be right down.

Be strong, Hoss.

It ain't easy on water, Joe.
Ugh.

Sam, is this the strongest water
you got?

Hi, Lily.

Little early for work,
ain't you?

You run such a lovely place here,
Sam, I just can't resist it.

Hello, Hoss.
Howdy, Miss Lily.

What you got in the package?

Remember your birthday last month

when I forgot to get you a present?

Oh, that was all right, Lily,
I didn't mind.

Oh, well, I did.
And it's been bothering me ever since.

So today I got you a present.

Got it from Mrs. Hawkins,
it's her specialty.

What kind is it?

Lemon cream meringue.

I'd like you to have the first bite.

Lilly, that is the tastiest pie I ever ate.

I sure appreciate this, I surely do.

I'll go get some plates.

How about you, Hess?

No, thank you, Lily.

Hoss, what's the matter?
You're not sick or something.

I've seen you turn down
the best-looking girl in here,

but never something to eat.

Oh, come on, baby,
for Sam's birthday. Hm?

Now, cut that out, Lily.
Why?

What's wrong with a little bit of pie?
Ha, ha, ha.

Well, I promised Little Joe.

What's he got to do with it?
Don't worry.

We'll save him some.

No, that ain't it.
Oh, come on, honey.

If not for Sam,

then do it for Lil, huh? Please?

What's the big idea?

That's what I'd like to know,
what is the big idea?

Where'd the pie come from?

I bought it for Sam, for his birthday,
if it's any of your business.

Sam's birthday, my foot.
You're working for Trager, aren't you?

I haven't got the slightest idea
what you're talking about.

The heck you don't.
You've been going with Trager

ever since he came into town.

He paid you to tempt my brother,
didn't he?

I'm not that type of girl.

You're no pie maker either, Jezebel.

Why, the nerve.
No, Lily!

Cut that out.

Sam, I need another pane.

That means rent on another room.

Money is getting to mean less and less
to me all the time.

Will you leave it alone?
Come on, weakling.

Run in and see if see if Pa is here.
Whoa.

Whoo.

Made it.

Mr. Joe say you stay out of kitchen.

Mr. Cartwright say take fence
to upper pasture, chop-chop.

All right. All right.

Oh, Joe, Pa wants to
get that fencing up to the pasture.

I'll be with you in a minute.
I want to find a safe place for this.

Hurry it up. It's gonna be dark
before we get back.

Whoa.

Ah, let me see.

Fellows, you put my horse up,
I'm plumb tuckered out.

Right, Pa.

Come on, Hoss. Shake a leg
and get down from there.

About all I can do.

I'm all tired and tuckered out,
I'm gonna go in the house

and lay me down on that sofa.

The sofa!

Holy Toledo! The sofa!

Joseph!

Ow!

What's going down there?

I don't know, Pa. I think maybe
we caught a Hoss in a trap.

Hoss, what in tarnation's
going on down there?

Hoss, what's all that yowling about?

Ow! Pa, some little--

You were in the kitchen,
weren't you?

What were you doing?
Trying to steal some food?

Joe, my belly's so dang nippy
it's killing me. Argh!

And it's gonna stay that way
until after the contest tomorrow.

Yes, and it's a dang good thing
it is tomorrow.

One more night like this,
you'll both be out in the barn.

Now listen to me, get to bed!

Yes, sir.

Hurry up, fellows, let's go.

Yeah, we're coming, Pa.

What's that for?
Huh? Oh, that's for the pane of glass.

It would be cheaper to go ahead
and buy a whole glass factory.

Well, after you win that contest today,

Hoss, I just might be able to afford
a whole glass factory.

There, lie down and rest.

That's it.

I want him to save his strength
for the contest.

This I gotta see.

It will be some compensation
for the last few days, anyway.

Ladies and gentleman,
your attention please.

With all the contestants here,
we can begin.

Rules are simple.

The man who eats the most flapjacks
in an hour wins.

The hotel will keep them coming
from the kitchen.

Hey, Ira, what are you doing here?

You couldn't be over a
15- or 20-flapjack man.

You see, Hoss,
my wife's been away visiting her sister.

I ain't been eating so good.

So I figure this here would be
a good chance to store up. Ha-ha.

Plain or with something on them,
anyway you want.

Now if you'll all be seated and ready,
we'll begin.

One, two, three, go.

Take your time, you got a long time.

Don't worry about the competition,
just take it easy.

Come on, boy,
just keep thinking of that $500.

Just keep thinking about it, now.
Go ahead, boy.

Joseph?
Yeah, Pa.

Joseph, this contest
is taking exactly an hour.

So let's you and I get some errands
done in the meantime, huh?

Pa, don't you think I ought to stay?
Hoss might need some

syrup or something.
The hotel provides all those services.

Wanna get to the post office,
see if there's any mail from Adam

and you might try persuading Jake
to open up his shop

long enough to get that Windowpane.

He hasn't got any left.

Huh? Why'd you bring that mattress?

Oh, I've been getting them
from Sam at the saloon.

He's got a couple extra.

Well, you just get over to that saloon
and get an extra Windowpane, huh?

I'll meet you back here.
All right, Pa.

Howdy, Mr. Trager.
Howdy.

Be with you in a moment.
No hurry.

How's the contest going?
Just fine.

I do believe the whole town
is out there watching.

Yes, I know.

I was counting on watching myself
when the bank closed at noon,

but they went and upped
the starting time.

Yeah, I know.

All right, sir.
Now, what can I do for you?

Well, you can put the money
in this here valise.

What?

You holding up this bank?

And shoot the bank, if I have to.

Now you just do as I tell you
and you won't get hurt

What's that, Hoss?
My secret weapon, Ira.

Try it.
No!

Ain't got enough to go around.
Hoss.

Stop him! Stop him!

He robbed the bank!
Stop him!

Hey, sit down, sit down.
Wait here. You'll be disqualified.

It's one of Trager's tricks.

Are you sure?
Sure. Now sit down, start eating.

Go right on and eat.

All right. That does it!

What are you doing here?

Nothing, Joe.

Well, you'd just go to any lengths to
break a Windowpane, won't you?

Good job, boy, good job.
Thanks.

Trager robbed the bank.
He was trying to get away.

He, what?
Trager robbed the bank.

He was trying to get away.

You mean he's a crook?
Sure.

You saved the bank
thousands of dollars, boy.

Heh, but now I can't collect my bet.

You've just earned yourself
a $500 reward.

Come over the bank
and pick it up.

Joe, did you hear that?
Five hundred dollars.

Yeah. But that's only
half the loaf, Hoss.

Listen, that was a pretty slick job
you almost got away with there.

You are no ordinary bank robber,
are you?

What's your real name?
You might as well tell us.

We'll find out anyway,
soon as we get you to the jail.

Sure.

Cunningham.
Cunningham.

Ain't there a price on your head?

Best there is for bank robbing, $500.

Hey, Joe, you hear that?
Hey, this is your lucky day, Joe.

Five hundred dollars.

That 500 plus another 500,
that's a thousand you're looking at.

And the $500 you won
for winning the pancake contest.

Hey, Sam, where's my $500 at?

You haven't won yet, Hoss.

There's still one contestant
at the table.

Ira's still at the table

and in the remaining time,
if he eats more than you, he wins.

That danged Ira.
He ain't no bigger than my leg.

Yeah.

All right.
Let's get this jasper off to jail.

Well...

...tough luck, brother.

Wait, wait a minute, now.
Huh?

Where you going?

Over to the jail, see by my reward.
Uh-uh, first things first.

Pa, what's more important
than my reward?

A Windowpane.

Oh, come on, Pa,
for crying out loud.

You don't expect me to drop everything
just to get a--

A Windowpane.

A Windowpane.

Oh, by the way.

Got a letter from Adam,
he's coming in on today's stage.

That Little Joe,
he made it just in time.

What?
Nothing, Pa. Nothing.

Hi, Little Joe.

Hey, what was
all that shooting about?

All the shooting
was at your boyfriend, Trager.

He was robbing the bank while
everybody was at the contest.

No. How about that.

You can't trust nobody no more.

Hey, what's that?

A little trinket
that bank robber gave me.

Probably a phony.
Hey. Let me see that.

Yeah.
Oh!

I told you, a phony.

"Priceless ruby," he said.

Well, what did you break this time?

A ruby.

Not your brother Adam's ruby.

Yeah, they stole it from me
the other night.

They stole it?

Here comes the stage, Pa.

Joseph, your brother Adam
is in that stage.

I sure don't envy you
the trouble of having to tell him

that they stole his valuable ruby.

His, what?
Pa, this isn't a valuable ruby.

It's a phony. I was worried about
having to give Adam $1000.

I don't have to give him anything.
It's nothing.

You know your brother Adam.

He's gonna want that ruby

or whatever he paid for it,
in hard cash.

Oh.

There he is now.

Well, Ira, it looks like you done it.

I'm so full I'm gonna bust, Hoss.

You can't stop now,
just ten more minutes.

If you finish that plate,
you win the whole contest.

I'm gonna hate flapjacks
the rest of my life.

I just can't eat another bite.
Oh, sure you can.

Look, uh, since Little Joe is all set,

I ain't got no interest
in winning this contest no more.

So I'm gonna give you
my secret weapon.

Yes, sir.

You see what happens, if you eat
all of them sugars and them syrups,

it gets monotonous.

A man needs to shake up
his taste buds once in a while

with something like this.

What is it?
Vinegar.

Ugh!

Ira. Ira.

Thank you.

By the way, you get that package
I wrote to you about?

Oh, yeah, well, uh,

as a matter of fact, uh--
What's wrong? Didn't it arrive?

Yeah, yeah, it arrived. I'll buy it
from you for a thousand dollars.

Well, what in the world
would you want a ruby for?

Oh, haven't you heard?

Little Joe has become a collector of
rubies, windowpanes...

Well, you're out of luck
if you want my ruby.

Man on the stage offered me 1500.

What?

Now, give me the ruby or $1500.

Howdy, Adam.
Hey.

Hey, um, what's the matter with Ira?

Oh, poor little Ira took sick.

Hey, you mean you won
the contest?

Yeah, yeah, guess I did at that.

What contest?
What are you talking about?

Well, what they're talking about--
At lease what Little Joe is talking about

I think is, uh, money, hmm?

Adam here wants, uh, $1500
for that ruby.

Huh?

That's what the man said, $1500.

I'm $500 shod.

So, what you want
is my contest money, right, Joe?

Right.

The way I figured, Joe,

what you already owe me
and Sam, the bartender,

figured it will take you at least
a year to just get even.

I reckon that will be
a good lesson for you, little brother.

Oh, I doubt that very much.

I'd be willing to make a little wager

that your young brother here takes
more than a year to pay you off.

Oh, yeah? You giving any odds?
What's that, huh?

Oh, nothing.
I was only kidding you, Pa. Heh.

Just a joke. You know I don't bet.

Well, of course you don't,
and I know that. Heh, heh.

But what was that you said
a little while ago,

when Mr. Trager was taken
into custody,

about a bet being ruined?

And while we're at it, young fellow,

what about these poker-playing
activities of yours?

And then it--
Pa, Pa.

Why don't we just
talk about that later?

I got important things to do.

I gotta get that Windowpane
and I know that's important.

Oh! Hello.

I know you want that Windowpane
and I'm gonna get it. I promise you.

Excuse me. I'm gonna it.
I'm gonna get it fixed too, Pa.

I'm gonna fix it.

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