Original subtitles

Contessa, you're enchanting,

adorable, irresistible.

The Duke is too kind.

Marquessa, you're the most beautiful woman in Florence.

How fortunate your husband's regiment was ordered to Milano.

How thoughtful you were to order him there.

San Francisco?

But that's in America!

Your Majesty is sending me into exile!

Only temporarily,

to protect the women of Italy.

Your instructions.

B-but Sire, I appeal to you,

if I promise never to look at another woman...

Those instructions are orders!

Your Majesty's orders are my command.

Vittorio Rudolfo Carlos Antonio Giuseppe,

the Duke of Botticelli,

was the first man that ever joined my train

with a coat of arms painted on his wagon.

He rode up to the wagon train like a cavalier,

and he was something.

The world was his kingdom,

the wagon train his court,

and every woman his slave.

Believe you me, I had my hands full.

Good evening, Duke. Good evening.

Joseph says you requested an audience.

Well, I told him I was coming by and have

a little talk with you, yes.

You may sit down. Thank you very much.

You may leave us, Joseph.

Proceed.

Well, I guess there's no use beating around the bush with you.

"Beating around the bush"? Is there something in it?

No, that's an American expression.

It means I might as well come to the point.

Pardon me, my tutor of English was Greek, and very old.

Well, I'm trying to tell you that I want to be frank with you.

Now I understand. Please go on.

Well, Duke, I've been having some complaints about you.

Complaints?

It seems that you've been entirely too charming

to a lot of women on this train.

Too charming? Women are complaining?

No, the women aren't, but their husbands are.

But that's not possible.

I have not given them anything to complain about... yet.

American men don't like anybody else paying

compliments to their wives but themselves.

Then they should cover them from head to foot

and never permit them to be seen in public.

So far we haven't found it necessary to go to that extreme in this country.

But how can I pay a man any greater compliment than to admire his wife?

Do I not flatter his choice? Is she not the treasure of his house?

She is, and he doesn't want you or anybody else

making off with that treasure.

"Making off"? Are you suggesting I'm a barbarian?

I'm not suggesting anything!

I'm just trying to tell you

as politely as I know how

that since you've got half this wagon train in an uproar,

you're gonna have to stop it!

But why? I have tried to mingle with the people.

I am a modern.

I consider the theory that royalty must keep to itself

as completely outmoded.

I have treated the women as though they were of noble blood,

and the men as though they were noble.

That's very broadminded of you.

Not at all. I am in your country, and I live by its standards.

Tell me something...

Is it the custom in your country to flirt with married women?

Some things are international.

Ohh!

Tell me, Major Adams, is there a pain in your foot?

I've got a pain, but that's not exactly the location of it!

It will be. My father used to turn just that color before a gout attack.

I never had gout in my life, and don't try to change the subject!

Most people in this country like to think that marriages are made in heaven,

and they like to regard their women as sacred.

No wonder they seem so bored.

They're not bored. American wives are happy women.

Could you present me to a happy wife?

I'd love to meet one.

Listen, I'm telling you that one of these mornings

you're gonna wake up with a bullet in your back!

In my back?

I knew you were primitive, but somehow I thought you were also gentlemen.

Apparently you and I have different definitions of that word.

Now, I try to run a decent, law-abiding wagon train,

and I'm not gonna have murders or suicides

or international incidents on this train,

so I suggest you stop treating the wives of this train

like they were of royal blood

and treat them like they were common, ordinary folks.

Sir, I am a representative of the King of Italy.

If you have some instructions for me,

have your representatives contact the Italian ambassador.

Italian ambassador, my foot!

This is my jurisdiction, and I'm telling you

to keep your royal highness in or around this royal coach,

or I'll plant a royal boot on your royal britches!

But this is an affront!

Stay away from married women, and you won't be affronted!

The King will hear about this!

I hope he does! I'd like nothing better than to see you recalled!

You have my leave to withdraw!

It is amazing.

No one but the King has ever spoken to Your Grace this way,

and lived.

I cannot kill Adams. He's not of noble birth.

Well, Your Grace showed great restraint.

Too bad. There was a flirtation or two

that offered definite possibilities.

But Your Grace, a bullet in the back?

Quite right, Joseph.

These are not a civilized people. No more flirtations.

We will soon be as dull as the Americans.

Vittorio!

Vittorio, darling!

Mrs. Chambers!

I'm going to tell my husband everything.

Everything?

Do not dare to tell him anything. There is nothing to tell.

Well, we love each other.

Oh, cara mia, destiny has decreed that we must love in vain.

Why?

Because you're an American wife

married to an American husband,

and Major Adams is the keeper of the flame.

I'm going to run away with you.

You would hate yourself in the morning.

You don't love me.

I will always think of you with tenderness.

You want me to grow old without you?

Please do.

But I love you!

You've seen me at my best.

You will think I'm a beast when you know me better.

I think you're being a beast now!

See, then? You should be glad to be rid of me.

But it can't end like this! But it has.

It never began, and it most positively has ended.

I'll kill myself.

If you leave me, I'll kill myself.

Oh, it's sad that one so lovely should die so young.

But if that is your wish, I will help you in any way I can.

You'll help me?

At least I can offer you a choice of weapons.

What will it be... The pistol, the sword?

Unfortunately, I am completely out of poison.

Oh, you're contemptible!

Despicable! A miserable excuse for a man!

Yes, I am! I really am!

You found me out.

Oh, I hate you! I hate you!

How many times has Your Grace heard those same words,

and in how many different languages?

No more, Joseph. For the balance of this trip,

I am dedicated to the spartan life of a monk.

How will Your Grace ever pass the time?

Exercise, Joseph. Lots of exercise.

Good play, Joseph!

Perhaps this is my day to win!

En garde!

I spoke too soon!

What are they doing? Jousting.

Well, what's that?

It's a very ancient sport.

My father used to read to me about it.

I always wondered what it was like.

Looks pretty silly to me.

Silly? Well, it's a magnificent sport.

Look at them!

It takes great horsemanship, a keen eye,

and a powerful arm.

I bet I could do it.

Must take years to learn.

Have you thought about what I asked you? Hm?

Well, Major Adams said he'd married us if we didn't want to wait.

Oh, Todd, I never said I'd marry you.

Well, you never said you wouldn't.

I have never seen anything so exciting.

Well, if I had known you were watching,

I would have worn your colors.

Is he all right? Oh, yes. He's used to it.

Bested again.

Oh, no. You were wonderful.

Oh, but it wasn't good enough. I wanted to win.

I guess I'd better be going.

Yes, before your husband catches you talking to me.

I don't have a husband.

You are not married?

No.

Are you traveling west alone, Miss...?

Crail. Julie Crail.

Major Adams is a friend of my aunts.

He said he'd see me safely to Sacramento.

Well, come, walk with me and tell me all about it.

Well, there really isn't very much to tell.

When beauty speaks, the world must pause to listen.

That tune always makes my feet go.

All it does is make me tired. I think I'll turn in.

Come on, fiddles, you're speakin' my language!

Oww!

You confounded clumsy stew kettle of a cow!

I'm sorry. I only touched you.

You tramped right on my foot, and it's sore!

How come your foot's so sensitive? Are you getting the gout?

No, I'm not gettin' the gout! My horse stepped on me!

Don't bite my head off.

You know I've never had the gout.

What's the matter with you?

Ain't they a mighty handsome couple?

Confounded chaser, that's what he is.

He's a mighty handsome figure of a man, anyway.

Handsome is as handsome does.

Well, he's doin' mighty handsome for himself right now.

And that is the way we dance in my country.

Well, it feels like flying!

Silently, one by one,

in the infinite meadows of heaven

blossom the lovely stars,

the forget-me-nots of the angels.

You're quoting Longfellow.

That surprises you... One of your most distinguished poets?

Well, to find an American that would quote poetry would surprise me.

Americans baffle me... At least, American men.

Not women? No.

Between men and women, there's an ageless language.

You and I have no need of words.

My eyes ask a question, and your eyes answer.

My hands touch you, and touch a moment

beyond the words of poets.

My heart reaches towards you,

and your heart understands.

Julie, it seems to me it's a little late for you to be out.

Yes, Major Adams.

It's very late for a man with gout to be out.

I don't have gout!

Then why are you limping?

That's none of your confounded business!

I think this is the way Miss Crail and I feel about your intrusion...

None of your confounded business!

Runnin' this wagon train happens to be my business,

and so is the safety of everybody on it.

Julie, go back to your wagon, please.

I will see Miss Crail back to her wagon.

I'd like to have a few words with you alone!

Then see Joseph tomorrow and arrange for an audience.

Audience, my foot!

I'll talk to you right now!

Julie, please.

Of course, Major Adams.

But this is outrageous!

Thank you for a lovely evening, Vittorio.

Buona notte, cara mia.

I'm sorry it had to end this way.

Good night.

How dare you interfere with my personal life!

I am a member of the House of Botticelli,

nephew to the King of Italy,

son of the Duke of Florence, and you,

you are a meddling upstart!

You can save those fancy words as far as I'm concerned.

I don't care who your uncle is or what your title is,

you leave Julie Crail alone!

But why? She has no husband!

She has me.

I do not quite know how to interpret that remark.

Well, I'll make it galdarn clear for you.

Julie is a nice girl, and I'm not gonna stand by and see you ruin her life!

Ruin her life! A small flirtation?

Small flirtations, huh?

Julie doesn't understand the small flirtations of people like you.

She's the daughter of a village schoolmaster,

and she's been sheltered all her life.

In this country, we try to protect our young women!

Protect them? You smother them!

I'm not gonna argue with you.

Either you do as I tell you, or you get off of this train.

Sir, you are dictatorial, unreasonable, unfair,

and in complete violation of the Italian-American treaty!

You're a bounder and a chaser!

You are defaming my character!

Oh, no. You took care of that yourself a long time ago.

Now, what's it gonna be? You gonna leave Julie alone, or are you gonna turn back?

I am under orders from the king of Italy to travel to San Francisco

and carry out certain instructions.

I am therefore forced to accept your conditions.

All right, see that you remember them.

I wish I was home! I wish you'd never left home!

Your Grace,

please try to remember, this is an exercise, not a fight to the death!

Defend yourself!

Suddenly you hate me! I hate everyone!

Come on, Charlie, what are you doing?

What in tarnation's going on out there?

They're fighting a duel.

On Sunday? Yeah.

Why didn't you stop them?

Because they're playing with sharp toys, that's why.

You're just a born coward, aren't you?

Well, I'm still alive.

Well, I'm not a coward, and I'm still alive.

Hey, they stopped.

You'd better go see which one needs patching up.

You put up a good fight, Joseph.

Naturally.

I was defending my life.

And now the crossbow.

Now? Oh, but Your Grace,

now I can't lift the crossbow.

All the better, Joseph.

You're not only building muscles, you're building character.

Oh, but Your Grace, an hour's rest

would do wonders for my character.

You may rest tonight, Joseph.

Hey, Major, that Duke's a fine-looking man, isn't he?

I'm gonna dance at his wedding.

Wedding? Huh! Yeah, when he marries Miss Julie.

He's never gonna marry Miss Julie. You wanna make a bet?

Charlie, dukes don't marry little girls like Julie.

Major, have you ever read "Cinderella"?

Oh, don't be any more ridiculous than you look!

Ow. Easy.

Major, this don't look like no horse stepped on you to me.

It looks like the gout. Gout!

What's the matter with you and Hawks?

You're beginning to sound like His Lordship!

I tell you, my horse stepped on me!

I never had the gout in my...!

Say, by golly, maybe I am gettin' the gout.

Maybe you are.

And if I am, you gave it to me.

How could I give it to you? I don't even have it myself.

That slumgullion you been feedin' me! It's enough to kill anybody.

Slumgullion, huh?

Major, you're the best-fed wagon master on the whole trail.

Oh, shut up and go to work!

Still think you've got the gout.

Ow!

Whaddya got in that bottle? It's burnin' me up!

Just my horse liniment. I'll stop anytime you say to.

Well, rub, but rub easy!

Can I talk to you a minute, Major Adams?

Sure.

All right, Todd, but you're on your own.

Here, put some of this on him. Might help.

I-it's about Julie.

Well, Todd, if you want to know what I think,

I think the quicker you and Julie get married, the better off you'd be.

Well, she won't marry me.

She hardly even talks to me anymore.

All she thinks about is that duke.

Hmm.

Charlie! Yes, sir.

Go get Julie Crail. Tell her I want to talk to her.

I was just gettin' ready to soak my rubbin' arm, Major.

I want to talk to her right now!

All right, goutie. What's that?

I didn't say nothin'. Just mumblin', just mumblin'.

One of these days...!

Todd, don't you worry about Julie.

I'll straighten her out.

Now, you go on. Don't worry.

This is outrageous!

Julie, don't you start talking like His Lordship.

Well, it is outrageous.

Last night you sent me to my wagon like a spoiled child,

and today you're saying that...

I'm just trying to tell you what kind of a man this is.

I'm trying to say to you what I think your father would say if he were here.

No.

My father would say take what life holds out

and live it to the fullest.

Major Adams, I've never been so happy in my life.

How can you spoil it for me?

Spoil it? Julie, I just don't want to see you hurt!

It seems that all my life my heart has been asking a question,

and at last I've found the answer.

I'm telling you, this kind of a man can break your heart!

Well, before he came, I didn't even know I had one!

Now, Major Adams, this is my life.

Please let me live it.

Ohh, women!

Women. Problems!

Major, why are you trying to change the course of true love?

Change it? I'm trying to save it, galdurn it!

Julie's a nice young girl. She's got her whole life ahead of her.

She belongs with a boy like Todd.

Well, she don't like him.

Well, she can learn to like him once she settles down.

She wants a silk purse,

and you're trying to get her to settle for a sow's ear!

I'm tryin' to get her to settle for reality,

and not a lot of galdurn romantic nonsense!

Listen, her father was one of my best friends,

and he's not here to protect her, and by golly... Oh!

I still think you ought to keep your foot out of other people's business.

Indians! Indians!

Oh, that's not an Indian arrow! Will you be quiet!

It ain't?

Just what in tarnation do you think you're trying to do now?

It's just a little crossbow practice.

His Grace misfired.

Crossbow?

What kind of Indians use them?

Oh, those are not the weapons of Indians,

they are the weapons of gentlemen.

Gentlemen?

In the days of King Arthur's court,

when knighthood was in flower.

Well, they don't belong on a wagon train,

so you tell His Highness

to put his nasty little toys away!

His Grace must have something to occupy his time.

Hasn't His Grace got any simple pursuits?

Only exercise,

and I must say, if he doesn't slacken off,

I'll not be able to shave his whiskers.

Can't he even shave himself?

Royalty does not need to know how to shave.

Doesn't royalty know how to do anything except make trouble?

Royalty knows how to be royal!

Well, you tell His Lordship to do his royal cross-bowing

someplace out of range of these wagons!

Good afternoon, Vittorio.

Good afternoon, Miss Crail.

Well, it was Julie last night.

Major Adams feels that we should remain on a more formal footing.

You think that's up to Major Adams to decide?

Isn't it?

I should think it would be between you and me.

The Major points out, justifiably enough,

there are certain differences in attitudes

between your country and mine.

Well, there are many, but I don't see why...

He also points out that you are young and inexperienced.

And you are young and experienced.

Precisely.

The truth will out.

I tried to reassure him.

I said, "Miss Crail and I both realize"

"that this is a flirtation,

an escapade."

I never should have used the word "escapade."

Well, why not, if you like the word?

It is delightful...

So delightful that I am surprised to find it

in the United States' language.

Americans have no understanding of such a word.

You're so serious about everything.

An escapade is gay, a brief, lovely moment

between two people that suddenly realize

that today is important because tomorrow they must part.

It is a very European philosophy.

Well, it's not unknown in this country.

We consider the art of pursuing a light romance a grace.

Major Adams considers it a vice.

Major Adams is really very young.

I agree. I am centuries older.

Sometimes I feel like Major Adams' grandmother.

Now, there's a feeling you should try to resist.

I don't know why Major Adams concerned himself.

There are many things the same in every country.

But this is not a country. It's a wilderness.

Well, even so,

Your Grace is protected by the international code of behavior.

Oh, now, don't worry.

I know the game, and I know all the rules.

Keep the light touch always,

as you say hello and as you say goodbye.

Goodbye, Your Grace.

I could not help overhearing.

She is a very intelligent girl.

She understood perfectly.

She did not understand at all.

I've made a lifelong study of women, and I tell you,

she did not understand at all.

There's one thing you must say about this wagon train...

We are not one big happy family.

Your Grace certainly is not the life of the party tonight.

You're becoming too much of a philosopher, Joseph.

If it does not stop, I shall have you beheaded.

They do not allow you to behead unworthy servants here in America.

I will send you home, where they do.

Could Your Grace by any chance be falling in love?

Don't be ridiculous! I never fall in love!

Whoa.

You might have been killed.

Julie.

Has Your Grace made his move yet?

Queen's knight to king's five.

Aha!

What do you mean "aha"?

Put my queen on white bishop four.

Have you made the move yet?

Are you sure you want to make that move?

Of course.

Guarde. Your queen is in jeopardy.

I may take your queen.

But Your Grace knows that's impossible.

That would put you in check.

You cannot win that way.

If I lose my queen, I cannot win either.

Good evening, Signore.

Call me Vittorio. It is easier.

Well, Vic would be easier still.

It's a liberty, but, uh, take it.

Sonny, it's not a liberty in our country.

It's a sign of friendship.

I heard you saved Julie's life this afternoon.

I came over here to thank you for it.

That's not necessary. I didn't do it for you.

I know that you and I don't always see eye to eye,

but you sure made the right play this afternoon.

Well, thank you.

I'm glad I finally made the team.

Hey, uh, tell me, are you red or white?

Unfortunately, white.

As you can see, I'm trapped.

Lost my queen.

Wait a minute. Maybe not.

Move your king's knight to bishop's 3,

then you've got red in check.

Check!

Joseph, you're in check!

And my next move, checkmate!

But Your Grace has brought in reinforcements.

I must have time to think.

Thank you.

You know, Vic, that little girl Julie,

she's in love with you.

I am in love with her.

You are? Well, that's wonderful.

Wonderful? It's terrible.

It's the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me.

Well, you may suffer for a while, but you'll survive.

It's nothing to joke about. It's a catastrophe.

A few years' marriage will be just what you need.

I cannot marry Julie, Major Adams.

You... you what?

No, it's out of the question.

Well, why?

It's beyond American comprehension.

Listen, sonny, there's nothing wrong with American comprehension.

My love is mine to give, and it's hers.

My life, unfortunately, is not.

Why not?

It is pledged to a king.

Well, I wouldn't know about that.

I wish it could be otherwise.

I wish I could offer Julie what Todd can...

His name, his honor, a piece of land,

all the mornings of his life, the nights, the stars.

I have nothing that is mine to offer,

except a hopeless love.

You know, Vic, uh...

when I first saw you, I didn't think much of you.

You were right.

No, I think I was a little bit hasty.

I'll admit I don't understand your problem, so I can't help you much,

but if I could, I would.

No one can help me.

You know, I am like the red king...

I am in check, and the next move, checkmate.

Your queen is still free.

She's the most powerful piece on the board.

It's too late for the queen.

Too late.

Well, the way I see it,

the queen is still in the game.

Ho!

Whoa!

Howdy.

Signore.

I am looking for the Major Adams wagon train.

I'm Seth Adams. This is my train.

Ah, this is good news.

I have come all the way from San Francisco to find your party.

San Francisco?

You came from San Francisco with that outfit?

Oh, no, I came on the overland stage,

but at the last way station,

I heard your wagon train was due,

and I rented this coach.

Is the Duke di Botticelli with your party?

Yeah. He's about ten wagons back.

Thank you, Signore. You are most kind.

Better show him, Bill.

All right.

Ho!

MAN: Hyah!

Hyah, get up there!

Hyah!

And so, His Majesty has relented.

You mean I don't have to get married?

I mean your exile has ended. You are summoned home.

Oh.

You are not very flattering.

Nothing personal, Veronique.

I have not seen you since you were 6.

I have grown since then.

Yes, you've filled out nicely.

Under other circumstances,

I'm sure I would find you very attractive.

You mean circumstances other than marriage?

Precisely.

It may not be so bad, Vittorio.

In time, we may even become friends.

The chances for that are better if we do not marry.

His Majesty has summoned you home for a royal wedding.

He wishes to honor both our houses.

Nonsense. He just wants to be in at the kill.

Sir, on behalf of my daughter, I resent...

Father, don't get stuffy.

Vittorio is just trying to be amusing.

Veronique, you could not possibly want to marry me.

The last time we were together, you pushed me down a well.

Oh, how marvelous! How could you possibly remember?

I still have the scars.

You two young people will have a splendid life.

You have 500 years of Italian history in common.

And nothing to talk about.

Your great-great- great ancestors

fought side-by-side.

But most the battle be continued?

It is a good marriage... Two fine old houses like ours?

We're talking about marriage, not a real estate transaction.

Poor Vittorio.

I'm afraid our arrival was something of a shock.

You thought we were still safely in San Francisco.

Well, I must admit that is true.

I thought I still had at least 1,000 miles

to get used to the idea of marriage.

You really do hate the whole idea, don't you?

Well, uh,

something awkward has happened.

I have fallen in love.

You do that rather frequently, do you not?

As a matter of fact, it has never happened to me before.

Oh, Vittorio, I am sorry.

Does she love you?

Naturally.

Does she know about you and me?

Somehow, I have never gotten around to telling her.

Ah, that's too bad.

I'm afraid she's going to resent me.

Well, maybe she will understand.

You will want to bring her with us, of course.

How can you suggest such a thing?

You said you loved her.

When you love an American, you marry them.

It's their way of life.

Dear me, I'm afraid I am in the way.

Now, Vittorio,

don't waste any more time with father and me.

You must want to spend your last hours with her.

It's all so involved. What can I tell her?

Come right out with the truth.

Tell her you are obeying the orders of your king.

She will not understand. She has not known a king.

Perhaps you could tell her

that the arrangement was made by our fathers when we were born.

She will not believe that.

American fathers do not tell their daughters who to marry.

Well, of course, it is still a very young country.

I simply do not know how to tell her.

Begging Your Grace's pardon,

perhaps you should consult an American for the proper procedure.

Joseph,

that is a very respectable idea.

Thank you, Your Grace.

There is someone we can go to.

He always seems to know exactly what I should do, about everything.

This is who?!

My, um, fiancée.

Your what?!

His fiancée.

Fiancée?!

I'm sorry!

You're everything I ever told you you were

before I changed my mind,

and I shouldn't have changed it!

Kill me. I want to die.

You don't deserve to die!

You're gonna live and suffer!

Tear me limb from limb. Put me on the rack.

Oh, shut up!

Major Adams,

we have come to you for advice.

You see, Vittorio's friend does not know about me,

and someone must tell her.

Well, don't look to me!

Why didn't you tell Julie that you were engaged?

I was afraid she would not understand.

You were afraid she would, and you'd get your walking papers!

Walking papers?

You need papers for everything in this country.

Major Adams,

please do not be angry.

It is not Vittorio's fault.

You see, the king has ordered him to marry me.

Well, then, let the king come and tell Julie.

He is not here. You are.

There's no sense in me telling her; I've told her before!

Well, someone's got to do it.

I-I cannot tell her.

I'm emotionally involved.

Shall I tell her?

After all, I am a woman.

Darling, you are the other woman.

Perhaps I could explain.

How can you explain it? You're the other woman's father!

Oh.

Well, what are we going to do?

I don't know, but she's got to be told.

I guess we'll just have to draw straws.

Whoever gets the shortest match does the telling.

This Julie, is she a very emotional young woman?

All women are emotional.

You do not think she will kill herself?

But of course she will kill herself!

She won't take it easy, I'll tell you that.

Here. Draw.

Ladies first.

Count.

After you.

Go ahead and draw!

I'll take what's left.

Julie...

there's something I must tell you.

I know.

You have to go away.

You know?

I knew the moment I saw the coach arrive.

Yes, but that is not all.

You're getting married.

Did you know that too when you saw the coach arrive?

I knew that tomorrow had come,

and the end of the escapade.

No, don't. Don't use that word.

Why?

It's a delightful word...

A lovely, brief moment in time.

You said so yourself.

I have never loved anyone else.

I never will.

There's nothing brief about that.

You and I were meant to know each other for only a moment.

We both know that.

So much has changed. Nothing has changed.

You don't love me.

Love you?

I'll remember you all my life.

Then why are you able to say goodbye so happily?

Well...

I feel that in these past few weeks,

I've found more happiness

than most people find in a lifetime.

Oh, Julie.

Julie, I don't want to leave you.

But you must.

You're a duke, and subject to orders from your king.

But you are my happiness, my life.

I cannot lose you.

Vittorio,

don't... don't spoil things.

We met on a note of laughter. Let's part the same way.

You say it so simply,

as though it were easy.

Decisions are easy

when there's no other choice involved.

You and I are from two different worlds.

We met briefly on this path between those worlds.

But we were always going in different directions, Vittorio.

Only in a fairy tale can a prince ride off with his Cinderella

on a white charger.

And I thought it was going to be so difficult to say

you're so much wiser than any of us.

Perhaps...

wiser but sadder.

Goodbye, my darling.

I will always miss you.

And I will remember that once, when I was young,

I knew a prince, and I loved him.

And he loved you.

Charlie, that's another dollar you owe me.

He's headin' for Italy.

Doggone it. Royalty sure let me down.

Charlie, you're too old to believe in fairy tales.

Yeah, and I'm disillusioned too, I'll tell you that.

I thought he was a real Prince Charming.

I told you the boy for Julie was Todd.

You give me a silk purse, and then bring in Todd.

I'm bitter!

Well, I'm kind of sorry myself, I guess, I'll have to admit it.

Whoa!

DRIVER: Whoa!

He won't say anything. He's been like that for hours.

My dear boy, what is the trouble?

She must have been absolutely terrible to him.

What did she say, Vittorio?

She said she understood.

That's wonderful!

How dare she!

How dare the daughter of a village schoolmaster

presume to understand the son of a duke?

Which isn't easy for anyone.

She gave me my walking papers, that's what she did!

She patted me on my head and sent me on my way,

like a schoolboy!

How very clever of her.

She told me my duty is to the king. She told me!

How dare she tell me where my duty lies!

I agree with you, dear boy. It was your place to tell her!

She never gave me a chance.

She told me my whole romance was an escapade!

She did? Hm! Hm!

The daughter of a village schoolmaster!

"Laugh as we say goodbye," she said. "Laugh!"

My heart is breaking, and she wants to laugh.

Would you rather she had cried?

Yes! It was the least she could do under the circumstances.

How dare she dismiss me, and laugh as she's doing it!

In 500 years, no woman has ever dismissed a duke of the House of Botticelli!

By the king's beard, one cannot help but admire her.

Admire her?!

By the king's beard, I hate her!

As much as you love her?

Every bit as much.

Mm. I don't know how you could bear to leave her.

If she can bear to have me leave her, I can bear to leave her.

Cheer up.

She's probably crying her eyes out this moment.

Anybody home?

Ah, come in, Signore Wooster.

Well, what are you doing here?

Oh, just being neighborly.

I promised Joseph I'd bring him over my recipe for Wooster stew.

How's every little thing over here?

Great. How's every little thing over there?

Oh, Miss Julie? She was laughing up a storm when I left.

Good for her.

She's got a good little head on her shoulders.

She don't waste no time crying over spilt milk.

So we gathered.

She explained to me all about your engagement,

just as nice as could be.

I'm glad she understands.

You know, she's kind of swung around to your way of thinking.

She says love has nothing to do with marriage.

She does not mean that!

Gonna be married herself today.

What?!

Yep. Major ought to be

tying the knot in about an hour.

Good luck, Vittorio!

Two fine old houses like ours.

It's too bad.

Maybe now I will have a chance to marry for love!

What are you doing?

You're getting married today!

How dare you laugh at me!

Well, I'm sorry, Your Grace!

Just who do you think you're marrying?

I hope I'm marrying you.

You knew I'd come back! Well, I hoped you would.

You all knew I'd come back!

Well, we sort of figured that way.

Well, if I had known,

I would have saved myself a horrible night

and a worse morning.

We're ready for the ceremony if you are.

Just like I said...

Cinderella can marry her Prince Charming.

Sometimes you have to give 'em a little push, that's all.

Yep.