Original subtitles

What can I do for you, ma'am?

I'm Elizabeth McQueeny.

I've just arrived here, and I've been told

you're the only man who can help me.

I sure will do what I can for you, Madame.

I've also been told that you drive a very hard bargain.

I'm a businessman... a good one.

Can you outfit me

to join the wagon train when it forms here?

Completely.

I want only the finest of things.

Heh heh. And what will your needs be, Madame?

I want anything and everything necessary

for a trip on the wagon train.

Consider your needs satisfied.

I do. And I want you to multiply my requirements by ten.

Pardon me?

I want everything...

for a trip on the wagon train...

multiplied by ten.

Multiplied by ten?

Yes, ma'am.

And what did you say your name was?

Madame Elizabeth McQueeny.

Madame Elizabeth McQueeny.

"Major Seth Adams, this will serve

"to introduce Madame Elizabeth McQueeny.

"Madame McQueeny is to be given every assistance and consideration,

"just as if this were a government-sponsored project.

Colonel Horace DuBrown."

Well, my dear Madame, it appears

that you have some influential friends in Washington.

I lived in Washington for over three years,

and one does accumulate a few friends.

Just what is this project they refer to?

A girls' finishing school.

Huh?

Madame, the new territory

needs a lot of things,

but a girls' finishing school is not one of them.

Major, you aren't one of those barbarians

who doesn't believe in culture?

Why would a young girl want to go west to school?

Men.

I beg your pardon?

Some of the country's most capable men

will be going west to seek their fortunes,

and some of them will be lucky.

And some of them will be marrying cultured young ladies?

Perhaps.

Madame, you are fooling yourself.

Major Adams, I would like to present

my young ladies... Roxanne.

Enchanté.

McQUEENY: Danielle.

Bonjour, monsieur.

Elaine.

Delighted.

Mila.

MILA: Pleasure meeting you, Major Adams.

Jeannie.

Buenos días.

Joyce.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

Mary. It's a pleasure.

Anna.

Hello.

And Diana. How do you do?

How do you do?

Bonjour. Good morning.

What does that mean? I don't know.

Better find out. Come on, let's go.

Bonjour.

This is an Elizabeth McQueeny wagon?

Heh. Yes, but don't you address her familiar like.

Why? What do you call her?

You are a country bumpkin.

"Madame" is the only way you dare address

anyone of her station.

Yes, miss.

I mean, Madame.

Not me.

You call me Roxanne.

All right, Stanley, get up in the wagon. Mind your manners.

You get paid to drive the team, not entertain the young ladies.

Yes, sir.

Wagons ho!

Giddyap there!

Is it hard to drive a team?

Can you handle the horses

and talk at the same time?

Why don't you?

Are you traveling with your mom and dad?

You're lucky. My mom and dad are dead.

I'm sorry.

MAJOR: Madame Elizabeth McQueeny and her girls

had been with the train only a week,

and I knew I couldn't put it off any longer.

I had to have a talk with our schoolteacher

about her young ladies,

before of the things that I knew could happen, happened.

But I waited too long.

Silvester! You take your arms off me...

or I'll tear your ears off you!

You let me get my hands on her!

The name is Danielle Duval.

You put a finger on me, you'll rue this day.

You cat, you!

You thought you'd get away with it...

Leading my husband astray!

Oh, you've got a wild mind,

you dried-up old biddy!

I'll teach you never to speak to a married man again!

Oh, Silvester's no man. He's a little mouse.

All right, all right.

Break it up, or I'll whup the two of you!

Cut it out!

You don't belong here!

You foreigner, you!

♪ Allons enfants de la Patrie ♪

♪ Le jour de gloire est arrivé ♪

ROXANNE: ♪ Allons enfants de la Patrie ♪

♪ Le jour de gloire est... ♪

Mademoiselle Duval.

You have made enough of a spectacle of yourself for one night.

Oh, Madame, it is not all like it seems.

McQUEENY: We will discuss that later.

I did not want to make a scene.

She accuses me, and it was her husband who wanted to talk.

Even so, that does not excuse you.

Tout le monde.

Major Adams, I would like to apologize

for the manners of my young ladies.

In the morning, I will be more than willing

to apologize to all the others.

Madame McQueeny.

I've got to talk to you.

Well, of course, whenever it pleases you.

Now?

Very well.

All right, the show's all over.

Go on about your business.

Bill, I'd give a silver dollar to hear that.

Charlie, you'd give all the teeth you have left

if he catches you, too.

Come in, Major.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

If this is the way a schoolmarm lives,

I'll eat my saddle.

Major, if you don't think I'm a schoolmarm,

what do you think I am?

A lady of the theater.

You're very perceptive.

My life has been the theater.

That's not exactly a place

where a lady can gain respect, is it?

Major...

I wouldn't change one moment of it...

for any of the blessings of respectability.

Then what's the idea of all this hogwash

you've been telling me about starting

a finishing school for girls?

Well, the theater might be called...

a finishing school.

I might call the theater a lot of things.

But what I really want to know is what you are hiding.

Well, my friends from Washington

suggested that I travel under the guide of, shall we say,

a less colorful occupation.

Why?

Major, would you have wanted us on your wagon train

if you'd known we were of the theater?

My dear Madame, my position on this wagon train

is such that I...

The day will come, Major...

when women will stand alongside of men

in any field, without shame or apology.

Those are mighty fine words, indeed.

But just what do you intend to do in the Far West...

Stand alongside the men and dig for gold?

Hardly.

But I feel the West offers tremendous opportunities...

New wealth, new thinking,

and my business will flourish.

You haven't yet told me what that business is going to be.

I am an impresario.

I intend to open a palace of entertainment.

Then these young ladies of yours are...

dancing girls?

The finest I could find and train.

They will help me make McQueeny's Palace

as famous as, uh... well, your Rocky Mountains.

Was there ever a woman impresario before?

Well, any woman is an impresario,

if she chooses to entertain a man.

Well, I hadn't looked at it exactly in that way.

But you'll be entertaining a lot of men.

I am a lot of woman.

Major...

you're very upset. Don't deny that.

I'm familiar with this problem.

Let me explain something to you.

We're entertainers because there's something inside us

that makes us that way...

Very much like the man who wants to be a doctor or a priest.

We're what we want to be.

And someday, the people of the world

will progress enough in their thinking

not to curse us for what they don't know

or understand.

Good night, Major.

Good night, Madame.

MAJOR: Madame McQueeny said it...

She was a lot of woman.

In the cool, gray light of morning,

I realized Madame McQueeny was a lot of problems, too...

for a wagon master who has to measure miles

in profits versus problems.

I didn't look forward to the sun setting

and having to face my problems.

Major Adams!

Major!

Stanley, what are you doin' out...

There's Indians out there in the woods!

Don't let it bother you. I'll take care of it.

Folks, there may be some Indians out here.

They're perfectly friendly, so don't let it bother you.

Sure, go. Bring him in.

Put those rifles down.

You understand that Indian sign language, mister?

No. You do.

You bet I do.

Do you believe those Indian lies

over a white man's word?

You don't look like much of a white man to me, anyway.

I'll tell you what I think you are...

later.

From what I've seen of you,

I don't think there'll be any later for you on this train.

Just what did those Indians tell you?

They told me you were a thief.

You stole silver and a squaw.

Heh heh. What did I tell you?

Lies.

They've got no silver.

They've got squaws.

The squaw?

She followed me.

Rain in the Face thought she was worth a new gun.

I'll tell you something, mister...

Count.

Count?

Count what?

Count Robert de Falcone.

Oh, I'm really impressed.

I tell you what I'm gonna do with you, mister...

Bill, Charlie... see this fella has enough provisions

to get him to Fort Bridger.

Not even a kind word?

Yeah, one. Move.

It just occurred to me...

Perhaps I ought to join your wagon train.

Not a chance.

My blood will be on your hands.

I get lost easily.

All right, you go ahead and get lost.

But I'm sure if you go the wrong direction,

Rain in the Face will find you.

Can you drive a team?

My dear Madame...

my bloodline is directly from Ben-Hur.

Major, I could use this man.

Madame McQueeny, I assure you

that this desert rat

will cause you nothing but trouble.

I am Elizabeth McQueeny.

Which is our wagon, Liz?

You know, Bill, I'll bet if they had schoolmarms

like Liz McQueeny in my day,

I'd have learned a lot more.

Well, you might've learned something.

How do you suppose she knows

when a girl's finished?

They all look finished to me.

Charlie, did I hear you right?

I don't know what you heard, Major.

All I said is, they didn't build schoolmarms like that in my day.

Did you call her Liz?

That's her name, ain't it?

No, it ain't it!

That count called her Liz right off.

You call her Liz once more,

and if she doesn't chew you up, I will.

What are you gettin' your feathers all ruffled up about?

The count got a nice, tender look from her

when he called her Liz.

Her eyes got all soft, like a newborn calf.

You just keep on talkin',

and your eyes will need a fresh streak.

Do you think he's a real, honest-to-goodness count?

Ah!

I don't know what a count is, but I'll bet he ain't it.

He's a no-account, I'll tell you that.

And Madame Elizabeth McQueeny

is a fool to be taken in by him.

That isn't nice. You're acting especially ornery,

even for you.

Major, you keep on worryin' about Liz and the count,

and you'll get a bad case of heartburn.

You porcupine! You polecat!

If you once more mention her name, I'll...

Major Adams?

Yes, ladies, I'll be with you in just a minute.

Listen to me, you two.

I don't give a goldarn what you call anybody else on this train,

but when you address me,

you address me with the proper respect. Is that clear?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

All right!

Sir.

Now, what can I do for you ladies?

I have been selected to speak

for our citizens' committee.

Congratulations.

I shall get right to the point.

Please do.

The Society for the Protection

of Morals and Manners...

She sounds just like one of them

Washington, D.C. talking committees.

You hold your talking!

Yes, sir.

Now, just what was it you were talking about?

Protecting who?

Our society had a meeting,

and after careful examination of all the facts,

we voted unanimously

that Madame Elizabeth McQueeny and her girls

shall be requested to leave this wagon train.

Since we are ladies and not savages,

we further decided that you may elect the time

to put them off

that would be least dangerous to their physical welfare.

That's very thoughtful of you.

Just make sure that it's soon.

Why don't we just tar and feather them?

Now, that's just what I said, Major.

If you don't mind, just what in Sam Hill

did your society... Your kangaroo court...

Decide that these ladies had done?

Major, try to remember

that we have paid you

to accept certain responsibilities...

Like a mayor of a town.

And we thought that this was a courtesy,

letting you handle this matter.

But if you continue to display masculine emotions,

we shall be glad to settle the matter

completely through our own hands.

Would it be asking too much

for you to tell me what the facts are that you mentioned?

We should never have discovered it,

if it weren't for my son Stanley.

Well, you must be very proud of Stanley.

Madame Elizabeth McQueeny

is not a schoolmistress.

She is in show business,

and once herself entertained

practically all the royal heads in Europe.

She made a fortune and opened her own establishment

in Washington, D.C.

She not only had the gaudiest saloon and gambling,

she had dancing girls from all over the world.

Imagine!

I'll try.

Just which girl told all this to Stanley?

Roxanne. Hmm.

Are you sure Roxanne wasn't fooling Stanley?

Do you think that that type of girl

could fool my Stanley?

My husband had them figured right off.

Yes, so I noticed.

Since men are incapable of defending themselves

against this type of woman,

we will do it for them.

I'll handle this, ladies.

Just don't you throw the first stone.

Teacher!

What a nerve.

All she can teach is how to dance the can-can.

Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle!

The count is impossible enough

without spoiling him any more.

Allons-y.

COUNT: You've all been such dears. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

COUNT: Now, now, my dear Liz.

I do believe you are exquisitely jealous.

No one has ever dared to call me Liz before.

No one?

No one.

And you needn't think you can hoodwink me...

like you do those... Those infants.

Hmm.

Do I look like the kind of a man

that would take advantage of a woman?

Definitely. I knew I made a mistake

the moment I hired you.

Good. I knew we were made for each other

the moment I accepted your offer.

Offer?!

Now, Liz...

a lady never raises her voice.

I should give you back to the Indians.

What do you think I am, your slave?

You can handle me like dirt on a prairie.

I'll treat you as I like.

You'll treat me as Count Roberto de Falcone.

Ha ha! "Count".

No count.

That does it, Liz.

I quit! From now on, you can drive your own wagons.

Roberto.

Yes?

You're really very sweet.

Come here...

slave.

Madame McQueeny?

Yes, Major?

I have something very important to talk to you about.

Well, come in, Major.

Thank you.

Madame, I'm very sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear.

How come you let a fella like that call you Liz?

Was that the important thing you had to talk to me about?

No, ma'am. I came here to tell you

that you've got to leave this wagon train.

Really? Yes, really.

There isn't a soul on the train

that doesn't know all about you being in show business.

I thought that was to be our little secret, Major.

I told no one.

But it seems that one of your girls

thought she could trust a young boy on the train,

and that young boy's mother has formed a vigilante group.

And so the mother...

didn't want her dear little boy

to untie the apron string.

It's not their boys they're worried so much about.

It's their men.

They've made up their minds that you've got to leave.

And you, Major?

I...

It makes no difference what I feel, Madame.

But I have a responsibility

to run this wagon train...

When must we leave?

We'll be coming into a way station in a few days.

And you don't want to see us tarred and feathered?

No, ma'am, I don't.

Good night.

Fools. They're all fools.

Hello, Liz.

How would you like to try your hand

at a friendly game of stud?

What are you going to bet with...

The buttons the girls gave you?

Oh, no.

The salary you owe me.

What do you figure

a day of your services is worth?

That all depends...

Liz.

MAJOR: I don't go much for butting into preachers' business...

Things like whether it's right or wrong

for decent God-fearing folk

to be exposed to the evil influences

of whiskey, gambling and entertaining women...

Never even bothered my head thinking about it much.

Well, I kind of leaned towards the side that didn't make too much

from a man's having a little entertainment and diversion.

I don't know why right or wrong

should give me a headache now,

unless it was because I was sorry

for Madame McQueeny and her girls.

I'll be a skunk's uncle if I could convince myself

that her bringing entertainment and pleasure

into the new territory was wrong or bad.

You know, Liz...

if I could lay my hands on some good Yankee money,

I've got an idea that could make a fortune for you.

The little old count here has been a place or three.

I had you and your girls spotted right off

as entertainers.

They say it takes one to know one.

Yeah, it sure does.

And I'll admit it to you...

I've done my turn in show business.

Really? Yep.

You and I are gonna make a great team...

as soon as I figure out a way to finance it.

I'm gonna make you the biggest attraction in the West.

Bigger than the Rocky Mountains?

They'll wear down the Rocky Mountains

beating a path to your door.

Were there any untoward incidents today?

There was no incidents...

because no one wanted to talk to us.

There's a possibility

there may be some change in our plans.

I thought there would be some excitement on this trip.

If only we could play the mechanical piano,

I would be happy.

If I don't dance soon, I know I shall dry up.

Perhaps tomorrow

you will be able to be more like yourself.

Aren't you overdoing the naive schoolgirl just a bit?

I am not a naive schoolgirl.

I don't know what I am.

I wish I knew.

Right now you're a very heartsick young lady,

who wishes she were dead.

I want to kill myself, but I'm afraid.

Perhaps you should tell me about it.

You'd never forgive me.

How do you know?

I didn't mean it to happen.

Even our being alone was an accident.

It wasn't his fault.

I love him.

I tried not to,

but I couldn't stop myself.

I told him everything...

About you and me.

He didn't hate me.

He wanted me to marry him,

and he cried!

And I want to die!

I know just how you feel.

How could you know how I feel?!

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Please?

I wanted to die once, too.

I was 17...

and it happened quite unplanned...

just like it has to you.

Why?

There is an angel, you know,

who finds us this greatest of all loves,

this painfully exquisite first love.

I was studying music in Italy.

Raphael was in the royal family.

Like the count?

Like the count.

Do you suppose the same angel that gave you Raphael...

gave me Stanley?

Mais oui.

I am certain that the same angel

blessed us both.

Women like that have no decency, no heart.

And we have been too considerate.

If you don't get rid of them now,

we'll do it our way.

Right or wrong, they are still human beings.

Are they, now?

And they're not going to be treated this way.

Did you hear him, girls?

He won't do anything.

But I can't live without Stanley.

Then go to him.

Tell him how you feel.

And be together for as long as you live.

But his mother...

Oh, I'll take care of her.

Where have you been?

I began to worry about you.

I'm sure you wondered where I was.

You know, you have to give me a chance to get even.

You already owe me six months' pay.

What have you got to wager?

How about one hand...

One year or nothing.

I'll love you like this till I die.

Madame McQueeny will take care of your mother.

Try to stop worrying, Stanley.

You'll ruin everything.

Stanley?

Stanley?

Stanley?

Stanley!

Let's see.

You have...

a four flush.

Bet.

It'll only cost you another year's labor if you're wrong.

What's with you, Liz? You kill all my talent.

What talent?

I happen to have a nose for money.

You could have a fortune under your nose

and not even smell it.

Hmm.

Those cards aren't going to change color by waiting.

Aren't you going to see me?

Nobody can be as lucky as you and honest.

Madame!

Something's happened to Stanley!

Just watch the count's face

when I turn up my hole card,

if you want to see a real tragedy.

Madame, please help me!

Bet. You're clogging up the wheels of love.

Please, something is very wrong with Stanley!

What?

Please help me.

Stanley!

Stanley!

Madame, something awful must've happened!

Stanley!

Oh, I'm so sick.

What ails you, boy?

My stomach keeps turning over, aching every muscle.

Can you stand up?

I tried. I just get dizzy.

Open your mouth and put out your tongue.

He has the spotted fever.

We'll take care of you.

McQUEENY: Roxanne.

Roxanne, listen to me.

If you want your Stanley to live,

you must do exactly what I say.

He will stay here, and you will stay with him.

I will go for medicine and help.

Never leave him for one minute.

If the fever turns to chills,

put your body close to his and keep him warm.

And if he starts to rave,

bind his arms and his legs,

or he'll do himself and you harm.

You can tear strips from your dress

for the bindings.

I'll keep you warm.

What's the matter with me? I'm no angel.

Major, I'd sure hate to see all them pretty girls

leave this wagon train.

Why don't you just eat your stew

before I plant it in those whiskers?

Mine's all gone. You ain't touched yours.

Major Adams?

Oh, yes. Madame McQueeny, good evening.

I'm afraid you have a plague on your hands.

Oh, are you tellin' me!

I'm not referring to your lady vigilantes.

Stanley Bloer is out there in the woods,

stricken with spotted fever.

What?

Boys, we'll have to go with Madame McQueeny.

There's a boy sick out in the woods.

Do you want the whole train to come down with the fever?

No, I don't. But we can't leave him out there alone.

I know. Roxanne is with him,

and she knows what to do until I get back.

Roxanne? She'll get it if she's out there,

and you'll get it if you go back.

A lot of people will have it before we're through.

Fewer will have it if we do the right thing.

We'll have to isolate the sick, that's all.

The only thing.

Boys, pass the word down the line.

Tell people not to panic,

but to report any new case of illness immediately.

And tell them that we'll have to ask for volunteers

to take care of the sick.

Major, if you'll get blankets and supplies,

we can prepare the quarantine area.

And I suggest you select a spot

where the fever victims can be left.

The least contact between the sick and...

I know about epidemics.

I was in one just outside of Richmond I'll never forget.

How come you know so much about them?

I was in the one in New Orleans.

Where has she got my son?!

They're stealing him!

They're stealing him!

Here, now. Easy.

Your boy's all right. He's sick, but we'll take care of him.

He's not sick! It's all lies!

They're poisoning him! Where is he!

You can't go out there now.

Let me go! My baby's out there!

Easy, now. Take it easy.

Oh, Stanley! My baby!

McQueeny's girls are bewitching him!

Within 24 hours

of Stanley Bloer's being struck down by the plague,

16 people were put in the designated spot

to be picked up and taken to the quarantine area.

When word got back to the wagon camp

that Roxanne had been struck down by the fever,

every one of McQueeny's girls volunteered

and went out to help.

Madame, Roxanne est si malade.

You take care of him.

I will attend to Roxanne.

You go and help Elaine.

MAJOR: Fear is unpleasant to see.

Mass fear is a shadow of hell

and a frightening thing to watch.

They waited, paralyzed,

to see who would be the next victim

of this unseen killer.

Well?

From the looks of that wagon,

the count went clean out of his head.

Oh, not that cootie.

Lice won't leave a body without a reason.

Unless they got a better customer.

That's what I'm trying to say.

He was just waiting for his chance...

Madame McQueeny out there with the sick.

I wonder what he took.

From the amount of energy

you two have wasted yapping about it,

you could've brought him in.

Do like I told you. Go get him.

Even if you have to put a hole in him as big as my fist.

I want that no-account brought back here!

Now, get! Yes, sir.

MAJOR: Misery and pain consumed every bone,

every muscle and thought until...

Major Adams.

You're going to be all right.

Do you hear me?

Wha...

What happened?

You've had the fever.

How long?

You've been delirious for three days.

But your crisis is over.

You just rest now,

and you will be your own brassy self

in no time.

The train...

Your angel has been good to you.

There hasn't been a new case reported

in over 48 hours.

The crisis is over.

You saved his life, Major.

What?

Modesty is becoming.

But he should know... And I intend to tell him...

That you ordered Hawks and Wooster to look for him

when you realized he was missing.

But I didn't...

I know you don't want thanks,

but you have mine.

I'm deeply grateful to you.

ROXANNE: Mommy?

I'm so afraid.

I'm so afraid!

Roxanne? Roxanne!

Don't die.

Please!

Please don't die!

Please!

Oh, no!

No!

No! No!

Stanley... No!

Stanley!

Stanley...

Roxanne will never be afraid again.

Oh, no!

MAJOR: Three weeks and four days

was what the fever cost us in time.

I don't want to even think about

what it cost us in friends and tears.

Yet, it could've been worse.

It would've been if we hadn't had Madame McQueeny

to fight the battle against that plague.

If there ever was doubt, there wasn't anymore.

Madame McQueeny was afraid of neither man nor plague.

It would've been nice if I could've told you

that the days that Elizabeth McQueeny and her girls

remained with the wagon train were ripe...

but I can't. They were tolerated, and that's all.

I guess you can't ask people to change their thinking overnight.

What's that?

Never mind. Just get me that hatbox.

Good evening, ladies.

Madame...

I think this belongs to you.

Major, I had given it up for lost.

Well, I, uh...

I just happened to come across it

while you were taking care of the sick.

I thought it would be safer in my keeping.

You never cease to surprise me.

It takes a lot of imagination

to know an old hatbox is valuable.

There are people who could have this right under their nose

and never even smell it.

There's a little surprise inside for you.

"To Jonah Grant."

Who is Jonah Grant?

He's the wagon master that'll see you on to Nevada.

"Introduce my... very dear friend,

"Madame Elizabeth McQueeny,

who's going to open a palace..."

Oh, Major Adams.

How can I ever thank you?

Uh, I...

Major...

you come back here in half an hour,

and bring every man from the train.

I'll have a surprise for you.

Madame, nothing in this world that you could ever do

would surprise me.

Well, we shall see.

All right.

Major, I, uh...

Thanks.

We all make mistakes.

But we don't always get the chance

to live 'em down, do we?

I'll take Roxanne's place.

Gentlemen, I don't know.

She simply said to be here in a half an hour,

and I'm gonna be here...

What do you think you're gonna do, dance with 'em?

Hey!

Behave yourself.

Madame Elizabeth McQueeny

built the finest theater the West would ever know,

and through her doors passed every man

who was to become a legend in the West.

Elizabeth McQueeny... A lot of woman...

Became a bigger legend than them all.