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1
00:00:06,365 --> 00:00:08,789
[alarm sounding]
2
00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:10,891
["Are You Gonna Be My Girl"
by Jet playing]
3
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:14,313
Got to look good today.
4
00:00:14,388 --> 00:00:16,147
I'm asking Amy to the prom.
5
00:00:16,298 --> 00:00:17,983
[squeaking]
6
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:19,725
I meant school Amy.
7
00:00:19,803 --> 00:00:21,320
Not you, Amy.
8
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,778
♪ Oh ♪
9
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,978
♪ I said, are you gonna be my girl? ♪
10
00:00:32,057 --> 00:00:33,189
Okay, just act cool.
11
00:00:33,191 --> 00:00:35,000
Hey, Amy, you promming?
12
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,408
I... [groans]
13
00:00:36,485 --> 00:00:38,820
So, Amy, some of your hair
got caught in your locker
14
00:00:38,896 --> 00:00:39,728
and I took it.
15
00:00:39,731 --> 00:00:40,914
No! No! God, no!
16
00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:43,750
[mother] Andrew,
there's someone to see you!
17
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:44,801
[both squeak]
18
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,496
You've been served,
starter stache.
19
00:00:48,573 --> 00:00:50,423
Wh-What is this, Dad?
20
00:00:50,799 --> 00:00:52,392
That's a subpoena.
21
00:00:52,468 --> 00:00:55,469
You've been called as a surprise
witness in court today.
22
00:00:55,546 --> 00:00:56,804
I can't go to court.
23
00:00:56,881 --> 00:00:58,823
I spent
all my after-school job money
24
00:00:58,899 --> 00:01:01,307
on a skywriting promposal.
25
00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:03,494
Testifying in court is a matter
of duty and honor.
26
00:01:03,570 --> 00:01:06,722
Besides, everyone knows Amy
is going to the prom with Josh.
27
00:01:06,724 --> 00:01:08,391
[groans]
28
00:01:08,393 --> 00:01:11,652
♪ Are you gonna be my girl? ♪
29
00:01:11,730 --> 00:01:13,897
♪ Yeah. ♪
30
00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,564
Mr. Teen, isn't it true
31
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:17,750
that while working as
an employee of Builders' Barn,
32
00:01:17,826 --> 00:01:20,402
you rented a backhoe to this man
33
00:01:20,405 --> 00:01:22,587
Homer J. Simpson?
34
00:01:22,664 --> 00:01:23,664
Yes.
35
00:01:23,742 --> 00:01:25,424
And what reason did
Mr. Simpson give
36
00:01:25,501 --> 00:01:27,168
for renting the machine?
37
00:01:27,245 --> 00:01:29,186
To quote,
"dig a bitching swimming pool
38
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:31,914
"in his backyard, then throw
an awesome pool party
39
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,858
and not invite Flanders."
40
00:01:33,935 --> 00:01:35,859
But in the process
of digging the pool,
41
00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:38,846
Mr. Simpson destroyed
local gas, sewer,
42
00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:41,774
and power lines,
causing rolling blackouts
43
00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:43,926
that affect Springfield
to this...
44
00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:47,162
- [electricity buzzing]
- ...day.
45
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,617
This man is
so obviously incompetent
46
00:01:52,694 --> 00:01:55,771
that he never should have been
allowed to rent a backhoe.
47
00:01:55,774 --> 00:01:58,531
And that is why Mr. Simpson
48
00:01:58,533 --> 00:02:00,459
is suing Builders' Barn.
49
00:02:00,536 --> 00:02:01,944
He's suing us?
50
00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:03,462
Your Honor,
I'd like to take over
51
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,114
the questioning, if I may.
52
00:02:05,115 --> 00:02:08,450
Mr. Simpson, only a fool
has himself for a lawyer.
53
00:02:08,453 --> 00:02:10,812
That's exactly my point, sir.
54
00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:14,957
When Mr. Simpson,
that is myself,
55
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,217
rented the heavy machinery
in question,
56
00:02:17,295 --> 00:02:20,646
isn't it true that my breath
smelled strongly of beer...
57
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,556
as it does now?
58
00:02:22,634 --> 00:02:23,848
[exhales]
59
00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:25,985
I don't know
what beer smells like.
60
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,336
I was going to have
my first one ever
61
00:02:28,338 --> 00:02:30,139
at the after-prom party.
62
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:31,490
[crying]
63
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:34,418
Homer can't even unfold
a lawn chair.
64
00:02:34,496 --> 00:02:36,437
I don't think
he understands doors.
65
00:02:36,514 --> 00:02:40,149
He's fat and lazy
and carries diner jelly packs
66
00:02:40,151 --> 00:02:42,001
in his shirt pocket.
67
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,576
That's irrelevant
and prejudicial.
68
00:02:43,655 --> 00:02:45,805
Let her speak!
69
00:02:48,175 --> 00:02:50,751
- Has the jury reached a verdict?
- Yes.
70
00:02:50,829 --> 00:02:52,512
We're very disappointed
this turned out
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00:02:52,587 --> 00:02:53,920
to be a real trial
72
00:02:53,998 --> 00:02:56,775
and not a hidden-camera
comedy reality show.
73
00:02:56,850 --> 00:02:59,610
Also, we have no choice
but to find for the plaintiff.
74
00:02:59,687 --> 00:03:01,687
- D'oh!
- You're the plaintiff.
75
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,264
- Woo-hoo!
- [sighs] I've spent 25 years
76
00:03:04,342 --> 00:03:06,175
fighting for Lady Justice.
77
00:03:06,176 --> 00:03:08,769
Today I learned she's
nothing but a painted tart,
78
00:03:08,847 --> 00:03:11,288
and I run the flophouse
where she turns tricks.
79
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:14,850
I award Mr. Simpson
the minimum possible damages.
80
00:03:14,853 --> 00:03:17,110
$95.
81
00:03:17,129 --> 00:03:19,187
Yes! Come on, everybody.
82
00:03:19,189 --> 00:03:22,525
Jury wave.
83
00:03:22,526 --> 00:03:24,760
No alternates.
84
00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:30,365
[Homer]
Kids.
85
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:32,884
Look what Daddy bought
with his settlement money.
86
00:03:32,961 --> 00:03:35,795
Floatie noodles and pool balls?
87
00:03:35,873 --> 00:03:38,040
We don't have a pool, Homer.
88
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,043
We have a hole,
which you can't fix
89
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,078
because the judge banned you
from renting
90
00:03:42,079 --> 00:03:44,656
any class A
excavating equipment.
91
00:03:44,731 --> 00:03:46,716
It's now
in the permanent court record
92
00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:48,384
that I married a buffoon.
93
00:03:48,385 --> 00:03:50,552
It was stipulated
by all parties.
94
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:53,406
On the plus side, Homer now
has an entry on Wiccapedia.
95
00:03:53,481 --> 00:03:56,650
[gasps] "Homer J. Simpson is
the first American citizen
96
00:03:56,728 --> 00:03:59,485
to become
a court-certified idiot"?
97
00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:00,746
[groans]
98
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,399
Wow, and it's not just a stub.
99
00:04:03,401 --> 00:04:05,418
The admin really put
some time into it.
100
00:04:05,493 --> 00:04:08,905
Is this what you want your
legacy on this planet to be?
101
00:04:08,907 --> 00:04:10,256
It's not just this.
102
00:04:10,258 --> 00:04:11,998
I got other stuff, like, uh...
103
00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:13,925
I fell into wet cement
in front of the church
104
00:04:14,002 --> 00:04:16,521
and left a very recognizable
ass print.
105
00:04:16,598 --> 00:04:17,855
- Mind the print.
- Aah!
106
00:04:17,932 --> 00:04:19,356
- Mind the ass print.
- [groans]
107
00:04:19,507 --> 00:04:20,917
- It's a big one.
- [groans]
108
00:04:20,918 --> 00:04:23,252
And, uh, well, uh,
there's, uh...
109
00:04:23,254 --> 00:04:24,586
Ooh, I know.
110
00:04:24,588 --> 00:04:26,363
My legacy can be Lisa.
111
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,106
She's my legacy.
112
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:31,093
Aw, I called dibs on Lisa
in the delivery room.
113
00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:32,519
I saw her first.
114
00:04:32,596 --> 00:04:34,038
[both groan]
115
00:04:34,189 --> 00:04:35,615
[Homer snores]
116
00:04:35,691 --> 00:04:37,792
Legacy...
117
00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:40,620
Who are you?
118
00:04:40,696 --> 00:04:41,713
Where am I?
119
00:04:41,863 --> 00:04:43,529
We're in the wonderful future.
120
00:04:43,608 --> 00:04:46,959
And I'm your guide, travel
host and author Rick Steves.
121
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:50,947
Every Sunday night Lisa puts me
on TV and you fall asleep.
122
00:04:50,949 --> 00:04:53,298
That's why you're sleeping
right now.
123
00:04:53,375 --> 00:04:54,725
- [snoring]
- [French music playing on TV]
124
00:04:54,952 --> 00:04:58,045
There's no better place
for a perfect gratin dauphinois
125
00:04:58,122 --> 00:05:00,880
than on a train to Montrachet.
126
00:05:00,959 --> 00:05:03,216
Someday, Rick, someday.
127
00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:06,144
These statues honor
the legacies of the many people
128
00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:08,906
who made a difference
in Springfield.
129
00:05:14,154 --> 00:05:16,062
[snoring]
130
00:05:16,081 --> 00:05:17,415
Sleep sleeping?
131
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:20,158
Legacy! Where's my statue?
132
00:05:20,235 --> 00:05:21,586
You don't have one.
133
00:05:21,663 --> 00:05:25,072
Because you've never done
anything worth remembering.
134
00:05:25,149 --> 00:05:27,516
I bet Lenny doesn't have
a legacy statue.
135
00:05:27,518 --> 00:05:29,802
Look what we're standing
on right now.
136
00:05:31,579 --> 00:05:32,596
[Homer]
D'oh!
137
00:05:32,673 --> 00:05:35,490
Lenny invented
invisible suspenders.
138
00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:37,843
Guess what's holding up
my pants.
139
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,846
The point is, they're all
remembered and you aren't.
140
00:05:41,923 --> 00:05:44,000
Now let me ask you
something else.
141
00:05:44,002 --> 00:05:45,944
Have you donated to PBS
this year?
142
00:05:46,019 --> 00:05:48,862
Never!
143
00:05:50,341 --> 00:05:52,524
Dumb, stupid, dumb.
144
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,343
Abe, can you talk to him?
145
00:05:54,345 --> 00:05:56,620
He's been at the bottom
of that hole for hours.
146
00:05:56,697 --> 00:05:59,624
I've been feeding him
like a dolphin.
147
00:06:00,459 --> 00:06:02,627
[yipping]
148
00:06:05,355 --> 00:06:09,300
So, what's got you sitting
in a hole this time, son?
149
00:06:09,377 --> 00:06:10,875
No legacy.
150
00:06:10,952 --> 00:06:13,120
The nearest the Simpsons
ever came to a legacy
151
00:06:13,197 --> 00:06:15,380
was when my uncle had
a soup named after him
152
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,956
at the chowder hall.
153
00:06:17,035 --> 00:06:20,036
A lot of people got sick
from Stan soup.
154
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:23,389
So stop your ninny-whimpling
and get out of this hole.
155
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,649
Hey, you ruined my roundsie!
156
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,151
I ruin-sied your round-what?
157
00:06:27,228 --> 00:06:29,319
When the ball goes
all the way around the walls,
158
00:06:29,396 --> 00:06:32,656
I call it a "roundsie."
159
00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:34,641
See? Roundsie.
160
00:06:34,718 --> 00:06:36,718
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever seen.
161
00:06:36,721 --> 00:06:38,663
Let me try.
162
00:06:39,814 --> 00:06:41,389
- [Grampa laughs]
- [ball bouncing]
163
00:06:41,391 --> 00:06:42,850
[Homer laughs, grunts]
164
00:06:42,927 --> 00:06:44,744
[both laughing, grunting]
165
00:06:44,819 --> 00:06:46,394
Whoa! [laughs]
166
00:06:46,396 --> 00:06:48,630
[both grunting, laughing]
167
00:06:51,084 --> 00:06:53,252
Son, I never played catch
with you
168
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,754
or tossed you a football
169
00:06:54,829 --> 00:06:56,588
or taught you
how to ride a bike.
170
00:06:56,665 --> 00:06:58,499
I hate you, you monster!
171
00:06:58,576 --> 00:07:00,500
But now we have this.
172
00:07:00,577 --> 00:07:03,187
Yeah... you're all right.
173
00:07:03,264 --> 00:07:05,004
Noodles, balls?
174
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:07,266
What do you call
this wonderful game?
175
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:10,511
I don't know, but it's gonna be
something really clever.
176
00:07:10,588 --> 00:07:12,678
We call it Noodleball.
177
00:07:12,757 --> 00:07:14,757
It's exercise without movement.
178
00:07:14,759 --> 00:07:16,591
It's safe
for your brittle bones.
179
00:07:16,593 --> 00:07:17,942
And you don't have
to face the thing
180
00:07:18,019 --> 00:07:20,262
all us seniors fear about pools:
181
00:07:20,264 --> 00:07:23,432
trying to peel off
a wet bathing suit.
182
00:07:23,434 --> 00:07:25,451
- I'll try that.
- Give me one of those noodles.
183
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:28,086
[indistinct chatter]
184
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,957
Dad, maybe Noodleball
is what will make
185
00:07:33,034 --> 00:07:34,944
the Simpson name live forever.
186
00:07:34,946 --> 00:07:38,221
A legacy
that we created together.
187
00:07:38,298 --> 00:07:40,891
I'll jelly to that.
188
00:07:47,882 --> 00:07:50,401
Springfield's golden-agers
are lining up
189
00:07:50,478 --> 00:07:51,884
to go six feet under...
190
00:07:51,963 --> 00:07:54,146
in empty swimming pools.
191
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,389
So how does
this piscine pastime work?
192
00:07:56,466 --> 00:07:57,408
If you hit the ball
193
00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:58,408
past your opponents
194
00:07:58,485 --> 00:08:00,411
and it bounces back to you,
195
00:08:00,487 --> 00:08:02,413
that's a roundsie: one point.
196
00:08:02,490 --> 00:08:04,656
[Grampa] Your opponents are trying to block the roundsie
197
00:08:04,809 --> 00:08:06,584
and hit it back
to score their own point.
198
00:08:06,661 --> 00:08:08,920
[Homer] Play until three balls get knocked out of the pool,
199
00:08:08,995 --> 00:08:12,238
and then everyone can check
their phone for ten minutes.
200
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:14,091
So dive on in to Noodleball
201
00:08:14,168 --> 00:08:18,321
and drown the dog days of summer
in the deep end of fun.
202
00:08:18,622 --> 00:08:21,047
Speaking of dogs,
let's meet the spaniel
203
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:24,192
who's predicted
every Super Bowl wrong.
204
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:33,744
[squawks]
205
00:08:33,821 --> 00:08:34,970
A perfect roundsie!
206
00:08:34,971 --> 00:08:36,321
We win again!
207
00:08:36,398 --> 00:08:37,990
Since you've been playing
Noodleball,
208
00:08:38,066 --> 00:08:40,993
your weight gain has plateaued.
209
00:08:41,068 --> 00:08:45,330
If you keep this up,
you could not gain 50 pounds.
210
00:08:45,407 --> 00:08:48,817
Dad, look what just came
up on Wiccapedia.
211
00:08:48,818 --> 00:08:50,243
[Homer]
Hmm.
212
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,821
The world is noticing
the Simpsons...
213
00:08:52,822 --> 00:08:54,173
in a good way.
214
00:08:54,249 --> 00:08:55,749
Look at these seniors,
215
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:58,101
playing like there
is a tomorrow.
216
00:08:58,178 --> 00:09:00,062
♪ Na-na-na, come on ♪
217
00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:04,649
♪ Na-na-na-na-na, come on ♪
218
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,092
♪ Na-na-na, come on ♪
219
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,778
♪ Come on, come on ♪
220
00:09:08,855 --> 00:09:10,764
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
221
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,765
♪ Feels so good being bad ♪
222
00:09:12,842 --> 00:09:14,768
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
223
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,620
♪ There's no way I'm turning back ♪
224
00:09:16,697 --> 00:09:18,288
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
225
00:09:18,365 --> 00:09:20,791
♪ Now the pain is for pleasure ♪
226
00:09:20,868 --> 00:09:22,017
♪ Oh. ♪
227
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,701
Dad, Grampa, we have
228
00:09:23,703 --> 00:09:25,129
a problem at the south pool!
229
00:09:25,206 --> 00:09:27,614
Oh, another old person
three-way?
230
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:28,856
Just hose 'em out of there.
231
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:29,966
Worse!
232
00:09:30,043 --> 00:09:32,043
Out of the pool, noodle heads.
233
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,287
It's summer,
and the kids want to swim.
234
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,139
Go jump in the lake, water baby.
235
00:09:36,216 --> 00:09:37,975
You're in Noodleball country.
236
00:09:38,052 --> 00:09:41,220
Even the very tall
need a place to swim.
237
00:09:41,296 --> 00:09:44,481
And our children need
to cool off in the hot summer.
238
00:09:44,633 --> 00:09:48,152
Won't everyone please
not think about the children?
239
00:09:52,066 --> 00:09:54,383
[all groaning sadly]
240
00:09:54,384 --> 00:09:57,495
Don't worry, there's other pools
in this town.
241
00:10:02,149 --> 00:10:03,908
Hey, we were here first.
242
00:10:03,985 --> 00:10:05,586
Talk to the tag.
243
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:08,839
Vape 'em out!
244
00:10:08,916 --> 00:10:10,673
[coughing]
245
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:12,083
It's cotton candy bubble gum.
246
00:10:12,159 --> 00:10:13,585
Don't breathe it in.
247
00:10:13,662 --> 00:10:16,388
[worried groaning]
248
00:10:18,833 --> 00:10:20,350
We're losing pools
all over town.
249
00:10:20,427 --> 00:10:23,019
What if we try to take over
some pickleball courts?
250
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:25,581
No, those Wiffle Ball whackers
are psycho.
251
00:10:25,599 --> 00:10:28,432
They killed tennis
without even breaking a sweat.
252
00:10:28,509 --> 00:10:31,677
Dad, there's a new section
on your Wiccapedia page.
253
00:10:31,755 --> 00:10:33,922
- Controversies.
- [screams]
254
00:10:33,923 --> 00:10:35,774
There's a petition
to ban Noodleball,
255
00:10:35,775 --> 00:10:37,534
"which has antagonized swimmers,
256
00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:40,687
scuba practicers,
and frat house cannonballers."
257
00:10:40,764 --> 00:10:42,597
Aw, that's
all the thought leaders.
258
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,100
We can't let Noodleball
end up a failed sport,
259
00:10:45,101 --> 00:10:47,192
like racquetball or soccer.
260
00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:49,772
Our father-son legacy
is in danger.
261
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,530
We got to do something.
262
00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:53,609
Think! Think!
263
00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:54,884
Hit harder!
264
00:10:54,961 --> 00:10:56,220
Homer, Abe.
265
00:10:56,297 --> 00:10:58,462
There's someone here
who wants to see you.
266
00:10:58,539 --> 00:11:01,206
[whispering] I let him in
because he's wearing a suit.
267
00:11:01,284 --> 00:11:03,208
Gentlemen, I'm Gabriel Razelton.
268
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,044
People call me "The Raz."
269
00:11:05,121 --> 00:11:06,730
But you shouldn't
because I hate it.
270
00:11:06,807 --> 00:11:09,048
I represent a consortium
of companies that can help
271
00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:12,476
Noodleball not only survive
but thrive.
272
00:11:12,553 --> 00:11:14,296
What consortium?
273
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:17,816
I can tell you,
or I can show you.
274
00:11:17,893 --> 00:11:19,817
Uh, give us a minute.
275
00:11:19,894 --> 00:11:21,653
Well, what do you think?
I'm all for show.
276
00:11:21,730 --> 00:11:23,246
No, I think we should do tell.
277
00:11:23,323 --> 00:11:25,490
- Let him show it...
- No, I prefer he'd tell it...
278
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:27,993
[overlapping arguing]
279
00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:29,919
Okay, we want you to tell us.
280
00:11:29,996 --> 00:11:32,815
No, you idiot, we decided show!
281
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,000
Oh, just give us
one more huddle.
282
00:11:35,076 --> 00:11:37,653
Show! It was always show!
283
00:11:37,654 --> 00:11:40,096
The avocado, or as some call it,
284
00:11:40,173 --> 00:11:41,823
the alligator pear.
285
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,267
Simple, natural,
286
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:46,102
a little nutty,
just like Noodleball.
287
00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:48,679
"Avi-cado"? Never heard of it.
288
00:11:48,756 --> 00:11:51,834
The only green thing I eat
is Marge's Mountain Dew pudding.
289
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,851
Mm, oh.
290
00:11:53,928 --> 00:11:56,947
That glop's easy on the gums.
291
00:11:57,024 --> 00:11:58,690
It is pretty creamy.
292
00:11:58,767 --> 00:12:00,951
Are you sure it isn't lard?
293
00:12:01,028 --> 00:12:02,285
Absolutely.
294
00:12:02,363 --> 00:12:04,437
You can see
why we at the Organic Pit-based
295
00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:06,289
Enjoyment Council think
that avocados
296
00:12:06,366 --> 00:12:08,866
are the perfect sponsor
for Noodleball.
297
00:12:08,943 --> 00:12:10,701
Can you get us our pools back?
298
00:12:10,778 --> 00:12:12,921
Oh, I can do better than that.
299
00:12:16,693 --> 00:12:17,783
I give you...
300
00:12:17,861 --> 00:12:19,970
the future of Noodleball.
301
00:12:20,346 --> 00:12:22,422
This is the Avo-1 Noodleplex,
302
00:12:22,499 --> 00:12:24,499
featuring
eight state-of-the-art,
303
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,518
- empty, never-swum-in pools.
- [both] Hmm.
304
00:12:26,594 --> 00:12:28,110
Now, I hope you don't mind,
305
00:12:28,187 --> 00:12:29,854
but we've put
a statue of you and Grampa
306
00:12:29,931 --> 00:12:31,096
right at the entrance.
307
00:12:31,174 --> 00:12:33,508
We'll be remembered forever,
308
00:12:33,509 --> 00:12:36,452
like that dude
in the Lincoln Memorial.
309
00:12:36,529 --> 00:12:39,456
We've got plans for all kinds
of avocado tie-ins:
310
00:12:39,533 --> 00:12:42,125
oils, face masks,
hair conditioners.
311
00:12:42,201 --> 00:12:44,461
Big A isn't just guac and chips.
312
00:12:44,611 --> 00:12:46,187
[laughs]
313
00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:48,023
[laughing]
314
00:12:48,024 --> 00:12:49,966
Is this guy always so funny?
315
00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:51,616
[both laughing]
316
00:12:51,695 --> 00:12:53,427
I don't know.
317
00:12:55,123 --> 00:12:57,139
So, can we make this deal happen
318
00:12:57,292 --> 00:12:59,551
and raise an avocado toast?
319
00:12:59,626 --> 00:13:00,552
[clink]
320
00:13:00,669 --> 00:13:02,128
Oh, son.
321
00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:05,539
We created a sport
that will live forever.
322
00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:08,150
Now, Grampa, we've got
a PR guy just down the hall
323
00:13:08,227 --> 00:13:10,653
who wants to hear
the story of your life.
324
00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:11,654
Hmm.
325
00:13:11,731 --> 00:13:13,322
[grunting]
326
00:13:13,399 --> 00:13:16,234
When I was a boy, you kissed
any horse that walked by.
327
00:13:16,311 --> 00:13:19,553
And that's how I acquired
my taste for hay.
328
00:13:19,556 --> 00:13:22,057
Homer, I've always been
honest with you, right?
329
00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:23,725
- Right.
- Wrong.
330
00:13:23,726 --> 00:13:26,076
I lied when I said
Noodleball was for everyone.
331
00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:28,395
No one's going to pay
to watch ancient athletes
332
00:13:28,398 --> 00:13:30,731
break their hips
and have heart attacks.
333
00:13:30,734 --> 00:13:33,658
Our vision of Noodleball is
for a younger demographic.
334
00:13:33,736 --> 00:13:37,404
You want to make Noodleball
only for 20-somethings?
335
00:13:37,407 --> 00:13:39,240
Oh, God, no,
they don't have any money.
336
00:13:39,243 --> 00:13:41,350
I'm talking 40-to-60-year-olds.
337
00:13:41,427 --> 00:13:44,412
The last generation
that can afford houses.
338
00:13:44,413 --> 00:13:47,024
We have to scrub out
every trace of your father
339
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,250
and his gang
of shuffling catheters,
340
00:13:49,253 --> 00:13:51,086
or Noodleball's future
is blacker
341
00:13:51,087 --> 00:13:52,946
than a recently opened avocado.
342
00:13:55,091 --> 00:13:56,849
I can't dump Grampa.
343
00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:57,868
He's my father.
344
00:13:57,985 --> 00:13:59,519
We're like brothers.
345
00:13:59,596 --> 00:14:01,245
Oh...
346
00:14:02,948 --> 00:14:04,783
I'm sorry, but my dad and I
347
00:14:04,859 --> 00:14:06,451
created Noodleball together.
348
00:14:06,528 --> 00:14:07,284
[sighs]
349
00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:08,711
You're a man of rare integrity.
350
00:14:08,863 --> 00:14:11,298
- But I accept your deci...
- I'll do it! The old man's out!
351
00:14:17,129 --> 00:14:18,538
Homer, Marge!
352
00:14:18,615 --> 00:14:20,282
Welcome to the first Noodleball
353
00:14:20,283 --> 00:14:21,390
celebrity tournament.
354
00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:22,966
Pretty fantastic, huh?
355
00:14:23,043 --> 00:14:24,952
It's a very impressive tent.
356
00:14:24,955 --> 00:14:27,397
Whoever ironed it knew
what they were doing.
357
00:14:27,474 --> 00:14:29,124
Avocado oil Bellini?
358
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:30,399
Get that crap out of my face.
359
00:14:30,476 --> 00:14:31,884
Now come, I want you to meet
360
00:14:31,961 --> 00:14:33,903
some of the amazing
youth-adjacent athletes
361
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:35,221
who are competing today.
362
00:14:35,298 --> 00:14:36,130
Blake Griffin.
363
00:14:36,133 --> 00:14:37,649
Noodleball is the perfect game
364
00:14:37,801 --> 00:14:40,744
for retired players whose bodies
have been permanently destroyed
365
00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:42,028
by the sport they love.
366
00:14:42,062 --> 00:14:43,746
Which is all of us.
367
00:14:45,066 --> 00:14:46,825
Ow! My spinning finger.
368
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:47,918
It was supposed to be fixed
369
00:14:47,994 --> 00:14:50,754
after my third
Meadowlark Lemon surgery.
370
00:14:50,831 --> 00:14:52,330
Homer Simpson,
371
00:14:52,407 --> 00:14:54,423
of course you know
Megan Rapinoe.
372
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,426
I bet Lisa knows who you are.
373
00:14:56,427 --> 00:14:59,428
Lisa Simpson?
I love her Substack.
374
00:14:59,505 --> 00:15:02,581
If you're her dad,
this explains so much.
375
00:15:02,658 --> 00:15:04,917
Thank you, Megan Rapinoe.
376
00:15:04,995 --> 00:15:07,495
Our targeted marketing
to 40- and 50-somethings
377
00:15:07,496 --> 00:15:09,331
is really paying off.
378
00:15:09,633 --> 00:15:12,299
My whole life I've worshipped
379
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:15,077
the false god of tucking in.
380
00:15:15,154 --> 00:15:16,729
Step-in shoes!
381
00:15:16,806 --> 00:15:20,667
Oh! I'll never lower my arms
below my knees again.
382
00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:24,144
This is so amazing.
383
00:15:24,147 --> 00:15:26,588
I just feel bad that Grampa
and the other old folks
384
00:15:26,666 --> 00:15:28,591
can't be a part of all this.
385
00:15:28,668 --> 00:15:31,534
Yeah, that's kind of
a sensitive subject.
386
00:15:31,613 --> 00:15:33,004
You did tell him, right?
387
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,490
You know,
hard conversations like this,
388
00:15:35,491 --> 00:15:38,584
it's all about picking
the right moment.
389
00:15:38,662 --> 00:15:40,586
- Oh, Homer.
- Darling.
390
00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:42,513
- Homer.
- My beloved.
391
00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:44,347
Are you waiting
for your father to die
392
00:15:44,424 --> 00:15:48,427
so you won't have to tell him
you totally screwed him over?
393
00:15:48,504 --> 00:15:50,504
- Little bit.
- Oh.
394
00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:54,509
That alligator-pear-pushing
parasite gave me the heave-ho!
395
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:56,193
Doesn't he know we're a team?
396
00:15:56,269 --> 00:15:57,787
We invented this together!
397
00:15:57,864 --> 00:16:00,014
Oh, great,
now your memory's good.
398
00:16:00,015 --> 00:16:02,365
This was the only way
to save Noodleball.
399
00:16:02,442 --> 00:16:04,534
At least one of us
can have a legacy.
400
00:16:04,611 --> 00:16:06,962
And you betrayed me for that?
401
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:08,206
Guess what.
402
00:16:08,282 --> 00:16:10,633
Legacy don't mean squat.
403
00:16:13,788 --> 00:16:14,378
Squat?!
404
00:16:14,455 --> 00:16:15,638
Justify yourself!
405
00:16:15,715 --> 00:16:18,381
Who cares what people think
after you're gone?
406
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:20,309
You ain't there
to get the credit,
407
00:16:20,385 --> 00:16:21,977
if they remember you at all.
408
00:16:22,054 --> 00:16:24,147
Do you know
who Johnny Carson was?
409
00:16:24,298 --> 00:16:25,539
Nope.
410
00:16:25,542 --> 00:16:27,317
- David Letterman?
- Nuh-uh.
411
00:16:27,393 --> 00:16:28,558
Jimmy Fallon?
412
00:16:28,561 --> 00:16:30,153
Now you're just making up names.
413
00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:32,212
Don't you see? You sold me out
414
00:16:32,215 --> 00:16:35,232
for a few extra words
in your obituary.
415
00:16:35,308 --> 00:16:36,900
What's an obituary?
416
00:16:36,977 --> 00:16:39,979
It's where they summarize
your whole life in one sentence.
417
00:16:40,056 --> 00:16:41,221
Mine's gonna read:
418
00:16:41,224 --> 00:16:44,649
"He was stabbed in the back
by his son."
419
00:16:44,727 --> 00:16:47,318
A real father would support
his son's terrible,
420
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:48,988
heartless decision!
421
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:51,841
Dad, someday can I screw you out
of something we create together?
422
00:16:51,842 --> 00:16:54,844
You do and I'll destroy you.
423
00:16:54,921 --> 00:16:58,014
How could making a deal
with avocados be a bad thing?
424
00:16:58,091 --> 00:16:59,664
It's a good fat.
425
00:16:59,743 --> 00:17:02,684
Well, growing avocados does use
a lot of water.
426
00:17:02,761 --> 00:17:05,762
Over nine and a half billion
liters per day.
427
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:07,690
What's that in swimming pools?
428
00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:10,174
- 3,800.
- [gasps]
429
00:17:10,252 --> 00:17:12,420
And the transport
of avocado products
430
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:15,573
endangers wildlife everywhere.
431
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,614
Avocado oil is
just using Noodleball
432
00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:25,932
to cover up
the bad stuff they do.
433
00:17:25,934 --> 00:17:28,545
You know, the way
Middle East oil spent billions
434
00:17:28,621 --> 00:17:30,863
to create LIV Golf.
435
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:32,364
LIV Golf can't be bad.
436
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,717
I bleed
Mickelson's Maniacs blue.
437
00:17:34,794 --> 00:17:38,613
And now avocado oil is playing
the same slippery game.
438
00:17:38,615 --> 00:17:40,463
No, no, I won't believe it.
439
00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:43,617
Not the Organic Pit-based
Enjoyment Council.
440
00:17:43,619 --> 00:17:45,561
You mean OPEC?
441
00:17:45,637 --> 00:17:49,065
Oh, "pit-based" is
kind of a cheat, but I get it.
442
00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:51,474
I sold out my dad for avocado.
443
00:17:51,551 --> 00:17:52,902
Oil, that is.
444
00:17:52,979 --> 00:17:54,219
Green gold.
445
00:17:54,297 --> 00:17:55,822
Tex-Mex tea.
446
00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:02,153
I demand to play
in the tournament!
447
00:18:02,229 --> 00:18:03,637
Of course you can.
448
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,082
You're on the cover
of Avocado Aficionado.
449
00:18:06,159 --> 00:18:09,586
[Homer]
Oh, yeah, one went up my butt.
450
00:18:09,662 --> 00:18:12,570
Your partner,
NFL legend Andrew Luck,
451
00:18:12,648 --> 00:18:14,147
is waiting for you.
452
00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:15,240
Join me, Homer.
453
00:18:15,317 --> 00:18:16,593
I need a new sport.
454
00:18:16,669 --> 00:18:18,819
My wife keeps telling me
to stop moving furniture around
455
00:18:18,821 --> 00:18:20,244
and get out of the house.
456
00:18:20,323 --> 00:18:21,823
Andrew, if I played with you,
457
00:18:21,825 --> 00:18:24,342
I'd secure
my Noodleball legacy forever.
458
00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:27,627
But at the terrible price
of supporting Big Avocado.
459
00:18:27,663 --> 00:18:30,664
So there's another retiree
who I'm teaming up with.
460
00:18:30,666 --> 00:18:32,666
[inhales]
My father.
461
00:18:32,669 --> 00:18:34,443
We created Noodleball to keep
462
00:18:34,519 --> 00:18:36,519
old people mobile and healthy.
463
00:18:36,521 --> 00:18:38,172
We're taking our sport back,
464
00:18:38,173 --> 00:18:39,615
legacy be damned.
465
00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:43,344
And my son and I challenge
your best team.
466
00:18:43,346 --> 00:18:46,455
Do you and this walking
wrinklebag really expect to beat
467
00:18:46,531 --> 00:18:48,458
Blake Griffin and Megan Rapinoe?
468
00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:49,683
We're playing now?
469
00:18:49,685 --> 00:18:51,868
I just had
three avocado Bellinis.
470
00:18:51,871 --> 00:18:54,188
What is it with you
and Bellinis?
471
00:18:54,190 --> 00:18:56,115
They loosen me up, Megan.
472
00:18:56,192 --> 00:18:58,468
♪
473
00:18:59,528 --> 00:19:01,637
Thanks for bringing me back,
son.
474
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,365
Dad, we never played catch
or tossed a football,
475
00:19:05,367 --> 00:19:07,291
but we have this.
476
00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:08,961
You're right, son.
477
00:19:09,038 --> 00:19:10,962
And that's why we're gonna win.
478
00:19:11,039 --> 00:19:14,298
We are this safe,
low-impact game.
479
00:19:14,376 --> 00:19:16,193
♪
480
00:19:18,064 --> 00:19:18,895
[groans]
481
00:19:18,972 --> 00:19:21,382
- [bones snap]
- Ow, my hip!
482
00:19:21,384 --> 00:19:23,492
Ow, my heart!
483
00:19:23,568 --> 00:19:25,219
[crowd gasps]
484
00:19:25,221 --> 00:19:27,054
Noodleball is no more.
485
00:19:27,056 --> 00:19:29,815
In its league premiere,
founder Homer Simpson
486
00:19:29,893 --> 00:19:32,669
and his father suffered gruesome
career-ending injuries,
487
00:19:32,744 --> 00:19:34,987
ruining Noodleball's
professional debut
488
00:19:35,064 --> 00:19:37,731
and sending avocado
futures plummeting.
489
00:19:37,733 --> 00:19:38,656
[Grampa groans]
490
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:40,826
Oh, my sport is dead,
491
00:19:40,903 --> 00:19:44,587
and the only guy who showed up
to sign my cast is Andrew Luck.
492
00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:47,016
Ooh, I get the whole space.
493
00:19:47,093 --> 00:19:48,592
Mm-hmm.
494
00:19:48,669 --> 00:19:51,077
Cheer up, Homer,
retirement is wonderful.
495
00:19:51,079 --> 00:19:52,521
You'll have
so much more time to spend
496
00:19:52,597 --> 00:19:54,432
on your charities
and with your family.
497
00:19:54,508 --> 00:19:58,085
Oh! I want a second opinion
from Peyton Manning.
498
00:19:58,086 --> 00:19:59,436
[groans]
499
00:19:59,512 --> 00:20:01,087
I'm proud of you, Homie.
500
00:20:01,089 --> 00:20:04,682
You stuck by your dad
and rejected Big Avocado.
501
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:08,261
Although if it comes in a salad,
I'm not sending it back.
502
00:20:08,263 --> 00:20:09,354
I love it on a burger.
503
00:20:09,432 --> 00:20:11,457
Or just spooned
right out of the skin.
504
00:20:13,435 --> 00:20:16,028
[sighs]
If we just swam in those pools,
505
00:20:16,105 --> 00:20:18,940
none of this bad stuff
would've happened.
506
00:20:18,942 --> 00:20:22,609
Aw, but the water's so chilly
when you first go in.
507
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:25,846
[sighs]
Nothing good came out of this.
508
00:20:27,799 --> 00:20:30,800
This is that backhoe-renting
weirdo's house, Amy.
509
00:20:30,877 --> 00:20:33,211
Oh, Andrew, you were so brave
510
00:20:33,288 --> 00:20:35,064
to testify against him.
511
00:20:35,141 --> 00:20:36,790
Mmm.
512
00:20:36,792 --> 00:20:38,567
[deep voice]
Oh, my.
513
00:20:38,685 --> 00:20:42,145
♪ Come on, come on, come on, I like it, like it ♪
514
00:20:42,222 --> 00:20:47,076
♪ Come on, come on, come on, I like it, like it, come on. ♪
515
00:20:52,066 --> 00:20:55,250
[Homer] Official Rules of Noodleball, section 29:
516
00:20:55,327 --> 00:20:57,252
if a dog steals your pool ball,
517
00:20:57,329 --> 00:20:59,238
you're allowed
to steal its ball.
518
00:20:59,315 --> 00:21:01,240
[Grampa] All players must count up their meds,
519
00:21:01,317 --> 00:21:03,925
and the one with the most pills
serves first.
520
00:21:04,002 --> 00:21:06,336
[Homer] The pool noodle may be blown through
521
00:21:06,413 --> 00:21:07,746
but not yelled through.
522
00:21:07,824 --> 00:21:09,248
[Grampa]
In between points, a maximum
523
00:21:09,325 --> 00:21:12,175
of three pictures of grandkids
may be shown,
524
00:21:12,252 --> 00:21:16,105
four if the kids are costumed
or in a school play.
525
00:21:16,182 --> 00:21:18,923
[Homer] If a player's pool noodle comes untied,
526
00:21:19,001 --> 00:21:21,018
that player must call "Flopper,"
527
00:21:21,095 --> 00:21:25,006
and the play is suspended
until the laughter subsides.
528
00:21:25,008 --> 00:21:28,785
[Homer] If the pool being played in has a separate hot tub,
529
00:21:28,861 --> 00:21:30,494
nice.
530
00:21:34,366 --> 00:21:36,017
Shh!
531
00:21:36,019 --> 00:21:37,852
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
532
00:21:37,854 --> 00:21:39,278
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
533
00:21:39,355 --> 00:21:41,213
and TOYOTA.
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