Original subtitles

[♪ upbeat rock music plays, fades]

I gotta figure out what this amulet is.

Stone of Scorpion Tongue?

No, that's blue.

[gasps] Jewel of the Forgotten?

No, that's more spiky.

Sacred Salt of the Yafoo.

Not salty.

Kinda sweet. Not bad, actually.

Where did you get candy?

Did you go into the sneakers in the back of my closet?

That's where you hide your candy?

Well, not anymore.

Guys, it's not candy.

Wait, that was the amulet from your birthday quest.

- No, it wasn't. - Then it was candy.

I thought you left that in the cave.

There was candy in that cave?

Milo, there's no candy.

It's the amulet that Dad told her to leave behind.

Guys, I couldn't just leave it there.

Somebody wanted me to find it,

and I've been trying to figure out why,

but I don't even know what it is.

Does my dad know you're hiding a mystical,

glowing, potentially dangerous wizard artifact?

What am I saying? It's you. Of course he doesn't know.

Just please don't say anything until I can figure all this out.

We won't. But no more secrets from us, okay?

- Deal. - Since we're all coming clean,

we got a serious ant problem in the closet.

Probably because of my shoe candy.

I just put that together.

[♪ theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes because ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

- ♪ What it seems ♪ - [♪ theme song concludes]

So can somebody turn on the TV?

Oh, I thought you had the remote.

- I thought Roman had it. - I don't have it. Milo has it.

- I don't have it. - So no one has the remote?

You know, we've been sitting here for five minutes.

Okay, yeah, it's got to be around here somewhere.

[voice from TV] Oh, it's right there under the couch.

Thanks. Whoa, did our TV just tell us

where the remote is? That is a smart TV.

Minister McFigglehorn, what are you doing in our TV?

It is my honor to inform you that we are

officially considering you, Justin Russo,

for the open seat on the Wizard Tribunal,

left by Alistair Goodspeed.

- [gasps] - Oh, that Alistair guy was the worst.

How do you know Alistair?

- How do I know Alistair? - You don't.

That's right, I don't.

Sorry to interrupt. Mr. Russo, you must come at once

to the Tribunal Tower.

Also, there's a lot of change under your couch

in case you were looking for that, too.

Dibs!

This is incredible.

I've always dreamt of being on the Wizard Tribunal.

Oh! We've got to get you to the Wizard World.

You could wear that tie we made you for Father's Day.

Yeah! [chuckles] Or one that isn't laminated.

- Billie, the Amulet! - [gasps]

Why was it glowing?

I don't know. It's never done that before.

I think it happened when Giada said Wizard World.

Maybe it wants me to go with him.

Okay, okay, you made your point.

Hey, Justin. How about I go with you?

You know, to support you.

If she gets to go, I get to go.

Sweet! House to myself.

Well, why don't we all go support you?

Sweet! Going to support Dad.

Yeah, you know what, this would be great,

having the whole family there on the biggest day of my life.

Well, I mean, second biggest, you know, after our wedding.

[chuckles] I mean, third biggest

after the birth of my son. [chuckles] I mean, fourth.

Honey, we get it.

I, for one, would like to hear the man finish that sentence.

[hesitates] No time, to the Tribunal!

[♪ mystical music playing]

Wow. The Tribunal Tower.

You can practically smell the history.

[sniffs] Is that what that is? It smells like the old shoe

full of candy at the back of Milo's closet.

Does everyone know about my shoe candy?

Yes.

Where's Roman?

Sorry, I got held up with the Hex-ray machine.

Apparently, somebody put six hexes on me.

Security's slacking. I put seven on you.

Okay, so we're here. Now what?

[sighs] Hm... Let's see.

[gasps] Tribunal chamber... Cafeteria... Archive.

[gasps] I think the amulet wants us to go to the archive.

But how are we gonna get away from Justin?

Look, Billie, they're giving a historical tour

of the Tribunal Tower. That sounds fun.

No, it doesn't.

Yes, it does.

I mean, history, fun.

Hey, Dad, can Billie, Milo and I go on the history tour?

Why am I being punished?

I mean, yeah, uh, no, that's what I meant.

You want to go on a tour?

[gasps] I knew bringing the three of you here

would spark a joy for the government engine.

Yeah, that's it, government engine. So can we go?

Well, don't be gone too long or you'll miss seeing

Justin appointed to the Tribunal.

Yup, that's why we're here. [chuckles] No other reason.

Now we just have to find the right moment

to sneak off to the Archive.

Did you know that Gandrick Bellfry

introduced Amendment 32124 in this very hall?

That's how wizards got Forever Stamps!

Roman, you're really selling this cover.

Right, the cover.

That's why I'm listening to this,

not because it's fascinating.

This is definitely where the amulet wants us to go.

Hey, guys, if you don't need me for this,

the tour's headed to the Hall of Feathered Pens,

and you know how I love a good quill, so...

This doesn't look like an arcade.

I said we're going to the Archive.

It's where they keep historical artifacts.

Why'd I think we were going to the arcade?

Because you only hear what you want to hear.

That does sound like me.

Guess I don't need all these quarters. Aw, man!

Hey! The Archive is off limits.

No one has ever entered without permission,

and I will see that no one ever does.

Thanks for letting us know we'll be on our way.

What are you doing?

I can't leave until I get answers about my amulet.

I don't know, Billie.

The guy with the spear really seems like he wants us to leave.

- He's just trying to scare you. - Yeah, and it's working.

[♪ mystical music playing]

There's got to be a clue about this amulet in the Archive.

But we can't look around with that guard here.

Want me to ask him to leave?

That's a great plan, Milo.

- Are you joking? - No.

Oh. Because I was.

I have an idea. Grow-us Milo-us!

I told you kids to get out of here.

What kids? I, sir, am a man. Can't you see my man body?

You must be new. I'm Gardor.

I'm Milo...dor. Milodor. And I'm tall.

Like, able to ride all the rides at the amusement park tall.

What brings you to the archive, Milodor?

Uh, that's a great question.

Just get him to leave.

I'm here to get you to leave.

Like a break?

If it means you're going to leave, sure.

[laughs] I can't believe it.

I haven't had a break in over a hundred years.

Go, take a break. I'll just be here doing

tall guy stuff.

You know, dusting the ceiling fan

without using a step stool, changing the batteries

from the smoke detector. Tall guy stuff.

It is great to be tall, isn't it?

But listen, you can't let anyone in here.

Anyone tries to sneak in, you destroy them.

With my man hands?

[laughs] With anything you got.

I'm using my man hands.

Great work, Milo. Time to get some answers.

Remember all those times

you made fun of me for being shorter than you?

Yeah?

So do I.

Uh... Billie?

Aw! I got boy hands again.

Mr. Russo, welcome.

Minister McFigglehorn. This is my lovely wife, Giada.

She's here for, uh, emotional support.

Not that I need emotional support.

[chuckles] Or that there's anything wrong

with admitting that one needs emotional support,

- 'cause sometimes... - It's nice to meet you.

[chuckles] Uh, by the way, how often are you in our TV?

Not that often.

Oh, I was kind of hoping you'd say never.

[hesitates] So, how does this work?

Do I, uh, take an oath or give a speech

or fill out paperwork?

We'll get to that. Maybe.

Maybe?

You see, when we announced you're a candidate

for the Tribunal, a couple of citizens

volunteered to speak about what kind of man you are.

One of them isn't Alex, is it?

Oh, no, your sister is away on a mission.

These character witnesses are right over there.

Remember us, Russo?

Isn't that the gnome you tricked

so you could get Milo's body back?

And that's the centaur that I tipped over on boys' night.

[chuckles awkwardly] Now I wish it was Alex.

[chuckles]

Good luck, Mr. Russo.

I can't think of any reason why you won't get this job.

[laughs]

I can think of two.

There's got to be something in here about the amulet.

This place is filled with stuff,

and we don't even know what we're looking for.

[gasps] I think the amulet knows.

Let's try this way.

[sighs] Nope, not this way.

[amulet chimes]

- [sighs] Not this way either. - [amulet chimes]

[gasps] I think it wants us to go this way.

To find this.

A blank canvas. I will never understand art.

Whoa, that girl looks just like...

Me.

She even has the same amulet.

What do you think it means?

Maybe it doesn't mean anything. Maybe it's just a coincidence.

Yeah, it's a total coincidence that Billie's amulet

led us to a painting of someone who looks like Billie

holding an amulet that looks like Billie's amulet.

Total coincidence.

[gasps] Look, there's something written on it.

[hesitates] What language is that?

That's Ancient Elfish. That's the language of elves.

You know, I took that class at WizTech.

Great, so you can read it?

I said I took the class.

I didn't say I passed it

Giada, this is bad.

The centaur and the gnome, they hate me.

They talk to the Tribunal, there's no way

- I'm gonna get a spot. - No. Relax, you've just got

to get them to like you.

Oh, you mean like turn on the Russo charm.

[chuckles] Honey, you're cute. I mean bribery.

What's one thing garden gnomes can't resist?

Whoa! Is that Ficus for me?

It can be. Little gift.

My way of saying thank you for not saying bad things

about Justin to the Tribunal.

You think you can buy me off with a houseplant?

I knew this wouldn't work.

'Cause you can! I'm outta here.

Never doubted you for a second.

[munches] I got to admit,

this is pretty nice.

Oh, well, you deserve it, my friend.

And once again, I sincerely apologize for,

you know, uh, tipping you over in the wizard pasture.

That was pretty messed up. Because of you, I had to see

a chiropractor and a veterinarian.

Again, I am so...

- [munches] - ...so sorry.

All done. [giggles]

Thanks for giving me the back end.

The front wasn't so great either.

Wow, thanks.

You know, Justin, maybe you're not such

a bad guy after all.

I'm gonna head home.

I wanna show off this tail to a cute unicorn

who lives in my building.

[hooves clopping]

[chuckles] We did it! We won them over

with nothing but our wits and our Russo charm.

[chuckles] Well, that and some--

Wits and Russo charm.

Oh, man, now nothing's standing in my way

of getting on that Tribunal.

Let's go. Come on.

Oh! Oh, sorry, sir. I didn't see you there. Oh, no!

Well, well, well, if it isn't the jerk bag

from the wizard market.

Any chance you're not here to speak to the Tribunal?

[chuckles] You wish.

Actually, I do.

If none of us speak Ancient Elfish,

how are we gonna figure out what this says about the painting?

I know! We go to a cemetery, dig up an ancient elf,

Billie brings him back to life, and he translates it for us.

I can't bring things back to life.

You can't? I gotta start being more careful.

Look, I'll just use a translation spell.

There's no time to learn an ancient tongue,

translate this phrase while we're still young.

What's it say?

"As... the... prophecy..."

Prophecy about what? Can't this thing go any faster?

Bet you wish you dug up that elf.

"As the prophecy foretells, wand in hand..."

- [Gardor] Milodor! - [gasps]

Where are you?

We gotta get out of here.

We can't. It's not done translating.

I brought you a latte.

What are-- Milo! What are you doing?

I've always wanted to try a latte.

Milodor! I hope you didn't trick me.

That would make me so mad!

Oh, great! We just made Gardor so mad,

and he was kind of unhinged to begin with.

Come on and go faster!

Billie, you stay here. We'll distract him.

With what? "The Russo charm"? That only works for Dad!

Just come on.

"As the prophecy foretells, wand in hand,

a powerful girl..." [gasps]

"A powerful girl"? I like the sound of that.

What was that?

"She's the one..." [chuckles] I'm the one!

The one what?

Where'd he go?

Maybe he left.

Gotcha!

Nope, still here.

I think we got off on the wrong eye.

On the wrong eye-- on the wrong eye--

on the wrong eye-- eye-- eye-- eye-- eye-- eye--

It's okay, I have another one. I have another

eye-- eye-- eye-- eye-- eye--

That was highly inappropriate, but very catchy.

Do you have any idea how humiliating it is

to have a meme about you go viral?

I'm starting to, yes.

Now you know what kind of man Justin Russo is.

But-- Um-- A meme? [stammers] Is that all you got?

Please! Okay, my husband will not be taken down by a meme.

Wait, I know that voice.

You're the troll from the wizard market.

Yeah, well, obviously I'm not really a troll.

I was just pretending to be one so Justin could fool you.

- [gasps] - [all gasp]

[sing songy] Giada, not helping.

Milodor, why are you so tiny? [gasps] You tricked me.

- I can explain. - I'm listening.

I tricked you.

That's your explanation?

I don't want to trick him again.

You guys are going to pay for this.

- Hey! - [gasps]

Over here, you big oaf.

You take that back. My mother was an oaf.

Glue-oh shoe-oh.

[grunts] What the? [pants] I can't move.

Let's go.

[strains, groans]

Wait, what are you doing?

Look, I need to see what this says.

[sighs] "As the prophecy foretells,

wand in hand, a powerful girl, she is the one who will..."

[Milo] Billie?

- Come on, who will what? - [Roman] Uh, Billie?

Hang on, guys, it's almost done.

Oh, we're done, all right.

I'm banishing you to the Realm of No Return!

Don't worry, I got it.

Okay, he's got it.

[screeching]

Man, I can't believe I'll never know

what that prophecy says about me.

I'm just gonna go ahead and assume it says

you get banished to the Realm of No Return.

You know, based on our current situation.

Mr. Russo, do you have anything you'd like to add?

For your sake, I really hope you do.

[chuckles] Hey, you still have a chance, okay?

These people have no idea who you really are.

You have to show them.

You're right. [clears throat]

Esteemed members of the Tribunal,

based on what you heard today, I may not seem

like the ideal candidate, but I...

[indistinct chatter]

Tour guide?

- But where are the kids? - Mr. Russo?

Uh... Right. I assure you, there's nothing more important

to me than standing right here.

Actually, I gotta go.

Well, that was a real roller coaster.

It is now time to vote on whether or not

we let Mr. Russo into the Tribunal.

- [sighs] - I know I've made up my mind.

Wait! You can't make your decision yet.

Why not?

Because you don't know who my husband really is.

And sure, he just ran off without telling us

why he was leaving or where he's going.

And yes, I am a mortal with no real idea

of how I got here or how I'll get back.

- Could you get to the point? - [Giada sighs]

We only have this room until four.

What I'm trying to say is,

Justin Russo is the best man I know.

He leads with his heart. And he always does what's right.

Whoa, whoa, stop!

[Giada] Justin always fights for what he believes in.

[grunts]

[Giada] He bends over backwards for the people he cares about.

He's a man of integrity and does everything

by the book...

and he inspires others to do the same.

I got you!

[Gardor groans]

And if that isn't the kind of man

you want on your Tribunal, then you don't deserve him.

What do you think you're doing?

Protecting my kids. Now don't move.

[chuckles] You can't tell me what to do.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Minister McFigglehorn.

You take orders from the Tribunal,

and Justin is on the Tribunal.

- He is? - You are?

I am?

Uh-- But-- But the Cyclops.

We had a surprise character witness,

someone who knows you better than anyone.

It was me. She means me.

You were willing to put others above yourself.

That is exactly the kind of wizard

we want on the Tribunal.

[gasps] I'm on the Tribunal!

Dad, that's awesome!

Yeah, but how did you know we were here?

Well, when I saw you weren't on the tour,

I thought of the one place you weren't supposed to go,

because I knew that's exactly where you'd be.

And here we are now.

I hate being predictable, but I like being alive, so. Thanks, Justin.

Gardor, the Realm of No Return. Really? You are in big trouble.

He was only doing his job. If anyone should be in trouble,

it's us.

Oh, don't worry. You are.

Come on, kids.

Uh, Billie, time to go.

Wait for me!

[sighs]

- Bye, Gardor. - Bye, Milodor.

Actually, it's just Milo.

[groans] You tricked me again!

Gotta go!

[sighs] I guess I'll never know what you wanted me to learn.

Hey, Billie!

What? What are you doing?

We're supposed to stay in our rooms.

I wanted to give you something.

[gasps] You took it?

It's your prophecy.

You deserve to know what it says.

[chuckles softly] "As the prophecy foretells,

wand in hand, a powerful girl, she's the one who will..."

"...end the world."

What?

I'm sorry, did you say, "end the world"?

Were you eavesdropping?

Well, I didn't want to interrupt a nice moment between you guys,

but I also wanted to hear what the prophecy said,

so eavesdropping seemed like the right move,

but now I'm kind of regretting it.

Maybe you read the prophecy wrong.

Yeah, yeah, maybe it said, "bend the world,"

or "defend the world," or "offend the world."

That last one I could definitely see.

No, the prophecy's clear.

A powerful wizard is going to destroy the world, and...

that wizard...

[♪ dramatic music playing]

…is me.

[♪ music fades]