Original subtitles

Okay... wait. You have to wait for everyone else to play too.

We only have so many balloons.

- Adam. - What?

Would you do Daddy a favor and get the root beer

from the kitchen for me?

- Yeah. - Thank you.

Got the root beer.

- Thanks, Adam. - Yeah.

Happy birthday.

Oh, yeah! Thanks.

Adam's the birthday boy.

This is your child. He's Adam's friend.

- And this is Adam's birthday gift. - Thank you so much.

Adam was turning nine

and I realized I hadn't thrown him a single birthday party.

To save money

it was suggested I use background actors

for all the party guests.

But I only remembered once they showed up

that union rules prohibit extras from speaking.

I guess they say gluten-free is like, healthier so... Yeah.

Right. I'll let you get back to it. Yeah.

I guess when normal shows do stuff like this

they add fake party chatter in post-production.

But when the point is to actually experience it in the moment

it doesn't quite work.

Happy birthday to you

You guys can... You can clap. Yeah.

It wasn't the most realistic party

but it saved us over $15,000.

And most importantly, Adam seemed to be having a blast.

Like, he's mixing the two together, you know, like Christmas and...

like Christmas trees, and Hanukkah, and...

Now that the six-year-old actors were done

one of the mothers requested I unravel some of the stuff

her son had learned during the rehearsal.

- He's the... - Jesus is almighty

- and powerful. - Jesus is... You accept Him as...

- Our Savior, our Lord, our King. - Our Savior... your Savior.

He is the Savior and the King

and Judaism is just some, like, pretend thing.

- Yeah. - So, you're...

You should be excited to be Christian

because you get to go to Heaven

but I have to go to Hell as a Jew

and so you should not want to be Jewish

because you'll suffer like me and I'll burn.

Yeah.

With everything I was having to deal with behind the scenes

I was starting to feel like I was constantly being pulled away

from the experience of fatherhood, I was hoping to rehearse.

During the party

there was one child actor who played Adam at age six

that kept sneaking back into the home

after the nine-year-old had already taken over.

It was the end of his final day

and he was refusing to change out of his Adam wardrobe.

- No. - Come on.

Let's go change your clothes.

I don't want to leave.

Oh, it's okay.

- You wanna give him a hug? - You want a hug and...

All right, I can see... We'll see...

We'll see if we're gonna come back and see him again.

Yeah, yeah, I can see you. Oh, it's okay.

- Give him a hug. - It's okay. I'll see you again.

We'll see each other again.

His name was Remy.

And if I'm being honest, out of all the kids in this project

I sort of got along with him the most.

I'm here to see the doctor.

I'm Doctor Farts. Come and have a seat.

Okay, thank you.

I assumed he was just having a normal kid tantrum.

- Hey. - I don't wanna leave!

Okay, but listen. Here's the thing. We have to leave.

But then, his mom, Amber, gave me some insight

as to what might be going on.

Now that he's getting older, he sees other kids with dads.

In that school, there's dads picking up their kids

and he's definitely wondering, "Where's mine?"

- Oh, really? - Yeah. It's really tough.

This morning, I was explaining him, "Y'know, you're gonna be Adam today.

You're gonna have a birthday party."

You know, he's like, "Oh, is my pretend daddy's gonna be there?"

I said, "Yeah," and he goes, "My pretend daddy loves me."

And I was like...

My heart literally broke into a million pieces, like...

actually, even talking about it, I could almost cry

just 'cause I feel so bad for him

but, yeah, it is what it is.

Are you gonna say bye?

No. I don't want to leave you.

It's okay. It's okay.

We'll see each other soon.

I'm sure, okay?

Okay.

- All right, guys. Thank you. - It's okay.

And after that

I found myself struggling to transfer my emotions to the new Adam.

Hey, Dad. That party was so fun.

I got to see all my friends.

Oh, I'm glad you had a good time.

You're the best dad.

I love you.

I love you too.

Well, I'm gonna go back to playing.

- All right. - Bye, Dad.

Bye.

I had enrolled Adam in a Jewish elementary school

to continue his spiritual learning.

It made me feel like a good Jew.

Even though I knew the moment I looked away

his real parents would pull up and intercept him

so they could take him to his real school.

I had planned several challenges for myself

that I felt a real parent might face.

So, at 4.00pm, when he was brought back for me to pick up

the actors were instructed to launch into a scenario I had scripted.

Hey, Adam.

I'm having a sleepover this weekend.

You wanna come?

Sure.

You're not invited. So, how are gonna come then?

Don't cry, Adam.

My hope was that I could practice counseling my child

through a complex emotional experience

an area where I fear as a real father, I may fall short.

I wanted to go to that sleepover.

You really want to be friends with those guys, huh?

Maybe next time they ask you to hang out, you should just say, "No".

You wanna practice that?

Sure.

Hey, Adam.

You wanna come to my sleepover?

No, thanks.

Good.

So, you know they don't have any power over you.

Right?

You're in control, 'cause you don't want anything from them.

You don't want their friendship.

But I was starting to feel

like I was just solving a puzzle of my own design.

Thanks, Dad.

No problem.

And instead of being present with my son

my mind was elsewhere.

I spent a week with a child who had no dad

pretending that I was his dad.

What's the guy's name in the house?

Daddy.

What did I think was going to happen?

I love you, Daddy.

- What did you say? - I love you, Daddy.

Oh, I love you too, Adam.

His mom had reached out asking if I wanted to come visit.

Maybe, it was time to check in.

Hey. Hey, buddy.

- Come here. - Okay.

- Looking at this. - What is that?

That's you and that's me at the birthday party.

- That's me? - Yeah, and that's me.

It was strange being in a real child's home

after being in a fake one for so long.

I wasn't used to this level of detail.

Every object was perfectly placed, but nothing was by design.

It was a work of art.

And it was just real life.

Daddy!

- Hey. - Daddy.

- Yeah. - Look, I made this at school.

And also I cut out this little man.

- Hey. Hey. - What?

You don't have to call me "Daddy". You can call me Nathan. Okay?

No. Daddy, you're being silly.

No, 'cause we were just playing Daddy, remember?

We were just pretending.

I don't want you to be Nathan. I want you to be Daddy.

Right, but we were just pretending, right?

So, now, we're back to Remy and Nathan.

And also, I don't want to be...

I don't want you to be Nathan.

Well, that's my name.

Has he been doing that?

Yeah.

I wondered about that when we first started, I was like...

"That's probably like a really difficult role

for a child who really doesn't have a dad."

And he's just, like, doesn't want it to not be real.

So, it's actually really sad.

He's such a cool kid.

Sorry, I'm like, don't even know why I'm getting emotional, I just...

- No. - I love him to pieces, so, like...

I hope this isn't affecting him.

But it was really cool and I know he, like, loved it

and he super, like a lot of fun.

Yeah, that was... he was so great.

And it's not like I think anybody did anything wrong.

It's just more like my mind wondering.

Yeah. Does he know what acting is?

Like, does he understand a little bit? Or...

I don't know.

I really don't. Honestly. I'm not sure.

Look what the bird give me.

The bird gave you that?

Yeah.

What is that?

Can you listen to this? This is very important, okay?

- What? - It's very important.

So, remember how we were making a TV show?

And...

I'm Nathan, right? You know that?

You... I don't want you to be Nathan.

- Yeah, but Daddy, Daddy... - But, honey, listen...

When we were doing Daddy, that was pretend

because we were doing...

- We were making a show. - We... we were playing

and it was fun.

- And acting, and... - And acting.

Do you remember when we were being dinosaurs?

- Yeah. - And chasing each other

around as dinosaurs?

- Yeah. - We weren't really dinosaurs, right?

We were just playing and having fun, right?

Yeah, a dinosaur.

Where do we punch the dinosaur?

Yeah.

And that's kind of like when we were doing...

when we were doing Daddy and Adam

that was just play like dinosaurs.

But in real life

you're Remy and I'm Nathan. And we're just friends.

Right? We're just friends.

- Right? - Does that make sense?

And so, and what do friends do?

Nothing.

No, friends hang out and have a fun time.

And then they go do their own life.

And then they'll talk, you know, and like hang out sometimes

and it's fun, right?

So, it's... if you don't...

- No... Come here. - No. You've to call me Nathan.

I need to tell you. This is very important.

Come on, listen to me.

Listen to me.

That is not your daddy.

That's not your daddy. That's our friend, Nathan.

And you are Remy. And you're not Adam.

And we were just playing pretend. Okay?

Yeah.

Aw, thank you.

What?

I wanna stay with...

- Yeah. - But...

Bye, Da... bye, Nathan.

Good. Okay.

I still love Nathan.

I know.

That's okay, you can still love him and he can be your friend.

So, did you see that guy Max, again?

How'd that go?

Amazing.

Yeah?

They invited me to something, I said, "No".

So, they just walked away.

Great.

Guess your advice did work.

Good.

You know I'm not your real dad, right?

Wait, what?

Like...

you know I'm not actually your dad.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

- Like, we're just acting. - Yeah.

- You know that, right? - Yeah, yeah.

And you understand what that means?

- Yes. - Okay.

Do you have a dad?

- Yes. - Okay.

Sorry. I didn't mean to insult you professionally.

- No, no, it's fine. - No, no, you're just...

you're a good actor, so I really can't tell, you know?

I just wanted to be sure.

Okay.

Do you feel like I'm, like...

believable as a dad? Like...

I mean, you're a great scene partner.

Good.

Yeah.

What on earth was I doing?

Everything about this rehearsal just felt so trivial now.

Maybe the best use of my resources at this point

would be to figure out what I could have done differently.

I love you, Daddy.

What did you say?

I love you, Daddy.

Oh, I love you too, Adam.

To live these moments again and see if there was a better path.

I'm Doctor Farts. Come and have a seat.

Kind of hear how he talks.

After all, how can you move on from a mistake

if you don't even know what you could have done to avoid it?

What did you say?

I love you, Daddy.

Refer to me as Nathan, please.

- Is that okay? - Yeah. Okay.

I tried experimenting with a slightly colder demeanor.

Okay. You don't need to hold my hand.

You're a big boy now, okay?

To see if it could have helped prevent a bond being formed.

Okay, let's not just... Let's play the game.

We can still have fun. We don't need to hug.

Daddy, can you read me a bedtime story?

Aren't you...

Aren't you old enough to read one yourself?

But all this forced detachment felt like it was defeating the purpose

of rehearsing being a parent.

All right. Maybe a quick one.

Perhaps I could have avoided these issues

if I used older kids to play the younger ones.

I love you, Daddy.

What did you say?

I said, "I love you, Daddy."

I love you too, Adam.

Then I could have been just as affectionate

and caring towards them and they would never get confused.

- No! - If their performance

is good enough

maybe I could have looked past any visual inconsistencies.

It's not hard to be in the moment with a great actor.

Here's my sleepy baby. Here's my sleepy boy.

But even though I gave it my best

something about this just didn't sit right.

- Good night, Adam. - Good night, Daddy.

And I found myself constantly distracted by the thought

that I was living with a fully grown man.

And removing humans from the equation entirely

proved to be just as weird.

Oh, I love you too, Adam.

Well, if there was nothing I could have done differently with the kids

maybe I could have changed my approach with the parents.

- Amber. - Amber. Good to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. - Okay, come on in. Yeah.

What could I have said?

Maybe...

Or should I have done something different

on that day we say goodbye?

It's okay.

What?

Hey, what can I do? What do you want?

I don't wanna leave.

Well, we can say it's a goodbye.

You wanna give him a hug?

Hey!

So, maybe it was Angela.

Yay! That was so much fun, right?

If she had never left, maybe that would have made all the difference.

You have to be good and listen to your mom, okay?

- You're doing great. - She was so good with the kids.

- Okay. Thank you. - Okay. Bye.

And with a fake mom in the house the whole time

maybe he would have known it was all pretend.

You see?

But what could I have done differently to make her stay?

I...

I can make it better.

Things can improve. I can improve.

I just feel like we're just going back in circles

and it's never gonna change.

I'll just take my tea.

What could I have said?

What could I have done?

No, but don't go.

That's all you have to say?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, then, I'll just take my tea.

Why do I always end up here?

Well, I can change. I can try to...

I mean, I can't change 180

but I can change some small ways for sure.

Well, then I think you've made your choice.

And I'll get my tea.

I'm sorry. I am who I am.

And I am who I am.

Right.

I'll just take my tea.

How does this keep happening to me?

What else can you do when you're trying your best?

Okay.

- Yeah. - I'll just take my tea.

I just wanted to apologize for suggesting that...

you weren't taking this seriously.

You were navigating it as best you could and...

So, I'm sorry. I'm the...

I was the problem, not you.

I appreciate you saying that.

All is forgiven.

Really? Just like that?

Well, there's a scripture

that talks about forgiving someone seven times.

But Jesus says, "The new teaching is I tell you...

70 times seven".

Is that?

77 times seven?

Then Peter came up to him and said

"Lord, how often shall my brother sinned against me

and I forgive him as many as seven times?"

and then Jesus said, "I do not say to you seven times

but 70 times seven."

So, it's like if we have to forgive our neighbor that much

and we have to love ourselves like we love our neighbor

then we also have to forgive ourselves that much.

All right.

- Hey. - Hi, guys.

- Hi, Remy. Do you remember Liam? - Yeah.

He's an actor too. He played Adam also.

He was at the birthday party. You switched with him.

- You remember him? - Yeah.

Three, two, one, go!

No! No!

Forgiving yourself sounds so easy and nice.

Watch out.

But how does a person actually do that?

- He called me Nathan when I came in. - Yeah. Totally.

So, what do you think he's thinking?

I think he's... accepted it and he's kinda like, chill with it.

He gets... He doesn't think I'm his...

Yeah, he... he gets it, for sure.

- You think so? - Yeah.

I think that he will be okay.

I do. I think that he will be okay.

How you convince yourself of that?

I didn't convince myself. I'm just gonna make sure he's okay.

So, he is, and I just know.

Like, I just know.

Like, I don't know how to explain it.

It's something you don't know until you, like, have a kid. If you do.

What did you see in his face that makes you so sure?

Myself.

It's just one of those things. I don't know. You just know.

You're strong...

Could it be that the path to forgiveness

lies in someone else's eyes?

Where did you get that sweatshirt?

Buckle.

- Yeah. - It's nice.

Well, thank you.

What's your name again?

Nathan.

- Nathan? - Yeah.

He is crazy.

I just wanted to call you "Daddy."

- No, we're not going back to that. - No, no, Nathan.

That doesn't worry you, what just happened?

No.

No.

Bye!

Bye. See you later.

- My TV friends are leaving? - Yes, they are.

You may never be able to change what happened

but maybe, with a new perspective, you could try to change yourself.

Did you get enough?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay, good. Buckle up.

Remy.

- Yeah, Mom? - Hey.

You want to record that TV show audition now, baba?

- What do you think? - Yeah.

Yeah? Okay, come on.

Hi, I'm Remy.

I live in Oregon

and I have so many toys that are in my room.

Like, one, I have a... I have a Groot plushie.

I really like to sleep with him.

And I also have a dinosaur...

That's the house you're gonna be in right there, huh.

Cool, huh?

Hey, Amber.

- Hi. - And you must be Remy.

We are excited to have you guys be a part of this.

Let me introduce you to the director. All right?

- Okay. - It's a very unique project.

- Okay. - Come inside.

Do you guys have Hungry Hungry Hippos?

We sure do.

Right. So, sort of free form.

We won't be sticking to the script.

- Okay. - But of course

anything that happens inside the home

we'll be sure to clear with you beforehand.

- Okay. Great. - All right.

- Do you want me anywhere? - Well, yeah.

You're free to watch everything here at the monitors.

- Okay. Thanks. - Okay.

- Yeah. Let me... I have to go. - Yeah, sure.

So, how are you today, Adam?

Good. Yeah. Good.

Yeah. What have you been doing?

Just hanging out in your room?

He's kind of a weird dude, huh?

Can I get you some soda or sparkling water?

Oh, I'm okay.

- Sure? Okay. - Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.

All right, well, let me know if you need anything.

Sure. Thank you so much.

Do I get to see Daddy tomorrow?

You do. Does that sound good?

Yeah.

You know he's your pretend daddy though, right?

No, not on... Don't, baba. Not on your nose.

No... this is gonna hurt you.

Okay, you want some food? Are you hungry?

- How was work today? - Good. Just busy.

While you were at work today, he kept asking to see his dad.

- Do you know what that's about? - Yeah.

That's just the TV show he's been doing.

I told you about that, Mom.

Right.

Do you think he's a little young to be getting into acting?

No. He's having a lot of fun.

I just worry about him sometimes.

I love you, Daddy.

What did you say?

I love you, Daddy.

Oh, I love you too, Adam.

They said you're gonna have a birthday party soon, huh?

Is my daddy gonna be there?

Yeah, he's your pretend daddy, baba.

- Okay. - Okay.

My pretend daddy loves me.

- Okay. Come on in. - Okay.

Let's go.

What's wrong? Are you sad?

- You wanna hug? - You wanna give him a hug?

- No. - I could...

We'll see you.

We gotta go, okay? We can't stay here.

- It's okay. - I don't wanna leave. I don't...

I know. Mommy has to go. You give him a hug, and say goodbye.

No.

I mean, it's just complicated 'cause he's now seeing kids at school

and they have their dads

and he's kind of wondering where is his.

- You know? - Yeah.

And so, it's just new to him, new concept.

I get it. I hope it's okay.

Yeah. Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.

Okay.

But I don't want you to be Nathan. I want you to be Daddy.

Right, but we are just pretending, right?

And now we're back to Remy and Nathan. Okay?

I don't want... I don't want you to be Nathan.

I want him to be Daddy.

It's okay. It's okay.

He said he wasn't my daddy anymore.

I'm sorry, baba. That must've been hard for you to hear.

Why did he say he was my daddy?

I know.

That man didn't mean to confuse you, honey.

He just didn't know what he was doing.

You know?

He's not that different from you.

He's just figuring stuff out and messing up along the way.

Maybe we shouldn't have done that show, huh?

It's like a weird thing for a little kid to be a part of.

But you know what?

Mommy's not perfect, okay?

She makes mistakes too.

And you're gonna make mistakes.

Look at me. You know what?

I think it's a good thing that you're sad

because it shows that you have a heart.

And it shows that you can feel, and you can love

and you can put your trust in others.

Is that a smile I see?

Is that another thing you're feeling there, a smile?

How do you feel if Tickle Monster attacks you?

See?

Life is better with surprises.

I mean, some things, you wanna be prepared for

but, you know what I mean.

No. You got me.

Tickle Monster got me now. What the heck?

That's weird, but you know what?

It's okay if you get confused. It's okay to get sad.

Because no matter what you experience

we have each other.

And I'm always gonna be here for you, okay?

'Cause I'm your dad.

I... wait, I thought you were my mom.

No.

I'm your dad.

Come here.

Good boy. You wanna go play now?

- Yeah. Let's go. - Okay. Let's go play.

Okay. Let's go.

Translator: IYUNO