All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S06E17-18.1080p.NF.WEB.x264-MRSK

I just wanted to check and see
if there was anything you needed

before I went on
my maternity leave.

Yeah.
I'm pregnant.

Great. Well,
I'll write up the order.

Wait a minute.
Okay, thanks.

You can't do that. You cannot
exploit your baby for sales.

Hey, did I tell you
we're gonna have a baby?

Thank you very
much. I'm excited... Oh.

Definitely.
No. No!

You need to come by
your sales honorably.

There is nothing dishonorable
about talking about your life.

People like it.

Hey, there.
Dwight Schrute here.

Listen, uh, would you be
interested in restocking on paper?

Yeah, I could sure
use the money.

My cousin came down with a case
of that nasty new goat fungus.

Oh, it's just horrific.

The doctor says he's never
seen it beard so quickly.

Okay.

I need a baby. I'll never
outsell Jim and Pam without one.

Also, I've been noticing
a gaping hole in my life.

Sometimes I wake up
cradling a gourd.

Kevin, you're
such a gourmand.

I cooked my way through
Julia Child's cookbook,

and now I'm halfway through
The Twilight Cookbook.

Last night, I had
Edward's cornflake chicken.

Hmm.

Pregnant Pam and I, we
get hungry at the same times,

so we've been eating
together a lot. Not all meals.

Just second breakfast, lunch,
second lunch and first dinner.

I thought that maybe we should do
something special for early dinner.

One last ultra feast.

Mmm. That sounds great.
What are you thinking?

I think it should be
a surprise.

Getting there, huh?

No, no. I still have time.

I'm having contractions, but
they're irregular and far apart.

So I'm not really in labor,
I'm near labor.

Yeah. We're slow-playing it
because of our stupid HMO.

If we check in
after midnight,

I get an extra day to
recuperate surrounded by doctors.

Not to mention
the extra night's sleep

in the hospital
will be very nice,

because once we
bring the baby home,

if it's crying all night, one of
us is gonna have to take care of it,

and I do not plan on
helping unless it's a boy.

I cannot wait for
that joke to be over.

Oh.

Contraptions! She's
contrapting! Okay, you know what?

I think that I should drive you guys
to the hospital, and here is why.

I am a licensed Class C driver
in the state of Pennsylvania.

Michael.
I gassed up the car.

Actually, I put diesel in this
time. Tried to save some money.

Michael, you shouldn't
have done that.

Happy to do it.

Also, I did a heck of a job
baby-proofing this office.

You know the baby's not
gonna live here, right?

Well, the baby
was conceived here,

so might as well live
here a little bit, too.

Mmm. That logic's airtight, but
unfortunately it wasn't conceived here.

Burning Man, Porta Potty.

Yuck! TMI. How was it?

I don't want to know. Tell me
later. Let's go! Let's go! Hospital!

Okay, okay, we're not
going to the hospital.

We are waiting
until midnight.

Ooh! Spooky. But why?

Because the insurance company
only covers two nights.

Everything's fine.
We have plenty of time.

Well, you don't want
to wait too long, Pam.

Otherwise the baby's gonna
become a teenager in there,

and you'll be up all night
from the rock music.

Shut up, Nick. God!
What a weird thing to say.

Weird IT nerd. Don't
get revenge on me, nerd.

What are you looking at?

Nerd.

Did you know that
labor can last weeks?

Then they take your insides out
and they just plop them on a table,

and sometimes epidurals don't
work, and you can poop yourself.

Bear my child.

Excuse me?

I want to have a child
for business reasons

and I want you
to be the mother.

If you agree,
say nothing.

If you disagree,
say anything.

Very well.
Let's meet at 4:00 p.m.

In our old meeting spot
and bang it out.

That's seven minutes.
Here we go.

Hold on. Hold on.
This is happening.

It isn't midnight yet.

Are you serious? Pam.

No, the doctor said
every five to seven minutes.

I'm gonna be okay. We should
really try to make it to midnight.

Pam, please.

Yeah, no,
you really should,

'cause if your
baby's born tomorrow,

he's gonna have
the same birthday

as Buttmud Brooks,
my old roommate.

Did you hear that?
Buttmud Brooks.

Okay, but we are leaving
at five minutes apart.

Five minutes apart.

So the plan was seven minutes,
but we're calling an audible,

because that's her call,
'cause she's the quarterback.

I'm just the left tackle who
happened to get her pregnant.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay. Stop watching me.

Okay, Crazy.

I think I have some better
things to do with my day

than worry about you.
Like sell printers.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, now until Friday, 20% off all
toner cartridges, that's a big deal.

While we're on the subject, why don't
I just run you down to the hospital

and just do a quick
check?

Not till midnight.

Guys, a word of advice,
speaking as a former baby.

Don't get too hung
up on baby names.

I was named Walter Junior
after my father,

until I was about six or so, when
my parents changed their minds.

I thought you said your younger
brother was named Walter Junior.

My brother was born

and my parents felt he better
exemplified the Walter Junior name,

so they gave it to him.
I was given Andrew,

which they got out
of a baby-name book.

You know what? It's getting
really crowded in here.

Maybe you guys should all go back
to work 'cause the day's not out yet.

No, no, no.
You know what?

You can't tell us
what to do

because you are not
co-manager anymore.

Yes!

I feel like this noise
is gonna prevent Pam

from being able to listen
to her body's signals.

Actually,
the distractions are good.

I don't think I'm gonna
make it till midnight

if I'm just sitting here
thinking about it.

Distractions are good!

That means conference room, five
minutes. No, no, five seconds!

Right now, right now,
conference room.

Topic, potpourri.
Let's go!

Um, I'm sort of
a master of distraction.

When I was a kid,
my mom received compliments

left and right
from my teachers

on how I was always able
to distract others in class.

Try to think, "What were
the first 13 colonies?"

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

The purpose
for this meeting

is to take Pam's mind off of
what's going on inside of her body.

Can we do
sleight-of-hand tricks?

I will allow that.

Yes! Can anyone do those?

I'm gonna go look
at the Internet.

All right.
That's a good one.

Okay.

Sorry, guys.
Just keep talking.

Okay.

Oh, God, Pam.
You are a woman warrior.

Oh. Thanks, Kelly.

Does anybody have anything?
Anything interesting, any hobbies?

Uh, special skills?

Yes, this is the only time

I'm ever going to make
this request. Yeah, Phyl.

Yeah. I can put on lipstick
the way Molly Ringwald does

in The Breakfast Club.

No, no. I don't think
anybody wants to see that.

I can do the Evolution
of Dance dance.

That sounds good.
Do you need some music or...

No, actually, music
would just throw me off.

Okay. I need complete silence, okay?

You're clapping.
I need complete silence.

Totally threw me off, so
I'm gonna have to start over.

The Evolution
of Dance dance.

"You let me in your bed
But now I sleep alone

"Trapped with the forgotten
In my detritus home"

Affirmed, Seattle Slew,
Secretariat, Citation,

Assault, Count Fleet, Whirlaway,
War Admiral, Omaha, Gallant Fox.

And... I know this.

Uh, the jockey was Johnny
Loftus, sired by Star Shoot.

Good afternoon.

Have a seat.

What is this?

Before we conceive a child,

it is important that we bang
out a parenting contract.

Of course.

It's been a long time since
we've come down here separately.

You know, I was thinking...

Now then,
let's get to it, shall we?

Ltem one. Child will be
breastfed by the mother

for exactly six months,

then weaned onto a nutrient-rich,
winter vegetable mash

provided by the father,
Dwight Schrute,

hereafter referred
to as Morpheus.

Agreed?
Agreed.

Where are we? We have every six
minutes, ladies and gentlemen.

Another 75 contractions and
you are going to be there.

For the love of God, Pam,
do it for ultra feast.

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna
go give Dr. Rezvani a quick call.

He'll probably know...

Jim, please,
happy thoughts here.

Happy times. Yeah, happy times. Come on.

Let's have happy times.
All right.

Jim, as a matter of fact,

I've printed out
10 ways to induce labor,

and I'm thinking we just do
the opposite of those things

and we can slow down
your labor.

Erin, read the first one.

"Stimulate the nipples."

Okay, nobody touch
Pam's nipples.

Think of Pam's nipples
as Toby's grundle.

Her shirt is touching them. Maybe
we should cut holes in her shirt.

I have a shirt
like that in my car.

Okay, yeah,
why don't you go get it?

Okay, uh, the second one
is "walk around."

We're already doing
the opposite of that.

Perfect. Okay, number three,
eat spicy foods.

Okay, the opposite of that.

Stick spicy food
up her butt.

Nope. Nope.
Nope. Nope.

- Come on. Let's go to the
hospital. - Jim. Jim.

Pam, let's go to the hospital
now. Sweetie, I love you,

but you're really distracting
me from my distractions. Mmm-hmm.

Okay, great.
Well, sorry.

Why don't you go
do some work?

Great. I will do that.

Sorry, Pam, I just feel a
little bit frazzled, and you know

how very rarely I use that word. I know.

"Frazzled." You
don't like to be frazzled.

No, I don't.
- Okay.

Oh. And by the way, hate that you're
helping her with this right now. Totally.

Someone's freaking.

Getting a little frazzled.

Yeah, he is.

I know Pam better than
anyone in this office,

and obviously
she's gone crazy,

but everybody wants
to say that I'm crazy.

But I'm not crazy. She's crazy.
I'm not crazy. She's crazy.

"Five to seven minutes."

"Five to seven minutes."

"Six minutes."
Different, but not really.

"Five to seven minutes."

Acceptable names include,
and are limited to,

Ebenezer.
Jebediah.

Honus.
Jedediah.

Worf.

No Star Trek names.

Okay. Fine.

What if it's a girl?

Irrelevant question.

Section 5A.
"Child shall be male."

Hey. Uh-uh.
I cannot control that.

You can't put that
in here. Yes, you can.

No. It's as simple as keeping the womb

extremely warm for
two days after sex,

and then extremely
cold for five months.

Absolutely not.

Hey.
Hey.

Oh.

I'm not gonna
get in the car,

'cause I know if I do, you'll
try to drive me to the hospital.

Ah!

You know me too well.

Okay, Jim.
Yeah.

Everything is fine.

Totally.
You don't have to worry.

Try not to think about it. She's
not coming out for a while, okay?

Did you say "she"?

I called the doctor, like,
a week ago. I couldn't wait.

Oh, God, don't be mad.

Mad?

How could I be mad?
We're having a little girl.

Mmm-hmm.

Wow. We're having
a little girl.

Man!
I know.

Whoo! All right.

Well, I definitely feel better. Good.

Yeah. All right.
Okay.

Hey, did you change?

Oh, yeah.
My water broke.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh! Whoa!

Pam? Pam!
Okay. All right.

Okay, it's time. Time to go to the
hospital. Somebody get Jim, please.

Is it midnight yet?
No, it's 4:35.

4:35. All right. Almost
made it. Almost made it.

Too bad you didn't have sex,
like, seven-and-a-half hours later.

But you had to have the
afternoon delight. I understand.

Sometimes you
have to go for it.

Let's go to the hospital,
shall we?

No. Not yet, Michael.

We can do it.

Oh, wow! It's almost
time for ultra feast.

Where's Kevin?
What?

You want to eat cat food with
Kevin and not go to the hospital?

That's Fancy Feast. Ultra
feast is something they made up

so they can pig out together
in the name of ceremony.

What is October Feast?

There is no rush to get to the
hospital. I'm fine. I'll get there.

And if I don't get there,
I don't get there.

Our ultra feast
menu's theme,

Hollywood.

We have ratatouille
from Ratatouille,

and tandoori chicken
from Born Into Brothels.

I tried to bake a cake like that
District 9 prawn thing, but I...

Are you okay?

Mmm.

Yes. I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah, the doctor said that it's
still considered a minor contraction

as long as I can talk
through it.

Okay. Okay. Jim?

- I think this feast is over...
- All right.

...and it's time to go to
the hospital. Time to go.

No.
That's right.

Let's do this.
Let's give it a shot.

No, it's better.
- Here we go.

- That wasn't even the worst of
them. I'm fine. - Hey, come on.

They're not that bad still.
Let's go to the hospital.

Pam. No, it's passing, it's fine.

Pam, it's time. Let's go to
the hospital. Let's go, Pam.

It's okay. Michael
says we should go now.

- Yeah, I think we should
head out. - It's fine.

Pam. You know what?
It passed. It's good.

Absolutely fine. Come
on. Let's go. We gotta go.

Babe, I'm not going.
We need to go.

It's fine. Hey, come on.
We really gotta go.

No. I'm not going!
I am not going, okay?

All right.

I'm not going today because I can't
do it! I don't think I can do it!

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding?

If anyone can do this,
you can do this.

You can do this.

You can do this.

Pam, I'm scared.

I'm real scared.
I'm scared, too.

I'm petrified.

But the best news is,

we're gonna
have a baby today.

Yeah.

A really
awesome baby.

We're gonna have a baby.

So let's have it
at the hospital.

Let's do that.

How are we doing on
contractions? Two minutes apart.

Two minutes.
Oh, God.

Oh, no.
I thought I told you...

It's okay. No, I told
you to warn me at five minutes.

Jim, we waited too long. I know.

We waited too long. Two
minutes doesn't do us any good.

- What happened to four and
three? - We're okay, Jim.

Okay, Pamela, you know
what time it is?

I don't want to
have my baby here.

You know...
You're not going to.

You know where you're
going? The hospital.

Yes you are, and you know
what you're gonna have?

A baby.
Yes.

We're going to the hospital
and we're gonna have a baby.

I got it! I got it!
Everybody, it's go time!

Action station!
Stanley, man the phones!

Meredith, please
grab a bottle of water.

Erin, call an ambulance,
please!

No, no, no.

Ambulances are
emergencies only.

You call the ambulance,
I call the cops.

- All right, we're driving ourselves,
actually. - No, Jim.

You are in no
condition to drive.

I will drive you.
Check. Got it.

- All right, I have my wallet.
- Yes.

Go bag's in the car.
Go bag? Where's my go bag?

Keys. I need my keys!
Where's my go bag?

There's nothing in it.

You are telling me now that there
is nothing in it! Okay, great.

Should I bring a
dictionary to the hospital?

The hospital will
provide dictionaries.

Bring the thesaurus.

Did anyone check
how dilated she is?

This is ridiculous.
Dwight, get away.

No, no, no, Dwight, let
Jim do that, please. Okay?

I didn't know we had
a tape measure.

"We" don't.

Okay, I can't find my keys!
I cannot find my keys!

Found them. They're here.
Here we go. Here we go.

- Here we go!
- Good luck!

- Good luck, Pam.
- Bye, Pam.

Thank you! Wish me luck!

Have fun!

Hey, it's 5:00.

Here we go.
Here we go. On our way.

Hold it.

Come on,
Stanley. Okay.

We're going now.
No. One more.

Can I... No, no, no,
no! Out, out, out! Idiot!

Dwight, what is
the traffic like?

Doesn't matter.
I'll escort you!

All right.

Let's go!
- Easy, Dwight.

Michael!
What?

Michael!
What?

This is where I saw
that deer last week.

Where?
Right over by that fence.

By the bushes?
Okay, Michael, focus!

Okay, go, go, go!
Guys, come on!

Let's go!

I love
escorting people.

In fact, a few years back, I put an ad
in the paper starting an escort service.

Got a lot of responses. Mostly
creeps. Made a few friends.

All right, here we go.
You're doing great.

Okay, just breathe.

She'll be here soon.

She? You found out?

Come on, guys.
I wanted to be surprised.

Michael!
Yeah?

Stop texting. Put your
phone away! Michael, come on!

I'm texting
about you, okay?

Come on!

All right.

Let's move!

- What?
- Pull over.

You're kidding me!

Pull over.

You're not allowed to
impersonate a police officer.

Don't make this
difficult, Dwight.

Wait! Wait, my iPod's not in here. Okay.

It has the
birth song on it.

Okay, I know, but my
iPod is in the go bag.

We'll be fine. Jim, I
don't want the first thing

the baby hears to be
the 8 Mile soundtrack.

Okay, so what do you
want to do? I don't know.

Let's go by
the house and get it.

It's only 20 minutes
past the hospital.

Pam, no. Are you nuts? We're
going to the hospital now.

Guys, guys,
stop fighting. Come on.

Come on. Do you want your
kid to come out a lawyer?

Right?

Okay, you know what? I am all
over this. Here we go. Ready?

Dwight Schrute.

Hello, Dwight.

Pam left her iPod at her
house. I want you to swing by,

pick it up and bring it to the
hospital. We need it yesterday.

Then why didn't you ask me
to do it yesterday?

I kept IM-ing you
how bored I was.

Okay.
Dwight!

Go to my house, get my iPod. I
think it's on the kitchen table.

Do not touch
anything else.

The key is under...
I don't need a key.

Okay, Dwight, but if you do need a
key, just listen, it's under the...

No, don't. Don't.
Don't tell me.

Dwight, just listen.
It's underneath...

Okay.
You all right?

Yeah.

Do you have everything, guys?

Michael, just
go park the car.

Okay. All right.

Sir! Dunder Mifflin. It's okay.

You can't park here.

I just did.

Pam's doing great. Uh,
she's 10 inches dilated now.

Sorry, meters...
Centimeters.

And she's also fully effaced,
which I don't know what that is.

But no baby yet. It's only
been six... Nineteen hours.

And I was sent out
for some ice chips

because I might have
passed out a little bit,

but these are very
refreshing, very...

Daddy?
She's ready to push.

Okay!

Where's my little niblet?
Halpert, room D1. All right.

Family only beyond
this point. Thank you.

Here we go.

Doing great.
Push again!

Not yet.

No, don't push.
Pull! Pull!

Why don't you get
some more ice chips?

No, Jim, stay!

Okay.
Really push this time, Pam.

Okay.

Nope. Not yet.
Not yet. Not yet.

Gotta go wash my eyes.

That kid's gonna
have a lot of hair.

Have you guys seen her?
She hasn't popped yet.

What? Damn it! She was
supposed to come out yesterday.

I decided to
give Baby Halpert

the newspaper from
the day she was born.

This frame set
me back 55 bones.

But she decided to
take her sweet time,

so now I have to switch it
with today's paper.

This is ridiculous.
We just can't wait here.

I think it's gonna
be any minute now.

But you don't know that. We could
be here another half an hour.

Phyllis, what could
you possibly have to do?

I have an ice cream
cake in the car.

Oh, my God! Go! Go! Go!
Are you insane? All right.

Guys? Hello?

You're doing
great. Just relax. Um...

Sorry to be a bother, but if we could
have an ETA when this is gonna...

You're kind of
losing them.

God!

Oh, my God.
Look at her.

The baby,
she's so beautiful.

Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's
right. It's a baby, see?

Sir.

Sir, you can't smoke that in here. Okay.

Put it out.
All right.

Can't smoke
anywhere these days.

She's incredible.

You want to count her
fingers and toes again?

No, let's let her rest. I'm
sure there are still 12 of each.

Okay.

Guys, guys!

Her name is
Cecelia Marie Halpert.

Eleven pounds,
four...

She's seven pounds, two
ounces, 18 inches. Seven pounds.

Mother and daughter
are doing great.

Congratulations.
That's great.

There.

Hey, Grandma's back.

Well, it was an adventure and a
half trying to find the cafeteria,

but I have returned
with the coffee. Great.

Thank God. I haven't had
caffeine in nine months.

- May I?
- Yes.

Somebody has
a full diaper.

Oh. Let me get it.

I am a diapering master.

I have done little else
in the past two months.

There is nothing
I cannot diaper.

Go ahead. Try to think
of something. I dare you.

Where's
the baby? I want to see the baby.

Oh! Oh.

Helene, hi.

Oh, my goodness. What
are the odds of this?

Congratulations
on being a grandma.

Hello, Michael.
Hello.

Oh. How are you?

I worry about you.

You know, I think
it's time for me to go.

Oh. Okay.

Love you.

Love you as a friend.

Love you, Mom.

Oh!

I want to hold the baby.

Okay, you just have to use
the hand sanitizer first.

Oh, right.

Again. No pants.

Oh. Okay.

Ready?
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, wow.

Michael. Michael.

That's so weird. She was saying
it just before you got here.

Yesterday I was dispatched to
Jim and Pam's house to find Pam's iPod.

I searched everywhere,
but I didn't find it.

What I did find was mold,
and lots of it.

So, I did what
anyone would do.

I read a book, had a bath,
I got a good night's sleep,

and I made plans
to eradicate it.

I also made plans to ask Jim where
he bought his marvelous sheets.

Time to get to work.

There she sat.
Her name was Pam.

She was a receptionist. She
was engaged to an animal.

There sat Jim. He was
a gawky, tall salesman.

The odds of them getting
together were insurmountainable.

I made a family. I got these
two together and I made a family.

This man has a gift.

Who else here is single?

I'm not single.
I have a man.

I am offering up my
services to you all.

You saw what I did with Pam
and Jim. I can help you, too.

Why don't you find
someone for yourself

instead of meddling
in our affairs?

Okay, show of hands. Who
wants to live in a world

where Stanley has two lovers
and you don't have any?

Who else? Come on.
People, I know models.

Plus-size
models, maybe.

You got that right. Meredith?
Come on. You're obviously single.

You know it. I am never getting married.

Like Clooney.

Andrew? What about you?

Torn scrotum.
Still on the mend, so...

Not good timing.

Yes, I'm gonna ask out Erin. I'm
just waiting for the stars to align.

Literally.

I have a small
skylight in my bedroom,

and I'd like for
the moon to be visible.

Well, when you least
expect it, expect it.

I am going to fill the empty
voids in your life with love.

I am going to fill
that empty hole

in your body
with another person.

And like Cupid, I am going
to shoot you with love.

Remember yesterday, when we
were terrified of being parents?

We were just kids.
What did we know?

Hey, how we doing?

Good.
Great.

Would you like me to take her
to the nursery for the night?

Doesn't she sleep here?
She can.

But a lot of parents
choose to have the baby

spend the first
night in the nursery

to get some rest.
You've been through a lot.

I think
we'll be okay.

Okay, great.

Big yawn.

Ready, one, two, three.

One, and
then wrap around.

It's okay.

I don't understand.
Hold that arm down.

I can't. She's too strong.
Careful, though.

You don't want
to break it.

She's not
going to... Just...

I got it. All right.
- Go. Go.

I'm done.
Nurse?

How you doing?

I don't know.

I just... I can't tell
if she's getting anything.

Really?

It doesn't feel right.

Well, you're pushing
the milk out, right?

How would one do that?

Well, isn't it kind
of like... Like that?

Do you want to try it, Jim? Mmm-mmm.

I think you're good.
Doing a good job.

Somebody buzzed?

Oh, really?
Must have sat on it, Pam.

I can't tell if
she's getting anything.

It just doesn't
really feel right.

Well, maybe we should take
a break for a little while.

I can take her
to the nursery

and then bring her back and
try again a little bit later.

Even if she's not
getting anything?

Yeah, she'll be fine.

I can always give her a bottle
once we're in the nursery.

No. I read in the book
about nipple confusion.

Oh, good.
You know everything.

I mean, she's just really
tentative about latching,

and I just want to
keep her self-esteem up.

I'll bring her back in a little
while and we can try again, okay?

All right.
All right.

It's gonna be all right.

Yeah, maybe it'll
be good 'cause then

she can, like, socialize
with the other babies.

No, yeah,
that would be good.

You wanted to see me?

What would you say

if I told you that I was
about to change your life?

Oh, boy!

What's that sound?

Ta-da!

I would like you to meet
your new boyfriend.

Yes.

I don't know
what to say.

Say nothing. You will learn to love me.

Okay, hold on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You got to let
the cookies cool

before you pop them in your mouth. Okay.

Why don't you guys get to know each
other, maybe have lunch together?

Erin, would you
have lunch with me?

Okay.

Good.
Yes!

Michael, can I talk
to you privately?

Sure. Kevin, please leave.

Bye.
- Bye.

I'm so sorry if I
gave you the impression

that I'm into Kevin,
but I'm not. I like Andy.

Okay.
This is going to kill Kevin.

I'm sure he'll be fine.

I'm not so sure.

Kevin has an
enormous heart.

Literally, he has
an elephant heart.

He had a transplant
when he was 17.

Had some problems... Really?

No. Kevin doesn't have an elephant
heart, but he is very sensitive,

and it won't kill Erin to just go and
have lunch with him in the break room,

like I promised him.

I bet his heart
is enlarged, though.

I don't want
anyone to die.

Just don't let
him sit on you.

I'm kidding.
You'll have fun.

It'll be good. It'll
be good. There he is.

Go to him.

Hi.
Hi.

Nice. She touched
my shoulder.

Hey, guys. We're short on
rooms, so this is Dale and Kathy.

Oh.

Hi.
Hi.

Sorry.
Hi. So sorry.

Careful.

Wow, she just shoves
the nipple right in there.

I know.

Did you see that?
I'm pretty sure she's...

Hey.

Did you grow up
around here?

No.

So, you must have grown up
around somewhere else?

Yes.

Why was I hiding
behind the plant?

Well, in college
I took a botany class,

and there was lots of
drama in that class. Uh...

Kids would gossip about me,
so I would eavesdrop on them

by hiding behind different
plants in the botany class.

And then they
would say things like,

"Oh, this guy's gonna
fail this class,"

or, "What's this guy doing
spying on us from behind plants?"

And then I would
jump out at them

and confront them
and be like,

"You think all I do is hide behind
plants and spy on people? Busted."

Oh. The reason?

The reason I was hiding behind
that plant in this situation

was that I thought that Erin and
Kevin were kind of hitting it off,

and I was jealous.

Uh, hi. Pam Halpert?

Yes.

Hi, I'm Clarke.

Josie said you might benefit
from a lactation consultant.

Yep.

Um, yeah,
that would be great.

Really great.
When's she available?

Actually, I'm the consultant.

Got milk?

All right, let's see
what we're working with.

So, the biggest thing besides not
being able to get her to latch...

I'll get that for you.
Oh, thank you.

...is that I can't tell
if I'm really producing.

I don't know if she's
getting anything.

Let me feel here.
Okay.

Yeah,
it's quite full.

Why don't you put your
hand on top of my hand?

Okay. When you're feeding you want

to press in like this, make
your hand in a C. Does that hurt?

No, it feels pressure.
Okay.

You sure it doesn't hurt? No.

It just feels like pressure.

- Feel how I'm flicking
the nipple? - Mmm-hmm.

Like that? It's stimulated. Mmm-hmm.

Yep. Yep.
- Mmm-hmm.

So you just want
to do that and that will...

Perfect.

The baby
should grab onto that.

I think she will.

I'm just not sure if I'm releasing,
though. I'm not sure if...

- We'll figure it out,
probably. - It doesn't...

Why don't you bring
your baby over here?

Okay.

She's beautiful. Yes.

Oh, thank you.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

Well, you're doing a good
job. Just stay relaxed

and I'll come back in a
bit to check on you. Okay?

Okay.
Please do.

Oh, shoot. Shoot,
she fell off.

Oh. Uh...

Try the torpedo thing.

Will you just grab
Clarke real quick?

No need. I saw him
do it. I can try it.

Jim, please, please, please. I think
it would be weird if you did it.

That makes sense. I'll
just go get the other guy.

Hey, what's up, kid?

Have you had a chance to look over the
revisions on the contract I prepared for you?

Nothing left to do except dot
the I's, the J's and the umlauts.

Why don't you meet me here
at exactly mid-late afternoon?

I look forward to it.

Very well.

Goodbye.

Jim. Jim, get her.

Hmm?

Get the baby.
Get her, come on.

Okay.
I know, I know.

Okay. Come here.

All right.
I got her.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Jim. She latched.
She latched!

That's amazing.

Oh, my God. I didn't even
have to do the C thing.

That's awesome.

Oh! We're doing it.

That's great.

We're really parents now.

Kevin, Erin would like
a few words with you.

Hey.
Hi.

I've really enjoyed
our time together.

Yeah. Me, too.

I want to continue
working on our friendship...

It was really, really fun.

...'cause I think our friendship
could be a really cool thing.

Yeah. Me, too.

And you're my friend.

Yeah. I hope that I'm your friend.

Yeah.
And...

Oh, my God.
This is agonizing.

Look, Kevin, do you really think
that you could have dated Erin?

You said she liked me.

Okay, even if someone told
you that, you should know

that that could
never be possible, Kevin.

And I'm surprised that you didn't
question me in the first place.

I've done better
than Erin.

No, you haven't.

Lynn was way hotter
than Erin, Michael.

Lynn was as hot as Erin.

Yeah, Michael, but
you dated Holly and Jan

and they were so
much hotter than you.

This isn't about me,
and that is debatable,

and I have a personality,
whereas you...

Yes, Andy?

Kev.

Nice going.

Knock-knock.

Oh, hey, Isabel.

Oh, hey.

Pam, she's gorgeous.
Can I hold her?

Yes.

She was a little
fussy earlier,

but she's totally
quieted down.

Here. Let me just burp her. I
don't want her to spit up on you.

Look at you.
Come here, sweetie.

Oh, my God.
- What?

Wrong baby.
What?

Wrong baby.
This is not our baby!

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Has she been
fussing long?

No. Not at all.
Perfect.

I was out like a light. Hey!

She's not hungry.

How's it going?
Well,

I feel like she needs to eat,
but she just won't latch on,

which is weird,
because the other baby...

Bottles are fine. A lot of
babies grow up using bottles.

So, you excited to
take your baby home?

We definitely are.
At 3:00, right?

You said we could
stay until 3:00?

Yeah. You can.

It's 2:35.
Half hour.

Well, 25 minutes.

And you're all set
with the car seat?

Yes. Car seat's
right there.

That bottom part
needs to go in the car.

Newsflash, the whole thing
needs to go in the car.

Be back in 25 minutes.

Or it can be a half hour,
if you need it to be.

Can we get
a late checkout?

I don't think
she heard me.

Hello?

Dwight? What...
What are you doing here?

Isabel, hello.

Yeah, the kitchen
was disgusting, so...

Wow.

New cabinets.
Yeah.

All I did was bring
macaroni and cheese.

Where's the fridge?

Oh, it's in the backyard.
I'll take this.

Well, I'll let you
get back to it.

Hey, listen, I know that I'm an adult,

but maybe I could come by
sometime for a teeth cleaning?

You know, just for fun.

Well, adults are supposed
to go to the dentist, too.

Are they, now? How some
people spend their money, right?

Yeah.
All right.

I'll call you, kid.

Do that.

You really sure
we should be leaving?

Yeah.

But you hear the baby
crying, right? Mmm-hmm.

Where's your car?

It's in the lot.

A lot of fathers
bring the car around.

Right. Okay. Yes. That
would be a smart thing to do.

Uh, Pam,
I will be right back.

Okay, please hurry.

Erin, I need you to send
this fax immediately.

It's really important,
so I'm gonna stand here

and wait for
the confirmation.

Okay. Good.

The fax says, "Erin, will you
have dinner with me? From, Andy."

And the number is
our office fax number.

It's
busy. Why don't I keep trying

and then I'll give you
the confirmation in a bit?

Sorry.
That's unacceptable.

I need you to send it
immediately or you're fired.

You can't talk to me like that.
I didn't do anything wrong.

I've been
having a tough day.

Oh, God, no.

Um...

Just read the fax.

You read the fax.

I'm asking you out.

Oh, my God.
That's amazing!

Let me just fax this
and I'll check my planner.

So, it's a date?
Yes!

Do you have
a day in mind?

Yeah, what day?
What day?

Every day is fine.

What's that one?

Thursday?
Okay. Let's do it.

We... Okay!

Would you like me to help
you up out of the chair?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

We've just got a lot
of discharges today.

Okay. Okay.

Thanks.

All right, thanks.

All right.

Hey. You want to eat?
You want to try eating?

Okay.

Okay. Come here.

Just you and me.
Just you and me. Come on.

There we go.

Yeah. Oh, yeah!

Like that. Oh.
There we go.

You got it.

Five tickets on
the windshield.

Hey.
Hi.

We did it.

You used my move,
didn't you?

I used a variation
of your move.

There is no
greater feeling

than when two people who
are perfect for each other

overcome all obstacles
and find true love.

And that's what I thought that Erin
and Kevin were going to find today.

I think I'm going
to be sick.

Two forms of ID, please.

And now you.
Two forms of ID, please.

All right, all is in order.
I just need your signature.

What is it?

Nothing.

All right. How would
you like to celebrate?

Just pour yourself a cup
of apple juice. I feel sick.

What?

I couldn't find your iPod.

Give me a couple days.
Be out of your hair.