All language subtitles for The Simpsons s36e17 Full Heart, Empty Pool.eng

[alarm sounding]

["Are You Gonna Be My Girl"
by Jet playing]

Got to look good today.

I'm asking Amy to the prom.

[squeaking]

I meant school Amy.

Not you, Amy.

? Oh ?

? I said,
are you gonna be my girl? ?

Okay, just act cool.

Hey, Amy, you promming?

I... [groans]

So, Amy, some of your hair
got caught in your locker

and I took it.

No! No! God, no!

[mother] Andrew,
there's someone to see you!

[both squeak]

You've been served,
starter stache.

Wh-What is this, Dad?

That's a subpoena.

You've been called as a surprise
witness in court today.

I can't go to court.

I spent
all my after-school job money

on a skywriting promposal.

Testifying in court is a matter
of duty and honor.

Besides, everyone knows Amy
is going to the prom with Josh.

[groans]

? Are you gonna be my girl? ?

? Yeah. ?

Mr. Teen, isn't it true

that while working as
an employee of Builders' Barn,

you rented a backhoe to this man

Homer J. Simpson?

Yes.

And what reason did
Mr. Simpson give

for renting the machine?

To quote,
"dig a bitching swimming pool

"in his backyard, then throw
an awesome pool party

and not invite Flanders."

But in the process
of digging the pool,

Mr. Simpson destroyed
local gas, sewer,

and power lines,
causing rolling blackouts

that affect Springfield
to this...

-[electricity buzzing]
-...day.

This man is
so obviously incompetent

that he never should have been
allowed to rent a backhoe.

And that is why Mr. Simpson

is suing Builders' Barn.

He's suing us?

Your Honor,
I'd like to take over

the questioning, if I may.

Mr. Simpson, only a fool
has himself for a lawyer.

That's exactly my point, sir.

When Mr. Simpson,
that is myself,

rented the heavy machinery
in question,

isn't it true that my breath
smelled strongly of beer...

as it does now?

[exhales]

I don't know
what beer smells like.

I was going to have
my first one ever

at the after-prom party.

[crying]

Homer can't even unfold
a lawn chair.

I don't think
he understands doors.

He's fat and lazy
and carries diner jelly packs

in his shirt pocket.

That's irrelevant
and prejudicial.

Let her speak!

-Has the jury reached a verdict?
-Yes.

We're very disappointed
this turned out

to be a real trial

and not a hidden-camera
comedy reality show.

Also, we have no choice
but to find for the plaintiff.

-D'oh!
-You're the plaintiff.

-Woo-hoo!
-[sighs] I've spent 25 years

fighting for Lady Justice.

Today I learned she's
nothing but a painted tart,

and I run the flophouse
where she turns tricks.

I award Mr. Simpson
the minimum possible damages.

$95.

Yes! Come on, everybody.

Jury wave.

No alternates.

[Homer]
Kids.

Look what Daddy bought
with his settlement money.

Floatie noodles and pool balls?

We don't have a pool, Homer.

We have a hole,
which you can't fix

because the judge banned you
from renting

any class A
excavating equipment.

It's now
in the permanent court record

that I married a buffoon.

It was stipulated
by all parties.

On the plus side, Homer now
has an entry on Wiccapedia.

[gasps] "Homer J. Simpson is
the first American citizen

to become
a court-certified idiot"?

[groans]

Wow, and it's not just a stub.

The admin really put
some time into it.

Is this what you want your
legacy on this planet to be?

It's not just this.

I got other stuff, like, uh...

I fell into wet cement
in front of the church

and left a very recognizable
ass print.

-Mind the print.
-Aah!

-Mind the ass print.
-[groans]

-It's a big one.
-[groans]

And, uh, well, uh,
there's, uh...

Ooh, I know.

My legacy can be Lisa.

She's my legacy.

Aw, I called dibs on Lisa
in the delivery room.

I saw her first.

[both groan]

[Homer snores]

Legacy...

Who are you?

Where am I?

We're in the wonderful future.

And I'm your guide, travel
host and author Rick Steves.

Every Sunday night Lisa puts me
on TV and you fall asleep.

That's why you're sleeping
right now.

-[snoring]
-[French music playing on TV]

There's no better place
for a perfect gratin dauphinois

than on a train to Montrachet.

Someday, Rick, someday.

These statues honor
the legacies of the many people

who made a difference
in Springfield.

[snoring]

Sleep sleeping?

Legacy! Where's my statue?

You don't have one.

Because you've never done
anything worth remembering.

I bet Lenny doesn't have
a legacy statue.

Look what we're standing
on right now.

[Homer]
D'oh!

Lenny invented
invisible suspenders.

Guess what's holding up
my pants.

The point is, they're all
remembered and you aren't.

Now let me ask you
something else.

Have you donated to PBS
this year?

Never!

Dumb, stupid, dumb.

Abe, can you talk to him?

He's been at the bottom
of that hole for hours.

I've been feeding him
like a dolphin.

[yipping]

So, what's got you sitting
in a hole this time, son?

No legacy.

The nearest the Simpsons
ever came to a legacy

was when my uncle had
a soup named after him

at the chowder hall.

A lot of people got sick
from Stan soup.

So stop your ninny-whimpling
and get out of this hole.

Hey, you ruined my roundsie!

I ruin-sied your round-what?

When the ball goes
all the way around the walls,

I call it a "roundsie."

See? Roundsie.

That's the dumbest thing
I've ever seen.

Let me try.

-[Grampa laughs]
-[ball bouncing]

[Homer laughs, grunts]

[both laughing, grunting]

Whoa! [laughs]

[both grunting, laughing]

Son, I never played catch
with you

or tossed you a football

or taught you
how to ride a bike.

I hate you, you monster!

But now we have this.

Yeah... you're all right.

Noodles, balls?

What do you call
this wonderful game?

I don't know, but it's gonna be
something really clever.

We call it Noodleball.

It's exercise without movement.

It's safe
for your brittle bones.

And you don't have
to face the thing

all us seniors
fear about pools:

trying to peel off
a wet bathing suit.

-I'll try that.
-Give me one of those noodles.

[indistinct chatter]

Dad, maybe Noodleball
is what will make

the Simpson name live forever.

A legacy
that we created together.

I'll jelly to that.

Springfield's golden-agers
are lining up

to go six feet under...

in empty swimming pools.

So how does
this piscine pastime work?

If you hit the ball

past your opponents

and it bounces back to you,

that's a roundsie: one point.

[Grampa] Your opponents are
trying to block the roundsie

and hit it back
to score their own point.

[Homer] Play until three balls
get knocked out of the pool,

and then everyone can check
their phone for ten minutes.

So dive on in to Noodleball

and drown the dog days of summer
in the deep end of fun.

Speaking of dogs,
let's meet the spaniel

who's predicted
every Super Bowl wrong.

[squawks]

A perfect roundsie!

We win again!

Since you've been playing
Noodleball,

your weight gain has plateaued.

If you keep this up,
you could not gain 50 pounds.

Dad, look what just came
up on Wiccapedia.

[Homer]
Hmm.

The world is noticing
the Simpsons...

in a good way.

Look at these seniors,

playing like there
is a tomorrow.

? Na-na-na, come on ?

? Na-na-na-na-na, come on ?

? Na-na-na, come on ?

? Come on, come on ?

? Na-na-na-na ?

? Feels so good being bad ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? There's no way
I'm turning back ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Now the pain is for pleasure ?

? Oh. ?

Dad, Grampa, we have

a problem at the south pool!

Oh, another old person
three-way?

Just hose 'em out of there.

Worse!

Out of the pool, noodle heads.

It's summer,
and the kids want to swim.

Go jump in the lake, water baby.

You're in Noodleball country.

Even the very tall
need a place to swim.

And our children need
to cool off in the hot summer.

Won't everyone please
not think about the children?

[all groaning sadly]

Don't worry, there's other pools
in this town.

Hey, we were here first.

Talk to the tag.

Vape 'em out!

[coughing]

It's cotton candy bubble gum.

Don't breathe it in.

[worried groaning]

We're losing pools
all over town.

What if we try to take over
some pickleball courts?

No, those Wiffle Ball whackers
are psycho.

They killed tennis
without even breaking a sweat.

Dad, there's a new section
on your Wiccapedia page.

-Controversies.
-[screams]

There's a petition
to ban Noodleball,

"which has antagonized swimmers,

scuba practicers,
and frat house cannonballers."

Aw, that's
all the thought leaders.

We can't let Noodleball
end up a failed sport,

like racquetball or soccer.

Our father-son legacy
is in danger.

We got to do something.

Think! Think!

Hit harder!

Homer, Abe.

There's someone here
who wants to see you.

[whispering] I let him in
because he's wearing a suit.

Gentlemen, I'm Gabriel Razelton.

People call me "The Raz."

But you shouldn't
because I hate it.

I represent a consortium
of companies that can help

Noodleball not only survive
but thrive.

What consortium?

I can tell you,
or I can show you.

Uh, give us a minute.

Well, what do you think?
I'm all for show.

No, I think we should do tell.

-Let him show it...
-No, I prefer he'd tell it...

[overlapping arguing]

Okay, we want you to tell us.

No, you idiot, we decided show!

Oh, just give us
one more huddle.

Show! It was always show!

The avocado, or as some call it,

the alligator pear.

Simple, natural,

a little nutty,
just like Noodleball.

"Avi-cado"? Never heard of it.

The only green thing I eat
is Marge's Mountain Dew pudding.

Mm, oh.

That glop's easy on the gums.

It is pretty creamy.

Are you sure it isn't lard?

Absolutely.

You can see
why we at the Organic Pit-based

Enjoyment Council think
that avocados

are the perfect sponsor
for Noodleball.

Can you get us our pools back?

Oh, I can do better than that.

I give you...

the future of Noodleball.

This is the Avo-1 Noodleplex,

featuring
eight state-of-the-art,

-empty, never-swum-in pools.
-[both] Hmm.

Now, I hope you don't mind,

but we've put
a statue of you and Grampa

right at the entrance.

We'll be remembered forever,

like that dude
in the Lincoln Memorial.

We've got plans for all kinds
of avocado tie-ins:

oils, face masks,
hair conditioners.

Big A isn't just guac and chips.

[laughs]

[laughing]

Is this guy always so funny?

[both laughing]

I don't know.

So, can we make this deal happen

and raise an avocado toast?

[clink]

Oh, son.

We created a sport
that will live forever.

Now, Grampa, we've got
a PR guy just down the hall

who wants to hear
the story of your life.

Hmm.

[grunting]

When I was a boy, you kissed
any horse that walked by.

And that's how I acquired
my taste for hay.

Homer, I've always been
honest with you, right?

-Right.
-Wrong.

I lied when I said
Noodleball was for everyone.

No one's going to pay
to watch ancient athletes

break their hips
and have heart attacks.

Our vision of Noodleball is
for a younger demographic.

You want to make Noodleball
only for 20-somethings?

Oh, God, no,
they don't have any money.

I'm talking 40-to-60-year-olds.

The last generation
that can afford houses.

We have to scrub out
every trace of your father

and his gang
of shuffling catheters,

or Noodleball's future
is blacker

than a recently opened avocado.

I can't dump Grampa.

He's my father.

We're like brothers.

Oh...

I'm sorry, but my dad and I

created Noodleball together.

[sighs]

You're a man of rare integrity.

-But I accept your deci--
-I'll do it! The old man's out!

Homer, Marge!

Welcome to the first Noodleball

celebrity tournament.

Pretty fantastic, huh?

It's a very impressive tent.

Whoever ironed it knew
what they were doing.

Avocado oil Bellini?

Get that crap out of my face.

Now come, I want you to meet

some of the amazing
youth-adjacent athletes

who are competing today.

Blake Griffin.

Noodleball is the perfect game

for retired players whose bodies
have been permanently destroyed

by the sport they love.

Which is all of us.

Ow! My spinning finger.

It was supposed to be fixed

after my third
Meadowlark Lemon surgery.

Homer Simpson,

of course you know
Megan Rapinoe.

I bet Lisa knows who you are.

Lisa Simpson?
I love her Substack.

If you're her dad,
this explains so much.

Thank you, Megan Rapinoe.

Our targeted marketing
to 40- and 50-somethings

is really paying off.

My whole life I've worshipped

the false god of tucking in.

Step-in shoes!

Oh! I'll never lower my arms
below my knees again.

This is so amazing.

I just feel bad that Grampa
and the other old folks

can't be a part of all this.

Yeah, that's kind of
a sensitive subject.

You did tell him, right?

You know,
hard conversations like this,

it's all about picking
the right moment.

-Oh, Homer.
-Darling.

-Homer.
-My beloved.

Are you waiting
for your father to die

so you won't have to tell him
you totally screwed him over?

-Little bit.
-Oh.

That alligator-pear-pushing
parasite gave me the heave-ho!

Doesn't he know we're a team?

We invented this together!

Oh, great,
now your memory's good.

This was the only way
to save Noodleball.

At least one of us
can have a legacy.

And you betrayed me for that?

Guess what.

Legacy don't mean squat.

Squat?!

Justify yourself!

Who cares what people think
after you're gone?

You ain't there
to get the credit,

if they remember you at all.

Do you know
who Johnny Carson was?

Nope.

-David Letterman?
-Nuh-uh.

Jimmy Fallon?

Now you're just making up names.

Don't you see? You sold me out

for a few extra words
in your obituary.

What's an obituary?

It's where they summarize
your whole life in one sentence.

Mine's gonna read:

"He was stabbed in the back
by his son."

A real father would support
his son's terrible,

heartless decision!

Dad, someday can I screw you out
of something we create together?

You do and I'll destroy you.

How could making a deal
with avocados be a bad thing?

It's a good fat.

Well, growing avocados does use
a lot of water.

Over nine and a half billion
liters per day.

What's that in swimming pools?

-3,800.
-[gasps]

And the transport
of avocado products

endangers wildlife everywhere.

Avocado oil is
just using Noodleball

to cover up
the bad stuff they do.

You know, the way
Middle East oil spent billions

to create LIV Golf.

LIV Golf can't be bad.

I bleed
Mickelson's Maniacs blue.

And now avocado oil is playing
the same slippery game.

No, no, I won't believe it.

Not the Organic Pit-based
Enjoyment Council.

You mean OPEC?

Oh, "pit-based" is
kind of a cheat, but I get it.

I sold out my dad for avocado.

Oil, that is.

Green gold.

Tex-Mex tea.

I demand to play
in the tournament!

Of course you can.

You're on the cover
of Avocado Aficionado.

[Homer]
Oh, yeah, one went up my butt.

Your partner,
NFL legend Andrew Luck,

is waiting for you.

Join me, Homer.

I need a new sport.

My wife keeps telling me
to stop moving furniture around

and get out of the house.

Andrew, if I played with you,

I'd secure
my Noodleball legacy forever.

But at the terrible price
of supporting Big Avocado.

So there's another retiree
who I'm teaming up with.

[inhales]
My father.

We created Noodleball to keep

old people mobile and healthy.

We're taking our sport back,

legacy be damned.

And my son and I challenge
your best team.

Do you and this walking
wrinklebag really expect to beat

Blake Griffin and Megan Rapinoe?

We're playing now?

I just had
three avocado Bellinis.

What is it with you
and Bellinis?

They loosen me up, Megan.

?

Thanks for bringing me back,
son.

Dad, we never played catch
or tossed a football,

but we have this.

You're right, son.

And that's why we're gonna win.

We are this safe,
low-impact game.

?

[groans]

-[bones snap]
-Ow, my hip!

Ow, my heart!

[crowd gasps]

Noodleball is no more.

In its league premiere,
founder Homer Simpson

and his father suffered gruesome
career-ending injuries,

ruining Noodleball's
professional debut

and sending avocado
futures plummeting.

[Grampa groans]

Oh, my sport is dead,

and the only guy who showed up
to sign my cast is Andrew Luck.

Ooh, I get the whole space.

Mm-hmm.

Cheer up, Homer,
retirement is wonderful.

You'll have
so much more time to spend

on your charities
and with your family.

Oh! I want a second opinion
from Peyton Manning.

[groans]

I'm proud of you, Homie.

You stuck by your dad
and rejected Big Avocado.

Although if it comes in a salad,
I'm not sending it back.

I love it on a burger.

Or just spooned
right out of the skin.

[sighs]
If we just swam in those pools,

none of this bad stuff
would've happened.

Aw, but the water's so chilly
when you first go in.

[sighs]
Nothing good came out of this.

This is that backhoe-renting
weirdo's house, Amy.

Oh, Andrew, you were so brave

to testify against him.

Mmm.

[deep voice]
Oh, my.

? Come on, come on, come on,
I like it, like it ?

? Come on, come on, come on,
I like it, like it, come on. ?

[Homer] Official Rules
of Noodleball, section 29:

if a dog steals your pool ball,

you're allowed
to steal its ball.

[Grampa] All players
must count up their meds,

and the one with the most pills
serves first.

[Homer] The pool noodle
may be blown through

but not yelled through.

[Grampa]
In between points, a maximum

of three pictures of grandkids
may be shown,

four if the kids are costumed
or in a school play.

[Homer] If a player's
pool noodle comes untied,

that player must call "Flopper,"

and the play is suspended
until the laughter subsides.

[Homer] If the pool being played
in has a separate hot tub,

nice.

Shh!

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