Original subtitles

[stately music]

[woman sighs] I'm gonna make new friends.

That's what people do.

[sighs]

[woman] You're a normal person. You're a normal person.

You can make conversation.

It's gonna be fine.

[ominous music]

[indistinct chatter]

[woman exhales] Okay.

[tour guide] Hello, everyone!

My name is Cooper, and I'd like to welcome

the Cedar Springs Women's Walking Club

to Krypto Peak.

I know this is your first outing

as a group but I'm sure it'll be a...

great ice-breaker. Any questions?

- Nope. - [Cooper] No?

Okay, well, then, let's go!

Follow me...

into the trail!

[indistinct chattering]

[Cooper] Let me know if I... go too fast.

[Cooper] The smell...

The smell of the natural beauty of Krypto Peak, right?

Take it in. Can't get this in the city!

[Cooper] Good pace, everyone!

Okay. Remember we're a team!

[Cooper] We go in together, we go out together.

Look at that valley, huh?

Naturally beautiful, but we do have to remain vigilant

because you never know what could be on your tail.

[camera whirring]

[slurping]

[slurping]

[indistinct chatter]

[slurping]

[Cooper] Okay! Come on down.

Everyone gather around, gather around here.

So, how many of you are here because of some fascination

with the case of Barb Valentine?

[indistinct murmuring]

[Cooper] Barb Valentine was a veteran

in the field of cryptozoology

and a bit of a local legend.

The thing is, her disappearance is shrouded in mystery.

Now, "Crypto... what did he just say?"

- [laughter] - [Cooper] It means

"the study of the hidden," and its fundamental aim

is to prove the existence of creatures

like Ogopogo, the Yeti... like Bigfoot.

[hiker 1] Bigfoot? I... In this forest?

No, no, no, no.

Something way scarier

and infinitely more dangerous.

[Cooper] But listen, listen. Shh.

Three years ago, it was here on Krypto Peak,

they found Barb's things...

a tent, a sleeping bag,

but no body,

no bones, no blood, nothing.

No trace of Barb whatsoever.

[hiker 2] What on earth was this Barb lady trailing?

[Cooper] The Sookama, or "Sooka," for short.

The first documented sighting was back in 1925,

when a hiker claimed he was trailed

by a tall bipedal creature

covered in dark hair,

with a mole-like face.

- Sounds cute, don't it? - [nervous chuckling]

[Cooper] But, listen, recent reports are more abstract.

Metaphysical disturbances that are...

allegedly tampered with the space-time continuum

of a few unlucky souls.

[hiker 1] Let's pray she's still alive.

[hiker 3] Probably just upped and left,

pissed at her man. [laughs]

[all laughing]

[Cooper] Okay, let's keep going.

We have a lot of walking ahead of us,

so let's keep moving, okay?

[Cooper] Come on. Follow me.

Watch your step.

Please be extra careful.

No tripping, that's my only rule.

I have a few more rules, obviously,

but definitely an important one.

Oh, by the way, watch out for bears.

I mean, they're more scared of us than we are of them,

but some are pretty aggressive.

[eerie music]

[distant tapping echoes]

[eerie music continues]

[discordant music]

[faint growling]

[camera whirring]

[breathing heavily]

[roars]

[panting]

[screeching]

[discordant music]

[panting]

I don't know. I don't know, I...

- I told you, I don't know. - [hiker 4] Does anyone know

what this Kay Hall actually looks like?

[hiker 5] Dressed nice, I think?

Nice leggings and windbreaker and stuff.

[hiker 6] We just spent an hour retracing our fucking steps.

[Kay panting]

[water running]

Stay in touch.

Okay. So, this is the deal.

Before we call the big boys in,

Head Office suggests we go through the roster again,

only this time, move to the side when I call your name, okay?

Okay, Dina Anderson. Good.

Tricia Burnett. Okay.

Chloe Bohonos.

Thank you.

Cherie Collard. Yeah.

[Cooper] Avery Graham. Okay.

Kay Hall?

Okay.

Maggie McLaren.

Good.

Connie Rhys.

Thank you.

Enid Sternberg.

Yeah. Vivienne Wang.

Thanks.

Jean Wilson.

Kay Hall?

[hiker 6] You're shitting me.

Are you Kay Hall, sweetie?

[hiker 6] Where were you when he did the first head count?

Is this some kind of sick joke?

[Cooper] Okay.

Show's over, ladies. That's it.

Thank you for coming.

- [hiker 7] Is she okay? - [Cooper] We'll end it there.

Yep. That'll conclude our... our day.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, we got her.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know.

Yeah, I just... I just cut it there.

Yeah! Other than that, it was pretty good.

[suspenseful music]

[car beeping]

[gasping]

[sighs]

[inhales, exhales]

[coughs]

"Kay Hall."

[sniffles]

[engine starts]

[suspenseful music]

[engine stops]

Hello?

[clicks]

[Kay] Hello?

[snickers]

Jesus.

[Kay panting on video]

[phone rings]

[ring continues]

Yes?

[caller over phone] Oh, is this a bad time?

- Kay? - Oh, sorry, I thought...

It's Don. Yale Road Center.

How was your trip?

Uh... Hi, Don.

I... I'm sorry to bother you on your day off,

but we have a situation, and no one else is available.

Um, a... a situation?

[Don] Is there any way you could come in this afternoon?

Dr. Singh's mother's been taken in ill

with a suspected stroke, and among other things,

we've got an emergency extraction.

Shit.

[Don] You'd be doing us

- a huge favor. - Uh...

- Sure. - [Don] Oh, great!

We'll see you at one.

Thanks, Kay. Bye-bye.

[line clicks]

I'm a dentist?

[car horn blares, honks]

I'm a fucking vet?

Hey, Kay.

What happened to you?

So...

Mrs. Kim comes in screaming,

with sweet little Buster.

I'm telling you, everything was hanging out.

Bone, ligaments, nerves.

She fought off this crazy fucking poodle

with a spade.

How was your trip?

Sorry, I...

[vet 1] Kay!

Where are you going?

[eerie music]

[phone beeping]

[eerie music continues]

[sighs]

[softly] Barb...

Valentine.

[suspenseful music]

[Kay] What the hell?

What the fuck is going on?

[click]

[floorboards creaking]

Jesus!

[door rattles]

[panting]

[glass shattering]

[gasping, panting]

[strains] Agh!

[discordant music]

[engine starts, revs]

[engine revving]

[discordant music continues]

[gasping]

[softly] What the fuck?

How is that even possible?

[engine sputters, whines]

[engine starts]

[radio narrator] From the Sasquatch to the Ogopogo,

Canada is rich with incredible legends

about weird and wonderful cryptids

such as the Sooka.

[ominous music]

[radio narrator] ...after a spate of sightings

around Blue Cliff,

an eerie mountain location in southwest British Columbia.

And interestingly, Blue Cliff

is one of the last places

that eminent cryptozoologist, Barb Valentine

is known to have visited.

Whether the Sooka sightings

and Valentine's disappearance are connected

has been the focus of some very fierce debate.

[ominous music continues]

[ballad music plays in distance]

[bell rings]

Hello?

[glass shatters]

[innkeeper] Shit!

[groans]

One moment, please!

[sighing]

[mutters]

[sighs] Oh.

Sally Antoine at your service.

Do you have a room?

Oh!

Would you mind...

filling this in?

It's just a formality.

Oh, it's a great place to explore the valley.

I'll be making an early start.

Oh. Heading far?

Maybe.

A friend of mine went missing,

and... I'm retracing her steps

to see if it throws up something new.

Maybe you heard of her, actually...

Barb Valentine?

Barb Valentine...

[gasping] Oh, yes! The monster hunter!

I read about her in the Google.

The crime shows still turn up

to do their lousy reconstructions.

Did she stay here?

No, ma'am, she did not.

Oh, it's terrible,

all those people go missing around here.

It's like...

the forest just swallows them up.

Or something in the forest does.

Uh, thank you.

[ominous music]

Now, let me get you a key.

[reporter on video] ...dead ends that require a lot

of great detective work.

Essentially, Barb was like a chameleon,

following leads instinctively,

assimilating with local communities

in the hope of that crucial tip-off.

This is why she went to Blue Vale Lake

located in Southwestern BC,

whose intoxicating folklore

has also made it a perfect location

for the annual cryptozoology convention.

It was here, in Blue Vale Lake,

that Barb gave one of her last interviews

before she disappeared.

[interviewer] We caught up with local cryptozoologist

- Barb Valentine. Hello, Barb. - [Barb] Hello.

So, we're here at beautiful Blue Vale Lake,

and you're out giving this wonderful press conference

on, uh... cryptozoological creatures.

What brings you out here?

Well, there's a whole lot of buzz right now

around Blue Vale Lake

- because of the Sooka. - [interviewer] Mm-hm.

[keyboard clicks]

"Blue Vale Lake."

[keyboard clicks]

[interviewer] Right. The Sooka.

So, have you seen it?

Or encountered it in some other way?

I know you're keen to point out

that it could be something from the super spectrum.

Yes. I do believe I have.

[knocking on door]

Hello?

Fancy a drink?

[Sally] Meet at the bar in ten.

"Yes.

I do believe I have."

- [clinks] - [Sally chuckling]

[Kay] I don't really know what I'm doing here.

Mm... [inhales, exhales]

You strike me as someone special.

I'm delighted you stopped here, of all places.

[puffs]

Hey, I'm flattered.

No, really, I am.

But I don't feel very special... right now.

No, honestly.

I just feel like running away.

[laughs]

Being on the road... oh, nothing beats it.

No baggage and shit

could be truly a liberating thing.

Whatever divine spirit has touched you, Ms. Kay,

whyever it is you're running away,

I say embrace it!

♪ And if I ask you to stay ♪

♪ Stay, stay ♪

[distorted singing]

[ominous music]

[growls]

[ominous music continues]

[music intensifies, stops]

[sighs]

[man on video] Barb...

if you're out there somewhere,

please come home.

I miss you so much, sweetie.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[birds chirping]

[bell rings]

Sally?

[narrator on radio] ...really where any journey begins.

As we get older,

once we've learned to present

a more acceptable version of ourselves,

it becomes much harder to make new friends.

[ethereal music]

[ethereal music continues]

[music stops]

[grunts]

[gasps, sighs]

Jesus.

[ominous music]

[water running]

[Kay] Jesus.

Ah, shit.

- [roaring] - [screams]

Ah, shit!

No!

- [snarls] - No, no, no.

[heavy panting]

[gasps]

Jesus, lady!

- You scared the shit out of me. - [gasping]

Yes, you did.

[sighs] Starla Northstar is the name.

Uh, Ka... uh, Barb.

Barb Valentine.

[Starla grunts]

You looking for it too, Ms. Valentine?

[Starla chuckles]

It seems like everyone you meet around these parts

is on the same scent.

Have you seen... it?

Ol' Sooka?

I'll show you if you like.

It's not far.

[chuckles]

[Starla] Follow me.

[chuckling continues]

[slack-key guitar music]

[floorboards creak]

[glasses clink]

Mm, it's nice to have some proper company

besides my tapes.

Whoa.

[chuckles]

It's my special medicine.

Be warned, moves faster than shit through a goose.

- [gags, coughs] - [laughs]

- Good stuff, eh? - [coughing continues]

So if you let me squeeze in here,

and there we go.

We can get down...

All right.

Beast or spirit,

don't think anyone quite knows what this thing is.

I found traces...

smooth and silky to the touch,

but smelled like the foulest deuce you ever dropped.

[chuckles]

Uh, did you experience any bodily secretions?

Uh, yes, I... I did, um, from my ears,

and it was all over my sweater and in my hair.

Ah... It's textbook! Hmm!

Residue from the megacosm, but stinks like semen.

I get the sense there's a portal precisely...

[Starla] Ice cream?

Yep.

[slack-key guitar music continues]

- That's my daughter, Diane. - [Kay] Oh, she's beautiful.

[Starla] Ain't she just?

Ten years ago, I stopped by the roadside

to change a flat.

She went and took a pee in the woods

and never came back.

What?

[inhales sharply] It was the Sooka.

Time stood still that day.

Now all I do

is make sure my gear's in good working order...

just in case.

You like?

Do you wanna see something?

Okay. Here you are. Um...

Oh, just press play.

[Starla] Oh.

I took it.

It was... [gulps]

- There! Look, look. - [Kay panting on video]

[roaring]

[exhales deeply]

[Starla] Finally.

Do you think that even if it doesn't take you,

a brush with the Sooka could do weird stuff, like...

[Kay sighs]

...could make you forget who you even are?

It'd definitely fuck things up, that's for sure.

Ol' Sooka thrives on all kinds of crazy energy.

And oftentimes,

it's just too much for folk to handle.

You gotta just go with the flow,

like... like I do. [laughs]

[growling, snarling]

[distorted] Aw, I hope you ain't gonna puke.

- [whooshing] - Whoa, steady!

[Starla] Whoa, steady!

Steady, steady.

[discordant music]

[woman] Why don't you come with me?

[discordant music continues]

[sighs]

[grunts]

Oh.

[groans]

Uh, Starla?

[floorboards creaking]

Where's my...

Where's my...

[eerie music]

[creaks]

[ominous music]

[low growling]

[ominous music continues]

[yelps]

Are you okay?

I... I lost the trail.

The parking lot's just over there.

Beyond the clearing. Can you see?

No.

Uh...

Don't be scared.

It'll be okay.

Thank you.

[rock music plays on speakers]

[indistinct chatter]

- Jesus. - [server] Relatives pin them up.

It's all pretty tragic.

Hey, did they ever find this girl?

[server] Who knows?

Everything okay, lady?

Um, yeah. Sorry, I wasn't hungry after all.

Hey, could you recommend a motel...

- nearby? - [server] Hmm.

If you carry on up Highway 6, you'll hit the Bear's Den.

Can't miss it.

Thank you.

[light music]

[reporter] The renowned child psychiatrist

Morgan Valentine recently launched

a high-profile campaign to find his missing wife.

What precious little downtime Morgan has is spent tending

to his very special collection of orchids.

Since the disappearance,

Morgan has been a vocal advocate

for numerous charities.

[reporter] I understand there were many times in the past,

when her work, her various trips into the unknown,

meant that she slipped off the radar.

I appreciate that this is tough for you,

but, if you could describe Barb to our audience.

- Could you ask me that again? - [reporter] Absolutely.

[Morgan] I just want... I want people to hear this.

Who is Barb?

Barb is kind,

formidable, charismatic...

with a... a fierce intellect.

She's also the most beautiful woman in the world.

[whimsical music]

- [indistinct chatter] - [door closes]

[rock ballad plays on jukebox]

- Well, hello there. - Hi.

Can I get you a drink?

Um, which red wines do you serve by the glass?

Well, today, you have a choice

of the red one or the red one.

Right. Red, then.

- [chuckles] - Good choice.

[bartender] All yours, sweetie.

[woman] Cheers.

[Kay] Cheers.

[laughs]

[chuckles]

Thanks. [chuckles]

I've spent most of my life soaked.

But there are worse crimes.

Well, it's good to have a hobby.

[woman] True,

but ain't so good when it becomes your full-time job.

Right.

Once upon a time, I was in a traveling circus.

I guess you could call me a magician.

Anyways...

folks would pay good money

to watch me saw my assistant in half.

- [woman laughs] - In half?

Yeah, exactly.

[both laughing]

[woman] My other party trick

was making entire bottles of booze disappear.

[chuckles]

- Mm... hey! - [taps on table]

- [bartender] I'm coming. - So, what about you?

What do you do? Besides drinking, I mean.

I'm a zoologist.

A wazz-a-what? A zoo-what?

I... I hunt monsters.

- You hunt monsters? - [Kay] Mm.

My specialty is freaks of nature.

Well, you certainly came to the right place.

[laughs]

["Cambodia" by Kim Wilde plays]

Hey. Hey, hey.

If you're really gonna be chasing that thing,

you know, the Sooka...

[pants]

...you want to head north

till you hit Green River Trailer Park.

It's just this side of Merridale.

You're gonna wanna ask for Johnette Delaney.

You ask to speak to her.

Hey, she's... she's seen it.

It tried to get into her home.

You gotta be careful.

["Cambodia" by Kim Wilde continues]

You gotta be careful, okay?

Green River Trailer Park.

Johnette Delaney.

Let's go out for a smoke.

Oh, hold on, hold on. You're gonna catch your death.

I got something you can wear.

- [chuckles] - Oh.

Wow.

[woman] I used to wear... this...

in my professional capacity.

It's beautiful.

It used to make me feel like I could be anyone I wanted.

Oh yeah?

It always made me feel

like I could do anything I goddamned pleased.

Yeah, I feel different already.

- Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah?

Do I look different?

[woman] Oh, honey...

♪ He used to search her face ♪

♪ As though She knew the truth ♪

♪ Lost inside Cambodia ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

[woman 1 laughs]

[bartender moans] Aw, yeah.

Oh...

Ah...

[laughter]

[both moaning]

Yeah. Yeah! Oh.

[bartender panting]

[bartender groans]

[both moaning]

[bartender] Oh!

[laughter in distance]

- [door bangs open] - [indistinct chatter]

[partygoer 1] Gonna head out after!

- [thump] - Oops!

[chuckles] Just powdering my nose.

[giggles]

What planet...

do you come from?

[partygoer 1 continues to giggle]

We... we can be blow buddies.

Hey! Let me go, you crazy fucking bitch!

[discordant music]

[vomits]

["Cambodia" by Kim Wilde plays]

♪ And now The years have passed ♪

♪ With not a single word ♪

♪ But there is only One thing left ♪

♪ I know for sure ♪

♪ She won't see His face again ♪

[water splashing]

[splashing]

[Kay] Hi, um... Delaney?

Thank you.

[knocks]

[woman] Yeah?

- Hi. - Hi?

Uh, I just spoke to one of your neighbors,

and he directed me here.

Um, I'm looking for Johnette.

[local] What about her?

Does she live here?

Are you another one of them social workers?

I already told Ms. Pratt that the doctor

said that smoking helps with my anxiety.

Uh... no, I'm not from there.

Hmm. You look familiar, is all.

Well, my name is Barb Valentine,

and I'm a lecturer in ethnozool... eth... animals...

- Right. - ...stuff like that.

[Kay] But I also write about disputed creatures,

mysterious species, whi... which is why

my colleague suggested that I speak to Johnette.

[local] Well, you'd better come in.

Thank you.

Hey, maybe I... I should've called first.

No. No, no, no. Please, please.

I am sure she'll be thrilled. [laughs]

- [local] Ma? - [knocking on door]

Hey!

[knocking on door continues]

[man] What is it, Sasha? Need a lipstick or something?

[Sasha] Okay, fuck you, asshole.

[Johnette] Hey, baby, what's this about?

[Sasha] There's some lady scientist here

- to see you about the... - [man imitates monster growling]

[Johnette laughs]

[Sasha] What do you want me to say?

- [Johnette] I'm coming. Coming. - [Sasha] Great.

She'll be right with you.

- Great. - Mm.

[door opens]

[Johnette] You know, if I had my YouTube channel,

I'd be making a lot of dough right now.

You'd never guess how many goddamn visitors

I've had since my encounter.

I probably wouldn't shake my hand,

on account of the fact I haven't washed

since my lovemaking.

- [Sasha] For fuck's sake, Ma. - [Johnette] My name's Johnette.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Uh, Barbara.

[Johnette] So, Barbara?

Uh, so I understand that you had an encounter

with the Sooka?

[Johnette] Yeah, you'd be right.

Didn't you come knocking on my door once before?

I don't think so.

Ah, you sure look like one of those quacks

who came when it first happened.

[Kay] Well, you must be mistaking me for someone else.

Well, you do all look the goddamn same.

Well, as I said to...

- Sasha. - ...Sasha.

- [beer can opens] - Uh...

Uh, my interest is purely

from an anthrozoological perspective.

Ditch the fancy words, lady. They don't mean shit to me.

- [Sasha] Please, Ma. - [bartender laughs]

[bartender] Come on, baby. This lady seems real nice.

- No need to be shy. - Okay, I'm not being shy.

I'm sick of talking with freaks and crypto...

whatever they're calling them... twisting what I say.

[Sasha] Ma, it was one little story in the local paper...

[Johnette] Made me the laughingstock!

[Sasha] Okay.

They said it...

they said it tried to mate with me.

[bartender] Aw, hell. Can you blame it, sweetheart?

I tol... I told you it wasn't true.

It smelled the bacon I was trying to fry

and tried to break into the trailer.

[Johnette sighs]

Here let me... let me show you.

[Johnette] Look.

They said it was a bear.

I seen a bear. That ain't no bear.

[Kay] I think those aren't bear marks.

And any such disturbances certainly wouldn't be...

sexually motivated.

- Right? - Right.

You believe me?

I do.

It had a big gaping mouth.

It was all wet and sloppy.

I thought it was gonna suck me right in.

These giant hands... grabbing.

They were pink, like a newborn baby...

but sweaty.

I couldn't get the smell out for days.

Yeah, this is fascinating,

and it is in keeping with some other local reports.

Would you mind if I took some notes,

or talk a little more

- and I can... - Yeah. Sure.

Yeah.

You know, you're right, she's a real nice lady.

- Not like the others. - [bartender] Mm-mm.

Maybe you should invite her to tonight's party.

- [both chuckling] - [kisses]

[Johnette] Caleb, not just a pretty face after all.

So, if you feel like hanging out with some local folks,

- the pleasure would be ours. - Mm-hmm.

- Sure. - [all laughing]

[Johnette] Awesome. Take a seat. Relax.

- [laughter] - [indistinct chatter]

[Johnette] Hey, Barb!

Come on, join us.

- Barbara. - Hi, Barb.

- Hi. - Nice to meet you.

I was just telling all my friends

about the piece you're gonna write.

Oh, okay. [chuckles]

[Johnette] Go ahead. Tell her, Willie.

Well, I was just saying that as far back as I can recall,

there's been talk of portals

all across this whole goddamn area.

Like a network of secret doorways

that lead to some interdimensional vortex.

Well, do you know what happens if you actually go through?

Oh, I thought you might know. You're the expert.

[laughs]

[Willie] But I did know one lady went through.

Within six months, her whole life had gone to shit,

marriage down the drain.

Poor girl lost everything.

But rumor has it,

all them little portals,

it's how the Sooka moves around unseen.

Well, I'd love to talk to your friend.

This is giving me the creeps.

Sure won't sleep good.

The last thing we need are any more bedroom disturbances!

[chortles]

What's that supposed to mean?

[neighbor 1] Ah, don't be so touchy, Johnette!

Didn't I hear your encounter took place in the kitchen?

[Caleb] Yeah, but when the thing smelled her cookin',

- it took the fuck off! - Fuck you.

[all laughing]

Excuse me, Francine. I need to go stretch my legs.

Hey, don't fucking be like that.

[Johnette] Fuck you, you piece of shit!

[Francine chortles]

[Johnette] Don't fucking defend your whore to me.

- [Willie] Oh, come on, Johnette. - [Johnette] Fuck you, Francine!

- [Caleb] What the fuck? - [Johnette] Fuck... fuck you!

[Caleb] Sorry, Francine.

Someone isn't taking her fucking medication.

Ah, some people just need to chill.

Ms. Barb.

Do you know about sleepwalking?

In a scientific capacity, I mean.

Uh, so... sorry?

Catch you later.

It's happened to me over and over.

Well, I can't tell anyone here,

'cause chances are, they won't believe me.

And you seen how they treat poor Johnette.

Yeah.

Well, each time it happens

it gets more and more exaggerated.

Well, sometimes I lose whole days.

And then everything's...

caked in mud, and, well...

it feels like I fell down a fucking rabbit hole.

Wait, do I know you?

- Did we meet already? - No, I don't think so, honey.

Do...

[squishing]

Uh, excuse me.

[ominous music]

Wow.

[indistinct muffled chattering]

[Johnette] ...it's disgusting.

[Caleb] You cannot be serious.

Are you fucking crazy?

[Johnette] How many times have you done her already?

[Caleb] Baby, Francine's tits alone

weigh 200 fucking pounds.

[Johnette] Fuck you. What is that supposed to mean?

Hmm?

[Caleb] It means shut the fuck up already.

- [Johnette] Fuck you! - [Caleb] All right, baby.

Fuck you too.

["You Could Have Been a Lady" by April Wine plays]

♪ All right ♪

♪ Could have been all right ♪

♪ Could have been here tonight ♪

♪ Could have been Sweet as wine ♪

♪ You could've been a lady ♪

♪ I could have been all right ♪

♪ I could have been Here tonight ♪

♪ Could have been Sweet as wine ♪

♪ You could have been a lady ♪

♪ They all need you ♪

♪ To make love to ♪

♪ When you awake You find them on the bed ♪

♪ Lyin' beside you ♪

♪ They all love you ♪

♪ You're a good girl ♪

- [Caleb roaring] - [screams]

[Johnette] Fuck off! [panting]

[Caleb chortles]

- [Johnette] Fuck you, you pussy! - No, I'm not fu...

- [slaps] - [Sasha] Oh!

No fucking wonder Dad left you.

Holy fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

[sobbing]

[Kay] Sasha?

- [Sasha yells] - [Kay screams]

[Sasha laughs] Oh, ho!

- [gibbers] - Oh...

- Did you think it was the Sooka? - [laughs]

Well, it's a full moon, after all.

- It's not a fucking werewolf. - Oh.

- [laughs] - Whatever.

Okay. Come with me.

Well, come on, I don't bite.

[Sasha] I'm sorry about, uh...

all of that.

She shouldn't treat you like that.

Yeah.

She's not normally like that. It's just, um...

it's a big... big act.

Okay.

I understand.

Yeah, I'm sure you do.

What?

Oh, come on.

Even Mom thought she could recognize you.

So...

So?

Well, I never thought I'd see you again.

What the fuck happened?

They were looking for you, Barb, for a really long time.

Don't worry.

[sighs] Your secret's safe with me.

People like us...

gotta stick together.

[exhaling]

"People like us"?

[Sasha] Yeah.

- Special people. - [lighter rasping]

The ones who don't fit into their stupid little pigeonholes.

We got it.

The secret... energy.

[chuckles, inhales]

It's just a question of tapping into it.

Oh... [laughs]

Imagine if we could.

Oh, we'd show them what it means

to meet a monster in the fucking woods.

[exhaling deeply]

Maybe this'll help unlock it.

[ominous music]

Isn't that a total head-fuck?

Barb?

[ominous music continues]

[distant growling echoes]

[neighbor 2 slurring] I love you.

[Kay] Hey.

- Do you know where my car is? - Hey, lady.

Mind what the fuck you're doing.

Ho-ho! She's a clumsy bitch.

Can't even stand on her own two feet.

[Caleb] Knock it off, Darlene.

You know this drunk bitch?

Barb's our special guest.

Just had a bit too much to drink, is all.

Don't worry, I'll make sure she gets home safe.

[groans]

Hey, darling. You gotta be careful around here.

Some folks are pretty mean.

I'm okay.

They're not all sweetness and light, like yours truly.

I need to go. Where are the cars?

The cars? Honey, you ain't good to drive.

I'm fine. I'm...

Yeah, sure you are. Come here.

- Get your hands off my cape. - Whoa, whoa, it's okay.

We're friends. Remember?

Let's you and me find ourselves

a quiet little corner. All right?

[Kay groans]

[Caleb] Come along with Caleb.

That's it.

[Caleb chuckles]

[ominous music]

[Caleb moaning]

[Caleb] Oh.

[ominous music continues]

- [squishing] - [Caleb continues to moan]

[Caleb exhales]

[discordant music]

[moaning]

[discordant music continues]

[grunting, straining]

[screams]

[panting]

[ominous music]

[ominous music intensifies]

[gasping]

[choking]

[Caleb shrieking]

[screams, shrieks]

[Kay] No, no, no, no, no!

[sighing heavily] Where is it?

Oh...

[grunts]

Fuck!

[inhales, exhales]

[engine starts]

[suspenseful music]

[tires screeching]

[gasping]

[door alert rings]

Hello?

[pants, sighs]

What the fuck?

[engine sputters, wheezing]

[sighs]

[engine sputters, wheezing]

[ominous music]

[door alert rings]

[ominous music continues]

[ominous music continues]

"325 Valentine."

[discordant music]

[knocks]

- [lock clicks] - [door opens]

[Morgan] Can I help you?

Barb?

My God!

[sighs]

What...

What... what?

Wh... what?

[sobs]

Oh, baby. Baby!

[sobbing, sniffles]

Let's just get you inside.

It's okay.

It's okay.

[water splashing]

That's nice, baby.

Let's get rid of those nasty smells.

Like beautiful lily of the valley, don't you think?

Yeah?

Honey?

I'm not gonna ask you where you've been.

Okay?

[Morgan sniffles]

Let's get you nice and clean...

like a good girl. [sniffles]

Let's warm you up here.

Hmm.

[sniffs]

[sighs]

Open your mouth.

Breathe out.

[exhales]

[sighing deeply]

You think we'd know by now which things don't agree with you,

but th... that's okay, baby.

We're only human.

Remember how, maybe...

we discussed you should avoid cigarettes and liquor?

We're gonna put it all behind us and make a fresh start.

[Morgan sighs]

[sniffing]

Mm... smells so lovely.

We have to expect a bit of gossip,

wagging tongues,

but once they get it out of their system,

we'll be back to normal. Just you wait and see.

In the meantime,

we smile politely and get on with our lives.

Hm.

[Morgan sighs] Let's see.

Can I wear that one?

Oh, baby.

You remember when I bought this for you on our honeymoon?

[chuckles]

Our villa near Barcelona

had those sweet little stray kitties, remember?

We left out tuna and lumps of cheese

dropped in strawberry jelly.

Oh, baby, you're the most wonderful thing

that ever happened to me.

My heart still... Mm!

Oh.

[Morgan] If I sometimes sound harsh,

it's just because I love you.

Mm. [whines]

[Morgan inhales sharply, exhales]

You've made me such a happy bunny,

wearing that special dress.

Such a happy little bunny. Mm.

[kissing sounds]

But first, we have chores.

So we just wanna tidy these up here

and get these petals all into the wheelbarrow.

All right.

I know you prefer a more unkempt look...

but you look so beautiful,

and we don't want folk thinking we're slobs, do we, honey?

[humming cheerily]

Hey, how you doing, Brad?

- Good, good, good. - Betty, you look amazing.

- Right? - Great day for a walk.

- [Brad] Or a spot of gardening. - [Morgan laughs]

[Betty] Someone mentioned Barb was back.

Uh, honey, it's... [chuckles nervously]

- ...none of our business. - Brad, that's fine.

[Morgan] Yes, that's right, Betty.

She had some things to do out of town,

but she's home now,

and everything is just... fine and dandy.

[Morgan sighs]

[Brad] Okey-dokey.

Well, it's been good chatting with you, Morgan.

- You too! - Take care.

You make sure she gets some rest.

[Brad] I will, absolutely.

[Morgan sighs]

I think these could use some attention right there.

Who was that?

[Morgan] The Robinsons, sweetie.

Guess what?

They're going to have a baby boy.

Oh, well, that would explain why she looks half-dead,

like that thing was eating her from the inside.

- Honey! - Can you imagine?

She actually has a dick growing inside her body.

It's fucking disgusting when you think about it.

[gasping] Oh, my...

My God, sweetie, look at your hand.

Does that hurt?

No.

Come on, let's get you cleaned up.

Come on.

- It doesn't hurt? - No.

[ominous music]

[whirs]

[chomps, crunches]

Mmm!

[soft jazz music]

[Morgan] Mmm!

Morgan?

Honey?

I remember our honeymoon.

[sighing deeply]

It was the best.

Yeah.

We did have a great time.

But then there's this bitter taste in my mouth.

'Cause you started to act like such a prick.

You know, gradually, the more successful...

Barb.

- ...I became... - Honey.

...you became a total fucking monster, Morgan.

- That's why I ran away. - How can you say that?

That's why I keep running away.

Honey! This isn't a prison.

[snickers]

You have the kind of freedoms most women only dream of.

- But... - [Morgan] Remember, we discussed

it was best you took a step back from this fantasy world.

That's what triggered your last episode,

if you recall.

[soft jazz music continues]

[sighs]

[Morgan moans]

[gasps, groans]

[squishing]

[rapid breathing]

[panting]

[panting]

[panting continues]

[door creaks]

- Hey. - [sighs]

Don't be like that.

[sighs]

You know I love you very, very much,

and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

If I'm scratchy, it's just that I don't want to lose you again.

Does that feel good?

[squishing]

[sighs]

[ominous music]

Hmm...

Mm...

[Morgan] You sweet little baby girl.

[groaning]

[moans]

[groaning]

[grunts]

Oh! Ow!

Ow!

Look what you did!

Look what I did?

Oh, no. It...

...must've slipped off.

[whimpering]

[Morgan] I've been a naughty boy, hmm?

Now I'm in very bad trouble.

[Morgan whimpers]

[Morgan sobs]

Are you gonna spank my bum-bum

and make me play pee... [gasping]

[choking]

[Morgan gasps, whimpers]

[gasping, groaning]

[heavy breathing]

[grunts]

Off to your little hiding place?

You pay more attention to those fucking monsters

than you do to me!

[grunts]

[ominous music]

[whimpers]

Please don't leave me again.

I'll do anything you say.

[sobbing]

I... I'll change!

I'll change.

[sobbing] Barb, please.

Please, please, no!

[suspenseful music]

[Morgan] Hey, wait.

Come back inside, Barb.

Let's talk! Let's talk.

Please, Barb. Talk to me. Talk to me!

[banging on window]

I love you!

[engine starts, revs]

[grunts]

[crowbar clatters]

[tense music]

Hey.

- [engine revving] - [tires squealing]

[Morgan wheezing]

[groans]

[ominous music]

[Morgan groans]

[squishing]

[growls]

[ominous music continues]

[growls]

[music intensifies]

[coughs]

[gurgling]

[gurgling, groaning]

[Morgan gags]

[gasping]

[eerie music]

[eerie music continues]

[gurgling]

♪ Hey! ♪

[whimsical music]

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey... ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

[discordant music]

[discordant music continues]

[Kay] Jesus.

[shatters]

[clatters]

[Kay whimpering]

[ominous music]

- [car door closes] - [engine starts]

[ominous music continues]

[suspenseful music]

[low growling]

[disembodied voices]

[music intensifies]

[closing theme music]