Original subtitles

Deadly dinos, laser beams

Putrid plants, cool machines

Potty planets, moody moons

Strange sights, big booms

Experiments that make you hurl

Visitors from other worlds

Earth's core, stinky space

The future of the human race

Science that did not go right

Things to keep you up at night

Biology with stings and fangs

Chemistry that stinks and bangs

Freaky physics, we do that

Quantum gravity What's that?!

Weird and gross stuff you should know

Welcome to...

The Horrible Science Show. #

Blood, Bones and Body Bits.

When you get sick, you humans have doctors

and nurses to help you get better.

And medicines.

Don't forget the medicines.

How could I?

Some of them medicines work to stop viruses and germs like us

making you ill.

Rude. What have we ever done to you?

Apart from making you ill, of course.

Yeah, apart from that.

Of course there's been humans trying to find cures since forever.

Including some rather surprising people.

How's the leg feeling this morning, Marcus?

Still a bit swollen. Oh, don't you worry.

We've got a new doctor starting with us today,

and he is a big deal in medicine.

He's the one that got the barbers and the surgeons together

and formed the Company of Barber Surgeons.

Why barbers?

Well, who else would you want doing your operation?

Preferably a doctor. Well, don't you worry.

He also founded the Royal College of Physicians in 1518.

Hold on. Who is this that you're talking about?

Hello, Marcus!

Argh! Ah, how are we doing?

Are you Henry VIII? Yeah. Yes.

I'm not just a pretty face, you know.

I actually personally created several medical treatments,

and commissioned a book with 200 medicinal recipes in it.

So, what seems to be the problem? Oh.

He's got a broken leg, Doctor, Your Majesty.

Ah, yes. Leg injury. Argh!

Been there, got the open sore.

I had a sporting injury, and it never healed quite properly.

Oh, yes. It actually gets a bit whiffy.

Come on, cheeky, let's focus on the patient, shall we?

Quite right. This isn't all about me.

Let's fix this man!

For this I will need chamomile, rose leaves, honeysuckle,

and chicken fat.

Hold on. I'm injured, I'm not hungry.

And I'm going to need some minerals, including lead oxide.

Lead? Isn't that poisonous? Yes.

Oh, and of course we're going to need a unicorn horn.

I should have one in my bag. A unicorn?

Just the horn.

MENACING MUSIC

Where did you get that?!

It's probably just a narwhal horn.

Incredibly effective.

But if you'd rather, I could use dragon's blood.

Dragon's blood?!

It's just the red sap from a dragon's blood tree.

Wow! Mix it together into a paste

and we'll get it all lain in no time. Urgh!

Oh, dear. Headaches as well.

I had those, too. I also had stomach problems.

FARTING

WHISPERING: Don't worry. I'll pretend that was me.

It was you! Who's King? OK.

Well, I might have another treatment that might suit.

Nurse, get me an egg, duck fat,

wine, oil and herbs.

Well, I suppose if it doesn't

work as a medicine, you can make me an omelette.

It's not going in that end, I'm afraid.

WHIMPERING

King or no king,

I've got a feeling in my nergels that he should stick to

whatever it is that kings do.

You see, that's what our nergels do.

They help us sense what's a good idea and what's a bad idea.

Like, should I eat one of these pink or yellow berries?

That's a big no.

EXPLOSION

Oh!

Thanks, nergels!

Should have realised that it was a bang berry.

Obviously, you humans don't have nergels.

So, you need to rely on your senses, like sight and hearing.

I bet you wish you had nergels, too, don't you?

Ah! Hmm...

BURPING

Oh. Oh, no!

FARTING

Oh!

I'm not going to be able to sit down for a week!

FARTING

Um...

So, hey.

I wanted to talk to you about something I said on our first date.

I... I think you got the wrong end of the stick.

What? So, you don't really like me?

Ah!

No, no, no. I do. I do like you.

Is it the fussy food?

I can't be the only one that only eats cabbage.

No, it's the eye thing.

Oh, yeah. Thanks for warning me about that.

She's all right, she's cool!

Ow!

I had no idea the light waves were shooting right into my eyes.

They're really just light waves from the sun.

They travel from the sun and bounce off objects around you

into your eyes, and then your eyes turn that light into signals,

which are sent to your brain so you can see.

They're in my brain! ARGH!

Yeah, the signals are, but that's a good thing!

You need them so you don't bump into...

Ow! Oh!

Please look where you're going!

Never! I'm not going to open my eyes

and let the sun shoot rays into my brain!

It's not safe!

Wait, wait, wait! Careful of the...

..busker, and the ducks.

SPLASHING

And the pond.

What am I going to do?

You need to stop covering your eyes.

They help you to see the world around you.

Just like our ears hear sound waves.

Wait, there are waves going in my ears? Oh, no!

Oh! Urgh! This is a nightmare!

At least there's nothing going up my nose.

OK, well, we probably need to talk about how smell works, too.

Oh!

Argh!

Ow...

Yeah, I'll... I'll call you!

Suffering Scientists.

Starting with exactly 2.7 millilitres of liquid solution...

Actually, make that 2.75.

Read back what I said.

Add a bunch of sandy stuff to the wet stuff, and mix it about.

That's not what I said!

Yeah, it was close enough.

Close enough is not good enough, Clive!

We need to accurately write down everything that we do

in the experiment, so we can repeat it.

Oh, is it really that important? Yes!

Precision in experiments is vital!

We need to know exactly everything that we did,

so if we get a different result next time, we can figure out why.

Just hold that expression for a sec.

It's you.

Clive! The head of the university is visiting us.

We need to show that we do things properly here.

Right, then, I'll accurately record everything you do.

Everything? Everything.

Welcome to the lab.

Thank you. Here we have an experiment that we did earlier.

Now we're going to repeat it in the exact same way

we did the very first time. Mm-hm. And I do mean exact.

Pour in 2.75 millilitres of the liquid solution.

Add 6.4 milligrams of the powder. Mm!

Yeah. Return beaker to bench and scratch bottom.

You what? Right hand to right cheek.

Right hand, please. Certainly.

We pride ourselves on our accuracy.

Oh, I can see that.

Now, mix for five seconds.

Then pick your nose and wipe it under the counter,

hoping I don't notice.

Oh, that's disgusting.

It's important that we repeat the experiment in exactly

the same way we did it the first time. Oh.

Your attention to detail is very impressive.

That means a lot. Now, realise you have a wedgie

and pull your pants out of your bum.

Look!

I'm very sorry.

I told Clive to write everything down.

But I just meant the stuff that could affect the results, you know?

Like for example when you poured the wrong solution in the jar

and it started smoking?

Yes, exactly! Argh! Argh!

FIRE ALARM BEEPS

Scream, run around and panic.

Should you not help him?

No. I have to take notes.

He'll want to do this again in a second.

ROBOTIC VOICE: The internet.

How it started versus how it's going.

That's it.

I've done it. The world's first website!

What is a website, Tim?

It's a way of presenting pictures and information in a way that

makes the internet easy to use for ordinary people.

Ordinary people using the internet!

Incredible! And who knows what amazing things

the people of the future will be able to do.

The power that the World Wide Web will give them.

FARTING

BARKING AND MEOWING

The dog farted so loudly that it woke up the cat!

It's the best thing I've ever seen!

Ah. Ah.

What do we do now?

Someone remixed the cat fart video

so it farts to the tune of Shake it Off!

Yes, please.

TUNEFUL FARTING

Freaky Physics!

Here's one for you.

Was the chicken surprised when it pecked the electric power line?

No. It was shocked.

Ha-ha-ha! Nah, seriously, poor Martha.

Grr! Those feathers aren't going to grow back, you know?

That's why we have this sign now.

"Don't peck."

It's really dangerous, because electricity passes

right through us chickens, and lots of other materials.

I wonder what kind of things electricity doesn't pass through.

Anyway, I should put this warning sign back before someone...

Oh, no, Martha, not again!

Argh! Oh, well, there go the last of her feathers.

I'm Sir Isaac Newton, and this is Science at Speed.

Get ready to go like lightning.

Though, of course, we couldn't possibly go like lightning, because

lightning is a natural phenomenon that happens in the skies.

Oh, come on! There's a queue now!

Science at Speed! Science at Speed! #

Today on Science at Speed - electricity.

I'm going to be explaining insulators and conductors

whilst riding the world's scariest stagecoach.

Not that we'll be going anywhere,

because there aren't any horses to pull up.

Wait, how are we moving? OK!

Now, some materials let electricity pass through them easily.

We call these electrical conductors.

Now, there are lots of nice electrical conductors.

This is very pleasant. Ah!

AH!

Many metals are good electrical conductors!

Like copper, steel and gold!

That's why we use them in plugs.

They allow electricity to go into your TV

or hairdryer! Oh-ho-ho-ho!

OK. Some materials do not allow electricity through them.

We call these electrical insulators.

SCREAMING

And they include rubber, wood, plastic and glass.

We use insulators...

LAUGHTER

Pfft! ..to cover wires.

AH!

So you don't get shocked.

I tell you what is shocking,

the fact that I agreed to do this.

Science at Speed! #

Einstein's Reaction Vids.

Hi, guys, it's your boy Einstein here.

Today, gravity -

the force that pulls us to the earth and keeps us grounded.

Just like how you guys keep me grounded

when you use the thumbs down button on my videos.

LAUGHTER

But seriously, please don't do that.

It is quite hurtful.

OK, science!

What?! This is not science!

This is a man playing with eine toy.

Ah, it is one of those wobbly toys that you can not push over,

not matter how hard you push it. Oh!

What's a scientist doing with concrete?

When is it going to get to the gravity?

OK. Got my two Weebles.

Ah! The Kooky Scientist.

He has made a human-sized wobbly toy.

Way to go, Kooky Scientist.

Get yourself in here. Tighten these up.

Ah, he's strapping himself in. I love that.

You know if he has to do that, it's going to be good.

Buckle up, science bros! Amazing! Oh, yeah!

Look at him wobble.

Oh, because all the weight is in the big bottom.

Not that big bottom!

The centre of gravity is super low.

Always at the base of the object,

which means no matter how sideways he goes, he will always

whoop himself back up.

I want biscuits.

Mm. This man is extremely silly for a scientist.

Unlike me.

I was always very serious.

OK. That was great.

And wait, what is he doing? Oh, he's not really going to...?

Oh, no! Das ist ein giant wobbly man! Nein, I can't watch!

Whoa!

No! He's OK! Amazing!

The centre of gravity is in the base of the giant wobbly man,

so he still will not fall over no matter how wibbly-wobbly he goes.

The wobbly machine is like my hair.

It stays up, no matter what.

Wow.

Sensational. That deserves at least five tongue waggles.

Woo! I wonder how far I could lean over before my centre of gravity

is no longer supported.

Ooh! Uh-oh!

CRASHING

Not very far.

Nasty Nature!

The need for love is as natural as breathing, sleeping,

or doing a poop.

So it is no wonder that people turn to nature

when they're looking for love.

In his search for romance, Lee has been studying flowers,

and how they attract insects.

Cornflowers use brightly coloured petals to attract insects

to the good stuff in the middle, and that's exactly what I'm doing!

Lee's date is Daisy.

Hi. She likes flowers,

but until now she's never been on a date with one.

Hello. So, what's all this about, then?

They're petals.

I've harnessed nature to make me more attractive.

Oh. I got you some nectar.

Great.

Thanks. And here's your pollen.

Enjoy! Uh?

Standard flower move.

They offer sweet nectar to the bees who need it to make honey,

and then they cover the bees in pollen

so they can carry it off to other plants.

Is it just me or is it getting really hot in here?

That's because I put a heater under the table.

Why? It's what the giant water lily does to attract beetles.

It warms up and the beetles like the warmth.

Can you get me a taxi, please?

I'm pretty sure he just called me a beetle.

While Daisy contemplates her life choices,

Lee has a new tactic up his sleeve.

Or as he likes to call it, "Plant Bee".

Can you not just be normal?

I can "bee" whatever you want me to "bee".

Bzz! So no?

The bee orchid attracts bees by looking like a bee.

But she's not a bee.

Yeah. But I'm assuming it works on humans, too.

Why? Um...

Weirdly, it's not the first date I've been on with a giant bee.

I used to go out with a football mascot,

and sometimes he had to come straight from work.

And so the date is coming to an end.

But has love blossomed? Bzz!

So, do you think you'll see each other again?

100%. Not a chance. Huh?!

When police detective Loofah is on the case,

he'll do anything to solve the crime.

As long as he's had his coffee.

Loofah's been on holiday for three weeks.

Hopefully he'll come back a bit calmer.

Boss! Yeah, it didn't work.

There's been a murder.

Right here in the police station. It's Robert!

Robert? I can't believe it.

Well, I won't rest until...

Sorry, who's Robert again? Robert.

He sits by the window at my desk!

You know, this tall, green leaves, brown pot?

Come on! Let's go!

Robert.

Robert the plant? We do have actual crimes to investigate, Loofah.

There's a bank robbery in town. PHONE RINGS

Hi. It can wait. I need to report a...

There's a plant murderer out there!

We need to trace Robert's movements.

It's a plant, Loofah.

It can't just pick up its pot and waddle around.

No-one's going to take this seriously.

I have a suspect in the plant case.

Almost no-one. I've got three witnesses

placing you at the scene of the crime.

Get a buzz out of this, do you? Hey?

It's a bee, Loofah.

The plants attract them with their flowers

so they can carry pollen from one plant to the next.

She's right. He's got no motive to hurt a plant.

Yeah, well, keep this bee in custody for 24 hours.

He might look innocent, but I've been stung before.

Get me a coffee!

The report from our expert says plants get food from a process

called photosynthesis.

And for that, they need carbon dioxide from the earth,

they need water, and sunlight.

So, the killer could have cut the sunlight.

I knew it.

Death by curtains.

I'm sorry, I should have been there for you, buddy.

Can we please get back to some actual police work?

Wait. The forensic reports show the plant wasn't getting any water.

What?! No, no, no, no.

That can't be the case, because I left strict instructions that

Robert get watered every day while I was away!

Who did you ask?

Boss!

Look me in the eye and tell me that you watered Robert.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Mallory, arrest her.

You make me sick.

PHONE RINGS

Loofah. Yeah? Right, I'm on my way.

What's happened? It turns out one of the prisoners

stung the custody officer on the bottom.

I think I might have a hunch who it might be.

Get me a coffee. And a new Robert.

Hello, it's me, T-Rex.

Also known as Tyrannosaurus Rex!

ROARING

COUGHING

Are you all right?

Sorry, that was a bit much, wasn't it? Certainly for him.

But my name does mean tyrant lizard king,

so I kind of have to do the shouty thing.

I wish it meant totally awesome dancing king.

Check out my moves. Woo!

Woohoo!

COUGHING

OK, here's a question for you.

The longest dinosaur name is micropachycephalosaurus.

Oh, there's one now.

But what does that mean?

Is it A - small, thick-headed lizard?

B - small, thick-bottomed lizard?

Or C - small, very tasty lizard?

Any guesses? Do you want me to dance while you think?

No? Fine.

Well, the answer is...

..A. Yep!

Micropachycephalosaurus means small, thick-headed lizard.

Honestly, some of these descriptions are so basic,

it's really quite rude.

From now on, I want to be known as the dancing dino!

I'm going to go on Strictly!

Woo, yeah!

Hey, you, catch me!

Ah! Ta-da!

What do you think?

ROARING

Oops.

Chemical Chaos!

Evil plan 12. Deadly chemicals in space!

Mmm.

Oh, goodie, Agent Goodie, you're here.

Now, how are we doing for time?

Oh, look, it's half past... SHOUTS: ..time to meet your doom

in a vat of chemicals!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Guys, why am I the only one laughing?

GUFFAWING

Too much, Darrel!

Sorry, Your Evilness.

You'll never get away with this, Doctor Butt Strain!

It's Big Brain, and I already have!

Push her in!

No! No!

Take a bath, Agent Goodie!

In death!

EVIL LAUGHTER

Oh.

Ah-ha. Ah...

Carol.

A word.

Carol... Mm-hm?

..why isn't Agent Goodie turning into a melting skeleton of fire?

What did you put in the vat?

It smells like gravy.

Mm. Tastes like gravy. Thank you, Carol.

You said to fill it with chemicals, boss.

Gravy's made of chemicals.

Calcium, iron, monosodium glutamate...

Well, that's great!

And by great I mean awful!

Because someone filled my vat of death with gravy!

Take a walk with me, Carol.

Don't worry. I'm not cross.

I just need someone to inspect my machine

that turns people into a pink dust.

Oh, I love pink dust... Argh!

So sad.

I don't think I'll ever get over her death.

Now, where were we?

I mean, technically she is right.

Gravy is made of chemicals, just like everything else.

Even people.

Did you just fart in my vat of chemicals?

Sorry. I really shouldn't have wheat.

Oh, no, it's fine, actually.

Bottom burps are just chemicals, too.

Er, oxygen, nitrogen, hydrogen and traces of hydrogen sulphide.

That's what makes the rotten egg smell.

Gemma, sorry.

Can I just see you for a second?

Gemma, tell me, whereabouts in your job description does it say

you can give people permission to fart in my deathtraps?

Um, page six...?

What, really?

No, not really.

Sorry.

Take a walk with me, Gemma. Don't worry. I'm not cross.

I just need you to file this paperwork inside the cannon

that shoots people into space.

OK.

One small step for Gemma!

Oh, so sad.

I don't think I'll ever get over her death.

And yet I have.

Now what time is it? Oh, yes, it's time to die!

Oh, she's escaped.

Oh, and she left a real lingerer with that rear-end

chemical explosion.

Oh, that's rank!

RETCHING

Oh, Darrel, open a window.

But, Dr Big Brain, we're on the moon!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! What are the chances of Agent Goodie escaping again?

Well, pretty good, I reckon.

Big Brain is sillier than a Quarkian coin tree.

GRUMBLING

Oi!

Coin trees can be so touchy.

Now, the chance of something happening is called probability.

For instance, if I were to flip this coin,

the probability of it landing heads up would be one in two,

because there are two sides - heads and tails -

and it has an equal chance of landing on one side or the other.

Watch.

SCREECHING

Oh.

It just got swallowed up by a Quarkian pig eagle.

What were the chances of that?

Well, sometimes when I'm out by myself

And I start to ponder

About the chance of certain things happening

And it fills my head with wonder

I know it's 1 in 6, guessing the roll of the dice

1 in 100 chance of a double yolk egg - nice!

I've found a four-leaf clover

5,000 to 1 chance of finding these

I just can't get over probability

Probability... #

Whoa!

The chance of being hit by lighting each year is 1 in a million.

But if you're a giraffe, it's 50 times more likely.

That's a 2 metre long neck for you!

Over 12,000 to 1

Of getting a hole in one for what it's worth

And if you have the knack, more ways to shuffle a pack

Than atoms on the earth

1 in 100 of us can say we're ambidextrous

Are you like me?

Being injured by a loo, 1 in 10,000, true

Can someone help me?! Ow!

If you toss a coin, it's 50/50 tails or heads

Two classmates share a birthday

A chance of 7 in 10, no less

Or 1 in 15 chance a year of being covered in bird mess!

And that is the wonder of probability

Probability. #

I mean, they say it's good luck, don't they?

What are the chances?

I know what the chances are.

I just told you.

Oh! We're done here.

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