Original subtitles

Deadly dinos, laser beams Putrid plants, cool machines

Potty planets, moony moons Strange science, big booms

Experiments that make you hurl Visitors from other worlds

Earth's core, stinky space The future of the human race

Science that did not go right Things to keep you up at night

Biology with stings and fangs Chemistry that stinks and bangs

Freaky physics, we do that

Quantum gravity - what's that?

Weird and gross stuff you should know

Welcome to

The Horrible Science show. #

Extreme Earth.

What's the scariest thing in the sea? Sharks? Pollution?

You are. Please don't eat me. No, it's volcanoes.

One minute you're snacking on a tasty bit of pirate

and the next minute, boosh!

Underwater eruption.

Three-quarters of all volcanic eruptions happen under the ocean.

Now, that's scary.

PHH-RRR RRT!

Was that an underwater volcano?

I'm going to say...y-yes.

PIRATE SNIFFS

Cor, that is rank.

Smells like someone...

Definitely a volcano.

And you're totally sure this is a dormant volcano?

A hundy-pee. What?

100%. It's just like Mount Fuji.

It hasn't erupted for over 300 years.

And you haven't got muddled up again?

I'm totally clear on the difference now.

Dormant volcanoes haven't erupted in a really long time,

and active volcanoes, like Mount Etna, are, well, active.

And again, I am really sorry about what happened.

And I will replace your melted shoes. Good.

You know I would have been quite happy walking up a normal mountain.

It is a mountain.

Not all mountains are volcanoes.

But most volcanoes are mountains.

So, this way, we get to experience both. Way better.

So much more than a hill They are all power

Got to love a volcano

Feeling quite warm, baby, uh-oh

Are you sure this thing won't blow?

That would be ace Sometimes they make new lands

When they explode

Or destroy all that's in their paths

I'm scared of volcanoes

Volcanoes form where the Earth's crust is weak

Places it's thin where tectonic plates meet

Rocky magma rises from beneath the Earth's crust

Then I know what's next

Volcano erupts

Erupted magma is called lava

And you don't want it coming for you

It looks like a

Huge red river

Ash, gas and rocks make a hot combo

That's called a pyroclastic flow

I think that we should probably go home

If you saw gentle slopes Fast lava flow

You're on a shield volcano

Billowing smoke, looks like a cone?

Composite volcano

Sorry, don't those erupt? Explosively?

We need to leave

Come on, let's go far

But I want to stay It's like being on Mars

We should stay and watch as the ash cloud rises

Or get out the way to avoid a crisis

Come on now Please, can we get going?

Ash also helps the plants with growing

Let's stay and see it overflowing

There's nothing good about eruptions

They can cause holiday disruptions

Ash clouds can lead to sun obstruction

We need to get out of the way or like Pompeii

We could end up like stone

Isn't this fun, trying to outrun an erupting volcano?

Ground's pretty hot Smoke, there's a lot

So I'm going to say no

I'm getting quite warm Maybe you're right

Come on, let's go home. #

Wait for me!

LOW RUMBLING

Ten minutes before you go live, Madam President.

Madam President! Madam President!

Sorry!

Madam President!

Chief Scientist Cartright, what is it?

I'm about to go live in an address to the nation.

There is something happening with the Earth's magnetic poles.

Magnetic what?

The magnetic field that surrounds the Earth is all connected

by the planet's two magnetic poles.

There's one on the top by the Arctic

and one on the bottom by the Antarctic.

Now, every 300,000 years or so, on average,

the magnetic polls flip around.

Why are you telling the President this?

Because it's imminent.

Well, smack me with a mackerel.

I can't, I'm not allowed. I asked.

Prepare the cameras, I need to address the nation immediately.

This magnetic field, how important is it?

Without it, particles from the sun might bombard Earth,

destroying power grids and satellites, exposing us

to radiation, taking away our atmosphere.

It's real, real bad. Two reals? That's pretty bad.

We're live in three...

My fellow Americans,

I have just been informed that

the magnetic field around our Earth could be in danger.

Danger. Given the seriousness of the situation,

this could be my last chance to be honest with you. That's right.

I cheated in the last election.

Madam President!

I voted for myself 15 times using a series of cunning costumes

and false moustaches. Moustaches? Come on now!

I voted for myself dressed as a pirate,

and gosh, darn it, America, I looked good.

I even tried to vote for myself dressed as a bear

but it turns out bears can't vote.

Ah, heck!

On my last birthday, myself and the Vice President,

we drove a bulldozer through the West Wing.

We blamed the damage on the turkey that you pardoned at Thanksgiving.

It wasn't Mr Gobbles? It weren't him.

He was so innocent. He was. And delicious.

But none of that matters now.

Because my chief scientist has just informed me

that the magnetic poles are going to flip.

How long do we have?

Only 1,000 or 2,000 years.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, 1,000 years?

You said this was imminent? It is. In geological terms.

1,000 years is nothing

compared to the age of the Earth.

OK. When they do flip, you said it would be real, real bad.

Mm-hm. No. Well, yes.

If the magnetic fields disappears, but it doesn't during a switch,

it just gets weaker. It will still protect us. Huh?

Sorry, I probably should have started with that one. You think?!

And you should not have used two reals.

Oh, my fellow Americans,

that stuff about me cheating in the election?

I was just kidding.

April fools!

Madam President, it's July.

I'm not the President, I'm a pirate and my name is Captain President.

So long, my hearties.

Lenny, cut the camera.

Aye, Captain President.

Boom! It's your boy Big Danny here

with some mad science from the past, yeah?

I'm in New Jersey east side with my main man, Stubbins Ffirth.

Man's got bare Fs in his name, like he's letting one off, like, "Ffurf!"

What's going on?

Oh, is it a magic trick?

Anyway, he's got a mad theory about a disease called yellow fever.

It was a bare dangerous disease back in the 19th century

that turned your eyes and skin yellow.

Minion settings, bruv.

People thought the disease was spread by the black vomit.

It made you puke,

but my man Stubbins

is looking to prove that wrong by testing it on himself, innit?

Man's got bottle. Not all science is good science.

I keep telling my cousin that.

First up, Stubby boiled that black vom,

and took massive whiffs of the steam it gave off.

HE SNIFFS

His next test was to rub some vomit

in a cut on his arm, which is bare rank.

My man also rubbed some in his eyes.

Agh!

It's really stinging.

To complete his test, he even drank the vomit. Who even does that?

My man Stubby did.

Oh, man's bare chugging that thing fast, you know?

Oh, the backwash in that must be mad.

Do you want a biscuit or something? I'm fine.

And boom, he's OK.

So my man proved you can't contract yellow fever

through the black vomit,

so much so that the University of Pennsylvania recognised it.

Hey, man like Stubbins Ffirth was right, you know.

You can't get yellow fever from black vomit. Yeah?

You get it from mosquito bites,

when the bites infect the blood with the virus, causing yellow fever.

I don't have yellow fever,

but all the vomit that I drunk hasn't exactly left me feeling...

Agh! He's got black vomit-vomit all over his kicks, fam.

Yeah, I ain't going to lie, my guy is not well, yeah?

HE VOMITS Anyway, you know what time it is.

Still.

I love experiments.

I'm about to do one of my own now to see

if I can generate electricity from swamp worms.

Hello! Hello! #

Swamp worms give electric performances with their singing.

But I want to see what happens if I...

SPARKING

Ah, it worked!

But getting electricity from animals isn't just a Quarkian thing.

An Earth scientist called John Walsh,

he discovered it the hard way.

Here he is now... #

Argh!

Welcome, fellow scientists.

Behold, my most exciting and electrifying -

you'll get that in a second -

scientific discovery!

Ta-da!

CAT MEOWS

A fish? Not just a fish.

This is a torpedo fish,

known as the electric ray.

An electric fish! You nearly had us there. Where did you plug it in?

Behind the GILLS? He's got to be SQUIDDING us!

Oh, pull the other one, there's a FIN on it!

I don't get that one. OK.

No, you don't understand.

The fish actually generates electricity.

Look, if I touch it with these metal spoons...

HE SHRIEKS

See? Electric shock.

Is it not just stinging you? No.

It's definitely electrocuting me.

The metal spoons conduct electricity from the fish into my body.

Look, if I use this wax instead of metal...

No shock.

Because wax doesn't conduct electricity, but metal does.

Understand? OK, seriously?

HE SIGHS

Allow me to show you again. I mean, it does hurt quite a lot.

HE SHRIEKS

See? If I use metal instead of wax,

I get electrocuted.

Do you know what? No, I thought I'd got it there, but I didn't.

Could you just do it one more time? Really? OK.

In the interest of science.

HE SHRIEKS

Works every time. Repeatable results,

thus proving the existence of electricity within nature.

It can't be electricity. You always hear a little pop.

Always. And you see sparks with electricity.

No, no, it's just because it's

happening under the water. Look.

HE SHRIEKS

See? No?

I'm still not quite getting it. Would it help if he did it again?

It really would. Could you do it again, please?

HE GROANS

HE SHRIEKS

Can you see now?!

Uh... Proof the fish is electric.

Yeah, I'm not buying it.

HE WHIMPERS

Welcome to mein channel, Einstein fans.

It's your boy Albert with another cookie science reaction vid.

This one is all about electricity.

Ooh, this is exciting.

You see that thing that looks like a big metal mushroom? It is not one.

You should not touch it or eat it.

It is ein Tesla coil

and it creates a lot of electricity.

Electricity is a flow of tiny little electrons.

Oh, this is a very special scientist called Dr Mega Volt,

who will take the electricity from the coil

and do some super cool things with it.

Here we go! It's charging up.

But what is he going to do with it?

Oh, my goodness! That is so cool.

He just shot lightning out of his fingers, like ein super villain.

Pew, pew, pew! But how is he doing that? Slow mo!

The Tesla coil supercharges all the air around itself,

and that causes electricity to leak out into the air.

And that electricity needs to go somewhere

and the easiest place is into Dr Mega Volt's fingers

because he is wearing a metal suit, and that is a great conductor.

Whoa, amazing!

Look at that electricity being conducted through the metal staples.

Ooh! That is hot!

These guys are very serious professionals.

OK, way to undermine me, guys.

You could not have chosen a worse moment to bring out

the electro-trampoline.

But seriously, that is really cool.

Tongue tattle time!

OK, time to go.

Remember, don't play with electricity

unless your name is Dr Mega Volt

and you have ein big metal suit like that one.

Einstein zapping out.

CLUCK!

Every time... Oh, hello, I'm just trying to grow a horn like a rhino.

I've been reading about animal mutations which are...

..random changes in animal species

that help them survive and thrive.

I thought, what better way to survive

than having a massive rhino horn to defend myself with?

Here we go. This time...

CLUCK!

CREAKING

It's working, it's working.

Do you think rhinos have this trouble?

DRAMATIC VOICE: Coming soon, a mutant movie like no other.

My name is Professor Z.

Well, OK, a bit like the others.

I have the power to give you all real animal mutations.

From the actual animal kingdom,

it's The Real Mutants.

I shall start with you.

Oh, so, I was thinking

something cool, like maybe related to lions or tigers?

I name you Glass Frog. Huh?

Like the glass frog, your skin will be slightly see-through.

So I'm invisible? Yes!

Slightly see-through, and just the skin.

People can still see your organs.

So, about tigers... Mutate!

Come on, what's the point of that?

It makes it harder for predators to find you. Why?

Cos they're all busy throwing up?

VOMITS

See!

And you will be red-backed salamander,

and like the red-backed salamander, you no longer have lungs.

What? But you can breathe through your skin.

Can I swap with the frog guy? No.

Mutate!

But if I'm breathing through my skin,

I can't breathe in these clothes. I'm going to...

At least she don't have to look at Glass Frog's brains any more.

Hey! Yeah, I think I'm going to go.

And to you, I give the power of the platypus. No, thanks.

Mutate!

Duckbilled platypi mutated to send tiny electric currents

which help them find their brain.

Call me Electricity Bill.

Enjoy your power, Mr Quackers.

Mr Quackers? Really?

It's actually a useful skill.

You can start by finding me somewhere to charge my phone.

I'm on 15%.

And finally, I name you Rhino. Yes! That's a relief.

I was worried I was going to get one of the embarrassing ones.

Your superpower is to communicate using your poop.

I'm sorry, what? Mutate!

Like a rhino, you now send messages

by firing great loads of poo from your rear.

You what?

PHHH-RRR-RRT!

Oh, and you probably want to remove your trousers,

otherwise you're really only messaging yourself. I can't stop it.

This is going to be a really big message.

Run for it!

The Real Mutants.

Any similarities to actual animals is entirely deliberate.

You know, when computers were first introduced,

programmers such as myself soon discovered that computers

could develop something very annoying. Bugs.

Bugs are what we call little mistakes that get

into computer programs and stop the computers working properly.

But why did the first computer programmers start calling

these errors bugs? Is it...

While you think about that, I'll do a couple of bug impressions.

This is a spider.

Oh, a beetle.

Right, that's enough of that. The answer is B.

They're named after a moth.

The term "computer bug" originated in 1947 when engineers

in Harvard University found a moth stuck inside their computer.

The engineers joked that they had to debug the computer

by removing the moth.

You know, computer bugs can be pretty scary.

They have led to failed rocket launches, banks losing money,

and in fact, they're much scarier than creepy-crawlie insect bugs.

Agh! Spider!

Which I'm totally fine about, yeah.

So today, we've got a special surprise for a special someone.

He's going to look out of this world when we've finished with him.

Are you guys allowed to be here? Come here.

It's astronaut Neil Armstrong!

Neil is going to be the first man on the moon.

But not in this getup, he's not.

It's time to send his style to the stratosphere.

Work it, Neil.

Neil Armstrong, Neil all wrong, am I right?

You're going on a lunar mission, Neil, not a loser mission.

This space suit was specially designed to orbit the Earth.

Yeah, but you're not orbiting the Earth,

you're going straight to the moon on Apollo 11.

But don't you fret, because we'll give you a makeover

to make you a space race ace.

And we're going to start with these tubes.

Where are they going? Everywhere!

We've got air pipes, hot pipes, cool pipes, pee pipes.

What was the last one?

These tube will keep you cool on the moon where it's...

They'll also keep you hot, hot, hot,

because in the shade, it's...

And the pee pipe?

It's a three-day journey to the moon, Neil.

How long can you hold it for?

Bling, bling, who's that on the phone?

It's your new gold-plated visor.

Gold reflects the sun's radiation

away to keep you safe.

How cool is that, Neil?

And it looks fabulous.

You'll be...

Iconic!

Strike a pose. I don't want to.

HE BEEPS

Uh-oh, look at his feet.

Thought so, there's no grip.

It will be one small slip for man,

one giant fall on your tush for mankind.

And because there's no wind on the moon,

your butt mark will be there for ever.

Luckily, we've got moon boots

that will astro-not leave a bad impression.

Agh!

High five!

Before we met Neil, he was moving in the wrong orbit.

Then we sprinkled our stardust on him

and now you're going to love him to the moon and back.

Oh-ho-ho, how does it feel, babe?

It feels pretty weird down there.

Oh, that will be the...

Aka, the poo-catcher.

You see, every moonwalk is going to take hours.

So, you might need to fill out a captain's log while you're out.

You don't want your space debris filling up your boots, do you?

#spacenappy I get the picture.

And you look a picture, too.

I am so proud of you.

There's a pretty weird smell in there.

Urgh! It needed testing first.

You used the faecal containment system in my suit?

We both did.

Urgh! See you next time! Let's dance!

Neil Armstrong needed all that kit and he was only visiting the moon?

Think of all the space things you would need to visit

Venus, Mars or even Neptune.

I don't mean to show off, but my fur and my nurgles

are perfectly adapted for every planet and every occasion.

And when the sun gets too bright, well,

I just put these on because they make me look so cool.

Fancy joining me on a quick tour of your solar system?

We've an ear worm to help guide you.

Da-da! #

Not you. Ohhh.

Mercury, Venus, one and two

Earth makes three That's home to you

Mars rocks in at number four

Jupiter, Saturn, there's two more

Uranus and Neptune then we're done

The eight planets of the solar system

Mercury is smallest and closest to the sun

Living on this rocky planet would not be much fun

Temperature ranges are mighty severe

And get this, its day is twice as long as its year

Venus is called my evil twin

Yeah, it's not the kind of atmosphere you'd want to live in

It may look pretty in the evening sky

But this planet of volcanoes is selling you a lie

Third rock, Earth I'm the place you call home

Spinning beautiful and blue in the Goldilocks Zone

A planet with life Yeah, that makes me unique

And I orbit round you every four weeks

You're crowding me, move!

Mars, the red planet at rock number four

The Romans named it after their god of war

A bone-dry planet where it never rains

The dust storms rage across its mountainous plains

Mercury, Venus, one and two

Earth makes three That's home to you

Mars rocks in at number four

Jupiter, Saturn, there's two more

Uranus and Neptune then we're done

The eight planets of the solar system

Jupiter, the largest and fifth from the sun

With its great red spot It's gas giant number one

Massive Saturn - doesn't it look nice

With its shimmering rings made of rock and ice?

Uranus... Or Ur-ANUS OK, you decide

What to call planet seven that lies on its side

This big gassy giant is as cold as can be

With huge diamonds floating on a carbon sea

Neptune is our last but not least number eight

If you don't like sunlight then this place is great

There was a time when we had a planet nine

Yeah, but it should be noted Pluto got demoted

Mercury, Venus, one and two

Earth makes three That's home to you

Mars rocks in at number four

Jupiter, Saturn, that's two more

Uranus and Neptune and we're done

The eight planets of the solar system

All spinning round the burning sun

The eight planets of the solar system. #

And they'll provides you with pure oxygen to breathe...

No, you'll...

Man's got bands of black vomit, you know.

Eh!

Weird and gross stuff you now know

Hope you enjoyed

The Horrible Science show. #

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