Original subtitles

Deadly dinos, laser beams Putrid plants, cool machines

Hottie planets, moody moons Strange sights, big booms

Experiments that make you hurl Visitors from other worlds

Earth's core, stinky space The future of the human race

Science that did not go right Things to keep you up at night

Biology with stings and fangs Chemistry that stinks and bangs

Freaky physics, we do that

Quantum gravity What's that?!

Weird and gross stuff you should know

Welcome to the Horrible Science Show. #

Stinky Space!

FARTING

Hi, guys, just your average, floating-in-space

three-eyed green alien here.

I just wanted to invite you round for a space date, really.

We could, er, float, and er, well, that's it.

It's mostly just floating in space.

Watch out, though. Space travel can do weird stuff to you

if you don't have the tentacles for it.

Hi, guys, it's me, Lieutenant Grace.

Hands up who's about to blast off into space.

Me!

Astronaut alert - I'm going to be Grace in space!

Grace in space!

ELECTRONIC MUSIC

Ow! Can you keep in down in there? We're trying to work.

Yeah, sure. But guess what?

I'll be keeping a diary of my awesome trip to

the International Space Station.

And guess who's coming with me.

Apart from Professor No Fun back there.

Professor Lambington!

MUSIC PLAYS LAMBS BLEAT

Time for blast-off.

Woohoo!

Get ready, Professor Lambington. We're nearly there!

I'm here, on the International Space Station.

And I have to say, the views are incredible!

Seven wees today, and it's not even lunchtime.

Apparently, water moves differently around your body in space,

cos of the lower gravity,

and that tricks your body into thinking

you need to go.

Lieutenant, are you going to be long?

FARTING

Space walk time! Need a wee, need a wee, need a wee, need a wee.

I have just got back from my first space walk.

Just me, floating in the vastness of space,

contemplating my place in...

SHE RETCHES

Nausea and aching is normal. Whoa.

All the vomit's formed into floating balls.

It's quite stunning, actually - for vomit.

I've got to do this for two hours a day,

otherwise my muscles won't work when I get home.

At least the needing a wee thing gets better, though, right?

No. I still need to go.

Ow!

I forgot that I'm also 5cm taller cos of the lower gravity.

Ow!

I've just had my first space poo.

I hadn't been for a week!

FARTING

It's the lack of gravity.

Things don't pass through you as quickly as they do on Earth.

How did it go?

Like passing a concrete sausage.

Buy now.

The gloves we have to wear are rubbing,

so my fingernails have fallen off.

Ew!

Cool. Here we go, Professor Lambington, splash landing!

Well, I'm home!

I've lost 30% of my muscle mass.

I've got no fingernails,

and gravity has only just started working on my...

STOMACH GURGLES

Coming through! Ow!

Yeah, still taller.

Please like and follow, but maybe just not too closely.

GURGLING AND FARTING

Hello, Albert Einstans,

welcome to another React-steins vid,

where I watch science videos that make my hair stand on end.

Ah, so what are these guys doing - building ein pool?

No, hey, it's a trampoline!

Ah, they are dropping something onto it.

The Earth's gravity will pull it downwards and it will,

as we say in the scientific community, go splat!

Melons away!

WHISTLING

Oh, that was sehr cool!

And you know what's even cooler?

Slow-mo!

To be honest, I was expecting something a tiny bit more...

Wait,

is that eine car?

Oh.

Oh, my goodness!

Ha-ha-ha!

Oh!

Did you see that?

Ha! We are having ein science party!

Here, you can see all the energy

from the car moving through the air.

It gets transferred straight into

the big trampoline.

The mat and the springs are very elastic so they can stretch,

but then they will ping back into their original position,

transferring the energy back into the car, which makes it,

as we say in the scientific community,

go boing, boing!

Ha-ha, look at it go.

Oh, that was amazing.

That gets one of my patented tongue-waggers.

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

Mash that "like" button, ja?

Now, I have to make like a car

on ein trampoline and bounce. Whoo!

Hello, it's me, Dr Big Brain.

You may have seen me looking fabulous

and powerful on the cover of Villains En Vogue magazine.

Embarrassing.

Did you know that a human scream can be converted into energy,

which can power things?

Matthew, tea.

So how many times would you have to scream in a row

to produce enough energy to make a cup of tea?

Is it...

So what do you think - A, B or C?

Would you like me to give you a clue?

What, you would?

No chance! Do I look like I've got nothing better to do with my time

than hand out clues to people?

Unbelievable!

BELL RINGS

That's it. Time's up. The answer is...

..C! If you screamed at the very top of your lungs

2,942 times for two seconds each time,

then you'd have enough energy to boil the water for one cup of tea.

And that's why my new Screamatron 9000 kettle is powered

entirely by human terror.

Wait. I can't wait for someone to scream 2,942 times.

OK. Whose bright idea was the kettle powered by human screams?

HE SCREAMS

I might have known.

Take a walk with me, Matthew.

Don't worry, I'm not cross.

MATTHEW SCREAMS

Oh, greetings, Earthlets.

Yes, Here on my planet, everything is powered by our laughing swamps.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Laughing swamps are great.

And much less depressing than our sobbing cactuses.

CACTUS SOBS

They just stick you with their spines

and then feel awful about it.

LAUGHTER

It's not that funny.

But thanks to these laughing swamps, we are

not going to run out of energy any time soon.

And we won't run out of light, either, because we get that from,

well, you'll never guess.

It's big, it's round, it's hot, it's...

Yeah, it's the sun. Our sun does provide warmth, but it also tries

to startle us sometimes.

Boo! Ah! Oh!

GULPS: Gets me every time.

AMERICAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS

Madam President! Madam President!

Oh! Sorry. Madam President!

Waffle Wednesday, you say? I'm so sorry.

Chief Scientist Cartwright, I'm in the middle of a very important

government meeting. What is it? It's the sun, President Fisher.

A high-powered solar storm is begin whipped up on the surface

of the sun, which will likely lead to a coronal mass ejection.

Oh. I mean, I obviously know what one of those is.

Yep. But maybe for these people, just unpack that just a little bit.

It's a wave of a billion tonnes of electrically charged

particles that could hit this planet like a

cosmic tsunami!

A tsunami is a tidal wave. I knew that.

If this wave of particles is strong enough,

it could destroy our satellites, it could take out power grids.

I mean, the results for the society could be disastrous.

Well, how long do we have?

A few hours. Whoa! What is happening!?

Get my mommy on the line. I want my mommy!

If this really is the end of the world as we know it,

I have something I would like to get off my chest.

When I was running for president, I said I was a straight-A student.

I lied. I flunked geography.

That is why I took us on a state visit to Austria... Ha.

..because I wanted to see some kangaroos.

I now know they're in Australia.

Last year, I took a battleship out on a joy ride

and accidentally blew up a bit of Greenland! Ah!

Aliens are real, and I have a crush on one of them,

and I need to call him and tell him I love him.

I can't read. Er, Madam President...

Chief Scientist Cartwright, if the world is about to end,

what could you say that could make any difference?

Well, actually, the world is not about to end.

What? Yeah, that's, like, this coronal mass ejection -

they happen every so often, and the, er,

the Earth's atmosphere and the magnetic field are pretty good

at just deflecting them away, so... So...

..it wasn't dangerous at all?

I probably should have started with that, shouldn't I?

You think?

Good news. Events like coronal mass ejections

cause some pretty amazing effects in the sky - like auroras,

light effects, like the Northern Lights. Yep.

Hmm! I'm just going to go.

Um, before we start the meeting again, um,

I do think you should possibly call Greenland.

Yep. Apologise for the battleship thing.

I'll call you later. Yeah.

WHISPERS: I love you. Is Greenland a real place?

Yes.

Such gorgeous little kittens!

But I could never have one in my tiny flat.

Want a pet but don't have the space?

Why not get one that won't take up "mushroom"?

Say hello to the perfect pet.

The mushroom. Aha, thanks,

but I don't really need a vegetable for a pet.

Mushrooms are not vegetables!

I mean, why does everybody always get that wrong about mushrooms?

They're much more closely related to humans and animals

than they are vegetables.

Really? That's actually really cool.

Exactly. They're already fully trained. No!

Hmm. Stay!

Wow! Mm-hm.

Gimme, gimme!

Mushrooms are versatile. Keep up, little ones.

Oh, fetch, Button!

Come on! Who's a clever little fungus?

Come on! Why are you throwing a ball at a vegetable?

They're not vegetables!

Porcini, such a good little mushroom.

Aren't you?

And just like animals, they breathe in oxygen

and give out carbon dioxide.

And as the sun went down, all the little mushrooms

headed off to dreamland.

And unlike plants, mushrooms don't need sunlight for food.

How did you get into my house? Sh!

You'll wake the mushrooms. Come on, give them a kiss.

Show them you love them.

Some of them are even flesh-eating.

Make sure you have plenty of soil so that they can talk to each other.

Talk to each other? Yes.

They form thin underground webs, which they use to communicate.

Great. Flesh-eating mushrooms that talk to each other behind our backs.

He's never liked pets.

So, if you want a pet,

why not try Mushroom Pets.

Available at all good supermarkets and greengrocers now.

Get those vegetables away from me!

They're not vegetables! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

NARRATOR: In a dirty world, one superhero is on a mission...

..to clean up!

Say goodbye, tiny scum!

IT SHRIEKS

CHEERING

You're welcome!

At last, the world is safe from bacteria.

Thanks to me, Ant-ibacterial-Man.

Yes, I have destroyed all the bacteria in the world.

Now those streets are so clean

you could eat your meals off them.

OK.

It's really just an expression, but sure. Go ahead.

Wow, that's actually pretty disgusting.

Oh, sorry, Ant-Man. It's Ant-ibacterial-Man.

Do you want to get sued?

Um, no.

NARRATOR: But even the greatest of us can make mistakes.

PARP!

That's weird.

I really wish you checked with our scientist

before you got rid of all the bacteria.

Why? Everyone hates bacteria.

It even causes some diseases.

Yes, but not all bacteria is bad.

Like, without gut bacteria to help break down food -

people can't poop.

What have I done?

A world without poop?

Actually, it doesn't sound so bad when you say it out loud.

PARP!

NARRATOR: But that wasn't the worst of it.

This summer, witness destruction by disinfectants.

Bacteria plays a vital role in

getting plants the nitrogen they need to grow.

Without bacteria, the plants are all dying.

I'm starting to think this is partially my fault.

Of course it's your fault!

Sure, there was bad bacteria out there,

but a lot of the good bacteria

was vital for life on our planet.

There's garbage everywhere.

And because of me, there's no bacteria to break it down.

NARRATOR: He tried to save the world and trashed it instead.

No! Bacteria!

Come bac...teria!

NARRATOR: He's Ant-ibacterial-Man.

Why?!

Hope this party has food. Yeah!

The meat last week was too salty, wasn't it? Mm.

It's the way it's preserved. Stops it from going off.

Nothing we can do about it.

Or is there?

Dr Witherborn, you're a genius.

Read that!

"Fnuv...reserve...pood."

What? No. Snow preserved food.

That definitely says pood.

This carriage makes it very hard to write.

I believe that snow could preserve food just as well as salt.

Why? By keeping it cold.

Well, if a great thinker like Francis Bacon thinks it's true,

then it must be. No! That's the old way of thinking.

A theory isn't true just because someone

clever said it. What?!

Then how do we know if something's true?

By testing the theory.

Seeing if it works in the real world.

It's called experimentation. Heard of it?

I need to stuff a chicken

full of snow to prove my theory works.

Well, maybe tomorrow, you know, after the party.

No. It's snowing now. It's time for science.

Bring me a ticket.

He's a smart guy. I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Good evening. I am the great Francis Bacon.

And I demand you give me a raw chicken immediately.

It's Francis Bacon, and he wants a chicken, dear.

Oh, right. Well, then we'd better get him one.

Thanks. Hungry, are you, dear? No, but I shall be in a week.

Well, that chicken will have gone off by next week.

Ah, but I predict that this snow will perfectly preserve the chicken

and stop it from going off.

It better had, or we'll all be on the toilet for a month.

That's very good. Thank you.

Here, Molly, won't he catch a cold out there

stuffing a chicken with snow?

He's a smart man, dear.

I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Hello, Francis. How are you feeling?

Fantastic.

My experiment succeeded excellently well.

Take a bite.

The snow preserved the raw chicken to perfection.

My theory was c-correct.

Are you sure you're OK?

Oh, no. On a personal level, it's been a complete disaster for me.

Yeah. I caught a terrible chill from the cold.

But I proved my point.

That chicken is good to eat now, even days later.

Maybe I am feeling a bit better.

Who's up for a chicken sandwich?

BELL TOLLS

Oh. Such a shame.

The snow saved the chicken,

but it couldnae save the Bacon.

I'm so excited to be a forensic scientist and learn from the best.

It's not as glamorous as you might think. I mean, that is one of

the most grotesque dead bodies I've ever seen.

I beg your pardon.

It's her husband who died, boss.

Yeah.

I'm sorry for your face. I mean, your loss.

OK, Jenkins, to crack this case, we need to work scientifically.

So we need to start with a question.

What killed him?

Yes, and I have a hypothesis.

And what is it?

It's a suggestion of what might be the solution to the problem.

No, I know that. I mean, what is your hypothesis?

Well, um, he was poisoned.

Possibly using a vial of blue liquid like the one

that suspicious-looking

chambermaid is holding.

Who, me? I'm just cleaning up.

Should we hold her for questioning?

No. You can't just go around arresting people because they're

holding a possible murder weapon at a murder scene, Jenkins,

we have a method to follow.

Now we have our hypothesis,

we're going to make a prediction.

And that is? A scientific guess based on the things we know about

what will happen when the hypothesis is tested.

I meant, what is your prediction?

Oh, well, um, I predict if we test

the blue liquid oozing from the victim's mouth,

we'll find traces of poison that match the vial of liquid

that the chambermaid just hid behind the fruit bowl

before she started crawling towards the window.

Ignore me.

So many fingerprints on this floor.

SHE SQUEAKS

Stop right there.

You've dropped your copy of How to Poison People.

A Beginner's Guide To Poisoning People With Poison.

Oh, merci.

I was looking for this.

OK, Jenkins, we're going to test our hypothesis

and see if the result matches our prediction.

You do the mouth. I'll do the bottle.

If both cotton buds turn pink, we'll have proof we were right.

Oh, no. They've got me.

So we should have a result in around, er, 12 to 14 minutes.

That long? So long, suckers!

Oh!

GLASS SMASHES

CAR STARTS

You'll never catch me now!

The liquid from his mouth matches the liquid from the bottle.

Your prediction was right - Mr Black was poisoned.

So what's the conclusion?

It's a summary of what we've learned.

I mean, what is your conclusion, based on the evidence?

The suspicious-looking chambermaid with the poison

and the book about how to poison people must be the poisoner.

It's always the ones you least expect.

Oh! Hi, babes. Queen of the dinosaurs here.

Your girl T-Rex.

Did I always look this good?

No! My big, shiny teeth and long,

luscious tail are the result of several spa days

and millions of years of something called evolution.

Charles Darwin... Human guy, tiny teeth, zero tail, bleurgh!

..came up with the theory of evolution -

the idea that animals and plants gradually

change over generations to give them a better chance of survival.

Check me out. Surviving and looking super-cute.

SMASH!

Oops.

OK. I need to evolve some thumbs.

Ah, Mr Wormington.

I do declare this book will be my best yet.

What's that you say? Quick tuba solo?

Come on, Daisy.

Ah!

Ooh, er, Mr Charles Darwin?

What is it? I definitely wasn't about to play music to my worms.

Oh, I'm sorry to be barging in like this.

It's just, um...

I heard about your theory of evolution,

and I was wondering if you could evolve me cow.

Your cow?

Quiet, Daisy! And get off Mr Darwin's sofa.

SPLAT!

Oh, the good news is, brown sofas go with everything.

What do you want?

I would like you to evolve me cow.

I want her, you know, stronger for pulling plough.

And bigger. More milk.

Oh. No, is there any way you can make her

just a little bit less...

Whoa!

Violent?

Pooey.

So, uh, can you evolve her for me?

No, I can't.

Evolution doesn't happen overnight.

OK, I understand. I'll leave her here. I'll come back in a week.

PARP! SMASH!

Oh, there go your flowers. It doesn't work like that.

It's a complicated and delicate process.

Animals do change, but the changes happen over generations.

Oh! It could take thousands or even millions of generations

for major changes to take place.

So I'm stuck with Daisy as she is?

I'm afraid so. Now, if you don't mind,

Mr Wormington has been waiting very patiently for his tuba solo.

All right, Daisy, let's go.

Oh, whoa!

Just to be clear, that was the cow.

Cows are amazing, but sadly,

they've been extinct on Qwart for millions of years.

All we've got left of them are the fossils.

We've got fossils of cow wings...

..cow beaks...

..and cow tentacles.

Oh, you know what?

I'm beginning to think they might not have been cows,

cos I do get my cows and my space monsters mixed up.

Well, many million years ago

Strange creatures lived in the sea and on land

And now in rocks they are found

But it is rare to find skin or feathers there

We just see the shape of their bones

And work out what animals roam

Oh

When they died and decomposed

They left behind remains of their bones

Sunk below

Mud and sand

The sediment began to compact

Bones dissolved by water in rocks

And minerals then filled in the gaps

Forming stones

We dig up

The fossils then show us what it was

What it was

What it was

It shows us what it was

Many fossils survived to tell us of long ago times

Like a T-ex's size

Some dinos had feathery coats

Cute dragonflies

Brontomerus had massive thighs

These rocks can teach us what is true

From skulls to fossilised poo

Oh

How we know where to look

Over time the fossils are lifted up

But how do we know it's not just stone?

Cos fossils stick slightly on my tongue

On my tongue

On my tongue

Yeah, don't try this at home

Dinosaurs

Sea creatures

They show us what it was. #

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