Original subtitles

Deadly dinos, laser beams Putrid plants, cool machines

Potty planets, moony moons Strange science, big booms

Experiments that make you hurl Visitors from other worlds

Earth's core, stinky space The future of the human race!

Science that did not go right Things to keep you up at night

Biology with stings and fangs Chemistry that stinks and bangs

Freaky physics, we do that

Quantum gravity - what's that?

Weird and gross stuff you should know

Welcome to...

The Horrible Science show! #

DRAMATIC VOICE: Coming soon... A new breed of superheroes.

The Force Force,

an elite team of our greatest forces -

forces that affect everything around the world.

Featuring... Friction.

I'm the force generated by two things rubbing together

to make them grip each other.

So don't rub me up the wrong way.

You'll only make me stronger.

Magnetism.

What can I say?

I'm attractive.

Only to metals, though.

No, not just metals.

OK. Mainly metals. Mm.

Gravity.

I'm so powerful, I can move planets.

I pull things towards me

without having to lift a finger.

DISTANT VOICE: Argh!

Help!

I'm trapped under a shed that's randomly fallen on me!

DRAMATIC VOICE: And Applied Force.

Hiya. I can move things

by pushing them -

physically touching them and applying pressure. Boring!

How did you get on to the team?

I'm still a force. Just...a fairly dull one.

Wielding the power of the forces,

the Force Force can save any situation.

DISTANT VOICE: Help!

Help me! I'm trapped!

All this wood just fell down off the roof!

Can any of you help me out? I will move it with my magnetism.

But it's made of wood.

OK. Wood's not magnetic.

Fall onto something metal next time, please.

I can use gravity to make it heavier.

No, no, no, no! It's heavy enough.

Can't you make it fly or turn it into smoke or something?

We're really more focused on, you know,

like pushing and pulling stuff.

Pushing or pulling. Pushing and pulling - it's all forces do.

I could apply force with my hands by pushing it off.

Thank you.

HE GROANS

If it was lighter, which it isn't.

Wow. You guys have got to be pretty much the worst superheroes ever.

Oh!

I shouldn't have cancelled the fire brigade.

DRAMATIC VOICE: The Force Force - here to save the day.

As long as that only involves pushing or pulling stuff

that's not too heavy.

An ordinary house in Yorkshire with an extraordinary problem.

Dad, just pick up the biscuit and hand it to me.

This is ridic... Sh-da-da-da-da.

You're welcome.

He's a great dad.

Precious cargo.

He just really likes levers.

CRASH

Oh, goodness me!

The levers are OK!

Oh.

Goodness me!

He found out about levers online.

Turns out if you get a board and put it on a support,

you can lift a surprisingly heavy object with very little force.

Don't get me wrong, it's interesting.

It's just...it's taking over our lives.

Clive, kettles aren't that heavy. Just do it the old-fashioned way.

It IS the old-fashioned way.

People have been using levers since 5000 BC.

Goodness!

Oh!

The ups and downs of living with a lever fan

have taken their toll on Miriam,

and things have come to a head.

Dad, just pick up the remote.

We've been stuck on the same channel for hours!

There are some things you just can't lever.

Wrong again. You can lever anything!

As the Ancient Greek engineer Archimedes once said,

"Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it,

"and I shall move the world."

Except in a Greek accent.

Clive, it's just all becoming quite a heavy load to bear.

Well, you know what would help with that, don't you?

Don't you dare say a lever.

Clive finally seems to understand the gravity of the situation

and has decided to try life without levers...

..because his family threw them all out.

So it's been about three days since I made a lever.

I realise there's more to life than finding simple machines

that minimise physical effort, but...

SQUEAKING

What's that?

Oh, what? This? Oh, it's just a basic double-pulley winch,

which means you use way less effort to lift heavy things.

Oh... Dad, please don't!

I want to get that. Go on. Get out of the way, please!

I want a double-pulley winch!

NARRATOR: The following day, and Clive's had an express delivery.

Oh! Ho-ho-ho-ho!

That's even better than I thought. Look at that,

Archimedes would've bloomin' loved this!

Hiya. Just sprucing up before my nest mates get back.

Don't want those bird brains getting in a flap.

Not that we're just about appearances -

we're deep thinkers, you know.

We're always discussing the big questions of the universe.

Like, why is our poo white when our food isn't?

Why don't we have any teeth?

And why do I clean my house with something I plucked from my bottom?

Makes you think. Anyway, great minds like us have been getting together

and discussing scientific questions like those throughout history.

Mind you, in the 17th century,

scientists did that in coffee shops instead of nests.

Weird.

UPBEAT THEME MUSIC PLAYS

So no-one told you science was ever done this way

Public experiments The dolphin's DOA

I'll be thither for thee

Cos you're hither for me. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Ah, coffee!

The perfect combination of the look of mud and the taste of old socks.

Try it this way.

Yoink!

What? Thief! Physics makes me hungry.

I don't care what experiment you're doing.

Central Werk is a snake-free zone! Now, go on, get out!

Scientists, huh?

CHEERING

BOTH: What news have you?

I just tried that new coffee shop.

Could it BE any more dreadful?

Bad drinks, lumpy chairs?

No. You're only allowed to speak Latin.

And I forgot how to say, "Two coffees, please."

Could I BE any more embarrassed?

Watch out for that bucket of...

Oop! Argh.

..dolphin guts.

Anyone missing their intestines?

Newton and I saw some guy dissect a dolphin at the Royal Society.

They said we could keep the innards as souvenirs.

And you decided to bring them with you?

Please tell me that wasn't because Halley's hungry.

As if! Although...

Hey, we're still working on those. I thought you'd finished.

We were on a break!

Well, you do realise this is a coffee shop?

You're supposed to use the tables, you know, to drink coffee.

Oh, come on. This is a Stuart coffee shop.

They're the best place to meet London's greatest minds. Oh!

And we get to talk to you as well.

Ha-ha.

Speaking of London's finest minds...

How are YOU doing?

With your studies.

These places are great, aren't they?

Poets, philosophers, scientists all under one roof.

Sharing news, making discoveries.

Yeah. And dolphin bits all over my clean floor.

ALL: Ooh!

Hook said that he could get hold of an entire dolphin

to dissect ourselves.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

ALL: What news have you?

Bad news. I left the dolphin on the stagecoach.

Whoa!

I hope these aren't dolphin guts.

Who's going to tell him?

How are YOU doing? Not now.

APPLAUSE

UPBEAT THEME MUSIC PLAYS

ALIEN LAUGHS

Hey, Earthlets!

Do you ever look up at the stars

and dream of visiting them one day?

Well, don't.

Because they're just giant balls of fire.

Look. Here's a postcard from my friend Petri -

sent from her holiday on a star.

It just says, "Ow, it's hot here."

Yeah. So if you want to visit space,

I recommend visiting the planets and not the stars.

You don't want to melt your spaceship.

I expect that it won't be long

before you humans are out there exploring.

Send us a postcard!

Hi. I'm Euge Ego,

head of Ego Enterprises,

Ego Supermarkets,

Ego Soda,

the balloon company Inflated Ego,

and my next venture, Ego Boosters,

which will be powered by pure mathematics.

This is how it works.

If you fold an ordinary piece of paper,

it doubles in thickness.

Fold it again, and it's now four times as thick as when you started.

Third fold, and now it's eight times as thick.

Just four folds, and your piece of paper is 16 times as thick

as an ordinary piece of paper.

So here's a question for you.

How many times would you have to fold a piece of paper

before its thickness stretched all the way from the Earth to the moon?

Is it...

A, 42 folds?

B, 142 folds?

Or C, 1,042 folds?

And the answer is...

..A, 42.

That's right.

If you can fold a piece of paper

just 42 times, it'll be so thick

it reaches to the moon.

Well, we needed a humongous piece of paper,

but we did it.

We folded it 42 times,

so now it's over 385,000km thick.

And we sent a couple of astronauts, or, as I like to call them,

Ego-nauts,

up it to climb to the moon.

Um, did you say 42 folds?

Cos we folded this 51 times.

Yikes. I mean, 51 times would be enough folds to reach the sun.

DISTANT VOICE: Ow, ow! Oh, no...

I hope the Ego-nauts remembered their sunblock.

Just like you humans,

I'm searching for other planets in our solar system that have

the right conditions to support intelligent life.

Unfortunately, I forgot to bring spare clothes,

food, water and a spaceship.

I'm literally just floating out here.

So, um, if you're looking for intelligent life on other planets,

maybe don't look on mine.

Oh, Keith. Not you too!

What are we like?!

Hello, everyone.

Teddy's excited today because we have a guest

who'll be sharing a bedtime story about the twinkly stars in the sky.

That's right. It's my job to study the stars in the sky

through a telescope. I'm called an astronomer.

Me and Teddy like to pretend we're sitting on a star,

twinkling away in the sky.

Whoosh! Whoosh! Ha-ha!

And then, "Argh!"

Because the immense heat from the star would burn you

until there's nothing left. Ha-ha! Fun!

Maybe the boys and girls should stay away from stars.

Well, if they did, they'd fr-fr-freeze to death,

because it's the sun that keeps us warm,

and the sun is a star.

There must be somewhere safe.

Oh, there is. It's called the Goldilocks Zone.

Oh, we love the story of Goldilocks, don't we, children?

Well, the Goldilocks Zone is a bit different.

It's the part of the solar system

that's not too hot, not too cold,

but just right for water to exist as a liquid.

Because without water, there'd be no life at all.

But happily, as you can see,

our planet, Earth, is right there in the Goldilocks Zone.

And so is Venus!

I bet Teddy would love to go on holiday to Venus.

He definitely would -

if he loves choking to death on the smell of eggy farts. Urgh!

I'm sorry. It sounded like you said... Eggy farts.

And that's not even the most fun thing about Venus.

Fun... I don't think I want to know.

Its atmosphere is so dense that if you went there,

it would squish you flat.

Pff, pff, pff, pff, pff. Agh.

That's you, Teddy. Oh.

Well, Venus is in the Goldilocks Zone, so it should be just right.

Yeah, but its atmosphere is too thick,

so the planet gets super hot,

and we think that all the water has evaporated.

So if Teddy went there, he would literally be boiled alive.

Oh!

BUBBLING

Children, can you say, "Boilllled alllive?"

No, they can't!

Well, perhaps they'd like to hear about another planet

in the Goldilocks Zone with a thinner atmosphere.

Yes, please.

It's called Mars, and it's a little red planet.

Red is my favourite colour.

But Teddy likes blue.

Well, then, Mars is perfect for both of you, because it's red in colour,

but because it's a long way from the sun

and doesn't have a thick atmosphere to keep in the heat,

it's minus 65 degrees,

so it would turn your skin blue

and you'd die!

PHH-RRR-RT!

I can smell egg, eggy fart.

Oh, no. Earth is turning into Venus!

We'll all be squished flat!

No, I think Teddy just did a fart.

Seriously?

All right. Fine. It was me.

I got nervous being on the telly.

It's a bad one. Sweet dreams, everyone.

ALL SHRIEK

Hello. I am Sir Isaac Newton!

I'm at something called a theme park.

And this is Science At Speed.

Get ready, because we're about to travel

at over 7km an hour!

Yeah, it's over 70km an hour.

Oh. It's a lot faster.

That's OK. I have absolutely no problems with...

Somebody stop him!

Today on Science At Speed,

sound,

and I shall be answering the question, "Is there sound in space?"

I mean, 70km an hour

does seem awfully fast, doesn't it? Isn't there a slower setting?

Arrgh!

Sound is a type of energy

that is created when objects vibrate!

Arghh!

The objects' vibrations make the air around them vibrate too.

Argh! Argh-argh!

Sound vibrations travel in waves.

And those vibrations eventually arrive at the ear,

which create vibrations inside the ear,

which the brain then makes sense of.

Why are we going backwards?! Argh-argh!

The waves of sound don't just travel - ooh - through air,

they also travel

through liquids, also types of solids!

Oh, we're going upside down. Argh!

Ha-ha!

Oh! Oh!

Now, liquid, air and solids

are all made up of tiny things called molecules.

And it's these molecules...

Oh, no, I can't bear this. I can't bear this!

Molecules are the things that are vibrating.

There are no molecules in the vacuum of space!

Uh! Argh!

And therefore...

..sound cannot travel in space.

HE RETCHES

Well...

That went quite well, I thought.

I'm Sir Isaac Newton, and that was the answer to the question,

"Is there sound in space?"

HE RETCHES

I could have just answered no, really, saved us all the bother.

Doctor, I don't mean to be indiscreet,

but there's a massive star in the waiting room.

Is it Timothee Chalamet?

No, I mean an actual star from space.

Oh.

STAR STRAINS

Hello, Doc.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Tell me, what should I call you?

MOUSE SQUEAKS

Well, my Nasa name is SDSSJ1229+1122.

But you can call me Twinkle.

Well, Twinkle, take a seat.

Uh,

maybe just hover, then.

How can I help?

I'm running on fumes, Doctor.

I used to be able to create million-mph solar winds

and still have enough energy left for a few million coronal loops.

Not any more.

Oh, I hate to say it, Twinkle, but you might just be getting older.

But I'm not even 100 million years old yet.

Oh.

In the right light, I could easily pass for 50 million.

Be that as it may, Twinkle, none of us are getting any younger.

And I think it's worth talking through what comes next

for an ageing star like you.

Ageing?! Harsh.

There are two ways it can go.

Firstly, you could just run out of energy

and turn into a red giant.

Then you tend to get a bit cooler.

Then you run out of energy

and explode.

I'm going to explode?

I've never even lost my temper before.

It's called a planetary nebula. It's a natural process.

Nothing to worry about.

And after that, you get to retire

as a white dwarf, where you spend the rest of your days

slowly cooling down.

I'll be honest, Doctor,

that doesn't appeal. What's the other option?

Well, you'd puff up

to become a red supergiant

and then explode into a supernova.

Ooh, fancy.

It is the biggest explosion known to humans.

Stop it! You're making me blush.

After the explosion, you become a neutron star.

Or...you turn into a black hole,

which is a horrifying vortex from which nothing escapes,

not even light.

That does sound like me.

But honestly, Twinkle, you have tens of millions of years

before you have to worry about all that.

Oh, that's a relief. Thanks, Doc. Bye!

Martin, who's next?

We've got a planet out here to see you, Doctor.

It's a gas giant. And what seems to be the problem?

PHH-RRR-RT!

Oh. Never mind. I can guess.

Evil plan number 307.

Come up with more evil plans.

HE SLURPS

HE SWALLOWS

HE BREATHES OUT

Good morning, henchpeople.

Today is Bring Your Evil Scheme To Work Day.

Yay!

I said, "Yay."

ALL: Yay!

I'd like to hear all of your fun ideas

for holding the world to ransom.

Dev, would you like to go first? OK.

Um... So, uh, you know how the Earth is a rich source of fossil fuels?

Oil, gas, coal? Sure.

Why don't we threaten to burn a load of them,

releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere?

It's a greenhouse gas, so it will trap all the heat from the sun,

and it will cause the globe to warm up.

I call it Earth heating.

Seriously? That's your big plan?

Firstly, people are already doing that.

And, secondly, it's already got a name.

It's called global warming.

See? You've been beaten to it.

But how did you... I have pictures for every occasion.

They don't call me Dr Big Brain for nothing.

Say hello to my river of lava.

Bye, Dev.

Thank you for the opportunity!

So sad.

I don't think I'll ever get over his death.

Daphne, you're next.

Um...

Well, you know how trees help the planet

by removing carbon dioxide gas from the atmosphere?

Yes. They take in carbon dioxide and sunlight for food

and release oxygen. It's called photosynthesis.

Yeah. Well, what if we threaten to cut down all the forests?

I call it...un-treeing.

People are already doing that too. It's called deforestation!

Oh. How many pictures do you have?

You'll never know.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I've got another idea.

It had better not be something people are doing already.

OK, so cows release loads of methane when they, like,

burp and fart and stuff,

which is an even stronger greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide, mind.

I hope you're not about to say that we should farm billions of cows,

releasing even more methane into the atmosphere,

and then call it something stupid like Cattle Royale.

No, I called it a moonami.

Daphne, could you say "human cannonball"?

Human cannonba-arrghhh!

Oh. So sad.

I don't think I'll ever get over her death.

Now, Felix, would you like to pitch your idea, or should we just skip

to the part where I drop you into a piranha tank?

Well, I'm feeling good about this.

What if the real evil scheme was to actually save the Earth?

Keep going. Remember, there's no such thing as a bad idea.

Oh, wait. Yes, there is. And it would result in your death.

We could encourage people to use renewable energy like solar.

We could use carbon capture projects

to take carbon dioxide out of the air.

We could plant more trees.

And once we've ensured the Earth's survival for future generations,

I can destroy it!

The fools will never see it coming!

Ha-ha-ha! Mwah-ha-ha-ha...

Ah! It's brilliant! Ha-ha-ha!

Ooh! Argh!

Oops! Um...

SPLASH

Your name will not be forgotten, young Philip.

Felix!

CRUNCH

Ow! Whatever.

HE SLURPS

You know what? Your planet is a-maz-ing!

There's stunning landscapes wherever you look,

with plants and animals flourishing, thanks to the nurturing climate.

But best of all, the rocks don't try to bite your bum

when you walk past!

Grr. Don't even think about it!

Yes. You're lucky to live on such a beautiful planet.

And even luckier to have super-smart scientists

working hard to keep it that way.

Grr. Oi! I'm watching you.

POP MUSIC PLAYS

Hello, I'm the Earth

I'm your only home

We're inventing ways

To keep her healthy

To create a greener future

Science can help Mother Nature

Bright ideas that could help the world

Cows creating gas... #

PHH-RRR-RT!

Heats our atmosphere

Feed them this seaweed

Less burps out of here

PHH-RRR-RT!

This fossil fuel pollution

Electric cars are one solution

Brand-new science that could help the world

Adding minerals to my oceans

Helps marine plants absorb greenhouse gas

So many ideas to put in motion

3D-printed coral reefs

Provide a place for plants and fish to grow

New science that could help the world

Solar-powered clothes

Will help charge our phones

We'll need less fossil fuel

But we can still call home

New plastic-eating bacteria

Makes my seas and oceans cleaner

Our cool science that could help the world

We've got so many, many, many inventions

Lab-grown meat

And drones to drop seeds from the sky

Helping the Earth is our intention

You could help too

If you choose

Reduce, recycle and re-use

And together we could help the world. #

Bad chairs, lumpy drinks? No. The other way around. Sorry.

Help! Help!

Help me!

LAUGHTER

Weird and gross stuff you now know

Hope you enjoyed...

The Horrible Science show! #

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