Original subtitles

Deadly dinos, laser beams Putrid plants, cool machines

Hottie planets, moody moons Strange sights, big booms

Experiments that make you hurl Visitors from other worlds

Earth's core, stinky space The future of the human race

Science that did not go right Things to keep you up at night

Biology with stings and fangs Chemistry that stinks and bangs

Freaky physics, we do that

Quantum gravity What's that?!

Weird and gross stuff you should know

Welcome to The Horrible Science Show. #

Coming soon, the totally wicked story of Gravity.

Once upon a time, long before Elphaba and Glinda,

an apple fell on Sir Isaac Newton's head.

OK, so an apple never actually fell on my head.

I was just trying to explain gravity,

and I used an apple falling as an example.

OK, but you were the first person to understand

how gravity works, though, right?

You bet I was! I am...

I am the OG...E - the Original Gravity Explainer.

All right, enough chitchat. Hit it!

Something every object has

Big or small, it's still the case

This is a force that works on Earth, the Moon

And throughout space

A force we call non-contact that keeps us on the ground

It is a force that I am proud to say I found

So here am I Describing gravity

So don't you try Denying gravity

The force that pulls stuff down. #

Let gravity pull you to ancient Italy,

to meet popular astronomer Galileo,

who dropped cannonballs off a tower not just for LOLs,

but to find out if heavier objects fell faster than lighter ones.

Look out below!

Dropping stuff

I'm going to be dro-o-pping stuff

To measure the speed it falls All my cannonballs

Will land at the same time

SOMEONE SCREAMS

Cos they all accelerate the exact same rate

Everything will hit the ground when I'm dropping stuff

I really like dro-o-pping stuff... #

What was that?!

Gonna prove to you all That the speed things fall

If their mass is high or low is the same

SCREAMS

Just make sure you check before you throw. #

GROAN

He really should have moved.

It's the musical that's out of this world -

literally, because gravity affects everything in the universe,

including the Earth and the Moon.

BOTH: Floating

People think that we're just floating up in space... #

That's lies! The whole thing!

Let's just say it's gravity

I stay here cos Earth is pulling me

And without the Sun's huge gravity

We'd simply both be floating

And because of gravitation

He makes tides I'm a sensation

BOTH: And this force is strong

Cos the pull of gravity's so great We stick near our planetary mates

Without it, we'd be Floating, floating

Through space all day long. #

Forcing its way into theatres this fall - Gravity: The Musical.

So if you wish to see it, chuck something in the sky! #

Carefully.

What goes up must come down

But first, it can travel up pretty hi-i-igh

Oh, we're describing gravity

Who knew that I was describing gravity

Cos as mass pulls things down

Oh-oh-ho! #

Ow!

Ruined my last note!

Greetings, Earthlets. I am Pipette, and welcome to my planet, Quark.

It's like Earth, but the rivers are orange and the trees are angry.

TREE ROARS

Ugh, see?

And it's not burning rocks that come out of our volcanoes.

VOLCANO PASSES WIND

We have fart-canoes!

PIPETTE SNIFFS LOUDLY

Mmm, lovely.

We've got loads of good stuff here, but we're a bit short of geniuses -

you know, like that Newton guy. He makes science look easy, don't he?

I wonder what would happen if we made it harder for him.

PIPETTE LAUGHS

Science at speed

Science at speed. #

Today on Science at Speed, I shall be explaining in simple,

easy to understand terms

gravity. Hit it!

Oh, we're going backwards!

HE SCREAMS

Gravity is the invisible force

that... What's happening?

SCREAMING: That pulls every object in the universe towards each other!

INDISTINCT SCREAMING

Gravity is much stronger the bigger the object!

HE SCREAMS

SCREAMING: The force of gravity...!

Ahaha!

..is much stronger on the Earth than on the Moon

because the Moon is smaller!

INDISTINCT SCREAMING

I'm trembling in my eyes!

If there was no gravity, you would float!

It's why things fall down to the ground,

a bit like I am right now.

It's because they're being pulled down - I'm going to be sick -

by the gravity of the planet below them.

We're upside down, and this is gravit-A-A-A-AH!

The weaker the gravity, the higher you can jump,

because the... Oh, it doesn't matter.

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

I think I handled that quite well.

Science at speed. #

Stinky Space!

Oh...

I'm never going to win Nasa's Got Talent...

Director Lamont!

You can't outrun me, Leslie. I'm sorry. He pushed his way in.

Out of my way, Leslie.

I'm here to sign up. What? Show me the forms.

Yes.

"Name"? The Moon. "Occupation"? Moon.

"Address"? Moon, I guess...

What exactly are you applying for?

Because if it's to be an astronaut, you wouldn't fit in the rocket.

Astronaut?

MOON LAUGHS

Ridiculous. No, I want to be a planet.

SHE LAUGHS

A planet? You can't. You're the Moon.

But... I'm big and round, and I float in space.

Sounds pretty planetary to me. It's not that simple.

There are rules to follow. Oh, great. Let's hear them.

You have to be big enough to generate the gravity

needed to force yourself into a spherical shape.

Tick. That's just one of the rules. Thank you, Leslie.

Leslie, I never liked you...

But...? No, I've finished.

You also have to be big enough that your gravity is strong enough

to capture smaller objects in the same orbit of the Sun,

or push them out of your way.

Sorry, is that golf ball supposed to be me?

Rude! I look way more handsome.

In your case, it's the Earth that attracts everything

because the Earth is way bigger than you are. Oh...

So you fail that test. Bad luck.

Talk to the dark side, Leslie. Whoa!

You also fail the third test - you have to orbit a star.

Well, I orbit the Sun. That's a star.

No, you orbit the Earth, and the Earth orbits the Sun.

Wait, so I can't be a planet whilst I'm orbiting the Earth?

'Fraid not.

Fine. That's it. I'm leaving orbit.

Moon, you can't leave. Shh. Don't make it harder than it is.

No, you physically can't leave.

You're stuck in the Earth's gravitational pull.

Oh, well, actually, I think you'll find we've been

drifting apart for years.

Tell her, Leslie. Actually, he's right.

The Moon is moving away from the Earth

at around four centimetres a year.

So, goodbye forever. Here I go!

Four whole centimetres, baby. Is that it?

Yeah. Four centimetres a year? He's going to be here forever.

Well, I don't know about that...

Leslie, we're going to lunch. No, wait, because...

No, I'm going to move again in a year, and you're going to miss it.

Didn't want to be a planet anyway.

You're on! Hi, this is Hrffglerb with the Blerb,

live on Mars with the latest Mars news,

and usslawz, have I got a big story for you.

It's a disaster that threatens to blight the beauty

of our awesome Red Planet -

the dry lakes, stunning polar caps,

and above all, the mighty volcano Olympus Mons,

over two-and-a-half times as high as Earth's Mount Everest.

Or, as I like to call it, Tiny Hill Everest.

HE LAUGHS

It looks amazing, but something is spoiling our beautiful environment.

Littering. It's got so bad that a couple of Martian heroes,

Glunko and Jurrrrrrr, have started a campaign to clean up the planet.

Since 1971, humans have been sending

unmanned expeditions to Mars and then just leaving stuff here!

Ow!

This space trash gets right up my gezurnumpletz.

Seriously. They've sent a load of these robots to Mars,

and only two of them still work.

Don't get us wrong, the two that work are flergpag!

Oh, flerky flergpag.

The Perseverance rover used to be my favourite.

Then the Curiosity rover sang Happy Birthday to itself.

Oh, it's cute-a-tujibum!

But, you know, besides those two, there are 20 broken robots

that they fly-tipped on Mars...

21. Get the broom, lad, there's another one!

And, yeah, we've heard the excuses.

"Oh, it's not our fault. It crash-landed on the surface."

"It wasn't broken when it left us. It must have got damaged on entry."

"We'll defo pick it up later." Oh, sure.

You'll turn up on Mars with a bin liner to collect your robot trash.

Oh, don't make us polongagraf.

That is a special Martian word for laughing so much

that a tiny bit of cleeschweep comes out.

Oh, sure. We get that humans want to collect important

information about Mars...

No! I am doing an interview for the telly. Go... Go play with this.

Whe-e-e-e-e!

Look, we're not trying to put visitors off.

We're just saying that if you're going to visit Mars,

clean up after yourself.

Oh, quick, everyone!

Curiosity's about to take another photo! Hide!

Humans think Mars is uninhabited.

This is Hrffglerb with the Blerb, live on Mars.

Get down! Oops! Sorry.

Freaky Physics!

This year, we're bringing you winter sports in summer with added friction.

Yes, friction, the force that slows or stops movement

when two surfaces are touching.

Of course, in winter sports in winter, there's barely any friction

because ice is super slippery and smooth.

But where's the fun in that?

But doing these sports in summer will bring you less ice

and more friction between the skis, the ground and between the teams.

Smooth ice and snow? That's "snow good".

We've replaced them with rough surfaces like tarmac,

which creates friction when it rubs against the skis

and creates a race that is entirely in slow motion.

CHEERING

Really struggling.

Smooth skiing is for losers.

Curling!

You've seen it on ice, but what about on concrete?

Get that brush ready for the rush!

The friction will seize your imagination...

It's not moved!

..and also the curling stone!

This is terrible!

Bobsleigh!

With winter sports in summer,

it's not just the competitors that have grit -

the course does, too!

Whoopsie!

Ice dancing!

Grace, poise, almost complete lack of movement.

Feel the force of friction rubbing between the gravel and those skates

and stopping them from sliding at all.

SHE SCREAMS, HE GASPS

Majestic!

Ski jump!

And here's the most dangerous, death-defying winter sport of all,

in summer, with added friction.

ANNOUNCER: Three centimetres.

CROWD GROANS

Yes! PB!

Join us for the thrills of winter sports in summer,

with added friction for action that is gripping.

Frightening Light!

Oi, oi! It's me, the Sun!

Now, obviously, I think light is a-mazing,

but yous lot have taken it to the next level.

You've even figured out how to make it work for you in machines,

like with lasers.

I'm actually about to have a laser tag party

for my 4.6 billionth birthday.

LASER ZAPS Oi, Saturn! We haven't started yet!

Sorry!

SUN SIGHS

Evil Plan One - use an extremely powerful laser to get my way.

Maybe not all ten sleep darts next time, Alan.

I can't wait this long for her to wake up.

I've got Pilates in 20 minutes.

I'm... I'm sorry, Dr Big Brain.

I AM awake, Dr So Lame.

It's Big Brain, Agent Goody.

Now, allow me to show you my new toy. It's an industrial laser.

It emits an extraordinary light not found in nature.

You know, these lasers have many uses.

Alan! The diagrams!

Eye surgery, diamond cutting.

You see one every time you scan a barcode at the supermarket.

But today, its purpose...

..is death.

BELL TOLLS

Time to die!

HE CACKLES

Really? And who are you planning on killing?

I might have known. The word "laser" means

Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.

I can see why you shortened it. Shush.

ROBOTIC VOICE: Low battery.

Oh, you're kidding me.

OK, who forgot to charge the laser?

Alan?

Take a walk with me, Alan.

Don't worry, I'm not cross.

I just want you to have a look at the pit with

deadly spikes in it, over here.

SCREAMING: Oh, yeah, it's ni-i-ice!

It's so sad!

I don't think I'll ever get over his death.

Steve, congratulations on your sudden promotion

to Chief Hench-person.

Agent Goody, time for me to unnecessarily explain

how I'm going to kill you.

You see, ordinary light from a light bulb is made up of

all the colours of the rainbow.

But these light beams are all flying in different directions,

totally harmless.

However, if you take just one of these colours,

focus it and direct it at one thing, then...

You get a stronger beam of light.

Exactly. But please don't interrupt my speech.

We use a special bulb, mirrors and a ruby

to concentrate it into a very powerful beam of light.

This light beam gets stronger and stronger until...

A laser beam emerges. ..a laser beam...

Seriously, Steve?

What did I just say about interrupting me?

I'm sorry. You were just taking a long time.

I thought you needed help.

Take a walk with me, Steve. Oh, no, don't worry. I'm not cross.

I just need to have a quiet word with you

by the evil robot monkey cage. Sure.

In you go!

Oh, oh, oh...!

So sad. I don't think I'll ever get over his death.

Now, where were we? ROBOTIC VOICE: Battery charged.

Oh, yes. You're going to die.

HE CACKLES MANIACALLY

ROBOTIC VOICE: Trousers. 9.99. What?

Martin, can you come here, please?

This isn't my high-powered death laser.

It's a barcode reader.

Sorry, boss.

I think there was a mix-up with the deliveries or something.

A mix-up? But that would mean if we've got this

shop barcode machine, then my death laser would be in...

Excuse me? How much is this bag of oranges?

Let me check.

ELECTRONIC WHIRRING

EXPLOSION

Take a walk with me, Martin.

Agent Goody, out.

PIPETTE LAUGHS

Horribly Scientific Movies presents a terrifying tale

of heartbreakingly handsome vampires on holiday.

Oh!

Wow. You have, like, zero bed hair.

Yeah. Thanks, man.

Got to brush my fangs, though.

Bad case of coffin breath!

Ja. Er, can I borrow your toothpaste?

Yeah, sure. Look, your hairdryer's in with me for some reason.

There better be a yoga studio somewhere nearby!

Two eternal friends taking time to unwind

and avoid deadly sunlight.

Such a sick idea, coming to a town in the Arctic Circle, man.

I know, right?

Where we are now, here, near the North Pole,

thanks to the tilt of the Earth,

there is no sunlight from October

all the way to early March.

That's like six straight months

of total darkness! Yas!

We can hunt humans

to our dark heart's content all winter,

and there's nothing they can do about it.

Ja! How does my hair look?

Gorgeous. I know.

Let's show the North Pole how to party.

Karaoke bar? Don't mind if I do.

DOOR CREAKS OPEN

Argh! Argh!

Sunlight! Are you sure we're in the right place?

What flights did you buy? I don't know.

I'm 700 years old. I'm not great with booking stuff online.

Oh, yeah, no, you've done the South Pole, not the North Pole.

That's bad.

At the South Pole, there's constant sunlight for six months!

Oh, no! No darkness whatsoever.

I'm turning to dust.

Yet you still look fantastic. I know.

Six Months of Constant Sunlight,

the shortest vampire movie ever made.

Deadly Dinosaurs.

I think it's safe to say

those vampires weren't having a fang-tastic holiday!

Aha!

Anyway, I'm more interested in dinosaurs.

We chickens are actually their distant cousins,

and I think we have a lot in common,

especially with the T-Rex.

We both have fearsome faces, strong scaly legs

and a terrifying roar.

Check this out.

CHICKEN SQUAWKS

Oh, that sometimes does happen if I really go for it!

Let me just move that.

Oh, come on!

INTERCOM BUZZES

Hi, Doctor. There's a dinosaur here.

Martin! Mr Lewis may be elderly and a little set in his ways,

but please don't call him a dinosaur.

DISTANT RUMBLING

DEEP ROAR

CRASHING

FIERCE ROAR

IN REGULAR VOICE: Sorry! Stubbed my toe.

Hang on, let me just get the door.

Ooh, ooh!

GLASS SMASHING

Don't worry about that.

Just use the old head.

Happens all the time.

So, Mr T-Rex... Mm-hm. What does the T stand for?

Is it Terrence? Tyrannosaurus. Tyrannosaurus Rex.

It means...

IN FIERCE VOICE: ..the tyrant lizard king!

FIERCE ROAR

IN NORMAL VOICE: But call me T-Rex. Everyone does.

So, we've got your health check back,

and everything looks fine.

Oh, that's great news, Doctor!

Yep, yep, you're a good size. Mmm.

1.5m taller than a double decker bus.

Oh, that does explain why they never let me on!

And you've got great teeth - 60 of them, all about 20cm long.

Flossing is a minefield.

Your bite strength is great, 13 times more powerful than a lion.

FIERCE ROAR

LAUGHS: In your faces, lions!

Oh, there was one thing I did want to ask.

Go for it. So, obviously, I'm, like, a giant killing machine

with massive, powerful legs and huge teeth.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

What's going on with my arms?

It's just a quirk of evolution. Yeah.

No, but normally things evolve because they're super useful.

I mean, what are these for?

Well, one theory is that they're good for cuddling other T-rexes.

Ahhh! I do give great hugs.

Another is that they're good

for slashing other T-rexes in close combat.

Oh. Grr!

Yeah, that works.

Although I'd favour using your teeth for most battles if I were you.

Well, thanks for the help.

Nice to know these arms are going to come in handy!

HE CHORTLES

I'll let myself out.

Oh, no!

CRASHING

See you next time.

Would you like me to get it?

Ah, no, I can reach it.

Martin, please cancel my 2.15.

We could be here a while.

Oh, come on!

I can't believe how big dinosaurs are on your planet.

Our T-rexes are the size of a rabbit.

Oh, there's one now.

SWALLOWING

Oh, he's been swallowed by a squirrel.

Of course, on Planet Quark, squirrels are the size of bears.

Well, I guess things evolve differently

in different places, huh?

GROWLING

Nice squirrel!

I've got a nasty feeling in my nurbles

that thing thinks I've evolved from a nut!

FIERCE ROARING

See ya!

You just evolve with it, but it will take some time

And you'll upgrade and then change

Don't let any problem get in your way

Or you'll find yourself put on displa-a-a-a-ay

Giraffes grew longer necks, the highest leaves to get

Chameleon's skin blends them in so they'll keep on living

You could grow some wings and then you could fly

Or even coat your body in slippery slime

I think a bigger butt would do me fi-i-ine

The road to evolution sure is slow

It's slow, it's slow, so slow

Generations adapt as they go

They go, they go, they go

Environments change - don't get left behind

Behind, beh... # Do I have to sing it three times?

The best features get inherited

And the others, they go bye-bye

So just evolve with it

And pick the greatest mate

And then you keep on giving birth

Until your descendants inherit the Earth

It's the reason we're still here toda-a-a-ay

Bacteria started billions of years ago

Ago, ago, ago

The more successful strains began to grow

To grow, to gro... # Yeah, I think they get it.

Complex organisms joined the flow

The... # I mean, I'm adding nothing here.

Take a look at your family tree

There'll be some ape men in there, you know! #

No offence.

Cos you've evolved with it

You've gained a bigger brain

Lost body hair and you've dared

To stand up and walk on two feet, oh, yeah

You are natural selection all the wa-a-ay

But that is not the end, it's a process, my friend

Animals change, change again or they will not remain

Seals grew some blubber and kept in the heat

Bees vomited nectar and made honey

And, yes, a bigger butt is good for me. #

Oh, I think you've got a nice butt.

Thanks!

Wait one second! The boss...

I can't see what these words say.

Ah, I've got hair in my mouth!

Weird and gross stuff you now know

Hope you enjoyed

The Horrible Science Show! #

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