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Well, older brother, are you about ready to accompany our pa

on his annual cultural trip up to the Paiute nation?

Well, I guess so. Seems I have no choice.

Since I'm elected, I'm ready.

See if you can keep him from bringing home all that junk this time.

Now, just a minute. That isn't junk.

That's genuine and very fine Indian artwork.

About time you boys learn something

about Indian an and customs and language.

Some of the finest hides I ever seen in my life.

Hey, you wanna know something? This is a fact too. This is true.

Those Paiute women hand-chew those hides. That's why they're so soft.

I bet they got the strongest teeth in the territory.

Sometimes, I sense a certain lack of sensitivity in my sons.

All right, let's get those steers out. We're a little late now.

Hyah!

Hyah.

Hyah, hyah.

Greetings, old friend.

Well, your English is improving. Better.

We brought you the best beef we could pick out.

Good. You good man.

We've had good trading.

And now I have a gift which I would offer you

in honor of our long friendship.

It's a watch.

For telling time.

I am honored with friend's gift.

Will treasure long time.

I have gift for friend.

Young maiden. She yours.

I cannot accept a gift of an Indian maiden.

Not Indian. White girl.

Taken many, many years ago.

Good girl, work hard.

Teach me English.

My son cast eyes on her. Not good.

My son marry Paiute.

This one must go.

White name, Joan.

Did he say he'd kill her?

If she ever came back to the tribe he would.

Doesn't leave you much choice, does it?

Well, I guess we better--

Hey! Hey!

I wish he'd come on down here. I'm starving.

Not eat on time three day now.

Hop Sing ready go back China.

Has it only been three days? It seems a lot longer to me.

Why? You just saw her just that once when we brought her home.

She's been up in her room since. I'm not talking about her.

I'm talking about what it's been like to live with Pa.

I've never seen him so upset.

Pa's got quite a problem.

He's got a problem? He's got a tiger by the tail is what he's got.

There's a great sense of responsibility.

I mean, the chief doesn't give gifts lightly.

Gift? That's some gift.

I'll bet you this ends Pa's annual cultural trek to the Paiute nation.

Oh, I don't know. I think Pa will probably return the favor next year,

bring the chief something nice like a lighted stick of dynamite.

Heh. Yeah, or a loco steer.

Or maybe he'll make a gift of you, Hoss.

Very funny.

I'm glad somebody's happy about something.

No luck, huh?

No. She won't eat.

She give you any reason?

She won't talk either.

Look, Pa, maybe you ought to just give up and...

And what?

I'd be very happy to give up

if somebody else would take the responsibility.

The doctor won't even come out here.

He says, "Eventually her hunger will overcome her stubbornness."

The sheriff was no help either.

I thought Roy was kind of droll.

Droll.

He was downright sarcastic is what he was.

Adam, what did Roy say?

Well, he suggested that, uh, Pa get himself another watch,

like a grandfather's clock, and maybe renegotiate with the chief.

Very funny.

Well, he's got a point there.

You might just try to explain to him that things aren't working out very well.

Adam, you know perfectly well you can't return a gift to a Paiute chief.

Besides, he meant what he said. They'd kill her.

No eat new, food not fit to eat.

All right, Hop Sing. We'll eat now.

Indian girl no like Hop Sing food?

I said, we'll eat now. She loco.

Hop Sing, we're gonna eat right now. Will you stop yelling in my ear?

Hey, Pa, I got an idea.

Listen, all this good food,

if she gets a smell of this, she'll eat, I guarantee you.

I'll just make a plate of it,

I'll take it up there to her and I'll hold it out in the hall

and just let her get a waft of it through the door.

I guarantee you she'll eat.

Hoss, that's not a very good idea, Hoss.

It'll work, Pa. I tell you, it's not a very...

Well, so she eats. Then what?

Well, she should be given a chance

to learn to live with her own kind of people.

She's been living as an Indian since she was a child.

It won't be easy for her.

What do you want us to do to help?

I suppose we should be understanding and patient.

Help her make an adjustment.

She ain't hungry.

You was right, Pa.

That does it.

What are you gonna do, Pa?

I'm gonna give that lady a very necessary talking to.

What's he mean by that, Adam?

Well, you must remember that expression from when you were a kid.

You don't mean he's gonna...?

I'm afraid so.

Now, we've tried every reasonable way we know,

but you still persist in this stubborn refusal

to do anything we ask you to do.

Well, I'm giving you three seconds to get downstairs to din--

I spit on your mother's shadow!

I know that the Paiutes taught you many unpleasant expressions,

so I'm not gonna hold that against you, young lady.

I spit on your grandmother's shadow! Come here.

See what spitting you do on that!

Boy, she's a feisty one.

She throws a pretty mean plate too.

You know, frankly, I son of wish Pa hadn't have gone back up there.

It's along ride this time of night to go fetch a doctor.

Oh, I think I'd put my money on Pa this time.

Oh, yeah? How much?

Well, Pa?

She'll be down in a minute.

Hop Sing, bring out afresh plate here.

I didn't bet.

Up.

Joan. Sit down, please.

And speak English.

All right. I spit on your-- Now, just sit down here.

Just eat. Move up there.

Unless you wanna have another conversation

the same we had upstairs.

Put a little gravy on there.

Now, I'd like you to eat that, please.

If you will.

Joseph. Joseph.

Joanie, how do you make it so shiny?

I spit on your mother-- Joan.

Bear fat.

Yeah, I thought I recognized that odor.

Uh, Pa, if you don't mind, there's a sick horse out in the barn.

I think I'll go out and take care of him.

I think I better go help him, Pa.

Excuse me. Sure.

Good. Missy eat now.

Is good, yes?

Is good? No?

Hop Sing, I'll call you if I need you.

Yeah, feels a little more like it.

Hang on.

I spit on your mother's shadow!

Uh, see, I got two of everything so that you could, uh,

alternate them and keep them clean that way.

It's pretty, isn't it?

What is this?

Oh, uh, that's...

Well, that's...

That's, uh...

It's a camisole. It's an undenhing.

That's an undenhing and that's--

Well, these are-- These are all underthings.

What is under-thing?

Well, an undenhing is a...

You...

Well, you wear it under your dress.

All this under dress is too much. I not can move.

Under this, I not wear--

Joanie.

Now, look, Joan, if you're gonna live like a white woman,

you gotta dress like a white woman.

Now, be a good girl

and you go on upstairs and put these things on.

And put these on too.

They're, uh, shoes. Boots.

Indian man much kinder to woman than white man.

Adam, where you been?

Oh, I was over at Clem White's.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, about that trade of some grain for some hogs.

No, no, no. We took care of that three weeks ago.

I was over to see about selling him some stock.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I've been leaving everything up to you boys lately.

I'm sorry to put the extra work on you, but...

We don't mind the extra work. It's just...

I've been really making some good progress with the girl.

She's up in her room putting on some decent clothes that I bought her.

And then what?

Just what is it that you wanna do with her?

We've gotta prepare her for the world. Gotta help her adjust.

Expect me to get stinking thing on feet?

I guess I got them a couple of sizes too small. Heh.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it. She'll adjust.

Have you boys noticed, uh, Joan's new clothes?

Sure have, Pa. They're real nice. Some clothes, all right, Pa.

A real fashion plate, yes, sir.

Dress stink!

Boots stink!

Things under stink! You stink!

All you-- Joan. Joan!

Come with me.

Shut the door, please.

Joan?

Look at me, Joan.

Look at me.

I'm sorry. I made a mistake.

I've been forcing things on you,

trying to make you want things which you didn't want

or even care about.

So, uh...

You're free to go now.

Free? Yeah.

You mean I do what I want?

Yes, of course. I'm not your jailer.

Good. I go now.

Where will you go? Back to my people.

You hate the white world so much

that you'd go back to the Paiutes knowing that they'd kill you?

There is other tribes.

These other tribes, they'd accept a Paiute castoff, a white girl?

Knowing English my mother teach me not make me white.

She die when I 10.

Only world I know is Indian world.

Well, we must find our own world to live in.

I just hoped that our world might please you.

So now you can pick your own.

Hey, Pa, what's the matter?

Joan came busting through the living room

like she was on her way to a fire. Yeah, I know. She's going away.

Adam, would you saddle her horse for her?

Hey, well, it's dark, Pa. Shouldn't she at least wait until morning?

When you're young and you're running away

from something that you're afraid of or you don't understand,

I guess it doesn't make any difference whether it's day or night.

I try your way.

Are you sure?

Are you sure you want to? Yes.

I think about what you say.

I try your world

and see.

Come in.

Welcome home.

How can I walk in this shoe?

Like balancing on stones crossing creek.

Well, it takes a little patience. Besides, you haven't buttoned them properly.

Now, look, I'm gonna show you just this once more.

I never learn to walk in this.

Or dress right or eat with fork.

Joanie, you can do anything you set your mind to do in this world

if you just take a little time and patience.

But I start so late to learn what others learn as child.

You're not much more than a child yourself.

I not child.

Wyote, son of chief, would marry me.

It doesn't make you a woman.

Jean, in our world,

and your world now,

people marry for different reasons than they do in the Paiute world.

Here we usually marry for love.

I tell you before that is word I learned in English,

but it is only word.

Yeah, well, when it happens to you, it'll be more than "only word."

You'll meet someone some day,

and he'll be different than other men.

And when he talks,

his voice will have a special meaning just for you alone.

And when he touches you...

...it'll be as if you've been waiting for that touch all your life.

When it happens, you'll know.

It's like...

Like something magic.

Now, up you get.

There.

Boy, I need magic to walk in this stinking--

In this shoe.

All right. Practice.

Let go.

Now, you reckon what could be so all-fired funny in there?

Well, whatever it is,

it's all right with me as long as it keeps him laughing.

Yeah.

Oh.

Sewed hooks all crooked.

Another mistake.

I wish I was like you.

You never make mistakes.

Oh, don't I?

I got that dress about ten sizes too big for you, didn't I?

However, according to Lady Stanhope:

"Men are forgiven mistakes in the social world.

Ladies must know."

Why don't you leave that alone?

There's an article here about Senator Douglas I'd like you to read.

He's a man I admire very much.

"According to Senator Douglas,

if war comes between the states, the silver of our..."

"Territory."

"...territory,

will be of vital impedance"

What are you laughing about? Nobody said anything funny.

I was remembering that book of etiquette

I've been reading these last few weeks.

What did you find amusing about it?

Well, it was just that drawing of all those knives and forks,

you know, that they use,

and here I struggle with one.

I wouldn't worry about that.

Pa's been lecturing me for years,

and I still get confused past one of each.

Men are forgiven mistakes in the social world,

but ladies must know.

Now, I wonder who made that proclamation?

I think it was Lady Stanhope of England

who wrote the book of etiquette.

I see.

Well, I don't think we have to worry about entertaining Lady Stanhope

at the Ponderosa.

Uh, Adam, excuse me.

Joan, did you find anything interesting in the newspaper lately?

Yes, I did.

I was reading a most interesting article

about the silver lobby in Washington.

According to Senator Douglas, if war comes between the states,

the silver of our territory could well be of vital importance politically.

According to Senator Douglas,

the economic situation,

both for the North and the South,

would be unlimited.

And so from the time of the Egyptians,

silver has influenced the destinies of men and nations,

according to Senator Douglas.

That's very interesting. According to Senator Douglas.

Joan, I found the conversation most informative. Thank you.

Well, I will leave you, gentlemen, to your coffee and brandy.

I have some sewing waiting for me in my room.

Well, what do you think?

That was quite a performance, wasn't it?

I must admit, she's a lot different than she was two months ago

when we first saw her.

Yeah, she's, ahem, become an interesting composite.

What do you mean?

A composite.

Of Lady Stanhope, Senator Douglas and Ben Cartwright.

All right, you accomplished what you set out to do.

But now what are you gonna do with it? You got a plan?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a plan.

She'll have a-- She'll have what every woman deserves.

A chance for her rightful place in society. As a wife.

You, uh-- Ahem. You already got somebody picked for her?

Well, of course not.

She's gonna make her own choice.

There are plenty of red-blooded men in the territory.

Just wait till they get a look at her.

What do you figure on doing, advertising her?

Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I am.

In a way.

We're gonna give a party this Saturday night

and invite every eligible bachelor in the territory.

She'll be fighting them off by the dozen, you'll see.

According to Senator Douglas,

if war comes between the states,

the silver of our territory could well be of vital importance politically.

According to Senator Douglas, the economic possibilities,

both for the North and the South, are enormous.

Let us take for example ten basic economic advantages

for the North. First--

Mr. Cartwright.

Oh, well, don't let me interrupt. Please go on.

Oh, no, sir. Uh, you're not interrupting at all, sir.

No, sir. I believe we could, uh, use some of that punch.

Well, uh, what were you talking about?

Senator Douglas' monetary theories.

Oh.

Well, Joan, uh, you know,

a subject like that doesn't have too much appeal for young fellas.

Why don't you talk about other things?

What other things?

Well, things like, uh...

Oh, Tom.

Tom Bellow, come on over here. First time I've seen you tonight.

Now, you know Joan, of course. Oh, uh, yes, sir.

We had a long talk about Senator Douglas.

Well, that's not a very exciting subject for a young girl.

Now, Tom, I know you can do better than that.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you and Joan go outside, get a breath of fresh air?

Show her the moon.

Now, there's a subject that young girls never get tired of, see?

Go ahead, now, along with you. Both of you.

Little music.

Tom Bellow has just took Joan out for a walk in the moonlight.

Think Lady Stanhope would approve?

Well, never mind Lady Stanhope.

I think I understand young people better than she does.

Which reminds me.

I haven't seen you fellas, uh, dancing with any of the girls tonight.

What girls?

You were so busy inviting eligible bachelors,

you forgot to invite any eligible girls.

Oh. I guess I did.

And I spit on your grandmother's shadow!

Joan, what happened?

The Paiutes, they told me about this moon madness.

I did not like it.

Well, I'll tell that young fella a thing or two.

No. No, it's not important.

Of course it's important.

I'm not gonna let him spoil your party.

Yes, and he told me the reason for this party.

If I'd known, I could have saved you the trouble.

I have no need for these young men.

There's no magic with them.

No magic.

I'm going to bed.

Well, that's the last of them.

Sorry the party wasn't the success you expected.

Well, I'm very surprised at Tom's behavior.

Really very surprised.

Maybe Tom didn't understand the circumstances.

What circumstances?

Well, maybe like she said, Pa.

She just ain't interested in young fellas.

Heh. She's a young girl.

Maybe she likes more mature men, like you.

What's all this nonsense about?

Maybe it ain't so much nonsense, Pa.

Maybe... Maybe what?

Maybe she loves you.

That girl doesn't even know the meaning of the word.

Oh, indeed, I do.

Pa, there's some stock that's gotta be taken care of out in the barn.

Yeah, I'm gonna help him, Pa.

I'm more practical. I'm going to bed.

It took me a long time to realize what had happened to me,

just as it will take you time.

No.

Take time.

You'll realize how right it is.

You're the finest, most wonderful man in the world,

and I love you very much.

Good night, Benjamin, darling.

Good morning, Benjamin.

Breakfast will be ready in a moment.

Oh. Uh, well, I'll wash up.

That will be all for now, Hop Sing, thank you.

Benjamin?

You've taken time and thought about it?

Oh, yes. Uh, yes, Joan, I have.

Then you understand.

Uh, Joan, I want to ask you a question.

Where did you get this idea?

Last night at the party. When I looked at all those young men.

Then I looked at you. And then I knew

because the magic was there.

What magic? The magic you told me was love.

It happened, just as you said it would.

Yeah, but...

Oh, heh.

Joan, when I told you that, I wasn't talking about me.

No, no, this feeling that you have-- This love I have.

This feeling that you have, it isn't love, Joan. It's...

It's, well...

It's what students feel for their teachers sometimes.

It's not what you think.

I know how I feel!

It's how you feel that's important.

Well, I know how--

This conversation's ridiculous. Not according to Senator Douglas.

Senator-- What does Senator Douglas got to do with it?

Senator Douglas said all things can be settled logically if intelligently applied.

It has nothing to do with logic. It has too.

Joan... Look at me, I'm the proof.

Joan, please... Look at me. Would you look at me?

I'm looking at you.

All right. Now, what has this got to do

with Senator Douglas' immortal clichés about logic?

Am I not what you made me?

Did you not say the night of the party

that I would make a perfect mate for any man?

Well, ye-- No!

I wa-- Yes, as an artist would speak of a creation.

There, you admitted it. Admitted what?

You said that you created me.

Now, would you create something that you hated,

something that you didn't care about? Joan, Joan.

Would you? No, you wouldn't.

You'd create something that you loved.

Joanie.

Joanie, love has nothing to do with logic.

It has everything to do-- Joan.

Let me give you a very pertinent, logical fact.

I'm old enough to be your father. Oh, poo.

If a Paiute's wife dies,

he looks for the youngest next wife he can find,

one who can work hard and give him many sons.

Joan, I have enough sons. Well, I'll give you more.

Bigger than Hoss, smarter than Adam and handsomer than Little Joe.

Joan, now, listen to me. I am not the man for you.

I'll show you that you are.

You hold me. There's an old Paiute custom--

Joan, we are not Paiutes.

We can borrow the custom for just a little while.

Joan, please! Joan, will you stop this?

Oh, sorry, Pa.

Come in, boys.

Benjamin has some news to tell you.

I got some chores to do.

Benjamin?

Oh, hi, Pa. Adam.

You been, uh, out doing some errands?

Yeah, uh, Joan asked me to take her into town to get some things.

We, uh, looked for you, but you were gone.

Yeah, well, I, uh, had some things to do around the barn.

Yeah.

You got something on your mind? Mm-hm. Same thing's on your mind.

Joan.

She thinks she's gonna marry you.

Well, that's nonsense. I told her so.

Well, she thinks she's gonna marry you.

It sure isn't nonsense to her.

Well, of course it's nonsense.

She's not gonna marry me. Heh.

She's not in love with me.

It may take her time, but she'll realize that.

Well, I don't know if you got that much time.

You know one of the things she wanted to look at in town?

Wedding dresses. Wedding dresses?

Now, you always taught us

that the, uh, hurt you feel when you tell the truth

is a little shorter and less painful

than the hurt you feel when you, uh, don't face the truth.

The hurt will go away, I promise you.

In time, you'll have to look close to even see even the scar.

I have a close and very dear friend in San Francisco.

Her only daughter died about five years ago

and I know that she would welcome you as a companion,

even as a daughter.

You don't believe I love you.

I believe that you're misinterpreting the word.

No.

You told me.

You said one man will seem different,

his voice special, his touch magic.

That is how I feel.

But, Joan, the way you feel now,

you'll feel so differently five or ten years from now,

when you're a mature woman.

I don't care about five or ten years from now.

I care about now. I care about how I feel now.

But you don't love me, do you?

I love you.

But not as you think I-- How you want me to love you.

I love you as I love Adam, Hess and Little Joe.

That isn't what I mean.

You just don't understand.

Maybe I do.

The tears for lost youth are just as bitter.

And the cry, "Where were you when I was young?"

Just as painful.

You don't love me.

You don't love me.

Joan.

I'm consumed...

...with jealousy and envy

for the young man who will one day marry you.

I, uh, wired my friend in San Francisco.

And I talked to Chief Keooe again.

His son has married

and he says that you are welcome to go back to the tribe if you wish.

So you see, you have two worlds from which to choose.

Two worlds?

I have no world.

You destroyed the world of the Indian for me

and now you've destroyed your world for me too.

I'll, uh, get the ticket for San Francisco.

I'm sorry you're unhappy.

I'm sorry my father's unhappy.

He didn't mean to mm you.

He doesn't care anything about me.

I think he cares a great deal.

No, he cares nothing.

And my life is empty.

Your life is just beginning.

And I think your head is a little too young to break.

The bruise will heal.

But my father,

when he thinks of you in the future, will feel sad and guilty

because he'll remember you now in your unhappiness

and blame himself.

Well, he should.

Why, just because he tried to help you?

He's given you a future,

no matter what you may think now.

And if you love him,

give him something too.

Take the guilt away from him.

Let him remember you now without unhappiness.

You teach as well as your father.

Thank you, Adam.

Guess we better be getting aboard.

Excuse me.

Pardon me, are you going to San Francisco?

Yes, yes, I am.

Oh, well, then we'll be fellow passengers.

My name is Joan Wingate.

I'm John Turner.

Well, I have the, uh, fare all arranged.

Well, good.

I guess we can get onboard. Here, let me help you.

Oh, uh, this is John Turner.

He's going to San Francisco too.

How do you do? Mr. Turner.

Well, goodbye. And thank you, Benjamin.

Come on.

She's gonna be all right, Adam.

Yes, sir, she's gonna be all right.

Yeah, she'll be all right, Pa. Why not?

She's got everything you taught her,

and a few of her own.

Like courage.

Like magic.

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