All language subtitles for movieddl.me_Uncle.S03E05.1080p.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

'Southbridge Comprehensive.
How can I help?'
Hello. This is Herbert Jones,

and I work for
the Bone Marrow Registry

of England and Wales.

I am trying to get in contact with
one of your former teachers,

a Miss...Melodie Thomas.

It seems that she may be a potential
match for one of our patients.

'Sorry, we can't give out
any personal information.'

Oh. Well, that's fine. I'm sure
our patient will understand...

when they're dead!

This programme contains some
strong language

HE TAPS ON KEYBOARD

What do you think would be

a nice present for your mum

when she finishes radiotherapy?

Hello? Veronica just asked you a
que... Would you mind not using that

at the breakfast table?

Actually, I would. I've found an
amazing deal for my Euro trip.

And it's going to be gone in a
couple of minutes unless we act now.

What Euro trip?

The one for my 16th birthday.

I've found a package that takes me
to Barcelona, Rome, Athens,
Istanbul, Munich

and Stockholm, home of the world's
largest Ikea.

And it's only £2,500.

Can I use your credit card?
I already know the number.
Definitely not.

What 16-year-old goes alone
on a trip round Europe?

Malala won a Nobel prize
when she was 16.

It was the Peace Prize.
They give that to anyone.

If you don't want me to go alone,
I can always just ask Murray Thomas.

His crippling sleep apnoea
has nearly cleared up now.

You get straight As in your GCSEs,
then we'll talk.

That's not fair.

I'm bored of formal education.
I'm trying to enrich myself.

If you feel that strongly about it,
you're old enough to get a job
and pay for the trip yourself.

A job? You want ME to get a job?

Me? A rebel thinker?

Hands of a Victorian lady?

Do I look like I'm built
for hard labour?

I'm not ordering you down the mines.
What century are you living in?

Why don't you just...
blog for money or something?

Ha! You think writing pays money?

What century are YOU living in?

How do you know
my credit card number?

Jesus, Andy!
What? You're just peeing.

This had better be good. I was about
to break my Wordament high score.

I can't decide which guitar to use
for the song that I'm writing.

Have you ever heard of Old Black?

Don't tell me that's what
you call Bruce's penis.

No, that's Will Smith II.

No, I'm talking about
Neil Young's guitar.

What do you know about Neil
Young's...? The TV was stuck
on BBC Four one night.

Neil's had Old Black for, like,
40 years,

even though she weighs a ton
and gives him back pain.

Now, why would Neil put up
with that when he could buy
any guitar in the world?

Will Smith II? Seriously?

It's because he's dedicated
to her, for better or worse.

That is why Neil's the kind
of guy he is.

He puts in the hours to make
the relationship work.

Can you see me settling down
and getting married?

We learn how to form healthy
relationships from our parents.

That's a yes.

You're screwed. Now, get out.

Hang on, are you hiding in here?

No, I'm just enjoying
my last moments of peace

before Mum and Dad arrive
from Spain tonight.

What are you stressed about?
They're not that bad.
Oh, really, says the golden child?

Meanwhile, I'm the one that has to
smile while Mum criticises my hair

and goes on about
homoeopathic cures,

and Dad boasts about his
five seconds as a folk singer.

And, yes, I've stocked up on booze,
and, no, I haven't had any,

and, no, I'm not going
to tell you where it is.

You're no fun. I know, but someone'
got to be the adult in this family.

DOORBELL

Oh! God, they're early! Get out.

Go. Shit.

Ah! Look who's here.

It's my rock star.

Can you spare a kiss
for your number-one fan?

Or you can sign my tits
if you prefer.

Why do I have to choose?

What do you think of my tan, eh?

It's nice.

Full coverage.

Yeah. The neighbours enjoyed
the full view, didn't they, Jane?

Look at that face.

If I had a mug like that,
I'd never leave the house.

I'd just stand naked in the mirror,
loving myself all day.

Loving yourself has never really
been your problem, has it, Neville?

NEVILLE CHUCKLES

Oh! And here's my cancer warrior.

Honk-honk! Hello, girls!
They're looking perky.

Yeah, well, the radiation therapy
can cause...

Radiation! You only had stage two.

Why are you bothering with
that rubbish?

It'll just give you more cancer
down the line.

Says the woman who smokes
unfiltered cigarettes.
I offset it with homoeopathy.

Speaking of, I've brought you
some fluoride-of-lime tablets.

I promise, you don't need any
more of this radioactive mess.

It's just the medical industry
trying to make money out of you.
Great(!)

Now, what's going on with your
roots? So, you guys are early.

Your mother thought
we should surprise you.

So...

Surprise!

And Brian's been looking
after us lovely.

He pours a mean Baileys.

Mum, it's Bruce.
Brian's cool, though.

HIGH-PITCHED: "I'm not the Messiah.
I've been a very naughty boy!"

Monty Python.

Bruce, did you know that I once
opened for Billy Bragg?

Oh, hello there.
Someone call the police -

there's an illegally handsome
young man on the premises.

And Errol!

When did you get so big?

Oh, if I was 30 years younger...

Jesus, Mum, he's your grandson.

Oh, you're so uptight, Sammy. Now,
let's have a look at this tattoo.

Don't worry,
when you get a bit older

you can change it to something cool.
Like "samurai".

Ooh, I bought you a pressie.

Thank you.

I thought you were coming later.
We couldn't wait

to give everyone the big news.

We're getting divorced.

Could I get a top-up, Brian?

Divorced?!

Oh, do you know what this means?

Yeah - one of them's going
to be sleeping in Tiff's room,

one of them's going to be
sleeping in my room.

I can't sleep in your Petri dish
of a flat.

No. If they're getting divorced,

what chance do I have of being
in a healthy relationship?

They're literally
my only role models.

Relax.

Divorce is a gift.
Two parents fighting for attention,

two bedrooms, two birthdays,
two Christmases,

twice the guilt.

I'm an expert on divorce. I can
teach you to get whatever you want.

I want my mum and dad
to stay married, and I'm going
to keep them together,

and if I can do that, then I can
make any relationship work.

I'm sorry, sweetie. I remember
when my folks split up.

Same week Ginger
left the Spice Girls.

Dark times.
I don't care about them divorcing.

They should have done that
years ago. Then what is it?

I thought that being sick would
change things with Mum.

But Andy's always going to be
the Jake to my Maggie.

What? Maggie Gyllenhaal.

She's older and cooler
but Jake gets all the attention
because he's a boy.

But she killed it in Secretary.

I know! Argh!

Just forget it. I'm a therapist,
I'm not going to fall into
any old traps.

That's my Sam. But it's not fair!

I'm the one with cancer! They should
baby me at least a little bit.

And that passive-aggressive shit
with Mum calling you Brian!

She never would have done that
with Ben! I know. Don't worry.
I'll set her straight.

Brian, where's the bottle opener?
Top drawer, next to the fridge.

We should get a lock on the door.
I can't have more idiots barging in
and saying stupid shit.

I'm stopping Mum and Dad from
getting a divorce! Who's with me?

I don't get it. What is the point
in a divorce stag do?

Simple reverse psychology.

Once we remind Dad how shit
it is being single, he'll run
straight back to Mum.

While you're throwing away
the gift of a lifetime,

I'll be twisting Dad and Bruce
to my will.

Go, divorce!

Yeah, Dad, nothing says
recently single like slippery wood
and heavy balls.

Don't worry, old-timer! We'll get
through this together.

You don't have to cheer me up, son.

We're NOT cheering you up.

We're celebrating your new life.

Being single is my second-greatest
achievement next to the time

I came this close to touching
a tit with my tongue.

Can I smell whisky?
Ben, get over here,

you useless Tory twat!

I missed you, too,
you big lefty drunk!

Hey, where's my hug,
you...socialist alky?

Classic bants there, Bruce(!)
The fun's already begun.

Mum who? Am I right?

Oh. Oooh. Get off.

Get... Oh! Psycho?

No... Er...

Ooh. Ooh. Naughty. Get away.

Fifty Shades Of Grey?

Rarrrr!

The Revenant? Yes!

Ben's new wife's energetic.

Oh, we're not married, but we have
been engaged for...almost two years.

All right, Tiff, you're up next.

Who's Tiff? Me. I'm Bruce's
ex-stepdaughter.

Who's Bruce?
BRIAN'S ex-stepdaughter.

Oh, well, why didn't you say so?

What time does the stripper
get here? I keep saying,
there is no stripper.

Andy would have got me a stripper.

Well, Andy's not here, and tonight
is about sisterhood.

We don't need a man to validate us.

We are celebrating singledom
and girl power.

Who needs men, right?

This soon-to-be divorcee
who hasn't been on the market
for 39 years, that's who.

Come on, Jane, you just need
some charades in your life.

I'll give it a pass, thanks.

Sounds like somebody's
afraid of losing.

I love losing.

I lost my virginity twice.

Once in the V-hole and once in the
A... Another drink coming right up.

I got it. A-hole.

You're going to love
being single.

Goodbye, putting down
the toilet seat.

Goodbye, sharing the bed.
Hello, online dating.

We're going to have you
swiping right

faster than you can say,
"Meaningless shag for one, please."

Nothing beats the thrill of playing
Russian roulette with your penis.

You know, the over-50s have the
fastest-growing rate of STDs.

Interesting.

Actually, Jane never took up
much room in bed.

And with my knees,
I prefer to piss sitting down.

And I was never one
for meaningless sex.

I guess I'm just a bit
old-fashioned.

Divorce is bad,
but online dating's the worst.

What happened, anyway? We just...

..grew apart.

Is it too late to fix it?
Why would he want to fix it?

You're taking this much better
than I thought.

Your mum had this mad idea
you'd have a meltdown
and make it about you.

BOTH LAUGH

I just want to see my old man happy.

And once you get over
the soul-crushing loneliness
of bachelorhood,

it's all guns and roses.

You're now free to go
wherever you like. Unlike me.

Dad thinks I'm too young to
see Europe. I didn't say that.

That's a bit harsh. I wish I'd
travelled more when I was young.

I used to get nosebleeds
just going north of Waterloo.

See? Bruce gets it.

Anyway, back to Dad's
great new life... We can go out
on double dates.

Father and son on the pull.

If that doesn't get you running back
to Jane, I don't know what will.

Hmm.

SHE EXHALES

Penny for your thoughts?

Oh, why can't she just be
a normal mother?

I know exactly what you mean.

For my 18th birthday,
Mummy bought me a Porsche

when all I wanted was
a Range Rover.

I never should have agreed
to this. Agreed to what?

Andy wanted me to throw Mum
a divorce hen do but make it
extra boring

so she'd go running back to Dad,
which is the dumbest idea ever,

but I thought it would be
a chance for us to bond.

It's fine. I'm a therapist.

I know that looking to other people
for self-worth is a losing battle.

Wait, did you invite me
because I'm boring?

No.

SHE EXHALES

Look, if you want to show
Andy who's boss,

you should give her
exactly what she wants.

If she wants men, make it rain men.

Hello, boys! Val!

Andy's warned me who
everyone is. Roly I know.

You must be Ben,
the prick ex-brother-in-law.

Andy's only calling me a prick?

Someone's losing their edge.

And you must be
sweet, gullible Bruce.

I can't believe you said
I was gullible.

He didn't.
I see what you did there.

And who's this
big old grizzly bear?

I'm Neville, Andy's dad.

He failed to mention you, my dear.

Some things speak for themselves.

I'm Val. Your son dated my daughter
for a brief, horrific time.

Hey, it wasn't brief.
That's not what she said.

Errol! Nice one.

Dad, Val here is divorced. Oh.

There's nobody better to tell you

about the long painful road...

back to happiness.

"Don't listen to your children"
is rule number one.

Nice ball bag.
Takes one to know one.

PULSATING MUSIC
You wanted men... Voila.

Is it OK us being here?
My best friend Craig

says it's quite annoying when
hen dos rock up at gay clubs.

Yeah, it's like I said I was hungry
and you brought me waxed fruit.

Oh, my God, Sam. Gwen, hi. Hi.

This is Veronica, Tiffany
and my mum, Jane.

Holy shit. You're Andy's mum.
I always thought he was an orphan.

Why would you think that? He never
spoke about his parents.

Anyway, welcome to Sober Saturday.

Sober Saturday?
A once-a-year event.

All money goes to AA,

and Casper makes
a mean Virgin Mary.

Yum!

So, Andy never mentioned
our parents?

Actually, I'm getting a headache.
Maybe we should go?

Oh, no, no, no, stay, please.
Yeah, let's stay.

Gwen can tell us
all her best Andy stories.

That shouldn't take long.

Who is ready to see
what a real strike looks like?

Well, you've already
shown us a knockout.

Dad...

..you realise Val's a man?

Expand your mind, son.

Val is a sexual being.

I don't care which side of
the pommel horse they land on

as long as somebody's
getting pommelled.

It's my round. Come and help, Roly.

A trip to the bar.

It's no trip around Europe,
but it's a start.

You're on a streak tonight, Roly.

What are you playing at?
Er, it's called bowling.

I'm talking about Roly's trip.

Keep...out. Why?

Never hurts to broaden
your horizons.

You know, I was going to give
him 500 for a new laptop,

but if he wants to spend it
on a trip, I'm cool with that.

I'm warning you,
do not give him that money.

It's my money.
I can do what I like.

Bruce, I was starting to like you.

Shut the fuck up, Ben.

What?

Big Lebowski.

You know.
"Shut the fuck up, Donny."

I'm going to see
if they need a hand at the bar.

Oh, oh, oh, strike!

And that...is how it's done.

Stop flirting with my dad.

I brought you here so you could
show him how shit divorce is,

not slink around like
Jessica Rabbit.

Trust me, if I was flirting
you'd know about it.

Oh, and FYI, I'm more of
a Cruella de Vil kind of girl.

Just leave him alone. I'm trying
to save my parents' marriage.

Oh, I get it.

It's the guy in heels who's always
the home-wrecker.

Look, that's not what...
If you want to see flirting,

I'll show you flirting.

Who wants a Slippery Nipple?

I've got two right here.

GWEN: 'Anyway,'

Andy starts texting,
begging me for a date.

I say no, until eventually
he sends me pictures of...

his pejazzled dong spelling,
"You likey?"

I wasn't impressed.
But I was horny.

And the rest, as they say,
is internet history.

What's "pejazzled"? It's where
you diamante your d...

Did you hear that, Mum?
Sounds like your precious Andy
is a little bit of a sex pest.

Andy's just artistic. Lord knows
he didn't get it from me.

Creativity skips the women
in this family.

Wow, Ben just took me to
a Yo! Sushi for our first date.

Really? He took Sam to
a concert in Paris on theirs.

Oh, yeah, but it was Muse,
so it doesn't count.

Wonder what the boys are up to.

I bet Andy's teaching them some
hilarious drinking games.

Mum, you do know that Andy is sober
now? Aww. That's so brave of him.

You never said it was brave
when I went clean.

Cos you take after my side and
the Abbotts never stay clean long.

I mean, look at your Uncle Frank,
God rest his rotten soul.

There's no shame, but you mark
my words, you're not done.

Caught her snorting sherbet
when she was five.

Ooh, off to powder her nose!

I need to get Val out of here.

He's putting such a smile
on Grandad's face.

It's not his face I'm worried
about. Also, stop messing your dad
and Bruce about.

You're jealous that I know
how to play the divorce game.

Behold the puppet master.
I am Geppetto.

Trust me, you're Pinocchio
all day.

Now, help me get rid of Val or
I'm telling your dad and Bruce.

Like they'd ever believe you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I have a cunning plan.

Sam, are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just all the
cologne making my eyes water.

Bloody Jean Paul Gaultier.

Come here.

Everybody out!

Seriously, what's up? Oh, it's
just...my mother is a monster!

What's going on?
Sam wants to kill her mum.

She thinks that Andy's the best
thing since boxed wine.

I know the feeling. The only reason
Dad put me in charge tonight

is cos it's Sober Saturday
and he knew it would be dead.

Mummy made me ride a pony
until I was 16,

even though I was clearly ready
for a full-size horse at 12.

PHONE BUZZES

What do you want?

Who says I want anything?

Can't a guy just call
his favourite gal pal?

I'm hanging up now. 'No, wait.'

I need a favour.

'Can you call Val and say
there's a problem'

down the club and he needs
to come back immediately?

On the first night my dad's
ever left me fully in charge

'you want me to tell him
I can't take the heat'

just so I can help YOU get out
of a stupid situation you got
yourself into?

I knew you'd understand.
'I'll do it,'

if you tell your mum
she needs to treat Sam better

and that you're a shit son.

Fine.

Wait, how do you know I've
got a mum?

PRETENDING TO SNEEZE: Wanker!

NEVILLE CHUCKLES

You're just in time
to see me pound the pins.

I'll give you a hand
with your stroke.

Come here.

Sorry, mate. Hope my sneeze
didn't throw you off.

No worries.

Hey, Roly, I'm going to pay for
your trip. The whole shebang.

Really? No. No.

I'll... I'll pay for it.

I have an idea. Roly, why don't you
pick who YOU want to pay for it?

PHONE RINGS
Oh. Hello.

Well, this shouldn't be a contest(!)
Roly?

Oh, it's my go.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there. Got
to go, guys. Security issue at Cox.

That's a shame(!)

We could come with you.
I'm sure Val probably needs
to deal with this alone.

I'm with Grandad. It wouldn't be
a proper divorce stag do
if we all split up, would it?

Just let her know how you feel.
Yeah, we've got your back, Sam.

All right, here goes nothing.

Oh, hell, no!

Oh, hey, babe.

Look, I've found the only straight
one. I'm giving him a little reiki.

You get your hands
off my boyfriend!

Calm down, babe.
I'm just being friendly for tips.

I bet your tip's plenty friendly.

Babe, she's Andy's mum!

Urgh, what?! Urgh!

I thought Andy was an orphan.

Why do people keep saying that?

Mum, there's something I need
to say. VAL: What's going on?

Oh, yeah, ooh...Andy made
me lie to get you here.

Now I've done my part of the deal,
I think he has something to say
to you, Jane.

ANDY: Er... The...

The thing that I wanted to say...

is that...um...Errol
has been playing

Bruce and Ben off like mugs to get
them to pay for his Euro trip.

N-No...

No. Does...does that sound
like me? Pretty much, yeah.

Well, Mum and Andy are doing
the world's shittest Parent Trap.

Liar! Bruce, I told you not
to get involved.

He's not your kid.

Ben, we're all co-parenting here.

And why didn't you take ME
to Paris on our first date?

Have you got cold feet?

What?

Can we...talk about this later?

I can't believe you're Andy's mum.
I always thought he was a...

If you say "orphan"
I swear I'll shank you, lady.

Don't you talk to Val like
that, or... Or what?

You haven't got the guts
to follow through.

You know who's got a lovely
follow-through? Roger Federer.

How's this for follow-through?

Oh, yeah?

Argh! Can everyone just stop
before my eyes start bleeding?!

After all I did for you...

Gave you 39 years,
got you off the street,

gave up my singing career for you,
and now you're leaving me?

Career?!

You've played to picket lines
and working men's clubs
for pork scratchings.

You were never a real folk singer,

you...disco lover!

I gave up my childhood
to be your wife.

So it was my fault I was
the only guy on the estate
stand-up enough to marry

the pregnant teenager?

Didn't even know if
it was mine. Still don't!

And by "it", do you mean me?

Let's face it, you hardly look
like your brother,

and you don't look a thing like me.

Sam, it's not true. We've got
the same eyes and...

..roots.

So that's why you treat me like
shit? Because I'm the mistake? Me?

Do you think it was easy growing up
with parents like you?

Always screaming and drinking

and dumping us on mental relatives
and leaving us alone for days?

Can you blame me?

You were like raising that girl
from The Exorcist.

You make Cersei Lannister
look like Mary Berry!

It's a miracle that I've done
anything with my life.

OK, I had a little addiction
problem back there, but look
at my role models.

But still, I had a son,

I got my master's,

I am fighting cancer, and I nearly

died on an operating table,
but you still favour Andy!

The single...

30-something musician who lives
in my fucking basement!

Garden flat.

You've always treated me
like the fuck-up,

but it's him, Mum, it's always
been him. He's just like you.

Oh... Shit!

BRUCE: Sam...

I think we should go home.

You stay out of this, Brian. It's
Bruce, Mum! It's fucking Bruce!

And I'm Maggie Gyllenhaal!

And you don't deserve Maggie.

So you get Jake.

Right... How about a round
of shots on the house?

But it's Sober Saturday. We've had
a report of an incident.

Finally! Something that can
get my mind off this palaver.

Let's see what you're working
with, hot stuff.

DOOR CLANGS
KEYS JANGLE

Can you give us a minute?

DOOR SLAMS

Mum, there's some things...some
things that I said, I didn't mean...

Don't worry.

Already forgotten.

Mum. I mean it. I'm fine.

You've got a mouth on you.

You get it from me.

There's that look.

What look? You know.

The look that sees right through me.

You're right. I'm a shit mum.

I was a child when I had you
and I...I never caught up.

And you had much higher parenting
expectations than Andy.

I only shower him with attention
cos he always acts so helpless.

He's like a rescue dog.

Happy to be fed and have
his balls within reach.

I'd like to say I can change,
but I don't think I can.

I don't have your strength.

I'm not expecting you to change.
I just... I just want to know
that you care.

You think I don't care about
your cancer?

Your dad will tell you,
it's destroying me.

I'm the one who should be sick.

Jesus, I smoke while
I'm on the sunbed!

I'm proud of you.

I love you to death.

Maybe not the best choice of
words for a cancer patient.

But thanks.

So...who is my father?

It's Neville.

Probably.

Well, I hope it is.

Cos the other options ain't good.

Dad, Bruce, I'm...

sorry for the way I behaved.

After the divorce,
I realised everyone just wanted
to keep me happy,

so I took advantage of that.

And now I'm ready for
my punishment.

What do you think, Bruce?

Oh, you could clean
Andy's flat.

Ha-ha, funny one, Veronica!
Actually, that's a great idea.

No. Please. Anything but that.

Dad, does that sound fair to you?

I'm doing it again, aren't I?

Sorry I kissed you, Val.

It's OK. It was worth it just
for the look on Andy's face.

But if you ever try that again
without my consent,

I will cut your prostate out
with a rusty tin lid.

You get sexier by the minute.

How am I ever supposed
to make a relationship work

if I can't even keep
my own family together?

Oh, shut up.

Why are you smiling?
Every time you tell me to shut up

it means you're just about to lay
down some serious wisdom on me
and fix everything.

I'm not your fairy godmother, Andy.

You're a big boy.

Fix your own life.

Fix my own life?

Yeah.

Nice one, Val.

FOOTSTEPS

Andy, I am so sorry.
I didn't mean those...

horrible things I said.

Of course you did.
I don't blame you.

I was just angry with Mum
and it spilled over.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is consistent,
but who am I kidding?

She's never done anything
as good as Nightcrawler.

On the other hand...

Maggie doesn't need to apologise for
Prince Of Persia.

Or Bubble Boy.

Still, I think I am going to ask Dad
to take a paternity test with me,

you know, just so we know...

Shut up! All right?
You're not doing it.

It doesn't matter what
the test says.

You're my sister, he's your father.
You don't need a test to prove...

I love you, Jake.

Right back at you, Maggie.

Isn't it weird, you and
Dad travelling back together
after everything?

No. It'll be months
before we can move out.

39 years' worth of CDs and sex toys
won't separate themselves.

Who knows? A lot can
happen in that time.

One thing's for sure -
this family can take a bigger
pounding than a rhino vag.

Here you go. Don't tell your sister.

Mum, I'm not a boy any more.

You know, when I watch
milf porn, it's not a fetish,

it's just age-appropriate.

And as much as I love all the
special attention, I am a bad son.

I never call, I never send birthday
cards. Sam's the good one.

Whoa!

I'll forgive you just this once.

But...I think that you should
stop taking it easy on me.

The reason I give up
on relationships is because
you and Dad...

you never made me work
for anything.

I want you to tell it like it is.

OK.

You're talented,
but your music's soft.

You need to start dyeing your
hair, cos you're going grey.

And stop blaming other
people for your problems...

Mum, got it! Save some for later!

You know, when I found out
your mum was pregnant,

I didn't want to run away
like my father did.

And I could see she didn't have any
decent men in her life, so...

..I stayed.

But then you were born.

And I saw you there,
all pink and smiling.

That wisp of hair like duckling
fluff on the top of your head.

And I fell in love.

With both of you.

You know, you'll always be
my special girl.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, too, sweetie.

I'm a bit old for pocket money.

Your mum wanted me to give you this
to get your roots done.

Oh! Take it,

or I'll never hear the end of it.

Bye, handsome. And if you
ever need money,

you call your Grandma Jane.
Thank you.

But I'm going to start to trying to
earn things on my own from now.

And if that doesn't work out, I'll
just start a crowdfunding page.

You take care of my baby, Bruce.

I promise I will...Jenny.

It's Jane!

I know.

I'm a quick learner,

I'm an excellent problem-solver

and quite the people person.

But most importantly,
I'm a very good liar.

You're hired.

Welcome to Carpet Brothers.

ANDY: 'Ladies...'

I've had a lot of fun
with all of you.

But I need to pick just one
of you.

And there's only one way to make
such an important decision.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe

Catch a tiger by the toe

If it hollers, let it go

Eeny, meeny, miny...
DOORBELL

..moe.

# Throw me

# No more bones
and I will tell you no lies

# This time

# You know I'll leave

# Here's to taking what you came for

# And here's to running off the pain

# And here's to just
another no man

# If you want another

# Say you need another... #