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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:06,440 # Oh, darling, how we hate to go... # 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,400 Oh! 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,480 That last note always fucks me. 4 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:14,560 No, no, no, it's nice, it's nice. It sounds, er... It's human. 5 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,280 Marsh is going to love this. You all right? 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,160 Feeling a bit parched, actually. 7 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:27,520 # He says that I'm a sight to make eyes sore, darling. # 8 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,760 I've never drunk Prosecco out of a mug before. 9 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,400 I find it really brings out the earthy tones. 10 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,080 Mm, mm. 11 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:42,400 Has anybody ever told you that you're the perfect woman? 12 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,160 You're only saying that so I'll hire you for my album. 13 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,680 I'm serious. 14 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,720 You can do my album if you answer one question. 15 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,600 Why do your eyes look so sad? 16 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,600 It's just, you know, life. 17 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,760 Now let me be the T Bone Burnett to your Diana Krall. 18 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,040 I always fancied getting T Boned. 19 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:09,520 What's say you and I go out and celebrate properly, Mr Producer? 20 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,240 A little fairy dust to get the night swirling. 21 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,640 I shouldn't, I'm trying to cut down. 22 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,440 What are you afraid of, old man? 23 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,520 Old man?! Nothing. 24 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,520 Go on, then. 25 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:27,200 Yeah, I mean, sure, why not? I do this all the time. 26 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,480 MUSIC: Ace Of Spades by Motorhead 27 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,000 # If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man 28 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,360 # You win some, lose some, it's all the same to me 29 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,280 # The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say 30 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,240 # I don't share your greed, the only card I need is 31 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,880 # The ace of spades 32 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,480 # The ace of spades. # 33 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:06,840 I'm alive. 34 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,160 HE YELLS 35 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,680 Uncle Andy? Uncle Andy? 36 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,200 Is she dead? Did you kill her? 37 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,080 I don't approve but I'll help you hide the body. 38 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,640 Oh, thank Christ for that. Who is she? 39 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,200 Jasmine. I was helping produce a demo for her last night. 40 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,600 Now, what do you want? More porn? 41 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,720 No, I'm visiting potential schools for sixth form, 42 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,080 but I want them to think I'm hip. Do you have any suggestions? 43 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,680 Don't say hip. Look at this place. 44 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,400 I can't believe you live like this. Have you been sleeping all day? 45 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,600 And what's that on your face? 46 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,720 Is that flour or is that caster sugar? 47 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,440 That's not flour or sugar, is it? 48 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,040 I can't believe you brought class A drugs into our house. 49 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,520 It was just one night! I don't have a drugs problem. 50 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,200 I don't. 51 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,240 I realise this is a lot to take in. 52 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,280 Do you have any more questions? 53 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,160 Well, if you think of anything, call me. 54 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,200 PHONE BEEPS 55 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,480 I hope you'll consider us, Errol. 56 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:29,240 We only take exceptional candidates and your mock GCSE results were... 57 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,960 Oh, um, about my results, can we keep that between us? 58 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,280 You might find this hard to believe but I've been bullied quite a lot. 59 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,800 We're not like other schools. 60 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,960 Students who show academic excellence 61 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,560 are top of the pecking order here, the cool kids. 62 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,720 HE LAUGHS 63 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,400 Oh you're...you're not joking. 64 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,600 KNOCKING Ah, Emma. 65 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,600 Errol, Emma's one of our star pupils and quite the harpist. 66 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,000 She's volunteered to show you around today. 67 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,680 Niels Bohr's atomic model. Love the retro design, 68 00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:00,360 even if his particle configuration was wildly inaccurate. 69 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,840 Down there's the physics lab, we've just got an electron microscope. 70 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,120 Oh, wow, really? Mm... 71 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,720 Pfft, whatever. 72 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,480 You're right, it's not top of the line. 73 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,520 Enquiry - are you named after Errol Flynn, 74 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,080 the rakish screen actor or Errol Morris the documentarian? 75 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,000 His film about Robert McNamara really made me 76 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,040 rethink the military industrial complex. 77 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,400 I'm actually named after my mother's childhood cat, 78 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,680 which is ironic because I'm actually allergic to cats... 79 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,360 Disclosure - I'm not that good a harpist, 80 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,560 I only came in third at the nationals. 81 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,960 Do you play any instruments? 82 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,600 Yeah, piano, guitar, keyboard, a bit of drums. 83 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,920 I also play in an indie band. We were up for a label. 84 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,720 Cool. We're not even allowed to use dry ice at school productions - 85 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,320 gives too many students asthma. 86 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,600 Asthma? 87 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,880 Losers. 88 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,920 Look, Errol, what I lack in social nuance 89 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,440 I make up for in blunt honesty. 90 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,040 You fascinate me. 91 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,280 Cool. If you're amenable, I think you should invite me 92 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,600 over later to continue my research on human behaviour. 93 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,240 Who knows where it might lead? Some place warm and inviting. 94 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,800 That reminds me, let me show you our heated, Olympic-size swimming pool. 95 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,840 This way. 96 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,320 Crazy, right? I'm on cloud 11. 97 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,480 Goddamn, this is strong weed. 98 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,760 Here, say hi. 99 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,960 Um, hi. 100 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,760 Sexy voice, right? I'll call you later, slut! 101 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,760 Who was that? My mum. 102 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,680 Mm, last night was one for the ages. 103 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,040 I'll never question your partying skills again. 104 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,400 I'm a bit fuzzy - what happened, er, exactly? 105 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,000 Well, after you sang the Adele catalogue to the whole pub, 106 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,760 you got down on one knee and popped the Q. 107 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,080 But you didn't have a rock, 108 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,960 so that's how my toe ring ended up on your finger, fiance. 109 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,720 Aren't you going to say something? 110 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,440 That is strong weed. 111 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,400 Got formaldehyde in it. 112 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,440 What's say we spend the rest of the afternoon snuggling 113 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,480 and planning weds with a little help from these guys? 114 00:05:56,520 --> 00:06:00,280 Des champignons de magique, as Serge Gainsbourg would say. 115 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,120 That sounds amazing. 116 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,760 Um, but you wait right here and I will be back. 117 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,080 There you are. Did you get my text? Why didn't you answer? 118 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,400 Do you know what's been going on? Andy, we need to talk. 119 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,960 You're not kidding. I produced a track 120 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,600 for a beautiful train wreck last night, 121 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,720 then we went out, got absolutely blitzed, 122 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,080 yadi yadi yada, I'm engaged, what do I do? 123 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,640 Andy, I love you, but I can't deal with 124 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,040 your typical shit storm right now. 125 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,800 Typical?! In what way is this typical? 126 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,880 Hey, guys. What are those bags for? 127 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,760 Dinner with mum and Luca, remember? Tiff's meeting them at the station. 128 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,000 I'm making my famous chilli con carne. 129 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,360 What's up, Andy? I got accidentally engaged. 130 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,520 Good one. I was day dreaming the other day 131 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,960 on the Piccadilly Line, ended up in Cockfosters. 132 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaking of cocks.... How was your school visit, Roly? 133 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,080 I've made a new friend, she's coming over later. 134 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,920 I think she likes me, I don't know what to do. 135 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,400 Oh, we haven't got time for your imaginary girlfriends 136 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,720 right now Roly. I've got accidentally engaged. 137 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:54,920 Oh, typical. 138 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,680 Bruce, can I speak to you for a minute? 139 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,280 Don't worry, I'm making a non-spicy chilli for the kids, 140 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,680 but frankly, I think they're old enough to eat the hard stuff. 141 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,040 It's not that. 142 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,960 Oh, I keep telling my mum our marriage status 143 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,240 is none of her beeswax, but she's old school, you know? 144 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:08,360 Fire and brimstone. 145 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,400 No, I went to the doctor's this morning, and don't freak out... 146 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,920 Oh, my God, you're pregnant. 147 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,240 I knew it would happen once I stopped taking the hot baths! 148 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,760 It's like, it's like I was melting all my little Bruces. 149 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,200 You are amazing. 150 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,720 And don't panic, I'm going to take loads of paternity leave. 151 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,760 Are you excited? Yeah. Yay! 152 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,440 I can't keep up with her. Maybe if I eat right, hit the gym, 153 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,440 I can make this work for 20 years at least. 154 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,080 54's not a bad age to die, right? Have you not learnt anything? 155 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,920 This is what happens when you do hard drugs. 156 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,480 Just tell her that you made a mistake, maybe she'd be relieved. 157 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,040 Relieved? I'm a catch! 158 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,840 You're a mid-thirties man baby living in his sister's basement. 159 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,680 How dare you? It's not a basement, it's a garden flat. 160 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,360 And I'm not a man baby, I'm a... 161 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,640 a man-dolescent. 162 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,760 All right, fine. But please, if you really love this family, 163 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,760 just promise me you won't do any more hard drugs. 164 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,480 OK, fine, I promise. Now, what's the deal with your girl? 165 00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,400 Oh, nothing, she's just coming round. 166 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,760 But it's no biggie, I can hang with a girl without panicking. 167 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,680 DOORBELL RINGS Oh, God, she's here! 168 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,920 Emma? 169 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,440 Oh. Hi, Diane, hi, Luca, hi, Tiff. 170 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,720 Errol, what have I told you? Please call me Grandma Didi. 171 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,680 We're family! Even though Bruce and your mother refuse to 172 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,000 make it official, we can still pretend. 173 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,600 Ignore her. One of her tips came through on Crime Watch, 174 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,080 she's still drunk on the power. 175 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,400 Who did you think was at the door, anyway? 176 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,480 Local MP. 177 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,800 Hey, it's Grandma Didi! 178 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,880 It's Diane. Bruce tells me you're still not going to church. 179 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:40,360 Not technically, but I've hailed a few Marys. What's up, Luca? 180 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,280 About to finish my final year at St Martin's. 181 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,800 MFA, here we come. 182 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,400 Do you know what MFA stands for? Mother's Fears Actualised. 183 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,880 He'll never make enough money to move out and find a wife 184 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,360 unless he gets a real job. 185 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,760 Bruce never took his doodles seriously, look where he is. 186 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,400 Divorced and living in sin. 187 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,120 Well, at least he's got a girlfriend to live in sin with. 188 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,960 You're a handsome boy, Luca, you just need to put yourself out there. 189 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,880 You've set the bar too high, Mum - no girl can ever compete with you. 190 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,960 Come here, handsome! 191 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,040 Hi. 192 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,520 Hello, Samantha. I see no ring on that finger. 193 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,240 Mum, you said you would behave. 194 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,920 I'm just saying, poor Tiffany's dying to be a bridesmaid. 195 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,080 What? 196 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,840 Hey, Luca, how's the talented and lovely brother I never had? 197 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:20,920 Ha-ha. 198 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,160 DOORBELL RINGS I'll get it! 199 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,080 Emma? 200 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,360 Look who I found. 201 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,440 Hey, Jasmine! 202 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,440 I thought you'd done a runaway bride. 203 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:32,880 Mm... 204 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,080 Andy, are you going to introduce me to the fam? 205 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,000 Well, that's my sister, Sam, boyfriend, Bruce, 206 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,760 boyfriend's mother, boyfriend's brother, 207 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,480 boyfriend's ex-stepdaughter, and, yeah, 208 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,200 I think that's everyone worth mentioning. 209 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,600 I'm Errol, his nephew. 210 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:52,160 Hi. I'm Jasmine and I'm Andy's fiancee. 211 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,320 Would you prefer if I called you Jasmine or Auntie Jas? 212 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,080 You can call me whatever you like. 213 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,040 It's nice to see young people committing to each other. 214 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,080 I think it's sweet you live in your sister's basement. 215 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,480 It's a garden flat. 216 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,880 DOORBELL RINGS 217 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,360 Hi, I'm Emma, Errol's friend. 218 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,120 Wrong house. Ah! 219 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,600 I've got this one, Tiff, thank you very much. 220 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,400 I need to be home in time for Newsnight. 221 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,960 Shall we go straight to your room? 222 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,360 Guys, Emma, Emma, guys. 223 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,160 Look, Jas, I've got something I need to say. 224 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,480 I think we should break it off. 225 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,520 What? We were both wasted last night. 226 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,280 I don't really know you, you don't really know me - 227 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,240 it was the drugs talking. 228 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,440 Yes, and they were telling us that we were meant to be. 229 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,720 Have you seen True Romance? 230 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,480 We're like that, only Christopher Walken's not chasing us. 231 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,400 Proposing to you will go down as one of my greatest achievements, 232 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,720 including taking a piss next to Eric Clapton at Coco and, yes, 233 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,800 it was like a guitar neck. 234 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,480 You mean it? It was practically dragging on the floor. 235 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,920 No, I mean the part about our engagement. 236 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,000 You're not still high? No way. 237 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,440 Shame! Let's fix up with some klonopin I got off my manager. 238 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,840 First communion. 239 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,680 PHONE BUZZES 240 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:11,840 You going to answer that? 241 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,040 It's probably just a telemarketer. 242 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:18,800 Whose phone is this? 243 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,080 That's my dead Uncle Frank's prossy phone, 244 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,600 he had an adult baby fetish. 245 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,400 I don't know why I keep hold of it, really. 246 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,120 So, how's Claire? 247 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,320 Mum, how would you feel if I kept asking you about Dad? 248 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,800 That's different, you know how I feel about the Nigerian devil. 249 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,480 You do realise Luca and I are half Nigerian, right? 250 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,360 You don't count, you're only Nigerian when you misbehave. 251 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,640 Seriously now, so when are you getting married? 252 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:41,920 Mum! 253 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,080 Sam and I are having a baby. 254 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,320 Are you happy for us? 255 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,720 Of course I'm happy! 256 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,640 My first biological grandchild. 257 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,160 Now, you have nine months to make it right. 258 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,400 This is nice. I wish I had a sister, 259 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,040 then we could've done slumber parties. 260 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,920 all Bruce ever wanted to do was play Warhammer. 261 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,680 Anyway, sorry, what did you want to tell me? 262 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:10,400 OK, I have some big news. 263 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,040 So do I. I've met someone, graffiti artist, Sasha, 264 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,400 looks like a South Asian Drake 265 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,840 but he's hung like a South Asian Fassbender. 266 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,560 What do you think my mum would say if she found out I was gay? 267 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,360 Sorry, what's your news? OK, um... 268 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,560 You're right, fuck it, I'm finally going to tell her. 269 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,680 If she disowns me I can just come and live with you guys. 270 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,520 I'm not sure that's a good idea. 271 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,360 What's not a good idea? 272 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:33,520 Sports bras, it's like trying to stuff two melons into a coin purse. 273 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,880 I think I actually agree with you on that one. 274 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,600 Luca, can you give us a minute, please? 275 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,440 Diane, I know you're going to ask 276 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,040 when Bruce and I are getting married... 277 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,800 It's all right, no rush. 278 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,080 I just want you to take the right steps spiritually... 279 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,440 ..for all of you. 280 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,720 This is opal, an oldie but a goodie. 281 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,840 Oh, I've just collected this beaut. This is lapis lazuli. 282 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,080 What about cummingtonite? 283 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,120 Huh? 284 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,480 The mineral, cummingtonite, named after Cummington 285 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,000 in Massachusetts where it was first discovered in 1824. 286 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,520 Oh, I knew that. No, I haven't got that one. 287 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,840 Errol, I've Googled your birth date and determined I'm only 288 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,880 five months older, which is an acceptable spread, 289 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,040 I'd hope you'd agree? Um, yeah. 290 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,280 I don't want to presume to know your orientation, 291 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,360 so may I ask where you fall on the Kinsey Scale? 292 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:32,240 Zero being entirely heterosexual and six being entirely homosexual. 293 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,560 Maybe a one, but if I really interrogate myself maybe a two. 294 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,640 Interesting. 295 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,120 But it jumps to a three whenever men's gymnastics is on. 296 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,280 Is it me or is it a bit stuffy in here? 297 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,080 I may be failing to pick up social cues, 298 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,520 you'll let me know if I'm being too forward. 299 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,640 Oh, it's not that. 300 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,360 And I'm presuming, based on the fact that 301 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,920 you're in a band, you're not a virgin. 302 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,440 HE CHUCKLES No. 303 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,280 Great, my foreplay could use work. 304 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,160 I'll leave the opening move in your capable hands. 305 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,720 I should brush my teeth first. 306 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,000 What were you doing in Tiff's room? 307 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,280 Impromptu love nest with Auntie Jiz Jas. 308 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,840 Oh... Well, what have you been doing? 309 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,480 Boring girls to death with fun facts about Jeremy Corbyn? 310 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,160 Manhole spotting is not boring. 311 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,240 Yeah, I've got a manhole you can spot. 312 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,720 That came out wrong. 313 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:22,160 I think Emma has the wrong idea about my sexual experience. 314 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,880 How? You've clearly not touched a vagina since one spat you out. 315 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,080 Well, have you broken off your sham marriage yet? 316 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,760 Not exactly. We've sort of reaffirmed our vows, actually. 317 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,240 I'm really feeling this one. 318 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,320 You're an idiot. 319 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,040 You don't want to get married, you're just afraid of dying alone. 320 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,120 Are you high right now? 321 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,640 Just pretending to be high to impress Jas. 322 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,440 Oh, that's cool. 323 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,600 Thanks. 324 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,160 Oh, my God, you ARE high. 325 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,240 Technically I'm low because I'm on downers. 326 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,920 I haven't got a drugs problem. 327 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,800 Good, me neither. 328 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,200 Oh, you can't go in there, 329 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,480 it's currently occupied with the future Mrs Andy King. 330 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,400 But you're still in love with Melodie. I'm-I'm not. 331 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,800 You clearly are, everybody knows she's the love of your life. 332 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,200 She's a friend. Yeah, a friend you want a mortgage with. 333 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,680 Joke's on you because, my credit rating's too low to qualify. 334 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,400 And don't be angry with me just because 335 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,760 you're jealous of Errol's new piece. 336 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,960 Out of my room, please. 337 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,520 Well, that was surprising. 338 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,960 I know, I've never heard Tiff say please. 339 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,440 Hey, sweetie. 340 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,400 Did you tell your mum I was pregnant? 341 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,400 Me? No. 342 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,440 Yes, I did, but only because I'm so psyched. 343 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,360 You can't make big announcements without me, 344 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,720 we're supposed to be a team. 345 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,800 So why don't we make this team official? 346 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,320 Sam, would you do me the honour...? 347 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,160 Are you seriously proposing to me over a pot of chilli? 348 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,200 No. 349 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,000 Good, because I think when you hear what I have to say you'll... 350 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,200 Bruce, can I get your help with something, please? 351 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,560 Actually, now's not a good time. 352 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,360 Do you know what? It's a great time, it's fine. 353 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,240 You're good with gadgets - how would you go about fixing 354 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,280 a phone that may have fallen into a fish bowl? 355 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,120 Buy a new phone. 356 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,240 That chilli smells amazing. 357 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,720 The secret - 80% dark chocolate. 358 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,120 (I'll take it to my grave. 359 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,960 (Andy, can I have a word?) 360 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,680 I'll go check my mum's not going through our cupboards. 361 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,760 (Are you ready to take things to the next level?) 362 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,880 Butt plugs? 363 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,400 No, I knew that's what you meant. Oh, listen I don't think... 364 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,440 Andy? 365 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,600 What are you doing? 366 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,600 Ke-keeping an eye on the chilli. 367 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,200 Can I have a word? 368 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,360 You can do this, you can do this. 369 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,160 You can do what? Oh, um... 370 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,880 There's a spider in my room. 371 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,040 Do you want me to kill it? 372 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,200 No, I'm building up the courage to do it myself. 373 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,520 What are you doing? 374 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,280 I'm also building up the courage. 375 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,280 Are you going to tell Diane to shove it? 376 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,040 Because I don't want to miss that. No. 377 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,360 I'm building up the courage to say... 378 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,320 ..I'm so proud of you. 379 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,080 Even if I don't kill the spider? 380 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:58,120 Especially then. 381 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:07,680 There you are. Are you ready to resume foreplay? 382 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,480 Um... 383 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,440 Did you know that Jeremy Corbyn claimed the least expenses 384 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,320 for any MP from 2009 to 2010? 385 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,800 Did you know that he, er, 386 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,880 he's a member of the All Party Parliamentary Group for Cheese? 387 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,200 And did you know that he has an allotment and he, er, 388 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:30,280 he makes jam with the... the fruit that he grows on it? 389 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,640 I did know. 390 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,120 Oh, hi, what are you doing here? 391 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,240 It's my room. What are you doing? 392 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,640 Oh, I was... I was looking for somewhere to hide. 393 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,720 Did Diane upset you? Oh, no, no, it's not Diane. 394 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,720 I have... 395 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:54,200 I have, erm, Can't Touch This stuck in my head. 396 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,680 Well, maybe listening to Radio 1 will help. 397 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,560 You're a good girl, Tiff. 398 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,600 You'd better not tell anyone I'm nice. 399 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,120 What's up? 400 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,760 OK I've been thinking and I need you to tell my mum I'm gay. 401 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,720 Ah! Why me? 402 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,000 Think about it, it's perfect - 403 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,680 you live in your sister's basement... 404 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,640 Garden flat. ..and you're high most of the time. 405 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,200 No, I'm not, not at all. 406 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,960 I'm not judging, Andy. I'm like you, we're both artists, 407 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,200 artists stick together. 408 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,920 It's just, you don't seem to care what people think of you 409 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,160 and I admire that. 410 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,800 Thank you. And if Mum reacts badly, 411 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,880 you can just tell her you made it up and she'll believe you. 412 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,560 Are you seriously telling me that she doesn't already know? 413 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:35,920 What's that supposed to mean? 414 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,080 Because, you know... 415 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:40,920 BRUCE: Food's ready! 416 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,280 Can you unfasten my bra? I always have trouble with this one. 417 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,840 Er, sure, of course. I've unfastened so many bras in my time, 418 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,960 I can't remember all of the times, um... 419 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:54,360 So many they call me BRAd Pitt. 420 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:57,720 Sometimes BRAdley Cooper and, er, 421 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,080 BRAnold Schwarzenegger, BRAdolf Hitler. 422 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,640 Ow. Do you have any condoms? 423 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,680 Do I? I burn through rubber faster than a Formula One car. 424 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:05,760 BRUCE: Errol! Food! 425 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,600 Oh, um, maybe we should fuel up for the big race. 426 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,800 Not that it's, er, it's a race, is it? 427 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,600 Um, slow and steady, right? 428 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:20,720 We have grated cheese, sour cream and coriander, children. 429 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,240 Now, this may not be familiar to you because it's green. 430 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,440 This food looks out of this world. 431 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,760 No! 432 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,520 What, is there something wrong? 433 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:41,680 Er, er... No, I just think that maybe we should all say grace. 434 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,800 If you're trying to get in my good books, Andy, it's working. 435 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:51,200 Dear God, thank you for the great company 436 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,360 and this food. 437 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,040 I'd say it smells too good to eat. 438 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:59,680 Maybe we should just take Instagram pics and leave it at that. 439 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,920 Or we could chow down. Amen. 440 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,240 Er, Roly, haven't you got something to say? 441 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,400 Oh, well, I have been reading a very good book called 442 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,480 The Omnivore's Dilemma. 443 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,680 Luca, have you got an announcement to make? 444 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,480 I'm good. 445 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:16,120 In Mexico, coriander is referred to as cilantro. 446 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,600 This is yum. We should do Tex Mex for the wedding. 447 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,120 No-one wants another rack of lamb, right, Andy? 448 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,440 Lamb sounds good. 449 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,440 So, Andy, who's going to be your best man? 450 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,120 Considering he doesn't have any adult friends it'll probably be me. 451 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,600 I'd love to write a best man's speech, 452 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,640 something debauched yet heart-warming. 453 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,280 And I've got an idea for the stag do. 454 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,560 Three words - papier-mache workshop. 455 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,680 Andy, aren't you hungry? 456 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,880 Sam, you've not touched any of yours. 457 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,360 Oh, yeah, I'm just feeling a bit nauseous. 458 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:53,080 I had terrible nausea when I was pregnant with Luca. 459 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:56,160 Bruce, what kind of mushrooms did you use in this? They're delicious. 460 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,560 I didn't use any mushrooms. Mum, are you pregnant? 461 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,520 Luca's gay! What? No, I'm not. 462 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,080 Andy, it's gauche to out people. 463 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,040 Gay's not pejorative, my mum's a gay. 464 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,280 I'm joking, it's not true. 465 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,240 Of course it's true, it's obvious. 466 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,560 What do you mean, obvious? 467 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,400 You were much too interested in Justin Timberlake as a boy. 468 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,160 It's all right, you get it from the Nigerian side. 469 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,600 If you knew, why were you always talking about me 470 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,880 meeting a nice girl? 471 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,160 Because I thought it would push you to admit you were gay. 472 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,840 I'm a virgin. I don't want to get married. 473 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,320 Just shut up, all of you! 474 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,080 Calm down, Samantha, mood swings are normal in your condition. 475 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,400 I'm not pregnant. 476 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,880 I have cancer. 477 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,760 DOOR SLAMS Fuck! 478 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,240 Anyone else have a bomb they'd like to drop? 479 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,640 There may be psychotropic mushrooms in the chilli. 480 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,640 Sam, wait! 481 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:05,320 Look Andy, you're exciting, but... 482 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,120 it's all just a bit too messy for me. 483 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,680 The right person's out there, 484 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,080 you've just got to get your life together. 485 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,240 Sure, cool. 486 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,520 Keep the ring. Good vibes to your sis. 487 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,760 I should go, my social cup is full. 488 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,560 Sorry I didn't tell you that... There's no shame in being a virgin. 489 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,960 Why do you think vampire novels 490 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,520 and fairy tales in the Bible are always on about them? 491 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,040 No rush. I look forward to seeing you again. 492 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,000 Where do you think your mum went? KNOCKING 493 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,400 Sammy, you are a sight for sore eyes. 494 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,760 I'm such an idiot. I think she's been trying to tell me for hours. 495 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,240 We've got a situation. 496 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,720 GIGGLING 497 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:04,720 Oh, Mum, you have to feel this rug. 498 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,680 It's like a unicorn's fur! 499 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,080 30% discount from Carpet Brothers. 500 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,320 I love it. 501 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,920 I love you. I love you, my beautiful gay son. 502 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,400 I love you more than Jesus. 503 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,800 I love you more than Beyonce. 504 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,800 Shh. Luca, blasphemy. 505 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,880 Maybe they got all the mushrooms. 506 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,640 The big C, eh? 507 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,120 I know a great oncologist if you need one. Thanks. 508 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:36,880 It was just a matter of time, I'm such a "and then she died" type. 509 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,280 Don't be so morbid. Look, I'm proud of you, 510 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,360 coming over here was the right thing to do. 511 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:42,680 Coaster, drawer. 512 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,400 I was actually starting to enjoy my life. 513 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,440 I was feeling really optimistic about the next 30 years. 514 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,000 Well, you're not dead yet. 515 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,360 You let Dr Feel Good take the pain away. 516 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:03,840 I don't want to OD. 517 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,880 It's cut with benzo, balanced like a bank scale. 518 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,960 I'll pace you, trust me. 519 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,120 PHONE RINGS 520 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,480 Hey, Roly, what's up? 521 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,360 Oh, hi, Dad, did...? 522 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:19,280 Hey, Ben, it's Andy. Sam ran away. 523 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,960 Andy, ask Ben if he hates me. 524 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,080 Help us, please. Do you hate Bruce? 525 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,280 No, and why can't you do it yourself? 526 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,040 We're on mushrooms. 527 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,920 But Roly's all right. 528 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,960 Jesus Christ, why did she run away this time? 529 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,680 She's got cancer. 530 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,040 Shit. 531 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,880 Fuck, why did I ever stop? 532 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,760 That's my Sammy. 533 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,200 HE INHALES 534 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:49,920 BANGING ON DOOR 535 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,760 Look, just chill, OK? It's cool. 536 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,320 And the gang's all back together. 537 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,000 Gents, shoes. 538 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,120 We're not staying. 539 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,000 Sam, you're coming with us. 540 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,320 Yeah. WHOA, wait, are we in Japan? 541 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,440 Are you two high? 542 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,040 No, they're on psychedelics, So technically they're tripping. 543 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,720 Wait, hang on, how did you find me here? 544 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,480 Did Roly put a tracking app on my phone? 545 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,280 You always joked if you were dying you'd go on a massive drugs binge. 546 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,960 Drugs? You mean drugs to fight cancer, right? Mum? 547 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,280 Can somebody please take my son out of here? 548 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,800 We're trying to save you. This is an intervention. 549 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,240 God, you are so co-dependent! 550 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,960 Do you think I'm the one that needs saving? 551 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,440 Have you looked in the mirror lately? 552 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,200 We love you, Sam. PHONE BUZZES 553 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,960 Don't give up like that horse in The Never Ending Story. 554 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,440 Look, it's not broken! 555 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,720 Ah! 556 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,080 I diffused the bomb. Ah! 557 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,360 Can we just keep it down a bit? This is a nice building. 558 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:52,800 Oh sorry, Eclipse, are we too embarrassing for your neighbours? 559 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,080 Eclipse? 560 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,840 What, so he's THE Eclipse, 561 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,120 the dealer who introduced Mum and Dad? 562 00:25:58,120 --> 00:25:59,520 Introduced them? 563 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,600 The way I remember it, your dad stole her from me. 564 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,600 His real name's Cyril, we were flatmates at uni. 565 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,920 How do you even know that story? Oh, course, Andy. 566 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,040 Has this wall always been here? 567 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,920 Come on, Sam. Back off, mate. 568 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,240 Don't you "mate" me, you gave a sick woman drugs. 569 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,320 I'm a doctor, she's safer using with me than anyone else. 570 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:24,040 Well, if you're such a great doctor, why are there gnomes in your drapes? 571 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,080 No, they hide when you look. 572 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,760 Can you all just get out of here now? Go! 573 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,280 If you don't come with us, Mum, I'm going to take all this. 574 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,320 No. 575 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,640 How's that for co-dependence? 576 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,080 Sam, you're my hero, and if you don't take care of yourself 577 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,960 then who's going to clean up my mess? 578 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,880 Everything's so intense for me right now. 579 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,480 I lost a baby and there's a girl that I love and I'm living in 580 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:02,200 your basement like a troll. And I think that you're the only person 581 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,120 that really gets how ugly I am inside. 582 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:08,440 And you're my sister and sisters stick together. 583 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,600 Everybody gets cancer, even Patrick Swayze, 584 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,640 and he fought it and he's fine now. 585 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,880 No, Swayze's dead. 586 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,400 PLATE CLATTERS 587 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,520 Not Swayze! 588 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:20,960 Oh, God. 589 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,280 Andy, oh, my God. 590 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,080 I feel like I'm living Interstellar and Inception simultaneously. 591 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,200 That'll be the benzo. Should I call an ambulance? 592 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,200 No, he's probably just having a panic attack. 593 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,160 Jesus, Andy, only you could upstage cancer. 594 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,200 He just needs water and plenty of rest. 595 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,840 Now, will you all please leave with your shoes? 596 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,480 Oh, fuck you, Cyril. 597 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,640 Oh, fuck me? How about you owe me 300 598 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,640 for the eight ball your brother just snorted? 599 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,760 Whatever, Eclipse, you have my Withnail And I DVD from, like, 600 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,440 seven years ago, I think we're even now. 601 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,520 I'm sorry I took all the drugs, Roly. 602 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,280 I did it to save you. 603 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,240 You could've just thrown them on the floor. 604 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,280 Oh. 605 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,280 I think I've got a problem. 606 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,440 Don't worry, Andy, I'm here. Sisters stick together. 607 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,720 Hi, I'm Sam and I'm an addict. 608 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,080 ALL: Hi, Sam. 609 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:17,440 I got some bad news recently, life-changing, and I... 610 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,240 I didn't handle it well. I, um... 611 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,680 I forgot how to ask for help and I fell off the wagon. 612 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,480 The good news is that my family intervened, 613 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,040 and I know that not everyone's that lucky. 614 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,920 I'm feeling... 615 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:36,400 I'm feeling a lot more optimistic today, 616 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,880 and I know that I can get through this. 617 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,440 Thanks. 618 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,840 Hi. Um, I'm Andy. 619 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,880 Hi, Andy. 620 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:56,000 And... 621 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,560 ..I'm an addict. 622 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,240 # Strangers on this road we are on 623 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,200 # We are not two, we are one 624 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,880 # So you've been where I've just come 625 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,000 # We are not two, we are one. # 48655

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