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1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,560
# This is a story
of watching a man dying
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:09,480
# The subject's unpopular
but I don't feel like lying
3
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,520
# No, no
When I think of it now,
4
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,760
# I acted like a sinner
5
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:17,520
# I just washed my hands
and I went for my dinner... #
6
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,400
OVER RADIO: 'We're talking today
about new beginnings.
7
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,640
'Moments in your life where you
feel like it's time for a change.
8
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:27,320
'So, er, I'm on with a caller.
Hi. What was your second chapter?'
9
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,840
'So I used to work in the City...'
10
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,800
You're going to have to let her go.
But there's nothing wrong with her.
11
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,760
All you've got to do is replace
the windscreen, she's good as new.
12
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,360
Mate, this car's deader than disco.
13
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,960
I can't in any good conscience
let you drive her out of here.
14
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,040
I get it. You found Jamiroquai
in the tape deck?
15
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,080
Look, I can explain.
I was feeling nostalgic!
16
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,680
It's not Jamiroquai. Problem is,
you'd be safer driving a shark tank.
17
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,600
Your gear box is shot, your engine
bearings are worn to shit
18
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,160
and your steering column's
rustier than an old anchor.
19
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,680
It'd actually be more expensive
to fix it than buy a new car.
20
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,520
But I've had that car since uni!
21
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,840
We've been through
everything together.
22
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,200
The break-ups and
the hangovers and...
23
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,120
I had my only threesome
in that back seat.
24
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,480
Yeah? What was it,
girl-girl-boy or...boy-boy-girl?
25
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,440
A threesome's a threesome! Point is,
I'm not going to abandon her.
26
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,680
Look, how old are you, mate?
What, 40, 41?
27
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,400
I'm 32. Really?
28
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,000
Look, don't you think you
should start driving something
29
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,360
a little bit more...mature?
30
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,640
Face it, pal,
you're not at uni any more.
31
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,840
..two...three...
32
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,720
Roly? It's not my OCD.
33
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,480
What? Nothing. Um, is mum here?
34
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,080
Not yet. Do you have a minute
for a chat in the living room?
35
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,840
While I have a pulse,
every room's a living room.
36
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,040
Hey, Roly.
37
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,400
Oh, is this about me
reorganising the shoe rack?
38
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,360
I'm sorry I put yours
on the bottom, Veronica.
39
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,640
It's just, heels look
better on floor level.
40
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:48,680
No, it's fine.
41
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,160
And thank you for colour
coordinating everything,
42
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,920
it looks much...neater.
43
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,360
Veronica and I just want
you to know we're so proud
44
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,960
of how you've handled
this last year.
45
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,480
There's been a lot of change.
46
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,000
I know I'm a big part of that.
47
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,200
And sorry I added those series links
without your permission.
48
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,120
You've dealt with it all so
admirably and shown real maturity.
49
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,080
I can't believe you're
turning 14 in two weeks!
50
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,520
You're becoming a man
in front of our eyes.
51
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,800
It's like you could
cope with anything.
52
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,080
Look, Roly, the thing is, um...
53
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,920
Veronica and I are...
DOORBELL RINGS
54
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,400
Oh! That'll be mum. Er, TBC guys.
55
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,600
KNOCK ON DOOR
56
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,560
They made me kill my car.
57
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,760
I feel like Lassie's just been shot.
58
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,760
Can I come in?
I don't hear from you for months
59
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,040
and now you want to come in?
60
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,400
Can't we just go back to
the way things were before the...
61
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,480
K-I-S-S? It happened, Andy.
62
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,880
G-R-O-W U-P.
63
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:49,760
Grow up! You should have said
there was a space in it.
64
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,560
This was a mistake,
I'm sorry, I'll go.
65
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,880
Ryan and I broke up.
66
00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,440
Do you want me
to have a word with him?
67
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,240
I mean, I can tell him
it was all my fault.
68
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,560
No, I...I broke it off.
69
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,000
He'll make an amazing husband
to somebody.
70
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,240
I'm just... I'm not ready.
71
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,880
You having a spring clean?
Yeah, er...
72
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,560
I'm moving. I heard that the
rent round here is crazy town.
73
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,800
To America. Well, you can start
with South Croydon.
74
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,320
It'd make the commute easier.
75
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:20,280
Actually, I-I saw a listing
for a publishing house in New York.
76
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,480
Editor's assistant.
77
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,880
Shit pay, but, um, it's always
been my dream to work in publishing.
78
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,840
I didn't know you liked books.
79
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,200
I'm an English teacher.
80
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,640
So, when are you leaving?
81
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:33,840
Tonight.
82
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,800
You know you-you inspired me
to make this change, Andy.
83
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,040
You live on the edge of disaster
and I could do with a bit of that.
84
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,600
Spent my life trying
to be a grown-up and...
85
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,240
it's time to be selfish
for a change.
86
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,000
Yeah. Doesn't this seem a bit rash,
though? You tell me, Andy.
87
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,400
Is there any reason I should
give it a second thought?
88
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,480
I leave for Heathrow at five.
89
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,800
# I could never be your woman... #
90
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,200
RADIO DJ: 'And that was a classic
track from White Town.
91
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,640
'We're still talking about taking
a plunge and changing your life.'
92
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,040
Hi, caller, what's your name?
93
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,280
Hi, it's, um...Zach.
94
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,240
Hi, Zach, what can we do for you?
95
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,800
Well...
96
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,480
I never thought it would
happen to me
97
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,760
and then one day I found
myself falling madly into
98
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:22,360
a massive case of...
99
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,480
the bed bugs.
100
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,120
All of a sudden, I find out
that the bed bugs are planning
101
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,840
on moving to America and I'm not
sure I want to get rid of them.
102
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,040
No, you always want
to get rid of bed bugs.
103
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,240
Bed bugs are bad.
104
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,360
Hello?
105
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,000
Holy shit!
106
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,600
Great space and wonderful views.
107
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,120
George, what's going on?
108
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,640
The bedroom has terrific light.
109
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,560
And we'll deal with the smell.
110
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:45,760
Time's up, Andy.
111
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,400
I'm evicting you and suing you
for three grand in back rent.
112
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,600
Oh, no, you're not,
cos check this out.
113
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:51,760
Boom!
114
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,760
I've just won three and a half grand
for coming third in a song contest.
115
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,520
Ooh, it's a piece of paper
with your name on it.
116
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,120
What good's that to me? I'm done
with the delay tactics, Andy.
117
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,920
Game over. Wait! What if I can get
you the money by the end of the day?
118
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,480
I'm leaving for Pilates at five,
that gives you three hours.
119
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,040
After that, I'm changing the locks.
120
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,000
Don't worry about the carpets,
we'll get them industrially cleaned.
121
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,160
No more mystery stains.
122
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,520
They're not mystery stains.
123
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,920
They're semen. Eurgh...
124
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,120
What's that about?
125
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,080
Oh, my landlord's kicking me out cos
I haven't paid him his back rent.
126
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,720
You haven't got three grand?
Fuck off.
127
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,840
I'm still struggling to pay
the 20 grand mortgage
128
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,080
I took out for my coke habit.
129
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,000
Listen, Roly's in a bit of a mood.
DOOR SLAMS
130
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,000
Hey! Here's my sunshine!
131
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,040
The pollen's making
my sinusitis play up.
132
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,760
Great. Well, I need you both
at the flat for five on the dot.
133
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,640
Why me? I'm making dinner, remember.
Don't be late.
134
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:38,800
Bye, sweetheart.
135
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,000
Did you know that Melodie's
moving to America?
136
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,880
Yes, the school had
a big going-away party.
137
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,280
Why do you care anyway?
I thought you weren't speaking?
138
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,640
I don't care. Whatever.
139
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,320
I think Dad's going
to marry Veronica.
140
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,760
What's the point? I'm already
letting her live with us.
141
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,800
Surely that's enough.
That must suck for you.
142
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,440
Anyway, why are we eating at five?
143
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,280
Is your mum on one of
her weird diets again?
144
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,240
She's planning my surprise
birthday party.
145
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,920
She thinks she's being clever
by doing it two weeks in advance,
146
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,760
but really it's just like watching
a dog try to solve a Rubik's cube.
147
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,120
I mean, what's so fun about
being in a room full of people
148
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,160
trying to give me a coronary?
149
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,200
I hope I die. That'll teach them.
150
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,560
She's just trying to do something
nice for you. Grow up.
151
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,720
You grow up! No, you grow up!
No, you grow up! I will!
152
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:18,760
By cashing this cheque.
153
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,520
I've already lost the car today -
I'm not going to lose the flat.
154
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,200
UNENTHUSIASTICALLY:
Welcome to Cash Pig.
155
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,680
Our deals are a squeal.
156
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,480
I would like to cash this cheque,
s'il vous plait.
157
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,440
Sorry. We are out of cash.
158
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,080
Joking! That'd be like a
whorehouse without any whores.
159
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,760
Little man knows what I'm saying.
160
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,680
Just so you know -
we take a 10% commission. 10%?!
161
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,520
If you've got a problem with that,
you can always go to your bank.
162
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,560
I'm sure they can cash this
in - oh! - two to three days.
163
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,520
10% fine, that's fine. ID, please.
164
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:56,840
OK, that's 3,150 paid by
Songtest Inc to Andy King.
165
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:58,160
Songtest?
166
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,600
Can I see that cheque?
167
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,720
No! Don't show him!
168
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,800
That's not your money!
169
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,880
Ha! He's joking!
One minute, please.
170
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,040
I can't believe you didn't
tell me our song won!
171
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,400
It didn't win. It came third.
That was a collaboration.
172
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,840
We need to split it between
Val, Gwen, Casper, Hugo, me...
173
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,360
They'll get their split
after I'm back on my feet.
174
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,040
Until then, nobody has to know.
But I know!
175
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,480
It's like the first time you
find out how sausage is made.
176
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,680
You can never forget.
177
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,720
If I lose my flat, then I'm going
to be sleeping on your mum's sofa,
178
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,040
touching all your things
when you're at school.
179
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,160
Your towels, your toothbrush,
your embosser...
180
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,320
You wouldn't.
181
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,400
Wouldn't I? Uh-oh.
182
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,480
This cheque is made out
to "Andy King."
183
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,880
The name on this ID is Andrew.
I can't cash this.
184
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,480
You're going to have to get them
to write you another cheque.
185
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:47,960
No, no, no.
I need that cash today.
186
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,960
Sorry. My manager won't let me.
187
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,960
But I know a guy...
188
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,080
Hi.
189
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,440
Er, we're here for
the "Exterminator."
190
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,640
Hi, er, Mr...
191
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,520
..The Exterminator.
192
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:27,520
We would like
the "Total Kill Package," please.
193
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,040
How much?
194
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,680
Er, th-three grand.
195
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,680
And I can pay you just as soon
as I cash this cheque.
196
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,040
What the fuck are you doing?!
197
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,240
Give me the slip!
198
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,160
Sure. Sorry. Yes, yes, sir.
199
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,080
You wearing a wire?
200
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,360
HE SCOFFS
201
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,040
No, no, no.
202
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,120
No, I've seen Donny Brasco.
203
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,400
Why's he so quiet?
204
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,720
Because he is a dullard.
205
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,760
What's your name? It's, er...
206
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,600
J-Joey.
207
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,920
IN UNCONVINCING NEW JERSEY ACCENT:
Er, Joey Falcone.
208
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,920
Sounds like you've got
a bit of an accent there.
209
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,960
Sounds like you've got
a bit of an accent there.
210
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,840
What's an American boy
doing knocking about
211
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,960
with a middle-aged English weirdo?
212
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,600
I'm 32!
And he's on an exchange programme.
213
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,560
The interest rate's 20%.
20%! That's highway robbery!
214
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:38,680
The cheque cashiers only took 10!
215
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,160
What a shit accent!
216
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,520
Don't give up your day job,
Dick Van Dyke.
217
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,840
20% will be fine. Kids, eh?
218
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,560
That's a nice painting.
Your kids do it?
219
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,760
No.
220
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,600
My wife did.
221
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:52,800
It's...It's nice.
222
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,520
Don't lie. It's bloody horrible.
223
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,680
I only put it up cos she nagged me.
She's got you well by the nuts.
224
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,720
That's because she
is unbelievable in bed,
225
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,120
otherwise I'd have got rid
of her a very long time ago.
226
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,360
She got a face that could blast
the paint off a barn door.
227
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,600
'Ere - my wife is so ugly,
she could make an onion cry.
228
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,840
HE CACKLES
229
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,760
Your wife's so ugly,
she don't need no Halloween costume.
230
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,160
LAUGHTER
231
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:18,000
My wife is so ugly, our wedding
video's in the horror section!
232
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,200
Your-your wife's so ugly
that the Elephant Man's like,
233
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,800
"Eww - no thanks!"
234
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,840
LAUGHTER DIES ABRUPTLY
235
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,720
What did you say?
236
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,640
Elephant Man.
HE SLAMS DRAWER
237
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:40,840
Wait there.
238
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,200
IN HUSHED TONES: Joey Falcone?!
239
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,360
I was masking my identity,
I panicked.
240
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,360
You're one to talk,
you insulted his wife!
241
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:50,600
I thought we were bantering!
242
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,400
Well, he's going to kill us now.
He's definitely going to kill you.
243
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,120
Relax, I've got a plan.
What is it?
244
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,560
Run!
245
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:01,080
MUSIC: Roll Away Your Stone
by Mumford & Sons
246
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,480
Faster!
247
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,800
ANDY PANTS HEAVILY
248
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,800
Oh...
249
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,360
Oh!
250
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,840
Oh, great(!) I lose my flat
in an hour and a half.
251
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,640
How about one of those payday loans?
They give those to anyone.
252
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,120
Not if you've got a worse credit
rating than a Greek bank.
253
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,200
Excuse me!
Sorry, we don't have any change.
254
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,240
I don't want change. I want sleep.
255
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,920
Now move along, we're full up here.
Hang on.
256
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,320
I'm not homeless. You sure?
That jacket screams homeless.
257
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,880
It's vintage!
258
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,640
He's going for that,
um, hobo chic look.
259
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,200
I sat outside a Greggs yesterday
for eight hours.
260
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,760
Does that sound chic to you?
261
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,200
No.
262
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,240
My life is not some trendy fashion
statement for you to appropriate.
263
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,840
Now, shove off before
I get my mates involved.
264
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,560
Steve over there did
three tours of Afghanistan.
265
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,520
He's a walking Jacob's Ladder.
266
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,400
Well, go on, then! I'm not going
to roll out the red carpet for you.
267
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,680
Carpet.
268
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:03,960
Carpet. Thank you! Thank you!
SQUEAKING
269
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,320
Bonny?
270
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,320
Bonny! Ugh. A rat.
271
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,760
WHIMPERING: She wasn't a rat!
272
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,760
She was my friend!
273
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,360
Hey, guys!
274
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,960
He...killed...Bonny!
275
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,640
HORN HONKS
276
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,800
You guys need a lift? Shit, yes!
277
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,600
What was that all about?
278
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,960
We was just being chased by
a bunch of deranged tramps.
279
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,880
That's wild. So where to, lads?
280
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,960
Just down the road
to Carpet Brothers?
281
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,360
Thanks for this. No probs.
282
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,680
It's all about people
helping people.
283
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:48,080
I'm Blake, this is Archie,
Winston, Raymond and Carter.
284
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,920
Welcome to our humble tour van.
285
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,160
Are you guys in a band? No, no.
286
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,360
We're a collective.
287
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,840
Bands come with all this baggage
of hierarchy and commercial gain.
288
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,880
And we are just in it for the music.
289
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,440
That's why we only use
equipment made pre-'79.
290
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,240
That's what I'm talking about!
You know?
291
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,960
You can say what you like
about technological advancement,
292
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,640
but for me, it really doesn't
get any better than Phil Spector
293
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,200
and his "Wall of Sound."
Didn't Phil Spector kill someone?
294
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,360
Yeah, but I mean,
come on, Be My Baby?
295
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,600
So, er, you guys doing a lot
of touring at the moment? Yeah.
296
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,080
We've been on the road for a year.
Live performance is a dying art.
297
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,000
And it's getting to meet
old timers like you
298
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,720
that makes it all worthwhile,
you know?
299
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,280
What kind of music do you play?
Just music-music, I guess.
300
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,000
We don't really go in
for trends or genres.
301
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,080
Yeah, but, um,
who are your influences?
302
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,240
Again, we don't believe
in influences, really.
303
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:37,400
But, I mean, you look like
304
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,440
you've got some sort
of folky vibe going on?
305
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:40,920
You must listen to Jim Croce? Who?
306
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,480
Jim Croce - Operator,
Time In A Bottle?
307
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,160
Have you heard of James Taylor?
James Taylor?
308
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,880
Carole King? I mean, you're
fucking with me? Tapestry? No...
309
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,880
Johnny Cash? Yes, yeah. The guy
from the Joaquin Phoenix movie.
310
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,160
I like that one Adele song -
Make You Feel My Love?
311
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,640
That's a Dylan cover!
Why is all this so important to you?
312
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,000
Because music is an evolution.
313
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,560
How can you move forward
if you don't know where you've been?
314
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,000
Forget it. I don't know why
I'm getting worked up about it.
315
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,720
It's not like you're signed or
anything. Oh, no, we're signed.
316
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,920
To Sony. We're supporting Mumford
& Sons on their reunion tour.
317
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,080
Oh, hipsters.
Did you just call us hipsters?
318
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,000
I think he might have
said "tipsters."
319
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,240
"If you see something,
say something," right, guys?
320
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:18,680
We're not hipsters. Oh, yeah.
321
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,240
You just happen to all be dressed
322
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,360
like some sort of
apocalyptic gypsy gang
323
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,440
with facial hair
from the Crimean War.
324
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,080
It takes more than a ukulele
and a tweed jacket
325
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,400
to be in a band... Collective.
326
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,880
I hate everything you stand for,
327
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,600
from your roly cigarettes
to your prescription-less glasses
328
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,200
and your artisanal cheese-making
and your male knitting.
329
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,960
You're living in some sort of weird
fictional version of the past
330
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,080
that never existed.
331
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,000
But I've got news for you - you're
not beautiful unique snowflakes.
332
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,360
You're nothing but
a bunch of fucking posers!
333
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,360
You couldn't keep your stupid mouth
shut for five minutes, could you?!
334
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,400
They were pricks!
Those pricks were trying to help!
335
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,280
HORN HONKS
336
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,440
ANDY PANTS
337
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,240
I let you down, I let myself down,
338
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,720
but most importantly,
I let Carpet Brothers down.
339
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,440
I let the carpets down.
340
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,040
Since you fired me, I've really
been able to work on myself.
341
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,320
He's friendlier,
more patient, giving.
342
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,200
He's even promised to get me
a microscope for my birthday.
343
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,440
Andy,
I don't know how to tell you this.
344
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,520
Of course
you can have your job back.
345
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,160
It's not been the same without you.
346
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,760
I don't want my job back.
347
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,320
I just need to borrow
three grand off you.
348
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,400
Look, I can pay you back
in a couple of days,
349
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,400
as soon as I get this cheque cashed.
350
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:30,840
Please. For my embosser.
351
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,120
OK, I'll lend you the money.
352
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,800
If you can sell them a carpet.
353
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,920
Hi there. Can I help you?
354
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,720
Er, yeah, we're looking for
some carpeting for his new bedroom.
355
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,560
But we're on a budget. Well,
we have the best prices in town.
356
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,920
Really? This app says Magic Carpet,
which is just 0.28 miles away,
357
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,200
has a 20% sale on all its stock.
358
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:59,200
Well, who cares about discounts?
It's all about quality and
selection.
359
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,080
Carpet Brothers' carpets
are made from the finest materials,
360
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,680
sourced from all over the world, but
exclusively manufactured in the UK.
361
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,400
Who are you? I'm his manager.
362
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,720
Aren't you a little young
to be a manager?
363
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,720
I'm 25.
I have a pituitary condition.
364
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,760
Oh. Sorry. No worries.
It's a common mistake.
365
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:18,000
Can I talk to you over there
for a second, Mr Manager?
366
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,760
What do you think you're doing?
You're screwing this up for me.
367
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,920
Where did you get that shirt?
Roopesh gave it to me.
368
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,320
The man's a treasure.
369
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,680
Look, relax. I know retail.
I've read Mary Portas's book twice.
370
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,120
You've got to be firm, but fair.
371
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,160
Sorry about that.
Did anything catch your eye?
372
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,680
What do you think of this carpet,
Louie? I think it's nice.
373
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,040
That one has the very latest
in stain-resistant
374
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,560
and hard-wearing fibres,
375
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:42,080
and we can offer a 20% discount
for today only.
376
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,080
I hate it. Yeah, it's horrible.
377
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,400
No problem. I've got something
I think you'll love.
378
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,000
Take a look at this beauty.
I'm sure your dad will approve.
379
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,160
He's not my dad. He's my stepdad.
380
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,040
Carpet shopping is his idea
of fun bonding time.
381
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,600
I know how exactly what you mean.
382
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,440
My dad's girlfriend's always trying
to get me to Madame Tussauds.
383
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,760
I don't care about
the real life David Beckham,
384
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,440
let alone his stupid wax double.
385
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,840
Um, I mean,
I remember from when I was your age.
386
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,120
Yeah...
And all he ever talks about is work.
387
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,080
I mean,
who cares about food science?
388
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,680
Food science can be a lot of fun.
389
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,120
Do you know how they measure
calories? By blowing food up.
390
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,840
Really?
Yeah. That's my third career choice.
391
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:19,280
Er, before I fell in love
with carpets, of course.
392
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,960
Let's just say that
you're a solitary grizzly bear.
393
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,200
You start having feelings for a fox.
394
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:29,560
She's smart and cute, with soft hair
and quirky sense of humour.
395
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,480
But she's still a fox.
396
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:35,200
And she might lift you up
with all of her foxy qualities.
397
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,120
But you're just going to
drag her down
398
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,840
with all your bear shit, you know?
399
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,200
I saw a pig doing a goat on YouTube.
400
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,360
And he's always buying me stuff
to make me like him.
401
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:48,000
Hm, exploiting their insecurities
for material gain.
402
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,480
I hadn't thought of that.
403
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,360
I mean, um, you remind me
a lot of myself when I was your age.
404
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:54,080
You're a weird guy. Thanks.
405
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,160
You know,
if you really want to show him,
406
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,400
you should buy
the most expensive carpet we've got.
407
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,600
We haven't sold an inch of
gold velour in, like, four years.
408
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,120
How'd you do it?
I guess I'm just a natural salesman.
409
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,880
You never change, Andy.
That's what I love about you.
410
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,600
Right, three grand,
to be paid back asap, OK?
411
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,600
Now, put it away quick,
cos my dad's in...
412
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:12,880
Roopesh! Dad.
413
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,520
This is the company's money.
414
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,640
It belongs to Carpet Brothers,
not Carpet Sons.
415
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,960
That sucks. Yeah.
I didn't even get to keep the shirt.
416
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,720
If we hurry, maybe we can find
another cheque cashing place.
417
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,320
There's got to be one that
doesn't care about... Oi! ..IDs.
418
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,440
There's the guy
that insulted your wife.
419
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,840
Leg it! Get him!
420
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,040
MUSIC STARTS
421
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,120
DRUMS BUILD
422
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:55,120
# Fight for the future
423
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,560
# Fight for the future
424
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,920
# It's me versus you
And there's nowhere to run
425
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,960
# I can see in your eyes
that the moment has come
426
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,120
# A man's gotta do
what has gotta be done
427
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:17,640
# There's a dozen of you
But with me, there's just one
428
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,640
# Who can recall
how we got to this place?
429
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,680
# Let's put aside our differences
and cut to the chase
430
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,000
# Cos a kick to the nuts
is like a slap in the face
431
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,440
# To the children of tomorrow
and the human race
432
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,440
# Fight for the future
433
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,240
# It's the clash of the titans
Where legends must meet
434
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,800
# Fight for the future
435
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,080
# We'll be pounding the ground
to the beat of the street
436
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,240
# Pow, pow, pow
Fuckin' holy cow
437
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,280
# The only thing that matters
is we're dancing now
438
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,520
# Moving our feet as fast
as time allows
439
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,520
# As we fight through the night
to make everything right
440
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:59,640
# And use all of our might
to dance all night
441
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,680
# Fight for the future
442
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,320
# Don't punch my...
Don't punch my face
443
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,080
# Fight for the future
444
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,600
# Don't touch my...
Don't touch my face
445
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,080
# Fight for the future
446
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:19,120
# No, not the...
No, not the face
447
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,720
# Fight for the future
448
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:26,360
# Don't punch my...
Don't punch my face
449
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,440
# Fight for the future... #
Uncle Andy? Uncle Andy?
450
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,800
Uncle Andy?
451
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,760
My wife might be a minger,
but she's my minger.
452
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,440
So, in future,
you be a bit more tactful.
453
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,000
You cunt.
454
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,240
ANDY GROANS
455
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,280
You took Bonny, so I'm going to take
something you care about.
456
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,720
It's tramps like you
that give the homeless a bad name.
457
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,120
We might be hipsters,
but you're mean.
458
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:11,680
And FYI, Hurt is my favourite
Johnny Cash song, so...
459
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,560
That's a Nine Inch Nails cover.
460
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,960
Oh, 15 minutes.
461
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,760
I'm going to be living on the
street, selling my body for cash.
462
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,720
No shame in that. Prostitution's
one of the oldest professions.
463
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,920
I could make you a website.
How about RandyAndy.net?
464
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,680
Dot net's much sluttier.
465
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:30,760
PHONE BEEPS
466
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,920
Or we could just go on the run.
467
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,400
I wouldn't have to go to this party
468
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,240
or watch my dad
get married to Veronica.
469
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,440
You could live a life without
burden. We could ramble and pick
fruit.
470
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,920
We could work on our art
and push each other to be better,
471
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,480
like Van Gogh and Gauguin,
472
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,040
except without
all the ear-lopping and suicide.
473
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,280
And giving syphilis
to all those Tahitian women.
474
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,760
I have a confession.
475
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,120
I set your phone 15 minutes fast.
Wait, what?
476
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,960
I thought it would help you
with your lateness. It didn't work.
477
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,360
But...good news is,
we've got some more time.
478
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,560
But who do we know
with a spare three grand?
479
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,080
Are you are having a fucking laugh?
I told you he'd say that.
480
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,560
Look, Val, I know
I've brought this on myself,
481
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,280
but if you help me
get out of the hole I'm in,
482
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,320
I swear
I'll start doing things differently.
483
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,800
You know, from tomorrow.
484
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,480
Or the day after that, definitely.
I'll do whatever it takes.
485
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,440
I'll let you kick me
in the balls, or...
486
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,720
Shut the fuck up, Andy.
I told you he'd say that, too.
487
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,160
All right, we'll leave.
488
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,120
How much do you need? Seriously?
489
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:29,000
I knew a lad like you once.
490
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,720
Moving through life without purpose,
491
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,720
people treating him like a freak
for the way he was born.
492
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,520
He didn't have anyone there for him
when the chips were down.
493
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:37,840
I get it.
494
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,640
That freaky kid was you.
495
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,320
I'm talking about my cousin Billy
with cerebral palsy. Oh.
496
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:47,800
Anyway, they say that life
is like a roller-coaster.
497
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,280
Now, some people,
they have a grand old time.
498
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,480
Some people cry
and scream their heads off.
499
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,240
Some just vomit.
500
00:22:55,240 --> 00:23:00,160
And others close their eyes and try
and make the whole world disappear.
501
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,400
I know!
The ride's what you make of it.
502
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:06,080
You've just got to enjoy the
roller-coaster. No, twat!
503
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,320
I'm trying to tell you that the fair
has more than one ride.
504
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,640
You don't have to be
on the roller-coaster.
505
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,640
You can go on the...the teacups
or the Ferris wheel
506
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,960
or the whack-a-mole.
507
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,440
So, today, Andy,
I'm going to buy you a new ticket
508
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,800
to get on a different ride.
509
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,680
And you'd better fucking use it.
510
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,720
I've got your money.
With two minutes to spare.
511
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,760
I bet you didn't think
that was going to happen.
512
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,440
I have to say, I'm impressed.
513
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,040
I'm still evicting you, though.
What? But he got your money.
514
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,440
That he owed me.
I won't have to sue. We're square.
515
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,240
I'll be the best tenant ever.
I'll even fix the hole in the wall.
516
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,000
What hole in the wall?
I mean... Sorry.
517
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,440
That couple have already
put down a four-month deposit.
518
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,200
I'll give you the weekend
to move out.
519
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,320
I'd throw out your mattress. The
upstairs tenant reported bedbugs.
520
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,440
DOOR SHUTS
521
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,480
You're 35 minutes late.
The food is totally cold.
522
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,600
Ohhh, the food. Shit. We really
were having an early dinner.
523
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,920
What else
did you think was happening?
524
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,560
ALL: Surprise!
525
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,200
Oh, wow. Um, I had no idea.
526
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,800
Well, thanks, guys.
Only the best for our birthday boy.
527
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,040
Er, Dad, I believe there was
something you wanted to tell me.
528
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,240
Oh, it can wait till later.
Let's do it now.
529
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,800
It can be a...a dual celebration.
530
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,200
OK.
531
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,120
Well, um, Veronica,
do you want to...?
532
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:31,360
Er, Roly, guys, Sam...
533
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:32,960
and Bruce.
534
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,960
Um, Veronica and I...
535
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,080
are getting married.
536
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,680
Yeah! Aw, congratulations.
537
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,560
APPLAUSE
538
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,520
WHISPERS: Microscope,
microscope, microscope.
539
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,440
It's a telescope. That is so cool.
540
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,320
Yeah, yeah...
Actually, yeah, it is. Thanks, Dad.
541
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,320
You know, you can always
live with us, if you want.
542
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,720
I wouldn't mind. Thank you.
543
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,880
Your embosser will be safe,
I promise.
544
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,040
You know, as far
as wicked stepmothers go,
545
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,880
you could do a lot worse.
546
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,560
Yeah, I suppose.
547
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,640
Dad's entitled to a bit of
happiness.
548
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,680
And when love's staring you
in the face,
549
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,720
you'd be a fool
to kick it in the teeth.
550
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:24,120
Even if it does have a subscription
to Hello! magazine.
551
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:25,520
Be back in a second.
552
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,880
Be honest.
Did you know about the party?
553
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,400
No. No, you got me. Total surprise.
554
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,920
You know that Bruce really helped me
put all this all together. Cool.
555
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,680
How would you feel about him
being around a little bit more?
556
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,280
How much more?
557
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:47,320
Well, we were thinking of, um...
of moving in together.
558
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:54,400
What, like, um...me, you, Bruce
559
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,240
and...and Tiffany?
560
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,120
Well, Tiff's joint custody
like you, so...
561
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,240
so sometimes, yeah.
562
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,000
But, you know, we'll figure it out.
563
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,000
Great. Yeah? Yeah.
564
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,120
Yeah? I love you. Mwah!
565
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:14,840
So, now you know my sob story.
566
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,440
The worst thing
that could've happened, happened.
567
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,200
And you know what?
568
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:21,960
I don't even care.
569
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:27,120
I'm going to start a new chapter
in my life. Only... 'Only?'
570
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:31,440
Well, it's too late.
My foxy bedbug has left me.
571
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,400
She went to Heathrow at five.
Well, then there's still time.
572
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,560
It's six o'clock now,
so unless you've got a DeLorean
573
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,720
or a magic police box
lying around...
574
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,160
'If she left at five
for an international flight,'
575
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,200
the flight doesn't leave
until eight or nine.
576
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,760
I've still got time?
Yes, dummy, you still have time.
577
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,360
Sam!
I need to borrow your car keys.
578
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,240
What for?
I need to cause a disaster.
579
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,520
OK, but you'd better not change
my radio presets.
580
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,640
PHONE RINGS
581
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:04,000
Melodie, I was about to call you.
Please say you haven't left yet.
582
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,800
'Andy, who's Melodie?'
583
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,160
Teresa? Ah... Um, I'm sorry.
I can't talk right now.
584
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,120
'Don't worry. I won't keep you
long.'
585
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,280
I just wanted you to know
my husband's left me.
586
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,280
Oh, shit. I'm...sorry.
587
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,800
Well, not your fault. Finding
my pregnancy test didn't help.
588
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,000
He had a vasectomy 20 years ago.
589
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,320
Uh-huh. 'Are you listening, Andy?'
590
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,760
I'm pregnant.
591
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,640
'So much for the menopause.
592
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:31,960
'Andy?'
593
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:38,040
# Still don't know
what I was waiting for
594
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,080
# And my time was running wild
595
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,360
# A million dead-end streets and...
596
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,680
# Every time
I thought I'd got it made
597
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,360
# It seemed the taste... #
598
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:50,720
Do you want to go for a drive?
599
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,400
Where?
600
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,280
Anywhere.
601
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,000
Sounds perfect.
47902
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