Original subtitles

Hey guys. Do you think three against one is a bit unfair?

No problem, Wilhelmina!

Throw the doomsday device out

- and we'll let you go. - Convincing, right?

Sorry. Can't do that.

But | have another present for you.

Shit!

Guys, I'm out. That's it for me.

Go get her!

Follow her, Mike! | catch up next corner.

It's about time you give up. The net is getting tighter and tighter.

You don't say.

- See yal - What the...?!

- Hey Mike, are you okay? - Hell yeah, but I'm out too. Finish her!

You shouldn't have done that.

- Now it's personal! - Oh, come on. It's always personal.

This can't go on like this forever, Zack!

You don't get away that easy.

- Looking for that kiss goodbye? - Sure.

- Just get out of your car. - Feel bulletproof?

Shit!

- David Hasselhoff? - Yeah?

I'm in pursuit of a crazy chick with a doomsday device in her possession.

The world could end. Can | borrow your car?

- The world's always ending. - But this time it's also about family.

Okay, then.

Okay, then!

Okay, Marty. So, what are we going to do about this?

- About what? - That's it!

My whole fucking part.

- It's a fun cameo! - No, Marty.

It blows donkey balls!

How often are we going to repeat this joke?

I'm an actor. | want to act!

I'm done playing fake versions of David Hasselhoff.

They want me to do press for this thing. Yesterday at the junket,

some smartass asked me how | got into character.

You turned it into a funny moment. That's what you do.

- What if | don't want to? - People loved you

- in Guardians of the Galaxy. - Guardians was great.

But also another David Hasselhoff.

Last week | was doing a Mitch Buchannon,

and two Michael Knights in May.

This is getting old.

- You guys still need the... room? - Does it look like I'm finished!?

David, we've received some promising offers,

- we were just going to talk to you about. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Send them over.

- | want to read them. - We're still getting coverage on it.

Why don't you come in tomorrow and we'll give you an update on the material?

Yeah, tomorrow.

I'm sorry, | got to take this. See you!

Leo, how are you? Listen, | talked to Apple.

They want you with Steven directing...

- Aaand he's gone... - Sorry, there's a lot going on.

For what it's worth, | thought it was really funny.

- Sorry, what's your name again? - I'm Bill.

- | came in when the movie was already... - You're on my team?

- Yeah, I'm a new addition. - Listen, Bill.

It's not worth a whole lot, okay?

It's worth less than dog shit.

- ls Marty handing me off? - No! David! Come on!

You're a priority client. You know that!

Marty loves you! | love you!

It's just... we wanted to incorporate a younger perspective.

- Under-twenty-fives will love this! - Who cares? It's not acting!

I'm 69 years old! Get me something that's worth my time!

Hey honey.

- Worried about something? - You know me, I'm never worried.

- How'd the meeting go? - Ugh, they don't care.

They make money either way.

- | care. - | know, Peach.

- But I'm not that desperate yet! - Yes, you are. Let me help you.

People will talk.

- It's not going to be a good look for you. - Don't need to protect me, Dad.

- | don't want you on my team! - Okay!

Honey, they're going to say it's nepotism. They won't respect you.

| know.

- What are you doing tonight? - Staying in!

- Book, or a movie? - Can | check in?

- Not necessary. - Can |?

Of course you can, honey.

- What's going on with my father? - Hello! Didn't hear you knocking.

- Well? - Funny.

We're having a team meeting about that right now.

Bill on David's team now?

- As a matter of fact... - He is. You know...

- Your father didn't want you to... - | don't care.

- You're dropping him. - No! Marty's just getting...

...less involved and

Bill's going to take over the day to day.

- You're dropping him too. - No. Also just getting less involved.

You know, your dad wants to go

- in a new direction... - He wants to be taken seriously,

- that's hardly a new direction! - ...Bill's the right man

to get him that fresh new start!

- How long have you been working here? - Seven months.

David is still raking in a ton of money for A.C.T.

He has been with you for 17 years.

You're planning on handing him over to college boy?

He wouldn't have to know.

- | think | must've fucking misheard. - Don't get all high and mighty.

I'm just talking like | would about any other client.

Now, are you with the agency?

Or are you daddy's girl?

My father came to you today, asking for help.

How do you plan on helping him?

People loved him in Guardians of the Galaxy, so...

People love him period! You want to know how much?

You can't walk two blocks without drawing a crowd!

Come on.

All he wants is a challenge.

You could have a great career here, Tara. You really want to tie it to your old man?

Yes.

My father has greatness in him that he has yet to show the world!

Okay.

It's your funeral.

Dad...

Dad!

Hey.

Must've fallen asleep.

God, I'm tired.

- What's babyface doing here? - We need to talk to you.

I'm coming into the agency again tomorrow.

| thought this was a daddy-daughNter visit?

Just listen to him.

Okay.

Shoot.

Marty and Anne would like me to find you your next project.

You.

- Okay. - So, we currently have

eight real offers for you.

Four of them are... well, they're shit.

Just subpar television.

The other four are movies,

but more or less cameos and | know you don't want that.

Dad. | went through the material with him.

- I'm afraid he's right. - So, we pass and wait for better days.

Been there, | can afford it.

- You both aren't here for that. - There was an unusual offer.

It came in a month ago. Marty didn't like it. He had it trashed.

- But | pitched it to Tara. - We pulled it from the archives,

| read the coverage and | like it for you.

- It's the lead in a Demroy Corban play. - Do you know who Batur N. Bathur is, sir?

- No. - He's a rising star in the theatre world.

He's had amazing successes in London.

And he'll be directing

"Supernatural Man of Mystery"

- By Demroy Corban. - Supernatural Man of Mystery?

- It's a serious play. Highly acclaimed. - Then why does it sound

- like an Austin Powers movie? - It's older than the Austin Powers movies.

- They should change the name then. - You can't change a Demroy Corban!

Why?

- Because he's a genius? - No, it's in his contracts.

| mean, he's famous for it. And... he's a genius.

So I'd have to be in London, huh?

This is east o' Berlin.

At an independent English language theatre.

- As you know... - The Germans love David Hasselhoff.

- Exactly. - Now, it's not a lot of money.

But...

The playwrighter is a legend and if it's successful, it'll go on the road

- and will end up in London. - Okay.

I'll read it and discuss it with Marty at A.C.T. tomorrow.

Okay, what's the catch?

The offer's a month old and expires today.

- We have to get back to them right away. - Peach, they'll have someone else by now.

No, | talked to them on my way here.

They're holding out for you.

Sounds fishy.

Read it.

Hey, peach. | guess you're sleeping.

Well, I've landed. | couldn't really sleep on the plane.

Guess I'm too old for the red-eye.

Anyway, I'll try to catch some sleep before meeting everyone.

Berlin is amazing. I've always loved it.

This is going to be great. | just want to say

| really do love the play. Such a great find!

| guess | should be happy to have you as my agent.

This is exciting!

- How long is the drive? - Twenty minutes.

Okay! That was quick.

Do me a favour and have my luggage brought in, | want to take a nap

before starting the day.

Please, Mr. Hasselhoff. This is not final destination.

This is pickup for other actor. I'm sorry.

- Other actor? - Yes.

You realise | was on a plane for twelve hours, right?

Yes. Very sorry.

They say, | drive.

No sweat!

You sleep on plane, right?

First class?

Yeah, right.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm... David Hasselhoff.

You do look like him.

I'm Henry.

| play Rufus.

Nice to meet you.

How long are we driving? | never remember Berlin being so big.

- We're leaving Berlin right now. - What?

We're going to Gorlitz. Where the theatre is.

Girl-Its?

Right on! It's at the Polish border. The city furthest to the east of Germany.

This is Hasselhoff. Whoever's awake - call me. Right now.

- Hi, you landed? What's up? - I'll tell you what's up.

Either I'm being kidnapped as we speak or you lied to my fucking face.

I... | don't... what?

The play is not in East Berlin.

It's in some way over, almost in Poland town called Girl's zits, or something.

G6rlitz. Yeah, | know. | never said East Berlin. | said East of Berlin.

- You must've misheard. Sorry. - You're going to have a great career.

G6rlitz is where it's at right now in Europe.

George Clooney shot there, Wes Anderson, Tarantino...

They actually call it Gorliwood for all the

first rate filmmaking that's going on there.

Besides, it's only four months and... the contract's signed.

Listen, Bill. Call me in the morning. The whole team.

Yeah.

We have met before, you know.

No.

| don't drink.

You used to. Funny story: 1989. Just before the wall came down.

You went to Berlin. | mean the east.

That was a big deal for the GDR. Celebrities from the West coming over.

Obviously the secret police was watching your every move.

| was working for "The Network" back then.

That's what we called our special branch of intelligence service.

- But you're an actor. - Yes, a great one!

- But | also believed in Socialism. - You were an actor...

- Famous actor. - ...and a spy?

Yeah.

The Network's specialty was

employing artists and celebrities as agents.

They can often travel to places, gain access to situations

where regular people and, by extension, regular agents will fail.

See, it's not always easy with celebrity targets like you.

Lots of exclusive events and receptions.

Everybody knows each other, everybody's famous.

Can't just have any old Stasi bureaucrat waltz into that mix of people

without sticking out like a sore thumb.

So, eastern intelligence services, KGB, Stasi, UB, UDBA...

created this Network of celebrities that were also agents.

It being the cold war and all, the West did the same thing.

- But we invented it. - Why would one be interested in me?

Why was | a target?

| don't remember.

- Of course. - It's a long time ago.

Maybe it was to recruit you. Or we thought you were with "The Other Side".

That's what we called the western network.

Of course they called us "The Other Side". Very confusing.

What I'm trying to say is that we've already met each other in the past.

Funny story, huh?

What did you do?

Oh, nothing.

- The whole thing failed. - What did you try to do?

Just the basic standard scheme to get kompromat.

Drug you, get to your room, take compromising photos...

Maybe a Super 8 with you and a hooker/agent.

Nothing special.

Oh, sorry. Ils that your drink?

I've always wondered what that was.

Well, everything is different now.

We're just two middle aged actors shooting the shit.

But you could tell me now, you know? If you were ever part of "The Other Side".

Nobody cares about past secrets anymore.

| was never part of any "Network" or any "other Side".

What?

I'm just curious if "The Other Side" still exists.

Doesn't matter.

Ah! Here we go! This is Gorlitz, Germany's gateway to the east.

Isn't it beautiful?

The WW2 bombings mostly spared the city.

Buildings and structures in the historic part are up to eight centuries old.

The city exudes history.

Poland and the former USSR are spitting distance.

The town's records date back to the 11th century as a Sorbian settlement.

Throughout history, it was under German, Bohemian, Polish and Hungarian rule...

| have a killer jet lag.

...this is the payoff for years of hard work.

Everybody told me, "Don't invest your own money in this."

"You need to succeed on the quality of your endeavor."

They thought this idea was a sinkhole.

They thought | was crazy.

But look at this now. Isn't it unbelievable?

Yeah...

It's unbelievable.

Hey man, I'm Tom Maria Dunckel.

Looking forward to be working with you.

Thanks. Same.

Hey Henry!

Hello.

How long is will this go on? I've got a killer jet lag.

- | need sleep! - | hear you.

There's nothing I'd love more than to go to my hotel room. We'll split soon, ok?

- Stick with me. - Hi! I'm Andra Shandra. I'm a big fan.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too.

What are you doing?

I'm in the play. I'm an actress.

- Huh?! - What?

Uh, excuse me. You don't say actress. You say actor. Both male and female.

Funny! | didn't notice when | was in New York and L.A.

Well, when you're too busy with bikini-in-the-pool photo shoots...

Now we're talking. | waited for this. Thank God | was warned about you.

- If you think I'll ask... I'm not. - I'll tell you anyway:

Hubchen's an eccentric diva. His ego's bigger than the Brandenburg Gate.

- He can't stand others being more famous. - What's going on?

Nothing. She thinks people clicking on her pictures qualifies her as an actor.

Two. Million. Followers. Okay, Henry?

Translates to: Two. Million. Fuck you's!

Come, David. Let's go. Let's not have that old fart rain on our parade.

...already a success. You will see.

And now we got Batur, this amazing cast...

This thing's on the straight road to success. Don't you think so?

Yes, sure. Absolutely.

- When will you introduce me? - David's a bit jet-lagged.

- We shouldn't bother him too much. - Not David. Shandra! As agreed!

- Ahhh! - What?!

One second.

One more time: I'm so excited to see you all here.

This will be amazing! Together, we will accomplish greatness!

And | realize, everybody's a little tired, huh?

So, let's meet fresh tomorrow and start our journey!

Thank fucking god.

Good night, everybody. Thank you.

Come on over, folks! The bus is down there!

Mr. Hasselhoff, can | help you?

Where's my car?

Let me just find out for you. Wait here a sec, alright?

Come on. Let's not bother with that.

You're in Germany now. Enjoy the ride! See? This is for us.

Thanks. | got a killer jet lag. I'll wait for my driver.

Oh... yeah, okay. As you like.

So... It seems like your driver was sent to the hotel with your luggage

to check in for you. I'm sorry, it'll be a while before he's back.

-But let me just call you a cab- -No.

No, thanks.

You sure?

| really am, you know.

A big fan. It's not just some small talk bullshit American style.

| used to watch "Baywatch" every week, dreaming to live in California.

It's still a dream. Maybe one day...

Have you seen Henry?

No, haven't seen him. Don't care.

Wait.

What?

What's wrong?

Where's the hotel?

Oh, the hotel can wait. Come on, the night is young!

Let's paint the town red!

You really want to call it a night, huh?

You have no idea.

Trading a quick night cap for a shared cab ride to the hotel.

Yeah, come on, I'll be your guide!

...he doesn't appreciate how hard it is.

| have three people working with me, just to keep up.

Followers expect new content every day.

You know how exhausting it is to feed the demands of two million people every day?

| have to be a storyteller.

And a guy like Henry...

...like Henry... The asshole couldn't do what | do, if he had 100 years to do it.

Well? How do you like it?

Oh! Uhm...

| honestly don't know.

Oh.

No problem.

Yeah, it's no "Looking for Freedom", but it went straight to #1.

What about that... cab. To the... hotel.

If you take me to your room...

It's a lot of pressure, you know.

A lot of... pressure.

You need a banger every few months. A real over-the-top banger.

That will easily bring you up to 30 to 40 million shares...

UNDER RENOVATION

This is our hotel?

You guys won't believe what's happening here.

- Good evening. - Hi.

That was room...

- 306 - 306, right.

And I'll take the keycard for...

- You won't believe what's happening here. - 306 and the keycard for Mr. Hasselhoff.

This is a nightmare.

Holy shit!

| need another drink.

Just a coke for me. | don't drink!

Oh honey, you had more than me, I'm just trying to catch up.

...take compromising photos, maybe a Super 8 with you and a hooker/agent.

Oh, sorry.

..ls that your drink?

| can't believe you're trying the same shit again.

How do you know?

Damn.

Subtitles: digital images, 2022