Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,448 --> 00:00:04,248
Everybody, everybody, listen up.
I need your ideas now.
2
00:00:04,319 --> 00:00:06,753
Ideas, please, right now.
Go, go! Come on!
3
00:00:06,821 --> 00:00:08,448
Michael, we don't know
what you're talking about.
4
00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:10,388
Wet cement outside.
It's drying fast.
5
00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:14,121
Come on, this is a lifelong dream.
What do I write? What do I write?
6
00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,822
Michael, you could put
your initials in it.
7
00:00:15,897 --> 00:00:17,455
M.G.S. No.
8
00:00:17,532 --> 00:00:22,629
Some idiot named Mark Greg Schputnick
will claim credit for it. I don't...
9
00:00:22,704 --> 00:00:24,569
That is true. Once in a
lifetime opportunity, people.
10
00:00:24,639 --> 00:00:25,697
- Come on!
- Well...
11
00:00:25,774 --> 00:00:27,674
Here we go! Yes?
12
00:00:27,742 --> 00:00:29,039
When I was a little girl...
13
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,907
Okay.
14
00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:33,311
Okay, do it! Come on, great!
Let's hear it!
15
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,905
We found some wet cement...
16
00:00:34,983 --> 00:00:37,042
It's drying, it's drying. ...in
the park in our neighborhood...
17
00:00:37,118 --> 00:00:38,176
All right, come on!
18
00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:39,743
Come on, Phyllis!
What did we write?
19
00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:41,379
Oh! Come on!
20
00:00:41,456 --> 00:00:43,447
Here it is. You draw a picture.
No!
21
00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,083
'Cause that says so
much more than words.
22
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,184
No, no!
23
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:47,250
Come on, give me something good!
24
00:00:47,328 --> 00:00:48,420
Okay, I was watching E!
25
00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:50,760
And I saw Will Smith
outside the Chinese Theater,
26
00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:51,958
and, oh, my God,
he looked so good.
27
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:53,193
Pam, translate.
28
00:00:53,268 --> 00:00:55,964
She's talking about the handprints
that celebrities make in the cement.
29
00:00:56,037 --> 00:00:57,095
I love it!
30
00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:58,764
If you were a real star,
you'd put your face in it.
31
00:00:58,840 --> 00:00:59,829
I love it more!
32
00:00:59,908 --> 00:01:00,932
Michael, that
doesn't seem safe...
33
00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:03,204
I love it!
34
00:01:04,646 --> 00:01:05,908
- Come on, let's go!
- Come on!
35
00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:13,385
We are here today not to
immortalize a man, but an idea.
36
00:01:14,556 --> 00:01:16,023
Maybe the idea of a man.
37
00:01:16,091 --> 00:01:17,319
Hurry, please.
38
00:01:17,392 --> 00:01:19,326
Greatness is only skin
deep, some people say.
39
00:01:19,394 --> 00:01:20,827
Can you breathe?
Well, that's not true.
40
00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:21,919
Other people believe
it's deep down inside.
41
00:01:21,996 --> 00:01:23,088
Hold your breath.
42
00:01:23,164 --> 00:01:24,256
And in this case,
that's also not true.
43
00:01:24,332 --> 00:01:26,425
Ready? And...
44
00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:27,559
Go!
45
00:01:27,635 --> 00:01:29,125
Force it in as deep as you can.
46
00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:30,967
That's what she said.
47
00:01:31,039 --> 00:01:34,736
Today's a very special day for me.
And it's really not about me.
48
00:01:34,809 --> 00:01:38,301
It's about my grandkids. It's
about my great-grandkids.
49
00:01:38,746 --> 00:01:41,681
I can come back
here when I'm 100,
50
00:01:41,749 --> 00:01:45,276
and I can find that
piece of cement and say,
51
00:01:45,353 --> 00:01:49,084
"That's me. Look, kids. Your
daddy left that face hole."
52
00:01:50,291 --> 00:01:52,759
I don't know. It's
a good feeling.
53
00:02:14,215 --> 00:02:15,239
Okay.
54
00:02:15,850 --> 00:02:16,908
Adjective.
55
00:02:18,453 --> 00:02:21,149
"Tall." No, no, "Nice."
56
00:02:22,223 --> 00:02:24,817
Good one. Okay. You ready?
57
00:02:24,893 --> 00:02:25,882
Mmm-hmm.
58
00:02:26,461 --> 00:02:30,591
"The tall man entered
the nice building,
59
00:02:30,665 --> 00:02:34,533
"to visit a very nice man.
60
00:02:35,537 --> 00:02:41,442
"'Sit down, Mr. Smith. Can I
interest you in any good cat food?"'
61
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:45,135
It's a man eating cat food!
62
00:02:45,213 --> 00:02:46,976
What about a cat
eating man food?
63
00:02:47,715 --> 00:02:50,115
Andy and Angela seem very happy.
64
00:02:50,185 --> 00:02:53,052
I hope nothing horrible
ever happens to them.
65
00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:03,930
Yeah, I slept over at a
friend's house, and...
66
00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:08,293
I forgot my contact solution, so
I had to wear my back-up glasses.
67
00:03:10,738 --> 00:03:11,727
Shut up.
68
00:03:12,307 --> 00:03:13,968
All right, everybody.
69
00:03:14,108 --> 00:03:18,272
Oh, my God. Pam, those
make you look so ugly.
70
00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:21,540
Pam, in order to get hotter,
you take glasses off.
71
00:03:21,616 --> 00:03:23,584
You're moving in
the wrong direction.
72
00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:25,346
I don't have my contacts...
73
00:03:25,486 --> 00:03:27,283
I can't even hear you.
74
00:03:27,422 --> 00:03:30,050
It's just noise coming
out of an ugly scientist.
75
00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:33,686
Everybody, we're gonna have a
little brainstorming session
76
00:03:33,761 --> 00:03:35,160
in the conference room.
77
00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:36,857
Energize.
78
00:03:37,932 --> 00:03:39,866
You know what would energize me?
79
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,196
If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly...
80
00:03:43,304 --> 00:03:44,328
Don't you, don't you...
81
00:03:44,405 --> 00:03:46,703
If you propose to me during a
Michael meeting, I will say no.
82
00:03:46,774 --> 00:03:49,299
Well, it's too late,
because I'm proposing
83
00:03:49,377 --> 00:03:52,574
that you get me a cup of coffee,
which would energize me greatly
84
00:03:52,647 --> 00:03:54,376
and make me the happiest
man in the world.
85
00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:58,977
Everybody, so how are we
going to energize our office?
86
00:03:59,053 --> 00:04:01,613
I mean, I haven't done
anything since Christmas.
87
00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:05,125
Pam clearly has just
given up trying.
88
00:04:05,193 --> 00:04:07,388
So what we need to do is we
need to get things going.
89
00:04:07,462 --> 00:04:11,728
We need to get percolating a little bit.
Anybody have any ideas what we could do?
90
00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:13,630
Any suggestions? Yes, Andy?
91
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:17,660
What if we changed our outgoing
answering machine message
92
00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:21,607
so it just had a little more
zing and a little more pep?
93
00:04:21,676 --> 00:04:25,009
Zing and pep. Those are the kind of
words we're looking for. Yes, Jim.
94
00:04:25,079 --> 00:04:27,980
What about if we did an
even newer voicemail message
95
00:04:28,049 --> 00:04:29,983
that had even more zing and pep?
96
00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:33,020
Now we're cooking, I like this.
Maybe a whole theme.
97
00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:35,146
Like a rap... A rap rhyme.
An urban thing.
98
00:04:35,223 --> 00:04:38,522
An urban... Yeah, Stanley, you
want to help us out with that?
99
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:39,752
Stanley! Earth to Stanley.
100
00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:40,851
Not me.
101
00:04:40,928 --> 00:04:43,863
Yes, you. Come on, Stanley,
put your little game down
102
00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:45,091
and join the group.
103
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:46,224
No.
104
00:04:46,301 --> 00:04:47,495
Stanley, we're having...
105
00:04:47,568 --> 00:04:48,660
Leave me alone, damn it.
106
00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,397
We're having a
brainstorm session.
107
00:04:50,471 --> 00:04:51,995
Did I stutter?
108
00:04:58,513 --> 00:05:02,005
Good. This is good. I'm going
to grab a glass of water.
109
00:05:08,189 --> 00:05:09,781
Can I talk to you a second?
110
00:05:09,857 --> 00:05:11,256
What?
111
00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:17,160
I really think that you need to address
what happened with Stanley this morning.
112
00:05:17,231 --> 00:05:20,462
What are you blabbering about?
Nothing happened.
113
00:05:20,535 --> 00:05:23,504
Well, you know, Stanley
was openly insubordinate.
114
00:05:23,571 --> 00:05:24,833
That, in the conference room?
115
00:05:24,906 --> 00:05:26,100
Yeah.
116
00:05:26,174 --> 00:05:28,802
We were joshing
around, the two of us.
117
00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:30,741
And he said, "Did I stutter?"
118
00:05:30,812 --> 00:05:34,009
And I said, "What, dawg?"
119
00:05:34,082 --> 00:05:37,245
It was joking, Toby, all right?
120
00:05:37,318 --> 00:05:38,546
He didn't seem
like he was joking.
121
00:05:38,619 --> 00:05:41,383
Well, you don't get it,
because Stanley is a beautiful,
122
00:05:41,456 --> 00:05:43,856
sassy, powerful black man,
123
00:05:43,925 --> 00:05:46,018
and you're you.
124
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:48,722
If you had any friends,
you would understand.
125
00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:52,527
Friends joke with one another.
"Hey, you're poor."
126
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,900
"Well, hey, your mama's
dead." That's what friends do.
127
00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:59,166
It's... You're so white.
128
00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:02,740
All right. Well...
129
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:06,268
If you really believe
that Stanley was joking...
130
00:06:06,347 --> 00:06:07,336
Mmm-hmm.
131
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,909
Why don't we go ask him now?
132
00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:10,951
Okay, I will.
133
00:06:11,018 --> 00:06:12,883
I'm not feeling very
well right now, though.
134
00:06:12,954 --> 00:06:16,355
My stomach hurts, so I may
be going home early today.
135
00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:19,853
You know, Michael, sometimes
my daughter's stomach hurts
136
00:06:19,927 --> 00:06:21,360
when there's a mean
girl at school.
137
00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:26,128
Well, sometimes my stomach hurts
when you come into my office.
138
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,532
So it's probably psychological.
139
00:06:31,506 --> 00:06:35,465
You meet a lot of ladies driving an
Xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight
140
00:06:35,543 --> 00:06:40,105
and look over, and there's an Xterra next
to you, they're always driven by chicks.
141
00:06:40,181 --> 00:06:41,671
So there's your icebreaker.
142
00:06:43,551 --> 00:06:44,575
Scratch!
143
00:06:44,652 --> 00:06:46,142
That's a racing stripe.
144
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:47,812
Bumper's sagging.
145
00:06:47,889 --> 00:06:49,584
Hmm. I doubt that very much.
146
00:06:49,657 --> 00:06:52,820
This car is crap. I will
buy it for next to nothing.
147
00:06:52,894 --> 00:06:53,918
How next to?
148
00:06:53,995 --> 00:06:55,121
Well, here are your options.
149
00:06:55,196 --> 00:06:58,324
You can sell it for parts,
drive it off a cliff,
150
00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:03,799
you can donate it to a person that
you'd like to see die in a car crash, or
151
00:07:03,871 --> 00:07:06,999
you can sell it to me and I'll use
it as I would a wagon on my farm.
152
00:07:07,074 --> 00:07:09,338
It will be towed by a donkey.
153
00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:11,275
I have to pick one of those?
Yes.
154
00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:12,437
Can you go over
those options again?
155
00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:13,639
You know what?
156
00:07:13,714 --> 00:07:17,980
You knock $1,500 off the price right
now and I will take it off your hands.
157
00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:19,349
It's gotta be now.
158
00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:20,478
Well, I had the
Blue Book value...
159
00:07:20,555 --> 00:07:21,783
Seal the deal. Let's do it.
160
00:07:21,856 --> 00:07:24,882
Let's do this thing.
Three, two, one.
161
00:07:25,026 --> 00:07:26,425
Can I think about it?
162
00:07:26,494 --> 00:07:27,859
Five, four, three, two, now.
163
00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,226
Let me think about it.
164
00:07:29,297 --> 00:07:30,992
Now. Now. Say it. Do it now.
165
00:07:31,132 --> 00:07:32,121
Thinking about it. Thinking.
166
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,224
Do it now! Do it. Shake my hand.
167
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:35,565
You will sell me this car.
Shake my hand.
168
00:07:35,636 --> 00:07:37,228
Yeah, all right!
169
00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:43,200
What?
170
00:07:43,277 --> 00:07:46,542
I see that you gave me that form
171
00:07:46,647 --> 00:07:49,377
that I asked you to give
me, Stanley the manly.
172
00:07:49,450 --> 00:07:52,476
So thank you for that.
I guess we are back to normal.
173
00:07:52,553 --> 00:07:54,384
What are you talking about?
174
00:07:54,455 --> 00:07:59,620
Well, you know, the thing that you
said earlier that you didn't mean.
175
00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:04,222
And that I forgive you for. The
whole thing's silly, isn't it?
176
00:08:04,298 --> 00:08:07,734
Friends don't need to apologize to
friends, as far as I'm concerned.
177
00:08:07,802 --> 00:08:08,928
So we are cool.
178
00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,403
I am not going to
apologize to you.
179
00:08:11,606 --> 00:08:13,870
It's like I used
to tell my wife.
180
00:08:13,941 --> 00:08:18,674
"I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong,
and if you don't like it, you can leave."
181
00:08:18,746 --> 00:08:23,615
And I say the same thing to my current
wife, and I'll say it to my next one, too.
182
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,513
Jim is in charge of Stanley
only in sales-related matters.
183
00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:29,021
Hence the green line.
Green for money.
184
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:31,888
Sales, get it? There
is this yellow zigzag
185
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:34,484
that does give Ryan the
authority to discipline Stanley.
186
00:08:34,562 --> 00:08:35,551
Great.
187
00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:36,790
However, in so doing,
188
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:40,800
it zigs past your name, hence zagging
you and making you appear weak.
189
00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:44,131
Thus the yellow color.
Yellow for cowardly.
190
00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:45,570
What's the pink?
191
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,732
Menstrual cycles.
192
00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:48,501
Okay.
193
00:08:48,843 --> 00:08:53,542
Is there anybody up here, anybody
at all, that can deal with this
194
00:08:53,614 --> 00:08:55,047
other than me... You.
195
00:08:55,182 --> 00:09:00,552
Well, there is the emergency
disaster mode for the org chart.
196
00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:06,253
This gives me full authority over
every single person in the office.
197
00:09:06,327 --> 00:09:07,453
I never said you could do that.
198
00:09:07,528 --> 00:09:08,995
All you have to do is say it.
199
00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:10,325
Okay, I'll think about it.
200
00:09:10,398 --> 00:09:11,888
Say it. Just do it.
201
00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:17,199
Don't think, say it. Do it.
Five, four, three, two...
202
00:09:17,271 --> 00:09:20,707
Do it. Give me control, Michael.
203
00:09:24,145 --> 00:09:28,411
I promise to give authority back
to you when this crisis is over.
204
00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:30,040
Do it, Michael.
205
00:09:31,452 --> 00:09:32,817
Do it. Hey.
206
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:36,353
This office needs a strongman.
207
00:09:37,325 --> 00:09:38,553
Say it.
208
00:09:40,528 --> 00:09:41,893
No. So...
209
00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:47,328
All right, well then, you're gonna
have to deal with this yourself.
210
00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:56,840
Hey, Pam. I really
like your glasses.
211
00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:58,435
Oh, thanks.
212
00:09:58,512 --> 00:10:02,107
All the girlfriends that I've
ever had have worn glasses.
213
00:10:02,183 --> 00:10:03,980
Oh, okay.
214
00:10:04,051 --> 00:10:06,042
Yeah, it's kind of a
turn-on for me, actually.
215
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,109
I should probably get back to...
216
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,212
Like librarians.
217
00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:09,620
...entering the...
218
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,385
Could you just say,
219
00:10:11,459 --> 00:10:13,188
"These are due back Thursday"?
220
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,284
No.
221
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:30,771
Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.
Okay, go ahead.
222
00:10:34,181 --> 00:10:35,978
A lot of jazz cats are blind,
223
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:39,348
but they can play the piano
like nobody's business.
224
00:10:39,787 --> 00:10:44,781
I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam
without her glasses and see what happens.
225
00:10:45,159 --> 00:10:46,888
I'd also like to
see her topless.
226
00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:52,726
Mike. Hey.
227
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:54,629
I'm very busy here, man.
Darryl...
228
00:10:56,704 --> 00:10:58,262
Have you ever been in a gang?
229
00:10:58,339 --> 00:10:59,431
Why?
230
00:10:59,507 --> 00:11:02,135
It's an advice question, and
231
00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:05,770
if you don't want to talk about it,
I completely understand. It's...
232
00:11:05,846 --> 00:11:07,711
No, no, no. I know it's
very, very personal.
233
00:11:07,782 --> 00:11:08,908
No...
234
00:11:10,918 --> 00:11:11,907
I have.
235
00:11:11,986 --> 00:11:14,318
I knew it. Okay.
236
00:11:14,388 --> 00:11:16,117
Who are we talking about here?
237
00:11:16,257 --> 00:11:17,918
Crips, Bloods? Both.
238
00:11:17,992 --> 00:11:18,981
God.
239
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,290
Yeah, them and the Latin Kings.
240
00:11:21,362 --> 00:11:24,263
The Warriors, Newsies. Okay.
241
00:11:24,331 --> 00:11:26,299
Okay, so dig this.
242
00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:30,837
You're on the street and
one of your gang disses you.
243
00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:32,770
Oh, my goodness. Yeah, right.
244
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,206
So what do you do to get
him to make it right?
245
00:11:35,276 --> 00:11:40,771
Well, see, in the gang world, we use
something called "Fluffy fingers."
246
00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:43,274
What is that?
247
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:45,978
That's where if somebody
really gets in your face,
248
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,544
you know, you just
start tickling them.
249
00:11:51,325 --> 00:11:52,690
Really? Yeah.
250
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,591
And he starts tickling you.
251
00:11:54,662 --> 00:11:57,324
You know, pretty soon
you're laughing and hugging.
252
00:11:57,398 --> 00:11:59,628
Before you know it, you've
forgotten the whole thing.
253
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:03,466
Y'all can just go to church
together and get an ice cream cone.
254
00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:06,062
I would have never thought that
255
00:12:07,374 --> 00:12:09,205
gangs would be
tickling each other.
256
00:12:09,276 --> 00:12:11,176
Well, it's effective.
257
00:12:21,155 --> 00:12:25,524
I think it's self-explanatory. Hey, Jim!
Come here for a second.
258
00:12:25,593 --> 00:12:28,027
Can you answer me something
as a true Eagles fan?
259
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,756
Oh, boy.
260
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,923
How do you live with
a franchise this bad?
261
00:12:31,999 --> 00:12:33,694
On a wing and a prayer, mostly.
262
00:12:33,768 --> 00:12:35,565
All right, whatever you say.
263
00:12:35,636 --> 00:12:37,467
Listen, while I have
you here with Toby,
264
00:12:37,571 --> 00:12:40,506
I need to give you a formal
warning about your job performance.
265
00:12:40,608 --> 00:12:42,235
A formal warning?
266
00:12:42,977 --> 00:12:46,344
It's actually not a joke. I know
how you spend your time here.
267
00:12:46,413 --> 00:12:48,574
I know how little you
care about your job.
268
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:50,810
And honestly, if you
spent as much time selling
269
00:12:50,885 --> 00:12:53,718
as you do goofing around with
Dwight and hanging out at reception,
270
00:12:53,788 --> 00:12:56,518
we wouldn't be having
this conversation.
271
00:12:56,991 --> 00:13:00,119
I'm sorry, is this because I talked
to Wallace about your website?
272
00:13:00,194 --> 00:13:02,321
Because I really didn't
mean to go over your head.
273
00:13:02,396 --> 00:13:04,728
This has nothing to do
with that, all right?
274
00:13:04,832 --> 00:13:08,063
I always appreciate constructive
criticism about my job performance.
275
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,659
I thrive on it.
276
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,128
I'm sorry, then do you mind
explaining it a little better?
277
00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:13,332
'Cause I'm not sure
what's really...
278
00:13:13,407 --> 00:13:15,272
Whoa. Don't get all
defensive, all right?
279
00:13:15,342 --> 00:13:16,969
It's just a warning.
280
00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:20,571
If you want the details, Toby can provide
them. You take it easy, all right?
281
00:13:20,815 --> 00:13:24,251
I'd say all the goofing
around at Pam's desk
282
00:13:24,318 --> 00:13:27,754
and hanging out with Pam has
finally caught up to him.
283
00:13:28,722 --> 00:13:30,485
You know, with Pam.
284
00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:37,156
Hey, what happened?
What did Ryan want?
285
00:13:37,231 --> 00:13:38,698
Oh, we were just
286
00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:41,360
talking about
bureaucratic stuff.
287
00:13:41,435 --> 00:13:42,925
Because you're very important.
288
00:13:43,003 --> 00:13:44,027
Yeah.
289
00:13:53,347 --> 00:13:56,578
Oh, what's Dwight up to?
Oh, probably nothing.
290
00:14:01,722 --> 00:14:04,088
What the hell is this all about?
291
00:14:05,693 --> 00:14:07,456
You're flipping
my car for profit.
292
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:09,086
It's my car now.
293
00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:13,725
I gave you a deal based
on what you said to me.
294
00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:18,170
Yeah, well, seller beware.
Now if you'll excuse me,
295
00:14:18,239 --> 00:14:22,175
I've got to monitor a three-way
bidding war for my car on eBay.
296
00:14:23,544 --> 00:14:25,944
I've got a Mad Lib for you.
297
00:14:26,013 --> 00:14:30,006
"A stupid, idiotic numbskull
298
00:14:30,084 --> 00:14:34,077
"named Andy Bernard
sold his Xterra
299
00:14:34,154 --> 00:14:38,181
"to a smart and capable
man named Dwight.
300
00:14:38,259 --> 00:14:41,854
"This is shaping up to be
an awesome day for Dwight."
301
00:14:54,708 --> 00:15:00,340
Okay, everybody. Shh. Listen up.
Earlier today, Stanley sassed me,
302
00:15:00,414 --> 00:15:03,679
and Toby gave me some suggestions
on how to discipline him.
303
00:15:03,751 --> 00:15:06,549
They did not work, obviously,
because they were stupid.
304
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:10,317
So I am now going
to fake fire him.
305
00:15:11,158 --> 00:15:12,182
What does that mean?
306
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,250
It's like a mock execution.
307
00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:16,352
That's not a good idea.
Yes, it is a good idea.
308
00:15:16,430 --> 00:15:18,591
It's the only possible
solution I have left.
309
00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:19,997
Well, you can actually fire him.
310
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,159
No...
311
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,258
I've had enough of you.
312
00:15:23,337 --> 00:15:24,599
Why are you telling us this?
313
00:15:24,672 --> 00:15:28,438
Because I want you to behave as if
I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay?
314
00:15:28,509 --> 00:15:30,977
Michael, if you
hadn't told us this,
315
00:15:31,045 --> 00:15:33,707
then we would've thought that
you were actually firing him.
316
00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:38,377
I'm not firing him! I will need
you to act like I am firing him.
317
00:15:38,452 --> 00:15:42,752
Just... What I'm going to do is I'm
going to pretend that I'm firing him.
318
00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:46,053
And I need you to act like I am firing him.
Do you get that?
319
00:15:46,226 --> 00:15:47,955
Do you get it? I'm
teaching him a lesson.
320
00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:50,928
He needs to learn humility, all right?
That's all I'm...
321
00:15:51,031 --> 00:15:53,864
Okay, here he comes.
Let's just play-act.
322
00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:59,034
Stanley, may I talk
to you for a second?
323
00:16:05,412 --> 00:16:08,575
Stanley Hudson, you are fired.
324
00:16:15,889 --> 00:16:17,447
Are you serious?
325
00:16:17,992 --> 00:16:20,460
I am serious. We
are all serious.
326
00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:23,524
You are fired like
a heart attack.
327
00:16:23,597 --> 00:16:26,964
You're firing me
over three words?
328
00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:29,093
Yes. Have you lost your mind?
329
00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:32,468
Do you think I'm gonna
let you do this to me?
330
00:16:32,539 --> 00:16:35,372
I've watched you screw up
this office for 10 years,
331
00:16:35,442 --> 00:16:38,605
and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm gonna
tell them about every stupid thing
332
00:16:38,679 --> 00:16:40,010
you've ever done
up in this office.
333
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,240
All right, okay.
334
00:16:41,315 --> 00:16:43,977
You know what? Now
you know how I feel.
335
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:46,842
This was a fake firing.
336
00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:51,387
Lesson learned. Good work, everybody.
Very nice.
337
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:52,789
So I'm not fired.
338
00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:54,987
That's it.
339
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:57,189
And...
340
00:16:57,264 --> 00:16:58,731
Do you have anything
to say to me?
341
00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:00,790
Ooh, yes, I do.
342
00:17:01,935 --> 00:17:05,200
You are out of your damn
little pea-sized mind.
343
00:17:05,272 --> 00:17:09,868
What is wrong with you? Do
you have any sense at all?
344
00:17:09,943 --> 00:17:12,605
Do you have any idea
how to run an office?
345
00:17:12,679 --> 00:17:16,012
Every day you do something stupider
than you did the day before.
346
00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:19,416
And I think, "There's no
possible way he can top that."
347
00:17:19,486 --> 00:17:22,683
But what do you do? You find
a way, damn it, to top it.
348
00:17:22,756 --> 00:17:24,121
You are a professional idiot...
349
00:17:24,191 --> 00:17:25,852
Hey, stop it!
350
00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:28,761
Okay, everybody out.
351
00:17:28,829 --> 00:17:30,660
Who? Yeah, everybody
except Stanley.
352
00:17:39,139 --> 00:17:40,163
Let's go.
353
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,935
I can't find my glasses.
Okay, you know what?
354
00:17:42,009 --> 00:17:45,240
Why don't you take my hand and leave
them, and let's get out of here.
355
00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:46,711
Okay, okay.
356
00:17:50,484 --> 00:17:54,944
It's Michael versus Stanley, and
it is the clash of the titans.
357
00:17:55,022 --> 00:17:59,015
In one corner, you have
Michael, and he is mad.
358
00:17:59,093 --> 00:18:02,859
And then in the other corner,
you have Stanley, and he's mad.
359
00:18:04,198 --> 00:18:05,961
So that's about it.
360
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:28,211
I don't understand why
you keep picking on me.
361
00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:29,277
Oh, for the love of God.
362
00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:30,618
You just
363
00:18:30,691 --> 00:18:35,253
do, and I don't know why, so
please help me understand.
364
00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:41,029
Fine. Here it is. You are
a person I do not respect.
365
00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:44,298
The things you say, your
actions, your methods and style,
366
00:18:44,371 --> 00:18:47,932
everything you would do,
I would do it the opposite way.
367
00:18:51,812 --> 00:18:53,473
Well, Stanley,
368
00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:56,243
maybe you are feeling
that you don't respect me
369
00:18:56,316 --> 00:18:58,443
because you don't
know me very well.
370
00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:01,249
Michael, I've known
you a very long time,
371
00:19:01,421 --> 00:19:05,517
and the more I've gotten to know you,
the less I've come to respect you.
372
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,193
Any other theories?
373
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,833
All right, you don't respect me.
374
00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:19,438
I accept that.
375
00:19:21,008 --> 00:19:22,600
But listen to me.
376
00:19:22,676 --> 00:19:27,978
You can't talk to me that way in this
office, you just can't. I am your boss.
377
00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:31,675
Can't allow it.
378
00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:32,776
Fair enough.
379
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:45,460
I am a good person, and sometimes
good people don't get no respect.
380
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:46,965
Rodney Dangerfield.
381
00:19:48,435 --> 00:19:52,030
"Hey, I don't get no respect.
No respect at all.
382
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:56,306
"When I was in the sandbox
as a kid, I got no respect.
383
00:19:57,644 --> 00:20:00,078
"My wife likes to
talk after sex.
384
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:04,106
"So she called me from a hotel
room, said, 'I don't respect you.'
385
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:06,985
"Thoughtless.
386
00:20:08,956 --> 00:20:12,619
"You know what don't get no respect?
Airplane food.
387
00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:17,024
"Why don't they just make the
plane out of the airline food?
388
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:24,894
"My wife don't get no respect. So...
Take her, please, for example.
389
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:30,473
"If you don't get no respect,
you might be a redneck."
390
00:20:31,945 --> 00:20:35,574
"Respect is nice." Borat.
391
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:43,249
"What's the deal with Grape-Nuts?
No grapes, no nuts.
392
00:20:44,925 --> 00:20:46,586
"I don't get no respect."
393
00:20:48,695 --> 00:20:52,859
So I'm thinking as a reward
for our loyal clients
394
00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:57,302
that we contact their assistants
and we find out where they live,
395
00:20:57,371 --> 00:21:02,468
and then, we go to their houses in
the middle of summer and go caroling.
396
00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:09,175
It is a summer Christmas sale-e-bration,
and we'll call it, "A summer sales-a-lot."
397
00:21:10,751 --> 00:21:12,878
Feedback, anybody? Stanley?
398
00:21:14,154 --> 00:21:16,918
Has potential to be
your best idea yet.
399
00:21:18,825 --> 00:21:20,292
That's the dumbest
thing I ever heard.
400
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:21,918
Damn it, Phyllis.
401
00:21:21,995 --> 00:21:24,293
All right, everybody
out except Phyllis.
31089
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof