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1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,860
Good morning, Pam.
2
00:00:04,930 --> 00:00:06,730
Oh, welcome back, Andy.
3
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,100
Drew. I'm Drew now.
4
00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:11,830
Oh, Drew. Sorry.
5
00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:14,330
Apology not accepted.
6
00:00:15,510 --> 00:00:18,970
Because it wasn't even
necessary in the first place.
7
00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:23,140
Several weeks ago,
Andy Bernard had
an incident.
8
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,850
But after five weeks
in anger management,
9
00:00:29,020 --> 00:00:33,050
I'm back, and I've got
a new attitude and a new name
10
00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:36,500
and a bunch of
new techniques
11
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,160
for dealing
with the grumpies.
12
00:00:38,230 --> 00:00:39,830
Morning, Jim.
13
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,130
Hey, Andy.
How are you, man?
14
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,640
Good. Drew.
15
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,760
What's that?
16
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,470
You can call me Drew.
17
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,370
No, I'm not gonna
call you that.
18
00:00:48,910 --> 00:00:50,210
Cool.
19
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:54,080
I can't control what you do.
I can only control what I do.
20
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:55,170
Andy.
21
00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:56,310
Drew.
22
00:00:58,520 --> 00:00:59,850
Dwight.
23
00:01:01,420 --> 00:01:02,950
How's it going, man?
24
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:08,090
Yes. I have decided
to shun Andy Bernard
for the next three years.
25
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,030
Which I'm looking forward to.
26
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,000
It's an Amish technique.
27
00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:14,260
It's like slapping
someone with silence.
28
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,140
I was shunned
from the age of four
until my sixth birthday
29
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:19,870
for not saving the excess oil
from a can of tuna.
30
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,010
Jim,
could you please
inform Andy Bernard
31
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,880
that he is being shunned?
32
00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:28,880
Andy,
Dwight says welcome back
and that he could use a hug.
33
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,250
Okay. Tell him
that that's not true.
34
00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:32,910
Dwight says that
he actually doesn't know
35
00:01:32,990 --> 00:01:34,510
one single fact
about bear attacks.
36
00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:35,580
Okay. No, Jim.
You guys.
37
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:39,290
Tell him
that bears can climb
faster than they can run.
38
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,300
Jim, tell him!
39
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:44,030
Andy... No, it's too far.
40
00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:45,690
Damn you.
41
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,950
Today is
safety training day.
42
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,690
Toby is leading
ours upstairs.
43
00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:17,260
But I am giving everyone
a little bit of a treat.
44
00:02:17,330 --> 00:02:20,530
We are going to listen in
on Darryl's presentation
at the warehouse.
45
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,660
And if I know Darryl,
it gonna be zoppity.
46
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,470
Now,
47
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,430
this is the forklift.
48
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,410
You need a license
to operate this machine.
49
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,750
That means
the upstairs office
workers can't drive it.
50
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:37,620
Quiz. Mike.
51
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,150
Should you
drive the forklift?
52
00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,280
I can and I have.
53
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,090
No, no, no!
I said, "Should you?"
54
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,720
You should not drive it.
55
00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:45,420
You should not
drive the forklift.
56
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,190
You understand?
You're not allowed
to drive the forklift.
57
00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:48,860
It's not safe.
You don't have a license.
58
00:02:48,930 --> 00:02:51,560
Guys, I'm not the only one
who's driven the forklift.
59
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:52,860
Pudge has
driven the forklift.
60
00:02:52,930 --> 00:02:54,270
Madge.
61
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,670
I thought your name
was Pudge.
62
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,640
No.
It's always been Madge.
63
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:58,940
Okay.
64
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,300
Her.
65
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:05,040
Her? Yes, "Her" is qualified
to work a dangerous machine.
You are not.
66
00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,810
Okay?
Fine.
67
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,910
Do you understand that?
Yes.
68
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:14,080
We do safety
training every year
or after an accident.
69
00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:16,710
We've never made it
a full year.
70
00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:18,820
This particular time,
I was reaching
71
00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:21,020
for a supply box
on the top shelf
72
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:25,370
when one office worker,
who shall remain nameless,
73
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,430
kicked the ladder out
from under me and yelled...
74
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,370
Hey, Darryl,
how's it hanging?
75
00:03:32,270 --> 00:03:34,900
And I fell and
busted my ankle and...
76
00:03:34,980 --> 00:03:37,500
I'm legitimately
scared for my workers.
77
00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:40,950
The baler can
flatten a car engine.
78
00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,410
It can cut off
your arm and crush
79
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:46,150
your entire body
without skipping a beat.
80
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:47,310
Yeah!
81
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:50,990
How many people a year
do you think get their arms
82
00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:52,620
cut off in a baler?
83
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,090
Bale 'er?
I hardly know her.
84
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,690
Damn it, Michael,
pay attention, man.
85
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,560
Anybody want
to take a guess?
86
00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:59,260
Five bucks says
it's over fifty.
87
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:00,830
You really want to bet?
Anybody?
88
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:03,530
Ever since March Madness
ended, I am so bored.
89
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,160
How many?
Okay. You're on.
90
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,070
Ten people. Michael.
91
00:04:07,140 --> 00:04:08,370
Ten people.
92
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,070
Would you like
to be one of them?
93
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,940
No, don't worry about it.
We'll just go double
or nothing.
94
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,140
On what?
95
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,310
I don't know.
I'll figure something out.
96
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:15,680
Nice.
What are you guys
talking about?
97
00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:17,850
These are very
dangerous machines
98
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,350
down here and
the upstairs workers...
99
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:21,820
Michael?
100
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,830
...should not go
anywhere near them.
101
00:04:23,890 --> 00:04:25,120
Yes. Yes.
102
00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:26,890
But it wouldn't be
the worst thing
in the world...
103
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,860
It would be the worst thing
in the world. It would.
104
00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:30,300
What the hell is
wrong with this man?
Very much so.
105
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,770
It's a big red
trash compactor.
106
00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:33,170
It's not a trash compactor!
107
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,170
It's very dangerous, okay.
108
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,430
Don't disrespect a baler,
Mike.
109
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,530
All right, all right,
I got it! I got it!
110
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,130
Only on the rarest of
occasions would I go near...
111
00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:41,340
No, you don't touch it!
There is no occasion
112
00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:43,470
for you to go near
this stuff, okay?
113
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,950
Toby now has the floor
114
00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:48,750
and he is going to
try not to screw this up
115
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:50,910
like everything
else in his life.
116
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,010
Let me rephrase that.
117
00:04:53,090 --> 00:04:55,520
I believe that you
can do safety training
118
00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:58,080
and make it sound
just as good as Darryl.
119
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,220
Here we go!
120
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,430
Okay, one thing
you're going to want to
121
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,300
look out for is
carpal tunnel syndrome.
122
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:07,460
It's recommended that
you take a 10-minute
break
123
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,230
from typing every hour.
124
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,540
For your circulation,
you're going to
125
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:13,200
want to get up
out of your chairs
126
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,470
and move around for
about 10 minutes every hour.
127
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:19,450
Yes. Good. Fine.
Like stretching and...
128
00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:23,420
Yeah, your computer screen
can be a big strain on
your eyes,
129
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:28,220
so it's also recommended that
you step away for about
10 minutes every hour.
130
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:30,690
Wow? That is...
That time really adds up.
131
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,960
That's like a half an hour,
every hour?
132
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:35,190
Take them at the same time.
133
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:37,730
Okay. You know what?
You're making it
sound kind of lame.
134
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,790
So skip ahead to
the really dangerous stuff.
135
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,100
Like sometimes computers
can explode, can they not?
136
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:46,770
No. No.
137
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:50,710
You always want to
keep a sweater or cardigan
138
00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:52,710
of some sort
in case it gets drafty.
139
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:53,810
What about
a long-sleeved tee?
140
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:54,870
That will work.
141
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:56,820
Long johns?
A shawl?
142
00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:58,420
You know,
anything that warms you.
143
00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:00,350
Okay, you know what,
I think that everybody
144
00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:02,190
is going to vomit
due to boredom.
145
00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:04,420
Sorry. He is very lame.
146
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,690
Let's see.
147
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,360
Seasonal affective disorder.
148
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,330
A depression that
includes weight gain,
149
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,960
fatigue, irritability,
brought on by
the low light of winter.
150
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,200
Thank God we only had
a baler to deal with.
151
00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:19,870
Yeah, that dim light
is a bitch, ain't it?
152
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,140
Okay. Guys, you know what?
153
00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:24,110
I didn't interrupt when you
were having your presentation.
154
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:25,880
Actually, you did.
155
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,210
Yes.
156
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,680
Okay. Let's do another one.
157
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:30,950
This is a good one.
158
00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:33,890
A particular concern for
office workers
159
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,190
is a sedimentary lifestyle
which can contribute...
160
00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:38,730
Sedentary.
161
00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:42,760
Yes. Which can
contribute to heart disease.
162
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,090
Heart disease kills
more people than balers.
163
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,670
That's called having
a fat butt, Michael.
164
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,470
No. No, it's sedentary.
165
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,230
Yeah,
that's fat butt disease.
166
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:53,470
That's what you suffer from?
167
00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:55,070
You have fat butt disease,
Michael?
168
00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:57,170
Excuse me,
sea monster, you weigh
like a thousand pounds.
169
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,300
Yeah?
Yeah.
170
00:06:58,380 --> 00:07:00,280
I bet you'd like to swim
with this sea monster,
wouldn't you?
171
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:01,410
Ryan!
172
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,750
Dude, please tell
your girl to shut up.
173
00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:03,790
What?
174
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:05,320
Kelly, you've insulted
the gentleman.
175
00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,360
Please apologize.
176
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:07,350
Are you kidding me?
177
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:08,480
All right,
we out of here.
178
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,680
Darryl, I did not walk out
in the middle of yours, so...
179
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,560
Yeah, but ours was real,
Michael.
180
00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:13,620
Yes.
181
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,160
That's what we've been
trying to tell you, Mike.
182
00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:16,820
It's serious down there.
183
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:20,840
We do dangerous stuff, man.
This is shenanigans,
foolishness.
184
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,470
Nerf ball.
185
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:25,400
You live a sweet
little nerfy life
186
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:27,530
sitting on your biscuit
187
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:29,310
never having to risk it.
188
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:32,670
Okay.
189
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:39,520
What?
So, Nerf isn't cool anymore?
190
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:42,960
Darryl thinks
he's such a man because
he works in a warehouse.
191
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:44,190
Well, big deal!
192
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:47,320
I worked in a warehouse.
Men's Wearhouse.
193
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:49,320
I was a greeter.
194
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,630
I'd like to see
Darryl greet people.
195
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,230
He'd probably make
them feel like wimps.
196
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,700
Not me, I...
197
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,600
Hello, I'm Michael.
Welcome to Men's Wearhouse.
198
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,040
We have a special
on khaki pants today.
199
00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:06,870
This is one example.
200
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:11,210
Ten.
201
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,720
Really? Ten?
That's your guess?
202
00:08:13,790 --> 00:08:15,090
You're
a professional accountant.
203
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,820
There's, like,
10 green ones.
204
00:08:16,890 --> 00:08:17,920
Forty-two.
205
00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:19,020
I'm going to say 50.
206
00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:20,720
51.
Don't be that person.
207
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,490
Oh, come on. That is lame.
It's a strategy.
208
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,530
It's called being smart.
Thank you.
209
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,620
Oh, jeez.
210
00:08:26,770 --> 00:08:28,900
I don't know how the whole
betting thing started,
211
00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:30,300
but it's fun.
212
00:08:30,370 --> 00:08:31,470
Ten.
Ten's out.
213
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:33,700
Damn it!
Forty-seven, 48,
214
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,680
forty-nine. Jim wins.
215
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:36,800
That is not fair.
216
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,970
He has spent hours up here
at reception with you.
217
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:42,310
Hours and hours.
218
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:43,750
Okay. Okay.
219
00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,120
No, constantly.
Like for years.
220
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:46,180
Okay.
221
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:49,380
Pam, depression is
as scary as a baler,
right?
222
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,250
I don't
understand the question.
223
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:55,820
Working in an office
can lead to depression,
which can lead to suicide.
224
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,530
I mean this is
really serious stuff.
225
00:08:59,770 --> 00:09:00,930
Yeah.
226
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:04,230
Nobody commits suicide
because they work with
a baler.
227
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:06,570
And yet those guys
are making fun of me,
228
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:07,870
calling me a Nerf.
229
00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:08,910
That...
230
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:11,280
It's really hard to
demonstrate depression.
231
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,180
Their safety training
had visuals.
232
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,510
Yeah.
233
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,950
You are so right.
234
00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:22,790
They have visual aids
and all we had were the facts.
235
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,880
You don't go to
the science museum
236
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,050
and get handed
a pamphlet on electricity.
237
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,460
You go to the science museum
and you put your hand on
a metal ball
238
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,560
and your hair
sticks up straight.
239
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,160
And you know science.
240
00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:38,460
So, you're okay?
241
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:39,940
Indubitably.
242
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,140
They used props,
they used visual aids
243
00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:47,510
and they just made
us look like dopes.
244
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:50,310
Idiots!
God, what are we going to do?
245
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,790
I don't know. I don't know.
246
00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:54,050
Because you know
what our killer is?
247
00:09:54,290 --> 00:09:56,380
Depression.
Wolves.
248
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:57,820
Depression.
249
00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,860
Visual aids.
Yes.
250
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:02,120
A quilt. A depression quilt.
251
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,000
No time to sew a quilt.
252
00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:08,230
I got it.
253
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,200
Get me the number for
the Giant Big Box Toy Store.
254
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,710
You may be asking yourself
255
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,840
what am I doing
on a trampoline?
256
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:22,610
Well, I thought I'd
bounce here for a while,
257
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,480
relieve some stress
and then move on with my day.
258
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,750
Not. Here's a plan.
259
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:29,380
Dwight is going to gather
260
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:33,020
all of the office workers
and all of the warehouse guys
261
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,390
and we're going to have
another safety seminar.
262
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,230
Only this time,
where's Michael?
263
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,730
Oh, my God,
he is on the roof.
264
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,630
And now I have
got their attention.
265
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:45,730
I tell them about
the cold hard facts
of depression.
266
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,970
And then I say, "Hey,
you ever seen a suicide?"
267
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,170
And I jump.
268
00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,650
And they freak out.
And they get to see
269
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:57,810
the dangers of depression
with their own eyes.
270
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,220
Nice side note,
they might think,
271
00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,050
"Hey, I should have
been nicer to Michael."
272
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,350
But that's not
why I'm doing this.
273
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,950
Then I land on the trampoline,
274
00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:07,520
take a couple
extra bounces for fun.
275
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,690
I climb off,
walk around the corner,
276
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,490
ta-freaking-da.
277
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,860
So then
the next movie moves
to the top of the queue.
278
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,230
So number five
becomes number four,
279
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,670
number six
becomes number five,
280
00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:19,210
number three
becomes number two,
etcetera, etcetera.
281
00:11:19,270 --> 00:11:20,740
And let's just say
that I just sent back
282
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:22,570
Love Actually,
which was awesome.
283
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,340
And they sent
me Uptown Girls,
which is also awesome.
284
00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:27,910
But guess what,
now I want to see
Love Actually again,
285
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,250
but it's at
the bottom of the queue.
286
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,910
Oh, no, what do I do?
287
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:32,280
What I do is this.
288
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,080
I go online,
I go click, click, click
289
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,650
and I change
the order of the queue,
290
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,090
so that I can
see Love Actually
as soon as I want to.
291
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,090
It's so easy, Ryan.
292
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,130
Do you really not
know how Netflix works?
293
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,260
I guess I forgot.
294
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,970
You're such a ditz.
295
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:51,670
Ryan, well done.
Two minutes, 42 seconds.
296
00:11:51,740 --> 00:11:53,670
Additionally, Pam,
you win $10
297
00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:55,730
because she said
"awesome" 12 times.
298
00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:59,680
And Jim, you win $5
because she mentioned
six romantic comedies.
299
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:02,940
Okay, let's do this thing!
I'll go summon the troops!
300
00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:05,280
Maybe we should
test this first.
301
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,150
Letterman style.
Throw a TV over or...
302
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,620
We measured it once.
303
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,420
Go buy some watermelons.
304
00:12:13,490 --> 00:12:15,190
Seedless?
305
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,860
Just...
306
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,970
Creed is eating an apple.
307
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:26,870
I found a potato.
308
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:29,500
Hey, Creed.
309
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:30,770
Hey.
310
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:40,380
Yes!
311
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,510
Here you go.
312
00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:42,780
What?
313
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:43,880
Nice!
314
00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:47,900
I don't know
this place as well
as I thought I did.
315
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,830
I'm getting cleaned out.
316
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:50,990
Ready?
317
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,660
Let's do it.
Drop that sucker.
318
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,200
Yeah! Bingo!
319
00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:01,730
Deactivate the car alarm,
clean up the mess.
320
00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:02,780
Okay.
321
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,710
Find out whose car that is.
322
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:07,270
If it's Stanley's,
call the offices
of James P. Albini,
323
00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:08,440
see if he handles
hate crimes.
324
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,480
Got it.
325
00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:11,250
Also, take apart
the trampoline.
Stick it in the baler.
326
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,650
We're not allowed
to use the baler.
327
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,320
Have Padge do it
or the sea monster.
328
00:13:15,390 --> 00:13:16,480
I'm on it.
329
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:22,490
I'm temporarily
lifting the shun.
330
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:23,620
Thank you.
331
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,890
It means nothing.
I need you to do
something for me.
332
00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:27,090
Anything.
333
00:13:27,170 --> 00:13:28,260
Okay, calm down.
334
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:32,430
I need you to acquire
an inflatable house
and/or castle.
335
00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:33,970
You mean a Moonbounce.
336
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,940
What do you think?
You've got an hour.
337
00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:37,410
I'm going to need petty cash.
338
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,810
Shunning resumed.
339
00:13:40,010 --> 00:13:41,880
Do you want a drawbridge?
340
00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:43,250
Un-shun.
341
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,210
Yeah, that sounds good.
Re-shun.
342
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:51,650
Oh, yeah, this is much better.
It's safer.
343
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,130
Excellent decision.
344
00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:55,290
Yes.
Thank you for seeing that.
345
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,990
When you land, try and
land like an eight-year-old.
346
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,230
These bouncy castles
are not designed for
adults.
347
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,390
I don't know
if I want to do this.
348
00:14:01,470 --> 00:14:02,460
Want to do another test?
349
00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:03,700
I got plenty of
watermelons in my trunk.
350
00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:05,030
No.
351
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:06,770
No more.
The tests are going terrible.
352
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,810
If we keep doing them,
I'm not going to want
to jump.
353
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:11,810
This is about doing,
not thinking.
354
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:12,850
Right!
355
00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:14,710
Doing!
Totally doing!
356
00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:16,440
Let's rock and roll!
Rock and roll!
357
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,420
Yeah!
That's right,
I'm not thinking!
358
00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:21,450
Yes! Yeah!
359
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,220
Michael is awesome
360
00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:24,990
Jumping off the roof
361
00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:26,860
Bouncing on a bouncy thing
362
00:14:26,930 --> 00:14:28,450
Show them who is boss
363
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,520
Rip a hole in the sun!
364
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,570
I am ready to do this!
365
00:14:32,630 --> 00:14:34,400
I'm ready to make a point!
366
00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:38,700
Hey! Guys, listen up,
367
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:42,400
Michael is up on the roof
and acting strange.
368
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,470
What's the situation?
369
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:50,110
Un-shun.
I think he's suffering
from depression. Re-shun.
370
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,680
Okay, when is the shunning
thing going to end?
371
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:54,020
Un-shun. Never. Re-shun.
372
00:14:54,090 --> 00:14:55,450
I think he wants
you all to come out
373
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,550
to the parking lot
and watch him die.
374
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,420
Is it nice outside?
375
00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:00,890
It's gorgeous. Let's go!
376
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,020
Do I need my jacket?
377
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,220
No, it really is.
It's very nice.
378
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,560
Come on!
379
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:05,830
Will I be too warm
in a long-sleeved tee?
380
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:09,700
Everyone's going
to be fine in exactly what
they're wearing! Let's go!
381
00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:13,000
Let's go!
382
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,570
Come on! Hurry up, you guys!
383
00:15:18,650 --> 00:15:19,740
My life!
384
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,720
Oh, my life!
385
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:25,090
Michael, what's wrong?
386
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:27,010
Everything's wrong.
387
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,690
The stress of
my modern office
388
00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:32,160
has caused me to go
into a depression!
389
00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:37,690
Depression?
Isn't that just a fancy
word for feeling bummed out?
390
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,500
Dwight, you ignorant slut.
391
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:42,470
Depression is
a very serious illness.
392
00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:47,630
Over 32,000 people
commit suicide every year
393
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,040
according to a 2004 study.
394
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:52,100
Is that the last year
the data was available?
395
00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:53,240
Yes.
396
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:56,610
My head is in
such pain and turmoil.
397
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,720
Don't do anything rash.
398
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,880
Dwight,
where are the warehouse guys?
399
00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:02,750
I didn't...
400
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,090
I didn't think you
needed them for this part.
401
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,990
Okay. That's...
402
00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:11,090
You said to just...
403
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,160
That's the whole point,
dummy.
404
00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:13,360
Okay. I'm on it.
405
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,830
Okay?
406
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,060
Attention,
blue-collar workers!
407
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:22,270
What are the odds that
this is in any way real?
408
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:25,070
I'd say, like, 10,000 to one.
409
00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:27,710
Okay, I'd like 10
bucks on those odds.
410
00:16:28,580 --> 00:16:33,990
If someone gives
you 10,000 to one
on anything, you take it.
411
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:37,190
If John Mellencamp
ever wins an Oscar,
412
00:16:37,790 --> 00:16:41,460
I am going to be
a very rich dude.
413
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,760
Michael is up on the roof
and he's acting strange.
414
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:48,100
Oh, my life.
415
00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:49,930
Michael, what's wrong?
416
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,060
Everything is wrong, Dwight.
417
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:56,040
The stress of
my modern office
has made me depressed.
418
00:16:56,110 --> 00:17:00,010
Depressed?
Isn't that just a fancy
word for feeling bummed out?
419
00:17:00,110 --> 00:17:01,640
Dwight, you ignorant slut!
420
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,310
Well, you know, the first
performance was a little off,
421
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,690
but I really think
they hit their stride
in the second show.
422
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,560
I might even bring my parents
tomorrow to the matinee.
423
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:12,920
And that is why...
424
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,160
Oh, excuse me.
It's my favorite part.
425
00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:16,420
...I am going to
jump off this roof!
426
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,130
This is just offensive.
427
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:19,530
At least we're outside.
428
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,300
Hey, check it out,
there's a castle
over there.
429
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,570
Oh, my God,
there is a castle.
430
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,670
No.
There's nothing to
see over there, people.
431
00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,470
There's nothing to see.
432
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:33,180
They found the castle,
Michael.
433
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:34,410
Damn it!
434
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:40,280
Oh, God. Oh, my God,
he's going to jump.
435
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:46,790
He's going to kill himself
pretending to kill himself.
436
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:48,060
Yeah.
437
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:49,260
Excuse me.
438
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,470
Hey, Michael,
439
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,830
don't jump on
the bouncy castle.
440
00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:02,080
You can't do that
'cause you're going to get
horribly, horribly injured.
441
00:18:02,610 --> 00:18:03,940
Hey, Michael,
442
00:18:04,810 --> 00:18:08,210
I have a present for you
but you have to come down
and get it.
443
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:10,840
What is it?
444
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,110
Come down
and open it and you'll see.
445
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,120
Dwight, find out
what the present is.
446
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:17,420
Okay, I don't see anything.
447
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:18,690
She might be bluffing.
448
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,130
Dwight.
Dwight.
449
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,690
It's a...
450
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:30,360
A Repliee-Q-One-Expo
female robot.
451
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,100
They're only
available in Japan.
452
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:33,540
Dwight, you are such a liar.
453
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:35,040
Pam, really what is it?
454
00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:37,810
Mike, this is
the opposite of safety.
455
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,740
You jump, you're going to
seriously hurt yourself.
456
00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:41,940
You told me
that I lead a...
457
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:46,320
A cushy, wimpy Nerf life.
458
00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:47,950
Yeah.
459
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:50,750
But I never said you
had nothing to live for.
460
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,620
What do I have to live for?
461
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:54,590
A lot of things.
462
00:18:57,230 --> 00:18:58,390
You...
463
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,830
What about Jan?
464
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:09,470
Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan,
man.
465
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,370
It's going good, right?
466
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:14,380
It's complicated with Jan.
467
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:18,450
And I don't know where
I stand or what I want.
468
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:22,050
The sex isn't nearly
as good as it used to be.
469
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,110
Mike,
470
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,920
you're a very brave man.
471
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:28,430
I mean it takes
courage just to be you.
472
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,790
To get out of bed
every single day,
473
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:35,130
knowing full well
you got to be you.
474
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,000
Do you really mean that?
475
00:19:38,070 --> 00:19:39,440
I couldn't do it.
476
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,370
I ain't that strong
and I ain't that brave.
477
00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:43,670
I'm braver than you?
478
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,040
Way braver.
479
00:19:45,580 --> 00:19:47,070
You Braveheart, man.
480
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:51,610
I Braveheart.
481
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:54,710
I am.
482
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,190
Come on down, okay?
483
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:58,320
Okay.
484
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,130
Pam, I'm coming
down to get my present.
485
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,230
An office is
as safe as the people
in it.
486
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:11,300
And sometimes those people can
drive you to do crazy things
487
00:20:11,370 --> 00:20:15,400
to show
the dangers of the office.
488
00:20:15,610 --> 00:20:18,100
That's the danger
I found myself in today.
489
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,440
I saved a life.
490
00:20:21,380 --> 00:20:22,580
My own.
491
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,310
Am I a hero?
492
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,280
I really can't say, but yes.35007
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