All language subtitles for Moonlighting.S01E06 - The Murder is in the Mail

♪ Some walk by night ♪

♪ Some fly by day ♪

♪ Nothing could change you ♪

♪ Set and sure
of the way ♪

♪ There is
the sun and moon ♪

♪ They sing
their own sweet tune ♪

♪ Watch them when dawn is due ♪

♪ Sharing one space ♪

♪ We'll walk by night, babe ♪

♪ We'll fly by day ♪

♪ Moonlighting strangers ♪

♪ Who just met
on the way ♪

There will be
coffee in the lodge.

There's no comment
on that at the moment.

When are you gonna know something?
When are you gonna know?

- What's going on?
- Jet from Lisbon went down.

Crashed or blew up,
nobody seems to know.

Flight 772?

You waiting for
someone onboard?

No, I was supposed to take
that flight and I switched.

God.

Hello. Yes.

Certainly,
it's my card.

Of course I know where I was born.
Allentown, Pennsylvania, 1946.

What else do you
need to know?

Mother's name Alice.
Father's name William.

Listen, am I gonna
get the money?

Yes, I would love to
speak to a supervisor.

What do you mean, someone
called up and cancelled my card?

Do you have a name?

It's what?

No.

I'm not dead.

Bill, bill, bill, ad.

- Ad? For what?
- A billing service.

- Great.
- Bill, bill, check.

- Check?
- Check.

I never believe
them, though,

about not having to buy
any magazines to qualify.

I bet they have someone who sorts out the
people who buy from the people who don't.

This is depressing.
We've got to do something.

We've got to simplify.

Rent less expensive furniture.

Maybe find cheaper office space.

Spare down.
No more frills.

No more overtime,
we've got to get serious.

Maddie, we're gonna have to
pop the glass on the front window

to get the piano in, so...

- Piano?
- Yeah. Now, we're not going to have

this problem with the pool table,
because I can just lower it to the roof

with a chopper and then we'll
winch it down to this floor,

bring it through one
of the office windows.

Toodles.

This isn't real.
I'm dreaming this.

Alright, boys.
I'll be right back.

Now listen, don't get discouraged.
They've been putting ships

in bottles for years, right?

Women give birth all the time.
We're gonna get this sucker in here.

Wanna hear something crazy?

- I don't even know how to play.
- What are you doing?

- Nothing, I've been clean for years.
- A piano, a pool table?

You like that, huh?
I got the idea from this.

- A great book.
- What is it?

Interviews with the heads
of major corporations,

how they got there,
how they stay there,

how they keep their company
number one.

It's called Being 2nd Stinks.

And in it a lot of these guys talk about
creating a pleasant working environment

and how it in turn
leads to better productivity.

I figured, hey, you can't
argue with Fortune 500, right?

Oh, no?

- Take it back. I'm not paying for it.
- What?

Cancel it, take it back.

- Lady, he said--
- Cancel the chopper and the wench.

You mean winch,
you're the wench.

- Watch it.
- Wait.

- Maddy, you're making a mountain out of--
- Molehills.

My molehill.
I own it, I pay the bills.

And I'm telling you there's no
money for piano and pool tables.

Being 2nd Stinks.

Being second
would be wonderful.

Being twenty second
would be wonderful.

Addison, we need a client.

A client whose business
we could depend on.

A bread and butter client
who'd help us pay the light bill.

- Done.
- A department store chain,

a brokerage house,

someplace that would
need us to--

- Done?
- Done!

You think I'd buy
a baby grand piano,

a pool table, a satellite dish,

Satellite dish?

if I didn't know money
was going to start rolling in?

A contract?

A signed contract?

- Who? Where? When?
- It's this book.

I'm telling you.
I read it last night and the doors open.

The light bulb came on.

I realize you got to make
your own opportunities.

- You got to seize the moment.
- Easy Credit Assurance Company?

EC-AC,
great bunch of guys.

And you know these people?

Well, I have had... occasion to
work with them in the past, yes.

And just what is it we're
supposed to do

- for Eek Meek?
- EC-AC.

Well, you see, they're sort of
a collection agency

and we would be sort of a
subcontractor to them.

We get a crack at all the cases
they've given up on

and we get to keep half of
whatever we collect.

- We're bill collectors?
- Not bill collectors,

we're credit marshals.
We're...

payment enforcers,
we're bill busters.

This does not sound like
something I want to do.

How do you know,
you haven't even tried it yet?

I just happen to know what it's
like to suffer financial reverses

and I don't like the idea of
hounding unfortunate people.

Maddie, we're not going to be
hounding any unfortunate people.

- We're not?
- No! the people we're going after

are creeps, deadbeats,
lowlifes.

People with no appreciation for the
concept of obligation, responsibility...

people who are trying
to evade their indebtedness,

- not people that can't pay.
- You sure?

Sure I'm sure.
I'm surer than sure, I'm certain.

Maddie, this contract
is a money machine.

Addison, it doesn't make sense.

If it's so easy to get money out
of these people then why doesn't

- Yik Yak do it themselves?
- EC-AC.

Why didn't Detroit make
smaller cars before Japan?

Why didn't those cereal companies put
two scoops of raisins in from the get go?

Why didn't Donnie marry Marie?

Who knows, doesn't matter.

Their loss is our gain.

- I'm not so sure.
- I am.

One try, let's just give it a shot.
If we don't hit pay dirt--

- One try?
- One try. one little bitty try.

What have we got to lose?
Maddie...

trust me.

Having a lot of work done on
your place while you were away.

Excuse me?

Last couple of days couldn't
help but notice

men going in and out.

Hearing the hammering
and the nailing.

That's the way to do it,

leave the country for a month
and...

come home to a new apartment.

Larry Henderson...

owes thirty four hundred dollars
on his car, poet,

lives with his mother,

money in the bank.

How did I let you
talk me into this?

What is your problem?

The guy owes $3,400.

- Half of $3,400 is--
- $1,700.

$1,700, right.

Couldn't you use $1,700
right now?

That's not the point.

- What is the point?
- We don't know this man's story.

We don't know if he hasn't been sick.
We don't know if hasn't been robbed.

He hasn't been sick and he
hasn't been robbed.

It says nothing on the card here
about being sick

or being robbed.
The guy got in over his head.

He bought a big expensive car
and he can't afford it.

- You don't know that.
- Sure I know that.

The guy's a poet.

What kind of money do
you think poet's make?

Poetry is not one of your
fast track careers,

there are no big runs on poems
at your better department stores.

He's probably some
poor sensitive little man.

- Damn straight.

It's our job to scare the
iambic pentameter out of him.

The House at Pooh Corner.

- You sure you know what you're doing?
- What's to know?

I'm gonna convince
Rhymin' Simon that the only

thing standing between him and his death

- is a check made out to us for his car.
- Oh, David.

"Oh, David" what?

Oh, David, I think you're making
a terrible mistake.

You can't bully this man.

People are fundamentally good,
present company excluded,

and I believe if you give them a
chance to live up to their obligations,

they'll rise to the occasion.

- Fine.
- Fine? Does that mean you agree with me?

- What does it mean?
- Fine means fine. Fine.

Next place we stop at you can
be in charge, we'll do it your way.

But right now,
you're giving me one shot.

I got $1,700
riding on this dance

and I'd like to make money
the old-fashioned way...

scare the creep.

Yo, Larry!

My name is
David "Boom-Boom" Addison

from the
Easy Credit Assurance Company...

and I'm not leaving until you
come out here and sign us a check.

Watch this.

Hello, Larry.

My goodness.

You're a poet.
And you sure show it.

And I know it,
because you're kind of long, fellow.

That used to kill them
in the fifth grade.

Luck of the draw.
First guy we go see has a gland problem.

How can you guess
something like that?

That guy ought to
consider statehood.

Addison, this is not for us.

- Yes, it is. Maddie...
- No, it isn't. David, we made a deal.

You had your try
you took your shot.

Now let's go back
to the office.

Okay. You got me.
A deal's a deal.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Can we make one little stop?
- David.

Wait for me.

Bless me, Father,
for I've sinned.

How long has it been
since your last confession?

Forty-two years.
I'm Wind Jammer.

Wind Jammer.

I need to come in.

I need to come back.
They're on to me.

- You have to be kidding.
- Do I look like I'm kidding?

It's not like going
through a revolving door.

It's going to take
a little time.

- A little preparation.
- I don't think I have any time.

I'm willing to trade.

I have a letter. A communiqué.

Nobody knows where it is
except me.

Wait a second.
What do you mean, trade?

I mean, you guys are supposed
to help me out in situations like this.

I mean that I'm not going to be the
only one to die if everything goes south.

Now, you guys cover me

and I'll make sure that everybody
else's behind is covered--

Hey... I'm just a courier.
I'll do what I can.

I'll have someone
from the agency contact you.

That's the best I can do,
Windjammer.

This isn't the way back
to the office.

Sure it is, I just wanna make
one little pit stop, that's all.

We had a deal.

Maddie, you're not gonna give
up after one little setback, are you?

Has it ever occurred to you that the
only reason your friends at Ick Poo--

- EC-AC.
- or whatever...

would give you a chance to collect
money from these people is that they know

it's impossible to collect money
from these people?

They told Mr. Bick it
was impossible to shoot--

- I don't wanna hear this.

They told Mr. Volkswagen
it was impossible--

- Let's go back to the office.

build a car that floats.
They told Mr. Charmin...

Addison, wake up!

They sent you out to get money
from Paul Bunyan.

You wake up.

We have to do this.
This is a good idea, Maddie.

I'm doing this for us,
for the good of the company.

If we don't figure out some way to
bring some money into the company

I can see the handwriting
on the wall,

and if I have to go out there
and get another job...

You may not know this
but there are people out there

who think I'm not
a very good detective.

Go figure.

- One more try?
- One try, my way?

One try, any which way.

Okay, but if we don't hit
pay dirt--

Maddie, trust me.
I feel very lucky with this next guy.

Any special reason why
somebody would wanna follow you?

- Three cars back.
- Let me out here.

- We still got three blocks to go.
- Here is fine.

This is for the ride

bring my baggage back to me tomorrow,
and you get the other half of this.

Alright.

Roy Hirsch, 3C.

Where do you think
he could be?

He's probably out spending money
he doesn't have.

Are you sure you're
using that thing properly?

It's not like
it's brain surgery.

Excuse me.

- Yeah?
- Mr. Hirsch, you're there.

I'll handle this.
Mr. Hirsch, this is Madelyn Hayes.

I've come to talk to
you about this terrible

situation you've
gotten yourself into.

Who are you?
Are you with the agency?

I'm with the agency, but I haven't
come to intimidate or bully you.

I've come here to reason
with you, to...

to appeal to your sense
of fair play.

Gotta admit, I'm impressed.

I don't know why
you're so surprised.

It's like I said before,
people are fundamentally good.

Now, where is it?

Mr. Hirsch, it's Madelyn Hayes
from the agency.

Mr. Hirsch, I can hear you
moving around in there.

Could you be a dear
and open the door, please?

I guess rising
to the occasion takes time.

- Maybe he didn't hear you.
- Stuff it. Come on, Hirsch!

What do you say you haul your
ashes over to the door and let us in

before we have to come in there
and get rough with you.

Now, Maddie, there's no need
to bully this man.

Open this door, you parasite,
you goldbricker, you, you-

Lowlife?

Mr. Hirsch?

He doesn't look too well.

It's an old deadbeat trick.
Make them think you're sick.

Mr. Hirsch,
about your indebtedness.

If you could take a minute and a
half and write me a check for $1,450

I'm sure this ugly business
would be over with.

Isn't this your checkbook here?
Let me bring it to you.

You can make that out to
Easy Credit Assurance Company.

David, I think this deadbeat
is dead.

- Another old trick. Stick him with a pin.
- I will not.

- Yank out one of his nose hairs.
- Addison!

Rip off all your clothes
and see if he reacts.

You're right, bad idea.
That would kill me.

I'll handle this.

Hey, Roy.

Okay, you win.

He's dead.

It's right down here.

It's locked.
It must have blown shut.

Guess we'll have to
break it down.

A man is dead.
He's not gonna come to the door.

- Hello.
- Door of the living dead.

Police investigations.

I'm here following up on a
possible homicide on these premises.

On these premises?

You mean, in this building?

Right there in that chair,
Roy Hirsch, dead.

Dead as a doornail.

- Deader.
- Miss Hayes?

- Sir, if I could have your name?
- Roy Hirsch.

I know I'm intrigued.

This is not the man
that was dead in that chair.

Obviously.

He's done something
with the body, hidden it,

or removed it or put it
someplace or something.

I assure you. I am who I say I am.
Would you like to search the apartment?

- No.
- Yes.

- That's what I like, a consensus.
- Sir, we do not search

without a warrant
or a probable cause.

Probable cause?
We saw the body.

What more probable cause
do you need?

Evidence, witness,
signs of mayhem,

a victim who doesn't answer
his door.

- He's got us on points.
- May I ask what you were doing

in my apartment when you
supposedly saw this dead man?

Discussing business.
Mr. Hirsch--

I'm Mr. Hirsch.

The other Mr. Hirsch was
behind in his car payments.

I'm sorry,
I really don't understand.

We represent EC-AC,
the Easy Credit Assurance Company.

Our slogan: "If you gotta go in debt,
EC-AC's your best bet."

I thought you said you were
private investigators?

We are, we're both.
It's very complicated.

Mr. Hirsch, if you'll excuse us,

I'd like to have a word with
Mister, uh...

Addison and Miss Hayes
out in the hall.

Do you have a private
investigator's license?

Of course we have a license.
Certainly we have a license.

- Do you wanna keep it?
- What are you trying to say?

What I'm trying to say is,
next time you report a murder

you better make sure
you have a dead body.

Sorry to have disturbed you,
Mr. Hirsch.

- Wait a second.
- Let it lay.

Downstairs.

How can you look so calm,
so controlled? Aren't you mad?

- Mad? I'm excited.
- Excited? Addison, we were just set up,

made to look like fools by that
police detective.

Tell me something I don't know.

Either the real Roy Hirsch is dead,

and this new tenant is
lying about who he is,

or he is Roy Hirsch and the couch potato
you and I saw is someone else entirely.

Either way, something
is rotten in Cleveland.

- And that doesn't make you mad?
- Mad? Mad?

- How can you get mad at opportunity?
- Opportunity?

Maddie, we're investigators,
right?

- For the sake of argument, say "right."
- Right.

Well, investigators have to have
something to investigate.

- I thought we were bill busters.
- That was temp work,

a summer job, something to tide
us over until Mother Nature

could right her wrong
and deliver unto us a murder.

Aren't you forgetting
something?

"Who's the client?"

- Well?
- Well, you always say that.

You gotta stop getting hung up
on these technicalities.

Maddie, we have to create
our own opportunities.

You think Alexander Graham Bell
sat back in his workshop and said:

"Why am I inventing the phone?

No one else has one.
Who am I going to call?"

Heck no. He went out there
and did what he had to do.

He invented the telephone,
dialed a number

until people got good and sick
of all that ringing.

They went out and bought a phone
so they could answer it.

Don't tell me you read
that in your book?

Back of a milk carton.

Maddie, we have to
investigate this murder.

Providence has deposited
a dead body in our path.

Who knows what lies at the end of it?
A reward, a contract?

More dead bodies.
Our dead bodies.

- Tonight will tell the tale.
- Tonight will tell what tale?

Tonight we figure out who really lives in
that apartment, or who's really dead in it.

Terrific.

You really know how to whip
up an evening's entertainment.

How long are we gonna
have to stand around here?

Until someone comes around
and lets us inside.

Lets us inside?

This is a security building.
No one's gonna let us inside.

Someone's coming.

Play along with me.

Uncle Leon!

It's me, Davy.
Little David Addison.

I got the batteries
to your hearing aid.

Gosh, sis, he can't hear
to buzz us in.

If he doesn't buzz us in,
he'll never be able to hear.

I couldn't help overhearing.
Is there anything I can do to help?

Oh, wow, sis,
it's gonna be alright.

Uncle Leon will be able to play in
the symphony tomorrow after all.

Oh, thank you.
Hey, God bless.

God bless you.

And heaven help us all.

Have to make sure nobody's home.

- How do we do that?
- Two-step process.

You wait here.

- What are you doing?
- Can't be too careful.

- Clearly there's no one at home.
- Let's just be sure.

- Where did you learn that?
- Camp Kennybrook. Pretty cool, huh?

- Credit card.
- Credit card?

Credit card.

Look, would you be more
comfortable going to a motel?

It doesn't have to be
a gold card,

I just want to open the door
not take a trip to Aruba.

Alright, alright.

I gotta get the number
to this guy's cleaning service.

Look at this place.

- Who would have done such a thing?
- Seven Santini Brothers?

Somebody sure was
looking for something.

What do you think it could be?

Bank loot, crown jewels,
a pair of lost contacts?

Hey!

Ow!

David!

Oh!

- What happened?
- Punched myself in the mirror.

Oh.

David.

What do you think this is?

- Company's coming.
- What do we do now?

Make sure our hands are washed,
the lid's down and we're gone.

Fire escape.

Who is it?
Is it the dead man or the living man?

New guy, still alive.

- What's he doing?
- Looking for this.

- He's gone.
- Okay.

David, David, David!

Why are we doing this?
It doesn't make sense.

This guy knew exactly
where to go for this envelope.

It's crazy.

First we meet a
man who's dead.

Which means that all this
killing and radical redecorating

- Then we meet another man...
- has something to do with this.

who says he's
the man who's dead.

- Let's see what we have here.
- But he isn't dead.

Then we come back and the man
who's dead is gone,

the man who isn't dead is gone.

- Everything in the apartment is gone.
- Crazy little rhyme.

- There's a new man...
- Passport.

who isn't the man who's dead.
and isn't the man who's not dead--

- Roy Hirsch's passport.
- I'm tired.

I'm working very hard
and I don't know why.

We don't have a client.
We're not getting paid.

- Why are we doing this?
- To find out who killed Roy Hirsch.

I don't even know
who Hirsch is.

Sure we do.
He's a Russian spy.

Sorry I asked.

Blue Moon Detective Agency.

If persons are missing,
if objects are lost

we'll find them for you
at reasonable cost.

Your runaway husband,
that non-paying louse.

We'll find them for you,
bring them back to the house.

Lost a prize-winning dog?
Lost a prize-winning cat?

We'll find them both for you
in just no time flat.

So tell us your problem,
it'll all work out fine.

Just tell me your problem,
it's why I'm on the line.

No, it was three black,

two with sugar,
and one tea with lemon on the side.

Maddie, you can't call in the CIA,
not after all the work we've invested.

Addison, if this guy
is a Soviet spy,

we shouldn't get involved.
We're private citizens.

- This is a job for the government. Yeah!
- The government?

Hasn't the government got enough to
do without worrying about the Russians?

That's the problem with this country.
Nobody wants to do for themselves.

They always want to lay it
on the government.

We're not equipped or trained.

Come here,
I wanna show you something.

- What is that?
- What is that? What is that?

It's a Jell-O mold.
What do you think it is? It's a gun.

A serious gun for serious business,
our business.

Me and you
are gonna crack this case.

This, this. What is this?
I don't even know what this is.

Come on, I gotta spell it out
for you?

A Russian passport,
a secret message.

- What secret message?
- This secret message.

How do you know this isn't
a Russian grocery list?

Because they don't
have groceries in Russia.

They don't have
anything in Russia.

No Disneyland.
No Three Stooges.

No baseball.
Only ballet and roulette.

I've made up my mind.

I don't wanna get involved
with spies or Russians or guns.

We're not bill busters, not secret agents.
What we needed is a client.

We got one, a real one.
Waiting in Mr. Addison's office.

- A client? A real one, in this office?
- You're kidding.

Yeah. He is just sitting there.
Playing pool.

- Alright.
- It was just a matter of time.

- I guess so.
- What's this client's name?

- Roy Hirsch.
- Roy Hirsch?

Happen to notice whether this
guy's was alive or not, did you?

- What do you think he wants?
- The same thing everybody else wants,

the passport and the grocery
list. Come on.

- What are you doing? Where are we going?
- Out of here.

This guy's following us,
and my guess is he's not alone.

- What?
- That's the guy from last night.

Wait a minute.
What are we doing?

- He doesn't know what we look like, right?
- Right.

- Looks like he's waiting by our car.
- What do we do now?

I'll try to distract him,
you go get in the car.

Distract him, how?

I don't know how.
I'll think of something.

I'll make a big distraction,
when you hear it,

jump in the car, come get me,
and that'll give us a head start.

- Alright.
- Alright.

- Some echo.
- What?

Some echo.

♪ I got sunshine ♪

♪ On a cloudy day ♪

♪ When it's cold outside ♪

Come on, man, help me.

♪ I got the month of May ♪

♪ Well, I guess you'd say ♪

♪ What can make me
feel this way ♪

♪ My girl ♪

♪ My girl ♪

♪ Talkin' about ♪
Come on, man.

♪ My girl ♪

Okay, now it's your turn.
You pick a song.

- Listen, jackass--
- I don't know that one.

I'll tell you what.
I'll pick one for you.

You like R&B?
Me, I like R&B.

- They're following us!
- Of course they're following us.

Naturally they're following us.
It's a chase.

- I don't wanna do this.
- Maddie, you gotta do this,

you're driving the car.

You drive, David,
I've got a perfect driving record.

I have no intention of jeopardizing
it with some dumb chase.

I guess that's that, chase is over.
He's caught up with us.

- David, why is he doing that?
- Because you're letting him do it.

- Punch this cow, will you?
- Okay, I will. What does that mean?

Step on the pedal, Gretel.

What do I do now?

Get in the far right
lane, make a sharp left.

You don't make a left
turn from the far right lane.

We do.

Left into this alley.

- We did it.
- We did it?

We did it.
We lost 'em.

Whoops, they did it.
They found us.

Reverse!

- Faster.
- Faster?

I don't like driving faster forward,
and I don't like driving faster backward.

Now, forward.

Soon as you get out of this alley,
make a left.

But we don't have the
right of way.

Maddie, we're doing 85 miles
an hour in an alley.

- This is no time to debate right of way.
- Don't yell at me.

I can't concentrate, and if I
can't concentrate I can't drive.

Sorry.

- Get ready to make the turn.
- What?

Turn!

- David, They're still behind us.
- Of course they're still behind us.

You have to go faster than them.

Whoa!

David!

- That other car saved us.
- Because he wants us all to himself.

- Hang a right here.
- Why?

Why, why?
Because I said so, that's why,

and so far, I've been right
about everything.

Alright, so I made one mistake.

CIA!
Come out with your hands up!

CIA?
We've been running from the CIA?

Alright, two mistakes.

So Hirsch wasn't a Russian spy?

Double agent.
He posed as a Russian spy.

He let them set him up in an
apartment, credit cards, an identity.

They used him to stage dissident
and terrorist activities in this country.

But not before he let you know when
and where the trouble would begin.

Right.

Except after we received
his last communiqué in Lisbon,

they found him out.

Killed a planeload of people
just to try to stop him

from letting us know
what was going on.

When they realized
he changed planes,

they assigned the American
based Soviet agent

the task of eliminating him.

A gentleman named
Arkady Nestovicenko.

The other Roy Hirsch.

His job was to retrieve the
communiqué and to kill Hirsch.

Unfortunately, he did the job in
the wrong order.

He killed Hirsch then he
couldn't locate the communiqué.

So why was he chasing us?

Obviously he was convinced
you had it.

Why were you chasing him?

Because I was convinced
he was right.

Roy and I were close,
I knew where he kept things.

I checked the spot.

Somebody beat me to it.

And you think it was us?

Look, here's the bottom line.

We know the Russians are
planning the assassination of...

one of several visiting Chinese diplomats
at a welcoming dinner at the Biltmore,

just hours from now.

We've beefed up security.
We've alerted all the authorities.

It would make things much easier
to protect our Chinese friends

if we actually knew
who was the target.

That's what's in the communiqué.

David.

This is not the way
I pictured it would end.

Spies, communiqués.

Can't we have a speedboat chase?

Where's the guy
with the big teeth,

the little fat
guy with the deadly bowler?

- Do you read Russian?
- This guy reads Russian, Stalin,

taking his time
or beating a deadline.

What's so funny?

They obviously wanted to make
sure they killed the right Chinese man.

The message simply reads,
"The man with a mole on his nose."

- "The man with a mole on his nose"?
- Man with a mole on his nose.

I appreciate this,
your country appreciates this.

Yeah, well...

tell the country
it was no sweat.

I have a great deal to do
and not much time to do it,

so I better be going
Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison.

Talk about going out
with a whimper.

But don't you feel good?
I feel good. It's nice to know

that because of what we did,
because of the work we did,

right now a phone call
is being made.

Plans are being
put into motion.

Because of us, some friendly
dignitary's life is gonna be saved.

Some international
incident avoided.

- Say that again.
- All of it?

No, just the part
about a phone call.

- What phone call?
- Exactly, what phone call?

This guy's racing to find out
who's gonna be assassinated

at a state dinner in just a few hours.
He finds out...

- He doesn't make the phone call, why?
- Maybe he doesn't trust

our phone.
Maybe he thinks it's bugged?

Maybe he didn't need to know
who's being killed to save him.

Maybe he needed to know who's
being killed so he could kill him.

- What are you doing for dinner tonight?
- What do yo mean?

Feel like a little Chinese?

Name please?

- David Addison.
- Madelyn Hayes.

I'm sorry but you're not
on the guest list.

That's because
we're not guests.

We're looking for a man
with a mole on his nose.

- A mole on his nose?
- A mole on his nose.

- What kind of clothes?
- What kind of clothes?

What kind of clothes
do you suppose?

What kind of clothes do I
suppose would be worn

by a man with a mole on his nose?
Who knows?

Did I happen to mention,
did I bother to disclose,

the man that we're seeking
with a mole on his nose

I'm not sure of his clothes
or anything else,

except he's Chinese,
a big clue by itself.

- How do you do that?
- I got to read a lot of Dr. Seuss.

I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report,
I haven't seen anyone of that sort.

Not a man who's Chinese
with a mole on his nose

with some kind of clothes
that you can't suppose.

So, get away from this door
and get out of this place

or I'll have to hurt you,
put my foot in your face.

- Oh.
- Time to go.

Time to go.

Addison.

- Come on, Maddie, time's a wasting.
- I'm not coming out.

What do you mean, "you're not coming out?"
You have to come out.

How are we gonna get in that
banquet if you don't come out?

- This is humiliating.
- It is not humiliating.

Serving food and drink to people
is not humiliating.

It's an important job.

A vital link
in nature's food chain.

I'm talking about that.
I'm talking about this.

- What about it?
- Where's the rest of it?

What are you talking about?

I think you look terrific.

I think all of you
looks terrific.

You leave any room in there
for tips?

- That's it!
- Come on, come on.

I'm sorry. You're right.
But we have no choice.

Just remember, you're dressed
like that for America...

and I, for one, salute you.

Salute you, Addison.

That's good.
I like that.

Okay, ready?
Look waitery.

I said to him, "Bubba, I don't
care what country you're from.

In America,
we eat with our forks."

So now that we're here,
what do we do?

Look for the CIA guy or the
Chinese guy with a mole on his nose.

- And if one of us finds one of them?
- Holler.

- Watch it.
- You watch it.

May I have more champagne,
please?

- The mole.
- Picture, please.

- You. What are you doing here?
- Me?

I'm here tonight because

we've replaced this
banquet hall's real coffee

with frozen crystals.

Maddie!

David!

- What are you doing?
- Nothing, I've been clean for years!

Why does everybody
keep asking me that?

Whoa!

Hey!

- Whoa!
- Dear!

See that?

Who says you can't bring the
countries of the world together,

resolve our differences
in a civilized and orderly way?

Whoa!

♪ Some walk by night ♪

♪ Some fly by day ♪

♪ Nothing could change you ♪

♪ Set and sure
of the way ♪