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Tyrannis: Do you see this?
Krapopolis is depicted
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00:00:06,010 --> 00:00:08,028
as one of many
tiny warring city-states.
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00:00:08,255 --> 00:00:09,937
Stupendous: At least they
showed us as warring.
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00:00:10,106 --> 00:00:12,365
My army is basically
just me these days.
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00:00:12,592 --> 00:00:14,868
A ton of my best guys
got really into woodworking
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and stopped showing up.
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[Splash]
Tyrannis: Ugh, not again!
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I just got this washed!
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Uhh! Excuse me,
King coming through!
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00:00:21,877 --> 00:00:24,044
Joshua: Uch, king of what?
Spilling gruel on yourself?
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Tyrannis: I didn't spill it
on myself.
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One of my careless subjects
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dropped it out of a window
on me.
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Miriam: Subjects?
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Is that what you think of us?
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I always thought
we were more like
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equally-valuable
acquaintances.
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Stupendous: I'm beginning
to think you have
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a leadership problem.
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Tyrannis:
No. It's a toga problem.
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I'm gonna pick up a couple
of spares
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at that menswear tent
over there--
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Aah! Oh, God,
it's happening again!
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00:00:42,622 --> 00:00:44,622
Where is this gruel
coming from?
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Hello?
Is anyone here?
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It's King Tyrannis, and I'm
having a toga emergency.
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Chira: King Tyrannis, eh?
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It looks like you're
having quite a day.
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00:00:51,965 --> 00:00:54,056
The name's Chira,
lonely war widow.
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I have to work in this menswear
tent because my husband died
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invading some place
he shouldn't have: my sister.
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- Oh, my God!
- Relax!
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That's just
a little war widow humor.
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Tyrannis: But your
husband is dead, right?
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Chira: Oh, yeah, he is,
and he slept with my sister.
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But the bigger tragedy is,
I don't think that toga
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is doing you any favors.
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Why don't
you try this on?
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Ah! I think it would
look great on you.
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Tyrannis: Oh, wow!
That is nice.
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Chira: I know what you're
thinking. You're the king.
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You should have more medals.
Let me get them.
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Tyrannis: Yes, thank you.
Please, more medals.
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I like to tinkle when I walk.
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Chira: These bring
out your eyes.
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And I know you didn't mean
that you like to pee yourself
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when you walk.
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I'm a war widow, not an idiot.
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So whaddya say?
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Tyrannis: Is my chest
getting bigger?
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I feel like I
could do anything!
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Chira: I feel like
you could, too.
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Tyrannis: This is big.
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This is going to
change things for me.
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Chira: That's the power of
Chira's House
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of Secondhand
Dead Husband Stuff.
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[Theme music playing]
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♪
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[Male singers chanting]
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♪
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Singers: Whoo!
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Shlub: Ooooh, hello!
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Who's this commanding fellow?
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Tyrannis: It's a pretty
good look, right?
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Deliria: I can't believe
I'm saying this,
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00:02:22,222 --> 00:02:24,722
but...yes, I didn't even know
you had good features,
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00:02:24,891 --> 00:02:26,332
but they're all
popping right now.
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Stupendous: What happened to
the toga and the backup toga?
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Gruel again.
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Tyrannis: Toga Ty was the old
Ty. I'm trying something new,
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and you know what I realized?
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We've been complacent with
mediocrity for too long.
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We need to make some
changes around here!
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Deliria: Who is this son
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and where can I sign up
for some?
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Tyrannis: Listen up.
This family needs to be
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more goal-oriented if we're
going to lead Krapopolis
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to a bigger
and better future.
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And that's my goal: a bigger
and better Krapopolis.
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Damn, this suit makes
me feel good!
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Dad, you start.
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Shlub: Well, I'd like to
up the stakes
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of my sexual role play
with your mother.
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Deliria: Things have been
a little same-same,
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which is still pretty wild
for other people, but not us.
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Tyrannis: OK, so what's
holding you back?
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Shlub: I suppose I can find
an old wizard who can turn me
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into anything I want.
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00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:08,357
Deliria: And I've been meaning
to try out some different forms.
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00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:11,527
We can meet in a bar
as sexy strangers!
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Shlub: Excellent!
Let the stranger-danger begin!
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Tyrannis: Maybe it's not
an inspired goal,
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but at least
it's clearly defined.
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Hippo, what are
you working on?
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00:03:19,128 --> 00:03:21,370
I've noticed you haven't
debuted anything in a while,
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so it must be pretty good.
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Hippocampus: What?
Wh-why would I tell you that?
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I don't answer to you. I have
a lot of irons in the fire.
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In fact, I should check on 'em.
I'm checking on my irons!
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Tyrannis: So, Stupe,
you sure have had time
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to comment on what
I'm doing,
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but what are you working on?
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Stupendous:
I got a raid later.
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Nomadic tribe
in our hinterlands
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grazing their sheep!
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Tyrannis: You're seriously
telling me
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that the greatest warrior
in the world
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is doing a raid
on nomadic shepherds?
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Stupendous: Yeah.
I'm gonna take their sheep
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and conscript the shepherds
into my army.
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I didn't say they were
peaceful shepherds.
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Tyrannis: Well,
McGriddle me this:
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What ever happened
to Persia?
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Stupendous: You know I'd love
to sink my sword
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into that fat,
juicy empire, but...
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- But what?
- Frigging woodworking, man!
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That's why I gotta
raid and conscript
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and hope the new recruits
don't also have
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the jointing-and-planing bug.
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Tyrannis: You told me I have
a leadership problem,
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but maybe you should take
a look in the mirror.
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♪
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Tyrannis: Citizens
of Krapopolis!
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It is I,
your King Tyrannis!
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Scott: There's something
about you today! We're rapt!
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[Cheering]
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Tyrannis: Good, because I
need a favor.
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Nay, I have a demand.
Nay, a decree!
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[Crowd cheering]
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I decree that
all citizens will now be
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required to serve
mandatory military service.
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[Crowd groans]
Yes, you there.
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Timon: Hello. Hi.
I'm Timon.
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Very excited
about following you anywhere.
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00:04:37,782 --> 00:04:40,449
I'm a new dentist in town,
and I don't usually
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get to dress too crazy.
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Could we get cool
outfits, too?
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Tyrannis: Hell, yeah!
I was thinking
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something pretty flashy--
maybe a breastplate
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and a helmet
with a spray of color.
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Crowd: Ooh!
Joshua: Can the breastplate
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have the outline
of muscles
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even if I
don't have muscles?
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00:04:53,723 --> 00:04:55,206
- Yes, Joshua.
- Yes!
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Timon: Can the helmets
have those--
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OK, I have a picture of it,
but I'm trying--
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it's--it's almost like a...
like a plume, or like a--
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like it's shooting out
of your head sort of.
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Do you know what I mean?
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00:05:05,718 --> 00:05:07,309
Something that someone sees
it from far away
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00:05:07,403 --> 00:05:08,977
and goes,
"That's not a dentist.
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That can't be a dentist."
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But then they get up close,
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and they're like,
"Oh, this is a cool dentist."
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Tyrannis: I think
that's a great idea,
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00:05:15,337 --> 00:05:17,728
and I'll look forward to
learning what a "dentist" is.
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Timon: You might not love it.
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Barfus: Uh, Barfus here.
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00:05:20,491 --> 00:05:22,416
Citizen-goat slaughterer,
also new in town.
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00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:24,510
Just one question:
can the uniform bottom
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00:05:24,737 --> 00:05:25,753
be a kicky little skirt?
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My legs are my best
asset, you see.
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Tyrannis: You got it, Barfus.
We're all gonna look great,
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and with your gorgeous help,
Krapopolis is going to grow
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to be an unstoppable empire!
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We're going to Persia!
[Cheering]
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Timon: One last thing.
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Will you be the one
leading us into battle?
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Tyrannis: I...
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will!
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[Cheering]
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Scott: I'm here! I'm here!
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- I'm here!
- OK. Why?
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Scott: I'm supposed to be
guarding this gate, but I just
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completely forgot
I had work today.
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Aaahh! Aaahh!
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What was that?!
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Hippocampus: A Usurper Moth.
They can tell
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if a throne's about to be empty,
then infest it
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00:06:01,958 --> 00:06:03,290
and take over
the whole city.
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00:06:03,385 --> 00:06:05,459
Scott: I've never heard of
those, and I thought
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00:06:05,553 --> 00:06:06,944
I knew all the moths!
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00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:08,462
I am a big bug guy.
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Hippocampus: OK, bug guy,
well, they're a serious threat.
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00:06:11,451 --> 00:06:13,801
Luckily, I've invented
weapons for exactly
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this kind of situation.
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Scott: Well, that's
a good thing,
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because I would not know
what to do.
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Every time I try to defend
anything,
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I keep almost cutting off
my own head. Ha!
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Hippocampus: Don't worry,
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00:06:22,979 --> 00:06:24,386
because I've thought of
everything.
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These moths are coming here
looking for Krapopolis,
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and we're gonna give
'em Trapopolis!
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00:06:28,484 --> 00:06:31,652
Scott: Well, all right. I guess
that makes sense, and I'll--
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00:06:31,746 --> 00:06:34,205
Ohh! Aah!
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00:06:36,084 --> 00:06:37,158
[Sheep bleating]
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Stupendous:
Look at these joikos.
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00:06:38,753 --> 00:06:41,254
Tyrannis: Stupendous!
Shepherd: Stupendous?!
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00:06:41,464 --> 00:06:42,588
Men: Oh, no!
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00:06:42,815 --> 00:06:45,166
Tyrannis: You needed guys?
Well, I've got guys.
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Stupendous: Are you kidding?
Thank you!
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00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,594
Tyrannis: Why don't you guys
start stretching
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while I talk to my sister?
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00:06:49,914 --> 00:06:51,079
Men: Ohh...ugh...
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00:06:51,174 --> 00:06:53,157
Stupendous:
This is so frickin' awesome!
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00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:54,842
I'm sorry I ever doubted you!
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00:06:55,085 --> 00:06:57,085
Tyrannis: It is awesome,
but something my army and I
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00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,346
were thinking is,
I should lead this one.
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00:06:59,515 --> 00:07:01,348
The guys, they practically
demanded it,
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00:07:01,443 --> 00:07:03,425
and you did say I
have a leadership problem.
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00:07:03,519 --> 00:07:06,353
And inspiring an army
is a 2-person job.
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00:07:06,448 --> 00:07:08,096
Really, this is
mostly your idea.
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00:07:08,191 --> 00:07:10,524
Stupendous: For you to lead
my dream invasion of Persia?
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00:07:10,618 --> 00:07:13,344
Tyrannis: Well, at this point,
isn't it our dream invasion?
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00:07:13,513 --> 00:07:15,029
I did get all these
soldiers.
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00:07:15,123 --> 00:07:16,456
Stupendous:
Yeah, and scared off
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00:07:16,683 --> 00:07:19,233
those violent shepherds
I was gonna conscript!
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00:07:19,294 --> 00:07:20,793
Shepherd: Actually,
we're right here!
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00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,486
We're not attacking.
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00:07:22,538 --> 00:07:25,381
We were just so inspired,
we want to join you!
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00:07:26,693 --> 00:07:28,450
Tyrannis: Go, Stuperannis!
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00:07:28,470 --> 00:07:31,429
Or...Typendous or...
we'll figure it out.
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Tyrannis: Bard,
I'm gonna need something
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00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:39,887
soaring and inspirational
but also a little bit somber.
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00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:41,222
Don't be afraid to be upbeat.
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00:07:41,357 --> 00:07:42,982
Fear has no place
in my conquest. You got that?
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00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:44,725
Bard: Soaring, inspirational,
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00:07:44,894 --> 00:07:46,877
somber, and upbeat,
no fear.
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00:07:46,971 --> 00:07:48,988
Anything for you.
[Playing several notes]
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00:07:49,139 --> 00:07:50,990
Stupendous: If you're
done with the music,
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00:07:51,217 --> 00:07:52,992
I've laid out several
strategies here
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00:07:53,219 --> 00:07:54,885
for "our" dream invasion.
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00:07:54,904 --> 00:07:55,995
Tyrannis: Don't love
the tone, but--
235
00:07:56,222 --> 00:07:57,571
Timon: Ohh, what
have you got here?
236
00:07:57,665 --> 00:07:58,647
Mind if I take a look?
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00:07:58,741 --> 00:08:00,391
- Of course not!
- Of course, yes!
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00:08:00,484 --> 00:08:03,318
This is top-secret information,
and you don't have clearance!
239
00:08:03,487 --> 00:08:06,655
Now, get outta here, dentist!
240
00:08:06,749 --> 00:08:09,157
Stealing my job
may have been weirdly easy,
241
00:08:09,252 --> 00:08:12,403
but invading frickin' Persia
is complicated!
242
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:13,328
And what's this?
243
00:08:13,422 --> 00:08:15,072
[Bees buzzing]
Yogurt? Bees?
244
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:16,574
This is all for your
breakfast, isn't it?
245
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,743
Tyrannis: It's a very important
meal, which I've had.
246
00:08:18,853 --> 00:08:20,168
Delicious!
247
00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:23,264
So, I'd say let's pack it up
and get moving.
248
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:24,840
Let's go, troops!
We wouldn't want Persia
249
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:26,433
to come to us first,
would we?
250
00:08:26,602 --> 00:08:27,693
[Sheep bleating]
251
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,195
Stupendous:
Do you even have a plan?
252
00:08:29,364 --> 00:08:31,272
Tyrannis: I was thinking
I'd impose some of our superior
253
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,032
Krapopolian culture
on the Persians.
254
00:08:33,259 --> 00:08:35,259
Not necessarily impose,
just, you know,
255
00:08:35,352 --> 00:08:37,111
in case anyone
didn't get it at first.
256
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,612
Stupendous:
The invasion part, Ty.
257
00:08:38,706 --> 00:08:40,114
Tyrannis: Oh. Well, you said
you had some plans.
258
00:08:40,283 --> 00:08:41,599
Why don't we use
a couple of those?
259
00:08:41,617 --> 00:08:43,209
Stupendous: Do you even know
if we're walking
260
00:08:43,436 --> 00:08:44,435
in the right direction?
261
00:08:44,528 --> 00:08:45,378
Tyrannis: I...am
262
00:08:45,605 --> 00:08:47,713
going to roll the dice
and say yes.
263
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,365
- Ugh! You're right.
- Yes!
264
00:08:50,459 --> 00:08:52,034
♪
265
00:08:52,128 --> 00:08:53,460
Stupendous: This is
the only way to Persia.
266
00:08:53,555 --> 00:08:55,221
How are you gonna get
through when it feels like
267
00:08:55,372 --> 00:08:56,889
2 mountains are
hugging you to death?
268
00:08:57,116 --> 00:08:59,225
Tyrannis: Fellas,
let's get in formation.
269
00:09:00,469 --> 00:09:02,395
Stupendous: What the--
How did that work?
270
00:09:02,564 --> 00:09:04,063
Tyrannis: Exactly the shape
I was thinking of!
271
00:09:04,232 --> 00:09:05,623
And I'll be the pointy point.
272
00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:07,233
Stupendous: You can't
be the pointy point!
273
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,809
You'll be a sitting duck!
274
00:09:08,903 --> 00:09:10,978
Tyrannis: I'll hold a shield!
275
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,797
[Shield thuds]
You took me by surprise,
276
00:09:12,890 --> 00:09:14,574
which is exactly
what we're going to do
277
00:09:14,742 --> 00:09:16,467
to the Persian army.
278
00:09:16,636 --> 00:09:18,119
[Soldiers cheering]
279
00:09:19,414 --> 00:09:23,249
Deliria: A turtle
drinking piping-hot red wine?
280
00:09:23,418 --> 00:09:25,826
Like I wouldn't recognize
your signature drink.
281
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,571
[Laughing]
Oh, that is very funny, Shlub!
282
00:09:29,591 --> 00:09:30,756
Deliria: Hello.
283
00:09:30,983 --> 00:09:33,000
I'm in town
for an insurance convention.
284
00:09:33,169 --> 00:09:35,820
I don't know anyone.
Do you come here often?
285
00:09:35,913 --> 00:09:37,412
Turtle: I have
a feeling I will.
286
00:09:37,506 --> 00:09:41,083
Deliria: I think it's time
for a random animal entrance.
287
00:09:41,177 --> 00:09:44,495
Stupendous: [Humming]
288
00:09:44,588 --> 00:09:47,982
This is gonna be legendary.
[Pounding on door]
289
00:09:52,447 --> 00:09:54,322
[Growls]
290
00:09:57,009 --> 00:09:58,859
- Wow!
- I know, right?
291
00:09:58,953 --> 00:10:00,010
Get a load of this!
292
00:10:00,104 --> 00:10:02,496
[Screeching]
293
00:10:05,034 --> 00:10:06,626
Scott: You're
a friggin' genius!
294
00:10:06,853 --> 00:10:07,943
Hippocampus: I Know!
295
00:10:08,037 --> 00:10:09,353
Stupendous: I'm tellin' ya,
296
00:10:09,446 --> 00:10:10,946
you're not taking
adequate precautions.
297
00:10:11,115 --> 00:10:12,298
Watch out for falling goats.
298
00:10:12,525 --> 00:10:14,116
It sounds weird,
but it happens.
299
00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:15,693
[Goat bleating]
See?
300
00:10:15,786 --> 00:10:17,011
Barfus: I'm on it!
301
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,805
Tyrannis: Everyone,
thank Barfus for dinner!
302
00:10:20,032 --> 00:10:22,366
[Cheering]
Joshua: I've got the marinade!
303
00:10:22,385 --> 00:10:23,309
[Laughter]
304
00:10:23,536 --> 00:10:24,960
[Growls]
305
00:10:25,054 --> 00:10:27,129
Uhhhh!
306
00:10:27,223 --> 00:10:28,539
Tyrannis: Nobody freak out.
307
00:10:28,632 --> 00:10:30,724
Think of this like being
sat on by a servant
308
00:10:30,818 --> 00:10:32,042
during a thunderstorm.
309
00:10:32,211 --> 00:10:33,544
Stupendous: Why do you
think anyone
310
00:10:33,655 --> 00:10:34,820
would get that but you?
311
00:10:35,047 --> 00:10:36,638
Joshua: I can wrap my head
around the concept.
312
00:10:36,732 --> 00:10:38,065
Shlub: There she is!
313
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,992
I miss the real you,
although the other one
314
00:10:40,219 --> 00:10:41,827
did leave quite
the impression.
315
00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:44,555
You were a tiger.
Rrrowwwr!
316
00:10:44,573 --> 00:10:47,149
Shlub: And you were a chair!
[Grunts]
317
00:10:47,243 --> 00:10:48,893
Turtle: Another hot red, barman!
318
00:10:48,986 --> 00:10:51,245
- Oh, that's odd.
- A turtle in a bar?
319
00:10:51,339 --> 00:10:52,838
Seems perfectly normal to me.
320
00:10:53,007 --> 00:10:55,082
Deliria: That's not
the form you took earlier?
321
00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:57,843
Shlub: It is not.
I was a sort of tiger man,
322
00:10:58,070 --> 00:10:59,753
which I thought we were
just discussing.
323
00:10:59,922 --> 00:11:01,422
- Does this mean--
- Deliria, darling,
324
00:11:01,516 --> 00:11:04,183
you fooled around
with a turtle. Ha ha!
325
00:11:04,352 --> 00:11:06,018
Deliria: Well,
that means you did, too!
326
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:09,855
Not a turtle, but--Wait
a minute. Did you say "chair"?
327
00:11:10,082 --> 00:11:11,916
Shlub: Now, don't take
this the wrong way.
328
00:11:12,009 --> 00:11:13,693
Deliria: Did you sleep
with a chair, Shlub?
329
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,269
Shlub: I thought
you were a chair,
330
00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:16,845
so I humped that chair.
Deliria: A chair?!
331
00:11:16,864 --> 00:11:18,272
Shlub: Well, now, hold on.
332
00:11:18,482 --> 00:11:20,591
Deliria: How on Earth could
you think I was a chair?
333
00:11:20,609 --> 00:11:24,094
Shlub, this is a new low,
and not one of the good ones.
334
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:25,279
A chair?
335
00:11:25,373 --> 00:11:27,765
Shlub: Of all this world's
perversities,
336
00:11:27,934 --> 00:11:29,875
there is only
one I cannot abide:
337
00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:32,102
the kink-shame.
I'm off!
338
00:11:32,196 --> 00:11:36,048
Deliria: You can't walk out!
I'm walking out!
339
00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:39,944
Humiliating animal exit!
340
00:11:40,112 --> 00:11:42,204
Turtle: Well, that was
a cheap shot.
341
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,057
Scott: Wow, these
moths just keep showing up!
342
00:11:45,284 --> 00:11:47,685
They're relentless.
343
00:11:50,122 --> 00:11:51,046
[Striking]
344
00:11:51,140 --> 00:11:52,623
Scott: What are you doing?
345
00:11:52,716 --> 00:11:54,291
Hippocampus: Uh, just making
sure we can see the moths
346
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,293
when they attack?
Scott: Wait. Are you
347
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:57,628
deliberately bringing
the moths here?
348
00:11:57,721 --> 00:12:00,981
Hippocampus: What?
No, you crazy! That's--What?
349
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:03,058
Scott: Blow out the candle,
then!
350
00:12:03,227 --> 00:12:04,785
[Fluttering noise fades]
351
00:12:06,489 --> 00:12:08,230
Hippocampus: I really didn't
expect you to know
352
00:12:08,324 --> 00:12:09,473
that light attracts moths.
353
00:12:09,566 --> 00:12:13,669
Scott: I told you,
I'm a big bug guy!
354
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:17,239
Tyrannis: Uhhhh! Aah!
355
00:12:17,407 --> 00:12:18,240
Uhh!
356
00:12:18,408 --> 00:12:19,592
Ah!
357
00:12:20,486 --> 00:12:23,153
Do you see this over there?
That's friggin' Persia!
358
00:12:23,172 --> 00:12:24,505
Stupendous: I get it!
This whole day
359
00:12:24,673 --> 00:12:26,173
has been a luck-filled
tickle party,
360
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:28,124
but it's about to get real.
361
00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:30,160
You're gonna see blood comin'
out of places
362
00:12:30,254 --> 00:12:32,012
you didn't know blood was from.
363
00:12:32,106 --> 00:12:33,514
Tyrannis: Stupe,
you're freaking them out.
364
00:12:33,682 --> 00:12:36,183
Stupendous: I should
freak them out! That's war!
365
00:12:36,385 --> 00:12:39,503
And all due respect to your
suit, I think I should be
366
00:12:39,596 --> 00:12:40,929
at the front lines.
367
00:12:41,023 --> 00:12:42,597
I'm a master of
hand-to-hand combat.
368
00:12:42,691 --> 00:12:45,676
I feel like some time over
the course of today,
369
00:12:45,694 --> 00:12:46,786
we all forgot that.
370
00:12:46,954 --> 00:12:48,195
Tyrannis:
If it's so important to you
371
00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:50,239
to be at the front,
go ahead.
372
00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:52,274
[Tyrannis and Stupendous
yell]
373
00:12:52,368 --> 00:12:54,351
King of the Valley:
Ah, hello, hello!
374
00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:56,128
Sorry, I was just
washing my hair.
375
00:12:56,355 --> 00:12:58,113
I didn't expect anyone
at this hour.
376
00:12:58,207 --> 00:13:00,207
Invaders usually
wait until sundown.
377
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,026
Tyrannis:
See? Element of surprise.
378
00:13:02,119 --> 00:13:03,636
Stupendous:
Don't let your guard down.
379
00:13:03,805 --> 00:13:04,995
King of the Valley: Let
me guess--
380
00:13:05,047 --> 00:13:06,380
you're here to conquer us.
381
00:13:06,549 --> 00:13:08,123
Tyrannis: It's the suit
that gave it away, isn't it?
382
00:13:08,217 --> 00:13:09,867
King of the Valley:
I mean, it's a great suit.
383
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,627
But seriously, we're the
first city on the outskirts
384
00:13:12,796 --> 00:13:14,204
of the Persian empire.
385
00:13:14,298 --> 00:13:15,722
This kind of thing
happens all the time.
386
00:13:15,817 --> 00:13:17,465
Stupendous:
Where's your army?
387
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,134
King of the Valley: Hmm, at this
time of day? Probably napping,
388
00:13:19,378 --> 00:13:20,802
but they wouldn't get involved
with this anyway.
389
00:13:20,896 --> 00:13:23,305
Stupendous: They wouldn't get
involved with an invasion?
390
00:13:23,399 --> 00:13:24,882
King of the Valley:
Oh, if they did,
391
00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:26,400
they'd have no time
for their families!
392
00:13:26,494 --> 00:13:29,328
No, I'm serious.
This happens all the time.
393
00:13:29,479 --> 00:13:32,239
We don't really care
who's in charge.
394
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:34,575
So, feel free to
introduce a new religion.
395
00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:36,318
And, of course, we expect
some kind of tax,
396
00:13:36,412 --> 00:13:37,837
so don't worry about that.
397
00:13:38,005 --> 00:13:39,839
Oh, and some conquerors
like to impose
398
00:13:40,007 --> 00:13:41,915
their architectural style,
399
00:13:42,084 --> 00:13:44,492
which I think makes
the city pretty eclectic,
400
00:13:44,587 --> 00:13:45,827
so, yeah, go for it.
401
00:13:45,921 --> 00:13:47,329
We just ask that
you don't kill us.
402
00:13:47,423 --> 00:13:48,681
Tyrannis: I'm down for that.
Look at that, Stupe.
403
00:13:48,850 --> 00:13:50,074
It was that easy.
404
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:51,183
Stupendous:
Are you frickin' kidding me?
405
00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:52,743
You know there's
gotta be a catch.
406
00:13:52,761 --> 00:13:54,502
Tyrannis: Or maybe my instincts
were just right,
407
00:13:54,597 --> 00:13:55,837
like they have been
this whole time.
408
00:13:55,857 --> 00:13:57,097
Is that so hard to believe?
409
00:13:57,191 --> 00:13:59,083
Stupendous: Yes!
It's impossible to believe!
410
00:13:59,251 --> 00:14:00,918
Tyrannis: What are you
so upset about?
411
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:02,436
Stupendous:
What am I so upset about?
412
00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:04,605
You ruined conquering
Persia for me!
413
00:14:04,699 --> 00:14:06,014
Tyrannis: What?
But we did it!
414
00:14:06,183 --> 00:14:08,516
Stupendous: No, you did it.
This was my dream.
415
00:14:08,685 --> 00:14:10,110
King of the Valley:
We get invaded every day,
416
00:14:10,204 --> 00:14:11,762
but we don't see this
every day.
417
00:14:11,873 --> 00:14:13,947
Tyrannis: Maybe it was your
dream, but you never did it.
418
00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:15,616
That dream was up for grabs.
419
00:14:15,784 --> 00:14:17,359
I think you're just mad
because you lost your groove
420
00:14:17,453 --> 00:14:19,770
when your army left you
to make birdhouses.
421
00:14:19,881 --> 00:14:21,380
Stupendous: I hate you
in that suit!
422
00:14:21,549 --> 00:14:24,216
King of the Valley: Hoo-hoo!
That seemed pretty messy,
423
00:14:24,443 --> 00:14:28,220
but we've got a dynamite tub if
you want to clean yourself up.
424
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:30,556
OK, that didn't make
much sense,
425
00:14:30,783 --> 00:14:32,057
but you can take a bath.
426
00:14:32,894 --> 00:14:34,518
[Sniffs]
Please take a bath.
427
00:14:36,713 --> 00:14:38,455
Barkeep: So, you're
new around here, huh?
428
00:14:38,457 --> 00:14:40,566
Stupendous: Yeah. I heard
this was a soldiers' bar.
429
00:14:40,568 --> 00:14:42,476
Wanted to come be
around my people.
430
00:14:42,478 --> 00:14:44,795
Ohh, look who's up
from their naps!
431
00:14:44,964 --> 00:14:46,980
Cheers. You got a new
goof-off king.
432
00:14:47,149 --> 00:14:48,482
Persian soldier: Hey!
You're General Stupendous
433
00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:50,242
of Krapopolis, aren't you?
Stupendous: Uh-huh.
434
00:14:50,469 --> 00:14:52,560
I wish we could have met
under different circumstances
435
00:14:52,655 --> 00:14:54,154
because you look like
good strong guys
436
00:14:54,323 --> 00:14:56,564
who would put up a fight.
437
00:14:56,659 --> 00:14:57,658
[Slurps]
438
00:14:57,752 --> 00:14:59,734
A net?
Are you kidding me?
439
00:14:59,903 --> 00:15:01,462
Aah!
[Thud]
440
00:15:03,257 --> 00:15:04,998
King of the Valley:
King Ty? Your sister is back.
441
00:15:05,151 --> 00:15:06,166
Tyrannis: I don't want to
talk to her
442
00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:07,818
unless she's here
to apologize.
443
00:15:07,987 --> 00:15:09,336
Does she look sheepish?
444
00:15:09,505 --> 00:15:11,964
King of the Valley: I guess I've
seen a sheep in a cage before,
445
00:15:12,191 --> 00:15:13,323
so, yeah, kind of.
446
00:15:13,492 --> 00:15:14,825
Stupendous: I told you
there'd be a catch!
447
00:15:14,918 --> 00:15:15,935
I told you it
wouldn't be easy!
448
00:15:16,162 --> 00:15:17,494
Tyrannis: What is
happening here?
449
00:15:17,663 --> 00:15:19,121
We had a gentleman's
agreement about my takeover.
450
00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:20,755
I thought you were
conquered all the time.
451
00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:22,166
King of the Valley:
If you don't learn something
452
00:15:22,334 --> 00:15:23,517
every time you get conquered,
453
00:15:23,669 --> 00:15:25,593
what are you even doing
being the guy
454
00:15:25,688 --> 00:15:28,763
who runs the city on the far
reaches of the Persian empire?
455
00:15:28,857 --> 00:15:30,023
It's not personal.
456
00:15:30,117 --> 00:15:31,433
Tyrannis: I'm coming, Stupe!
457
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:32,618
Deliria: Shlub!
458
00:15:32,845 --> 00:15:35,012
I half-expected you to be
off on one of your
459
00:15:35,105 --> 00:15:36,288
lost centuries.
460
00:15:36,515 --> 00:15:38,015
Shlub: I owe you an apology.
461
00:15:38,108 --> 00:15:39,941
I wasn't mad about
the kink-shame,
462
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:42,186
which is, of course,
the ultimate kink.
463
00:15:42,204 --> 00:15:45,113
I was mad about the turtle
and ashamed to admit it.
464
00:15:45,132 --> 00:15:47,132
Deliria: Oh, the turtle
meant nothing.
465
00:15:47,359 --> 00:15:50,043
Honestly, it only appealed to me
because I thought it was you.
466
00:15:50,212 --> 00:15:53,288
Turtles don't normally talk, and
this one really talked like you.
467
00:15:53,382 --> 00:15:54,456
Shlub: Well, that's peculiar.
468
00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:55,882
Deliria: You know, it makes
me wonder
469
00:15:56,035 --> 00:15:57,234
if that turtle was
someone else
470
00:15:57,294 --> 00:15:58,460
who had
visited your wizard.
471
00:15:58,554 --> 00:16:00,795
Ha! Shagging a chair
is quite odd.
472
00:16:00,889 --> 00:16:02,297
Shlub: Its legs were very sexy.
473
00:16:02,391 --> 00:16:04,725
And I know how you are,
so I expected a challenge.
474
00:16:04,893 --> 00:16:06,134
What did you turn into anyway?
475
00:16:06,303 --> 00:16:08,153
Deliria: Oh, the dowdiest
mortal woman.
476
00:16:08,322 --> 00:16:09,637
You should have seen it.
477
00:16:09,732 --> 00:16:11,156
Shlub: Oh, I would have
been all over that.
478
00:16:11,325 --> 00:16:12,640
Deliria: I know!
479
00:16:12,735 --> 00:16:14,994
Shlub: Maybe we shouldn't
complicate things so much.
480
00:16:15,221 --> 00:16:17,145
Deliria:
Or...this was a success.
481
00:16:17,239 --> 00:16:19,498
We wanted to spice things up,
and we both felt jealousy
482
00:16:19,742 --> 00:16:23,318
for the first time--me for
a chair, you for a turtle--
483
00:16:23,412 --> 00:16:25,395
and I don't know
what criteria you use,
484
00:16:25,489 --> 00:16:28,007
but that's pretty
spicy to me.
485
00:16:28,158 --> 00:16:29,824
Shlub: You're right.
Now, come over here
486
00:16:29,918 --> 00:16:31,068
and let me sit on you.
487
00:16:31,237 --> 00:16:33,070
Scott: Why'd you do it, Hippo?
488
00:16:33,163 --> 00:16:34,829
Hippocampus:
I needed a win, OK?
489
00:16:34,923 --> 00:16:37,407
Everyone always expects
so much from me, and I keep
490
00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:39,501
churning out inventions
that never get used,
491
00:16:39,595 --> 00:16:41,745
and then the minute I can't
think of a good idea,
492
00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:44,672
my stupid brother shows up
in a confidence suit.
493
00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:47,342
Scott: That's gotta be tough,
but I don't know the feeling.
494
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:49,419
I wish someone would
expect something from me.
495
00:16:49,438 --> 00:16:52,256
My father wasn't really
around growing up, and I--
496
00:16:52,349 --> 00:16:53,699
Hippocampus:
I've got to stop you.
497
00:16:53,926 --> 00:16:55,592
I didn't even know you were
a palace guard until today.
498
00:16:55,685 --> 00:16:57,594
I can't pretend we have
this kind of relationship.
499
00:16:57,687 --> 00:16:59,687
We should probably just grab
a couple of mops
500
00:16:59,782 --> 00:17:01,022
and clean this up.
501
00:17:01,116 --> 00:17:02,374
Scott: If you're so hard up
for ideas,
502
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:04,877
why not invent something
that cleans up moth guts?
503
00:17:05,046 --> 00:17:07,362
Hippocampus:
That's not a bad idea!
504
00:17:07,456 --> 00:17:09,715
Thank you...
505
00:17:09,942 --> 00:17:11,717
Scott: Scott!
My name is Scott!
506
00:17:11,944 --> 00:17:12,959
I'm a palace guard!
507
00:17:13,054 --> 00:17:16,113
Why do you guys
never remember me?!
508
00:17:16,206 --> 00:17:17,447
Tyrannis: What is
going on here?
509
00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:18,891
Stupendous: They had
a strategy, Ty,
510
00:17:19,151 --> 00:17:20,392
which we should have had,
which I did have.
511
00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:22,210
Timon: And she was properly
wary of Barfus and me.
512
00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:24,379
Tyrannis: What? Why would anyone
be wary of you guys?
513
00:17:24,473 --> 00:17:26,790
Barfus: Because we're spies,
ya nimrod.
514
00:17:26,883 --> 00:17:27,974
Stupendous:
Of course they are.
515
00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:29,293
Tyrannis: But Timon
is a dentist.
516
00:17:29,386 --> 00:17:30,885
He talks about
it all the time.
517
00:17:30,979 --> 00:17:32,312
Timon: There's no such
thing as a dentist!
518
00:17:32,464 --> 00:17:33,888
Why would anyone
clean a tooth?
519
00:17:33,982 --> 00:17:36,558
It's just gonna get more food
on it the next time you eat.
520
00:17:36,726 --> 00:17:38,410
Tyrannis: But you put your
hands in all of our mouths.
521
00:17:38,637 --> 00:17:41,138
Barfus: You have no idea how
many times I wanted to tell you
522
00:17:41,231 --> 00:17:43,064
I thought you was right
and Ty was wrong,
523
00:17:43,084 --> 00:17:44,474
but part of being a spy
524
00:17:44,643 --> 00:17:46,977
is keeping
that sort of thing to yourself.
525
00:17:47,146 --> 00:17:48,754
Stupendous: I appreciate
that, Barfus.
526
00:17:48,981 --> 00:17:50,480
King of the Valley: First of
all, I want to thank you guys
527
00:17:50,574 --> 00:17:52,740
for this opportunity to
make some demands
528
00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:55,001
on another kingdom for a change.
529
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:56,670
It's super refreshing!
530
00:17:56,764 --> 00:17:58,488
Tyrannis: Can't you
just break out of that cage?
531
00:17:58,582 --> 00:18:00,657
Stupendous: Maybe,
if you'd apologize.
532
00:18:00,826 --> 00:18:02,008
Tyrannis: I'm sorry, OK?
You were right.
533
00:18:02,252 --> 00:18:03,751
Stupendous: Thank you!
Now, of course I can
534
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,329
break out of this cage,
535
00:18:05,422 --> 00:18:07,848
but I'm not gonna just take on
these guys on my own.
536
00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:09,591
I was right,
but I'm not stupid.
537
00:18:09,685 --> 00:18:12,093
You got us into this,
you gotta get us out.
538
00:18:12,187 --> 00:18:13,353
Tyrannis: What are the demands?
539
00:18:13,447 --> 00:18:15,005
King of the Valley:
Immediate retreat,
540
00:18:15,098 --> 00:18:16,189
and we get control
of the mountain pass
541
00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:17,507
you took to get in here.
542
00:18:17,601 --> 00:18:19,118
Stupendous: Make him
give up that suit.
543
00:18:19,269 --> 00:18:20,510
King of the Valley: All right,
I don't care.
544
00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:22,121
Stupendous:
Oh, and make him say,
545
00:18:22,348 --> 00:18:24,272
"I'm a silly king who
didn't know what I was doing
546
00:18:24,366 --> 00:18:26,032
and got in over my head."
547
00:18:26,185 --> 00:18:27,367
Tyrannis: Seriously, Stupe?
Why don't you tell us
548
00:18:27,536 --> 00:18:29,186
how you
let yourself get captured?
549
00:18:29,204 --> 00:18:30,462
I'm sure there wasn't
any silliness there.
550
00:18:30,689 --> 00:18:32,280
Persian Soldier:
She was drinking in our bar.
551
00:18:32,449 --> 00:18:34,191
Persian Soldier 2: We were
gonna go and get her after,
552
00:18:34,284 --> 00:18:36,135
but then there she was,
just sitting there in our bar.
553
00:18:36,303 --> 00:18:37,803
Persian soldier 1:
Our Persian soldier bar!
554
00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:39,196
Persian Soldier 2:
So, we were like,
555
00:18:39,365 --> 00:18:40,788
"Should we just
bust out the net?"
556
00:18:40,883 --> 00:18:42,549
Stupendous: OK, OK.
Truce.
557
00:18:42,701 --> 00:18:44,534
King of the
Valley: So...you guys good?
558
00:18:44,628 --> 00:18:47,462
- Hmm?
- Um, yeah...
559
00:18:47,556 --> 00:18:50,390
King of the Valley: I love it!
I'm gonna dine out on this story
560
00:18:50,484 --> 00:18:51,483
for a long time.
561
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,819
Soldier: Aah!
562
00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:55,729
Tyrannis:
Well, that was a bust.
563
00:18:55,823 --> 00:18:57,823
Stupendous: Yeah,
but can I be honest?
564
00:18:58,050 --> 00:18:59,399
I kind of do like suit you.
565
00:18:59,493 --> 00:19:01,142
I was in a rut, and you gave
me something
566
00:19:01,162 --> 00:19:02,310
to be excited about again.
567
00:19:02,479 --> 00:19:04,145
Tyrannis:
Thank you for saying that.
568
00:19:04,239 --> 00:19:06,723
Honestly, I got so wrapped up
in finally getting respect.
569
00:19:06,816 --> 00:19:08,000
At least we got off easy.
570
00:19:08,151 --> 00:19:09,668
Stupendous: Sure.
What could the Persians do
571
00:19:09,895 --> 00:19:12,729
with control of the only known
overland pass to Krapopolis
572
00:19:12,822 --> 00:19:14,840
and the knowledge of
when and how to cross it?
573
00:19:15,009 --> 00:19:16,658
Tyrannis: Let's call that
a tomorrow problem.
574
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,826
Bard: Ooh, what kind of song
would you like for this?
575
00:19:18,921 --> 00:19:20,179
An inspirational dirge?
576
00:19:20,406 --> 00:19:22,330
- Go to hell, Bard!
- Give it a rest, Bard.
577
00:19:22,424 --> 00:19:23,498
Tyrannis:
You know who I miss?
578
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:25,184
Stupendous:
That guy we yell at, yeah.
579
00:19:25,411 --> 00:19:27,335
Tyrannis: Uh, what's
his name? S...
580
00:19:27,429 --> 00:19:30,096
- Scooter.
- No. Scoo--Ska--Ska?
581
00:19:30,265 --> 00:19:31,598
Ska! Skaa...n.
582
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:34,067
Stupendous: Ugh! why did I
think it would be a good idea
583
00:19:34,195 --> 00:19:35,419
to do this in the dark?
584
00:19:35,512 --> 00:19:36,770
Tyrannis: Is that snow?
Is it snowing?
585
00:19:36,939 --> 00:19:38,346
Soldier: What?
Soldiers: Ohh...
586
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:39,923
Tyrannis: Everybody,
find your buddies and hold on.
587
00:19:40,016 --> 00:19:41,182
We can do this!
588
00:19:41,202 --> 00:19:42,684
Joshua: My buddy is a goat.
Is that OK?
589
00:19:42,852 --> 00:19:44,703
Stupendous: When we retaliate,
let's send Joshua
590
00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:46,038
to the front line.
591
00:19:46,189 --> 00:19:47,855
Tyrannis: I was thinking
exactly the same thing.
592
00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:51,210
Stupendous: Anybody
can be Skaan!
593
00:19:51,437 --> 00:19:52,769
Tyrannis and Stupendous:
Ha ha ha!
594
00:19:52,788 --> 00:19:56,381
Joshua: They're gonna find out
nobody laughs at Joshua.
595
00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:59,259
Heh heh heh!
596
00:19:59,795 --> 00:20:01,178
Joshua!
597
00:20:03,873 --> 00:20:05,724
Chira: So, did the suit not work
out?
598
00:20:05,951 --> 00:20:07,117
Tyrannis: No, it did.
599
00:20:07,302 --> 00:20:09,561
I conquered Persia, but then
I realized I didn't have
600
00:20:09,788 --> 00:20:12,122
to wear a different outfit
to be myself.
601
00:20:12,215 --> 00:20:13,899
Chira: Well, if everyone
has that realization,
602
00:20:14,068 --> 00:20:15,642
I'll be out of a job.
603
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,051
[Laughter]
604
00:20:17,145 --> 00:20:19,129
Also, sounds like
a pretty incomplete version
605
00:20:19,222 --> 00:20:20,981
of the story,
but I know what you're saying.
606
00:20:21,075 --> 00:20:23,558
Sometimes I feel like
I can't really be myself.
607
00:20:23,652 --> 00:20:25,469
Take my dead husband.
He took an arrow
608
00:20:25,637 --> 00:20:27,320
through the ear hole
in Mycenae.
609
00:20:27,489 --> 00:20:31,065
I toyed with the idea of selling
a hat that looked like that,
610
00:20:31,159 --> 00:20:32,918
with an arrow
through your head,
611
00:20:33,145 --> 00:20:34,736
but who's gonna buy
something fun like that
612
00:20:34,871 --> 00:20:35,754
from a war widow?
613
00:20:35,981 --> 00:20:37,163
People got no sense of humor.
614
00:20:37,332 --> 00:20:38,590
Tyrannis: Well, I think
it's pretty funny.
615
00:20:38,817 --> 00:20:41,576
Don't doubt yourself.
Chira: I appreciate that.
616
00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:42,910
Scott: Turn her back!
617
00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:44,263
Wizard: I have professional
integrity.
618
00:20:44,448 --> 00:20:46,581
I'm not gonna undo
any spell unless--
619
00:20:46,675 --> 00:20:48,082
Scott: Turn her back!
620
00:20:48,176 --> 00:20:49,083
Miriam, as the chair:
Oh, for God's sakes.
621
00:20:49,177 --> 00:20:50,251
Wizard, it's OK.
622
00:20:50,345 --> 00:20:52,012
Wizard: [Sighs]
Zap.
623
00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:53,438
Miriam: There, Scott.
Ya happy now?
624
00:20:53,665 --> 00:20:55,849
I mean, we just started
sleeping together, and you're
625
00:20:55,943 --> 00:20:57,350
already pulling this?
626
00:20:57,503 --> 00:20:59,761
Scott: Everything was going
great until this wizard--
627
00:20:59,855 --> 00:21:01,838
Wizard: Hey! Don't blame me
for your problems.
628
00:21:01,931 --> 00:21:03,949
I'm just an immigrant from the
North trying to make a living
629
00:21:04,176 --> 00:21:05,525
for my wizlands!
630
00:21:05,619 --> 00:21:07,511
Miriam: Look, Scott, if you want
to be with me, you have
631
00:21:07,621 --> 00:21:11,181
to understand that sometimes
I like to be a sexy chair.
632
00:21:11,274 --> 00:21:12,849
Scott: I'm fine with that!
633
00:21:12,942 --> 00:21:15,535
But just sometimes,
can you want to be
634
00:21:15,629 --> 00:21:18,855
a sexy chair with me?
635
00:21:18,874 --> 00:21:19,989
Miriam: Mm!
636
00:21:20,042 --> 00:21:21,374
Wizard: I hate these
slip-trip...
637
00:21:21,468 --> 00:21:24,694
[Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep
bleep]
638
00:21:24,788 --> 00:21:25,787
flappers.
639
00:21:25,881 --> 00:21:27,030
Oh, hey, Paizo.
640
00:21:27,199 --> 00:21:29,699
Miriam: You taste so good.
641
00:21:29,885 --> 00:21:31,310
Man: Did you get any of that?
642
00:21:33,722 --> 00:21:35,188
- Bento.
[People cheering]
46455
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