Original subtitles

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- Mom and dad, I'm scared.

We have to get out of here.

- There's nothing that anyone can do.

We're gonna die.

- That's right.

We're not going anywhere.

We're gonna stay right here

and die with dignity as a family.

- Dad, I hate you.

- You know, I had the weirdest dream last night.

I dreamed that when I woke up this morning

to take my morning shower,

I couldn't turn on the water.

- Excuse me.

Going to the little ladies' room

to powder my nose and take a dump.

"The Holy Book of Koran" by his holiness, Muhammad.

Chapter one.

In the beginning,

Yahweh stood motionlessly in the cafe.

Ordered a triple latte from the woman at the counter.

And then, when the barista handed it to him,

it was too hot.

So Yahweh threw it in the janitor's face.

The end.

Woo, I really stunk the place up.

Nobody go in there for a while.

- I suppose we ought to take a vote.

Everyone close their eyes.

Now keep them closed.

Now all in favor, raise your hand.

Keep them closed.

Now all opposed, raise your hands.

- Can we open our eyes now?

- Not yet, no peaking.

Now open your eyes.

- What was the results, daddy?

- Of what?

- The vote.

- It was a tie.

- Oh my God!

There something going on in my panties.

Ew.

- It's a egg.

- I just laid an egg.

This is so hot.

I just laid an egg.

- Ooh, let me get in on some of that.

- Stop, get your own.

- Fine, be like that then.

- Oh, fuck.

- Yeah, mom.

It's mines, get away.

It's beautiful!

I'm gonna love him and feed him and raise him.

- And what will you name him?

- I'll name him Mr. Peterson.

- He looks so hungry.

- I'll breastfeed him.

That's right, go ahead, Mr. Peterson.

Get that milk in you.

- Oh, gross.

I don't wanna die.

- I don't wanna die.

I'm gonna throw up.

- Wait, don't throw up yet.

Hold it in.

- I can't.

I have to throw up.

- Hold it for a second.

I'm gonna find something for you to throw up in.

- What about this can of chili?

- Yeah, open it, scoop it out so I can throw up in there.

- I'm not gonna waste a perfectly good can of chili.

And I ain't gonna eat it.

If you wanna throw up, you'll eat this can of chili.

- Eat it all up.

- Ew, it's disgusting!

- Get it all up in you.

- All done.

- Okay, that's good.

Now throw up.

- It's only half full.

Anyone else needs to go?

- Give to me, I gotta pee.

- Ooh, we can feed that to the baby.

- We're gonna die.

It looks like the last cockroaches survived the blast.

It looks like Greg or Samson

will get the last laugh after all.

- Calm down.

- I wish I could be a cockroach.

I would kill to be a cockroach.

- If I could only learn how to,

how to kill.

- Shut up, you fascist.

- He's dead.

You killed him, you fascist!

- No, he's just knocked out.

He's out cold.

- Yeah. - Good, I got a plan.

We're gonna teach him a lesson.

Get the bib and the diaper.

- Okay.

- Okay, let's wake him up.

When he comes to, we'll convince him that he's still a baby.

- How will that work?

- We'll convince him that he's still nine months old,

and that his whole life has just been a dream.

- What do you mean?

- Look, if we treat him like an infant,

he'll think that the last 40 years of his life

was just a terrible nightmare.

- You know as a matter of fact,

just last week, I had a terrible nightmare.

- Oh yeah, what happened?

- Well, I was in the bathroom.

- I can't eat.

I don't have a appetite.

- Do you ever have fantasies of returning to the womb?

- Returning to the womb?

Hm, that sounds great.

Can I, mom?

- Sure, climb up in.

Get up in there.

- Wait a minute, let me try this sideways.

- Wait a minute, let me get some butter.

- You know, it's no use.

- You know what?

You was adopted.

- Oh, that must be what it is.

- Oh my God.

I just realized something.

- What now?

- I threw my whole life away.

I never wanted a family.

My dream was to murder the president.

- Mommy, why did you wanna kill and murder the president?

- I wanted to use his blood

to oil the machinery of capitalism.

- Well, we're gonna die.

There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

- Go ahead, I'm listening.

- Well, I'm not really a man.

- Neither am I.

I've been lying to you all this time.

I'm not a woman.

- Neither am I.

- You know, I had a weird dream last month.

- Oh my God.

We died.

- Ugh, we're dead.

We're in the afterlife.

- Oh my God, we gotta get the hell out here.

- Will you just calm down, okay?

Calm down.

We'll get out of here.

We'll get out here as a family, with dignity.

- I'm raising money to help provide subtext for the.

- I always imagined that, that I would go to heaven.

Hot, hard heaven.

- I am blonde.

I am blonde.

I am blonde.

I am blonde.

Hello?

I'm blonde.

I'm blonde.

I am blonde.

I am blonde.

- How are you doing today?

Oh, that's good to know.

- I am blonde.

I am blonde.

I am blonde.

- It's for you.

It's Dr. Bedsore.

- Final Flesh.

How may I help you? - I am blonde.

- Hey, that's my heaven.

- Get your own.

God, make yourself known.

Show yourself.

- It's from God.

He's hungry.

- Are we just something fleeting thought

in your cold brain, Lord?

- It says, "You are in my womb."

- His womb?

We're all trapped in his womb.

- I got an idea.

The womb is near the belly,

so we could make him throw us up.

- Yeah.

If we make him vomit, we'll get out.

- Good idea.

- Yeah, good idea, well done. - USA!

- USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA!

- Stop.

This isn't working.

Maybe we can make God shit us out.

- I hope he shits me to the mall.

I'm a kangarooster.

- You know, this all reminds me when you were a body.

- Me push too hard.

Oh no, me shit my brains out.

Me feel, pleasure.

You're free.

Go on, little brain, swim home.

- You know Yin and Yang had a baby?

They named it Yoink.

- Hey, wait a second.

If the wet buffet of our life is over, where's the dessert?

- Here it is.

It says, "Stop Manipulating me."

"Stop Manipulating me."

"Stop manipulating me or I'll get you with a brain bomb?"

Psst.

I wonder what the hell she's thinking?

- Hey, I can't see anything.

There's an obstruction.

It's a brain bomb.

- It's a Mexican jumping dream.

Shh, I don't wanna wake him up.

He'll eat us alive.

- No, it's a brain baby.

Have you been mind fucked lately?

- No, mom.

Why do we want to leave here so bad?

- I think we can buy our way outta here.

We'll earn money by acting in movies.

All right?

So here, here's your scripts, take them.

- All right.

Oh God.

We are dead.

How can we get out of here?

- We can make money as actors.

Here, take your scripts.

- We got to find a way out of here.

Maybe via dramatic performance or via say,

oh, I don't know, these scripts?

Here.

- Oh no.

They keep handing me more scripts.

- This is stupid.

- Uh, it says you are supposed to swallow the paper.

- It says,

"One of you will die."

"It will be obvious which one."

- What are y'all looking at me for?

- What's that?

- It, it's emotions.

It's my emotions.

- Oh yes, honey.

Remember all the good times we've had.

- I, I don't have any arms.

Will you help me?

Will you do something for me?

- Of course, I will help you.

- Pick up this knife off here

and put it to your throat, hard.

Okay.

Now attain a state of spiritual harmony now.

Be at one with the infinite bliss of creation.

Do it.

- I'm, I'm trying.

- Do it or I'll slit your fuckin' throat.

Oneness.

- Wait, wait, I think it's working.

Yes.

I'm turning British.

- I brought you two crumpets.

What's going on here?

- Well, we're just, um, swimming to Spain.

Uh, yeah.

Ole!

- No, keep the knife off.

You look so pretty like that.

- Do I?

Why thank you, love.

- This is it.

On my death bed.

I'm dying.

- That's right.

You'll be dead within one minute.

- I want a separate tombstone for my nuts.

- I think we should have a talk.

You'll be dead in about 30 seconds,

and I'm leaving you for someone.

- You, you're breaking up with me?

- I've met someone new and we're in love.

Would you like to shake his hand?

- Yeah.

You know what, dude?

You can have her.

I just wanna watch you bang her, hard style.

- In the midst of debt, we are still in light, etc.

- She's babbling.

- Say goodbye.

- Can I see some ID?

Either orgy or angioplasty.

- He's dead.

Oh, Daddy, you killed him.

I know how to bring him back.

I can do it.

- Rape the shame from my balls?

- No, how to bring him back to life.

- Go, do it.

- Here goes nothing.

He is now nourishing me.

He is in my bloodstream,

revitalizing through the vessel of my body.

- Thank goodness it's working.

- He's coming back to life symbolically.

- Oh, oh.

Oh, oh!

Who ate my lunch?

- I had to, to save your life.

- Oh, oh.

Would, would God allow this?

- Hey God, I'll let you see me naked

if you show me what you look like.

- It says, "It's a deal, strip."

- Okay guys, here's the plan.

When God opens the door,

I'm gonna spit a mouthful of burning boric acid

into his face, and we'll escape through his scars.

- It burns. - Burns!

- Oh, it burns.

- It worked.

- We're going back to nature.

- Oh God.

We're alive again.

We're doomed.

- We're trapped in nature's infinite expanse.

I can't breathe.

I love it.

Mm, in a nutshell, I'm claustrophobic.

Listen, every one of my atoms is shrieking in agony,

but three are writhing in ecstasy.

There's one, on my thumb bone.

- Don't panic, I've taken care of the situation.

I've had it up to here with consciousness.

- Ah!

- I'll take care of this, watch.

- My stars, what a mess!

You're gonna clean the cosmos yourself.

- Oh, shirt.

I never learned to read.

I was born numb.

I've been bluffing all my sensations.

- They wanna make out.

Star-crossed lovers back together again.

- Shut up and mash backs.

- Oh gross, Mom and Daddy, yuck!

Do you remember the first time

I walked in on you two boning each other?

- Oh, that was the first night you were conceived.

Honey, I'm really a bird.

I was born a sparrow,

but nature gave me all these birth defects,

and look how I look.

- At least you weren't born with three dicks like me.

- But I only count one dick.

You only have one.

- Action.

- Oh, I never really noticed that before.

I just assumed there were three.

- You poor baby.

You poor, tiny, insignificant baby.

- It's okay, sweetie.

Show me what nature did to you.

And then do it to me, on me.

- Here's my pants.

Here's my ex pants.

- Oh.

You, utopia is a jar.

Look at the air.

The air is floating.

- You wanna see nature as a whole?

- Yeah, baby.

Aw yeah.

Show me more, baby.

Mm.

- Action.

- Sugar Foot, I'm gonna come so fast.

But the babies we're about to make

are already in this morning's obituaries.

Let's see.

Oh no.

It says the entire universe has been killed

in a Spanish boating accident.

I mean, uh, a French lying accident.

- Deja vu.

- But it's okay,

because the entire universe is being reincarnated

in its own protective shell.

- Deja vu.

- If my calculations are correct,

the universe should be right.

- Deja vu.

- I bet you can't use reverse psychology over her.

- Oh yeah?

Hear that?

- He says, "Bet you can't use reverse biology on him."

- Oh yeah?

I bet you can't give birth doggy style.

Why didn't you tell me I have children?

- 'Cause I don't see any flaws in you.

Okay, you fat dump.

- Well, why don't we use reverse democracy on them?

- It's Pope's blood to boil the parrot eggs.

- Ew, gross, mom and dad, get a room.

Now I only have two happy atoms left.

- Well, I'm sorry.

I'm not gonna apologize for my hypocrisy.

I'm gonna go take in our society.

- I wish I was you.

- Last night, I dreamed so hard.

Look what I found in my pants.

I wish that was you.

- And on the eighth day, God wiped.

- Look, it's a Powerball scratcher.

I won a trillion dollars!

Now that I'm trillionaire, I can control you with my mind.

- Yeah, right, and I'm a kangarooster.

What is my hand doing?

What's happening here?

Oh Daddy, my hand has a mind of its own.

I call it Miss Pearl.

Miss Pearl, you get your own damn man!

I don't know what's gotten into her today.

She's gone crazy.

I got an idea.

I can feel it kicking in my head like a baby.

- I'm gonna kick it back.

- Get her good, Mama, get her goat.

- Gosh, I wondered what we were like a trillion years ago.

- Heroes fly and flies ear our shit,

but who eat's their shit?

- Heroes.

- Heroes?

We are being bred to loaf.

- Bred?

I was born and raised by lesbians.

Wanna meet my daddy?

- Hi, Grandpa.

Get yourself some, Gramps.

I'm gonna kill your dinner with karate, hi-ya!

- You know,

I always had trouble really chewing the fat with my pops.

Just listen to him.

- Yeah?

Well, last night during sex,

you accidentally called out the Bible word for word.

- Aw, the truth hurts.

Angels!

Hundreds of angels, we're infested!

Oh!

- Shit, we can't go to church.

The priests all unionized and went on strike.

- Well, I signed a deal with the devil to get into heaven.

- Ah, I have to erase that Bible baby inside of me.

Mm, oh yeah.

All better.

- It's the same thing every Thanksgiving, remember?

Did Miss Pearl join the clan?

- Miss Pearl died and now she's haunting the house.

- Oh.

I always wanted a pet ghost.

Roll over, beg.

- Who murdered Miss Pearl?

Yummy, go shit.

- I wonder what we're doing.

- Let's find out.

I can't see.

What are we doing?

Do we deserve to suffer and die?

- Law, "For every case of pleasure experienced,"

"there must be equal pain."

- That gave me great pleasure.

- Well, now I have to even it out.

- Ooh, I just creamed in my demon.

- Well, now we're even because my hand hurts,

and this is God's logic.

- You've been troubled

ever since the moment you drizzled out of my dicks.

- I wonder what we're doing out there.

- There it is.

Everything that ever was, is out there.

- I hope these idiots don't find out about us.

- I can't feel my face.

Mommy, where did I come from?

- Well, when I had you in my belly,

you were just a little itty bitty bean sprout,

and daddy fucked you out.

- Here it is, the portal to pure love.

- The next thing out of your mouth will be pure truth.

- I'm eating for two.

- I'm dying for thousands.

Oh God.

- Action.

- In my shell, I can hear the ocean.

I can, I can, oh no!

On the beach, a murder!

- Mm. - Mm, yeah.

- Mm. - Ah.

- Ooh.

- Mm. - Oh yeah.

Oh shit yeah.

- Ooh yeah.

- Oh yeah, just like that.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh yeah. - Oh yeah.

- Mm. - Oh, fuck yeah.

- Mm. - Mm, yeah.

- Christ Jesus.

Just cut to feel.

Here, hold your arm out.

I'll show-

Here it is.

The last happy atom in the world.

I stole it off a chump.

- Cool.

Well, this is the end for us.

So let's get drunk.

- Party!

- Woo! - Woo!

- When I close my eyes, I disappear.

Oh no, the power and the glory.

- Shh, do you hear that?

It's everyone in the universe.

- I don't hear anything.

- Yeah, that's right.

They're all dead.

- Well then, why don't they just shut up?

Shut up!

- Shut up!

You woke us up!

Shut up!

My head is a dream in the pillow!

The bones of the air are breaking!

- Damn it, now I'm awake.

When I close my eyes, I appear.

- This all reminds me of the one time that I never ever,

even had one dream in my entire life.

- Don't worry.

I have a plan for our future.

Watch.

- Now let me explain 'cause this must have been confusing,

but let's say that this bowl of fruit

represents the universe.

- I want to eat the apple.

- No, let me finish.

Listen.

Now let's say that this apple, this apple is me.

- But I'm stomach hungry, appy.

- Shh!

If this apple is me, then I'll, ah!

Ah.

Ah!

Ah!

- He's dead.

You've, you've killed him dead.

You're gonna pay for this.

- That was yummy voodoo fruit.

- No, put that down forthwith.

- I found my cherry.

My innocence is back.

This all reminds me of a,

dream that I'm gonna have later tonight.

- Look, the atomic bomb is headed right at us!

- Oh God, it's heading right for my other tip, duck!

- Oh God, it's coming, oh!

- Oh. - Oh.

- It's coming.

- It's coming. - It's coming.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Oh, it's coming.

- Oh. - Oh.

- It's coming. - Oh, it's coming.

- Oh, it's coming. - Oh.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Oh, it's coming. - It's coming.

- Oh, it's coming. - Oh, it's coming.

- Oh. - Oh.

- It's coming, Oh. - Oh, it's coming.

- Oh God. - It's coming.

- It's coming.

Oh.

- It's coming, oh. - Oh.

- Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, oh.

- It's coming.

- Oh, it's coming.

- Oh, it's coming. - It's coming.

- It's coming. - Oh God.

- Oh, it's coming.

- Oh yes, oh yes. - Oh.

- Oh yes. - Oh!

- It's coming. - Oh!

- It's coming. - It's coming!

- Oh. - Oh!

- Oh, oh, oh yes. - Oh yes!

- Oh yes. - Oh yes!

- Oh.

- God is Lord. - God is Lord.

- It's coming. - It's coming.

- Nevermind, it's just a worldview.

A recipe for fuck.

Oh Lord.

- My body is shitting something.

- I know something you don't know.

Watch, fascist.

Yes,

yes,

yes.

- I got it.

What is the opposite of a mirror?

- There's nothing to read in here!

Come in here and let me read your palm!

- According to this, it says you're in trouble.

I can fix that.

- Oh, don't bother.

I don't really wanna live anymore.

But worry not, father,

for it is just my human sexual fetish, fetish, fetish!

- They say that she will walk in on me.

Watching me having sex.

Do you?

- Do you think I'm pretty?

Do you think I'm pretty, baby?

Am I pretty?

- Your beauty is a force.

Shit, your beauty's a weapon.

- Yeah.

My beauty is, dangerous.

My beauty is a weapon.

That's why I must commit optical suicide.

- No, don't do it!

Please look away, don't do it!

- Just back up.

I don't deserve to live.

I have nothing to live for.

- Please, mom, put it down.

You have so much to live for.

So much.

- Like what?

What do I have to live for?

- Well,

um,

hm, well.

Um.

- This dinner was a wonderful idea.

I love you.

Over.

- I'm sorry, I didn't copy that.

I'm having a bad connection.

Over.

- Nevermind.

Over.

- I'm getting a lot of interference.

- This is all part of my greatest fantasy.

Over.

- All I can hear is static.

Over.

- That is also part of my greatest fantasy, too.

What are you thinking, human?

- Nothing.

Over.

- Okay, I'm ready for the check, ma'am.

Come on!

- Oh yeah, Proxy.

Oh yeah, Proxy.

- Hey, who the hell is Proxy?

My name is Polly.

And my mouth is now closed for business.

- Hurry, quick.

- What?

- Please hurry, please.

- What do you need?

- Come on, hurry faster, don't just.

- Oh God.

I don't know what you need.

- But I refuse to say what I need.

Just hurry, hurry!

- Oh please, God.

- It's too late.

Nevermind.

- Will you ever forgive me?

You can't talk anymore?

You're struck forever silent?

Cursed with muteness?

- Quick announcement.

The owner of a blue Honda Opulence,

license plate 3-X-R

D-T-7-4

9-3-D

L-D-P-P-G

7-7-6

6-3-Y-I-B-A-B

V-D-4-U-K,

you are going to die alone.

All alone, along with everyone else in the world.

- Now, where were we?

And you can't talk?

- Last night, you were talking in your sleep.

- No I wasn't.

- Yes you were.

- No I wasn't.

- Yes you were.

- No I wasn't.

- Yes you were.

- Oh yeah, now, I remember.

- Yes you were.

- No I wasn't.

- Yes

you

were.

- No, I wasn't.

- Oh yes.

Now I remember.

We were both dead.

- They are dead.

I have killed them of natural causes.

Now I'm going to make them

have a beautiful bouncing dead baby boy.

But, I don't want it to be a sin.

Do you, dead Mom,

take dead Daddy to be your lawfully wedded corpse?

- I do.

- And do you, dead Daddy,

take this carcass to be your fuck buddy?

- Hey, hey, no turning back now.

Why is everybody so serious?

This isn't a funeral.

- Please just shut up.

I now pronounce you cadaver and corpse.

You may now hump the cadaver.

Push, push.

- Kill, kill.

- Tell her to push, to live.

To treasure the simple things, like strength.

- Ah, I feel refreshed.

Let's do this.

- Me too.

I miss death.

We're ghosts in fetal form.

- Yeah, it was a simpler time.

- Jeans were popular.

I can't stand this.

I'm gonna kill myself so we can go back there.

- Don't do it.

You have so much to live for.

- Like what?

- Well, remember that one time?

- Oh, my penis is leaking out!

- It's okay, I'll give it back.

- We'll be dead and forgotten.

You want to leave me, why?

You strong engine.

- Can a delicious dinner dream?

- Here's you.

The skeleton of space is scalding the flesh of flames.

Ooh, I have a secret other life.

- I have a secret other death.

I've been raising it in the fridge.

- Death is a prenatal memory. - Death is a prenatal memory.

- The existence of the universe

is the third greatest coincidence to ever happen.

Here is the second.