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The son of country music singer Colt Montana has died.

Colton Montana Jr. was killed

while serving his country in Iraq.

Everybody!

Wa-hoo!

Thank you, Tucson!

Play me off, boys, play me off.

Thank you!

Thank you!

I've managed all the greats, love.

Of course you know that.

Smash it, baby, smash it!

Of course, anyway,

Colt won't get out of bed for less than 100 grand.

Put it on my room, love; 11111. Thank you.

Call me tomorrow, we'll close the deal.

I love you, bye.

Sevens, mate! Woo!

Jeez...

Colt.

You've got a coupla guests who'd like to meet ya, mate.

Yeah.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Thanks again.

Make sure the casino's nice to these folks, okay?

Put 'em on the right slot machine!

Not the left one!

Yeah.

So, mate, how you feeling?

Oh, better 'n some, worse than others.

Those things're gonna kill you, ya know.

I am moderating, okay?

Brilliant job.

Baby!

That was such a good show!

How are you?!

Ooh, naughty!

All right, you caught me. You caught me.

Okay, the casino is having their slot mania tonight

and you know what I say...

I do, I do...

When the slots are spinning, Colt is winning!

All right, all right, you just take all y'all

and go on outta here.

I'll get cleaned up in the room and I'll meet you in the casino, okay?

I'll warm it up! You warm it up!

So cute! Uh!

Oh!

Christ!

So we've, uh, got a radio interview on K-PIG

at seven tomorrow, then?

In the morning?

Yeah. It's the #1 morning show.

I had to kiss the station manager's ass to get booked.

I'll kiss your ass to get it canceled.

Oh? Cheers.

Any word from the boys?

Umm,

no, not yet. I'll track them down again tomorrow.

Anyway, I've, uh,

I got a meetin' with the label next month.

The label? Why?

We both know you've got

one more great hit record left in you.

You... You... You walk a fine line between

optimism and stupidity, my friend.

Save that! It could be a cut on the next record!

And there's a fabulous article in Country Music Milestones.

They said...

Colt...?

Colt!

Oh, dear God!

Oh, there you go.

Thank you, chica.

Ooh. You see the culo on that one?

Mm!

That's my wife!

That... That lady right there.

The one that I just...?

And a lovely wife she is.

Conquian.

Shit!

I've been fishin' for an eight this entire game.

You been fishin' an empty river, boy.

There's no eights in Conquian.

You coulda told me that, ya know.

The only eight is in the 8,000 you now owe me.

All right.

Amigos.

Whatever the total is, I can assure you, all right.

Mi padre is good for it.

He thinks you pay me the 8,000.

Now!

Ohh...

Eight thousand.

Amigo.

Okay! Nope, okay. Definitely eight.

Can I at least finish my beer?

Okay, no beer then.

Oh, tequila. I will take a tequila, thank you.

Take 'em!

No need for the push!

Man, you... ain't gotta push me, all right.

Move it!

You got rough hands, man, you know that?

All right!

Thank you.

God!

All right...

Now that we've got this "no eights" shit sorted out,

I'm ready to clean your ass, amigo.

When's the next game?

Depends how this game goes, boy.

Touché.

Move it!

Okay! I'm...

Ah. J-Just... just...

Can I get... Can I get a little privacy?! Okay?

Let's go!

All right!

Move those fingers before I bust them!

All right, I don't know what the problem is,

but I can assure you fellas I'm good for it, okay, I just...

I need to make a phone call.

The time for calling has passed, amigo!

Okay. All right, ahh...

Get him, pendejo!

Get him!

There you are, puto!

Get in, Mav!

Get your ass in here, mate! Christ.

Ward! Dude! You have no idea how happy I am to see you, man!

Oh! God, how did you find me here?

How did you think? I tracked your credit card.

Yeah, about that...

Dude, somethin's up. Dad's card got declined.

I know, that's why I'm here.

Good. I mean, you know I got a couple of irons

in the fire as far as the whole personal income thing goes,

but if you could get that card up and runnin',

that would be beautiful.

Yeah... Mav...

Your Dad...

Yeah?

He's dead.

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doin'?

Yeah, I'm not a sex doll, Tally.

Hey, you keep sayin' you want a family.

My engine is running.

Yeah, I have to go work out before I go to the office.

Sex can be a workout.

You're funny.

I...

I'm your hammer! I'm your hammer!

That's it!

And three... two...

Done!

God! He's...

He's in incredible shape!

You keep sayin' that.

Yeah.

But so are you, though. You look good.

I'm so sweaty.

Well, that's how I like it!

I know. I need a shower.

Great!

Alone.

Come on, I'm gonna be late for work!

Okay, I get it.

I promise I'll have more time this weekend.

Okay...

It's a date.

Wow, you look beautiful as ever today.

Kissing my ass this early in the morning

means you want something, so what's on your agenda?

Ha! That's...

That's the big question, isn't it?

Look, as you know, I'm married to your beautiful daughter.

Mm.

And look, I've been a good soldier

for the family company.

Well, that's debatable.

Debatable?!

Sorry. Look, look, all I wanna do is talk about this

restitution judgment against me.

Oh, yes, well, there is that.

You know you advised your clients

to make excessive investments and trades

just so you could make more commissions.

Hmm. Because you told me to.

Yeah, I am sure I have no clue what you're talking about.

I'm not wearing a wire, Audrey.

All right, honey.

What's the ruling?

Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in seven days

or I go to jail.

Sounds like playground scare tactics to me.

They sound pretty serious.

Your father's rich.

Why don't you just ask him for the money?

Look, with all due respect, I would rather go to jail.

Well, with all due respect,

you may have to swallow your pride.

So, you would rather

watch your son-in-law be hauled away by the feds?

Well, I suppose that

could be a bit of a scar on the old family firm.

Yeah. Big one.

So, if you just loan me the money,

all this goes away.

It's a lot of money, Tally.

Audrey, it is.

And think about how that money could go to, say...

raising a child.

You and Jennifer are starting a family?

Yes, we are. And that's why I don't wanna tell her

about all this SEC stuff...

'cause it's just gonna stress her out.

And you know what they say?

Stress is nature's spermicide.

They say that, do they?

They do.

All right.

Let me be the spermicide to your stress.

That means I'm going to cover your nut for the SEC.

Audrey, yes! Oh!

I... I don't know how to thank you. Come here!

No, no, no.

Sorry.

But, a first grandchild.

That would be it!

Will do. I'm gonna go get started on that right away.

I love you! Thank you!

Good seeing you, as always.

No clue.

Honey, I hope you're ready,

'cause I am in a fantastic...

mood.

Ward.

What you doin' here?

I'm... uh. I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

Your dad.

He passed away.

Thought you had some bad news. Ha.

Tally.

What? The guy's an asshole. What do you want me to say?

Beer?

Beer.

Honey?

Tally, stop!

Jen...

how would you like me to react, huh?

Sobbing would be nice.

You did just find out that your father died.

Whatever.

Look, if you're here to ask me where Mav is, I have no idea.

I've got a bead on Mav.

I'm sorry I can't go with you to the will reading.

I'm lead counsel on the telecom merger.

You understand, right?

I get back tomorrow, so I'll see you then.

Okay. See ya.

Oh... Baby...

Lawrence Graves' office.

One moment, please.

Ah... hi?

Tally!

Hey.

Come here! Come to Mama!

Okay. Heh. Hi.

Tally!

Hey. Okay?

Oh... Oh, baby boy!

Yeah.

You look...

Well, as expected.

Thank you!

Yeah.

Thank you guys for coming.

Uh, yeah, he figured I owed him that much, so...

Now how is my ex-girlfriend doing, by the way?

When you gonna let that go?

You dated her for like a second.

Just never figured you one for sloppy seconds, that's all.

Guys, stop!

Everybody is somebody's sloppy seconds!

Sorry.

She's right. What do you say we conduct ourselves

with a modicum of civility just this once?

I can do that.

Good. After today, we never have to see each other again.

Aw, it's really tragic. Really.

Civility! Civility.

What?

Nothin'. I just can't believe you're wearing

cut-off sleeves right now.

It's typical. It's real typical.

You haven't seen me in two years,

and the first thing you do is you take a shot at my threads.

We're at a funeral.

- -Guys! - -Real mature.

It is not a funeral.

You know that. Dad didn't want a funeral.

Same difference. He wanted a will reading.

You're dressed like you're going to

a Duck Dynasty family reunion.

At least my tears are real, Tally.

Whatever.

Okay, guys, can you bury the hammer?

The hatchet.

You need...

You need to bury the hatchet.

You bury the t...

Y-You know, the thing?

It's real good to see you, Mav.

Glad to see you haven't changed a bit.

Right back at ya, buddy-boy.

It's really good to see you, Maxi.

Oh, come to Step-Mommy! Oh, poor baby.

You look amazing, by the way.

Oh! Oh! Okay!

Maxi!

Hi!

This is, uh, Lawrence Graves, Colt's attorney.

Hi, everybody.

I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances,

but I appreciate everybody making the effort.

Colt had a very specific way in which

he wanted his will to be read.

In fact,

I'm gonna let him read it to you.

This thing even on?

Hello?

Yeah.

Well, hi there.

I figure if you're watchin' this

then that means I must've already gone off

to that big show in the sky.

Oh my God! He's afraid of heights!

So that means yer sittin' there

wonderin' what in the hell is in it for you,

so why don't we get down to brass tacks, shall we?

First...

Maxi.

You have given me some of the most

amazing memories of my life.

You might be dumber than a box of rocks,

but you are my box of rocks.

I'm your box of rocks.

Everybody has to be wonderin'.

She's got a 4-carat diamond ring,

she's got those fantastic fake titties that I bought her...

What in the world do you leave a woman

who's got the entire world by the short 'n curlies?

I don't know... What?

My house in Vegas, that's what!

Yes! That is all yours, darlin'!

I know that you like nothin' better

than to swim naked in that pool back there.

And you ought to.

It's your best hobby, and you're damn good at it!

But you know this.

I'll be lookin' down at you spread eagle.

Thank you, Big Devil!

I'm gonna swim naked as a jaybird, just for you!

Uh!

Now the way I figure it,

Colt Jr. and I are sittin' together,

drinkin' tequila shooters at the pearly gates' bar.

Which leaves my other two sons.

Tally, let's face it.

There's a 50/50 chance whether or not

you're even in this room today.

Son, you got your mother's stubbornness.

And Mav.

Buddy, you're just a 100%, first class screw up.

You be damn proud. You got that from me.

Now I coulda been a better father.

Sure, but this isn't about me anymore,

it's about you.

So listen up.

If you want my share of the loot,

then you're gonna have to work for it.

Both of you are going on a little road trip.

And don't go thinkin' about one of you doin' it on your own.

It's not gonna work that way.

At each one of the stops is a briefcase.

On each one of the briefcases are two thumbprint scanners.

You have to put one thumb on one side,

one thumb on the other side.

When you do...

little sucker'll pop right open.

Ah! I know what you're thinkin'.

Mav, you cannot lift your brother's fingerprint

and put it on the scanner.

Doesn't work that way.

Oh, and you're each gonna get one of my motorcycles to ride.

That's the first part of your inheritance.

You want the rest,

gonna have to work for it.

All right. Good luck, boys.

Try not to kill each other.

Colt out!

Heh.

No. This is insane.

Tally...

Excuse me.

Tally! Wait! Tally.

Ward, look, I appreciate everything you done for us,

but I never asked for one thing when Dad was alive,

and I sure as hell don't need it now that he's dead.

Tally, you think I'm happy about this?

We have to. It's what Dad wanted.

You don't care about what Dad wanted.

You just need your inheritance

now that your bank account is dead.

Good luck to you.

You stuck-up piece of sh...

Mav!

Drama queens. Both of you!

Ripped and toned.

Ripped and toned.

Ripped and toned.

Ripped and toned.

- -Hammer! - -I'm your hammer.

I'm your hammer!

I'm comin'!

Nail me!

I'm your hammer! I'm your hammer!

Nail me!

Jen?!

Richie Stone?!

I want a divorce.

Damn!

Hello?

Tally. In light of our current circumstances,

I'm afraid I'm just gonna have to

cancel our little arrangement.

Wait. What?

I'm so sorry. And you're fired.

Audrey! Don't you...!

Don't you hang up. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Yeah, you would hang up on me, wouldn't ya? Huh?

Yeah.

Oh, no, no, no.

Goodbye.

Hey, if you think you can get away with this, honey,

you are sorely, sorely mistaken.

Because if I go to jail, you're gonna be sitting right there

next to me! You understand that?

Huh? You... Stupid! Stupid!

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

Yeah, that got your attention, didn't it?!

Tally?

Ward? Sorry, man, I...

I thought you were somebody else.

No. I got your message.

What's the haps, mate?

Look...

Suppose...

Yeah?

I did wanna collect my inheritance.

There's gotta be a way out of this road trip.

I don't think so.

Your dad arranged it all through his attorney.

Creep.

You're sure?

I'm sure.

You're like really sure?

I'm like sure.

One hundred percent positive?

I'm as positive as I am that "Jimmy Cracked Corn"!

That's hilarious, Ward. Hilarious.

Thank you.

Look, hey, I don't even know how to ride a motorcycle.

Well, Jack Kerouac.

You must get on the road.

Safe travels.

That's a nice office you got.

Yeah, I got ten of 'em.

I'm gonna franchise.

Oh, look who decided to show up.

I'm just doing this so you can get your money.

Wouldn't want you dyin' on the streets.

Oh, how thoughtful.

Here's your motorcycle permit.

Don't I got to take a test for this?

You already did.

Remember?

Oh.

Mmm. Would you look at that custom.

It's bitchin', right?

It's just like Colt Jr.'s. Except Colt Jr.'s

had chicks hanging off the side like barnacles, right?

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, shit.

That one's mine, isn't it?

Yup. It's good. If you have a vagina.

Shut it.

It's nice. It's got training wheels.

- -I said shut it! - -Boys. Boys!

Quit fighting like little girls. Okay?

Okay. Thumbprints here and here.

Here we go.

Well, well.

If this video is playin',

and you are watching it,

that means that you're together.

And that's a start.

Now. Your mission,

should you decide to accept it...

I've always wanted to say that.

I have! Okay...

Sorry.

I want you to take I-40 on past Wickenburg Road.

You are looking for...

"1014 Pine Creek Road."

Where you will meet your Uncle Elmer.

For real?

I thought it'd be a good idea for you boys

to get reacquainted with the kind of stock

you come from.

Let's get this misery over with.

Call me if you need anything, eh.

Dammit!

Stupid ass!

Ahh!

So. What do you think?

I've seen lots of dysfunctional families.

Some figure it out.

Some don't.

Oh.

Profound.

The throttle. The one on the right! Hit it!

I know! I know where it is!

You're a dumbass!

Just go! Just go!

Hey, I only got a quarter tank, man.

Let's stop at the next stop.

We got at least 48 miles.

We'll go to the next one, all right?!

How do you know that?!

How much farther?

Now what makes you think I would know that, huh?!

Well, just, pull over! Pull over! Pull over!

Let's stop for a second.

I told you! I told you we should have stopped for gas!

God, you'd think a quarter of a tank

would've gotten us this far.

And why are you not wearing a helmet, by the way?!

It's Arizona, dude. You don't have to.

Besides, it's all...

It's part of the personal brand thing.

Personal brand. You don't have a brand...

You don't even have a cell phone.

Yeah, of course I don't have a cell phone.

It's a part of the brand, okay!

It's very off-grid.

Off-grid?! You're not off-the-grid!

You're homeless! That's what you are!

You're homeless!

Gah!

I still can't get a signal!

See what the grid gets ya?

Shut up!

What're you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

It's a... It's a map, okay?

It's very consistent with the brand.

Very off-grid.

Whatever.

Oh, now you wanna look at it.

Just shut up.

We gotta be somewhere in here.

That's not 48 miles, Mav.

It's gotta be. Look at it. Look. This road right here.

And if we take this road, it's somewhere up there.

We can probably cut the distance in half.

It's the best option we got. Half?!

Half is still 20 or 30 miles! Th-That's not an option!

Okay, well you got a better idea?!

Yes, I do. I say we stay right here and we wait for a truck.

Oh?!

Oh, oh, we should stay right here and wait for a truck?!

You mean the truck that we haven't seen in two hours!

Yeah, then we're due, aren't we?!

Oh, okay! You do what you want!

I'm goin' that way, okay?!

Mav!

Fine, Mav, just wait!

We're gonna leave the bikes here.

We can move faster. I'll go with you.

What are you doin'?

What do you mean, what am I doing? It's...

It's the urn. Somebody might take it.

Oh, yeah.

Because, you know, ashes are a hot ticket for, you know,

rover desert bandits.

Bro. Colt Montana's urn on eBay.

It's worth at least 600, 700 bucks.

I'd steal it.

Well, if you're that concerned about it,

why didn't you just leave it with Ward?

I figured we'd dump it

when we get to wherever it is that we're going.

Dad would like that.

Well. You might as well just dump it right here.

He spent more time on the road than he did anywhere else.

Come on!

Here.

- -Come on, take it, man. - -I'm fine.

Just take it.

Please.

No! No, no! Mav! Mav!

Dude!

Hey!

Well...

Well, that's it! We're done!

All right, don't be so dramatic.

All right. Let's just go.

Dramatic?

Dramatic!

We are in the middle of nowhere!

Are you done?

Dammit.

This is it, isn't it, Mav?

This is where we die.

Hey, you think when Colt Jr. Was in Afghanistan

he sat there lookin' around,

and snivelin' like a little bitch?

Hell no, dude. He was...

He was out there, he was kickin' ass, and he was takin' names.

You make him sound like Rambo.

So?

He died by a mortar on his own base.

He was a tank mechanic.

Yeah, and without those tanks a whole lot fewer asses

would've been kicked and names taken, Tally,

so suck on them nipples!

Whatever.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, Tally, wake up!

There's a road!

What?!

There's a road!

Okay.

Oh, crap.

What?

Dude, your...

Your face...

It's all... jacked up!

Oh my God.

- -Mav. God. Oh my God. - -Sh... Oh, sh...

Like, dude, you slept in poison ivy!

What?!

You're like crazy allergic, right?

Yes!

Oh my God.

Dumbass!

Mav, I gotta go to a doctor!

I gotta get to a doctor!

All right, all right. Okay, well...

I can't see, Mav!

Hang on. I got you, all right.

I can't see!

Relax! Come on. I got you, Bro.

Get me outta here.

It's right up here. Let's go.

Car! Car!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Thank God!

Hey, thank you guys for stopping.

Look, w-we need help really bad.

If you could take us into the town...

No, no, no, no!

Ya know, maybe if you didn't look like a damn leper

somebody would stop!

Let's just go, all right? It's five miles, we can walk it.

I can barely stand, man.

Come on. We've got no other choice, let's go.

Okay.

Okay, boys, this is gonna be fun.

Let's say "ahh."

Ahh.

Yup! Mm-hm.

Just what I thought.

I'm gonna need you to stand up.

Okay.

Drop your pants.

What?!

Gotta drop 'em.

Trust me, I'm the doctor here.

Last I heard, I was a doctor.

Okay.

Okay... Just bear with me, okay?

Okay.

This might feel funny.

Okay... hee.

Ooh?!

Yeah. Wow!

All grown up, huh?

Yeah!

Woo-hoo!

Oh, gentle, Doc, damn!

Does he have a name?

Doc?!

What does this gotta do with anything?!

Absolutely nothin'.

What?! Christ!

God!

No doubt about it.

You got poison ivy.

Yeah, no shit, Doc. Good call there.

Hey, um... Hey, Doc?

Yup?

Where did you get your degree?

What degree?

Online.

"Online"?

Online? Online. He said... He said "online"?

- -What is that?! - -That's a big-ass needle!

It's a steroid shot.

It's the only thing that'll clear that up.

We usually use it on horses,

but in this case, this will do.

Okay, we're gonna have to get rid of the clothes, though.

Why?

You too.

Wait, what?!

Why?

Because you got the oil from the poison ivy

all over your clothes.

We have to burn them.

Burn them?

Yeah, we can disinfect the leather,

but as far as everything else, it's gotta go.

Wait a second. What are we supposed to wear?!

I don't know, but I need you to take down your pants again.

Wait, him or me?

Maybe we should take down your pants, too.

Just... you know, to be safe.

Hey, thanks, fellas!

All right, boys! See ya!

See ya.

I could literally eat the ass end out of an elephant.

What are you talkin' about?

I'm gonna get some grub.

Excuse me?

Howdy. What can I do ya for?

Well, we're a coupla young men that's stomachs need fillin'.

What do you got?

You come to the right place.

We got, uh, Skunk Jerky,

Pigeon Pâté,

Lizard Fritters, and, ah...

my personal favorite...

Toad Tempura.

Is tha... Is that road kill?!

Now what it is, is free range,

hormone-free, and locally grown.

I'll take three of each!

What about salad? You got any of that?

No.

Course not.

But we might have some kale out back.

I'll have the kale.

Is that bird shot?

You fellas wanna gas up?

Yes. Ahh.

Yeah, uh. I'm gonna hit the head.

Go ahead and fill up our bikes, Tally.

No, no, no...

Now that Dad's gone

I'm not gonna be your bank account.

Thank you.

Look, just take this one, man.

I'm... I'm short on funds. I can't...

Shocker.

Come on! Look...

I'll settle up when we get there, all right?

Sure you will.

It's been declined.

Well, go try it again.

Already run it twice. Declined.

Let me make a phone call.

It's probably the traveling. It's not a big deal.

Go drop the kids off at the pool.

Ahh, this is so freakin' crazy.

Dannell's Bank?

Ah, yes. This is, uh, Talladega Montana.

How may I help you?

Uh, look, my credit card doesn't seem to be working.

Yes, a Jennifer Montana closed those accounts this morning.

Bitch.

Excuse me?!

I'm not... I'm not talking to you.

Just, thank you for your time.

Appreciate it.

What's the deal?

It's what I thought.

It's just the traveling.

It'll be back up and running tomorrow.

Can I pay you with cash?

You take cash here?

Look, I'll settle up when we get there, all right?

Whatever.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Wonderful kale, by the way.

Oh my God!

Oh, God! That smells terrible!

It must've been that food we ate from the gas station.

Yeah I told you, lettuce can carry dysentery, Bro.

You shouldn't've ate that.

Dude!

You literally ate...

Ugh... Skunk peeled off a tire.

Yes, Tally, but it was a fresh skunk peeled off the tire.

There's a big difference.

Who knows how long that damn lettuce

had been sittin' there?

Hey, d'you ever hear Dad talk about Uncle Elmer?

Nope.

Hello, hello!

Mav! What are you doin'?!

Ah!

Hello?

Hello?!

Huh.

All right! Back it on up!

Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

Get yer hands where I can see 'em!

Okay! Okay!

Hands where I can see 'em!

Are y'all runaways from a nut house?!

Ah, j... No, Sir!

We're, uh, we're lookin' for a guy named "Uncle Elmer."

You're Colt's boys?

Yes, Sir.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll be damned!

So how is the old man?!

Uhh...

Dead.

Mercy.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

It-It just happened a couple of days ago, so...

W-We're kinda isolated out here.

Uhh. "We"?

Yeah, me and the family.

Colt...

Well, come on inside. I'll introduce you to 'em.

I'll get Emma to put some... to put some dinner on.

Ah, you know, Uncle Elmer, we're in a hurry.

Uh, we actually came looking for a...

That is nonsense!

Son. There's always time for family.

Now, come on!

Okay.

I see y'all found some clothes.

Ah, yeah.

Come on in!

All right!

Have a seat.

Any, uh, seat in particular?

Any seat that's not taken.

Okay.

Careful!

Uh...

What?!

You got eyes, boy?!

You almost sat on Aunt Mildred!

Oh? I'm so sorry, I...

Sit here!

There?

Oh, okay... All right.

Ah, is this, ah... Is this okay?

What's it look like?

Is that a trick question?

What?!

Nothing. Nothing.

Here you go, sweetheart.

What's that? Uh, where's my manners?

Honey, this is Colt's boys.

That's Tally.

And that's Mav.

Boys, this here's the reason I wake up in the mornin'.

It's my wife, Emma.

Uh...

Nice to...

Nice to meet you.

Um. Very... lovely dinner, Emma.

Food looks very delicious.

Let's eat!

Okay.

Wow! Heh! Wow. These ribs are very great, Emma.

So, um... Thank you. And... Mildred.

Moist 'n juicy! Just like you, buttercup!

Uhh, did, uh, Dad leave a... briefcase, maybe?

Or... DVD of some sort?

Mmm, doesn't ring a bell.

Nothing at all? A tape or...

Mmm... Nope.

Now that's enough talk about business.

It is not every day family comes to visit.

'Specially family from your side of the tree.

Uh. What... What side of the tree is that?

Well, see, Colt and I had the same Momma.

Let's just say...

I look awful lot like the milk man!

I know, Momma!

You always said I coulda been a comedian!

That's a good one.

Here's to Colt Montana.

Yeah.

Father.

Brother.

One helluva country music singer!

All right, Dad.

Now don't go bringin' that up tonight!

They ain't got nothin' to do with it!

Sorry.

Billy just ain't quite got over the fact yer daddy

broke the duo up.

The duo?

Oh, that's right.

Wait. Uh, I never heard Dad talk about a duo.

What happened?

Well... I think Colt just felt like he'd

stand a better shot goin' it alone.

Got up early one mornin'...

Went to Nashville...

That was that.

I'm sorry, Uncle Elmer.

So he ditched you, huh?

Son. If I'd gone off to Nashville...

I'd have never met my sweet Emma.

Far as I'm concerned...

that's worth more than all the fame in the world.

That is it! I have had it with you, boy!

You want the belt?!

You know, Uncle Elmer, this was wonderful.

Really, really, truly wonderful.

We have an early start tomorrow. We're gonna head up to bed.

Okay!

Just leave those.

Emma'll take care of it.

Okay.

Ah, thank you, Emma, Billy.

Excuse me, Aunt Mildred.

Billy, I'm changin' yer name to Catfish!

You all mouth and no brains!

He's nuts!

Yeah.

Let's get the hell outta here!

We're not leavin' without that briefcase!

Okay... Okay...

Let's go.

Them stars sure are beautiful tonight.

Ain't no lights from the city to drown them out.

Not a soul around for miles.

You know, before the fire,

there was a porch on the back.

That view's even better from the east.

Wish the view's all I lost that night.

Yer Daddy give me the money

to put this place back just the way it was.

Down to the square head nails and the framin' lumber.

Give me the money to make this place profitable again, too.

S... Somethin' missin' here, though, ain't there?

Hey, Uncle Elmer.

You have a very beautiful family.

Sure do. Sure do.

Hey, boys, look what I found!

This was in the closet upstairs.

I-I think, uh, this might be what you're lookin' for.

It is, Uncle Elmer. Thank you, thank you.

All right, well,

you made it to your Uncle Elmer's.

He is an original, isn't he?

Colt!

I know, I know, I know,

both his oars do not reach the water,

but that man is a better musician than I ever was.

I promise you that.

Now, I want you to go to the address

on that little piece of paper in the case...

Follow it to your Aunt Zelda's.

If she is still there,

she will know exactly what you need to do next.

If she is not...

you're screwed!

Nah, nah, she'll be there. Big Devil, out.

Zelda! Hell, I thought she's in jail down in Columbia!

Maybe she got parole?

She castrated a federale with a lawn dart.

Pretty sure parole was outta play.

I tell you one thing,

if Zelda's anything like she used to be,

ain't no tellin' what you boys are rollin' into.

Keep your head on a swivel...

Try not to get shot!

That's great.

Will do, Uncle Elmer. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for everything.

You boys take care, I... I put you some, uh...

some deviled hams and some crackers in here.

That'll travel good for ya.

I appreciate it. Thank you.

All right, keep between the ditches.

Okay.

Hey, Uncle Elmer.

Catch you on the way back?

Ya know, that'd be good.

Maybe then you boys can tell me what you wanna do.

Careful out there now!

Hey, what ya think he meant by that?

I don't know.

Maybe he thinks that, uh,

we'll give him money like Dad did with our inheritance.

There'd be worse ways to spend it.

Points to Pop, man.

Yeah, whatever. Let's get outta here.

Ignition, dumbass.

Yeah.

The hell is this? Some kind of convent?

What?

Bro. What if they're giving Aunt Zelda

some kind of exorcism?

Aunt Zelda must be sick.

Why? What makes you say that?

This is where Mom came to die.

Now, did we learn our lesson?

There a doorbell?

Don't walk in.

Aunt Zelda!

Hello?!

Reprobates!

Reprobates!

Okay! Okay!

We're looking for a woman named Zelda!

Tattooed!

She might have a crack pipe!

Hey! That'll be enough!

Get outta here. Go on, get out!

Go on! You old hens!

Quit your cacklin'!

Get!

What?!

Aunt Zelda?

Saw the news about Colt in the paper.

Took you little shits long enough.

You're a nun?

Somethin' wrong with turnin' over a new leaf?

Well, no, uh, I just figured...

you ever walked into a church you'd just burst into flames.

Yeah.

Funny.

The sisterhood knows to err is human,

but to forgive is divine.

I mean, surely if they knew everything you've done

they wouldn't let you in here, right?

Ha! Told 'em, they didn't care.

Everything?

All of it!

The sodomy?

Mmm... yep!

The drug dealers?

Uh-huh.

The sodomy of drug dealers?

Every... Every dirty detail,

I told 'em, they didn't care.

I'm guessin'... this is what you're here for.

Yes!

Thank you.

Diddle-wisps here, please.

These are your momma's ashes.

What Colt treasured this urn...

He wants you two boys to mix these ashes with his.

I don't know, spread 'em where you will.

Thank you.

Do you remember much about her?

Momma?

Bits and pieces, really.

I was six when she died, so...

Too damn young.

I was ten.

Well, if ever there was a woman destined for sainthood,

it was your momma.

Well, hey, she'd have to be

to put up with a guy like Dad, right?

You can think what you want, but he loved her.

He was never, never the same after she died.

Neither were we.

We needed our father around,

not somebody that pretended to be one

just when it suited him.

Hey, you watch yourself.

Do you know that, uh, the last two weeks Mom was here,

he wouldn't bring us to see her?

Now you wait a minute...

Couldn't bring his own boys to see their dying mother!

No, no, he'd rather play shows for drunk hillbillies.

Hell of a guy.

For your information, you spoiled little shit,

Colt didn't bring you here because your momma

didn't want you to see her like that.

He was honoring her wishes.

Oh, by abandoning her two boys.

Is that honoring her wishes?!

Well, he had a rough patch.

Ha!

He turned it around!

Please.

He donated a shitload of money to this place

and I wouldn't be here without him.

He snuck me in the pearly gates,

so to speak.

Yeah, I see what this is.

Tally! Tally, hey. Hey, dude!

Where ya goin'?

Mav, this is not a road trip.

This is the Colt Montana PR campaign.

He designed this whole trip so his buddies can tell us

how great he was.

Aunt Zelda.

Tally!

Aunt Zelda, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what's gotten into him.

Ya know, sometimes when we... lose those we love,

we direct that pain and anger

towards the loved ones that we still have with us.

Yeah, could be.

Or maybe he's just an asshole.

You are right about that.

Let's watch it.

Oh, okay.

So, you found your Aunt Zelda,

which means she's still a nun.

Now that there, boys, is a miracle on its own right.

Amen!

All right, from here on out,

I want you to travel to Big Jake's.

Directions are in the box.

You're lookin' for Jake Fillmore.

Talk at ya later.

Jake Fillmore.

I do hope you boys find what you're lookin' for.

I'm done, Ward!

What do you mean "done"?

I mean done.

I'm tired of Dad jerkin' us around.

I don't care about the money.

I'm not calling about the money.

Your, um... your friends at the SEC

gave me a jingle this morning.

Said you owe a shit ton of cash in the next 48 hours

or you're officially a fugitive.

Yeah. I know that, Ward.

Don't mean to be a gadfly,

but maybe now isn't the time

to let your foolish pride get in the way of saving your ass.

Well, hey, prison's gotta be better than this, doesn't it?

I wouldn't know. Ask Zelda.

How'd you know we were at Zelda's?

Oh, well, I watch the psychic channel,

you know that.

Oh, seriously, I, uh, figured your Dad would send you

to collect your mum's ashes.

All else okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Listen, mate, um, don't be stupid.

You can hate Colt as much as you want, but...

keep the bars off your windows. Mm?

Fine. I'll keep going, but I'm not happy about it, Ward.

Eh, happiness is overrated. Ha, ha, ha!

Yo, is everything all right?

Yeah. Good.

It's good.

Where to next?

Dad wants us to see some guy named Jake Fillmore.

Okay, well, uh...

Our bikes are running on fumes, so...

Yeah, you got those credit cards up and runnin'?

Uh... you know what, I don't know what's goin' on.

The system still seems to be down.

Well, we need to do somethin', man, we don't have money.

Yeah.

You boys must be desperate.

Desperate? I mean, that's a matter of opinion.

We're not desperate...

We just wanna sell a bike, that's all.

I like your, uh, your sleeveless look.

Takes a lot of confidence.

That a branding thing?

Yes! Yes! Yes, oh my God.

Yes! Finally somebody gets it.

Okay. Listen...

this trike sells on the floor for 25, we'll settle for 18.

I had a trike once.

Had pink tassels on the handlebars

and a Hello Kitty decal.

Yeah, I was three.

Nowadays, this is more my speed.

Uh, heh, he-hey, um, glad you like it...

Fine, 18 for the bike.

I'm not selling the bike!

I'll give you five.

E-Exactly.

Five? There is 400 miles on this thing!

What are you doing?

Take it or leave it, I mean...

If you had an autographed Ramones album,

or a mint '68 Stratocaster,

or a unicorn or something,

then we could talk.

Fine. Five thousand, cash, for the bike.

Hundred.

Hundred?!

Like I said. Take it, or leave it.

Uhh, could you just give us a second,

uh, we'll be... we'll be right back.

Dude, we will go down the street,

we'll find a place to sell it.

Let's trade it in. Okay?

I don't want to sell my bike.

Fine! Five hundred for the bike!

Cool! Let's go start the paperwork.

Look, I know you're the stock trader and all,

but this is a terrible business decision.

Hey. We need the cash, Mav. Okay? Come on.

I'm gonna buy that bike back.

This is robbery, is what it is!

Yeah, yeah.

Oh! Thank you.

I'll, uh,

throw in ten bucks for these dog tags.

Not a chance. They're my brother's.

Okay, well, you have my number.

I look forward to doing some more... business.

Flip ya for who rides bitch?

Foreclosure?

Huh.

Huh.

Hey, hey, hey. They're playin' poker.

Spot me a hundred bucks of my money.

Ha. Buy into a poker game where one guy's missing a hand

and another guy has a knife?

Yeah.

Absolutely not!

Come on, dude! Look at 'em,

they're a bunch of marks! I got this!

Wha...? No! Let's just find Jake Fillmore

and get the hell outta here.

Y'all good?

Uh, hey there, Sir.

How ya doin'?

Uh, lookin' for a guy named Jake Fillmore.

Jake Fillmore, right?

Jake Fillmore. Fillmore. Fillmore?

Fillmore, no? Big Jake?

What? Am I not saying that's right to you? C'mon...

Hello.

Never.

Never?

Never.

Have you seen me?

Have you seen me?!

Our dad just died.

Sexy.

Tally and Mav Montana!

Our dad possibly left a briefcase

or some visual element of some sort.

Is this a bridge troll thing? Do I need to solve a riddle?

Uh. I'm gonna hit the head.

Fine, whatever!

Ya know, I've been thinking,

I get why you got so upset earlier today.

Really?

Yeah. Uh, never really thought of it, but, uh,

I'm sorry you had to go through all that shit with Mom.

Well I... Heh. I appreciate that, Mav.

Deal me in, fellas.

How 'bout a beer while I wait for Jake Fillmore, or something?

Hey, it moves!

Must be a lefty, huh?

This guy gets it.

Thank you.

What is that?

Three?

Like three dollars?

Not even gonna say that, huh?

I swear to God, I'm leaving a scathing Yelp review.

Dammit.

Hey! What did I tell you about playin'

pok... er...!

You wanna back away from the table?!

Yeah!

We're in the middle of a hand, son!

Whoa! Oh my God! Oh my God!

I'm so sorry!

Thank you for your service, gentlemen.

Buy you a beer later. Yeah?

Got you a beer.

Wow. Thank you!

You know those guys your brother's playing?

Mm-hm.

They can be pretty rough.

I hope he knows what he's doing.

Well, I assure you he doesn't.

You have a nice chin.

I wouldn't mind having sex with you.

Wow, you're a...

Hot as shit. I know.

Yeah, a, well...

I was gonna say "forward" but...

Are you a virgin or something?

No!

No.

Bull! He cheated!

That's bullshit and you know it.

It ain't my fault you can't hold on

to your hand in a flush.

I've been playing cards for 30 years...

Nobody gets that kinda draw on the first damn hand.

All right, all right, just calm your titties, Denzel, okay?

Ow, ow, shit! You're strong... you're strong!

Are you gonna help him out?

Do I have to?

Uh-huh.

Hey! Guys, hey, uh...!

Uh... What if we, uh, take a breather?

Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, before we start

the rhinoplasty... maybe we could just...

Why don't we add his nose to the pot?

No! No, no, no, no.

Enough!

Where do you shaved-tail sons of bitches get off

makin' trouble in my bar?!

Ahh, listen!

Uhh, pirate king, Sir, uh,

th-that's my brother, and our... our dead dad sent us here.

You know what, long story.

Um. If you would just have Edward Scissorhand

kindly remove this from my septum,

we-we'll just get the hell outta here.

You Colt Montana's boys?

Yeah!

Nope.

No. No.

Uh. Yeah...

Mmm... Yes?

Why didn't you say so? All right, boys.

Been expectin' ya. Jake Fillmore.

Nice to meet you, Jake! Tally.

Mav.

Yeah. All right.

Let me punch him, Jake. Just once.

We'll see. Let's get a beer.

Here you go, Scuzz.

Nope.

So when your dad and I got discharged from the army,

I set up shop here.

And he, Mister Big Stuff,

was the house band, right there.

Oh, yeah?

I didn't know there was a stage back there.

Yeah, real stage we lost to the infestation.

Oh shit, termites?

Bobcats.

And you know this place

used to rock real good sometimes.

Not so much anymore, though.

Bank might close us down. Whatever.

Well maybe if you wouldn't give your beer away

you wouldn't have that problem.

Those guys are Vet buddies of mine.

Some have only got the shirts on their backs

and those are borrowed.

Seems messed up.

It's hard luck for boys who just signed up

to serve their country.

Yeah, ya know, I think some people enlist

just to run away from family problems.

Um, you said somethin' 'bout a tape

hanging around here or somethin'?

Uhh, yeah.

I haven't got a player,

but, uh, we can just close up early,

go to my place, have a barbecue.

You boys can watch it there.

You know what,

we've got DVDs in the hotel room...

We'd love to.

Well, all right then.

Okay.

So. How 'bout them Padres?

Hey everybody, uh,

gather 'round for a minute.

First of all, uh, thanks for comin'.

Short notice and everything.

As soldiers, we know better than most

that knife's edge between here and hereafter.

Today we met Talladega and Maverick Montana.

Their brother Colt Jr.'s one of those soldiers

we'll see on the other side.

I wanna say a little prayer.

Dear Lord,

we wanna take a moment to honor Colt Jr.

And the brothers and sisters that we've lost.

Please help keep us strong,

for we are soldiers, proud and true,

no matter what cards we're dealt.

And speaking of cards, Lord,

try and forgive that one there...

for cheating me at cards!

Oh, please, Lord... it was so obvious.

Uhm! Amen!

Amen!

Uh. One other thing.

This is, um, Colt Jr.'s interment flag.

Your Daddy made me promise

to get it to you guys safe and sound.

Thank you.

Now let's eat some beef! Come on!

Okay.

All right, boys, listen to me,

your next stop...

Turkey Track Road.

I know you're probably kickin' yourselves

now that you've heard it,

maybe even already figured it out.

But I have figured that there is no better place

for you two to end this journey, all right?

That's it, your Dad, CM, over and out.

Whoa!

I'm so sorry! Did you need to use...?

Mmm!

Did you need to use the bathroom?

- -No thank you. - -Okay.

Um, look, uh...

I-I just split up with my wife so...

you know.

Listen, I grew up in a military base.

And with my friends,

any goodbye could be the last goodbye.

Some point, I learned that

life is too short to be wasting time.

So why don't you ask yourself:

Is she really worth wasting time for?

Mmm. Yeah, look, here's the thing,

I haven't had, uh, sex in a long time, so...

Th... Um. This isn't gonna last very long.

All right. I'll race you.

Well, hey there...

Hey, gettin' some ice, huh?

"Gettin' some ice, huh?"

What?

Nothing. See ya outside, 'kay?

Fine. Ha!

You got the map, let's go.

What're you talking about, man? I just got my beer.

Stay awhile.

There. Better?

Mav!

Look, guys, excuse me. He's...

Hey, what's your problem?

My problem? You've had a fire up your ass

this entire trip. Now suddenly I try to move things along

and I'm the asshole?! Get on the bike.

Hey guys, uh, we're gonna take off.

Thank you so much for everything, Jake.

Be safe!

Hey, what about my helmet?

What about my helmet?!

Man, I could've been hit in the head

with a rock, man, let me... ride without a damn helmet!

Closed for the season, huh?

I don't recognize any of this, by the way.

Do you?

Mav!

Mav, wait a second, man!

Mav! Dang it. Mav!

Mav! Mav, dude, w...!

Just don't touch me, all right?!

What? What is your problem?

You're a dick, d'you know that?!

I saw you at the barbecue with Sofia!

So?

So?! Asshole!

You're married to my ex, Jennifer,

or-or did you just forget that, huh?

Oh, I'm... God, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were still

butt hurt over your high school crush!

Really?

Brotherhood means nothin' to you, does it?

What're you talkin' about?!

Tally, they put that flag on Colt Jr.'s casket.

You don't even give a shit, do you?

Colt Jr... No, I don't!

You know why?

'Cause I am so sick of everybody talkin' about

what kind of hero that guy was!

If he's such a hero, why did he walk out on us

just like our drunk-ass father?!

Ah!

I'm sorry, I-I...

No! No, no, no, no!

No...

Mav.

Just get away from it, okay?!

All right.

Me and Jen are getting a divorce.

What?

Walked in on her gettin' nailed by her fitness instructor.

Shit, dude...

That's rough.

She canceled the credit cards, didn't she?

Yep.

I'm a bigger screw-up than you by a long shot, buddy.

Heh. Naw, one little pesky divorce

doesn't even get you within striking distance of me, man.

Not just the divorce, Mav.

The reason I've been rushing this whole time is, ah...

I'm in trouble... with the SEC.

Football Conference?

No, no. It's money stuff. It's, uh...

I did some dishonest things to impress my mother-in-law.

CliffsNotes are: I pay 250 thousand dollars in two days...

or I go to jail.

Oh. Sh...

That's really messed up.

Yeah.

It's cold tonight!

Tell you this...

What's a night around a camp fire without a little brandy?

Hey! Where'd you get that?

Ah, Jake gave it to me. Back at his house.

He said, uh, he and Dad used to drink it way back in the day.

Hulls.

Yeah.

Ginger Brandy.

Good? Not bad!

Pussy.

Ha. Yeah, whatever, dude.

Hey, Tally, can I ask you somethin'?

Sure.

Why do you hate Dad so much?

How can you not?

Y'know, I never understood how you forgave him so easily.

I forgive him, man... all right,

so, so he drank too much,

he wasn't home. I get it.

But... It's not like he beat us or anything, man.

He was a flawed man for sure, I-I totally get that.

All right. Dad, I guess I can understand,

but Colt Jr.?

He left us, Mav.

He didn't have to go back for a second tour.

We needed him after Mom died, and he left. Just like Dad.

It-It's not like he joined the circus;

he did somethin' noble with his life,

he joined the service, it's...

You still don't get it.

No, you're right, I don't get it!

Please help me understand! He died!

Okay?! He died!

He never came back!

And I hate him for it.

I mean, he was the one constant in our lives.

That was our big brother, man!

The protector.

And he took off!

Before he left, I...

I never got the chance to tell him...

that I loved him. Ya know?

Yeah.

Are you sure he didn't give us a landmark,

or coordinates or anything?

I mean, we are literally in the middle of nowhere.

No! He just said we'd be kicking ourselves

for not recognizing it.

Yup.

We need that stupid-ass chuckle.

Yeah, you remember that chuckle?

Yeah. I know where we are!

You do?

Remember, I got that scar on my left leg

Colt Jr., he... pushed me off the front porch.

Heh! Oh, yeah.

Whew.

Heh.

Safe. Safe. Safe...

Found it!

Heh!

Huh.

Hello, boys!

Ward!

What...?

What are you, uh...

doin' here?

Yeah?

I'm here to collect what's rightfully mine!

Jeez!

Oh, shi...! Just put the gun down, all right?

You remember? We grew up together!

Ah. We're family!

Bollocks! You boys are family.

I'm nothin' but the loyal servant

who got shafted from the will!

All right.

What, hey... What... D-Did you... track us here?

Tallywacker, GPS tracker!

All the years I looked after your old man,

made 'im a star,

held his head when your mum died,

arranged his hookers after she was gone!

All the while, hating country music!

Hmm, and what do I get from it?

Me? Nothing! Bloody nothing!

Okay, hey!

Money?

Yeah!

Is that what this is about?

Yeah!

Take it. We don't need it.

Wh-Wh-What do you mean we don't need it?

I need the money! I can't...

We don't need it. It's just money.

He's right! It's just money.

And it's mine! Now open the safe!

What happens if we didn't?

I'll... shoot you both,

cut your hands off,

and open the safe myself.

You know, the thing is, I don't think you would.

I mean, come on, we grew up together, you know...

Oh, shit!

He shot you! He shot you!

You shot me! You shot me!

Ya know what? He told you he would!

I didn't think he would actually do it!

Well, he did it!

You want another one? Hmm?

Honestly, Ward, no!

I would be bummed if you shot me again!

Then open the safe!

Okay, okay. Just... Come on, come on, Tally.

You're an idiot, Ward.

Get up!

Just get up and open the safe!

Ah!

J-Just... Okay. All right. All right, just, c'mon, c'mon.

Okay. All right. We're-We're doin' it!

Thumbs up! Yep!

What the bleedin' hell?

Where's the money?!

We don't know!

There was supposed to be money in there, I-I...

The DV... you have to play that DVD!

You play the DVD!

You shot me!

You play the DVD.

Okay... all right...

Okay, all right.

It's good. Okay...

Well, boys, you made it.

Now this place was very, very special to your mom and I.

But, quite honestly, after she died,

the memories were just too painful.

But you can make your own memories, right here.

You can do that. And I want you to remember this, boys...

Every day you live is like another grain of sand

falling through that hourglass.

That's it?

Where's the money?!

Y-You heard the same thing we did, okay?!

There's no money!

Yeah! Ward, we don't know, that's it!

What a pisser!

Oh. God, okay, okay. Okay.

You calmed?

Yeah...

Now let's get my ass to the hospital because...

I'm losin' a lot of blood over here, okay?

Okay...

Aw, hell, I'm just screwin' with ya!

There's a false back on the safe. Just hit the bottom,

the sucker'll pop right open!

Now look, I have done what I could do for those in need,

I am a philanthropist of sorts,

so we're not talkin' about a huge fortune here.

The way I figure it,

between this money and my music catalogue,

this'll start you boys out on your fortune.

Okay? This's your Dad.

See you on the B side.

Now check it!

Okay, okay!

Dad, come on, don't let there be money in the back.

And, of course,

there's money in the back. Oh, shit.

Yeah, looks like I do have a reason

to kill both of you.

Okay!

You always were a wanker...

No!

Tally! What did you do?!

Wait a minute. No, no! I'm good.

My family jewels!

Damn eye patch!

Jake!

I was aimin' for his knees!

He went down like a stag!

How'd you, uh... How'd you find us?

Oh! I had one more message from your old man.

After you found the cabin,

I figured you boys might get lost. And...

Heard the shootin' and I thought:

Good God, maybe they've gone to killin' each other!

Play it, yeah.

Shut up! Stop whinin'.

Ow! Ow... Ow...

All right, no jokes this time.

I know our family's been a little,

well... dysfunctional.

But what family isn't?

By now you know the cabin and what money I had left

is yours to split between you.

But what you may not know

is I didn't just rebuild Elmer's ranch for him...

I bought it.

He's been my business partner ever since.

It's my hope that you boys will continue on with it.

But hell, you're grown men,

you can do whatever the hell you like.

I'm real proud of you boys.

Truth is, I always have been,

I just didn't know how to show it.

All the money and fame in the world is not worth a dime

if you don't have people to love and share it with.

So I leave you with this one last thought.

It's very simple, just like me.

I love you boys...

I always have and I always will.

You might not realize it now,

but you are gonna miss me when I'm gone...

Now go on out there,

give me a proper Irish funeral.

Everybody gets shit-faced!

This is CM, over and out.

To Dad, Mom, Colt Jr.

And every single person

that can't be here with us right now.

Here, here!

Here, here!

Ahh!

Shit...

Jake, one more thing!

What's this?

That is our inheritance.

Three hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars, cash.

It's for the bank note.

You guys should all have a place you can call home.

That's right.

I don't know what to say...

Eh... Comp us a couple beers, we'll call it even.

All right, well enough of this mopey crap, boys.

Let's have a party, huh?

You deserve it, Boss.

You, too.

I got you, buddy! Next game?

I won't punch you!

I got you.

Punch him. Somebody needs to.

Okay. I'll be over there in a sec.

Funny seeing you here...

I didn't think you'd actually show up.

You sold me a brand new Harley for 500 bucks!

Yeah...

I thought you might be dumb enough

to buy it back full retail.

Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah. Or you could, uh,

take me for a ride on your Harley...

Is that a metaphor for something or...?

Guess we'll find out...

So...

Yeah?

What about the restitution?

Well, hey.

With a little good behavior,

I'll be out in six to twelve months.

Mmm, good thing they allow conjugal visits.

Yeah.

You're close, come on!

I never could whistle.

Hey, bro, i-i-it's fine!

Uh... You know what you're doing,

you're makin' a slit, round your lips

and get a little moisture on 'em and...

You know, I used to play a Jew's Harp when I was a kid.

Yeah, exactly, it's a really difficult instrument...

This is totally different!

So? I wasn't no good at that either!

All right, well, uh, you know what?

You guys just take a five. I'm gonna go and get some ice.

When I come back,

I wanna hear some music outta you, Green Mile.

How do you... How do you...?

You're lookin' for Jake Fillmore.

Talk at ya later.

Shit!

I'm your hammer! I'm your...

That's it! I'm your hammer!

And three! Two!

Done!

So you really think I got what it takes to be a pop singer?

Oh, mate, with muscles like these,

you're gonna be a star!

Ripped and tone, like Richie Stone!

Woo, I can see my name in lights!

I see much more than that, mate!