Original subtitles

(Harvey Disher) That feels good, doesn't it?

Doesn't it, honey?

I got a great meal for you.

Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

That's a good girl.

Now you finish up all those vegetables.

I mixed it up for you just the way you like it.

Yes, I did.

Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

You're the prettiest baby on this farm.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Harvey.

Hello, James.

I figured you'd be here.

I heard she took another blue ribbon on Sunday.

That's right--we're going to Sacramento in three weeks.

Now why don't you two just get married already

and make it legal?

What the hell you talking about? She's a pig.

Harvey, it's a joke.

Well, it wasn't funny.

I was just down in the gulch. It's all still there, James.

I'm no fool.

You said you'd get rid of it by Friday.

Relax--we've been neighbors, what, 15 years? Right.

You're a businessman, right? Right.

$10,000. And I know you could use it.

This isn't about the money. It's about the law.

All right, I got it. You're a Boy Scout.

15 grand.

That'll buy you a whole lot of merit badges

and a pretty pink bonnet for your girlfriend too.

[snorting]

You keep that money,

'cause you're gonna need it for a lawyer.

I'm calling Sheriff Butterfield.

Harvey, wait.

Okay, you win.

I'll do it.

I will do it. I promise I'll get rid of it.

I promise.

But I can't do it tonight. Now, I need 24 hours.

That's all I'm asking--

one day, and it'll all be gone, guaranteed.

Okay. 24 hours.

Thank you, Harvey.

Good man. Good pig too.

[bluegrass music]

*

Do an allemande left and the other ones now.

Right to your honey and you balance for a while.

Now swing through, go two by two,

and balance again.

Now swing through--

[crackling]

[music stops]

*

Now, swing through, go two by two,

and balance again.

Did you hear that?

I didn't hear anything.

Hey! Hey, hold on!

Quiet down!

That sounded like a gunshot.

Oh, my God.

[exhales]

It's Nadine.

How are we gonna break the news to Harvey?

I don't think we have to.

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

* It's a jungle out there

* Disorder and confusion everywhere *

* No one seems to care

* Well, I do

* Hey, who's in charge here?

* It's a jungle out there

* Poison in the very air we breathe *

* You know what's in the water that you drink? *

* Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing *

* People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time *

* If you paid attention, you'd be worried too *

* You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much *

* Might just kill you

* I could be wrong now

* But I don't think so

* 'Cause it's a jungle out there *

* It's a jungle out there *

(Disher) This is it, room 109.

[toilet flushes]

He's flushing the drugs. We gotta take him now.

The captain said to wait.

No, no time. Let's do it.

Police officers! Police officers!

Watch her! Show me your hands--now!

Show me your hands! Right now!

Hands up! Hands on the wall! What are you doing?

What are you doing, you son of a bitch?

Against the wall... Oh, my God, leave him alone!

Usted esta detenido. No se mueve.

Tell your hooker to shut up.

My hooker? Who are you?

I'm a cop.

Wanna tell me what you just flushed down the toilet?

No! All right, Alfonso. We'll do it your way.

You have the right to remain silent--

(man) Who the hell is Alfonso?

...will be used against you in a--

Oh, Bernie! Oh, Bernie!

Get away!

Um...

Oh.

(man) There he goes!

Alfonso! Police--drop the gun!

Drop the gun!

I'm, uh--

I'm, uh, I'm really sorry, mister.

His name is Bernard Garrison.

He is a retired lawyer.

I'm not retired anymore.

Yeah, I've called his house.

Oh, there he is. He just walked in.

There you are. [slams down phone]

I've been trying to call you all--

Randy, don't do this.

It's effective as of noon today.

So I have, uh, nine minutes left.

If there's anything you need me to do quickly--

maybe some filing?

Now it's 8 minutes and 49 seconds.

Randy, I know how you feel.

You screwed up. Everybody screws up.

You're right.

Everybody does screw up.

But I am a screwup.

There's a difference. You need to sign for those.

We picked up Rivera this morning--

No thanks to me.

You don't have to worry about Garrison.

State's Attorney's negotiating with him.

He's gonna settle. They always do.

Randy... [sighs]

son, this badge represents ten years of your life.

Ten years of good work.

Captain, I'm done.

I'm leaving.

Hey, I already sublet my apartment.

You remember my uncle? Uncle Harvey?

Sure. The farmer.

The suicide.

Yeah, well, an estate lawyer called me last week.

He left me his farm.

You're kidding.

I know, I was gonna-- I was gonna sell the place,

but, you know, after this...

I'm gonna do it.

You're gonna do what?

Take it over, run the place, work the land.

Work the land.

What are you, Woody Guthrie?

Randy, you're not a farmer.

Well, you might be right.

All I know for sure is...

I'm not a cop.

I still can't believe they wanted $20

to deliver this stuff.

Who's laughin' now?

Yeah, we are. We're laughin'.

(Monk) Ha.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Dirt--that's dirt.

You're gonna drag dirt all through the kitchen.

Wait there. Don't move.

Come on, Mr. Monk. It's heavy! Don't move.

Hurry.

Sorry, I just--I have a thing about dirt.

It's just so dirty, you know?

[telephone rings]

I'll bet that's how it got its name.

Dirt.

[ringing] Forget it.

Phone.

[ringing]

Natalie, the telephone.

[sighs]

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Randy. It's Randy.

Nothing. Nothing much.

Just helping Natalie carry in some boxes.

How's it goin' up there?

Actually, Monk, that's why I'm calling.

Something came up.

You know about my uncle, right?

Your uncle-- the dead one?

Mr. Monk!

Well, they say he committed suicide.

But I started asking around,

and some things just don't add up.

Unless I'm wrong...

which I probably am.

Monk, do you think you can come up here

and take a look around?

You're on a farm.

It'll only take a few hours.

A few...hours.

O-on a farm?

Monk, I think somebody killed my uncle.

Randy, I'd like to. I really would.

But, um... you're on a farm.

He wants us to come up there?

Mr. Monk, I can't. Julie has school.

Natalie can't come. Sorry.

Monk, you can come alone.

Please. There's a bus.

Bus. To a farm.

A b-bus to the--

A bus. A bus?

Bus to the farm?

Hey, stranger. How's it going?

Of course he'll be there.

Don't be silly. You're family.

Tomorrow morning--I will put him on the bus myself.

A bus. A bus?

Take care.

[whispering] To the farm.

Thank you for letting me keep my bags up top.

Uh, is this where I get the bus to go back?

No!

[cows lowing]

Dirt.

[hammering]

[rooster crows]

[cow lows]

[man, droning] And these changes are like ripples on a pond.

But is that enough?

Are you satisfied being just a ripple?

No. Not a ripple.

You are a tidal wave. Say it with me.

I am a tidal wave.

I am a tidal wave.

I love and approve of myself,

though others may bitterly resent me.

Mr. D.

I live in the now, Hey, tidal wave.

pushing my fears into the past

and my inadequacies... You got company.

Who is it?

Funny fellow, kinda nervous.

Oh, it's Monk.

Okay, okay. I'm up.

I'm up.

Oh, hey, something smells good.

What's for breakfast?

It's lunch. Been up since 5:00.

O'clock?

Yes, o'clock.

Why?

I know, farm stuff.

You shoulda woken me up.

I did.

[coughing]

(Disher) You okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

It's just, you know... everything.

The earth and the outdoors.

All the animals and animal by-products.

Well, you know, all the food you eat

comes from farms just like this.

Not anymore.

Not as of the last 23 minutes.

[grunts]

Well, I love it.

I used to come up here every summer,

helping Uncle Harvey run the place.

Still can't believe it's all mine.

It's all mine.

It's my farm.

I own a farm. I'm the farmer in the dell.

Got that tractor runnin'.

Was it broken?

Since Tuesday.

But it's working now.

Good. Good, good, good man, Oates.

You feed the jerseys?

Yes, yes, I did.

Today? No, not today, exactly.

They gotta be fed every day.

Animals eat every day.

I'll do it.

Oates, Oates, would you tell Monk what you were telling me

the other day?

You mean about how you're not cut out to--

Oh, no, no, no. Um, about Uncle Harvey.

Well, I've been working this farm for 20 years.

Your uncle was a tad peculiar,

especially about Nadine.

Nadine?

Uh, his pig. It was like his child.

Old Harvey was a character. There's no denying it.

But it was just him and me up here.

I knew that man better than I knew myself.

I could live a thousand years

before I'd believe that he tried to do himself in.

Monk, can I show you something?

This is exactly how they found it.

They were gonna tow it away,

but I took another look.

Something just didn't feel right.

I covered it up, and I called you.

I'm glad you did. Really?

No.

Where was the pig?

She was right there on the road.

So according to the police,

your uncle was driving home,

lost control of the truck,

and accidentally ran over Nadine,

his beloved prize-winning 200-pound pig.

She was Pig of the Year three years in a row.

Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to...to meet her.

So he--he hit Nadine,

and then he careened off the road

and into the electric fence.

And he realized what he had done--

"Oh, my God, I killed the Pig of the Year."

And he was so depressed,

he was--he was so overcome with grief.

And he grabbed the rifle from that gun rack

and killed himself.

Right. That's the official version.

But look at this.

Uncle Harvey kept a handgun under the seat.

Why didn't he just use it? It would have been a lot easier.

So you think he was killed

by somebody who didn't know about the handgun.

Did he have any enemies?

Well, I've been asking around.

Two days before the accident,

he was seen arguing with Jimmy Belmont.

He's another farmer. He lives up the road.

Arguing about what?

Nobody knows.

People argue all the time, Randy.

Okay, okay, I know.

But what about this?

How did Nadine get out of her pen?

She was locked up 24/7,

and she wouldn't let anybody near her except Uncle Harvey.

Okay, yeah, maybe-- maybe she was drugged.

Where's the pig?

Maybe we could have them do an autopsy.

We ate her.

You ate the pig.

Yeah, I know. I'm an idiot.

No, you didn't-- No, I'm--

See, Monk? That's why I'm not a cop.

What kind of cop eats a crucial piece of evidence?

Mr. Disher.

I've been telling you all week

you gotta fix your fence-- you got deer all over the road.

You must be the famous Mr. Monk.

Disher talks about you all the time.

You gonna clean his house while you're here?

He's joking. We were jokin' with you.

Welcome to Chambers County, Mr. Monk.

Got a housewarming gift for you.

It's the case file, complete with photos.

But you're both wasting your time.

It was a suicide, sure as shootin'.

How do you know? Lenny and me were the first ones up here.

We were at the community center down the hill.

There's a big dance every month.

Someone heard a gunshot.

We were here four, maybe five minutes later.

You didn't see anybody else?

He was alone. I'm 100% sure.

The irrigation sprinklers were on,

the ground was muddy, there were no footprints,

by the truck, on the road--nowhere.

It was suicide-- sad but true.

Sheriff, we have to go.

I'm gonna need that back.

Uh, there's another dance tonight.

You can bring it with ya.

Well, I wasn't planning on going to the dance tonight.

I wasn't talkin' to you.

[clicks tongue]

Do something about those deer.

Yes, ma'am.

[engine turning]

Did she wink at me? I think she winked at me.

There's no footprints.

Monk, I'm sorry.

Guess I brought you out here for nothing.

Maybe not.

Maybe not.

She said that somebody at the dance heard the gunshot.

Check out who it was.

Jimmy Belmont. Yeah.

How far away is that dance hall?

I don't know. Half a mile?

You really think somebody could hear a gunshot

from that far away?

Especially if there was dancing and music playing?

I don't know, but...

we can find out.

Side ladies right, use a right arm swing.

Side ladies center with a left arm turn.

Head ladies center with a right arm turn.

*

Side ladies right, use a right arm swing.

Now slide to the center with a left arm turn.

Head ladies center with a right arm turn.

Now to the center with a left arm turn.

Now slide to the right with a right arm turn.

Slide to the center with a left arm turn,

again to the right with a left arm turn.

Lemonade!

Okay.

I made it myself.

Oh, then no, thank you.

Were you here last month?

I sure was.

I haven't missed a dance in 12 years.

Great. Did you hear the gunshot?

From the Disher Farm?

No, sir. I sure didn't.

[music ends]

Sir, did you hear the gunshot last month

from the Disher Farm?

Well, I can't say as I did, because I didn't.

(Sheriff Butterfield) Mr. Monk!

I was hoping you were gonna be here.

I'm going undercover tonight.

What do you think?

Oh, is this your first square dance?

I'm not here to dance.

Randy and I have a theory about the case.

[music starts] [shouting] Well, I have a theory too.

I think you really came here to dance.

Come on! No, no!

No, no, I can't. I can't!

I'm--I'm married.

Where's your wife?

She's dead.

To be honest, I've got mixed feelings about that.

On the one hand, I'm sorry for your loss.

On the other hand, here we go!

Loosen up.

What are you afraid of?

(Monk) Well...

it's a pretty long list.

Is Jimmy Belmont here?

Why?

Just curious.

He never comes to these things.

Wasn't he here a month ago?

Whoo! You're right, he was.

Did anybody else...

besides Belmont...

hear the shot?

No.

That is pretty odd, now that you mention it.

[music ends]

Mr. Monk!

[click]

Damn it.

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

I still can't believe I forgot to load the gun.

I tried yelling. Did you hear anything?

No.

Standing in the middle of the road

yelling bang for 20 minutes.

I'm just glad the captain wasn't there.

These things happen.

Yeah, to me.

They happen to me, Monk.

Okay, look, our little demonstration didn't work.

But you might be right about Jimmy Belmont.

That night a month ago

was the first dance he had been to in ten years.

And he was the only person there who heard the gunshot.

It's pretty suspicious.

Suspicion isn't proof.

You know, I'd still like to meet him, talk to him.

Well, it won't be easy. Belmont never leaves his farm,

and he don't like visitors.

But he is looking for a new farmhand.

No. No, no, I can't.

I--Randy, you know, I just can't.

Fine, Monk.

I don't blame you.

Forget it. Just--

Forget about me.

Look at us.

Losers all.

Hey, at least I don't have any kids.

It ends with me.

Hola, señor.

Entiendo que usted busca ayuda.

(Jimmy) Muchachos.

Este es Adrian. él empieza hoy.

Mira,

this is Raul y Raulito.

Raul es mi maldomo. El le mostrara alrededor.

Hmm.

[man speaking rapid Spanish]

Guarde sus cosas. Luego, arregla el techo.

[continues rapidly] ...y ayuda a Miguel.

¿Entiendo?

96.

[Monk coughing]

97.

98.

[man speaking Spanish]

Sí.

[continues in Spanish]

99...

[speaking Spanish] ¿Me entiendes?

Sí. Sí.

Sí. Sí.

Javier. Javier!

Eh?

Javier...vio jamas...

uh, usted,

al Señor Belmont...

luchar...

con señor-- No entiendo. No entiendo.

No, no.

Señor Belmont...

uh, lucho...

lucho con Señor Disher.

Lucharo, uh, discutir...

uh...

No. Yo nunca vi nada de eso.

Seven...

Eight.

¿Qué haces?

¿Hey, qué estas hacidendo?

[speaking Spanish]

Una cien. ¿Cien?

Uh, pastillas.

Pastillas... a hundred. One hundred.

Es bueno.

Estás loco. Mira, mira, mira.

[speaking Spanish]

No, no--

Okay, mira--

[baaing]

[baaing]

No [baaing]

No [baaing, sobbing]

[speaking Spanish]

[continues in Spanish]

Four salt blocks missing.

[speaking Spanish]

No se vaya más alla de los árboles.

ár-árboles?

Trees. But-- por qué?

Porque es una zona prohibida.

Es importante.

Alla es una zona prohibida. ¿Entiende?

Prohibida.

Prohibida.

Prohibited.

[cow lows]

Señor Monk.

Sí.

Tienes una ardilla en tus pantalones?

Sí.

¿Sí? Sí.

I just asked, "Have you got a squirrel in your pants?"

U-una...ardilla...

You don't speak any Spanish, do you?

Some. High school.

You gonna tell me what you're doing back here?

No.

You know, there are no secrets in a town like this.

I know all about you, former Detective Adrian Monk.

I heard you were dancing with Sheriff Butterfield last night.

Badly.

Heard you were askin' about me.

Well, here I am.

Now, you wanna ask me something, you go right ahead.

Okay. What's back there?

Let me guess.

Fields of reefer. Fields of reefer?

What kinda cop were you?

You know what I mean. Ditchweed.

Boo. The old Ali Baba.

What makes you think that I'd actually--

Magic dragon, bambalachi, Yellow Submarine,

Black Bart, Dr. Giggles, Kentucky Blue.

You know what I'm talkin' about.

I'm talkin' about Railroad Weed--that's right.

The Devil's Parsley.

Skunk, Splim, Splam, Mooster.

Side Salad.

Side Salad.

You've been supplementing your income.

What do you have, about 4 or 5 acres of marijuana back there?

Harvey Disher found it.

And he was threatening to turn you in.

[cocks rifle]

You killed him. Did I?

How?

See, Harvey Disher's truck went off the road at 10:30 pm.

That's a fact.

Hit the electric fence.

Everybody saw the lights go out.

I was in the dance hall,

half a mile away,

in front of 50 witnesses.

Now, you think you got enough for a search warrant?

Yeah, I don't either.

Not in this county.

It's time you were headed home, former Detective Adrian Monk.

Front gate's that way.

Go on ahead.

Go on.

Go on.

Bambalachi.

Reefer! Reef--[coughing]

[metal clattering]

(Oates) Mr. Monk?

Oates! Oates, thank God!

Where's Randy?

He's asleep.

I can't help but noticing

that you're handcuffing yourself to that grain drill.

I inhaled some reefer!

I gotcha.

It's gonna kick in any minute. Okay.

Here's the thing.

I can't tolerate any drugs or medication.

It's my metabolism.

I don't know what-- I don't know what's gonna...

happen to me.

I might go berserk.

I might hurt somebody!

Whoops.

Dude...here. Here.

Listen, whatever happens,

don't... don't unlock me.

No matter what I say, even if I'm begging you!

[metal clanking] Oh, my God.

Here it comes. Here it comes.

Oh, God! I think it's starting.

We're talking about marijuana, right?

Uh-oh!

Riverdance!

Oh!

Oh!

I--I can feel it.

I'm-- I'm getting hungry.

Did you have dinner?

We got some pecan pie in the fridge.

It's the munchies!

Don't-- whatever you do,

don't put anything near my mouth!

Can do!

But I gotta say...

you know, I've had some experience in this area,

and I don't think you're stoned at all.

No? Oh, no?

I see lights flickering!

Yeah, they're fireflies.

What was that? What was that?

It's 8:00!

Irrigation sprinklers.

Do they come on every night all over the property?

Every night.

Oates...

I know how he did it.

I know how Belmont killed Randy's uncle.

Get me outta this.

Okeydoke.

Son of a gun. You solved the case.

You figured all that out just now? Mm-hmm.

I can't quite get a handle on you, son.

One minute, you're handcuffing yourself

to a piece of farm machinery, sobbing like a schoolgirl.

The next minute, you're putting all the little pieces together

like Sherlock Holmes.

Which is the real Adrian Monk?

Yeah.

I like to think that a man is...

made up of many different--

I think it's the schoolgirl.

Yeah, you're probably right.

What do we do now?

Call the sheriff.

[groans]

What?

What is it?

Well, I was just thinking

it would have been nice

if Randy had been able to figure it all out.

He's been feeling pretty down about himself lately.

That's true.

Solving a big case like this one,

he would have felt like a cop again.

(male voice) You're a tiger, a wild carnivore,

stalking through the jungle.

I'm a tiger.

In the jungle.

I love and approve of myself

though others may bitterly resent me.

Randy.

You were right.

Belmont killed your uncle.

Killed my uncle.

[whispering] Here's what happened...

Morning.

Any coffee left?

Got a full pot. How'd you sleep?

[exhales]

Oh, fine, I guess.

[sniffs]

Eh, it's sour.

What kind of farm is this?

Don't even have any fresh cream.

Randy? What is it?

Mosquito.

So, fill me in on what happened on Belmont's farm.

Not much to tell. It was a dead end.

Ho-how 'bout you?

Any new thoughts

on the case?

No.

What? What--

what is it?

No, it's nothin'.

Wait!

Wait!

Wait a minute!

My God.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Monk, call the sheriff.

I think I solved the case.

I told you to do something about the deer.

Actually, sheriff, the deer in the road was a big clue,

was one of the keys to my solving the case.

What case? What am I doin' here?

Sheriff, you said this was important.

Well, I think solving a murder case is important.

Don't you, Mr. Belmont?

Here's what happened.

My uncle must have stumbled across your secret crop.

Oh, you know what I'm talking about--

fields of reefer.

You lured him up here.

We'll never know how,

but at some point, you hit him.

Probably from behind.

Then you put him in his pickup truck....

and you shot him.

You shot him point-blank in the head.

You're delusional.

Am I? Yeah.

Am I?

You're doing fine, Randy.

It had to look like a suicide.

You needed a motive.

So you killed or drugged Nadine and left her on the road.

Then you backed up the truck..

and put salt licks under the fender--

probably the same four salt licks

that are missing from your supply shed.

Then you went to the dance

and made sure you were seen.

It was a perfect alibi.

And that is how you did it, Mr. Belmont.

Um...I'm not following.

Hey, Randy, uh, I don't think you're quite done.

You mentioned that part about the...

[chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh]

sprinklers.

Yes. I'm not done yet.

The sprinklers!

At 8:00, the sprinklers kicked on

and melted the blocks of salt.

Touchdown!

When the lights flickered,

you were half a mile away in front of 50 witnesses.

As pretty a piece of homicide as I've ever encountered.

Where were you?

I--I guess I just-- I don't know.

(Disher) I understand.

You're in a slump. Don't worry--I've been there.

Just give it time, you'll be back.

It would explain a lot.

It would explain everything,

including the deer.

They were lickin' the salt.

Now, that is a nice story.

See, that's all it is.

Where's your proof?

Physical proof.

You don't have any, do you?

I think he's right.

Sheriff, do you have an evidence bag?

Monk, your pen.

This truck was never touched or moved, right?

[blows]

(Disher) Yes.

That's a fingerprint.

See that?

If this is your fingerprint,

that means you were the last person to operate that vehicle.

Is that proof enough?

(Deputy) Mr. Belmont,

could you wait in the cruiser?

You have the right to an attorney...

Lieutenant Disher.

Do the people a favor--

get your butt back to San Francisco.

You are a cop.

You don't belong here.

Mr. Monk, I don't know where you belong.

I got a feeling you don't know either.

But if you're ever in Chambers County again,

bring your dancing shoes.

[clicks tongue]

Gentlemen, now if you'll excuse me,

I got a prisoner to process.

What?

Nothing.

Why are you smiling?

I'm just proud to know you. That was good work.

What?

Why are you smiling?

Well, I guess I need to talk to the chief now.

No, you don't need to talk to anybody.

I never sent it down.

You've been sick. You had meningitis.

What's this?

I have a-- I have a new technique.

Go to sleep, wake up, case is solved.

[laughs] Good for you.

I don't know how I do it. It just happens.

Here, what are you working on?

A double homicide in the Castro--

Great, I'll take it.

Cold case? Yeah...

Good, I'll take that one too.

Hey.

I, um...

I missed you too.

All right.

See ya in a couple of hours.

[yawns]

Just try to keep it down a little bit.

Okay.

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