Original subtitles

.

- Previously on "Grosse Pointe Garden Society"...

- We could totally end up together!

- He's got a wife.

- He doesn't know he's adopted, does he?

I am the kid's biological mother.

You should join the baseball team.

It'd look good on your applications.

- I have arranged it

so you could invest in your dreams

and a grandbaby.

- This is straight-up blackmail.

- It's really important to Melissa

that we're all in a good place.

- I know a lot of deep-pocket people

who could help you get your car business off the ground.

- Connor was right about you.

He said you'd make me a lot of money.

- Guys, right now,

we gotta get this out of here.

- What have we done?

[Takako Minekawa's "Fantastic Cat"]

* *

- I like to tell my customers

that gardening isn't just about planting seeds.

Nature is full of surprises.

- * Fantastic cat *

- A flower isn't always just a flower.

- * I am a cat and like a girl *

* Fantastic cat *

- One sunflower is actually made up

of thousands of tiny flowers

held together on a single stalk.

- * Hoo, hoo, hoo *

* Fantastic cat *

- Dirt isn't just a layer of earth.

* *

- Oh! Oh!

- It has more organisms in one teaspoon

than there are people on the planet.

[beeping, line ringing]

[phone buzzing]

And those plants in your garden

aren't just sitting there quietly.

- [scoffs] What?

- They're busy talking to each other

through an underground network of fungi and bacteria.

- [scoffs] Wait.

Slow down.

- * Fantastic cat *

- So anyone can garden.

- How can we have frost?

- * Fantastic cat *

- This cannot be happening.

- It's way too early.

- The cup's in a month.

But to keep one alive,

you have to expect the unexpected.

[birds chirping]

[hair dryers whirring]

- Medium-low, everyone.

Keep the air slow and steady.

- It's gonna be fine.

- What makes you so sure?

- Because I keep my weed in the freezer,

and that stays fresh.

- Not how it works.

- We're just looking for a little volume, people,

not a stick-straight blowout.

- How are the marigolds?

- They're on life support. - Oh.

- That's where Marilyn's gonna be.

- Only if we tell her.

- Oh, she's definitely gonna know.

- How? She's in Frankenmuth buying garden flair.

- That's how.

- Donna! Don't you dare.

Donna, hang up the phone. - End call!

- Hang up the phone! - Hit End Call!

- Donna, now! - Hang up the phone, Donna!

- Bitch, get off!

- OK, now we just have to...

survive the thaw. - Yeah.

- Mother Nature's not winning this round.

Not on my watch.

[tools powering down]

[people groaning] - Oh.

[light music]

- Donna!

Flip the switch!

* *

What doesn't kill this garden only makes it stronger, people.

Come on!

- She might be more Marilyn than Marilyn.

- Mm-hmm. - [chuckles]

* *

- [sighs]

[curious music]

* *

[sighs]

* *

[gasps]

* *

- No heads up?

- I didn't wanna add to the stress.

- Could've texted. - You said it was triage.

- This is worse than a frost. - Breathe.

- [sighs] When?

- This morning.

- For how long? - Wouldn't say.

- Oh, my God.

- Breathe.

- Mom?

- My baby girl.

[light music]

* *

- Again.

More like that.

Keep your chest up over that front knee.

- Where'd you find this guy?

- I know a pitcher for the Tigers.

- Pays to have friends in high places.

- Actually, I dated him.

- Was he married too?

- I don't know what you mean.

- I saw you with Joel.

- Maybe you misunderstood.

- All over town.

- Throw it, don't pitch it. Quit aiming.

- [grunts] - Nice.

- It just happened.

[tense music]

- I stupidly trusted you cared about my son.

- I do.

- This is how you show it,

by ripping apart his family?

* *

- What do you want me to do?

- Choose.

My husband or my son.

* *

- Are you serious?

- Well, being a real mom means making tough choices.

* *

- What if I can't?

- I'll choose for you.

- If you tell him, he'll hate us both.

* *

- Then he'll just have to decide which mom to hate more.

* *

- That was amazing. [laughter]

- His fastball's nearly 90.

- I wasn't even warm. - [laughs]

- Is that enough to make the team?

- Eh, too early to tell.

He is a little wild.

- Oh, don't worry, we'll get him there.

We'll get him there.

- Keep working on that slider.

- [sighs]

- Come on, let's get to work.

* *

[buzzer blares]

[mellow music playing]

- Ahh. OK, that one's on me.

- No, no, no. Your money's no good tonight.

* *

- But we're celebrating you.

- No, but if it wasn't for you,

I wouldn't be able to afford any of this.

- All right, but if we're being honest,

we should toast to whoever bought that Camaro.

- Can you believe? A bidding war?

- Well, yeah, I saw the picture.

- Pretty cool, right?

- Real pimp, dawg.

- [chuckles]

So, um, things keep going the way they're going,

Steve, uh, thinks we should open a shop.

- Wouldn't you miss, uh, working the register

at the garden place?

- [chuckling]

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh. - Come here.

- You know them?

- Yeah. They're from my firm.

What's up, Danimal?

- We've been over this, Connor.

It's just Daniel.

- You gotta loosen up, man.

- How'd you like it if I called you

Corndog or something?

- Y'all grabbing some drinks?

- It's a bar, so...

* *

- Sure. Yeah.

Hey, all right, I'll, uh--yeah.

I'll catch you in the trenches mañana.

- Uh, they seem like dicks.

- Nah, they're good guys.

- Really? - Yeah.

You know, they're just a little threatened.

I mean, uh, nobody bills more hours than me,

and they know it. - Uh-huh. Gotcha.

- Plus, Danimal can't stand that I went to Yale Law.

He only went to Penn. - [scoffs]

That garbage pile. - [chuckles]

Yeah, but hey, I mean, it's-- it's all in good fun, right?

I mean, at the end of the day,

we respect each other like brothers.

[indistinct chatter]

- Well...

one thing's for sure, man.

- What's that?

- I got you all wrong.

* *

Whoo!

- Yes, sir. - [laughs]

- Two more, sir.

[upbeat music playing]

* *

- Black tie event in a couple of days.

- Fancy.

- I guess.

Uh, anyway,

took me a while to get everything.

- You look tired.

- Maybe double check, make sure it's what you need.

- I only get about 4 hours a night myself.

- Well, with your line of work...

- Now leave the rest to me.

- Wait, wait.

This is the only way, right?

I mean, in your, um, professional opinion?

- Guys like Connor deserve everything coming their way.

[dramatic music]

* *

- [sighs]

.

[upbeat music playing]

* *

- Hi.

I will have a skinny vanilla latte

with 2% milk and, uh,

one of those paintings on the wall.

* *

- Which one?

- Um, how 'bout that one, the Statue of Liberty thing?

- You mean "Lady Justice on Fire"?

- Yep, whatever.

- $2,004.53.

- Oh.

- I'll give you $2,100 for it.

- [scoffs]

No.

You can't afford this.

- $2,200.

- Do I hear $2,250?

- No, it's not an auction.

- $2,250.

- Cash or card? - Oh, um, card.

- Hey.

Wha--what are you doing?

What, so you're gonna-- you're gonna rack up

credit card debt just to prove a point?

- Well, it's better than being indebted to you.

- Eventually you're gonna have to pay it down, though.

- I am paying it down.

- On a teacher's salary?

- Teacher, cheer coach,

debate advisor, fall musical director.

We're doing "Into the Woods."

- Congratulations, Alice.

You have somehow found a way to make your life

more exhausting than having a baby.

- My uterus, my choice, Patty.

- [chuckles]

So how is your writing going?

- I'm sorry, who's actually buying the painting?

- I am.

- She'll pay for my latte too.

Don't ever come to me to bail you out again.

[tense music]

* *

- Sorry.

And an oat milk cappuccino, please.

- $2,012.42.

[chiming]

* *

- [scoffs]

Uh, what's all this?

- Breakfast.

- Uh, we're a family, not a platoon.

- A simple thank you would suffice.

- Thank you, but the kids are fine with cereal.

- Well, you and Tucker have to eat too.

- Tucker has a protein bar, and I do coffee.

- That is not enough to fuel your day.

- I've been skipping breakfast since the seventh grade.

- That's because we didn't know the effects

back then, like smoking.

[light music]

- Where's the coffee, Mom?

- In the cupboard, above the machine.

* *

- Please stop moving everything around.

- It just makes more sense for the coffee--

- I like my things where I like them.

* *

- Maybe if you ate breakfast, you wouldn't be so cranky.

* *

- Why are you doing this to me?

- You've got a lot going on right now.

- I don't need your help.

- I just don't want your family to slip through the cracks.

- The kids can handle it.

- What about your marriage?

- What's that supposed to mean?

- You've already caused enough damage.

[footsteps approaching]

- Chocolate chip pancakes?

- Can I have whipped cream?

- Yes. - No.

- Hey.

- I got those peanut butter protein bars you like.

- Ah.

Is that eggs B, Dianne? - Yes.

And there's hollandaise sauce on the stove here.

- Oh.

Come on, it's eggs B.

- OK, well, just be fast.

- Not too fast.

You don't wanna get a tummy ache.

- Well, I have a new listing to get to, so...

- Go ahead.

Grammie'll take 'em to school.

both: Yay.

- Can you also come pick us up from school?

- Yes, my little angel.

- More whipped cream, please.

[mellow music playing]

* *

- Oh, hi.

- Hey.

Thought I'd just let myself in.

- Yeah, of course.

- [clears throat]

Everything OK?

- I just didn't realize what time it was.

- Yeah.

One of these for me?

- Yeah, sure.

- So Ford was amazing in practice today.

- Mm.

- Scoop says he has, like, a killer slider.

- Amazing. - Yeah.

I can't believe I didn't make him stick with T-ball.

- Hmm.

Totally.

- You're acting weird.

- What?

I'm excited for Ford.

- Well, I thought you'd be excited to see me too.

- You distilling that vodka yourself?

* *

Oh.

Hello, Officer.

- Uh...

hi.

- What kind of trouble are you in now, darling?

- [chuckles]

Um, this is my friend Joel.

- I'm sorry.

Who are you?

- I suppose I'm also a friend.

- Right.

* *

Well, I suppose this is yours.

- Thank you...

for your service.

[chuckles]

- Could you give us a second?

- What am I doing here?

- I thought you were coming later.

- I mean, what is this?

- I don't know.

It's what it's always been.

- Yeah, I'm gonna need more than that.

- It's fun, OK?

You're fun.

- [chuckles]

Who the hell is that?

- My ex-husband.

- Which one?

- Does it matter?

- Well, I'm just trying to figure out

where I fit in here with your harem.

- You don't, OK?

- 'Cause what?

You slumming it with me?

- I didn't say that.

- Yeah.

You didn't have to.

- I'm sorry.

- I knew you were all kinds of trouble.

* *

- [vocalizing]

- Well...

If that doesn't keep a squirrel from nesting,

I don't know what will.

- He never would have accepted it any other way.

- Well, that was a performance worthy of the West End.

- Except no one wins an Olivier.

- Especially not you, dear.

* *

Oh, darling.

- [crying]

.

[bright music]

* *

- She warmed up the kids' PJs in the dryer last night.

- Sounds like a good thing.

- Sure, it's the best.

And now they expect it forever.

- Oh, eventually, they'll grow up.

- Nope. Tucker loves it too.

Monica!

Can we please put the domes in a straight line?

Like I asked 1,000 times?

Oh, my God.

- Well, your mom sounds like a real control freak.

- This morning, I found my vibrator in the dishwasher.

- You have a vibrator?

- Whoa, this is, like, the first thing

you've said all day.

- My drama is not as juicy as hers.

- I mostly use it for my neck, but every once in a while,

you know.

- Guys, I can hear you.

- How long is she staying?

- Till she can fix whatever's wrong with my life.

- My advice?

Get ahead of it before she takes your whole family down.

- Jeez, what happened to you?

- Yeah, are you OK, sweetie?

- I'm just gonna redecorate my house

until I don't feel anything anymore.

- Oh, do you need any art?

- No. - Say no.

- Oh, come on, I just need

a few more walls to store everything.

- Yeah, and by a few more walls,

she means all of your guest bedrooms.

- Your entire garage.

- Doug is just too prolific.

- Because he thinks he's actually selling them.

- Well, technically, he is.

- At your expense.

- [sighs]

I will deal with my own life later.

- Yeah, that's what I told myself

when I put Melissa through law school.

- No, it's not the same.

- Oh, then what's in it for you?

- Never having to see the look on his face if he found out.

[light music]

* *

- Gonna redo the entire interior, all leather,

put in rally gauges, uh, get rid of the drum brakes,

put in disc, you know.

- Will that cover it?

- Uh, yeah... [laughs] And then some.

- Well, consider the rest an advance.

- You really don't have to do that.

- Actually, I do.

- What--what do you mean?

- Uh, just doing a little housekeeping.

You know what I mean.

- I don't.

- Well, the IRS is doing their usual digging around.

Just gotta keep our noses clean for a minute.

- My nose is clean.

[laughter]

- Exactly.

Just like that, when they come knocking.

- Why are they knocking, Steve?

- Man, you are, like, scary good at this.

No wonder Connor put us together.

- I'm--I'm serious.

[birds chirping]

- Uh...

what did Connor tell you about me?

- None of this.

- All right.

So I got my hands in all types of things, right?

Uh, laundromats, car washes, lot of cash-based investments.

- Mm-hmm.

- And you know how greedy Uncle Sam can get.

So from time to time, I inflate a little in one,

put it in the other.

- So--so I've been laundering money for you?

- That's why I always take care of my partners.

- [scoffs]

We could get in a lot of trouble.

- Don't worry.

All right? Connor will fix it.

I've never done more than 30 days.

- Take it back.

- You're being crazy, Brett.

- I don't wanna be a part of this.

- I hate to say it,

but you already are.

* *

[door creaks, slams]

[Juniore's "Le Cannibale"]

* *

- [singing in French]

* *

[door creaking]

- Who's hungry?

- We already had dinner, Mommy.

- Grandma wanted Thai food.

- Plenty of leftovers.

[tense music]

* *

- Pad woon sen.

* *

- [chuckles] Mmm.

- So... [sighs]

Another trip around the sun, Mom.

- No, it's not for another week, honey.

- Like we won't be celebrating it all month.

- Stop. - [laughs]

- We wanted to do something special for you, Patty.

- Oh, Alice baked a killer cake.

- Ooh.

- I hate you wasting money on me.

- Well, it's my pleasure.

- Just wouldn't want you running up

your credit card on my account.

- [sighs]

- Coffee shop called.

Apparently somebody bought "Lady Justice on Fire."

- Well, that is wonderful news.

- Mm-hmm.

- So are we gonna get into this cake, or what?

- Hold that thought.

- [chuckles]

- I bet whoever bought it is

as incendiary as the subject matter.

- Well, they, uh--they don't tell you who bought it, Mom.

- You should ask.

- Why would we do that, Patty?

- Mm...

To thank his patron.

- Well, in that case, we should probably find out

who bought his very first painting.

'Cause that's who started this whole thing.

- Babe, I--

I actually don't care who bought them,

as long as they've got deep pockets.

- Well, I--I hope

that whoever bought it isn't in over their head.

- Well, good news. Not your money.

- You don't think I'm worth it, Mom?

- I do, babe.

- Thanks, baby.

* *

- You know, can you cut me a really big slice?

- Dad, she's gotta blow out the candles first.

- Make a wish, Patty.

* *

- Why doesn't everyone help me?

- Oh. - Mine already came true.

[tense music]

- [sighs] OK.

- Whoa. What?

- You know what my wish is?

For all this to stop, right now.

- What are you talking about, Dad?

- You gonna tell him?

- Keith--

- How 'bout you?

- Tell me what?

- No one's buying your art, son.

- But I'm selling it.

- Yeah, to these two.

- Is that true?

- Uh...

Just please let-- - [clears throat]

- Doug, let me explain. Doug.

Doug. - Doug. Dougie.

- Doug. - Dougie!

[screams]

[plate clanging]

- [breathing heavily]

[light music]

- Happy?

* *

- Maybe he'll actually sell that one.

.

- That's for stew pots.

- You could hurt your back bending--

- Stew pots down here,

saucepans up here.

Stew, sauce.

Sauce, stew.

- Someone didn't have their pad woon sen.

- Someone's not hungry.

- You're gonna take it out on me?

Go ahead. That's what I'm here for.

- Take what out, Mom? - What you've done.

- It was an affair. It happened.

It's over, OK?

- It would've been nice to hear it from you.

- See, that's exactly why I didn't tell you.

- To embarrass me in front of half the town?

- Because I knew you would make it all about you.

God forbid you would ever think to ask about how I feel.

- What about your family?

- Or how unhappy I must have been.

- I just don't want you to end up alone.

- You know who's gonna end up alone?

- Cathy, please.

- You have to control everything.

So you push and push and push and...

[somber music]

* *

- What is this? - Your to-go bag.

- Where am I going?

- Home.

* *

[mellow music playing]

* *

[door creaking]

* *

- Don't bother.

- But it's really good cake.

- * I need you *

* I love you *

- You know, the worst part is I, um...

I actually believed it was real.

* *

- I could not hate myself more.

- Well, my mom lit this fire.

- I let it burn.

- Yeah.

Why?

- You were so happy.

I wanted to believe it was real too.

- [sighs]

* *

You know what is real?

- What?

- Being the regional director at the sign company.

* *

[pounding on door] Hey, Connor!

Open up! - Jesus, Brett.

- Tell your husband to get his ass out here.

- OK. Will you keep your voice down?

- Get that lame-ass dick down here, now!

- What is wrong with you?

- The investor he introduced me to

is, like, a career criminal.

- Yeah, why would he do that?

- He's trying to make me take the fall for his shady client.

- Everything OK?

- Oh, yay, look who's here.

- Mel, you good?

- No, she's not, Connor,

'cause I'm about to explain to her

how she married a total crook.

- You know what, Brett? Enough.

- OK, fine.

Explain yourself, man.

- Explain what?

- Why you feel the need to torture people like me.

- I'd like you to leave. - I'd like you to leave.

- You're on my property, pal.

- Why don't you come make me, pal?

- Hey, no, don't-- - Hey! Stop!

Brett, stop it. - No, stop. No.

That's enough. Hey. Come On.

- Snapped my wrist! You happy? - Brett.

- You don't get to just do this!

You hear me? It's over!

You're done! - OK.

- I am going to end you!

[elevator bell dings]

[festive music playing]

- * Jingle all the way *

- Hold up.

[button clacking]

* *

Morning.

[light music]

[button clacks]

* *

.

[light music]

- What's the prognosis?

- Looks stable.

- Color's coming back.

- I think she's gonna pull through.

- Soil's good to go. Let's get our garden on.

[crow cawing]

- Where is everyone?

- Uh, it's just us today.

- Why?

* *

- Nobody wanted to come.

- [scoffs] Are they tired?

- Sorta.

- Like, they're sick? - Kinda.

- They're all sick?

- Of you, OK?

- Sorry, sweetie.

- What did I do?

- You just pushed 'em a little too hard.

* *

- [sighs]

- Another low and away.

- [chuckles]

You sure this kid's not 25?

- You think he should be on the team?

- Which one? - His high school?

- [chuckles] No.

- But he needs it for college.

- No, not with an arm like that, he doesn't.

- What do you mean?

- He could go straight to the pros.

- [exhales sharply]

[S+C+A+R+R's "You're the One"]

* *

- Am I doing OK?

- You're doing great!

* *

- * Love *

* Dove *

* Nah *

* But you're the one *

* *

* A baby dove *

* A dove *

* We fly *

* Will you come *

* *

- Hello?

Mom?

- * We fly *

* Will you come *

* *

* Dove *

* A dove *

* We fly *

- Mom?

- * Will you come *

- Mom, are you here?

- * Dove *

* A dove *

* We fly *

* Will you come *

- Oh, Mom...

Hey.

Where's Daddy?

- He left.

- When's he coming back?

- Never.

[poignant music]

* *

- Why didn't you say anything?

- It's embarrassing.

- Mommy...

- And you were dealing with enough.

* *

- I should have asked if you were unhappy.

- Not your job, baby.

* *

- You gave him a perfect life for 40 years.

* *

- It just wasn't the one he wanted.

* *

- I think I can be a lot.

- If you were any less, you wouldn't be my mom.

* *

- I'm in a lot of trouble.

- How can I help?

- Well, uh, heard you guys

were the best with, uh, government tax stuff.

- My grandfather started this firm a million years ago,

so I just try not to mess it up.

- Well, uh, he definitely

wouldn't be too happy with my situation.

- What do you mean, Brett?

- One of your partners is the reason I'm in trouble.

[tense music]

- Which one?

* *

If nothing else, we pride ourselves on integrity, Connor.

* *

- Tell Gramps I can't wait to sue this firm.

- Just be thankful you're not being disbarred.

* *

- This was a giant mistake, Patrick.

* *

- The mistake was hiring you.

* *

.

[ice rattling]

[Trance Farmers' "Lone Star"]

* *

- Hey, creeper. - Hey.

Is it, uh, cool that I'm here?

- Yeah.

You want a drink?

- For real?

- Like a juice box or something?

- [chuckles] You have juice boxes?

* *

- What's going on?

- So I was reading your book.

- Really?

What'd you think?

- Some parts weren't boring.

- You're not exactly the demo, OK?

- I didn't know, uh, you were from Grand Rapids.

- Mm.

Couldn't wait to leave. - Yeah.

Well, I can't imagine you had a ton

of pregnant friends in high school.

- I still got voted prom queen.

- Yeah, right, with your boyfriend.

- Someone made it to chapter five.

- Captain of the baseball team.

* *

- Was he? Huh.

I just remember him being kinda hot.

- Is he the one who knocked you up?

- Why does it matter?

- Well, it'd just explain a lot.

- Like what?

- Like why you came out of nowhere,

giving me a scholarship I didn't deserve.

- [scoffs] We've been over this.

- And then the tutors and the coaching.

- You're an investment.

* *

- I think I'm more than that.

* *

- Coach wanted to see my birth certificate to prove my age.

- OK.

* *

- I was born in Grand Rapids too.

* *

- Why are you showing me this?

- Because my mom always told me this story

about how she was on a road trip

when she went into labor with me.

And it just never made any sense.

* *

- Maybe you should ask her about it again.

* *

- Yeah.

* *

I guess coach was wrong about my arm.

- Come on.

A pro like him knows God-given talent when he sees it.

* *

- Not God.

Genetics.

* *

- [exhales shakily]

- What is with cleaning ladies and spatial relations?

You know, we've had three in the past year.

None of them have been able to get this tray to stick right.

- How are you so fine with what happened the other night?

- What do you mean?

- I mean, Brett was, like, unhinged.

- That surprises you?

This is the same dude who threw a tantrum

over his kids' family tree.

- Yeah, but this was, like, next level.

- Look, if it were me,

he's not a guy I'd want around my kids.

And I know, it's not my place.

- Come on.

I mean, Brett's a good dad.

- Just glad the kids weren't home to see it.

- Do you think that there's any chance

that this client of yours could be doing something shady?

- As far as I know, Steve's just a baller business guy

who does what business guys do.

- But I just don't-- - Sorry for trying to help.

- You did a nice thing.

[The Horrors' "Still Life"]

* *

- The first frost is only surprising

when your garden's not prepared.

* *

- * Under a sky no one sees *

* Still life, you know I'm listening *

* The moment that you *

- So we add things like straw and bark

to shield plants from dropping temperatures.

- * When you wake up, when you wake up *

- We wrap shrubs in burlap to protect against drying winds.

* *

- So what am I supposed to do here?

- Fix her up and sell her for an obscene amount of cash.

- Now that's more like it.

- * I'm good *

- But it won't be with me.

- * Waiting, it's happening *

* The moment that you want is coming *

* If you give it time *

* When you wake up, when you wake up *

* You will find me *

* When you wake up, when you wake up *

- But no matter what you do to get ahead of it,

winter always comes.

[door creaks] Sorry, closing early today.

- It'll be quick.

- Uh, what do you need?

- I have a problem.

- All right.

- There's this stump in my yard.

- Well, can it wait? I need to get out of here.

- I've been trying to get rid of it for years.

- Aren't you guys going to the gala tonight too?

- You know, I thought it would just rot away,

but it's still there.

- Well, uh, stumps don't really do that.

- Yeah, I need it gone, for good.

[dramatic music]

* *

- This should get it done.

* *

- Gotta give it to you, man.

Really underestimated you.

I got fired today.

- Just bring back the axe when you're done.

[scoffs]

* *

What's up?

- Think we probably both know what's up.

* *

[tense music]

* *