Original subtitles

[speaker] Philadelphia!

Land of opportunity, business opportunity,

education opportunity, marriage opportunity.

Dear shareholder,

when I came to Philly in '79 with just three dollars,

my first opportunity was at a deli.

Fifteen hours a day, seven days a week,

living above the store with nine other guys

with only six shirts total between us.

With no comfort of home, except Caca Brand Achar.

I saw opportunity.

After I took over the deli,

I invented a product

that changed the way America consumes coffee.

Mega Glug!

One hundred and twenty-four ounces of coffee

that still fits in the beverage holder!

And today, there are 40 ABC Delis

across the Delaware Valley!

And now, I'm taking us

into the prestigious world of...

golf courses!

And with this new venture,

I'll lead DarCo into the next era,

to the highest heights

of this beautiful game we call capitalism.

By the way, I also just bought Caca Brand Achar.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

[gun firing]

[bullet shells clinking]

[whispers] Prairie.

Hm?

Dabs?

[♪ upbeat drum music playing]

[Prairie moans]

-[quietly] Okay. -[quietly] Okay.

You did it, Baba.

You are living proof

that seeing opportunity is the key to success.

And having followed in your footsteps,

I have learned so much about the world of business,

even more than I learned at Drexel University.

Insert compliment here.

Now, you are such a great role model, Baba.

I'm basically you now, though smaller in stature.

Hold for laugh. Two, three, four.

Now if you ever wanna take a break

from the administrative minutia that is my passion,

just know that I'm always here for you.

I love you, Baba.

Babe, that was so good. Like, Colin Powell good.

I think it's ready for Baba to hear it.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

I mean, I can go harder. Show him that I really deserve

the top spot, that I know I can do it.

You're over-thinking. It's perfect.

By the way, lose the neck beard.

Yeah? You like that neck?

Yeah, you know I do.

You did it, Baba!

Oh, yeah.

Leech all that bad juju right outta me, fellas.

[Prairie] Please don't address them directly, Raj.

[grunting]

Today's my day.

I haven't even put the pin in yet.

[grunts] What?

Oh.

[phone buzzes]

Oh, I gotta go.

Great workout as usual!

Through the ball.

[exhales]

Okay.

Ow! Raj, stop it!

Just reaffirming the power dynamic, bro.

Gotta check you sometimes.

God, you're so dumb. Just hit it.

Alright, here we go. Ah.

-Are you kidding me? -Nice.

Hey, you gotta use that third eye for putting, bro.

I told you. Hey, you shaved your neck beard.

Get-Get away from me.

-It looks super handsome. -Get!

You gonna ask Baba to make you CEO?

No, I'm not.

But, you know, if it comes up organically, then...

Mir, you know who Baba wants to run DarCo?

A man of action.

-Yeah. -Someone like me.

-Oh, my God. -Lucky for you,

I'm not really interested in that.

But I do wanna know how I'm getting my cut

on this golf course venture though.

The same way you make money off of everything,

by doing absolutely nothing.

How could you wake up every morning

and go into work when you know you don't have to?

[scoffs] Do you not have any perspective?

You know we could've ended up as child laborers

in a Levi's factory making denim jackets for hipsters?

Have you learned nothing from Baba?

Mir, I don't have time for your survivor's guilt trip.

It's up to us to enjoy this life for everyone

who looks like us but doesn't have it.

That's the secret to living in America, man.

Work is for our white slaves.

-What are you talking about? -[Baba] Hello, boys!

[Raj] Baba!

-[Mir] Hey! -[Raj] There he is.

You're in one of your tiffs again?

Let me remind you that the guy next to you is your brother.

And no one in the world is closer to you.

As my Baba used to say,

"When it's time to eat..."

[Raj/Mir] "Leave the tiff in the tiffin."

That's right. It's time you matured.

[Baba chuckles]

It's all part of a larger strategy.

-[Raj] Mm. -Our next phase is two-pronged.

Prestige.

Golf, the game of kings.

-[Raj] Hm. -We're going international, boys!

You know, I crunched the numbers thinking it was gonna be a dud,

but once again, you were right.

You have the keenest instinct,

and that's something you can't learn in a school.

Not even my prestigious alma mater,

Drexel University.

I know you're gonna get there, Mir.

Just be patient.

That's your strength.

You're inquisitive, organized, determined.

Speaking of inquisitive, organized, determined...

Baba, I knew from the get that it was gonna be a hit

purely based on the vibes.

That's because you got your Baba's instincts, Raj.

-[Baba chuckling] -[Raj laughing]

Success at all costs, lads.

Failing upwards is for white boys.

[chuckles]

[Raj] Alright, Baba, you got it.

Nice!

-Booyah! -Let's go!

-Jesus Christ. -This golf venture is going to

take us places that delis never could.

We're going from coffee cups to champagne flutes, boys.

-Yeah, we are. -[Baba] Yeah!

-Woo! -Woo!

-[yells] -You did it, Baba!

You are living proof...

-[golf ball thwacks] -[grunts]

[golfer] Oh, my God!

[♪ upbeat drum music playing]

[both gasp]

[blood spurting]

[body thuds]

[yelling]

[gasps] Baba.

[♪ somber music playing]

I don't know if I can do this.

That's Baba.

No.

This is just an empty vessel.

Baba's somewhere else.

Ma'am, please. This is not proper.

-Lucky Auntie? -[Lucky] Not proper?

-[Mir] We know her. -I have been this man's

most loyal business partner

through hell or high water for three decades!

How dare you!

-Oh! -Oh, my God.

-[Lucky] Get out! -Ow!

What do you got in that bag, rocks?

-[door slams] -[lock rattling]

[Mir] Lucky Auntie, what are we gonna do?

[Lucky] Oh, beta. Beta.

Just one thing at a time.

So much to discuss, but all that can be done later.

Are you gonna take care of us now?

Yes.

[Lucky sighs]

Alright.

No sense in dilly-dallying.

Get me the hose.

[Imam praying in foreign language]

[group praying in foreign language]

Oh.

Dude, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up.

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Imam praying in foreign language]

Amen!

[♪ somber violin music playing]

[people whispering]

-You really think she's one of Baba's? -What?

Inappropriate, Raj.

[Raj] I'm just saying, Baba liked white women.

-Unless you think that's more his type. -Hmm?

Actually, I do.

-Very strong. -[Raj] Yeah.

[Ahmad] Boys.

-[Mir] Ahmad Uncle. -[sighs] I can't believe it.

My deepest hamdardi.

Thanks.

[indistinct chatter]

[Raj] Thank you, Ahmad Uncle.

-Boys. -[Mir] Hm?

[Lucky speaking in foreign language]

Yeah. Thanks.

-Ahmad. -[Ahmad] Lucky.

I hope at least today you'll take a break

from your personal campaigning.

Leave the business to me and stick to making biryani, hm?

Oh.

Some days, I could just kill you.

[chuckles]

Ooh. Sssp!

[Lucky] Hello.

Hello, everybody.

Um, before we proceed to kabristan

and bid our final goodbyes to our esteemed colleague,

I would like to invite his sons to speak.

-I'll go first. -You have something prepared?

No. I'm just gonna freestyle it.

Of course you are.

Uh... [clears throat]

Firstly,

shouts to the gods and the infinite versions of Earth.

[♪ upbeat hip-hop music playing]

[elevator bell dings]

Alright, Mir,

you can't just go in there and ask to be CEO.

You gotta take that shit, okay? I got your back.

Raj, this is the DarCo board. They're like family to us.

They're gonna do what's in the best interest of the company.

This isn't adversarial.

Trust me, bro.

I'll play you in.

Okay.

[♪ "Respond/React" by The Roots playing]

♪ Its just hip-hop hangin' in my head heavy ♪

♪ Malik said "Riq, you know the planet ain't ready, for the half"

[Lucky] How is that even possible?

Alright, you corporate Panchos.

There's a new sheriff in town and his name is Mir...

[♪ "Respond/React" continues playing]

...Motherfucking Dar.

-[Mir] How do you turn it off? -I'll do it. I'll do it.

-[♪ music stops] -Alright, go ahead.

Ladies and gentlemen of the board,

I'm here to tell you exactly why I am the new CEO of DarCo.

First things first, I've been told

I exude strong little brother energy,

but I assure you, I'm no longer a little boy.

-I am a man, a Dar man. -[pen scratching]

-Eat it. -What?

-Eat it! -[Mir] ...miniature version of Baba.

With the same heart, but dare I say,

a better business acumen for which...

[screaming]

[agent] Spread out! Rojas to the back!

Which one of you gets Daddy's seat?

[brothers talking over each other]

[overlapping chatter continues]

[Lucky] Me.

I'm the interim CEO.

Let's go.

-[handcuffs clicking] -What?

-Okay. No, no, no, no. -[Lucky speaking in foreign language]

-Don't say shit. -Bye.

What is going on? She didn't do anything.

DarCo has been implicated

with two decades of scamming government programs,

tax fraud, and false insurance claims.

I've known, but your father had some friends in high places.

Now with him gone, we got the go-ahead.

Shockingly, neither of you has one single incriminating email.

Raj, that includes the 247,000 unread messages in your inbox.

I have an email address?

[Mir] Okay.

Uh, Agent Mercer, hi.

-My name is Mir Dar. -I know.

And this is probably just some sort of miscommunication.

-We'd be happy to cooperate and clear... -[Raj] No, no, fuck that.

We are not cooperating.

Mir, I'm not a fucking snitch, dude.

Hmm. Okay.

If that's how you wanna play it, go right ahead.

But remember my face 'cause it's gonna be smiling

when the two of you are in orange jumpsuits.

[camera shutter clicks]

Great, thanks. It's, uh, it's my first raid.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

He lied to us!

I thought I was gonna be CEO.

Was he laughing at me the whole time?

No, bro, he was protecting us.

A lot of parents wouldn't want their kids knowing

how the sausage gets made.

But what if that kid went to Drexel University

to specifically learn how to make sausage?

That shit is haram, and you know it.

[phone buzzing]

-Hey, babe. -What the fuck is going on?

Put down the fascia blaster!

-[Mir] [on phone] Are you okay? -They took... They took my...

Mir, they took my fascia blaster.

O-Okay, I'll be there in a second!

-I know... -[Bushra] Our place was listed

as a DarCo satellite office?

I swear I didn't know. Baby, I would never lie to you.

It was probably, like, for tax purposes.

[gasps]

[Bushra] Mir, I loved your dad

like one of my own parents, okay?

And believe me, I'm super into corporate tax workarounds.

But this feels irresponsible.

[softly] Everything's gone.

All of it.

[Raj] Hey, Mir, they took

your fedora collection.

-Are we fucked? -[Bushra] Possibly.

What did DarCo's general counsel say?

It was all Baba... [panting] and please uncuff me.

Okay, maybe we're fucked.

[Raj] Ah, looks like they got

the wireless meat thermometer I gave you, too.

[Bushra] Maybe Baba had a contingency plan.

He had to have protected you in some way.

Was there a trust fund or a life insurance plan?

[Raj] No! They took the giant mirror!

All the accounts are locked,

even the personal ones associated with DarCo.

-[Raj] Your shelves. -[Mir] I'm gonna figure this out.

-[Raj] Paperweights. -[Mir] All I need is some time.

-[Raj] All of your curios. -Maybe, maybe you can go

-to Malvern for a few days. -I do not wanna go

to my mother's for a few days.

They're already pissed that we're "living in sin."

And if you don't think that she's gonna be talking

about this DarCo shit the entire fucking time, Mir.

[Raj] Hey, Mir, they took all your little shoes, man.

-They took everything! -[Mir] Please sit down!

[Raj] On what?

Baby, look, you know I love you, okay?

I just need a little time to sort this out.

You know you're the most precious thing in the whole world to me.

Mm. Mir. [chuckles]

I wanna build a life with you

and I'll never leave your side,

-unless you leave me no choice. -No.

I know you're going through a lot right now,

but I need you to get your shit together.

-Okay. -Okay?

-Yeah. I will. -Fix this. Mm.

Mir, if you don't give this gorgeous woman a baby, I'ma have to.

-Ah! -[Raj] Lock that shit up, man.

-Right? -Please let me take care of my life,

and you can take care of your orgy cabal.

Oh, my God, my orgy cabal!

[Raj] Hey, hey, hey! That's all my shit!

-[Mir] Okay, okay, okay! -Those are prescription medical devices!

The FBI... Okay.

-Let me get the prism! -No, no, no, no!

You guys got everything? Okay.

Thank you.

Hey, Prairie.

Where's everyone else?

They were pretty into money, it turns out.

Shocking.

Fuck!

[sighs] It was funnier when they took your shit.

[Prairie] Oh, man. They took all my leeches.

[gasps] Except George.

Hi, George.

Oh, yes!

[Raj] Thank God they didn't take the coping room.

What the fuck?

Ah, the chi is great right now.

[Raj sighs]

THCa, psilocybin, terps.

To reflect and compartmentalize your stress.

What are we gonna do, man?

We have no family, no money.

Maybe I should add some Sarpa Salpa for you.

I mean, Baba kept me in that office

every day like a fucking doll.

He didn't tell me anything.

I signed a million contracts a day. What were they even for?

Stop wallowing, man.

Trust the process.

Wallowing? We just found out an hour ago.

What are you, a sociopath?

And this is why I added the fish.

-Oh, yeah. -Listen, my dad, my hero,

isn't who I thought he was, okay?

There's no bullshit Himalayan sea crystal salt

Prairie potion that can change that!

We are fucked!

Wow.

[Raj] Hey,

keep my shaman's name out your fucking mouth, Mir!

Maybe Baba didn't tell you 'cause you're a fucking asshole!

[Mir] You're a fucking joke.

You never take anything seriously.

That is your problem,

including the fact that we could go to jail.

We're not gonna go to jail, man.

-We're innocent. -[Mir] Right.

We'd be the first innocent Brown people in jail.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I'm all alone.

You're the only person I can turn to in this world,

and... you're a moron.

Me? You were in there every day and you didn't see any of this.

-You're the moron. -You're the moron.

-[Raj] You're the moron. -You're the moron!

-You are! -[Mir] No, you are!

-You are! You are! -You are! You are!

-You! -You know what?

I'm a grown man with a graduate degree.

This is ridiculous. I'm leaving.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna scour every corner of DarCo

and find out what's left for us.

That is such a stupid plan.

[planter rattles]

[Mir] I found you. So you were Baba's start, huh?

Jesus Christ.

[Raj] Allahu Akbar.

-[laughs] -[Mir] What are you doing here?

It's kismet, man.

I followed the love arrows, bro.

The curve that'll lead you to make

the most beautiful four-dimensional sculpture

that is your life.

-What? -I had a headache,

so Prairie dropped some acid into my eyeballs.

-Oh. -And then I went

on the most epic journey across the city.

And then I forgave you.

And I'm scrolling in my phone and I re-watched

the investor video that Baba made,

and inside of it was a clue.

This piece of shit deli.

I just dug through all the old records.

This is the only ABC Deli not registered to DarCo.

-[Raj] Huh. -It's not much, but it's a start.

A start to what?

-The new and improved DarCo. -Oh, no.

It all makes so much sense now! We're here for a reason!

This is the start of Baba's journey.

We can do it like he did. We can start small, but we'll do it legit.

-Oh. -No shortcuts, no breaking laws.

We'll just have to get our hands dirty a little bit.

That sounds not super fun.

Well, lucky for me,

you literally have no options left.

Oh.

Okay. Uh... alright.

-On one condition. -Mm. Okay.

You have to do slightly more shit than I do,

but we still split profits 50/50.

Counter.

How about I forgive you, too?

Tiff in the tiffin?

Tiff in the tiffin.

Okay.

Alright.

Baba would be so proud, man.

Mm-hmm.

I love you, bro.

Uh, alright.

-Say it back. -Um...

Me-Me too.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

-Have a good one. -You too.

Alright.

Hey, what are you doing here?

How's that coffee coming along, Mir?

-Fresh pots all around. -Nice.

I'm gonna go restock the sodas. Cover for me?

[laughing] Oh-ho-ho-ho!

-You got it, bro. -You're the best.

-Oh, yes! -Yeah!

Can I help you, my friends?

We are Baba Dar's boys.

You probably heard about our father's tragic passing

to the next realm via golf ball.

Baba's dead?

Yeah.

[worker whistling]

[worker speaking in foreign language]

What does that mean?

[workers shouting]

What is this?

Oh, my God. Excuse you. Ah!

-Hey, easy. -Hey, hey, come on!

Shit! This is not good.

Ahmad Uncle's gonna kill me.

Ahmad Uncle?

What's... Boys, what are you doing here?

Lucky Auntie?

You're outta jail already?

Oh, shit.

[♪ mysterious music playing]

Lucky Auntie, do you guys know each other or something?

[Raj] Yeah, what is this vibe here?

Did you two fuck?

-[gun fires] -[blood spatters]

-[Mir gasps] -[body thuds]

What... just... happened?

[screaming]

[Lucky] Oh, I know what you're thinking. Huh?

Has Lucky Auntie gone crazy?

I just didn't expect both of you to show up here.

Come on. But I guess this is

the kismet Allah chose for us.

-Go, "Eeee!" -Eeee!

-Very nice. Good boy. -[Raj] Lucky Auntie.

[Lucky] There you go. Huh?

Who the fuck are you?

This is nothing. It's nothing.

I was just rectifying a problem.

Your Baba's death left a bit of a power vacuum.

The fallout might be... substantial.

Okay.

Raj, take this, take your brother,

and get as far away as you can from here.

Ditch your phones, buy burners. Do not rent a car.

Those records are very easy to dig up.

And, beta, dark soda will get this right off.

Or Stain Devil for blood and semen.

Um... actually, just give me your clothes

and I'm gonna take care of everything here.

[Raj] No.

I can't walk away from this and pretend like I never saw it.

I wanna know what the fuck is going on here.

Alright, boys.

Alright.

There's something I'ma show you.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[Lucky] Boys, sit down here.

My boys.

If you're seeing this,

it means the unthinkable has happened

and I've left you.

I hope I had a dignified death...

while doing something I love.

-[Mir/Raj] Mm. -But, anyhow, down to business.

DarCo has diversified in ways that I chose to keep from you.

It was for your own... protection.

Lucky, she can teach you everything,

but this is all yours...

even if it is a little unsavory.

Everything I built, I built for you.

So for now, just be strong.

You're not boys anymore.

You're grown men.

And better yet, you're Dar men.

Wear it well.

[sniffles, sighs]

I love you.

All I ever really wanted was to make him proud.

Hey.

We still can.

We can build DarCo back up from the ground.

We can do it legit.

[scoffs] Fine!

Yes, this is your happy little store.

Sodas and hot dogs.

Ice cream for breakfast.

Yes, fine. Okay, boys, it's a wonderful idea.

Have your little deli,

sell cigarettes and lotto tickets.

The FBI figured out Baba cooked the books,

but things at DarCo, they go way beyond financial crimes.

This is what is happening in the background.

You wanna run the front? Be my guest.

Now that you've scared off the Yemenis,

there's really no one else to do it.

And being useful, I guess...

is a great way of staying alive.

This is a life of crime and the life of this deli.

Now that you know, you work for me,

every day, right here.

Alright.

No sense in dilly-dallying.

We'll deal with the body tomorrow.

In the meantime, bag him up.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[paper rustling]

[♪ upbeat drum music playing]

[gasping, panting]

[both panting]

[Mir] Let's go.

8:15 a.m.

Nothing yet.